A/N: Chapter us early! Let's celebrate. Just kidding, this chapter is upsetting.

Please read:

IOTRA was Bella's story. HTS (Home To Stay) isn't really a sequel to that. You could say it's Edward's story of his past, his presence and his life, it just takes place after IOTRA.

With that being said...

Warning: This chapter has some unhappy events? Violence. Yeah, that's sounds right.

Disclaimer: Rather than Nancy, SM owns them.

(Edward POV)

I groaned.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

I huffed. "Only my worst nightmare."

"Ally refurnished our closet and now we're forced to wear pink and faux fur?" Bella asked me jokingly, lightening the mood.

I chuckled. "No, I may actually prefer that to what's going on."

"What's going on?" She asked me instantly twice as curious.

"Masen's are coming down this weekend." I looked down at her still in my lap, playing with the collar of my shirt.

"As in Edward and Elizabeth?" Bella questioned though I'm sure she already knew the answer.

"You know it." I murmured and kissed the top of her head.

"They are necessarily coming to our house right?" She asked me.

"No."

"Will we see them?"

"I don't know."

"Then what's the worry?" Bella asked me dumbly. "I don't really see a problem."

"The problem is… Ally and her big mouth." I explained. "She will most definitely mutter one of our names and next thing you know Edward and Elizabeth could be right on our doorstep."

"I kind of want to meet them." Bella admitted a bit shyly not looking up at me. "I mean… I don't know. I just want to meet them. Maybe I don't. I'm indecisive"

"I can tell. You shouldn't worry, I'm sure they'd love you." I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "It's me they don't like."

"How could they not like you?" She questioned.

"Ally come on, let's go!" I hissed under my breath as I continued to tug on her arm.

"Where too Eddie?" She asked me warily. "Shouldn't I tell mom? When will we be back?"

"She's not you mom Alice! Lets go, I'll take you somewhere safe I promise." I pulled a little harder.

"Stop it!" She screamed out loudly. "No, this is my home."

I let go immediately. "Alice, I can take you somewhere we can be together. Always."

She shook her head. She was stubborn but I was sure she would want to come with me so we could go off and live, together. We're all the family we had left. Why would she want me out of her life?

"No this is my home Edward." She pushed me away. "Now leave."

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs no doubt; curious of the screaming Alice was recently doing.

"Alice come on. You're my sister. You have to come." I stressed and tugged at my hair. "And hurry people are coming upstairs!

"You have three seconds or I'm leaving alone." I whispered in a rush when she refused to speak. She crossed her arms and glared at me.

"Goodbye Edward." Alice spat.

"You're all I have left." I started to beg when the bedroom door flew open.

I jumped and stepped backwards.

It was no use though.

I was caught.

"Edward, Edward!" Bella repeated bringing her hands to face and forcing me to look at her. I blinked a few times. "Are you alright, hubs?"

I nodded. "Yeah I'm fine." Then I remembered what was going on. "And I will be fine as long as we don't run into the Masen's."

"Edward, you're bound to come across them eventually it's better now isn't it?" She asked me and I watched her get off my lap and onto the sandy ground below the swing. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up with her.

"No. I… Not after everything we've just been through, love." I admitted. "I just want to relax. I most certainly need any of my past coming back."

"But…" Bella started but I interjected.

"No, stop. There aren't people I want you to meet. Yeah sure, they're kind of nice to some people anyways." I struggled to find the right words to say to her. She looked up at me and my face held no emotion. I didn't even know how to feel.

Mad? Mad that my life is just getting filled with horror again. This time Bella has to face it and she certainly doesn't deserve that.

Sad? Sad that the pain I've been through keeps hitting me again and making me forget reality. Having random flashbacks isn't some I like.

Scared? Should I feel scared? Scared that I'll once again lose all that I have. Would I survive if I lost all again? No, of course not.

"They weren't nice to you." Bella nodded to herself as though trying to have some sort of epiphany. "Why not?"

"I don't know. They just didn't like me. I don't like them either." I replied casually.

"Why don't you like them?" Bella questioned and dragged me along through the park over a small hill where she sat down on the fresh grass. I sat down next to her and thought about my answer.

"Well, when my parents died and I didn't have grandparents or friends, no family… Just no one, rather than Alice and then having her taken from me…" I spread each sentence out with a deep breath. I pulled a blade of grass out of the Earth and picked at it with my fingers.

"Are you scared then? To see them again?" Bella asked and out of the corner of my eye I saw her pull her knees up under her chin and wrap her arms around her legs.

"Why would I be?" I asked almost angrily.

"You don't want the same thing to happen." Bella suggested. I shook my head immediately.

"They can't take my wife." I laughed without humour. "That's despicable! I wouldn't allow it."

"But you are nervous that seeing them again would… trigger memories?" She asked me hesitantly.

"I already have that happening." I muttered under my breath.

"I can tell." Bella nodded. "You're still scared."

"I'm not scared!" I insisted. "That's ridiculous. I'm a grown man."

"Okay, maybe not scared. You are… worried?" She offered.

"They can't take you from me." I hissed more to myself than anyone. I threw the rest of the grass blade to the side angrily and grabbed a handful of grass just to throw it to the side too. "I… wouldn't let that happen."

I looked at the spot where I just ripped the grass. "That's stupid though, right?" I was more talking to myself though I knew Bella was listening to me. "I should been worried that I'll lose my wife. There's not much that can take her away from me."

"Exactly." Yes, she was listening. "Edward?"

I looked at her as she continued. "Will you tell me something?"

"Anything." I vowed. I was deadly curious as to what she wanted to know, of course I'd tell her anything. I've told her so much already. I never told anyone what I told Bella, the only other people that knew of those… memories, were people who were there at the same time and witnessed what I witnessed. Of course there were things I've never told Bella and never intended on her knowing.

Maybe she will one day.

I always tell her. I just don't go into details.

For example, with Tanya, a lot went down. Bella doesn't need to know exactly what but she gets the gist.

"What happened that night you went to get Alice from the Masen's? What went down?" She asked me carefully as though not trying to trigger anything.

"A lot." I replied.

"Details?" She pushed.

"You know I don't want to talk about this." I hissed and pulled out another handful of grass.

"You're locking yourself up again Edward!" Bella insisted.

"Again?" I scoffed. "I've told you so much and you're just begging for more!"

"Edward Anthony." Bella huffed. "I'm you're wife."

"Yeah." I nodded sharply.

"Don't forget that." She said in a lower tone.

"Sorry." I murmured.

She sighed and I felt a hand on my knee. Of course it was Bella's. "I know you're going through a lot too. Even though recently, it seems as though I've been hit with my past on a daily occurrence, you're suffering too. I'm here for you to talk to Edward."

"I know." I puffed. "I just… I don't want to talk about it."

"And why not?" She questioned. "What's so bad if you tell me something? I won't run off, ever. I won't go anywhere. I wouldn't dare think of you any differently so I don't know why you won't tell me these things. You're locking yourself up way too much and I hate it. I love you, but I wish you'd speak more with me."

"I mean we talk but whenever it comes to something deep or home hitting you just close up. You're like a journal or a safe and I don't have anyway to get in. You're the only one with the key… or combination and it bugs me. Don't you trust me?" She continued.

"Of course I trust you!" I instantly piped up. "Bella, I trust you more than anyone else."

"Then why won't you speak to me?" She begged. "Edward, I'm here."

"Sometimes I think that if I don't talk about something, it will just go away." I plucked at another blade of grass. Bella's hand squeezed my knee reassuringly. I could tell she liked me opening up, how hard it was for me to do so.

I never opened up. I just swallowed my thoughts. I always believed that thoughts are thoughts; they stay in your head. No one else was supposed to hear them ever. But without thoughts you couldn't speak in the first place.

"And how's that working for ya?" Bella asked me and I tossed the blade of grass aside. I reached my left arm around her and pulled her close to me. I moved to lie down on my back and she laid down resting her head on my shoulder. I was thankful that the clouds were out so the sun wasn't burning our eyes. It was surprisingly not freezing outside as well which I was also thankful for.

As always, I was most thankful for my wife beside me.

Listening to my words.

Maybe that's why I've never opened up. I just never had anyone to speak to. I couldn't trust anyone enough.

"Not so well." I admitted. "I don't want to drag you-"

"I want to know. We're a couple. We tell each other things. It's like the unwritten law. Actually it was in our vows." She babbled. "So speak up."

"It was dark, night time. I remember how cold it was outside even though it was only October. I was still a kid in many ways. I had no idea what I was doing… I had no idea."

"Next thing I knew I was climbing in the window of what I hoped was her room and sure enough after tapping on the window multiple times I caught her attention and reluctantly let me in."

"She didn't look like her… Her hair was cut and she was beaming with joy. She seemed happy where she was and disappointed to see me. I pushed that aside and instantly tried to pack her things, the whole time she kept demanding to know what I was doing and I always told her I was getting out of there, to bring her home." I slowed and thought what to say next.

"What she told me next pretty much shattered me. She said she was home. She told me to go. But I kept on insisting, I kept begging. Soon after she was screaming at me and I was begging in whispers. Edward Masen came upstairs hearing her yelling thinking she was having another 'episode'. He thought she was asleep." I breathed in deeply.

"Episode?" Bella questioned.

"She had bad nightmares, umm, triggered memories. She was young losing her parents, grandparents and then me, not that she cared for me." I explained.

Bella nodded and I continued. "Mr. Masen came upstairs and kicked me out."

"What happened Edward?" She asked me.

"He grabbed my arm, dragged me downstairs and started lashing out on me. He'd swat my arm as hard as he could and yell profanities telling me to get out of there to go away. To get back in the hole I came from. It was obvious why no one wanted me. He got so mad and we yelled back and forth and we'd push each other back and forth, literally. I heard Alice and I looked over onto the staircase."

"That's when I felt a blow to the cheek. It was bled a bit but I could tell it was more of a bruise. Elizabeth was calling the cops… on me! Can you believe that?" I was getting pissed. "I ducked out the minute I found a distraction for them. Haven't seen them since. Haven't seen Alice since… well you know when."

"Do you want to know more or what? Not much happened with the Masen's after that." I said to her honestly. "But I'll tell you more."

"What happened right after? Where did you go? Our house isn't really close to that town." Bella pushed.

"Okay, umm… It was dark and cold as I said. I past all the alleys and shit where nothing good was happening so I went to the other side of town where Nancy was." I told Bella.

I knocked on the door. The little dimming porch light above was flickering and the rest of the small street was dark. I heard feet shuffling and then the door unlocked and the knob moved. Nancy opened the door. "I swear if another one of ya'll hoodlums… Edward?"

She put her glasses on which were dangling around her neck. She was in her pyjamas and her grey hair was up in a loose bun. Her wrinkled forehead creased. "It is you. Boy, what happened?"

I shuffled my feet nervously, I knew it wasn't very gentlemanly of me to walk up to a senior's house for a place to stay but I was desperate. "A lot."

"Well come on in and explain. I have some soup on the stove. Let's clean you up." She ushered me inside. For a nearly seventy-year-old woman she was very well, healthy, kind and even energetic.

I felt better the second I stepped inside her house.

"Whose Nancy?" Bella asked me.

"A very, very kind woman. She's got to be around 73 now." I laughed and brushed stray hair away from my wife's forehead. "She uh, took me in for a few days. I cleaned up; she gave me food and a place to sleep. Then after a week I felt so rude making myself at home, I gathered my few belongings and got on a subway. I feel asleep and when I woke up I didn't know where I was. It was the perfect place to start. I went to a bar and met James… He showed me this town."

"So he isn't a complete douche." Bella said and I laughed.

"I guess not." I agreed. "I still don't like him."

"Me neither." Bella said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's just not my cup of tea." She smiled and rolled onto her side facing me and kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, why not?" I asked, looking at her.

"Not sweet enough." She winked and I rest a finger under her chin pulling her lips to mine.

…

"I've got the perfect idea!" I exclaimed.

Bella stifled a yawn even though it wasn't even four in the afternoon. "You don't want to go home?"

"Soon my love, first I want you to meet Nancy." I said turning the car.

"Edward… we can't just…" She hesitated.

"Why not? I don't have her number so we can't call ahead of time." I shrugged. "It sounds like a good plan to me."

...

"Edward? It is you!" Nancy said and ushered my wife and I inside, Bella first. Nancy tugged my arm and I bent down so she could whisper in my ear. "Who's that pretty lady?"

"My wife." I chuckled and stood up straight. "I thought I owed it to pay you a visit."

"Goodness gracious! Edward it's been years, do you know how worried I've been?" She asked me, scolding like. "My, when you first knocked on my door that one night you were a mess and when you left without a proper explanation I had no idea where'd you go!"

"I know." I looked down. "And I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah." Nancy nodded and we all moved into the living room. Nancy sat on a rocker and Bella and I sat down on the out dated couch. I took her hand in mine instantly.

"So yeah... Uh, Nancy, this is my wife Bella. Bella this is Nancy." I introduced them.

"Why hello Bella." Nancy said happily.

"Hi." My wife replied with a friendly smile. "I've heard so much about you."

"Good things I hope." Nancy looked at me.

"Always." I nodded in acknowledgement.

"Edward..." Nancy started. "Do you mind getting Bella a drink of the fridge, you can get yourself one as well."

Strange, but all right I'll go. "Okay." I got up and walked to the kitchen.

Nancy, to me, always felt as though my second mother. She understood and never judged, in many ways she was like my Bella. She took me in when I was battered and beaten and she always made me feel at home. She cared and listened which really was all I wanted at the time. I was thankful that I had met her when I volunteered at the senior's bingo hall years ago, because that's where I met her.

Funny, I know, but still it's where I met her.

Nancy had a young heart in that aging body and she was very wise. I wish that I spent more time talking with her because for a long time I really didn't have anyone. Once Ally left and refused to come back and before I had Bella, I was pretty pathetic. A senior citizen was my only friend.

I shook my head and opened the fridge, pulling out two water bottles.

I knew inside that Alice and I would never be the same. Never have the same relationship. She has changed ever since our parents passed she changed. She stopped caring. Of course she's still energetic and loud. I mean she still loves to shop.

I'd just never forgive her for letting me go for Edward and Elizabeth. Her own brother for two people she barely knew that wanted to take place of our parents. I'd never let anyone take place of my parents, ever. It was just a disgusting thought and I was glad the Masen's didn't want me. I just wish that they didn't want Alice either; no matter how mean that sounded it was the truth.

Alice, or the Alice I knew, wouldn't lie to her loved ones, but now she does.

Ever since she recently came back into my life she doesn't feel like my sister. I can't trust her, we never hug or say be love each other and I know she still loves the Masen's more. It's as though she completely forgot about her real family.

About me.

She spent her life happy, meeting Jasper and having a new family, just leaving me behind to suffer. She didn't care where I was, what I was doing or if I was all right. We never talked, she never went looking, and she pushed me away and had her own life. It was like my parents died and so did I in her mind. She just let me go.

And we'll never be close again.

I slowly shut the fridge and walked my way back into the living room where Nancy and Bella were talking up a storm. The second I walked in they stopped and I handed Bella a water bottle, sitting down next to her.

"Did I miss something?" I asked causally, twisting the cap off the water bottle and taking a sip.

"No, nothing at all." Nancy said though she sounded rather guilty.

I watched my wife chuckle and open her bottle of water. She took a sip.

"I like your wife Edward." Nancy smiled and Bella blushed. "She's a keeper."

"I know." I kissed Bella's cheek and she scooted closer to me. Nancy smiled at us; she surely saw the difference in me. That I was finally alive.

"So tell me, how'd you two meet?" She asked us and I sighed.

"It's a long story." She admitted.

"We have quite some time, right?" Nancy said. "And I'm all ears."

...

Nancy made Bella and I stay for dinner and we were still telling her our story. It wasn't just a thing about saying 'well Bella ran away and came across my house'. No, it was detailed. She wanted to know everything.

Especially the wedding.

At around seven Bella and I managed to get out and head home, arriving at home shortly after nine which wasn't so bad. We both took a shower and went to the living room, popped in a movie into the DVD player and sat on the couch, pulling the afghan around us. I wrapped my arms around Bella underneath the blanket and she slowly rested her head on my shoulder, looking at the screen.

"I like Nancy." She said after the movie started.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Yeah." She nodded and yawned.

"Sleepy and the movie just started." I chuckled then I grew curious. "What were you and Nancy talking about when I went to get the water bottles? I know when Nancy asked she wanted to talk to you, she wouldn't make me get up to get water for nothing."

"Uh, nothing." Bella murmured, feigning innocence.

"Just tell me." I begged. "I really want to know."

"She just... thanked me." Bella shrugged, I felt it.

"Thanked you?" I questioned. "Thanked you for what?"

"Making you happy." She pressed her nose against my neck and inhaled deeply. "For loving you, unconditionally."

"Oh." I said a bit dumbly.

"Yeah," Bella chuckled. "I guess so."

"Well, it's true." I nuzzled into her hair breathing in the scent of strawberries. Her hair was still damp from the shower.

"Yeah, I'll always love you." She sighed and let her eyes close. "I'm really comfy."

"You look really comfy." I smirked and she let her droopy eyelids open.

"Thank you Edward." She murmured looking up at me sleepily.

"For what?" I asked curiously.

"Letting me in." Bella smiled. "Letting me know more about you."

"Of course." I nodded once. "I'll always tell you, eventually."

"Why don't you like telling me those kinds of things? I won't think differently of you."

"I know..." I stressed. "Well I guess so... I just, you might think differently."

"I won't." Bella insisted.

"How do you know that?" I asked her.

"Because I love you, unconditionally." She said as though it were obvious.

"You don't need to know everything. It's not all pretty. You don't need to hear about stuff like that. You don't deserve that." I told her honestly. "You deserve bright and happiness."

"That's what you give me." She replied quickly.

I snorted and looked at the window to the right, refusing to look at her. She continued to speak. "Why don't you believe that?"

"Because." I said.

"Because why?" She pushed.

"I'm not a good guy Bella, stop acting like I am." I tightened my hold on her. "I don't know why you think I deserve you."

"You are a good guy." Bella insisted. "Trust me, I know bad guys."

She shuddered and I sighed. "I wasn't always good."

"I know that, but you've changed and you are know. Your mistakes can be forgiven." She continued. "Edward trust me, we belong together."

"I know." I looked down at my lap. "I mean I think I know that. I just don't want to lose you."

"You won't." Bella told me, cuddling closer. "What makes you think that you will?"

"Because I always do." I sighed.

"I'm confused." She admitted and I didn't reply.

"Do you like this one, or this one?" Tanya held up two small pink shirts.

"For you?" I asked dumbly and she nodded vigorously. "Those are too tiny."

"Come on, they're hot." Tanya insisted and shook the one right her right hand. "I like this one more."

"You shouldn't be dressing like that when you aren't single. You're going to be giving yourself a reputation, giving off false impressions." I shook my head incredulously.

"Just because you're a protective guy doesn't mean I can't wear what I want!" She yelled at me.

Why was I with her? I was even more miserable with her than I was when alone. I looked down and whispered. "I just don't think you should dress like that."

"Well it's none of your business how I dress. Come on, you're lucky to have me. You were nothing before." Tanya laughed a bit. "You aren't even hot. James said you needed someone though, so you should be grateful I said yes."

She stepped close to me so she was standing between my legs. She breathed, "Come on Eddie, you know you like them. You just want to be the only one to see me in them."

Not really.

I coughed into my right hand.

"Love you." Tanya kissed my cheek. "And I'm buying both of them. Where's your credit card?"

She reached into my front pocket and grabbed my wallet. "Oh and I also like these jeans." She reached to the jean rack beside me and found her size, pulling the pair off the rack.

I needed a damn drink.

I knew she was using me for my money. But strangely enough, I was all right with that.

I was wanted for once. Maybe not for what I had hoped for, but someone wants me. She may not care, but I'm needed for once.

I shook my head, having no idea why that memory popped into my head.

"Edward?" Bella asked.

"What?" I snapped back and she scooted back a bit.

"What's wrong?" She asked me gently.

"Nothing," I shook my head.

"Okay..." Bella said hesitantly.

...

I looked over to the clock it was four in the morning. Bella and I fell asleep on the couch.

I had awoken from a nightmare though it was more like another flashback but in my sleep instead.

It was of the fight Alice and I had before the Masen's took her away.

I pulled at my hair. I looked down at Bella; she fell asleep curled up into a ball on the other side of the couch, as far from me as possible. Still hurt from me being snippy before clearly.

She didn't belong there. Fearful, curled up into a defensive position.

She deserved the opposite. It hurt to know that I wasn't able to give her fully what she deserved, no matter how hard I would try.

For the first time in a long time, all I wanted was a drink.

Maybe James was right; I'm the same guy.

And I thought I changed.

A/N: Yes, Edward's still broken, still suffering but Bella of course is helping him. He won't tell her what's going on with the flashbacks and all, I tell him it will get worse but... hey, he's stubborn. It is putting a void in their relationship and will probably cause further problems later, but that's all I'm saying!

Oh, and I have a question.

Do you prefer Bella's POV or Edward's? I kind of like Edward's for writing but I can write either way.

Please review.