Three weeks. I spent three weeks back at home with my parents before I even heard from Jinki again. You would have thought the first night would be the worst, but no. It was the third night. The first night they beat me worse than they ever had before, and the second night they repeated their actions. I wasn't given food or water, but I got those for free at school, so I would be fine. But the third night, my father came for me, woke me up, and made me sit up the whole night. He didn't hit me once, but he talked to me the whole night. He asked me why I was doing this to him, why I would chose this stranger over my own family. Told me that Jinki didn't care about me, and he never had. He said, I was Jinki's charity case, and all those nice things he had told me were lies. He told me that he was all I had.
And then he touched me. He was gentle, stroking my hair, kissing my cheeks, and hugging me. He had done things like this a few times before, but it was scarier than his anger, somehow. It was something I didn't know, it was unexpected, it was terrifying, and, worse than anything else, it was all I ever wanted. That was what made it so hard so sit through these nights, because they never lasted more than one night, and the next day I had to face reality. When he did this, it messed with my brain. I cried the whole time, and he comforted me, and told me he loved me, and he was sorry. That was the worst, when he apologized. If I called him out on it, and told him I didn't believe him, or worse, told him I didn't forgive him, he would get angry. But if I told him it was ok, and I forgave him, he would look so...satisfied. Like he had done something right, and that was worse than him hitting me. It was him hitting me and feeling like it was ok, as long as he said sorry. If I stayed quiet, he would shake me to make sure I was awake, then demand an answer. That night, I was angry at him for taking Jinki away from me, so I didn't forgive him.
After a while, I passed out from the pain. My mother came in, then, and waited. When I finally woke I was in so much pain, and I had been dreaming of Jinki, of him being kind, and caring, as he always was, but when I woke up, he wasn't there. I began to cry almost as soon as I realized the figure on my bed wasn't him. My mother reached down and petted my blood-soaked hair with a smile.
"Look at that. My little baby made a mess." She said. I didn't know what she was talking about until she pulled me into a sitting position and I saw the glass of water beside the bed. It was a prank kids usually pulled on one another at slumber party's, to put your hand in warm water and make you wet the bed. It was worse, though, being 16 years old and knowing that you had wet yourself. It was humiliating, and my mother just smiled, overflowing with false kindness. "It's ok, honey. Someday, you'll stop being stupid. You'll remember to go before bed."
What could I do? I nodded, trying to choke back the tears as she pulled me up off the bed and lead me down the hall to the bathroom. She turned the water on cold and pushed me in, still fully clothed. I waited until she left, then shed my clothing and washed as quickly as possible. If I changed the temperature, even just enough to make it bearable, she would know. She always knew. So I scrubbed my sore scalp and aching body, trying to rid myself of the awful filth. I had finally gotten to know my body without bruises, and now, here I was, so black and blue it was disgusting. I couldn't stand to look at myself, and I vomited what my stomach still held all over the shower floor. I got out of the shower a minute later, wrapping a dirty towel around myself, because clean towels were for clean people. I would always be dirty within their home.
My mother got me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, both of which I had worn when I was arrested, and I knew they had not been cleaned. I dressed in them without complaint, and sat shivering, or maybe just shaking, in my room, trying not to sit on the obvious wet spot in the corner of the bed. I sat up like that all night, not knowing if they would come for me in my sleep again, but not wanting to risk it. I got very sick over the next few weeks, losing all the weight I had gained at Jinki's, and the more time that passed without calls from child services or lawyers, the more confident my parents became in their thought that no one would look for me. They were going to kill me during the next school holiday. I could hear them talking about it, and I think they knew.
By the time the phone rang on my third week in, I was a wreck. Never before had my parents gotten into my head so badly, and I jumped about a foot in the air when the ringer pierced the air, and I picked it up tentatively. I wasn't supposed to use the phone, but my parents were out. I was supposed to take messages for them when they were out. I had to remind myself of that three times before I answered.
"H-hello?" I said softly.
"Hi. This is Jessica Jung calling. Is Taemin available?" The voice on the other end of the line said. I felt my breath catch, and the dizziness I was experiencing increased.
"J-Jessica?" I said. She sighed.
"Taemin, are your parents listening?" She asked.
"N-no. They're not home." I told her.
"Are you alright?" She asked. I sat on the couch, another thing I wasn't supposed to do.
"I'm scared. I think..I think they want to kill me." I said, my fear seeping into my voice. "I thought you said..I was going to be able to get out.."
"Taemin, you need to breath." She said. I didn't realize I was choking on my air until she said that. "Damnit, hold on."
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, then static before I heard slow and steady breathing.
"Taemin?" It was Jinki. "Taemin, come on. Talk to me. Are you ok?"
"No." I choked out. "I'm sick, and it hurts. It hurts everywhere."
"When's the last time you ate?" He asked. I sobbed as quietly as I could, and then I heard a car in the driveway. They were home early.
"They're home. I have to go. I can't get in trouble again." I said.
"Taemin, don't hang up-" He said.
"I'm sorry." I hung up quickly and rushed up the stairs to my room, listening intently.
I heard the door open downstairs, and I waited as I heard two sets of feet walking through the downstairs. They were checking to see what I'd touched while they were gone. Nothing, though. I learned. I didn't touch anything, and they wouldn't be able to punish me this time. Right? I heard footsteps on the stairs, coming down the hall slowly, opening each door, and a new thought dawned on me. What if my parents weren't home? What if these were burgalers? Would they kill me? Would that really be so bad? I realized where my thoughts were headed, and I choked on a sob. The steps in the hall stopped and I tensed. They started moving, more quickly, toward my room. I got up quickly and went into the closet to hide. I was in no condition to fight someone off, but if I could hide, maybe they would leave me alone.
I heard my bedroom door open and someone stepped inside slowly, taking their time to look around. It was at least a full minute before before I heard the footsteps retreating, and I knew then it wasn't my father. I sniffled instinctively, then froze. I prayed softly that the person wouldn't have heard me, but then I heard the footsteps coming back. I squashed myself as far into the darkest corner as I could, terrified tears pouring down my face. The door opened and light flooded the closet, coming from a flashlight in the person's hand. He panned it over on me and gasped softly. He knelt down slowly, and I became aware of the fact that he was trying not to scare me. I watched him warily as he pushed the flashlight over to me, and I picked it up with shaking hands. I turned the beam of light on him, sobbing harder than I had in a while, and saw that he was a cop.
"W-what are you doing here?" I asked. He held out his hand and I stared at it.
"I want to talk to you. Are you Taemin Lee?" He asked. I nodded, looking at his hand distrustfully. He pulled it back slowly. "I came to see how you're doing. Your friend, Jinki? He's really worried about you."
"J-Jinki?" I asked. He nodded, and I clutched the flashlight tighter. "You're lying!"
"I'm not. Come with me, and you'll see." He said. I shook my head, trying to press myself further into the closet. "Please Taemin."
"No! You're lying! Stop lying to me!" I screamed, then I panicked. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't be angry!"
"I'm not angry. Do you want to call Jinki and talk to him?" He asked. I stared at him for a minute.
"I don't know his phone number." I whispered. "I forgot to ask him for it. I heard the car and I just got scared."
"Well, what if I promise to take you to see him?" He offered. I wiped at my eyes miserably.
"Why should I believe you?" I asked. He shrugged.
"Because it's either that, or you sit here and wait for your parents to get home." He told me. I didn't answer, and he held out his hand again. I placed my hand in his nervously, and he helped me up. "Can you walk on your own?"
"Y-yeah..I'm ok." I said, still holding the flashlight. I knew I would never use it as a weapon, but it's weight was comforting somhow. He let me lead the way out, and I froze in the hallway when I saw his partner with a gun in his hand. I screamed and tried to turn and run back into the bedroom. The officer caught me and lifted me up in his arms.
"Put that thing away, you're going to give this poor kid a heart attack." He snapped. He partner apologized and tucked his gun away. The cop set me back down and guided me down the stairs and out to the car. "I'm going to have you ride in the back seat, ok? But you're not under arrest. You can hold onto that flashlight, ok?"
I nodded rapidly, sliding into the back seat silently. He closed the door behind me and I leaned on the door quietly, still holding the flashlight in my hands. I clicked it off when the cops slid into the front seat and headed down the street to the police station. I'd been there so many times, it was weird to be going without handcuffs. I felt so small in the back of that car, and when I got out of the car I looked around nervously before going up the stairs that lead to the main building. I opened the door and went inside, the cops close behind me, and I kept my gaze on the floor. I had just remembered how I looked, and while it had been dark enough to hide the worst of it, I was now stepping into a brightly lit area. I knew, once I stepped inside, they would all know. I pulled open the second door and stepped inside shyly. The slight chatter that had been taking place when I entered the room stopped altogether, and I felt sick to my stomach.
"Taemin?" I heard a familiar voice whisper. My head snapped up on it's own, and I saw Jinki standing halfway across the room. "Oh, my God."
I felt myself starting to hyperventilate, and I dropped the flashlight in favor of running into Jinki's waiting arms. He held me close and kissed my head, and I could feel him shaking. I looked up at him after a minute, and I was shocked to see him crying.
"J-Jinki?" I said, concern flooding my voice. I tugged on his shirt. "Jinki, what's wrong?"
"I'm so sorry, Taemin. I'm so, so sorry it took so long." He said. I blinked a few times, confused. "I never wanted to leave you there for so long."
"Don't cry. It's ok. I'm ok." I told him. He brushed his thumb along a bruise on my right cheek.
"You don't look ok." He told me, guilt in his eyes.
"I am, though." I told him, trying to push all the honesty I had into my voice. "I'm ok now, because you're here."
I felt tears sliding down my own cheeks as I clung to him.
"I missed you so much." I told him, and he nodded.
"I missed you, too, Taeminnie. I love you." He said. I sniffled.
"I love you too."