SORRY SORRY SORRY PLEASE DONT KILL ME ~!

I've Had An INSANE Amount Of Writers Block On Ashleigh's Past, And It Doesn't Help That I Have NO TIME To Write Anymore ! ... SO PLEASE GIVE ME SOME IDEAS PEOPLE ! x_x.

I Pretty Much Only Posted This Chapter To Not Make You Guys Hate Me...

Dimitri POV.

I can't keep staying here! I've been laying on my bed for God knows how long. I have no idea how much time has passed since I had no shifts today. I'm numb inside, it's hard to believe she's really gone. I like to hole myself up in my room and just think.

All I've been thinking about is What If.. What if we didn't go to the caves that day? What if There were more fire users? What if it were me instead of Rose?

My Roza.. I made a promise to her, an unsaid promise.

~Flashback~

We had nine people in our group: Lissa, Victor, Natalie, Camille, Rose, me, and three other guardians. Two of the guardians, Ben and Spiridon, always travelled with Victor. The third was one of the school's Guardians: Stan, he always loved to humiliate Rose in class, which I found utterly entertaining.

"Camille and Natalie don't have personal guardians yest," I explained to Rose. "They're both under the protection of their families' guardians. Since they are Academy students leaving campus, a school guardian accompanies them – Stan. I go because I'm Lissa's assigned guardian. Most girls her age wouldn't have a personal guardian yes, but circumstances make her unusual."

Rose sat in between me and Spiridon, so we could give her advice for the training exercise. Ben and Stan sat up in the front, while the others sat in in the middle. Lissa and Victor talked to each other a lot, catching up on some news. Camille, raised to be polite among other older royals, smiled and nodded along.

Natalie, on the other hand, looked left out and was trying to shift her father's attention from Princess Vasilisa. It didn't seem to be working because he'd apparently learned to tune out her chatter.

Rose turned to me. "She's supposed to have two guardians. Princes and Princesses always do."

Spiridon was my age, with spiky blonde hair and a more casual attitude than me. Despite his Greek name, he had a southern drawl. "Don't worry, she'll have plenty when the time comes. Dimitri's already one of them. Odds are you'll be one too. And that's why you're here today."

"The training part" Rose guessed.

"Yup. You're going to be Dimitri's partner."

A moment of funny silence fell, probably not noticeable to anyone except Rose and me. Our eyes met.

"Guarding partner," I clarified to her unnecessarily, she might have been thinking of other kinds of partners. Hell, I was even thinking about other kinds of partners...

"Yup." Agreed Spiridon.

Oblivious to the tension around him, he went on to explain how guardian pairs worked. It was standard stuff, straight from the students' textbooks, but it meant that she would be doing it in the real world. Guardians were assigned to Moroi based on importance, everyone knew that. Two was a common grouping, one Rose would probably work in a lot with the Princess. One guardian stayed close to the target; the other stood back and kept an eye on the surroundings.

The positions were called near and far guards. A pretty original name eh?

"You'll probably always be near guard," I told her. "You're female and the same age as the princess. You can stay close to her without attracting attention to yourselves."

"And I can't ever take my eyes off of her," She noted. "Or you."

Spiridon laughed and elbowed me in the ribs. "you've got a star student there. Did you give her a stake?"

"No. She's not ready." As much as I wanted to give it to Rose to protect herself, That was the truth. She just wasn't ready yet, emotionally and physically.

"I would be if someone would show me how to use one," she argued. I knew she knew every guardian in the van had a stake and a gun concealed on him. I also knew she wasn't happy about the idea that she was the only one who didn't.

"There's more to it than just using the stake," I said to her. It was true, the first kill is always the worst. I knew she would think I'm giving her my "Zen Crap" again. "You've still got to subdue them. And you've got to bring yourself to kill them."

"Why wouldn't I kill them?" She asked, clearly puzzled.

"Most Strigoi used to be Moroi who purposely turned. Sometimes they're Moroi or dhampirs turned by force. It doesn't matter. There's a strong chance you might know one of them. Could you kill someone you used to know?"

"I guess I'd have to, right? If it's them or Lissa..."

"You still might hesitate," I told her. "And that hesitation could kill you. And her."

"Then how do you make sure you don't hesitate?"

"You have to keep telling yourself that they aren't the same people you knew. They've become something dark and twisted. Something unnatural. You have to let go of the attachments and do what's right. If they have any grain of their former selves left, they'll probably be grateful." I told her.

"Grateful for me killing them?" She was still puzzled, that or trying to wrap her head around the concept.

"What would you want if you knew you were going to be converted into a Strigoi against your will? If you knew you would lose all sense of your old morals and understanding of what's right and wrong? If you knew you'd live the rest of your life – your immortal life – killing innocent people? What would you want?"

The van had grown uncomfortably silent. Rose was staring at me, her deep, brown eyes boring into my very soul.

I've met very few people who took being a guardian so seriously. Rose was one of them. She understood life-and-death consequences. It was really shocking to see someone of her age understand her duty to her best friend.

I am the same way. We understand each other, understood that we have others to protect. Our lives would never be easy. And making decisions like the question I asked was part of that.

"If I became Strigoi..." She started. "I'd want someone to kill me." Relief flooded through me. In truth, I wasn't sure what her answer would be.

"So would I," I said very quietly.

~End Flashback~

I've come to realize what I have to do now.

I'm going off to find and kill the love of my life. And I had an idea of where she might be.

PLEASE REVIEW TO GIVE ME SOME IDEAS FOR ASHLEIGH'S PAST ! I'm At A Total Loss X_X.