Sheridens story
"So your stuck with me for a while longer kendall. I'm honestly fine if you wanna leave" now James had phoned to clarify he was stuck in reno for the night I was awkwardly stuck with my ex boyfriend.
"No I promised him. He said you still get sick from the... it." Kendall argued.
"Well I'm not being funny kendall but what are we going to do?"
Kendall gave me the look that I once knew as the let's have sex look. He was joking of course. But I hit him and laughed.
"Just hang out shoo" he said in the end.
"How come you still call me shoo?" I asked him as I stretched out on the sofa.
"I'm not sure. Just habit. Would you prefer something else?" He seemed offended.
"No, just Carlos has always called me shoo, James I'm mostly Sheri now and logie I'm princess"
"Well I could just call you sheriden" he smiled.
"No, you only say that when I'm in trouble" I laughed " shoo is fine.
"Sheriden..." he smiled " the heroin... what was it like?"
"That's a dumb question kendall even for you"
"I'm curious thats all, did anyone tell you about me in new york?" Kendall asked matter of factly.
"James said you got high as a fucking kite, he never said what it was"
"It was Coke, done it a few times now ,Danny on the bus has it, that's where the heroin came from. It's not a habit or nothing though"
"Kendall it never starts off as a habit. Learn from my mistakes. And for christsake never tell James or Carlos that heroin came from Danny"
"Yeah I'm off everything but the fags now. You do a good scare tactic. I think it will haunt me forever what happened on that day"
"What did I look like when you found me?" I asked curious.
"Dead! You where so white, naked. Your face and hair was covered in sick..."
"Naked?... oh the towel?" I realised. Great another embarrassment .
"Yeah you must of had a seizure or something. Worst part is, last time I got to put my lips against yours and its to do mouth to mouth covered in puke"
I looked at kendall. He spoke in a jokey way but I could tell I had scarred him for life.
"I'm sorry kendall" I held his hand " thank you for saving my life"
"Shit shoo, let's stop talking bout this "
"Easy for you, I'm still trying to get my body better"
"Is that the shivering thing" kendall asked.
"Yeah, I've been sick a couple of times too"
"Well I got this you can have today, coz that shivering thing freaks me out" kendall took his sweater off and handed it to me.
I smiled and layed it over me as I sat on the L shaped sofa. It smelt of kendall. It was nice.
"It freaked Logan out too, so don't worry about it. Only shivers huh" I said
"Yeah I know, but ... well look at you" kendall waved a hand in my direction.
"What do you mean" I asked offended.
"Shoo I'm surprised James hasn't said anything... you have lost a load of weight. It's scary to see you so..small"
I took more offence. I knew I had lost a few pounds but I had been unwell.
"James has mentioned it. He is making sure I get food in me even when he knows I can't stomach it"
"Sorry I just worry about you shoo... Sorry, I know you get funny bout your weight" kendall gave me a hug, leaning over from his place on the sofa
I smiled "least you care enough to say... your a good friend kendall. I would be lost without you"
"Yeah I know, you cat walk types are hard work. Honestly sheriden our lives would be dull if you weren't in them" kendall smiled, showing off the dimples that I used to adore so much.
"Har Har kendall, glad I keep you all so amused" came my sarcastic reply.
"Hey you know Logan fucked this girl on tour, she was..." I interrupted
"Yeah the girl with the... fetish?" I laughed.
So did kendall.
"Oh my god, I've never heard anything like it. If I wasn't laughing so much I would of jumped on to the James and Carlos bus" he joked.
"Yeah James told me, why does he do it all the time, he must of had more girls than I've had hot dinners"
Kendall eyed my small frame as if to say even his small handfull of girls was more than hot dinners than I had ever had.
"I dunno, he likes it. They chuck themselves at him. What's a logie to do?" Kendall smiled at the memory of Logan and the demonic red head he had a one night stand with on the tour bus.
"Paisley asked me how many girls had I slept with. How many guys have you had?" Kendall had never talked like this with me before. I found it highly amusing.
"Too many kendall. I'm a lot older than you as I'm sure your mom has told you, and have lived a lot of life" kendall laughed.
" just say, cmon i won't tell amazing James"
"Amazing James already knows, and is at the top of my list on the best sex ever" I winked at him.
"That's below the belt shoo" kendall chuckled.
"I'm in the 300's put it that way" I was ashamed to say it out loud but a drinking habit, and cocaine addiction at a young age leads to a load of bad sex for a model.
"Fuck... I'm on 4" he laughed.
"I wish mine was 4, James has had more than me. That boy is too good looking for his own good, and I bet you 100 dollars that Logan has had over a thousand girls" I said.
"Carlos hasn't slept with many girls though has he?" Kendall seeked reassurance.
"No he is on 8 I think" I didn't really know.
"Have you ever... with Carlos?" Kendall asked sheepishly.
"Eurgh kendall no way"
Kendall laughed at me.
"Sorry just checking" he smiled.
"So James said Logan will take over from baby sitting me at nine... I'm honestly okay to be left alone"
"Shoo stop trying to get rid of me. I'm not budging til anyone gets here... why Logan, I thought carlos was your keeper"
I frowned at kendall.
"Carlos has been busy... he may of got himself a new lady friend"
"Really?... why am I always last to find these things out?"
"Well its only me and you that know now"
"Oh i see... you want a drink?" Kendall asked wiggling his empty tea cup at me.
"Yeah okay, I'll come out with you"
I followed kendall out to the kitchen.
"Can't believe you and James are going to live together..."
My stomach turned from getting up too fast from the sofa.
"...yeah I know. But we are so ready..."
"You alright?" Kendall asked me.
"Er yeah fine... just feel a bit sick again... I don't want any tea...now thanks"
Kendall just got the one cup out for him.
"You brits and your tea" he smiled"
I smiled back but then had to run to the bathroom to be sick.
God when is this ever going to end I thought to myself. I could feel the cold setting in again now too.
Kendall knocked on the door after a few minutes.
"Sheriden you okay in there? I've got a glass of water for you" I could hear him call through the door.
I splashed my face with water. Looking at myself in the mirror I looked so rough.
I was such an idiot. How the fuck had I got myself in to such a mess.
Kendall walked in.
"Hey... you all good now?" He said in a sympathetic voice.
"Yeah think so" I walked back in the lounge and put kendalls sweater on.
He smiled and sat down next to me channel surfing untill he settled on watching old friends re runs.
"I'm a total loser aren't I" I shook my head as I spoke.
"You don't think that's all, your like me, the first big idea that strikes you, you go for without thinking about the aftermath"
I nodded, kendall was right about that.
I layed my head on his lap and pulled my legs up to my chest trying to make the sickness ease off.
I must of fallen to sleep, the next thing I knew my cell was ringing and a light tap came at the door.
I got up from kendalls lap to answer it.
"Hey princess, I'm so sorry I'm late"
It was Logan. The time read almost half ten.
I yawned at him
"It's okay I was asleep anyway"
I made my way back over to my spot on the sofa and rested my head back on kendalls lap.
Logan made himself at home and the three of us watched the friends marathon untill about one.
"Right missy Lloyd. It's your bed time" Logan announced.
I laughed at Logan, but I didn't argue hopefully I would feel better by morning.
I took kendalls sweater off and handed it back to him, but he left it on the sofa saying something about save it for tomorrow when he is back to relieve Logan from night duty.
Kendall left giving me a pat on the head. Which I found funny.
Logan being the comedy genious that he is brought round some old fashioned night hats. He made me wear one while he donned the other and took a picture of us both .
He sent it to Twitter with the caption "sleepover at sheridenlloyds"
Logan made himself comfy on the sofa and I got tucked in to bed.
I was so lucky to have these guys as my family.
I woke up the next morning about 8, I called James... I missed him so much. We had spent so much time together recently it felt wrong to not have him about.
He was in good spirits as always. He teased me about my hat that Logan made me wear and said the windscreen will be fixed soon, so he should be back around 4 ish, and could I please sort out a contract for paisley.
That was all fine. Logan tried to entice me round to my own house but I didn't want to go out just yet, especially there.
Besides I had another meeting with my lawyer and kendalls today about kacey which was handy if James wanted a quicky contract whipped up for paisley.
The day seemed to fly by. Logan left as kendall and his legal entourage turned up.
He was taking this kacey thing very seriously. But all was going according to plan.
Kendall drew out paisleys contract.
6 months .then an opportunity to re sign after depending on how well it goes.
Kendall had brought with him the ingrediants to a Thai meal. I watched as he busied his way through James' kitchen preparing everything. Kendall was famous for his Thai.
"So are you a bit nervous about seeing paisley after she said she loves you?" I asked kendall as he mixed things in James' bowls.
"No not really... are you?"
"Huh? Why would I be nervous?" I asked him as I walked out to the lounge to pick kendall sweater up. The chills had begun again.
"Well you tend to slip back in to your British accent when you ask a question you have obviously taken the rare opportunity to think over" he smiled.
I smiled back. I wasn't aware of this fact.
"Okay you caught me, it will be weird seeing you with someone, but you deal with me and James so I'm sure it will be fine... least paisley isn't blonde, it won't bring back those shitty memories"
"I will regret that blonde for the rest of my life sheriden" he gave me a small smile then returned to his food preperations.
"I regret a lot of things I've done kendall so don't worry about it... we are both still here having a good time together. Friends"
Kendall turned and smiled, I got busy putting his sweater on. Then text James that dinner was on kendall this eve and that paisleys contract was ready to sign.
Fox started barking so I knew James had just pulled up. I peaked through the window making sure the car was in tact... it was.
James and paisley walked in. I thanked her for her efforts in my bathroom drama the other day and told her kendall was in the kitchen. She walked through.
James held me by my waist. I kissed him. I had missed him so much. He smelt incredible.
He did his usual of checking I was okay.
"Paisleys contract is on your desk ready to go, it has everything you said tied in to it"
"Brilliant, thanks Sheri. You and kendall friends again?" He asked.
"Yeah its been nice actually. Was weird at first but had a few good chats... cleared the air"
"Good, right let's get paisley all signed up. I think I'm more excited than she is" James grinned and slung his arm round my shoulder.
"What's this?" He smiled pulling up the fabric of kendalls sweater that I still had on.
"Oh its his" I nodded toward the kitchen "I still had the shakes but they aren't as bad now"
"Good" James winked and we walked out to the kitchen.
Wow. Sprang to mind when I saw paisley and kendall kissing.
Kendall looked very in control of everything. Little pangs of jelousy hit my heart.
I could feel my eyes widen. I wanted them to stop. I didn't like seeing it, and I felt so bad that kendall had silently put up with James and I all this time.
James gave a cough and invited paisley to sign the contract.
Kendall just stared at me for several seconds.
I didn't know what to say.
"Hug?" He finally said
I walked up to kendall and fell in to his arms. This was the moment both of us had needed since I got with James. Finally an even balance.
"I'm sorry for everything that went wrong" he said and kissed the top of my head.
"Don't fuck it up with her kendall" I looked him in the eye.
"I won't shoo... no regrets from now on"
"Regrets are shit" I said as kendall rested his forehead on mine.
What went through my head next was odd. But I kissed kendall on the lips. Least our last kiss wasn't me lifeless and covered in sick.
I parted from him but only to be met by his lips again.
My heart ached away for the loss of our love, our life and our baby.
It was more intimate than I would of liked but I knew I could finally move on after this.
Leave the whole kendall, sheriden saga behind.
Kendall pulled away and rested on my forehead again.
"I'm Sorry" kendall said.
"It's okay... I'm sorry too, for James , the baby. Don't hurt her kendall"
"I won't shoo I promise, James loves you more than I ever could shoo. Don't give him any more of your shit okay"
I laughed at him." I promise" I. said and gave kendall another hug.
" you ready to let go" I asked, not meaning the hug but more our past.
"I think I'm almost ready yeah. But I will love you to the ends of the earth sheriden. I will always want to be a daddy to our baby... but I will settle to be an uncle for you and James one day"
He laughed.
"I would like that" I whispered.
"Sheriden I'm happy that you are that beautiful, you have had over 300 guys yet you still fell in love with me" he smiled.
I smiled back at him.
"When it was good it was amazing" I added."paisley is in for some fun times".
I let go of kendall and sat back in my usual seat at the oversized breakfast bar.
I ate a load of kendalls Thai. I think smelling it cook for most of the afternoon had adapted my stomach.
James annoyed me slightly, he offered to take paisley to her hotel robbing kendall of his chance to be alone with her.
As kendall went out the door he gave me a wink. James and paisley left shortly after.
I let out a deep sigh... alone at last.
And I felt so much better.
I felt all the problems I did have had some how vanished.
I showered and dug out some of my sexy lingerie. James must be wanting it so bad. I think this must of been the longest we had spent in the same zip code and not had sex.
But I felt ready now. I wanted to please him.
I layed my lingerie out on the bed and dried my self with the towel.
Once ready I put the brazier on... it didn't fit, it was so big on me.
I couldn't understand it.
I put the underwear on and it looked so baggy and awful.
I rummaged for another set but it was a similar story.
I looked in james' full length mirror at my self naked.
I was shocked. How had I honestly not seen this before.
Kendall was right. I looked terrible. James would be disgusted at my boney body.
I put my dressing robe on and sat on the edge of the bed.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and burst in to tears.
James walked in. Took one look at my face then sat down next to me and held my hand.
"What's up Sheri? You were fine a minute ago"
"Nothing it doesnt matter, I've just realised how stupid I've been"
"You wanna talk about it" he asked.
"No ... oh god I'm disgusting, how can you even look at me"
James chuckled and wrapped an arm around me and gave me a squeeze.
"Sheriden your not disgusting. It was only a kiss..."
"What?" I asked confused.
"I saw you both having your little... moment"
Fear filled my airways with James words.
"What do you mean" I asked.
James gave me a small smile which i interpreted as forgiveness.
"Kendall kissing you" he simply replied.
"Jesus James. That wasn't what you... fuck I have no clue what I was thinking... I'm sorry".
James looked a bit confused. He didnt get the confused look very often because he was so calculated.
"I thought that's what you meant you were a disgusting person for... its only a kiss" James gave me a squeeze again.
"No I meant my body James" I whispered.
"What? Sheriden don't do this!" James was annoyed that I had found yet another problem to battle against.
I started to cry again "I was going to surprise you..." my sobs cut in to my explanation."but I...I look awful James".
James rolled his eyes then clocked my lingerie on the bed.
"Let's see the damage" he smiled and tugged at my robe.
But I wrapped my arms tight around myself.
"I can't" I cried.
"Sheriden, you will be back to normal in no time. You know I wouldn't allow you to stay like this... let me be the judge on wether I can bare to look at your body" his tone was sarcastic, again not something I was used to from James.
He kissed my neck... it was my favorite place... a smile cracked on my face. James attempted again to pull at my robe.
He succeeded with only a small struggle from me.
He pulled the robe from my shoulders and worked his kisses down.
His hands were warm.
James gently lay me down on the bed. He de robed me completly.
If he was shocked at my skinnyness then he hid it well.
"Love you Lloyd" he whispered.
I smiled at him and he stood up from the bed and undressed. He walked out to the bathroom, I took this as my opportunity to cover up, I got a night shirt out from my drawer and quickly pulled it on.
James walked back in the room, he tutted at me then pulled me in to his arms.
"I've missed us so much" he said. His voice was husky.
I wrapped my arms around James neck and kissed him.
I could taste the mint on his breath from him just brushing his teeth in the bathroom.
I had missed me and James so much too.
The Passion, the last few days had been so sensible, so caring. But I missed James' Passion.
Our kisses were hard and fast. I wanted James maslow desperately.
James picked me up, his hands on my thighs and slipped him self inside me.
It felt immense. Our kissing just got more erratic, as did our breathing.
James backed me up against his bedroom wall. I couldn't really call this making love. James was fucking me. Fucking me so hard.
I moaned out in pleasure. I hadn't felt so at ease in so long.
James Definately was well over due a sex session. I had never felt him so hard inside me.
He went so deep it almost hurt but I loved it. Loved every second.
The passion that James oozed in the bedroom was nothing I had experienced before.
I always put it down to him just being naturally good at everything but I thought then it was because we loved each other so much.
I screamed out his name as I came.
James loved it. My appreciation was welcomed by him and his sexy smile.
He climaxed soon after then layed me on our bed, and flopped down beside me to catch his breath.
He laughed "oh my god... I needed that".
I smiled at him as I rolled over in to his arms.
I circled my fingers over his chest, watching his breathing gradually slow.
"So... this kiss with kendall..." James asked
I sighed. I had forgotton about that since we got lost in the moment.
"I don't know what to say apart from sorry... for me it was farewell" I sighed again.
"I know it was farewell Sheri. Kendall made sure he got the most out of it" James chuckled.
I smiled " yes he did... but I owed him that in a way"
"How come?" James asked.
"He said he was upset that the last time he would ever kiss me I was half dead and covered in sick"
James sighed at the memory of the day in my bathroom.
He changed the subject.
"If you feel up to it tomorrow would you like to go shopping?"
"I would actually... what are you after?" I asked.
"It's not for me, paisley needs a new wardrobe. I promised I would treat her"
"You want me to go out for the first time since... shopping with paisley?" I asked astonished.
"Yep... it will do you good" James replied.
"Okay... but I'm taking bobby with me. I'm not up to dealing with paps yet and paisley wouldn't have a clue" my reasoning bargain was bobby. Bobby is just shy of 6ft 6' and built like a house. He has been my on off security measure for many years.
"Bobby it is" James said happily.
"Sheriden... why do you always say you won't marry me" James added out of the blue.
I turned on to my stomach and looked James in the eye.
"I get scared I guess. Why change what works..."
"So if I did ever ask you, would you refuse?" James' eyes searched my own for a clue.
"I guess we won't know untill that day arrives" I smirked at him.
"Sheriden?" James said with a smirk to match my own "will you marry me?"
I laughed and shook my head to say no. Then climbed on him, my legs straddled over his still naked waist.
"Love you maslow" I whispered.
He smiled his American smile at me.