Golden Eggs and Giant Squids!

Disclaimer: Yep, I don't nor will I ever own Harry Potter.

Thanks Spartan Ninja for putting up with my writing ;)

Headmaster's Office: Late evening...

"Thank you for coming. I believe we have a serious problem," Dumbledore began. Around the table sat each of the heads of house. Madam Pomphrey was seated as well. With a cough he began. "As you know earlier today, young Mr. Potter showed some unusual behavior. I have asked a healer to do an evaluation as soon as possible. St. Mungo's informed me that one of their specialists would be here first thing tomorrow. Now, as you know, Harry has to compete in the tournament due to the magical contract. What I'm worried about is his mental state; will he be able to handle it?"

The room was quiet for a moment. Unfortunately, it was only for a moment. "As usual Perfect Potter is playing you fools. The boy is obviously doing this for attention. His father was same." Snape said sneering.

What happened next surprised everyone. One moment Snape was leaning back in his, the next he was sprawled on the floor clutching his face after a resounding smack was heard in the room. All eyes were on McGonagall as she pulled her hand back.

"You self-conceited bastard. Young Harry has been entered into this tournament against his will and all you can think about is he's doing it for attention?" Snape said nothing, except sneer more maybe as he fixed himself back into his seat. He was about to interject, but McGonagall cut him off. "Harry is not James Severus, let it go," She turned to Albus. "As for Harry dealing with the tournament, from what I gather from his friends, he came to see you yesterday about this specific matter? What did you tell him?"

Albus' silence spoke volumes. This infuriated the already angered witch. "I have to say I feel truly sorry for the lad. He has had to endure a sorry lot in his young life already. I think he just couldn't take anymore. Poppy, do you agree with me?"

Poppy Pomphrey had been quiet through the whole discussion. Now, it was her time to speak. "I have to agree with Minerva. I did some scans and what I found was not good Albus. Harry's suffering from a magical form of a mental breakdown."

"What exactly do you mean Pomphrey?" Albus asked. 'Whatever she means, it could hurt Hogwarts', and in turn his own, reputation at home and abroad.'

"His mind has suffered traumatic experience upon traumatic experience. I have to agree with Minerva once again Albus. The constant stress in Harry's life has finally pushed the boy past the breaking point. What we have to do now," She paused to take a deep breath, "is find a way to heal his mind. There's no telling what his mental state is at the moment."

"Should we call someone from St. Mungo's? They're the experts on this." Filius Flitwick said.

"I have alread..." Albus was cut off by a sudden explosion that rocked the castle.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Snape yelled, jumping to his feet.

To everyone's surprise, the sorting hat sighed. "It seems young Mr. Potter has destroyed the potions classroom."

"WHAT!" Snape yelled. He was halfway to the door when it slammed closed. He spun on his heel and snarled at Albus. "Open the door Albus. I promise I will kill the brat slowly."

Albus held up his hand, indicating that he was not the one responsible. Snape spun towards Minerva only to have her shaking her head as well.

"Relax Slytherin head. Hogwarts herself has sealed the door," Several turned to look at the sorting hat speaking. McGonagall made to speak only to be silenced by the hat. "Do not worry professor. Hogwarts has sent elves to clean up the mess. Any punishment will be handed out by the head of Gryffindor."

"But Ms. Lovegood is one of my Ravenclaws." Filius squeaked.

"I'm sorry, but after what occurred earlier. She now is a part of young Harry, along with Ms. Granger as well." The hat said mysteriously.

"What does that mean you stupid hat." Snape snarled.

Suddenly the potions master found himself flung through the nearest window. His scream could be heard all the way down, especially the loud 'THUMP' of his impact with the ground below.

"He'll live. Now, Albus, Hogwarts wants this mess cleared up at once. Harry's behavior is nothing compared to what it could become if left unchecked," The hat was quiet for a moment, seemingly contemplating something. The hat began to speak with an ominous tone. "Hogwarts knows the truth about Harry, Albus. That is why she will do all that she can for the champion of light."

Albus paled at the hats words. 'He cannot find out, not yet.'

"Is Mr. Potter still in the potions classroom?" Minerva asked the hat, while giving Dumbledore a skeptical look.

"No, He's now making a campfire near the lake with Ms. Granger and Ms. Lovegood."

LMLMLMLMLMLMLMLMLM

"So, why exactly did I let you destroy the potions classroom?" Hermione asked. She was currently using a comb to get more of the gunk out of her hair. The stuff seemed to have no end to it.

"I told you, the room was full of negativity. It had to go 'Mione'" He said smiling.

"Don't call me that!" She growled.

"I think it's a lovely name. Some people call me Loony, but maybe I can be named Moony instead, as homage to my name?" The petite blond stated.

"Nah, I already know someone who's named Moony. And trust me; he's not as beautiful as you." Harry flirted.

Hermione stiffened. "Harry, If I'm your girlfriend. Then why are you flirting with Luna?" She asked sternly.

Harry blinked. But to his surprise, Luna answered her question. "Surely you know about the 'rights of the heir' Hermione?" Seeing the blank look on Hermione's face, the blond decided to explain. "While not very common these days, mostly well-to-do families having more than one child, the 'rights of the heir' as it's called, comes into effect when all family members have died off except for one sole, surviving heir. It then becomes that heir's responsibility to continue the bloodline. In most cases this involves taking two wives."

Hermione was silent for a while, her mind processing this new information. Her face contorted into expressions of dejectedness, dissatisfaction, confusion, thoughtful, realization, and finally acceptance. Finishing her facial contortions, she seemed to come to a decision. "OK, while I'm not exactly happy with you bringing in another woman on me Harry, and I don't think it's normal, I guess I can deal with it for your sake Harry Just make sure you don't decide to bring any other girls into our relationship. Having another is already going to be a bit complicated. Now I have to figure out how to tell my parents." She said, a bit of worry in her voice.

"Don't worry Hermione. Well tell them together." Luna said beaming.

"Err... I'm not sure if that would be a good idea Luna. My parents are very strict about some things. They may not like the fact that I'm in a relationship involving both a boy and another girl. It's just something that's not very common among muggles."

Luna was silent for a moment before smiling a very dreamy smile. "They won't understand at first Hermione. It will be up to us to make them understand, isn't that right Harry." The blond said, her steely gave focusing on Harry.

"I guess. I was just thinking it would be awesome to have two women to shag every night." He said smiling. Hermione, who had started to drink some pumpkin juice, promptly spit it all over Luna.

"WHAT!" She screeched.

"Oh good. Let's make this a game." Luna took a swallow before spewing the juice all over Harry.

By the time the staff found them, the trio were drenched in pumpkin juice.

LMLMLMLMLMLMLMLMLM

Albus sighed as the staff came across the three teens, all clearly drenched from head to toe.

"Harry, I would like for you to accompany me to my office. I have a few people that want to meet with you." Albus said to the young teen.

"What about us?" Hermione asked, her hand grabbing Harry and Luna's.

"Well..." Albus began, only to be cut off by Harry.

"I'm sorry sir, but these women are my betrothed."

"What."

"YAY!"

There was a flash of magic that seemed to seal the deal, so to speak of course.

Albus sighed. "Come along, it seems we have more than a few to contact tonight."

"Certainly Sir, oh by the way, I think I'm going to need a new egg." He said.

Minerva had been holding her stern tongue since they arrived. It seemed she could not hold it any longer.

"And just why do you need a new egg Mr. Potter?" The stern witch asked.

"Well..." His answer was cut off as the golden egg was seen flying through the air above them. The egg was traveling at a speed near supersonic before it hit the castle wall. Seeing the egg hit the wall, several winced, but only to gasp as the egg kept going.

…...

Several Gryffindor's and Slytherins were heading to the great hall. With potions canceled for some reason, there wasn't much to do other than have a free period.

Ron couldn't believe his luck, no Snape this morning, things were looking up.

A sudden noise caused everyone to freeze in their tracks. "Do you here that?" One of the Slytherin's asked.

"Probably just Weasley's stomach, as usual." Draco said, causing several Slytherin's to laugh.

"Shut it Malfoy." Ron snarled, already pulling his wand.

The groups had moved towards one another, seeming to anticipate the fight that was about to happen. Neither expected for the wall to explode.

Everything seemed to happen at once. The explosion knocked several onto their backs, including Malfoy. Ron turned to see a girl with dark hair, and wide blue eyes, freeze in shock. Without a thought, he pulled her down, just as the egg soared past where her head had previously been.

As the egg continued on into another wall, Ron looked down at the girl he had saved.

"Err... Sorry, didn't mean to fall on you in the process." He said, the color of his face matching his hair. 'Man, she's really cute.'

"It's okay. It's better than having my head knocked off. But, do you mind getting off of me so I can get up?" She asked, while raising a well-manicured eyebrow.

Ron blushed and nodded. He got to his feet and held out his hand. The girl took it and he pulled her to her feet. It was then that he noticed the green serpent on her robes.

"My names Tracey, Tracey Davis." She said smiling, holding out her hand.

"Uh, Ron, Ron Weasley." He stuttered. 'Why am I acting like this? She's a bloody Slytherin.'

"I know your name Weasley, I've been a classmate of yours for four years now." She said teasingly.

Ron could only nod dumbly. This girl seemed to have some weird effect on him. Not the kind that when he's around Malfoy and his lot that makes him see red, but rather one that kept him from seeing anything but this girl in front of him, as if the rest of his brain was shutting down. Which would probably explain what he did next, or it was him showing his Gryffindor colors.

"So Tracey, would you like to hang out sometime? I mean that is if you're not busy or anything," He turned to hide the blush, and to avoid the mostly like rejection. But to his surprise, she responded with a resounding "Yes." He turned to look at her. "Seriously?" At her nod he let out his own loud "YES!" before picking her up and spinning her around.

That day surprised several people. Ron Weasley asking out a Slytherin girl. And Draco finally being silenced for the first time in his life as he stared dumbly at Ron and Tracey laughing with each other.

LMlMLMLMLMLMLMLMLM

Snape had finally gotten his classroom back to normal. He was silently debating on the whole issue with Harry Potter. The name alone cause him to crack the beaker that was in his hand. Unfortunately for Severus Snape, the beaker was full of an explosive ingredient. Which he was unfortunately holding over an open flame. The resulting explosion caused the very grounds to shake.

LMLMLMLMLMLMLMLMLM

Headmaster's Office: 11 P.M.

Albus took off his glasses and rubbed his brow. Things had not gone well today. The healer he had requested from St. Mungo's only confirmed what Minerva had said. Harry's mind had snapped and was a torrent of emotions and impulses. With it confirmed Albus now had to decide what to do about it. On one hand he had to hold his teachers oath and insure the well-being of Harry and every other child in Hogwarts. And on the other he had to make sure Harry competed in the tournament. The loss of Harry's magic was too great of a cost.

Then there was the incident with the egg earlier. Why Harry felt it was a good idea to give the golden egg to the giant squid as a play toy was unheard of. Said squid had gotten bored quickly and threw it back. It just so happened to put all its muscle in the throw, resulting in damage being caused to the castle. Thankfully, the only person injured was Hagrid. The half giant had been bending over, picking up some firewood near his hut when he was struck in the bum by the egg. Madam Pomphrey was currently trying to dislodge the egg from his backside, with no success so far.

The issue with Harry declaring Hermione and Luna his betrothed was another discussion entirely. The heads of the girls' houses had been furious at the teens; neither believed the trio were ready to take on the adult world. Albus had to agree, but then he would be going against several old laws. If he tried to go against them, the pure-bloods would cause havoc. He informed Minerva and Filius that the trio would use one of the unused classrooms on the seventh floor as a room. He already had the school elves fixing it up to be a bedroom and common room.

He had sent an owl off to each of the girls' parents. While Ms. Grangers parents had yet to respond, Luna's father had flooed into his office earlier.

Flashback:

"Luna my dear, The headmaster just told me the good news. Have you done the deed yet?" Xeno asked cheerfully. Several mouths dropped open in surprise, including Hermione.

"Um.. Xeno, do you think that's the right question you should be asking?" McGonagall asked, more than a bit flustered at Xeno's nonchalant attitude.

"Not really, I trust Luna," He turned to his daughter. "Now make sure you know the contraceptive spell. I don't want babies at least for another few years ok?" He said smiling.

"Of course daddy, when Harry finally uses his wand to stir my cauldron properly. It will be for babies of course." The blond beamed at her father.

The others could only stare in complete shock as the father and daughter hugged before Xeno stepped back and departed back through the fireplace.

Luna turned to Harry. "So Harry, want to see my cauldron?" This caused McGonagall to faint.

End Flashback:

Yes, things were starting to get out of hand. What could he do to ensure Harry wouldn't endanger himself or others.

His musing was cut short by a knock on his door.

"Come in." He said.

The door opened to admit a strange sight. Severus Snape was pink... bright pink to be precise. It wasn't just his clothes. His hair, skin, even teeth were bright pink.

"Albus, we have a problem." Snape said, fear slipping into his voice at the thought of what may be the second coming of the Marauders.

"Yes... we do." Albus said, while trying to hold his laughter in.

A/N: Well another chapter down and out. I'm extremely thankful for all the response I've gotten for this story. Thank you all. I would also to once again state. That this is just a humor fic, so it's going to be a bit nutty and no I won't be bashing anyone. Thanks once again :D