I kept glancing up at him, making sure I was doing it right. Yes I have given a blow job before, and received one, but Logan was different. One he's older, so he's probably had a few. Two he was trying his hardest not to have sex with me, because he wanted to go slow. But I wanted this, and from his groans, and the tugs at my hair, I knew he wanted it to.
"Fuck…Kendall…slower." I did as I was told watching him squeeze his eyes tight, and grip my hair tight. It hurt, but I was learning for me, pain was pleasure.
He was bigger than Adam, and while I sucked him, I got nervous at the thought of him pushing into me. It was going to hurt badly, and maybe we should go slow. I pulled off his dick with a pop and he looked down quick. He nodded and quickly pushed me back on the bed, flat on my back. He motioned for me to get up on the bed further and I did watching his every move. He climbed between my legs and grabbed my penis. I closed my eyes and clutched the still made bed. His tongue circled around the tip, and quickly went down the bottom, to the base. He worked me with his mouth and hand. When I looked down at him, it looked like he was struggling to get me in his mouth. He only went down, just a little past the tip, but his hand managed to work the rest of me slowly with his hand.
He had worked me up to the point of no return and I shuttered under him, spurting out into his throat. I groaned out, gritting my teeth. I refused to grab onto his head, and tug his hair. I just couldn't imagine hurting him like that. So I gripped the blanket under my sweaty body, and pulled them up, arching my back. I was so high up in my climax, I didn't feel him, let go of me, and kiss his way up my body, giving little nips here and there. When he got to my mouth, he gave a soft kiss and slowly out his body on top of mine. He pulled away from my lips, and breathed hard in my ear and he laid on me. I opened my eyes and reached up with both hands. I held the sides of his face and stared into his big brown eyes. He gave me a sexy smile that made me moan. He pushed himself up, so he was hovering over me. I reached down and slowly stroked myself, while touching him as well. He closed his eyes and put his head down.
"Logan?" He looked up quick and raised his eyebrows. "I…I don't think I'm ready." He cocked his head to the left, and I stopped moving my hand. I let go of his face, and knew…he was disappointed. I turned my head and looked away, hating myself. I felt hot air breath into my ear, and then lips attach to the skin under my ear. His lips moved to the lobe and kissed gently.
"I know you're not." I turned back to him quick and saw him smirking. "It's alright I'm not going to force you into doing anything. I can wait. Trust me." He kissed my cheek and quickly rolled off me. He jumped off the bed and picked up his boxers. He threw me mine, and I got off pulling them on. He pulled the blankets down and motioned for me to get in. I did, rolling on my side, watching him. He walked to his bag and pulled out a long sleeved shirt. He pulled it on and then pulled out a pair of sweats. He bent down and kissed my head. "I'm going to go get some ice, and some drinks. I'll be right back babe."
I nodded and he walked to his shoes, slipping them on. He grabbed the key and walked out putting his wallet in his pocket.
I pulled the blanket up under my chin and squeezed my eyes shut. He knew I wasn't ready. How embarrassing! I turned on my stomach and pushed my face in the pillow. I could have cried out, at how embarrassed I was. I bet, James was ready. And all the other guys he's been with. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should be dating a 19 year old. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I rolled back on my back and kicked the blankets off.
"I love him." It was quiet, but loud enough to bounce off the walls in the room. It had only been a week that we've been together. I've known and watched him from a distance for three weeks. How could I be so sure this was love? I guess I can't tell if I've never been in love before. It sure as hell wasn't love with Adam. He was just a pretty face, to distract me from my crush with Mr. Mitchell, my English professor. But somehow, someway, I managed to let that small crush turn into a huge problem. Love.
I turned to my other side and punched the pillow. I was going insane. That was all there was too it. He's 30 for Christ sake. He doesn't love me. He can't. Were so different, in so many ways, and let's not forget, I just embarrassed the hell out of myself. If he was smart he would leave the second I fell asleep, and drop me from his class, to not deal with me.
I cringed hearing the lock working and closed my eyes. Maybe if he thought I was asleep, had just go to bed, and not want to talk.
"You better not be asleep." The door closed and I opened my eyes. I sat up and watched him walk to the desk. He put down, two bottles of water, and two bottles of soda, and the ice bucket. He kicked off his shoes and tore off his shirt. I sat against the head board and watched him put ice in two small plastic cups and grab a bottle of water. He walked to the other side of the bed and got in handing me a cup. I managed a smile as he filled the cup, and then his. We both drank some in silence. I knew it. He was regretting this whole thing. I looked down at my now empty cup and wallowed in my own self-pity.
"Okay…what's wrong?" I turned to him and he had a look of concern and pain on his face.
"Nothing…" He smirked and put back some more water. He set his cup on the night stand next to the bottle of water. He turned to me and crossed his arms over his chest.
"I think you've forgotten. I've been a teacher for three years. I understand body language." I turned away and felt the heat burning from my cheeks. "Kendall…talk to me…please." I sighed and put my head back and closed my eyes.
"I'm embarrassed."
"What for?" I slowly turned to him and opened my eyes.
"For…not being ready." He remained still for a moment, and then…he burst out laughing. His face turned red, and his cackles echoed through the room. I sat up and dropped my mouth. He bent over holding his stomach still laughing. "Logan!" I gave him a shove and he turned to me, wiping his eyes.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" He put a hand on my leg and took a couple of deep breaths. "I'm sorry baby…I'm sorry it's just your so cute, it's funny." I sat back crossing my arms over my chest, turning away from him.
"You're mean." The bed went up and down and he was on my lap, holding my hands in his. He leaned down so were we staring at each other and sighed.
"You do realize, I had no intention of having sex with you right?" I turned away and he again sighed. "You have something…something special and innocent, that I can't take from you right now." I looked back at him, and felt my heart swelling. "You're still innocent, and pure, and until we have gotten further in our relationship, to where we both can trust each other with all our hearts, I'm not doing it." I swallowed hard. He understood. I didn't have to tell him, he just knew. And he wasn't being a jerk about it. (I choose to ignore his laughing fit two seconds ago.) He dropped one of my hands and ran a hand through my hair. We locked eyes and he leaned in, kissing me. Shocks went up to my brain and down to the tip of my toes.
Was this love? Perhaps. Was this a crush? Hell no. I was in way to deep, and felt way to close with him. So maybe at the end of the day, I should stop thinking about it, and just let him, be with me…and I with him.