Chapter I don't know?
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. But I do own a Mustang... HA take that Ford... ok... so I'm buying the Mustang. You happy?...hello?...
Special Thanks to Spartan Ninja for being an awesome Beta!
Albus strolled towards the black lake with Ludo and Severus beside him. It was the day of the second task, and it looked to be a great day. For the past few weeks Harry Potter had been silent. No... not talking, but quiet. No craziness had been happening and he was happy for a change. Add in the fact the two girls had been mysteriously quiet as well was a bonus.
"Today looks like a great day Albus. The champions are in for a treat I'm sure," Ludo said smugly. Albus glanced at Ludo and rolled his eyes. He knew of Ludo's habits. None could hide much from him. Then again, it was easy to tell when one has certain habits.
"Indeed Ludo, Indeed," Albus glanced to his left and noticed Severus's eyes shifting around. "Are you ok Severus?"
Snape jumped slightly hearing Albus's voice. "Yes Headmaster, why do you ask?" he asked, attempting to pull of his usual sneer.
"You seem a little on edge. Are you sure you're ok?" Albus asked again. In response Snape gripped his cloak and quickened his pace.
"I'm curious as to what Potter was doing with those 'machines' of his. And furthermore, why did you let him bring them here?" Ludo asked, curious.
Albus sighed, yet again. "You know the rules Ludo. The champion can use any means necessary, as long as it doesn't involve dark magic of course."
"I'm not sure I trust those muggle contraptions," Ludo paused. He was still getting used to the word after all. "Those things should be considered dark. I mean look how big they are!"
Albus gave a concerned nod. He too had been wondering what the purpose of those machines were for. His many attempts at finding out only led him to dead ends. 'Yes, Harry was covering his tracks well.'
Ludo suddenly came to a stop. Albus glanced at the man whose mouth was agape. Albus turned to see what had Ludo so shocked only to stumble and gasp himself.
Near the edge of the lake was something massive. The duo however, had no clue as to what it was, for a giant cloth was covering it. Albus spotted Harry standing off to the side from the giant object and quickly changed his course. Ludo followed along, still gaping at the giant object.
Coming up to the trio, who were talking amongst themselves, Dumbledore laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. Unfortunately, this startled Harry, causing him to Karate flip Dumbledore over his shoulder.
Gasps of shock were heard as Dumbledore when flying through the air, before landing with a loud 'thunk' against a large boulder.
Hermione and Luna made a loud squeal before running over to check on the Headmaster.
"Professor, are you ok?" Hermione asked. She was caught by surprise when Harry threw the old man. She also learned a valuable lesson. Don't surprise Harry!
Albus coughed as he sat up. He gave a nod to show he was ok, while not admitting that he was thoroughly embarrassed to have his ass handed to him by Harry.
"Yes my dear. Now, if I can have a word Harry," He turned to Harry. "I was wondering what this is that you have covered. I hope it's nothing too dangerous that could jeopardize yourself or those involved in the tournament?" He asked.
"Of course not Headmaster, I would never harm my fellow champions... on purpose of course." Harry gave the headmaster an all too innocent smile as he spoke the last part.
Dumbledore's gaze had wandered towards the main podium where Ludo was getting ready to begin the second task while Harry was answering. Hearing Harry's after-thought, found his head snapping back to the boy in question. Anything he might have wanted say was cut short however, as Ludo stepped up to the podium and began the opening speech.
As Dumbledore made his way up to the podium to begin the second task, Hermione and Luna moved closer to Harry.
"You ready Harry?" Hermione asked.
Harry gave her a smile that caused her knees to shake slightly. "Of course my 'Mione'." He winked.
Luna was the first to pull him into a kiss, quickly followed by Hermione. Harry pulled his robes off to reveal a pair of swimming trunks. He tied the string and looked to Hermione and Luna. Both girls had a hungry look in their eyes as they took in his well-toned chest.
"Well, I'm off. Wish me luck."
Both girls shook their heads to clear their thoughts. Harry strode towards the platform where the other champions were waiting.
HPHPHPHPHPHPHHPPHPHPHPHPHP
The blast signaling the start of the tournament had three champions jumping in. But oddly enough, Harry didn't budge.
"Harry, what are you waiting for?" Ron called from the stands, his arm around Tracey. The two seemed to be inseparable. Tracey was now a constant presence at the Gryffindor table. Harry couldn't be more happy for his Friend.
Dumbledore approached the podium. "Harry, you must not delay. What you cherish most will be lost if you do not retrieve it. Have you forgotten that you are also bound to a magical contract?" Dumbledore asked worriedly.
Harry smiled at the Headmaster. "I'm well aware Professor. But, first things first, the two objects I cherish the most are safe and sound," He paused to give Hermione and Luna a wave. Both girls seemed nervous about something, at least to Albus anyway. "And second, thanks to Hermione's studies, I only have to do this to fulfill the magical aspect of the contract."
Harry walked over the edge and stuck is foot in. He stepped back and gave a bow.
Albus was speechless, as well as the crowd apparently. To their eyes, Harry seemed to refuse to compete in the tournament. Now, normally this would have caused a certain Blond Slytherin to start spouting off about how Potter thinks the world should kiss his arse. But just by chance, the certain Blond prince was nowhere to be found, much to the dismay of his body guards and betrothed.
Albus had a thought that was worrying him. Forgetting common sense, Albus just had to ask.
"Then might I ask Mr. Potter, What the contraption is that you have under the cloth?"
Harry smiled. "You sure can," He turned towards his two girls. "Hit it ladies."
The cloth was removed to reveal a giant sized mixer. This came to a shock to a majority of the pure-bloods. As most no clue as to what the object was that they were currently looking at. The real attention getter though, was a certain Blond haired prince, attached to the front of it.
A loud humming began as the blades on the mixer began to churn. The crowd watched as Hermione and Luna used their wands to open a part on the machine that began pouring a crystal like substance into the lake.
Draco was in hell, or what he considered close to hell. He had been kidnapped while heading to the loo. He had awakened to find himself covered by some kind of cloth. When it was removed and he found himself two stories above the lake. He did two things then, first he pissed himself, adding to the contents of the lake. And second, he began to scream the girliest scream ever heard of on planet Earth.
…...
Off in the stands a certain set of twins watched on in awe. A small bag of coins was passed from one twin to the other.
"Looks like you were right Fred, Harry's taken it one step further."
"I'm not sure we can top this dear brother... but we will die trying!" George declared.
…...
When Draco's screams reached Ron Weasley's ears, he gripped his sides and roared in laughter. Many of the Slytherin's glared daggers at the red head, while Crabbe and Goyle wondered how the person they were assigned to protect vanished on their watch.
Tracey looked around at all the faces of confusion. She sat back in her sat next to a still laughing Ron while trying to act nonchalant of course. It wouldn't do well for her image for the school to find out that she was the one to help Harry's girls retrieve Draco.
She glanced at the Weasley's twins who looked like they would give their left kidney to find out how the perpetrator of this most infamous prank did this. 'Maybe she should drop them a line?'
…...
Dumbledore noticed the trio began to chant as they stared up at the screaming form of Draco.
"Ula Teck, Ula Teck, Ula Teck." The trio chanted.
Dumbledore quickly strode over to the trio. "Mr. Potter, you stated that no one would be harmed. What are you chanting and why is Mr. Malfoy strapped to this machine?"
Harry turned to Albus smiling. "Oh he's not going to be harmed headmaster. In fact, I think he may enjoy what's to come," Harry started to turn but Albus gave a cough. Harry sighed. "The chant is from some movie or something I saw once. Not sure what it was but Dudley sure was staring at the women's bits in it though. Now, IF you don't mind. We have a sacrifice to perform." Harry turned back to the two girls and began to chant once more.
'Sacrifice? What was the boy trying to accomplish.' Albus soon found out however, as the water of the lake began to turn a dark brown.
"What in Merlin's Beard!" Ludo gasped.
The watery consistency of the lake began to thicken like sludge. Albus noticed the other three champions appear at the surface with their hostages. They began to trudge to the sludge like material.
Within ten minutes the trio of Champions finally made it to the shore, just as the giant machine stopped. The crowd was left speechless as they stared at the once beautiful lake.
"What have you done?" Albus asked.
"Oh not much, we just turned the lake to pudding. Is that cool or what?" The boy beamed at Albus.
"But... don't you realize just what you've done? You've killed the mer-people that live in lake. What of the other creatures in it as well? What of the giant squid?" Albus asked in disbelief.
"As you can see the giant squid if having a blast," Harry gestured across the lake. Sure enough the squid seemed to be enjoying the now pudding lake. "As for the mer-people, well... they'll be missed of course. But hey, in this tournament there's bound to be losses right?"
Albus could only stare in shock as the boy-who-lived gripped the hands of his companions and made for the lake.
Luna pulled a spoon out of nowhere and dived headfirst into the lake of pudding and began to eat. The trio seemed oblivious of everything, even the dead bodies of the mer-people that began to float to the surface.
Cornelius stepped up beside Dumbledore with his hands wringing his lime-green bowler hat. "This is going to look very bad isn't it Albus?" Albus was silent. What was he supposed to say in this situation? Cornelius took the man's silence as agreement. "I wonder what the headline will read. 'Boy-Who-Lived becomes Boy-Who-Commited Genocide. This will be bad Albus. We must fix this!" Cornelius growled out the last word.
Albus could only nod as he watched the trio eat pudding to their hearts content.
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPPHPHPHPHPHP
Sometime later...
As the trio were eating, Hermione realized something. "Err... Harry... this isn't the part of the lake that Draco... ya know in is it?" She asked, hoping that it wasn't.
Harry smiled at her. "Nahhhh... I took care of that bit."
Hermione nodded. "So, I wonder if they'll give you a score or not? I mean... you did kind of kill all the mer-people and turn the lake into a giant bowl of pudding. Oh and made people seriously think that Draco might in fact be a woman in disguise with the way he screamed."
Harry shrugged. "I don't really care. I'm just happy to be here with my two girls."
This was the right thing to say as both girls tackled him and kissed him. A pudding fight soon ensued.
Elsewhere, in the Slytherin common room, Draco's two goons came across a fridge full of pudding.
"Hey Goyle, what flavor is yours?" Crabbe asked.
The Slytherin dipped his finger and took a bite. "Mmmmm... Lemon. What's yours?"
Crabbe dipped his finger and took a bite. His face changed several shades of color before he promptly vomited all over a shocked Pansy, who had just entered the common room.
Pansy screamed in fury and hexed Crabbe before storming off to her dorm to change. Goyle watched the scene in silence. Finally, when Crabbe seemed to calm down, he just had to ask.
"Well... what did yours taste like?" He asked.
Crabbed looked him in the eye. "It tasted like S***"
A/N: Another chapter down, another chapter done. While some things in this chapter might not please everyone. Please remember that this is a humor/crack fic. It's designed to ensure chaos lol. On another note I'm publishing a new series that will be little ideas, stories, and so forth that really didn't go anywhere. I want to ask if anyone has a clue as to what movie the chant was from. Winner gets a virtual cookie ;). On one last note. I'm looking for Omakes for this story. So please get them to me soon as this story only has maybe 4 or so chapters left. Maybe less. Thanks everyone :)