Light hated this feeling. He was a monster a cold, cruel, heartless monster. Ryuzaki probably lied to him in hopes that he would never have to become that monster again. Light hugged his knees closer.

"Maybe you could lock yourself up here till you die. After all, who's going to miss you?" The voice didn't feel like his. Something changed.

Light's eyes flashed open, "Kira!"

"Told ya' I'd be back. Ya' miss me?" Light gripped his throat trying to figure out why he was talking. This was not him. "I told you we're one and the same. Now I don't have to go away. We'll just die together this time."

"If you died then how can you still be alive?"

"Do you believe in resurrection?"

"No," Light spat out bitterly.

"Strange since you used to believe all this stuff. You were supposed to be God."

"That was a childish, impossible dream that I have no memory of. I don't believe in anything you tell me. Just go away!"

"I was hoping you'd hate him, but man you're persistent."

"And you're stubborn."Light chewed on his bottom lip. He could make out brief sounds from past conversations with his former self. He couldn't tell what he was saying through his blurred memory.

"Hey, Light," He chuckled sinisterly as he whispered, "I know how you can get your memories back."

"What?"

"That's right and if you want them all you have to do is ask."

Light thought for a moment. He desperately wanted his memories back! He felt incomplete without them even more so now since Ryuzaki told him his past. Then all these questions ran through his mind.

Had he really killed all those people? Had he even known them? What happened to them? What had he done? What did his family think of him? Was his family even alive? Did they know what a monster he was?

"…Light?" Light heard L from the other side of the door. "I know you probably don't want to hear it, but listen to me, alright? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you. I never wanted to. It just seemed… easier at that time. I promise I'll answer any question you have for me. I'll never lie again."

"It's Ryuzaki," Light whispered in the dark.

"Maybe if you ignore him he'll leave."

Light rolled his eyes, "Just shut up. I'm going to talk to him." Light slit the door open slightly. Light poured in the room. "Good morning, Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki's eyes were red and puffy. He looked tired as always. However, he'd been crying.

"Great I upset you again," Light moaned. He hated to see L like this.

"No it was my own fault. Mello and Matt were being idiots again."

Light chuckled, "Well that is their specialty."

L forced a chuckled, but it was obvious it was fake. Depression hit L hard in the chest and now he felt the tight knot forming in his throat. "…Um… So did you want to ask me something?"

"Um… yeah," Light sighed. "What about my family? Are they really dead?"

"You're father and mother are…"

"How did it happen?" Light's eyes were shining as he opened the door fully.

L thought for a moment about how to word this, "You're father was shot by one of Mello's henchmen and then had to deal with the explosion. Mello blew up the building they were in after he was shot. We rushed him to the hospital, but it was too late." L chuckled, "You begged your father to kill Mello. Guess you know how he got that scar."

"… An explosion…"

L nodded, "And your mother died of a drug overdose. I'm just hearing about this as well. Apparently she couldn't stand losing both you and her husband. She basically shoved every pill she could find down her throat."

Light shivered at the thought, "So you told them I died?"

L nodded, "Sayu is the reason why I told you about what you've forgotten. She believes you're still alive any wants to see you."

Light froze, "R-really?"

Light could hear the maniacal laughter in his ears. That's perfect! I knew we shouldn't have killed off Sayu. I knew she'd be of some use to us.

Light's eyes lowered into a steady glare. He scanned the walls for some sort of sign. How could he fight something he couldn't see? I told you to go away! Light's thoughts screamed for him.

We were going to kill her when she got kidnapped. It was a trade. Her for the Death Note. We decided to let her live for our own sake.

SHUT UP!

"Light, are you alright?" L asked with caring solemn eyes.

And now look. She pulled through! She actually did something useful. Light you know you want your memories back, so why don't you just try to see her? Maybe afterwards we can finally be rid of L.

"I told you to shut up!" Light yelled turning and scanning the room. He spotted a pair of scissors of the nightstand. Light ran over grabbing the scissors and shoving them into in some random spot on his chest. He knew it was stupid, but he just wanted this thing dead. He felt blood pouring into his hand. Light pulled out the scissors dropping them as soon as they left his insides.

"Light," L rushed to Light. His side was bleeding profusely. L needed a tourniquet or something to stop the bleeding. L removed his shirt tying it around Light so it would soak up at least some of the blood. L took out his cell phone from his back pocket.

"Ryuzaki?" Watari's voice answered over the phone.

"Watari, L-Light stabbed himself," L's voice cracked. "I-I should've called an ambulance but- but I—"

"I'm on it," Watari said before hanging up.

L could feel tears stinging his eyes. "Why'd you do that? Do you want to die that badly?"

Light stared as L who was leaning over him. He could feel his tears fall and hit his neck. "R-Ryuzaki… I…"

Nice try but I'm not dead idiot. Light winced he failed. Man, but that was a fantastic display of determination. Nice job Light. Maybe an attempt at suicide would've killed me. But I'm not part of you physically.

That's it! Maybe if he could stab himself in the head…

Light reached for the scissors. L kicked them out of the way. "Don't you even think about it!" L buried his face in his hands.

Ryuzaki was… crying. Why? Light wondered why he would be. He looked at his side and saw his blood already coming through L's shirt. He was trying to kill Kira… but Kira was him. So in order for Kira to die he would have to die too, right? Light didn't think it mattered much. Monsters needed to die anyway. But Ryuzaki was sad…

Light couldn't really feel anything. He felt numb aside from the stinging in his side. He could barely tell until a pair of arms picked him up and carried him onto a stretcher. Light felt something put over his face… a gasmask? Light breathed in the stale, cold oxygen. He would've been able to make out the tall hospital, but he was unconscious before he got into the ambulance.

Light opened his eyes. Well, shielded his eyes when he looked up at the bright lights. He was in a white room. When his eyes adjusted he felt cold wires sticking into him. He looked at his right arm being pumped with a strange red liquid. Where was he? Light looked to his left and saw his left arm the exact same way. Light spotted L sitting by the window sleeping. His eyes were swollen. Light could see that from his bed. Light stared to sit up followed by a stabbing pain in his side. He winced sinking back down into bed. I'm at the hospital?

Light tried to remember the past events. He remembered grabbing sharp object on the nightstand and forcing it into his side. He remembered the shock of pain it put him through. Light looked around the room as a man with dark brown hair appeared in the door way. He was wearing a long white lab coat. He smiled as he saw Light, "So you're awake? How do you feel?"

Light wanted to shout, "How do you think I feel? I just stabbed myself!" Light put on his best fake smile, "Fine."

"That's great," He said giving Light a shot filled with some sort of clear liquid into his right arm. "This'll make you a little sleepy."

Light could already feel his mind getting cloudy. "Is that… morphine?"

"Yeah…" He said some other things but Light was already asleep.

Ryuzaki was sitting quietly on their bed reading. Light crawled beside him snuggling against Ryuzaki. "Ryuzaki…"

Light's eyes sparkled curiously as he lifted himself to L's lips. Light allowed L's tongue to roam along his mouth. Light moaned into the kiss as L threw his book on the floor. L pushed Light back onto bed. He felt Light's sides as he slowly started unbuttoning Light's shirt. L felt Light's bare chest. Light moaned as L started licking his clavicle and moved his hands to Light's pants playfully opening the button. Light's moans turned to screams as he felt a sharp pain in his side. He watched Ryuzaki as he drove the knife deeper into to him. Light felt the blood leaving him. L smiled and blinked revealing familiar red eyes.

Kira smiled up at Light. He twisted the knife slowly making Light squirm. He chuckled covering Light's mouth with his.

Light woke up screaming. He looked around the room. I was dark and empty. Light felt his tears mixing with his sweat. He was panting trying to forget everything. Light entered and disappeared as L entered the room. He saw Light sitting in the hospital bed.

"You're finally awake," L smiled sitting on the couch by the window. He noticed Light's startled expression. "What's wrong?"

"Ryuzaki… We were kissing… then there was b-blood… You s-stabbed me and… Kira…" Light gasped trying to finish his sentence. L embraced Light as Light started crying into his chest. "I'm sorry, Ryuzaki..."

L stroked Light's hair. "It's alright, Light. Why'd you stab yourself?"

"I-I think I'm possessed..."

L gave Light an apprehensive look.

"I know it sounds crazy... I keep hearing his voice. H-he keeps talking about such terrible things. He wants you dead and then he started talking about Sayu... I wanted him dead."

"Was it Kira?" L asked.

Light nodded, "It's not that I wanted to be dead, but Kira..."

"I understand," L said looking Light who was shaking.

"...There was blood everywhere."

L sighed, "It was just a nightmare. I won't let anything happen to you otherwise. You should go to sleep..."

"I've been asleep all day, Ryuzaki! A little sleepy, phff, that stupid morphine made me dog tired."

"It's just to get rid of the pain."

"Well it did that!" Light slumped on his pillow. "So how long have you been here?"

"All day. I'm not going to leave you here. I'd be too worried."

Light smiled, "Yeah, sorry again... Hey wait! What about Near, Matt, and Mello?"

"They were here. They didn't come sooner because I kind of told Matt and Mello to leave and Near was... playing."

"He sure plays for a long time seeing that he's pretty much a grown man."

L blushed but Light couldn't tell in the dim light. "I guess I should go tell the doctors you're feeling better." L got up, turned and started towards the door.

"Ryuzaki wait!" Light almost jolted out of bed.

L slowly turned around. "You can call me L you know?"

"Uh... L don't leave please."

L sighed returning to Light's side. He pulled up a chair and sat beside Light's bed. "What is it?"

"Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Don't I every night?"

Light held out his hand requesting L's. L tangled his fingers with Light's as He stroked his hand gently. "L I love you," Light muttered squeezing L's hand.

"You don't hate me? For lying to you, I mean."

"I could never hate Ryuzaki or L for that matter. You've done so much for me."

"I love you too, Light," Ryuzaki smiled. He laid his head on Light's forehead.

Light smiled making an attempt to wrap his arms around him, but failing. He laughed, "Sorry I can't return the sentiment."

L placed a soft kiss on Light's lips. "Light…"

"Ryuzaki, is it possible that we could… um, lay in bed… together?"

L tilted his head to the side. He crawled over Light and lay on his side. He placed his right arm under Light and the other hand was on Light's chest. He somehow maneuvered the tubes over him so he wasn't disturbing Light. Light snuggled up to L.

"Please don't ever do anything like this again Light," L pulled Light closer to his chest.

"I'm sorry…"

L kissed Light again. L licked along Light's lips requesting entrance. Light opened his mouth allowing L to explore the crevices of his mouth. Light gripped L's shirt that was quickly discarded on the floor. Light ran his hands along L smooth, pale chest only making L deepen the kiss. Light now realized two things: his chest was wrapped up and tubes were sticking in his nose. Light pulled away feeling the hard plastic that was blowing stale air into his nose.

L pulled down Light's hand, "Light." It was a warning tone.

"I don't need to be put on oxygen Ryuzaki!"

"It's L and don't do anything this is for your own good."

Light scowled at some random spot in the room. L cradled Light's chin turning his head back to him. He started kissing him again but only for a quick second. "I'm sorry it has to be like this."

Light rested his head on L's chest. "I love you, L."

L kissed Light's head, "I love you, Light."

L heard Light's shallow breaths signifying that Light was asleep. L laid there stroking Light's head. He was asking himself about Kira. If Kira lead Light to this, what else would he do? And what about Sayu? What plans did he have for her?

L could swear he heard laughing which only made him shiver…

Okay... So Light stabbed himself :( He's not dead though :) and then L kisses him :D but it doesn't result in lemons . Oh yeah and Kira's back... O.O

lolz random summary at the end. Poor Matt and Mello had to leave :(

So what happened to them while Light and L were in this situation?

Mello: I'll kick L's fuckin' ass. *(Punches wall)*

Matt: C'mon Mels it's not so bad. He's just frustrated. *(Continues to play Zelda)

Mello: The hell he is! I'm gonna-

*(ALUMINA BY NIGHTMARE STARTS PLAYING RANDOMLY)*

Mello:*(Picks up phone)* Hello?... Oh Watari... Yes we're not doing anything... *(Hangs up)* HAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT FUCKIN' IDIOT!

Matt: ?... What is it?

Mello: That idiot stabbed himself (Continues laughing)

Matt: L?

Mello: No Light...

MxM: HAHAHAHAHAA!