Chapter One: Fallout
"Mama gone now. Daddy gone too. All alone now?"
-Kitty (age 4)
The Daily News Archives
(Two weeks post 74th Annual Hunger Games)
The knock on the door was unexpected. People had stopped visiting us not long after my Father passed and my Mother couldn't muster up the energy to greet them and their false platitudes.
When somebody you know dies it hurts. I've always imagined it to the feeling an animal must have when being gutted. That's how I felt when my father passed. Breathless, an aching agony that spread from my belly up until my whole body felt on fire and covered in rash. Like my insides had been spilled out in front of me for all to see.
However, when someone you know experiences a loss, it's only a ping. Sometimes sharp, but fading quickly. When that friend, that person you know doesn't recover fast enough, you soon begin to feel awkward because you don't understand why they are still recovering. You start to avoid them because the conversation is stilted and the only emotion they show is pain. Never ending pain until you can't bare it anymore. After all, that's what happened to me when my father died. Any friends I had before his death are gone now. Now I only have Gale. I think I prefer it that way.
The knock comes again, louder, a rapping on the hard wood that echoes through our small home. Whoever it is isn't going away so I stand from my seated position and make my way over. Mom and Prim are in the square now collecting necessities from the market. That leaves me to greet our unexpected guest.
I open the door and stare wordlessly at our most famous District 12 drunk on my doorstep. I'd never met Haymitch Abernathy before, but I knew him by sight from previous reapings.
"What do you want?" I greet, any resemblance of cordiality has been swiftly deserted in the surprise his presence has afforded me.
"Well hello to you too, Sweetheart."
His grin is unbearable and my hand twitches in longing for my bow and arrow. I'd never even met the man before and now all I wanted to do was shoot him.
"How can I help you Mr. Abernathy?" My question is posed more in an effort to calm my anger then in an attempt at being polite. If I'm nice, maybe he'll leave quickly.
"Can I come in?" Without giving me a chance to answer he pushes past me and into the house. "Nice digs, Sweetheart." He says, swaying slightly as he glances around.
"Get out."
"No can do. We need to have a talk, Katniss."
His use of my first name and his eyes suddenly zeroing in on mine has stunned me again. The door slams shut when I let go.
He kicks one of our few chairs out in gesture and sits in the one across from it.
He quietly issues me to sit down and I do so without protest. My hands find the edge of my shirt and grasp tightly, wringing it slightly in nervousness.
"The Capitol wants you dead."
No warning, just a blank statement given as if casually saying its sunny outside today.
"No." I don't even think when I say it.
"Yes," he replies.
I start to babble now, my mind twisting around, grasping for reason.
"They can't. I haven't done anything. What have I done? Is it Prim, Mom? Is it the hunt..." I start to say before my mind forces me to stop. I might already be caught. Hunting is illegal and if caught I can easily face death or worse. Some might consider death the final punishment, but the Capitol has ways to make you wish you were dead. Will Haymitch turn me in now?
"It's Peeta," he says and my mind comes to a halt.
"Peeta?"
"There's some things you need to understand, Sweetheart. The one thing that the Capitol can't, no, won't have is being shown up. Your boy Peeta made a fool of them and sometimes dying isn't enough. Not for President Snow at least."
"What does that have to do with me? What did Peeta do that was so bad?"
"Do you remember that little girl, Rue, from District 11?" My head nods, glad that I had watched the games for once this year. She reminded me of Prim. "Do you remember what Peeta did for her?"
I search frantically through my memories for an answer, but come up nothing to explain why the Capitol would want me dead.
"He was allied with her. After he was chased off by the Careers and injured, Rue helped him recover." The words are slow coming out of my mouth as the events play out in my mind. "When they separated briefly to go look for food, Peeta heard Rue calling for help, but by the time he got back to her she was already dying. The boy from District 1 had pinned her to the ground with a spear. He had left her there to bleed out. Then she died."
"Do you remember what he did as she was dying?" He asks.
My cheeks flush in embarrassment and anger at the question. Of course I remember.
"Yes."
Maybe he saw that I couldn't continue or that I refused to, for Haymitch picked up from where I left off in the tale. He leaned forward, elbows perched on knees.
"He told her about a girl he loved back home, a girl who didn't even know he existed, and about the first time he ever saw her. How she sang and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard and that he knew in that instant that she was the one. That her name was Katniss. Then when Rue asks him to sing that song for her, he does. How after Rue dies, he surrounds her in flowers and salutes the world in honor with three fingers. Then he speaks to you Katniss. With the world watching he tells them he loves you."
He's looking at me now, emphasizing the word love and I think I should be connecting something but I'm not. He shakes his head at me.
"Sweetheart, in that single moment he not only tells Snow that you meant everything to him, but he insights a rebellion that took the entire force of the Peacekeepers in 11 to contain. He basically spat in Snow's face with that little salute of his and now Snow has a way to make him pay. Peeta may be gone but the people of Panem were inspired by him and if destroying you is what it takes to fix that problem then Snow will come at you with the entire force of the Capitol. Snow's gunning for you now and he won't stop until you're bleeding and broken and buried in the ground."
I look down at my lap, processing. His words have finally reached me I guess. I have this insane urge to giggle madly. Peeta was both right and wrong in what he told Rue. I'd always known that he existed, but love? I'm pretty sure hate would have been more accurate. There's nothing in this world that I've come to hate more than being obligated to someone. I owed Peeta.
I glanced back up at Haymitch.
"I'm dead."
[A/N: Edited again for the glaringly obvious typo of 64th vs. 74th. Thank you to my wonderful reviewer who pointed it out]