A/N: Welcome back, here's some Edward POV.
Uh yeah, I'm trying to get him through this part of his life. Get rid of the burdens to be happy.
Oh and thanks for the AMAZING reviews. You guys rock!
Disclaimer: Do I own the characters? No. Now ask if me if I want to ;)
(Edward POV)
It wasn't long after I fell asleep that I felt movement and heard footsteps. I woke and looked over to Bella's said where she was supposed to be. She wasn't there.
I still heard the footsteps so I slowly and carefully got up and out of bed. I followed her slowly to the living room, but I stood in the hallway just looking into the dark living room. She was on the phone.
"I am." I barely heard her whisper. "I can't lose my husband."
I took a step back. I looked at the ground, barely visible since it was still dark.
I can't lose my husband.
I can't lose my husband.
I can't lose my husband.
I sat down as though the words had knocked me down. My chest ached from hearing them alone. I leaned against the wall and shut my eyes. Did she really believe I was going to leave? She'd be the one to go.
I can't lose my husband.
Well I can't lose my wife.
"He's so distant." She whispered and she sounded so broken. "It's like doesn't even like me! I think he wants me gone."
How could she say that?
I felt like I'd been stabbed. That's no understatement.
"Okay, thanks." My wife said.
"It's like doesn't even like me! I think he wants me gone."
"He's so distant."
"I can't lose my husband."
"I love him." She said almost angrily.
I got up and walked back to the bedroom. I got in on my side and pulled the sheets up underneath my chin.
I can't lose my husband.
Not long after, she came back into bed on her side.
Keeping our distance.
I hated it.
She really thought I didn't want to be near her.
I was more scared to make the first move then I ever had been before.
I hated myself.
I only wanted the best for her.
I wanted her.
I wanted her to want me.
I wanted to be enough for her.
I want to complete her like she completes me.
She huffed and I felt the sheets move as she pulled them closer to her.
I can't lose my husband.
Slowly, cautiously, as though I was trying to make a move for the very first time, I reached across and took her in my arms, pulling her close.
And I instantly felt healed.
She didn't complain.
At first she stiffened but she relaxed.
I pressed my face into her hair.
I alone was ruining our relationship.
I squeezed my eyes shut, not allowing moisture to leak through.
"I love you." I whispered in a broken voice, hugging her to me as tight as I could without hurting her. "Always."
She didn't reply at first.
I played with my fingers before her and she reached down to take my hands in hers. "I love you too, hubs."
"I… want to tell you." I whispered into her hair. Strangely, it was easier to talk to her without looking straight into her innocent eyes, without the light. In the dark, just feeling her made everything easier.
"You can." She whispered back after a moments of silence. "But if you don't want to, you don't have to. Don't feel obligated to do so."
"I'm scared." I admitted shyly. I felt un-masculine saying this.
"Why?" Bella asked me, rubbing my thumb with her thumb and forefinger.
"I don't want to lose you." I told her. "I always lose everything I love. I love you the most, it would hurt the most to lose you."
"I don't think I'd make it." I admitted breathing in her scent.
"And why would you lose me?" She asked.
"There are many different reasons, many different ways." I told her. "I think of all the ways constantly."
That and the flashbacks…
"Tell me." She begged.
"You'll see me to be disgusting and leave. You just not wanting me anymore or someone convincing you to leave, what I fear most would be someone taking you away from me." I explained.
"How would someone do that?" Bella asked. "Who would do that?"
"James, if he really wanted you." I told her. "He always gets what he wants."
"That doesn't mean he'll get me." Bella insisted. She rolled in my arms so she was facing me. In the darkness she cupped my face in her hands and pulled me close. I could feel her breath on my face. "I understand that you're worried. But you won't lose me."
"I'm driving you away." I sighed. "I know I am."
"What makes you say that?" She asked me.
"Lately, we've been distant." I said. "Or, I've been distant."
"He's so distant."
"And I'm sorry." I whispered.
I felt her place a kiss to my lips. I pulled her back for more, revelling the feel of it. "I've missed you hubs."
"That just isn't us, love." I whispered against her lips. "This is us." I kissed her again showing her what I meant.
Distance, secrets, that wasn't us.
Closeness, trust, that was us.
"I know." She murmured. "You have to tell me what's bugging you so we don't lose this."
"I know." I whispered.
"Not saying won't make it disappear." She reminded me.
I nodded and rested my forehead against hers.
"I've been having lots of reoccurring memories." I told her. "Just out of the blue."
She waited for me to continue.
"They make me feel like I'm reminding myself I don't deserve you." I muttered. "If that makes any sense."
"It does." Bella whispered. "But you're wrong."
I didn't reply.
"We belong together." She murmured and kissed me again. "I love you."
"I love you."
"I've missed hearing that." She said.
"Sorry." I pulled her tighter.
It was quiet for quite some time.
"Every time you have a flashback, will you tell me?" She asked. "It might help."
I nodded against her forehead. "Okay."
"Okay."
…
"I've been around the wrong types of people most of my life, Edward. It doesn't make you a bad person." Bella said right before I fell asleep.
…
"Alice I don't care." I told her again through the telephone.
"Elizabeth wants to know how you are doing, Eddie." Alice replied and she was being stubborn. I swear if we were talking face to face she'd have on her little pout.
"No." I said. "No I don't care."
"She wants to meet Bella." Alice begged. "Come on, don't say no."
"Hell no." I replied quickly. "She isn't meeting Bella."
Bella was in the kitchen cleaning up from our lunch, or breakfast. We slept in late… Rekindling our flame shall we say?
We were spending, as much time as possible together, like usual, because with Bella everything was okay. I didn't feel as though I was such a burden, I just lived in the moment. Bringing in someone who is a burden -shall we say the Masens-, was certainly not on the agenda.
"Edward just because they don't like you doesn't mean they won't like Bella." Alice insisted.
"I know." I told her and I did know that. I knew that they'd probably love her. It was me that couldn't be around them and I refused to let Bella out of my sight. Plus, they'd probably tell Bella shit –lies- to get her away from me because truth is, if they like Bella and since they don't like me, they won't want Bella near me.
And I was already having enough trouble dealing with the fact Bella is mine. I didn't need someone else reminding me that she shouldn't be.
They probably thought I hurt her. They probably thought I was a monster. They probably…
"Edward." Alice said my name again. "Bella isn't just your wife. She's my friend. She's coming over."
"No." I repeated with clarity though somehow I could sense a defeat.
"Then put her on the phone!" Alice raised her voice.
Not the same sister I had many years ago.
"Alice please." I begged. I already knew begging would be pointless; she never listened when I'd beg.
"Alice please don't leave me for them. Please, you're all I have left." I begged. I was actually on my knees as well. I grabbed her arm. "Please."
"They're my family. I love them." She insisted.
"No you don't, you barely know them!" I raised my strained voice.
"Edward, let go. I hope one day I'll see you again." She swatted my arm.
"Alice…" I slowly loosened my grip. My own sister didn't love me.
No one did.
"Edward?" I heard Bella's voice bring me back to reality. I had the phone clenched in my fist by my hip. Bella grabbed the phone.
"Hello?" She asked bringing it to her ear.
"No." I tried to say but my voice wouldn't.
"No!" I repeated and my voice came out. I tried to take the phone from her. Alice would beg and beg and Bella would give in…
Bella wouldn't give me the phone so I just stood there pointlessly.
"Really?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Today?" Bella asked.
Yeah go meet them.
I'm staying at home.
"The hell?" I said to no one in the woods. I stepped closer to the battered down cabin. I knocked on the door.
No answer.
I knocked again and there was no answer.
I reached for the door and opened it. It creaked.
A cabin secluded in the woods with no one else around.
Seemed like the perfect home for me.
Bella gripped my hand. "Actually, Edward and I have plans for today Alice…"
"I'm sorry, we're going to… uh, the movies soon. You know that movie that just got released… We pre-ordered tickets."
"Non-refundable tickets." Bella finished after it seemed Alice cut her off.
"I'm sorry." Bella said though she didn't sound very sorry. "That sucks, maybe I'll meet them some other time. Bye."
Bella hung up the phone with no more words being exchanged.
I smiled. Widely. "I love you."
"I know." She smiled and pressed her hands to my chest. "Looks like we're going to a movie tonight."
…
We did go to watch a movie. A boring one too. I couldn't even remember the title. We spent most of our time in the back of the theatre kissing.
Typical teenage stuff, I know.
But hey, I've never experienced that teenage stuff and I had a lot too much up for.
I parked the car when we got home and opened my door. It was raining. I quickly ran to Bella's side and opened the door, lifting her out of the seat and carrying her bridal style.
"Ah!" She squealed as I lifted her. "Edward." She was giggling. I loved the sound. I closed the passenger door making sure I locked the car and ran to the back door. It was dark and raining and I had my wife in my arms.
That made it very, very hard to get the key for the house. I fumbled a bit and finally found the right key. Bella was still squealing and laughing as I unlocked the door. I pressed my lips to hers and stepped inside. Even for being outside for under a minute the rain got both of us pretty wet. I kicked my shoes off and slammed the door behind me running to the bedroom with her in my arms.
I walked in and flicked on the lights. Nothing came on.
Then I heard thunder.
"It rains a lot here." Bella gasped pulling back from our kiss.
"I know. Wipes the power out a lot. Being in the middle of the woods-" Bella pulled me back into a kiss. I murmured against her lips. "Doesn't really help either."
I walked over to the bed and set her down on it. "That's why we have lots of candles." I chuckled, feeling around for the nightstand drawer. I opened it and found a box of matches. I walked over to the dresser, lit a match and lit the three candles on our dresser.
"Very romantic." Bella commented from the bed.
I rolled my eyes. "Cheesy actually."
Bella laughed.
"But, I guess its okay. Rekindling our flame, eh?" I asked and set the match aside once it cooled. I slowly walked over to my wife, sitting in the middle of the large bed.
The minute I sat down on the edge of the bed. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me in for another kiss. Her fingers wound in my hair and I moved her back against the array of pillows. I hovered over her, not breaking our kiss. Using my left hand I held myself up while my right hand went under her shirt and felt her flat stomach.
"Mine." I whispered against her lips and nipped at her bottom lip. I pulled it between my teeth careful not to break the skin and I felt her fingers graze my scalp. I growled.
She pulled back for a quick breath and I opened my eyes, finding her eyes open to.
We stared at each other for a while.
"Thank you for staying back with me." I whispered.
"I'd rather have spent the day with you either way." She smiled.
"I had a flashback earlier." I told her.
"I know." She nodded.
"It was when Alice left with the Masen's." I explained still staring into my wife's eyes. "She just… left."
"I don't trust her. I still love her, I guess. But it's not the same anymore. She just left me hanging, when she was all I had left. She didn't even care. I… suffered and she didn't care. I'm still mad at her for that. Is that bad?" I asked after my babble.
"No." Bella shook her head. "It makes sense."
"I know you wouldn't leave me hanging like that." I whispered.
"Never." Bella pushed herself upwards to kiss my lips again.
"You complete me." I whispered as I tugged at the hem of her shirt. She got the hint and sat upwards letting me lift the shirt up above her. I tossed it to the side and looked down at her and marvelled.
Hey, what was a guy to do?
I kissed her navel and all around it. I kissed her ribs, her hipbones. I kissed her all over.
I kissed the swells of her breasts and up her neck, her jaw line, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her forehead, her temples, behind her ears, her hairline.
"I love you." I would remind her constantly. "You're everything to me."
I placed my hand on the rim of her jeans. I slowly reached in front and unbuttoned them. She lifted her hips letting me slide them down her legs. I threw those to the side too.
She tugged at my shirt until it came off and it flew somewhere in the room. She pushed against my chest until I rolled over onto my back. And sat on top of my and ran her hands over my chest. I sighed at the contact.
"You'll always have me." She whispered. I looked up at her in the dimly lit room. "Always."
She knew exactly what to say.
Leaning forward, she kissed my chin and moved up to the corner of my mouth before she pressed her lips against mine. I placed both hands on her hips and pulled her closer.
Second in command was really enjoying that.
Not breaking the kiss, she moved to the front of my jeans and unbuttoned them. My breathing increased and I breathed out, "I want you."
"I'm yours." My wife replied. I flipped her over so she was on her back and moved so I was hovering her once again.
"You know it." I growled and kissed her neck. "Always."
"There's my hubs." She giggled but stopped short when I started sucking on her collarbone. "Oh… Okay."
I chuckled. "What you don't like that?"
"The opposite actually." She breathed and wound her left hand into my hair again. Using her right hand she pulled my jeans down my legs, using her legs to help get them down past my knees. I don't know if they made it off the bed or not.
All I knew was that our flame surely was rekindled.
And rekindled.
And rekindled again.
…
"Bella please…" I begged grabbing her arms. I didn't know where we were but we surely weren't at home.
"I have to go Edward. They need me." She tugged against me.
"I need you." I wept.
"They're my family." Bella shook her head.
I looked past her and sure enough there they were.
Elizabeth.
Edward.
Jasper.
James? James was there?
Riley? Why Riley?
And Alice.
All trying to take her away from me.
I sat up quickly giving myself a head rush. Bella's body sunk lower, since it was resting on my chest and when I sat up her head moved down to my stomach. I looked down at her and breathed in relief.
It was just a dream.
Just a damn dream.
Stop working yourself up over it Edward.
She's not going.
No one's taking her away.
It's okay.
She's right there.
In my lap.
Sleeping.
It's okay, Edward.
She's fine.
Stop having flashbacks, stop having nightmares and just live your life.
I can't until everything got settled.
Until the Masen's were gone. Until I knew James would never see or speak to Bella again. Until Tanya wasn't even a thought in my head, meaning again, James would need to leave and stop reminding me of the bitch.
Jasper and Alice needed to settle, to stop causing shit and be happily together.
Alice needed to apologize.
Riley… Why was Riley in my dream? Has he ever served as a threat?
He tried to get Bella to date him…
Shit, I was messed up.
I tugged at my hair with both hands.
"Edward?" My wife stirred. She slowly sat up next to me and wrapped both arms around me. "What's wrong, hubs?"
"I'm so messed up." I groaned.
"You are not." Bella whispered and shook her head against me.
I didn't reply.
"We'll get through this."
Some silence.
"I had a nightmare."
Strangely, talking about it felt better than swallowing it.
"What happened?" Bella asked squeezing me tighter to her.
"They took you away." I stressed.
"Who are they?" She questioned.
"Masens, James, Alice, Jasper even… Riley… Tanya…" I named out the list.
"Those are the people that are bugging you?" Bella said and it came out like a question.
"Yeah… I think the Masens and Alice are tied together." I spoke.
"Because you can't forgive Alice for leaving you for them." She stated.
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Edward, you need to talk to Alice about this." Bella sighed.
"Will this ever go away?" I asked. "Why can't I just be happy?"
"We'll get through this." Bella promised.
…
"See," Bella smiled. "This is the funny, smart, handsome, strong, nice, protective guy that I fell in love with." She put another dab of raw cookie dough on my nose.
I moved my finger up to my nose and wiped of the cookie dough. With the cookie dough on my finger I smeared it on Bella's right cheek. "Just adding the finishing touches…"
"We aren't going to have cookie dough left if we keep this up." Bella laughed and used the back of her hand to wipe it off.
"That's okay, this is more fun." I smiled and dipped my finger into the bowl. I put some on the left check. "We can always bake another batch."
"Though you know." I licked my finger clean of any excess cookie dough. "You're completely wiping away any masculinity I had left."
She shook her head. "Whatever Edward."
"Who bakes cookies at ten at night anyways?" I asked as I looked over to the clock.
"We do." Bella replied.
"True." I nodded in agreement. "Very… us."
I spent this whole day without one flashback.
It was great.
Most of it was probably because I had heard from Emmett who called earlier that Tanya moved to Utah with James. Apparently they were back together.
Last I heard Tanya was getting married.
But she must have called it quits.
Because now she's with James.
In Utah.
Ha ha!
"Why so smiley hubs?" Bella asked and stepped closer, wiping off some cookie dough on my chin and licking it off her finger. "Not that I object."
"Utah is actually a lovely place." I bent down to kiss her lips. "But right here, right here with you is much better."
I was going to talk to Alice too…
Eventually.
And it was helping.
Getting rid of the burdens.
I could finally be happy.
With Bella.
I could finally be… me.
"Okay, now it's time to get these cookies –or what's left- cooking." Bella said and turned to the cookies.
"Alright." I nodded.
And I was still smiling.
A/N: I wrote a pretty intimate scene. Gah. LOL.
Seeing Edward's progress?
Next chapter... Probably Edward POV.
Please review.