Okay so blergh. I wrote Potter!Lock. Sue me!
John couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was but there was always something there. Every time he looked back in his memories there was always a blur. Like a ghost. Sometimes it resembled a man. Others were just reminded him of a loud bang or a random smile. A lot of it didn't make sense. Sitting in restaurants alone. Running through streets.
There were parts he never did understand. When he walked down the street he would get these terrible looks. From people he never actually knew. They just looked so sad. He couldn't explain it. He didn't understand it. Nobody ever explained what it meant. He just knew what it meant something. It was there. Clawing at the back of his mind. He couldn't even explain it any more.
For some reason he felt empty. Like he was missing something from his life but he didn't know what. There was something though. He didn't know what it was but it was something that made him content. He couldn't explain what made him feel this. He just did. Like some force was controlling him to be happy. To move on from something he didn't even understand.
Whatever it was John he planned to figure it out. One day. That's what he always told himself though. One day.
It was always one day. Just the way he had planned it. He knew what he was doing. It was enough to keep John going. To make him happy. Even if it was just falsified. He knew John was always going going to be searching but he'd start one day. That one day he wanted.
Sherlock remembered the day he had placed the spell upon John. The day he jumped. It had been for the best. It made John forget. Forget that Sherlock ever existed. Wiped every word and every image from his memory. It was the one spell Sherlock never knew he would perform. Especially on John. Not that John ever knew about his magic. It was forbidden for a muggle to know about the wizarding world. There were laws. Ones that Sherlock actually obeyed for a change. It kept John safe. He liked safe.
It's all he was aiming for, right? Safety? John's safety? In a world without Sherlock Holmes John Watson could live his life. He could carry on and he could live whatever life he wanted. Safely. Just the way it was meant to be. No madmad getting in the way. No freak leading John down the dangerous path. No murders or criminals following him around every corner. The way it was suppose to be.
When Sherlock 'died' he knew that he had to erase himself from history. He had to disappear. Maybe not in the minds of everybody but at least in the mind of one. He made to become nothing more than a ghost. A figure that could easily be erased. Like that tiny detail you always try to remember but always forget. He would become that. He'd be a dot. A dot in the memory of John Watson. So he did it. He cast the spell and he left and he ceased to exist.
One day Sherlock planned to return and bring all the memories back. To wipe he spell and live life normally again. No longer hiding. When his business was over. When every villain or every network had been taken day. One day when everybody knew the truth and it was plain as day. He'd return on the day John was safe. He didn't know when that would be. He didn't know the year and he definitely didn't know how long it would take him but he held on in hope. The hope of one day.