I had never thought of Gale and I together though, more than we were now. Just the idea of it seemed tiring and foreign. It felt taboo and un-allowed. But now, that I actually allowed myself to let the thought seep in, It made sense. We had known each other for years now. We trusted each other with all that we had. We loved each other. I had always known I loved him, as my friend, like an extension of my family. To me, he was my family. Most of the time more than my own mother was. He'd never abandon me when things became too much, too hard to process. But, a romantic love? I didn't even know what it meant to love someone in that way. I was scared I'd never know how. I had only just yesterday had my first sexual experience. It was fantastic. It was strange. But it mostly just left me more curious than ever. Could I let myself feel that way with Gale though? Thinking about it made me blush and a wave of embarrassment overtook me. Gale had never seen my body in all its bare nature. No one had, until Finnick. Before the Games, Gale and I were practically inseparable. We were like a single entity. Our families had always assumed we'd end up married with a humble home overflowing with love and offspring. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Gale knew my stance on bringing children into this cruel existence.
I finally made my way to my front door. It wasn't as welcoming as I thought it'd be. As I twisted the knob, I heard laughter and a familiar voice. I pushed the door all the way open, and in my living room was my mother, Prim, and Finnick. Finnick?
"Katniss! I was just telling your lovely mother and sister how close together we've grown!" He exclaimed, making his way over to me. I looked at him, puzzled, and he winked at me, grabbing my hand and leading me over to the living room couch.
"You never told us about this charming young man." My mother swooned, quite obviously taken with him.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, must've slipped my mind. " I mumbled. I had no idea what in the world was going on.
"Well, if you'll excuse us, we'll be making our way to her room for a birthday discussion." He explained, tugging lightly on my hand. As we walked toward my room, my mother called.
"Leave your door open, Kat!"
"I'm of legal age to consent to whatever it is that I want!" I called back, shaking my head as Finnick chuckled.
Once in my room I sighed, looking up into Finnick's face.
"What're you doing here?" I asked him, setting Peeta's painting beside my vanity. I sat on my bed, slipping my boot's off one at a time.
"I just thought it'd be nice to meet your family. If I'm to be courting you." He pointed at me, sitting down beside me.
Courting me? When exactly did this commence?
"Wait, what? I didn't think you wanted to actually make this...situation of ours official. You're Finnick, after all." My voice was riddled with confusion.
"Well, yeah. I just thought that after yesterday, that was clear. Maybe I'm not this version of Finnick you think you so clearly know." He said, placing his hand over top of mine. That's when I noticed that I had subconsciously slid Gale's ring on my finger while examining it with Peeta. Shit.
Finnick noticed the cool feel of the material, and removed his hand, looking down. His expression was grim.
"What is this?" He pointed to the offending ring.
"Oh, uh, it's nothing. Gale came by earlier and gave it to me as a birthday present. He...uhm...saw us yesterday..." I just barely got the last words out before I heard a chuckle emanating from his chest.
"Oh, I know. I thought you did too? I thought his presence was rather obvious. What with your bionic ear the Capitol rebuilt." He caressed my ear ever so lightly.
"What? You knew? How could you continue?" My anger had made such a wonderful reappearance.
"I thought you knew! I thought this was our way of showing him that your interest was solely invested in me!" He yelled, bolting from my bed. I shook my head in disbelief.
"I don't know if my interest's are invested solely in you! Until today, I had no idea that Gale was even in love with me! Now I have absolutely no idea how I feel about anything anymore." I admitted, my head falling into my hands. This was really all too much in the span of a few days.
"Gale finally admitted it? Katniss, from what I've come to know, which isn't much, this has been quite obvious for a long time. At least, that's what your mother had mentioned." He said to me. Just how long had they been getting to know each other? Was I the only one who didn't know Gale's true feelings? Question after question fought for the attention of my brain. I puffed up my cheeks with air and released slowly, trying to cool my head.
"Hey, hey." He cooed, taking his previous position beside me. He tilted my chin upward so that our eye's were aligned with one another.
"You don't have to know anything right now. It is your birthday. You get one free pass." With that, a silver bracelet was pulled from his pocket. More jewelry? I didn't think I deserved this much. Or anything really, for that matter. Hanging from the bracelet was a charm in the shape of a trident, it's neighboring charm was that of a bow with a single arrow against it's string. It was spectacular.
"I-I can't accept this." I told him, pushing his hand gently away.
"You can, and you will." He said, opening my hand and dumping the bracelet within my now sweating palms. I sighed and laid down, clutching the bracelet tightly.
"Here." He said, grabbing my free hand and pulling me back up. He un-knitted the tight web of my fingers and grabbed the bracelet. He draped the bracelet around my wrist, connecting it with the single, simple clasp.
There. Perfect." He smiled at me, his thumb brushing my cheeks lightly. I couldn't help but smile back, my face flushing.
"Happy Birthday, Katniss." Then his lips were on mine, claiming them hungrily. I returned the kiss, heated with passion.
His hand made it's way behind my neck, stroking me ever so lightly. Could I continue doing this? My conscience got the better of me. and reluctantly, I pulled away. Finnick's eye's conveyed an emotion I had never seen play on him before. Pain.
"Look, I'm sorry. Right now just isn't a good time for this. My whole life's been flipped and I'm not sure which direction will lead me home." I said, looking away. I felt Finnick scoot from beside me, his body heat dissipating.
"I get it. When you figure out that your home's been with you all along, find me." And with that, he was gone.
These past few day's had provided way too much emotional turmoil for my liking. I just needed time to myself. I rose and pulled every inch of clothing, aside from my undergarments, off, tossing them away and letting them land wherever they saw fit. I slid the covers back and hopped under, my head hitting the pillow. It felt so good to just be able to lie here, undisturbed. I heard the confused voice's of my mother and Prim as Finnick explained to them I wasn't feeling well. They exchanged their goodbyes and the door slammed. I closed my eyes, my hand moving to stroke the bracelet adorning my newly decorated, weighed down wrist. What did I want? What did I need? My mind began making a list. There was Peeta. The sweet son of a Baker, who always had the perfect string of words for any situation. Then there was Gale. My rock, my best friend, my brother. I could tell him anything and everything, and he never once judged me. No matter how dark the things leaving my lips were. He loved me unconditionally, which was more than I could say for others, aside from my mother and Prim, on my part. Lastly, Finnick. He was without a doubt sculpted by the hands of Gods. Strong, poised, charming. Everything a girl could want. But did this girl? I didn't know. I didn't think I ever would. Finnick of course had never admitted his love to me, like his previous contenders. I sensed that wasn't quite his thing and that we hadn't known each other long enough. They say tragedy's bring people closer, but I don't think in that way. At least not in our case, anyway. I wasn't so sure now that I wanted to give Finnick my flower. I mean, I had saved it for nineteen years, why teeter at the end? He did give me my first eye opening, body tingling experiences, yes, but I didn't feel my heart flutter for him. I was wildly attracted to him, that was for sure. His touches, his breath, his voice, his body. The whole combination, or these endearments separately, did wonders to me. I heard a soft knock, followed by the subtle sound of my door cracking open. My mother crept in, as silently as possible. She laid a thin blanket on top of the one currently sheltering my body and then kissed the side of my temple before retreating in the manner in which she came. My last thought before I was dead to the world was of me, hand in hand with each male, making our way to a bright, warm, light. It was kind, un-accusing. It let me know that everything was going to be okay.
When I awoke, the moon was streaming through my curtains. The light bounced off my bed, my walls. This let me know I hadn't slept for too long. I felt eyes on me and a weight near my feet. I sat up, eye's opened and adjusting to my surrounding's. I saw a tall, shadowy figure with those unmistakable gray eyes that mirrored my own. They burned with the intensity of a thousand suns.
"Gale?" I called, my voice groggy, laced in sleep. He didn't say anything. He just stared. Eyes burrowing into mine.
Gale?" Again I called, this time with urgency. He crawled toward me, eye's never leaving mine as he made his way beside me. His hand moved to rest on my hip.
The gooseflesh on my arms caught my attention for a split second, my eyes turning to find the source of the breeze. My window was cracked, the breeze from the Earth blowing my sheer curtain ever so slightly, thus revealing Gale's entry point.
"Hey, Catnip." His voice was small, defeated. I smiled the smallest of smile's at the familiar nickname. I moved my hand to rest with this.
"You do know you don't have to sneak in here like you used to back in the Seam when we were kids? We're all grown ups here." He chuckled.
"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" He countered, a smile appearing on my lips.
"Do you still hate me? I can understand if you do." I said, my face a canvas of emotions. His expression grew serious. His hand squeezed mine gently.
"You know that I could never hate you." He said.
"Yeah, but..." I started, loosing my flash of courage shortly after.
"I was hurt, of course. But, I'll heal. They say that's what time's for, right? Besides, there's no way you could've known. I didn't tell you soon enough, and for that, I hate myself." His voice grew hard with hatred.
"Gale, don't. This is not your fault. I'm just confused is all. I'm not with him, you know." I promised him. This roused a smile from him.
"Well, good. I see I haven't striked out yet then." He nodded curtly.
"I'd never count you out." I responded.
His eyes found their way to my hand and he smiled.
"I see my taste wasn't too bad? I'm not so good with these sparkly things." He admitted. I chuckled, my thumb rubbing over his callused knuckles.
"You did perfect." I said as my hand reached to pull the covers tightly around my body. Surrounding myself in a warming cocoon.
"Mind if I join you?" He asked, the hope in his voice matching that of his eyes. That's when I remembered how clad I was beneath this blanket.
"Close your eyes." I said. He looked at me, but he didn't protest. He snapped his eyes shut tightly and I made my way from my bed. I went to my armourer, pulling out a long, flowing gown. This wasn't my usual attire, but I needed something long and unappealing. I slipped it over my body, turning to look at him. His eye's were on me, studying every curve.
"Gale, you peaked!" I scolded him, narrowing my eyes.
"Sorry, sorry!" He apologized, moving his hands up in front of him. I made my way back to my bed, crawling under the covers.
"You may enter." I said to him. He nodded and pulled the covers up giddily, sliding under the fortress of blankets and making his way through the barrier to rest beside me.
"You know, you didn't have to change. I surely wouldn't have minded." He noted, his lips displaying a sly smile.
"Well, I wanted to create some mystery." I retorted. He smiled and inched closer, pressing our bodies flush against each other. I felt my breathing hitch and the slightest of gasps escaped me. His hand moved back to my waist, outlining every curve. My hips no longer held sharp, cruel angles. They were full and plumped up right where my narrow waist ended. I was slowly blossoming into the woman I was meant to become. His touches were gentle and small. Calm. They didn't demand anything of me and I was grateful. I didn't feel that I was able to meet any demands at this present moment.
"You have no idea the power you posses." His voice was just above a whisper. What power? I wondered. At this moment I felt weak and small. Undeserving of his affections. I didn't pretend to know what he meant, I just smiled at him and moved my hand to press against his chest. For a while we just laid there, making small talk. Never mentioned Finnick or our blowout. When his eyes finally shut, I moved my hand from him, slowly and gently. I moved a hand to my wrist, my fingers working nimbly and quickly to unclasp the bracelet. I moved over the edge of the bed, concealing the item underneath it where I was sure he'd never find it. I was so surprised that he was never made aware of it's shiny presence. Or maybe he just didn't feel like creating the energy needed to discuss it. I moved back up and grabbed his hand. I wonder what my mother and Prim were thinking of all this recent male company. It certainly wasn't my normal amount. Gale, he was once a regular. His presence was to be expected, though not as often as usual. But Finnick? It was like a parade rolling through 12. I laid the lightest of kisses over his knuckles and palms.
"I'm starting to see what the fuss is all about." I smiled, my eyes closing, hoping to join Gale in the land of sleep.