paisleys story

i could not stop yawning. i was absolutly shattered. james had said to amberleigh to go home, i was just waiting for kendall to show up. today was a bit of a wash out. no work really got done after sheriden and kendall had left for the clinic, both james and i just couldnt be bothered to move once we had sat down.

i saw kendalls car pull up,

"he's here james, i will see you monday okay" i called from the window that i had spent the last few minutes staring out of.

"yeah sure pais... enjoy your day off" he winked at me with a brilliant smile as i left the studio. it made me feel slightly uncomfy that everyone knew i was having sex with kendall, but i guess this is what happens when we all hang out together. something i will have to get used to.

i got in the car "hey, all okay" i asked with a kiss.

"yeah... how come your out so early?" kendall replied.

"just tired, james wasnt really feeling it, nor was i... there is always monday so dont moan" i joked.
kendall gave a small smile. but he was no where near as happy as i had left him.

"kendall whats happened now?" i asked as he drove off, he was looking at james get in to his car, i gave him a little wave as we drove passed.

"sheriden got some bad news at the doctors" he announced

"really... what kind of bad news?" i asked concerned, she did look in a lot of pain.

"she has some deficiency in her bones, her back is basically falling apart. the doctor warned of wheel chairs and disability. he said she shouldnt have children... ever"

"jesus... poor sheriden" i said. i remembered her holding little mia at the party yesterday. her and james looked so natural to have kids.

"thats gonna come as a blow for them ay... they could always adopt i guess?" i said on a brighter note.

kendall raised his eyebrows in agreement, he hadnt thought of that idea. it seemed to cheer him up slightly.

we got back to kendalls and enjoyed a very romantic yet naughty bath together, im surprised water didnt flood down through the ceiling, we had eventually used 6 towels in the end trying to soak up the mess we made. but it was worth it.

i got changed in to my pj's and wrapped myself in my dressing robe. perfect hangover cure wear and kendall just strutted around in some shorts. i could get used to him not wearing a shirt. i loved him so much. he was sex on legs.

we had ordered an indian take away. i was starving, i hadnt eaten all day because we got up so late, i snuggled up with kendall on th sofa watching him play a game on his playstation.

the door knocked.

"food time!" kendall declared as he shot off the sofa and headed to the door.

i walked out to the little white kitchen to get our plates ready.

kendall came in the kitchen empty handed but behind him followed a very red eyed james. he looked awful.

"shit... james. are you okay?" i asked

he didnt say anything he just pulled himself up on to the kitchen side and sat down. he handed kendall a letter.

kendall read the letter. after a few moments he shook his head
"no... she doesnt mean any of that... i was with her... FUCK!" he shouted.

"she's gone" james said looking at my bewildered face as kendall lost control.

i took the letter and read it

'james,
where do i start with this huh? well today i found out that my back has let me down once again. but its not only me its going to affect. i cant have your life ruined because of stupid crap ive done in mine.
James never forget how much i love you. this is the reason why i have to do this. there is no future for you in my life. at least not a good one. dont think im just being typical sheriden and jumping off at the deep end. im actually using my brain for once and not thinking of myself.
im thinking of you.
i was told today that i cant have children without major complications, i was also told today that my back is likely to disable me. you dont deserve to have to live with these things.
when i first met you james, you struck me as a person that was going to go so far in the life you had planned out. promise me you will still strive to get where you want to be. if i stay then your life would of made a drastic U turn at such a young age.
i dont want that on my concience. i have got my passport and im finally being a grown up and getting on a plane with no fear. the only fear i had left in life was losing you, but now im letting you go.
im not going to come back james, i love you too much to do that.
make me proud baby.
sheri xxx'

"so where is she? at the airport, lets go and get her" i said

"she isnt there i have called,looked and begged people to help me. she has just disapeared off the face of the earth, carlos hasn't heard, his family hasn't heard. i was hoping you might know something" james looked at kendall, who now was also struggling to keep tears in.

kendall laughed hysterically, almost insanely. it scared me "i handed it to her didnt i?... the fucking passport. it was in that bag. she asked me to get a bag, and i fucking handed it to her...JESUS!"

"kendall its not your fault" james said. his voice had no emotion left. he was just a talking shell of himself. "she was going to go no matter what"

"james what are you going to do?" i asked.

"going home to bed" he simply replied. then he walked out the kitchen and through the front door.

i looked at kendall, and he looked at me back. he just let his tears run while i took him in my arms.

3 months had passed since the day james came to kendalls house, no one had heard from sheriden. i have no idea how she had done it but she truly had disapeard off the face of the earth. from where ever she was she had organised her model management to be taken over by another company. they wouldnt tell james anything of where sheridens contact had come from.

she had also signed over her half of the record label to james. the day that came to light was awful. james was in bits. the comapany had begun all those months ago as MSL RECORDS, shortly after kendall, left it changed to MASLOW/LLOYD RECORDS. now it was just JM RECORDS for james maslow... he finally got his dream but it had come at a terrible price for him to own his own label.

the last thing that i heard that had cut sheridens life from james was the bel air mansion, instead of putting it back up for sale, sheriden, who's money had bought the $9million house had given it to james. she had sent him all manner of legal papers just allowing him to own it. her own home had been emptied and sold within the first few weeks of it being on the market after she had left.

kendall had told me that james wouldnt go near the bel air mansion. instead he had rented it out to some rich Australian family. all the money he made from it he put in to the Sheriden Lloyd Foundation. it was so typically a james thing to do
i dont think james wanted to sell it, i think he secretly hoped that sheriden would come back, but i think we all knew she wasnt.

james had threw him self in to his music. he made me work like a trojan. i had my debut album out just 4 weeks after sheriden had first gone missing. it made top the dance track single i had released was the anthem that ended the summer, it was a massive european hit.
i was even welcomed to support big time rush on a european tour.

the BTR guys had all re signed on the dotted line for another year under contract of columbia records, and had signed up for another series for the show.
after the news had emerged that james was now single again it caused a massive media stir. but where ever sheriden had gone, not one picture appeared of her in the paper. no one knew where she was. if it wasnt for the flurry of activity of houses selling and her business being taken over then we would of all thought she was dead.

a lot had changed since she had gone. jess was ring leader now, even though the only people that could stand being in the same room as her were carlos and logan.

we were currently in czech republic. the guys had a huge fan base now all over the world.
seeing as i was on the same tour i tagged along with the guys. not officially meant to be staying on the tour bus with them, but they guys didnt mind and i loved being with kendall all the time. so what the big boss men didnt know... wouldnt hurt them.

as we travelled, life on the road was fun. we currently headed towards Prague. i woke up squashed in the little top cabin bed next to kendall. the bed was so uncomfortable but i didnt care as long as i was with him.

i had no clue as to how Logan had sex each night in one of these. there was barely enough room to stretch your legs out.

a small shuffle about had taken place at the start of the tour. kendall who had previously shared with logan and dustin was now on one of the buses with james and logan. leaving carlos dustin and shawn on the other bus

it worked out well because if jess ever made a surprise visit she was safely hidden away on a different vehicle and james could carry on mentoring me. he was also just about to sign another group to his label. i barely saw him take a break ever, he occupied his mind as much as he could.

as i layed up in the little bunk bed i kissed kendalls shoulder. i desperatly needed a wee so i climbed down from the bunk and stretched my legs down on to the floor of the bus, i had one of kendall tee shirts on as a nighty.
it was still dark outside but i had no clue as to what the time was. very early i should imagine, maybe 3?

i noticed james wasnt in the bottom bunk, he was sat on one of the large cushioned seats that ran along the side of the bus, he had pen and paper in hand. glasses on and working away at something, i smiled at him as he looked up. he gave a small smile back.

i walked up the opposite end of the bus and used the toilet, i came out and thought i would try my luck at chatting to james. i dont think anyone had chatted about anything but work related things to him in a long while. he would still mess about with nerf guns and shit but you could always tell he wasnt entirely there. his head was always somewhere else. somehwere with sheriden i expect.

"hey... what time is it?" i whispered to james, trying not to wake up kendall and logan.

he checked his phone which was sat by the side of him "just gone 4 pais" he answered with a soft voice.

i nodded. "so what are you working on at 4 in the morning then?" i asked eyeing up the paper he held on a clipboard in his hand.

james smiled at me "a song" he replied.

"do you mind if i see it it?" i asked sitting down next to him.

he shrugged his shoulders and passed me the clip board.

from what i could tell it was just a chorus that had worked its way from pen to paper but it was good.

"is this for your new band?" i asked him.

"no i was hoping you would want it. its a girls song" he answered.

i smiled at him and the bus filled with quietness, only the noise from the engine could be heard.

"james... how are you?... its been so long now" i asked watching as james made some odd faces with his mouth as if thinking of something he could say.

he lifted his glasses up on to the top of his head and rubbed his eyes.

"not great you know pais... do you think she will come back?" he asked his eyes filled with hope that i might shed some optimistic light on to the subject.

"i really dont know honey... im sorry" i patted his leg "she believed she was doing the right thing at the time. did she really want a baby that bad then?" i asked, worried i may of overstepped my mark.

james huffed out a small smile "ya she desperately wanted a baby. ever since the miscarriage. makes so much sense now, all the pain she had been in at the time"

"what about you... do you think she has done the right thing by leaving?" i asked

"she... sheri knew that i wanted kids, we talked about our future all the time. but if this is the choice... sheriden without a family or no sheriden at all... i would of chosen sheriden... just wish she had of given me the choice you know. she took that from me" james voice held some resentment in it.

"i said to kendall when he first told me about it all, that maybe you guys could adopt. maybe sheriden hasnt thought that far ahead yet... you never know?" i offered in a way to offer some hope.

james just shook his head "who in there right mind would let her adopt a baby, she has a history of class A drug use as long as her arm. they would laugh at us... she knew that" he said calmly.

"yeah... course she does" i felt ridiculous now bringing it up.

"12 weeks with out her pais'... its killing me. i dont know what im meant to do?" he whispered.

"well do what she asked. make her proud james... live your life. no matter how much moping about you do its not going to make her come back any quicker... thats if she does come back. you need to just get back to being you james"

james took in a deep breath and sighed it back out. "i dont think she is coming back you know. i just wish i could talk to her one more time. it pisses me off so bad that she didnt give me the choice... it was our life not just hers"

i gave james a hug, "james your 22. dont waste the most incredible times of this amazing life you have. sheriden went so she didnt hold you back. and knowing sheriden i think she really meant that" i could see my words had hurt james but he nodded to agree.

"you know i felt for sure i would of had a letter or a note or... something for my birthday last week from her. all day i waited. had my phone in my hand the whole time... but nothing. i knew then that that was it... she meant it" james said as he looked up to the roof of the bus.

i squeezed james hand not knowing what to say.

"i wonder where she is?" he said leaning his head on my shoulder.

"i have no idea, but knowing sheriden i expect she is causing a stir wherever she has got to" i smiled at my own words and so did james. he even let out a small chuckle imagining what chaos sheriden was causing some one some where in the world.

"come on james... get some sleep, we have a crazy few days coming up" i said standing up.

he nodded and stood up too just as a ladies leg slipped down from logans bed.
logan had brought on board a girl that spoke zero English last night. it was a truly entertaining sight to watch.

james looked at me and smiled "maybe its time i did get back to myself" james said as he trotted him self back to his bottom bunk.

i shook my head with a smile and climbed back in to bed with kendall... that was not what i meant for james to go back to his days shagging girls like logan.

i snuggled up in kendalls tiny bed, wrapping my cold arms around him trying to warm up.
kendall woke up briefly enough to give me a little kiss and pull me in to his body

"love you pais" he mumbled

i smiled at him and drifted off to sleep.

THE END

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