Darkness Is (Not) Light

by BardInTheForest

(Pax Ikari vol IV) Another Shinji, another story, but in a universe where free will and predestination are at open war with one another even gods can find themselves stuck in endless cycles.

1. Chapter 1

It wasn't that Shinji was feeling particularly manly, as an overabundance of testosterone was never going to be a failing he'd ever rightly be accused of, but it was seriously rubbing him the wrong way how Asuka kept sniping at him about how it was his fault that his synchronization score had after months together exceeded hers. Misato had finally given him something nice to feel, something he could take pride in having accomplished, and no sooner did it happen then Asuka was there to just tear it all apart. Why couldn't she understand? He wasn't some empty sea, some emotionless puppet for her to beat on. He was human, he didn't like being made to feel-

"Still nothing from the MAGI, Major," Maya Ibuki's report brought Shinji back to the present from the spiral of despair and anger.

The Twelfth Angel, or so he presumed, was just floating there. A big sphere, looking like a weirdly striped bowling ball, not moving or threatening. At least no more threatening than a globe of oddness suddenly appearing in a major metropolitan area would normally be. Enigmatically, it occupied space without interfering with the orderly progression of light from one place to another, having appeared out of nowhere to shatter an otherwise unremarkable day.

Shinji whispered, naturally fearing that making noise would break the odd stasis they had reached with the latest threat to their city and sanity, "Rei, Asuka, are you in position yet?"

"Of course not, idiot! You know it takes time for us to move," Asuka's reply was much louder than necessary, all things considered. A different camera showed that she was trying to untangle her umbilical from around a building, doing more damage to the city herself than the Angel had. "Stupid power cords!"

"Negative, Pilot Ikari. I am still two minutes from position." Rei's unflappable demeanor played strange counterpoint to Asuka's brusque bluster, moving Unit-00 silently and efficiently to where she could bring the mobile positron rifle to bear.

"If you're so damned impatient, Third, why don't you just take care of this like you always do!" Asuka stared directly into the inter-Eva camera with cold contempt. "The Invincible Shinji Ikari shouldn't need to wait for us lesser mortals."

"Enough!" Misato's firm voice cut through the bickering before it started, "Shinji, hold fast. Asuka, Rei, less talking more walking."

"Affirmative, Major," Rei again calmly stated.

"Yeah, whatever," Asuka responded snidely.

Shinji briefly considered asserting himself, for once, maybe even rubbing Asuka's face in the fact that he had the highest score now. The thought that, in another life, he might have been callous enough to stoop to that level brought him back to his normal self quickly. They'd never forgive me, he thought, Misato would be disgusted with me. She has enough going on with Asuka and Kaji-san, I'll just keep my mouth shut. She doesn't need me causing trouble. He did, however, respond in the affirmative to the order. "Understood, Misato-san. Unit-01 standing-"

Leliel, as the Twelfth Angel was truly named, had a sense of comedic timing. The orb floating above Tokyo-3 disappeared as its true body swamped the nearly seven hundred meters around Shinji, drawing everything it touched into itself. Unit-01, and by extension it's pilot, began to sink into the inky nothingness. Shinji did the only reasonable thing: he panicked and fired his sidearm rapidly into the void with no effect.

"Gah! I'm…I'm sinking! I can't get out! Misato! Misato help me! Ayanami, Asuka, somebody!" It was not a rapid descent, but he had no purchase to find anywhere near him as he desperately tried to grab hold of anything to stop from falling.

Asuka and Rei were not faring much better. Asuka had to imbed her axe into the side of a nearby tower and quickly clamber up the side of the building to begin to find safety. Rei bounced off of the side of a nearby smaller building, and started to 'hopscotch' across the tops of other structures to make a desperate grab at Shinji's flailing hands. Only barely securing a hold on him, she strained every ounce of her will to the breaking point. He had, once, risked everything to ensure she lived. She could do no less now.

Misato, and the rest of the bridge crew, stood gaping in terror at the sudden swiftness of the now-verified Angel's attack. Misato hadn't recovered quickly enough to issue any commands before the pilots began their actions, and with the rapidly deteriorating situation she decided that two functioning Evas were going to be needed to defeat the Angel if she was going to have any chance at rescuing the by now clearly compromised Unit-01. More importantly, they would be needed to rescue Shinji. "Asuka, Rei, pull back," she forced the order out, her tone emotionless.

"Bu…." Asuka was stunned, Misato was going to let Shinji just die. She was going to let her perfect little favorite….

Rei's voice held more emotion than any of the bridge crew had previously heard from the normally stoic young lady, "Wait! Unit-01 and Ikari can be saved!"

"This is an order. Pull back." Misato found she couldn't summon the energy to be as firm as she wanted to. "Reposition outside the contamination zone. At least five hundred meters."

Asuka jumped clear of the void, and turned to see how far along Rei was with her withdrawal. Unit-00, however, remained crouched over the edge of a listing building at an odd angle still pulling with all of her force on Unit-01's outstretched hand. Rei, through clenched teeth, demanded he put his back into it, "Ikari, pull. Help me lift you!"

"Lieutenant Ibuki, retract their cables." Misato ordered.

"Aye, ma'am. Cable retracting at full speed." Maya swiftly plugged in the appropriate commands, placing chain of command over her personal whims.

Shinji, in a moment of clarity, understood what Misato was trying to do. He knew that even though he was damned, he would not let anyone else be sacrificed with him. "Ayanami, don't! Let go!" Unclenching his grip, he spread his fingers to show her that he wanted her to save herself.

Rei's vermillion eyes twinkled brightly as she stared intently at Shinji through the camera. "I can," she grunted with the exertion, "get you out!"

Just as it appeared that she was beginning to make progress in halting Shinji's descent, the side of the building betrayed her footing by snapping in half and Unit-00 quickly fell in to the void submerging on top of Unit-01. The added mass and momentum of the blue and white giant caused them both to be subsumed in Leliel's morass in heartbeats, the void claiming more than it had intended.

Asuka felt the tugging of her power cable, and began to walk backwards. She never moved her eyes from the horrible place that had just swallowed her teammates, and she never stopped thinking that she couldn't believe Wondergirl had it in her to sacrifice herself where Asuka simply ran away. That Shinji let her do it. "Stupid idiots!" She shouted, "He told her not to let go of him, and she just dies for him?!"

"Asuka," Maya interjected, "You heard the punctuation in the wrong place. "It was two sentences, he told her to do her duty."

The only sounds from the comm-link was the sputtering of the lone remaining pilot, which was soon muted by Major Katsuragi. "Recover Unit-02, repair any damage, and have Eva and Pilot ready to sortie again as soon as possible. We don't know what the enemy is going to do now, and we need to be ready. Ritsuko, I need options. What are we dealing with?"

"A Dirac Sea." The faux-blonde replied cryptically, "I can't even begin to explain to you how it physically shouldn't exist."

"Try. Rits, I need you to give me something, anything. We are down to a third of our defensive force and that thing just swallowed…. How soon can you have a briefing ready? How long do they have, if they're…not already dead." Misato tried to calm herself before she did or said something stupid.

"At current battery strength, if Unit-01 and Unit-00 go into hibernation, they have sixteen or so hours. I'll do what I can, Misato, but I'm going to have to," the doctor paused for breath, "I'm going to my lab, I'll do what I can. I need you, Maya." Ritsuko turned on her heel and stormed off the bridge.

"Lieutenant Ibuki, you heard her. Everyone else, do what you can to facilitate repairs without her. I'm going down to debrief Pilot Soryu." Misato dreaded what she had to do, Asuka could be unpredictable at the best of times. The firecracker was now exactly what she always wanted to be. The best pilot on the planet…but only because she was the only pilot on the planet.

***** 12th Angel + 0. Thursday, Day 0.

Surrounding him, with the sole exception of Rei and Unit-00, Shinji could see nothing on the external cameras but a strange reddish-black color. A hazy miasma that wasn't perfectly dark, but didn't have enough light to determine the depth or distance they were floating in. Shinji was quaking, in both fear and failure, trying to think of what to say to the other pilot. To the poor young bluenette that he had condemned to death and worse by allowing terror to take control of him and his actions. "Ayanami, I-" He stopped and started his sentence several times, through the video link, he could see her calmly looking around at the void around them. "I never meant to."

"I know." Rei's calm voice stopped him as fast as any shout would have. "I made a choice, you had nothing to do with our current situation. You need to calm yourself, this is a survival situation. The faster you breathe, the faster your oxygen supply will dwindle. The LCL is dense, but it is not infinite."

That had to be the longest statement he had ever heard from the normally reserved and quiet young lady. Just hearing her, though, brought him the calm he needed to move through the steps to bring his Eva into a hibernation mode. "Do we have to shut down the video link?" He sounded pathetic in his own ears, he couldn't imagine how Rei must have thought he sounded.

"It will help us conserve energy, which we will need to retain enough heat to not perish through hypothermia. If we switch to audio only, you can still hear me." Heeding her own advice, or leading by example, Rei shut off the camera feed from inside her cockpit. "I am sorry that I was unable to protect you. I swore I would, and I have failed."

"No. No no no." Shinji quickly shut off the camera feed. "Ayanami, you tried to save me. You should have saved yourself. I'm sorry that…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He quickly chanted a litany of mumbled apologies, the only thing he could think to do in times such as this.

Rei found herself in a truly unique situation, mentally. She had experienced minor vexation before, there were always things that just didn't click for her and it was frustrating to watch others go through life so easily while to her everything seemed to be impossibly confusing at times or immeasurably frustrating in how complicated others made what should be simple tasks. What she was experiencing now, though, was nearly anger. It was a sensation she had never experienced, internally. She was familiar with the sensation logically; the Commander was often angry with others. He often belittled, demeaned, and bullied others in her presence. Now she was, for the first time, thinking to herself that Shinji was willingly blaming himself for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. For following orders. For her not being faster to save him. "Ikari," to her own ears, she sounded almost venomous, to Shinji she simply sounded a little upset, "calm down. You have nothing to apologize for. If you die because you hyperventilate in the LCL, I will find it most distressing."

"I'm sorry." The reflexive verbal ejaculation was out of his mouth before he could think to simply say nothing at all.

Her ivory-carved features suffered a microscopic hairline fracture. Worse, she found herself having a sudden empathy for the Second Child. "Let us focus on meditation. Listen to the sound of my voice, focus on doing what I say." Rei proceeded to talk constantly for a half of an hour, as she worked through all of the meditation exercises she had studied when Gendo demanded she learn self-defense. Flowing from the simple flower blossoming, to the more complicated water calmly travelling downstream, each an example of serenity. Shinji slowly unwound; his panic receding as Rei's quiet, velvet, tones soothed him. "Now, we rejoin our bodies. Our spirits are connected again, as we connect with the Eva, so do we connect with the self." Several heartbeats passed in silence, "Now, do you feel calmer?"

"Y-yes," he took another deep breath, "you're amazing!"

"Thank you." Her own anger now gone with his, she attempted to make use of his calm to move them towards her goal of conserving energy and oxygen, "It is nothing special, however."

"You can stay so calm, though! If you weren't here, I'd be climbing out of my skin."

"That sounds uncomfortable. I would not recommend doing so."

Shinji responded with a barking laugh, "Sure, sure."

Rei contemplated why her statement brought about his laughter, dismissing it as unimportant for now. "I do not regret our situation. Do you understand that I made the choice to attempt a rescue?"

"You don't regret being stuck in here with me?" Shinji sounded unsure of what she meant.

"I regret that the Angel attacked in the manner it has. I regret that we were unable to harm it before it drew you inside itself. I do not regret attempting your rescue." Rei stated this without reservation. She knew that she had disobeyed orders, however the Commander outranked Major Katsuragi and had stated that Shinji was invaluable for their future plans. She believed she could find a suitable argument to avoid the worst of the punishment.

"I, uhm, thank you." He couldn't think of what to say, he could never think of what to say. Like a beautiful guardian spirit, Ayanami had tried to save him. How could he make this right? What could he do to help get her out of this trap? "Ayanami, I mean it, thank you for trying."

"You cannot be replaced."

The way Rei stated this, seemingly non-sequitur, fact made Shinji question her logic. He knew that he was unique, all human life was. That was what made it a tragedy when people died. From the virtuous to the depraved, each person was made of their own history. Their own contributions to the greater whole of humanity. She said it with such passion though, as if she believed it to be a cornerstone of her existence itself. A sudden insight slapped him in the face, "Do…do you think you can be replaced?"

"Yes. I am not unique."

"That's not true at all!" He flipped back on his video transmitter and willed his face to show how wrong she was. "Never, ever say that! You're precious to…uhm…you really matter," he finished lamely.

"Ikari," she turned on her video transmitter, again frustrated that he was depleting his energy reserve but refusing to ignore his pleas, "you need to conserve the Eva's battery."

"Not until you admit to me that you can't be replaced." He stubbornly pressed on, "If you died I'd…." Clenching his teeth hard enough to make his jaw pop, he forced the next statement out, "I'd be heartbroken."

Both camera and her fellow pilot were treated to a blush, Rei's flawless alabaster staining lightly with a pinkish rose hue. "I do not wish to lie to you, but if it will allow you to cooperate I will agree with you."

"I mean it, you're very special." Shinji's mind began to dredge back up the fact that he was responsible for her being here, sinking him back into a fugue.

Rei saw his face turn down, his eyes becoming haunted and sunken. Not wishing to engage in another long monologue to regain the meditative calm they'd found, she sought to occupy his mind with 'more useful' matters, "We need to think of ways to assist the others in our rescue. Can you feel any particular pull?"

Shaking his head free of the clinging depressive fog, he thought on her question. "Well, I'm being pulled into my seat in the position I'm in, instead of floating. Does that mean anything?"

"It could mean that 'up' is in the normal direction for us. Our Evangelions are floating, I do not feel us sinking or moving anywhere."

"So, that means there are no currents. Where do you think we are?"

***** NERV, Tokyo-3. 12th Angel + 0. Thursday, Day 0.

"The best plan available, and I am using 'best' here in the 'stands the highest odds of working' sense, is dropping all nine hundred and ninety-two remaining non-Nuclear mines into the Angel and exploding them simultaneously. The combined force should…might create a fault in the two-dimensional nature of the Angel, and should," she sighed, "might cause it to regurgitate everything it's consumed back into the real world." Ritsuko Akagi's eyes never left the clipboard in front of her, her mind still laying about for any scrap of inspiration that could lead to a plan that had higher odds of survival for the two pilots.

Maya rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. She'd been staring at screens for far too long, and her eyes were becoming dry and irritated. "That's not a plan, senpai. It's murder. If they had full battery and were aware of the impending attack, they could pull up their A.T. Fields, but with no warning they'd be subjected to a pressure wave that would liquify them if they were close enough."

Misato glared daggers at Ritsuko, "I'm agreeing with your second, Doctor. There are two too many 'should' and 'might' and not enough 'will'. What have you been doing for the last eight hours?"

Ritsuko threw her clipboard on the ground and pointed a shaking finger at Misato, "I have been wracking my brain trying to find a way to deal with a perversion of physical law! I've been digging through half-baked theories from long dead 'scientists' for any mote of hope that we can do something about a…a…a thing that should not be! Damn it all, Misato! I have been busting my ass with no assistance but Maya because the MAGI all agree that whatever the hell is out there is a figment of our imagination. I had to disable several million lines of code just to get them to contemplate what in any sane mind would be a purely philosophical problem."

Trying several times to get angry, all the Major could do in the end is drop to her knees and cry. Maya quickly excused herself to get drinks for everyone, feeling that maybe a quick break for them all might bring fresh insight. "I just stood there, Rits. It grabbed him, and I just fucking stood there and watched as he drowned." Heaving sobs broke through Misato's hands. "I never said goodbye, I never told him how proud I was that he recognized what Rei needed to do, I didn't offer him any comforting words, I just fucking stood there and ordered his only chance of surviving to pull back."

It had become Ritsuko's turn to stand there, trying to find the right thing to say. Her cynical side wanted to tell Katsuragi to get over herself, that she failed and it happens. People die in wars. Her softer side wanted to reach out and cry along with the Major. Her friend, at least at one point in their lives, was bawling over the loss of her surrogate son. Her response couldn't simply be to say, 'Let's chuck a massive amount of non-nuclear explosives in a candy basket into the hole and hope it pukes up a corpse or two.'

Maya's quick return, with drinks, collapsed the waveform of Ritsuko's rapidly oscillating quantum emotional state. All the mousy lieutenant did was look at Misato, then look up at Ritsuko for a sign of what they should do to help what she had always believed to be a singularly powerful woman. That subtle prod was all she needed. In another world, in another time, she may have told the Major that yes, everything was her fault, but her better angels won. "I'm not giving up, Misato."

Her favored junior set down the three mugs of coffee, and helped Ritsuko place the crying woman into a nearby chair. "That's right! We've still got a few hours left. I can go brief this plan and get the people moving into place if this is all we can do, but we're not going to stop trying to rescue those kids." Maya squatted down and stared up into Misato's eyes with all the hope and determination she could muster. "They've saved us so many times, the least we can do is not give up when it's our chance to save them."

"While she's doing that, you can get Asuka ready to sortie. Whatever it is we decide to do, if that Angel moves again we need her absolutely determined to save the world on her own." Ritsuko laid a steady hand on Misato's cheek, a gesture Misato mirrored shakily. "I am not going to condemn that young man to oblivion if there is any other way that will work. I am sorry that this is all that science has to offer us right now. Please, please believe me when I say that I am doing all I can."

With a few more undignified sniffles, Misato screwed her dignity and courage back into place then swallowed Ritsuko and a surprised Maya in a group hug. "I'm sorry, I made you waste more time." She squeezed them both, grabbed the coffee and stormed out of the room with renewed determination to be helpful somewhere.

Looking after her departing friend, hoping that no matter what was to happen this would mark a recovery point in their rollercoaster friendship, Ritsuko bent and picked up her clipboard and handed it to Maya. "Maya, please find and brief Fuyutski. Tell him that without my final go ahead I absolutely cannot guarantee this plan has any chance of success. If they jump the gun, we'll likely lose both Evas and pilots. I'll have my final thesis ready no later than T minus thirty."

"I believe in you, sempai." Maya saluted and dashed off, the door opening and closing just as rapidly.

"I'm glad someone does." Walking back over to her MAGI terminal she set aside the woman once more and began digging away at an unsolvable riddle with renewed vigor and determination.

***** NERV, Tokyo-3. 12th Angel + 0. Thursday, Day 0.

Asuka's shrill scream of disbelief likely was audible in Tokyo-2, "They're going to WHAT?!"

"Right now, that's the plan with the best chance, Asuka. If that's what happens, I need you to go out there, and follow everything to the letter." Misato was in no-nonsense mode, her eyes locked Asuka in place with a gaze that brooked no dissent. The lives of their allies depended on everyone performing flawlessly, and whether she had to beat them into doing it or not, they would exceed perfection.

"Fine. It's their fault if they die anyway." Asuka flipped her hair back over her shoulder and glared out towards the hovering shadow of Leliel. She would never admit it to anyone. She would deny it with a gun to her head. She would not give them the satisfaction of hearing her say how worried she truly was for a young man with hauntingly blue eyes.

Gripping Asuka by the shoulder, Misato pulled her right into her face. "What was that?"

"You heard me," the flame-haired German shouted right back, "Wondergirl disobeyed orders, and if Shinji were actually the top pilot he would have done more than just stare at his feet while he sank. It's their fault if they die!"

Several engineers stopped in their tracks at a sound similar to a rack break in billiards. Misato's full-armed slap left an impression, both physical and emotional, on the rebellious young lady. Seeing a situation with no safe solution, most decided to put their heads down and hurry on their way. They had jobs to do, and preventing the most irritating pilot from receiving discipline was not one of those things.

"Oh sure," Asuka spat out some blood from where she'd bit her tongue, "take it out on your other ward. You're no better. Praising Shinji all the time. Giving him false confidence. He trusted you with his life and you let him down. Now you want to transfer your guilt to me? Fine." She pugnaciously stuck out her jaw. "Give me a matching one, show everyone how pathetic you are. Beating up on your subordinate."

"Be inside your Eva in twenty minutes, powered on and ready to go," Misato ground out the words, staring at a point just above and between Asuka's eyes. "You can get there and wait willingly, or Section Two will be happy to escort you there. Your choice." With that, Misato turned and walked away.

"Nice talking with you, Misato. These conversations of ours are always so punchy." Asuka's taunts hung in the air, unanswered. In a voice no louder than falling snow, she whispered, "Stupid, idiot, baka-Shinji." A tear rolled unacknowledged down her face, lost on her plugsuit.

***** 12th Angel + 0. Thursday, Day 0.

With nothing left to do, Shinji had spent the last eight hours in complete silence as he waited for someone to do something. A passing thought, something he had not ever really considered, popped up out of the silence in a broken voice, "Ayanami, can I ask you a question?" He was feeling beyond tired, slowly growing more and more inclined towards sleep in the futile hope that this would all be over when he woke. If, he woke.

"You may, if you wish." Rei wasn't in much better condition, neither of them could accurately gauge how long they had been in the strange void, but she felt they wouldn't last much longer regardless. The signs of oxygen deprivation were becoming more obvious, even to her. The carbon dioxide filters no longer effectively straining the deleterious compound from the LCL.

"Why don't you call me Shinji? Why use my last name?"

Rei felt surprise at this simple query. She had assumed they were not close enough to do so, that theirs was a professional relationship, despite the biological relationship. Shinji's awkward attempts at befriending her, to her, seemed to be based on him being overly polite, not any actual interest in personal engagement. "I did not know you wanted me to."

"We're going to die, aren't we?" He couldn't even find the strength to be sad at the recognition of their fate.

"That is increasingly likely. I am sorry," she paused, "Shinji."

Unseen, his face lit up in a contented smile. The simple sound of someone saying his name in such a tone filling him with the knowledge that in some small way he actually mattered to someone. He had given something worth remembering. He…he would not die alone.

"Does this mean you will use my name, also?" She continued, with a hint of sorrow. She had long wanted a friend. It might have been her own fault that she had never found one.

"If you would allow me to, I would gladly."

"Does this mean we're friends?"

"I've wanted to be your friend since I met you. You're a good person, for whatever you think my opinion might be worth. You're a very, very, good person." Shinji's mind came to a conclusion at that moment. The small part of his mind that was bold, that flew where angels feared to tread, said that if they had to die they died as Eva pilots should. "I think we should activate our self-destruct sequences. If we're going to die, let's give this bastard a stomachache. Let's show him that we existed. That we won't leave quietly."

The bluenette mulled this over. On the one hand it meant that she failed. Finally, and forever, she would have failed to protect Shinji. However, on the other hand it meant that he accepted the final step in defending everyone he loved. That his sacrifice shouldn't simply be empty, that in a glorious explosion they would defy their foe any hope of a full measure of victory. "Are you certain?" Rei knew her answer, but she had to ask him one last time.

"Begin the sequence. On the count of three, we'll both push the final key and move our Evas together. I can't hold you directly while we go wherever we go after life, but I think I'd like to hold you indirectly." Shinji summoned his waning strength and began the complicated key sequence to prime Unit-01's core for its final task.

Over in her behemoth, Rei was mirroring his actions. She felt a deep melancholy as she performed the last few steps. She did not want Shinji to die. She felt happy, he had grabbed the reins of his fate and was standing tall. A small part of her also felt truly happy that he wanted to hold her while they died. Her upbringing taught her to never expect closeness, and here at the end someone offered the best they could for someone like her.

"Are you ready, Rei?"

"I am prepared, Shinji."

"Pressing in one, two, three." In perfect sync, both Evas onboard systems announced that the countdown timer had begun to auto-destruct. Each of them reached out with their gigantic hands and pulled the other close, Rei reveled in the sensation of wanting to be held, Shinji quietly cried knowing that he was killing someone to save them a final travesty. He knew, though, that there was nobody else but one of the two wonderful women he fought with that he would rather face his end with.

When the countdown timer reached ten seconds, Shinji spoke simply, "Rei, I…. You deserved so much better than this. If I see you on the other side of this life, please forgive me for what I have done."

Rei found herself crying, the honest emotions in Shinji's voice gave her joy as the timer counted three.

Then two.

Then one.

The explosion didn't hurt. For them, there was no pain, no suffering. Just a sudden squeeze as the LCL compressed slightly and a brilliant light encompassed the two pilots. The last sensation either of them knew, was that there was another soul just out of reach that loved them.

The explosion ripped Leliel apart, devastating the interior liquid that served as her core and shattering the orb-shaped shadow that announced her existence. Unit-02 stood just outside the predicted danger zone of the N-2 strike as the ball fractured, shattered, then sprayed blood and flame into the sky. Fragments of the Angel, launched heavenward, destroyed several of the nearby bombers who were unable to evade in time. Viscera, gore, and death reaching as far as the mainland of the Asian continent.

Misato broke down into tears, leaning on the railing in the command bridge, heaving sobs leaving no doubt as to her feelings. She had failed. She had failed as a superior, as a guardian…as a woman. The last words the most wonderful young man she'd ever known had heard from her were an order for him to be abandoned to his death.

Ritsuko held a crying Maya, nerveless fingers limp with shame at her failure to rescue the two Children. Without Unit-01, Gendo's plans amounted to nothing at all. Without the two pilots that had killed the most Angels, they were at the mercy of the most broken of the trio. What good was science if it could do nothing when she needed it most?

The remaining bridge staff quietly bowed their heads and clapped their hands in a traditional Shinto prayer, each understanding instinctively what the two had decided to do in sacrificing themselves to save everyone else. The fight would go on, and the fallen would be remembered with pride and joy.

Asuka wept.

***** 12th Angel + 0. Thursday, Day 0.

"Hmm." A tall man, with sand colored hair and a light complexion, observing their struggle on a luminous screen of mist, froze the final moment of Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami. "How interesting. You know, I've always wanted to see what it felt like to be nice to somebody for no reason." Standing up from his frozen table, he walked over to where his diminutive, home-grown, secretary was busily organizing his correspondence. "Amy, please redirect my calls for a while. I've found something that truly interests me. I'm going to go have a chat with a couple of extraordinary young people."

Her upbeat demeanor and positive attitude on full display, Amy looked over to him with a warm smile. "Of course, sir. If I could know where you are going, so I can tell any of the senior partners who might be curious?"

"Japan, on Earth. Or thereabouts. There's a bit of a multi-dimensional hole there at the moment, I'm going to pluck the unfortunate two from the oblivion they've consigned themselves to and get an exclusive interview."

"Oh, Japan. I've always wanted to visit." Amy changed her smile to a sly grin, "Would you be the best person in the whole universe and bring your dedicated employee back something nice?"

"Absolutely. On the condition that my office plants do not suffer while I'm out."

Amy glanced over at the two ice sculptures, depicting an olive tree and a deciduous fern, "Are you kidding me? I spent forever getting them just right. If anyone hurts either of the poor dears I'll rip their spine out myself!"

Placing his overcoat on, the man gave a roguish grin, "That's why I love you, Amy. Good employees like you are a rose in the desert." With a tip of his hat, he vanished in a puff of mist.

His office door opened not long afterward, an emaciated, dark-skinned, man entering and ducking his head at Amy, "Saw the boss leave, everything ok?"

"Just fine, Nick. The big guy found two kids left in limbo and decided he'd like to know their story. You know him, big ol' softy." Amy stuck her tongue out between her teeth in a cute little grin. "That's why we work for him."

"Indeed it is, ma'am, indeed it is. I'll handle his meetings until he comes back." Nick ducked his head again, and went to leave.

"You're a doll, Nick. Thanks for volunteering." Amy tossed a few of the envelopes into the trash, "Junk mail. I swear, you can never get rid of it." She stopped and looked at the next envelope, "Huh, haven't heard from Lil' in a long time. Wonder what she wants?" Amy opened the envelope and hummed as she pre-read the letter.

+++++ Author's Note.

And so it begins. I have decided to rewrite the original (more mature) story that started my journey down the path of being a shitty robot fanfiction author. So many years ago, YA(N)C was a completely different tale with a completely different motivation, and as I go through this story you'll notice themes and trends that were a part of what became YA(N)C. I hope everyone will forgive me as I force you on another long journey with a...much different Shinji Ikari than The Wanderer. Here goes...fingers crossed.