December had quickly become Finn's favorite month yet in Manhattan. The weather had been unseasonably cold for that time of year but it also made the whole city feel alive. Everything was decorated for the holidays and it all felt almost magical. Maybe that sounded corny or overly romantic (especially coming from a guy) but he couldn't help it. He looked at everything in a different light these days.
He'd been texting Rachel pretty much nonstop for a few weeks and it was kind of impersonal, but still great. He would have given anything to be able to sit beside her and feel her body pressed up against his. He would read one of her responses to something he'd said and he could almost hear her laugh. He ached for her, just like always, but their recent reconciliation had just fanned an already burning flame.
He had spent the night at a bar in the West Village having drinks with the first actual friend he'd made in New York. His name was Noah Puckerman, although he preferred to be called Puck, and he was a sanitation worker who played at an Open Mike night he liked to frequent. He'd complimented his song choice and gotten to talking about music and they'd started meeting at the bar to talk (and drink) twice a week. Finn enjoyed Puck's carefree way of experiencing life and liked laughing at his stories. He was very blunt and sometimes crass but it was entertaining and it felt good to have a friend again.
When he told Puck about Rachel he'd been surprised that he hadn't ended up with his friend's drink in his face. He had never seen someone laugh so hard before and it was almost unsettling.
"So let me get this straight," Puck had said, putting his Miller Lite down on the table. "You're completely pussy-whipped by a chick you haven't even banged? Seriously, bro? What the hell is wrong with you?"
Finn was used to this kind of response. He'd gotten a similar reaction when he'd told Joe about Rachel. Hell, even Mr. Ko had been rendered speechless when he'd explained his situation. But he didn't care. He and Rachel were right where they needed to be at that point. Sure, she was in Lima and he was in New York but they were talking and that was better than how they'd spent the better part of the last year.
There had been a storm earlier that evening and there was a light dusting of snow covering the sidewalk. His boots left rather large tracks against the white powder as he turned onto Bleeker Street. He was taking the long way home but he liked breathing in the crisp early winter air and enjoyed the holiday spirit that seemed to be all-around him. He walked past a bar he'd been in before called the Back Fence and was surprised to see their door propped open. He glanced in through the open door and saw that the bar was filled with people. He was curious, but it was late and he knew he should head home.
"Encore!" He heard someone in the crowd shout. It was quickly repeated by someone else, then another.
He heard someone speak into the microphone, although it was mumbled, and then heard the gentle sound of a piano that was met with cheers. He smiled, always glad to witness an amateur musician receiving praise for their performance.
He had turned to continue his walk home when he froze. The person in the bar wasn't just playing a song, they were playing his song. He hadn't really received that much of a mainstream following despite his tour with the 'Dolls' so hearing someone playing his song at a bar in the Village was unexpected, to say the least.
He quickly walked up to the entrance and paid the cover charge to the bouncer at the door. He pushed into the room and stood in the back, the crowd slightly swarming towards the stage as the music continued. He chose not to buy a drink and instead turned his attention to the stage. He wasn't prepared for what he saw.
Seated behind the baby grand piano was Rachel.
He was immobilized by the sight of her performing their song. It was completely surreal. It was one thing to think the song was being played by someone who had at least heard his music but to discover it was Rachel, his Rachel was…astounding.
She played the song perfectly, effortlessly and he was captivated by the way she held the entire audience's attention in the palm of her hand. For the first time in a long time he really listened to the lyrics and felt connected to them in a way he hadn't before.
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
He realized right then that he was usually on autopilot when he played that song because he never remembered connecting with it quite like he was at that moment. That one verse was them…it was him and Rachel. The words that she'd written so long ago were right…it was time that he won. It was time that they won.
Finn waited until the song was over and the cheers from the audience had subsided before he approached the stage. She was talking to someone off the side of the stage but then she turned and their eyes immediately connected. All of the sudden it was like everyone else in the bar disappeared. It was just them. Just him and just her.
Rachel tucked a long strand of her straightened hair behind her ear. She excused herself from her conversation and walked towards him. "Hi," she said quietly, her hands clasped in front of her.
"You know, when you texted me earlier and said you were going to spend the night playing the piano this isn't exactly what I'd pictured." He gave her a smile and waited while she hopped off the stage to stand before him.
"I didn't think you'd actually find me. New York is such a big place and there are literally hundreds of bars you could have been hanging out with Puck in. Really, what are the chances you would be here."
Finn smiled. He felt a tug in the invisible tether between them and believed in its existence more than ever. She was right…what were the chances that he would stumble upon her on a random Thursday night in December?
"Well, I was actually just walking past on my way home when I heard a familiar song from the sidewalk. I had to come in and see who was playing such an obscure song. But I think the more important question here is why. Why are you here, Rachel Berry? You sure are a long way from Lima, Ohio. Did you take a wrong turn on your way home from Schuester's tonight?"
He watched as Rachel sucked her lips into her mouth. She waited a minute, almost as if she was mustering up the courage to speak to him. When she finally looked up at him she had tears in her eyes. He immediately began to panic.
"Whoa…whoa…what is it, Rach? Please don't cry."
She shook her head and quickly wiped her eyes. "No it's ok. They're happy tears."
He looked at her, confused.
"I can't do this anymore, Finn," she said gently. "I can't spend my days feeling completely empty anymore. I can't go to bed at night and continue to ignore the hollow feeling in my heart. I won't."
He stared at her. She didn't sound happy.
"I'm not supposed to be in Lima anymore. I woke up yesterday and everything just felt wrong. I felt tired, like everything had become so monotonous and expected, and the only thing I wanted to do was fall back asleep. But then I saw my morning message from you and it was a picture of you waving and smiling and that's when I knew."
Finn gulped. "Knew what?"
"That I had to be in New York." She wiped her eyes again and smiled at him shyly. "Correction, I had to be wherever you were."
He felt that feeling again, the one where he felt like he was flying or being surrounded by singing angels. His heart soared and he wanted to pinch himself to make sure this was all actually happening and it wasn't another one of his ridiculous fantasies.
"So I left Rowena with her dad, took a few days off from Schuester's, and took the first bus out of Lima. I had to be here. I couldn't wait any longer."
Being as cautious as possible (even though she was saying everything he'd always wanted to hear…he didn't want to scare her) he raised his hand to rest against her cheek. He brushed his thumb against her skin and locked his eyes with hers. She had come to New York…she had come to him and for the first time he felt like everything between them was actually real.
"Were you going to tell me you were here or were you just planning on playing our song all over the city until I heard it?" He was teasing her but he couldn't help it. His lame jokes were the only thing stopping him from squealing like a girl.
She giggled and reached for his free hand, linking them together. "I was going to tell you of course. I just needed a few days to work up the courage."
He pushed her hair behind her ear and traced his finger along her jaw line. His hand trailed down her arm until he grasped her other hand with his. "What could you possibly be afraid to tell me?"
It was almost like the feeling of his thumbs against her wrists brought her to life. Before he realized what was happening she had risen up on her tiptoes and pushed her lips firmly against his. Instantly he groaned into her mouth and dropped her hands so he could wrap his arms around her. She pushed herself against his chest and he just gripped her tighter. He wanted to feel her, all of her, as close to his body as he could.
He almost whimpered when she pulled away from him.
Finn continued to slide his hands over her back as he held her in the still-crowded bar. He would've gladly continued to kiss her until he felt he was going to pass out from the lack of oxygen but the Back Fence was hardly the place for a floor show. He'd been waiting ten long months to find out what he felt like to kiss Rachel and now that he had he definitely had no plans of stopping.
Rachel ran her hands up his chest to settle against his shoulders and leaned in to rest her face against his. It was a little awkward, since he was so tall and she was so short, but he would've gladly stayed hunched over forever if it meant he could feel his skin against hers.
"I love you, you know," she whispered against his ear.
He felt like all the wind had been knocked out of him, but in the best possible way. He smiled to himself…somewhere, deep down, he always hoped that she might.
"I love you, too," he whispered back.
He could feel her smile against his face. This was what happiness truly felt like.
She hated every second she was away from him. Rachel had been back in Lima for almost a week at that point but it felt like a lifetime. She had only been able to stay in New York for a few days but every moment of those days had been spent with Finn. Now that she'd admitted her feelings to him she felt…free. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and her entire life had come into focus. She wasn't sure why she'd denied herself this new feeling for so long but now that she'd experienced it she had no intention of letting it go.
They had been laying in Finn's bed with the blankets pulled up around them, his arm draped over her waist as he spooned her from behind. She glanced down at their laced hands and felt a strange, foreign pull in her heart. She didn't want to look at her hand anymore and not see Finn's fingers alongside hers. The true depth of the love she felt for this man had hit her like a ton of bricks.
She pulled their clasped hands against her stomach and rolled onto her back so she could gaze up at him. She couldn't get enough of the way he looked at her. Once she'd finally allowed herself to really see him she saw nothing but adoration in his eyes every time he looked at her. She wanted to count each of the freckles on his face and do nothing but smile back at the lazy smile he directed at her.
"What are you thinking about, pretty girl? I've never seen you look so happy." Finn freed his hand from hers but continued to trace patterns against her blanket-covered stomach.
She smiled up at him. "I don't think I've ever been this happy," she confirmed. "I'm just wondering why I waited so long to find out what your hands felt like against me or how your lips tasted." She pushed his hand tighter against her stomach and sighed at the added pressure. "I can't get enough of you, Finn Hudson."
He leaned over and pressed his lips against her cheek, followed by a few light brushes of his lips against her jaw line. Rachel felt like she was melting and at the rate things were going she would have been happy to spend the rest of her life as a puddle.
"So what happens now?" he asked. "What am I supposed to do when you go back to Lima?" He moved his hand down to her hip and shifted her so their bodies were facing one another. "I don't know if I can go back to being without you…you know…again."
She frowned slightly and reached to rest her hand against his heart. "You know I'll never really go away…even if I'm not physically here." She tapped her fingers against his skin. "I have a lot of things I need to figure out in Lima but I'd like to think I'll end up back here eventually. That is, if you'll have me."
Finn attacked her face with kisses. She giggled as his hands slid against her sides but she immediately stopped laughing when he buried his face against her neck and kissed the spot that he'd quickly discovered made her completely fall apart. She felt his breath against her skin as he removed his lips from her neck and nuzzled the spot with his nose.
"You better come back," he mumbled. "And you better believe I'll be here whenever you come home."
She hadn't expected being back in Lima to be so immobilizing. She still woke up to his good morning text every day and sometimes they were accompanied by a photograph, sometimes not, but she always got the sense that he wished she was there with him. She didn't have to tell him that she wished she was with him too. She called him in the afternoon on her way to pick up Rowena and relished at the way he ended every phone call with see you soon, baby. His goodnight text was the last thing she read before she closed her eyes. Her daily routine had been the only thing she could rely on to keep her from going insane without him.
When she'd arrived home that Friday afternoon she had checked the mailbox on her way into the apartment. She sifted through the bills and other assorted mail before she came across a thin manila envelope with her lawyer's return address on it. She flipped it over eagerly and pulled its contents into her hands. Her eyes danced over the document quickly. It was official…she was divorced.
It had been the most amicable thing in the world. They'd divided what little assets they had evenly and easily agreed on a custody arrangement in regards to Rowena. Rachel had been as honest as possible when she'd told her (now ex) husband that she had every intention of moving to New York as quickly as she could make the arrangements. He'd accepted the fact, not at all surprised that she planned on moving, and said that as long as she sent Rowena to visit with him for select holidays (and for two weeks over the summer) that they would work everything else out.
It had seemed almost like a dream when she'd sat across from him at the lawyers office and began the proceedings, but now that she held the official, notarized paperwork in her hands everything felt very real. Everything was done. There wasn't anything left to do, no more excuses to hide behind…with that paperwork her (now ex) husband had given Rachel her freedom and her future. All she had to do was get everything in order in Lima and then she could be on her way to fully experience the life she so desperately wanted.
She looked up at the staircase that stretched up into her apartment building and suddenly felt very small. It was time for her to explain everything to her dad's.
They weren't completely blind to everything that had been going on; Rachel just believed they chose to ignore most of what they saw or heard. It wasn't that they didn't realize that things between their daughter and her (now ex) husband had completely fallen apart beyond repair, it was what that disbandment meant. She was leaving, even though it hadn't been discussed in detail, and change was something none of the Berry's had ever been very fond of.
Rachel climbed the stairs to the apartment slowly and tried to focus on what was waiting for her in New York, not what she would be leaving behind. She was glad her (now ex) husband had been able to keep Rowena for the evening. Dealing with her father's was going to be emotional enough, reminding them point blank that they would also be losing daily contact with their seven-year-old granddaughter would surely throw them over the edge.
She used her key and let herself into the apartment. She quickly yelled out for her dad's that she was home but when she turned around and faced the living room she was startled to see they were already sitting next to each other on the couch, waiting for her.
"Hello," she said slowly.
"Why don't you put your things down, Snowflake, and we'll have a talk," her papa, Hiram, suggested.
Rachel did as instructed but kept a tight hold on the finalized divorce papers she'd just received. She sat down on the recliner that faced the couch, tucked the papers under her thigh, and folded her hands in her lap.
"Something's changed," her papa suggested. "Ever since you came back from your spontaneous weekend adventure it's like you've been here physically, but somewhere else entirely, mentally."
She nodded, confirming their suspicion. "Lima's not my home anymore, well not really at least." Her heart burned at the memory of Finn's arms tightly around her body and the quiet thumping of her heart against his. Her home was no longer a place…it was a person, a feeling. It was Finn.
"So what now? You're just going to up and leave everything you know, uproot your child, and move hundreds of miles away like it's the simplest decision in the world?"
It is the simplest decision in the world, she thought.
"You can't relocate your entire life for a man, darling. It shouldn't work that way. You have to think about what's best for you, what's best for Rowena. If this man cares about you the way you think he does then he should understand that and respect it."
Rachel sighed. They were never going to get it. "I'm not moving for Finn," she said sternly. "Don't you remember that I put my life on hold a long time ago for my husband, our child, and that life? I have a lot of unfinished dreams of my own that are waiting for me in that city. Of course my life and my outlook on things are different than they were when I was a wide-eyed seventeen year old, but the dream…that's still there."
She looked at her fathers' and tried to read their expressions. They were both rather stoic and it made her uncomfortable. She had no doubt that her flare for the dramatic had been instilled by her parents and she waited for one, or both of them, to completely surrender to an emotional breakdown. A single tear slid down Hiram's cheek and LeRoy looked at her rather intensely, but that was it.
"We're really going to miss you, Cupcake," her daddy breathed, a little emotion evident through his steely façade. "It was hard enough saying goodbye the first time but having to say goodbye now, to both of you, is going to prove rather difficult. When will you leave?"
She shrugged her shoulders and reached for the papers that had been stuffed underneath her legs. "The finalized divorce papers came in the mail today along with the approved custody agreement. I want Rowena to finish up this semester at her school but I guess we'll move before or around the New Year. I have to officially put in my resignation with Will but it's not going to come as a surprise to him. I think he's still surprised that I didn't leave a year ago."
They continued to discuss her plans back and forth but half of the words that were spoken fell on deaf ears. She was so focused on Finn, so focused on going home, that everything else seemed to fade into the background.
His days were beginning to bleed together. His routine consisted of: wake up, studio, lunch, studio, dinner, studio, bed. The demanding schedule he was being forced to follow was draining, but necessary. Joe had every intention of having the full-length CD finished in time for a spring or early summer release. The intention to get the CD out so quickly meant shifting his entire focus. He wrote, recorded, re-recorded, and played until his brain felt like it was being turned to mush.
In some ways he was glad for the distraction. Being so preoccupied meant he couldn't spend countless hours missing Rachel. The weekend she'd spent with him had just confirmed what he'd always known…they were meant to be together. Being away from her now, after so much had changed, was becoming increasingly difficult. Although they'd spoken about her coming back to New York on numerous occasions nothing had ever been set in stone and being seven hundred plus miles from her was jarring. They were in-love, the tough part was supposed to be over, but he still found himself fighting an internal battle every day.
It was a Saturday in late December. Christmas and Hanukkah had come and gone and Finn had enjoyed picking out and sending presents for both Rachel and Rowena, along with something small for her dad's. He wasn't sure exactly how much detail Rachel had shared with them but he wanted to keep them on his good side and had no intention of neglecting them over the holidays. He wished he could've been there to watch their expressions while they opened their gifts. He'd spent a lot of time ensuring that he'd purchased the perfect gifts and, although his sentiments had been confirmed by Rachel over the phone, he would have preferred to have actually been there.
Recording that morning had gone well, so well that Joe had given him the rest of the day off. He was thrilled. He couldn't remember the last time he had the majority of a Saturday to himself. He planned on getting entirely too much takeout from Mr. Ko's and then lounging on his couch, napping and watching college football bowl games. It was seriously shaping up to be the best day ever.
He lugged his guitar down Canal Street, greeting his neighbors and other people he saw frequently out-and-about. Chinatown wasn't the most glamorous neighborhood in the city, far from it actually, but it had character and was as unpretentious as they come. Those things were far more important to him than a fancy address and a building filled with an entire list of amenities he would never be around to use. When Rachel comes, he'd told himself. He would upgrade his residence once she was permanently in the city, but until then he was doing just fine with his miniscule studio.
Finn had just turned onto his street when he heard yelling. He hurried down the sidewalk as quickly as he could, hoping that nothing was wrong with Mr. Ko or anyone else in his building. He hoped it wasn't anything serious like a break-in or a robbery. As he neared the building he noticed that the yelling was between a man and a women…probably a domestic dispute or similar. He was preparing to call the police and alert them to the situation when something in the woman's s tone rendered familiar. She yelled at the man in Mandarin (he didn't understand any of it, but he'd been around it enough to recognize the language) but he knew that voice.
Rachel.
He dropped his guitar on the sidewalk and froze a few feet away from the scene, watching the interactions. She was wearing a bright yellow pea coat with patterned tights and flat brown boots, a white beret perched atop her head. She had arms flung out to emphasize whatever she was yelling and Mr. Ko, well he yelled right back. The whole spectacle might have been entertaining if it weren't for the screaming.
Finn was just about to interrupt their very pubic disagreement when a new arrival on the scene, once again, froze him in his tracks. Skipping out of the restaurant, like nothing unusual was happening at all, was Rowena. Her puffy, purple coat contrasted with her ever-present dark braids and a striped scarf was knotted around her neck. She immediately tried to get Rachel's attention but she was subsequently ignored so her mother could continue her argument (still in Mandarin).
They were here. Rachel and Rowena. They were in Manhattan. They were at his apartment. It was like all the scattered pieces of a puzzle had finally come together.
In a few quick bounds he was down the sidewalk and had stepped in-between Rachel and Mr. Ko. He cast a long look at Rachel, still surprised to see her, and then looked at Mr. Ko, whose eyes were shifting back and forth with worry.
"What's going on here?" He asked. In English.
Rachel nervously tucked her hair behind her ears and shot an angry glance at Finn's landlord. "I was informing Mr. Ko that we would be parking the moving van out front for a short time while we unloaded our belongings and he just exploded. I then proceeded to enlighten him to that fact that his reaction was no way to treat a lady, especially one accompanied by a young, impressionable child."
"There's no room!" Mr. Ko replied, throwing his arms up in frustration. "I see that apartment and I know it. No space for these things! One person only!"
Finn understood where Mr. Ko was coming from. There really wasn't any room for Rachel and Rowena's truckload of belongings in his apartment. He had a bed, a crappy couch, and a table with two chairs…there wasn't any more space for their possessions, which judging by the size of van, were extensive.
"Rach," he said as gently as possible. "You've been up in my apartment before. You saw how cramped it as already. You know Mr. Ko is right. There's no way we can fit anything else in there."
At his calm explanation Rachel's demeanor softened. Her lips jutted out in a pout and she batted her eyes at Mr. Ko, already obviously in search of his forgiveness. She reached for Finn's hand and laced their fingers together. He had to keep from groaning out loud at the sheer pleasure of touching her again.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Ko," she said sweetly. In English. "I was just so thrilled by the fact that we were actually here, finally, that I let my enthusiasm blur reality. I apologize for being so rude, especially since you've been nothing but kind to Finn."
His landlord noticeably relaxed. Finn was grateful that he'd explained Rachel in detail over Dim Sum to Mr. Ko one night. He hoped the older man somehow knew how happy he was to have Rachel there and that her overly animated argument was just her channeling her excitement in a uniquely Berry way.
"It's ok," he responded, somewhat less gruff. "But there still no room!"
Rachel bobbed her head but the sight of the moving truck on the sidewalk had given Finn an idea. He looked in the direction of the vehicle; the back had been opened and the driver sat on the edge of the bed. Rowena was now inside the truck and she skipped around the boxes and furniture. He reached into his back pocket with his free hand and pulled out his wallet. Dropping Rachel's hand he pulled out a few bills and looked at the driver.
"Sir, I do appreciate you bringing Ms. Berry's stuff all the way here, but do you think there's any way you could take the truck to your parent office? Just for the night?" He extended the money towards him and he accepted. "I'm sure Rachel has your card. We'll call you in the morning and tell you where to take the truck."
The driver agreed and Rowena hopped out of the truck. Finn wrapped one arm around Rachel and put the other on Rowena's shoulder, pulling her back from the street. They watched as he drove off, leaving them alone on the sidewalk.
Rachel looked up at him, flabbergasted. "Finn! What are you doing?"
He lifted Rowena to his hip and looked back and forth between both his girls. "I'm only on a month-to-month lease here and I think we'll be needing a bigger place. I'm pretty sure Rowena's going to want her own room." He kissed the little girl's cheek first and then Rachel's. "Besides, I already know a place or two we can go see on short notice."
Rachel jabbed him in the side. "Have you been planning for this, Finn Hudson?"
He shrugged. "Not really, but I always figured that I would have to move once you both got here. I don't think the three of us would survive very long in my studio…I mean, the bathtub's in the kitchen."
She beamed at him and his heart felt full. So suddenly he had the whole world right there in his arms and he wouldn't have it any other way. Rachel always had the knack of completely catching him off guard. She always kept him on his toes and he was pretty sure he'd never tire of her surprises.
"So what do you say, Mr. Ko? Is ok if they stay the night and I end my lease at the end of the month?" Finn kept his arm firmly around Rachel.
"Of course," his landlord agreed. "I will miss you though, Finn. Good tenant. You come here to eat anytime you want."
Finn didn't even have to agree to his invitation…his compliance was pretty much a given.
After Mr. Ko had retreated into the restaurant he glanced between Rachel and Rowena. "I can't believe you're both actually here. I feel like I'm dreaming."
Rowena leaned her head against his. "It's not a dream, Finn. We're really here and we're not going home! Mommy says this isn't a vacation. We get to stay! I'm going to go to school here and take piano lessons and learn how to ride a bike in Central Park! Can you take me to Coney Island so we can ride the Ferris Wheel? What about…"
The child's extensive list of her Manhattan must-do's faded into the background as he focused in on Rowena's weight in his arm and the feel of Rachel's shoulder beneath his hand. His dream…his biggest dream…had become a reality.
- Later -
She was curled against his side, her leg snaked between his legs and her hand touching his heart. His arm was wrapped around her, playing with strands of the long, dark hair that fell against her back. They laid on the floor in front of the tiny fireplace, an attempt to ward off the early January draft, and were snuggled together under a quilt. He'd insisted that Rowena and Rachel take his bed but after the little girl had fallen asleep her mother had been quick to join him on the floor. They didn't really talk, afraid even their quiet conversation would awaken Rowena. Instead they just laid there, staring at each other like love-sick teenagers.
Finn didn't care though, not really at least. As pieces of Rachel's shiny hair slid through his fingers like silk he felt so much happiness and contentment that it was almost overwhelming. They were both there, in his apartment, and they weren't going anywhere. Earlier in the evening, over pizza at a neighborhood spot, Rachel had told him all about her plans. She considered contacting some people she'd known from school to see if anyone knew of any jobs she might be qualified for.
"You can't just go find a job," he'd insisted.
She'd glanced up at him while taking a big bite of her salad. "Well I know the economy is difficult right now and everything but I have to at least try. I know you received some decent money when you signed your contract with the record label but we didn't come to Manhattan so you could provide for us."
He shrugged. "I don't see anything wrong with wanting to make sure my girl's have a decent roof of their heads and food in their bellies. You're free to do whatever you want, but please don't feel the need to rush into anything. Take some time to get Rowena settled in at school and familiarize yourself with everything. Everything will work out. I promise."
She reached for his hand across the table and squeezed. "I really appreciate how understanding you've been about everything, Finn, but I wouldn't feel right to just accept your charity."
"Baby it's not charity," he said gently. He knew that Rachel was the kind of person who was insistent on taking care of themselves but it wasn't like that at all. He wanted to take care of them. "I love you. I love both of you. We have to do this the right way. There's no reason for you to find some pointless job you'll hate just so you can pitch in on the rent. I'm here because of you. If you hadn't believed in me I'd still be in Lima, working at Burt's garage and wondering what might have happened if I hadn't given up on music. There is plenty of money to pay the rent and keep us happy. Why don't you try to remember that dream you began all those years ago…see if it's still there. You've helped to make all my dreams come true so now it's my turn to help you."
She hadn't said anything else in regards to her future plans but she also hadn't argued when he'd suggested that they get up early the next morning and find an apartment. As they laid there Finn allowed his memory to run wild for a minute as he saw himself strolling through the park with Rachel, one hand firmly on her waist while the other pushed a stroller. Rowena rode her bike a head of them, occasionally backtracking to circle them before riding off again. It was a nice picture, one he'd always wanted, and one he finally felt was in his grasp.
"What are you thinking about?" Rachel whispered, her lips barely brushing his cheek as she spoke.
"You. Rowena. How happy I am that you're both here. I don't know what I did to deserve all of this but I think I could get used to having you around." He pulled her tighter against him and sighed when she tucked her head tightly under his chin.
"Forever?" She asked, dancing her fingers up his chest to trace along his jaw line.
He kissed her forehead. "Forever."
- 7 months later -
It wasn't anything like he'd imagined. It was better.
He'd been worried at first that it would take him some time to transition into the role of live-in boyfriend and pseudo step-father, but in reality it had been the simplest thing in the world.
They'd had an easy time finding an apartment. He'd made a quick phone call to Puck who, because of his job, had an extensive knowledge of the neighborhood they were interested in. He tended to see signs of tenants moving out or vacant apartments before anyone else even knew they'd existed. That had given Finn a few leads on perspective availabilities and by the end of the day they'd signed a lease on fourth floor walk-up on West 10th Street (closer to the Hudson than the university). They'd chosen Greenwich Village because it was close enough that he could walk to Joe's studio whenever he was needed and also walk Rowena to her school, which was located in Chelsea. It was also a short subway ride away from NYADA, which had turned out to a positive for Rachel.
They'd experienced a brief spell of growing pains. He'd gotten into a spirited argument with Rachel over what color they should paid the powder room. After finally agreeing on grey, she'd gotten frustrated with him when he had expressed no preference between silverplate and dovetail. But that disagreement, just like all the others, was quickly rectified. They usually spent more time making up than they ever did fighting.
And one afternoon Rachel had been out so he'd been responsible to take Rowena to her tap class. When it was time for them to leave she had barricaded herself in her room, locked the door, and refused to speak to him. After a good deal of reasoning (and a bribe or two) he'd gotten her to let him into the room. Through her tears and a dramatic dive onto her bed she'd explained: Tap is simply not my forte, Finn! A quick discussion with Rachel had lead to Rowena being enrolled in a lyrical class instead, which suited the overly dramatic child just fine.
So there had been some hiccups but for the most part he was happier than he'd ever known he could be. He didn't know how he would ever tire of rolling over in the morning and being greeted by Rachel's smiling face on the pillow next to his. He liked walking into the bathroom and seeing all three of their toothbrushes in the holder that sat on the edge of the sink. He loved, at bedtime, when Rowena would beg him to sing her a song before she fell asleep. It felt like a family. It felt right.
He'd enjoyed his shift in lifestyle so much that he'd decided to take the fall off. His full-length album had been completed back in the spring and then released in the late summer. He had received some decent airplay on a few indie stations and Joe had tried to talk him into going back on tour immediately but he'd decided to take a break from the music and just focus on life for awhile. He'd agreed to play a few random shows in and around New York and an occasional weekend show if the demand was there but, for the most, part he'd transitioned into the role of Mr. Mom.
While he had been at home doing the laundry and shuttling Rowena between school and her various activities, Rachel had begun to dream again. One afternoon while he'd been slicing up oranges to take to Rowena's soccer game (it was their turn to bring the halftime snack) she had kissed him on the cheek and asked if he'd be willing to take her by himself that day. He had agreed and she'd informed him she was meeting with one of her old NYADA friends for coffee. This person was currently in the ensemble of some Broadway show he had never heard of before and Rachel seemed eager to reconnect with them and learn more about the business from someone who was actually involved in the business. When she'd come home later that night she'd practically been floating. Her friend had convinced her to re-enroll in NYADA and begin dreaming where she left off. Finn had been thrilled by her decision and had supported her wholeheartedly. Rachel was always busy trying to make everyone else happy and it was nice to see her trying to make herself happy for once.
He and Rowena sat side-by-side in the tenth row of NYADA's recital hall. It was the fall vocal showcase and they were there to support Rachel. Rowena sat and rolled her program in her hands, anxiously anticipating the start of the performances. He had a bouquet of perfect red roses laid across his lap and he laid his hand against Rowena's knee in an attempt to calm her anxiety. Truth was, he was just as excited and nervous as the small girl was. He'd heard Rachel sing countless times while in the shower or flouncing around the apartment or even when they'd recorded their demo, but this was the first time he would really be seeing her perform. He was certain she would be flawless.
Rachel was the oldest undergraduate student at NYADA, a fact that didn't concern her at all. She put 150% into her work every day. She studied at night until he could finally force her to bed and practiced so often that she'd taken a vow of silence whenever she wasn't doing something school related. She used her life experiences to further her already outstanding skills and had completely transformed herself. She was the talk of NYADA and no one was more proud of her than he was.
They sat patiently through almost an hour of performances before Rachel's name was finally announced. She was the final recitalist of the night and the crowd erupted when she walked onto the stage. Apparently she already had quite the reputation with her peers. Finn sat in silence, just like the rest of the audience did, while she sang. He was completely blown away by the passion and talent that radiated from her as she projected her voice throughout the theater. Watching her sing, watching her take yet another step to realize her dream, made him love her just a little bit more.
He glanced down at Rowena and he was sure the look on his face mirrored Rachel's daughter's. She was awestruck. He eyes were wide and her lips were formed in a perfect 'o' of fascination. He got it. Watching Rachel perform, in her element, was like watching a meteor shower or a spaceship blasting off; he was completely captivated.
"Wow," he breathed.
When Rachel finished her song she threw her arms dramatically into the air and flashed the audience her trademark smile. Without a second thought Finn set the flowers on the floor and was on his feet whooping and hollering louder than anyone else in the auditorium. Pretty soon other people in the crowd started to follow suit until every single person was on their feet…a unanimous standing ovation.
Rowena tugged on his sweater and he crouched down to give her attention. "Finn!" She hissed, "yelling is not proper theater etiquette!"
He laughed and picked her up so she could stand on the folding seat. "Yeah, well there was nothing proper about the performance your mom just gave. Come on, RC…give her some love!"
Rowena looked at him cautiously for a long moment but then her face broke into a wide smile. She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled as loud as she could. "Way to go, Mommy! You're the best, Mommy!"
Something in her daughter's tone caught Rachel's attention and her eyes immediately landed on them. They both waved furiously as she lifted her hand to her mouth to blow them a kiss. At the same time both Finn and Rowena reached out and caught her sentiments. Rachel retracted her hand and placed in against her heart. She nodded at them and mouthed a quick, but noticeable 'I love you'.
The little girl who clutched onto his arm and the breathtaking woman who stood on the stage were his whole universe. There was no way to explain how complete he felt with them in his life. He locked his eyes on Rachel and gave her a wink. His whole life had changed so drastically in the past year and all because she'd taken a chance on him…once.
a/n: Thank you, everyone, for all of your support throughout 'Once' and 'Here the Sirens Call Me Home'. I'll be back soon with something new J Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts!