Chris: Yo, we're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario, I'm your host Chris McLean with a new game format, re-vamped challenges, and a colorful cast of characters from our quadrant of the multiverse. Here's the deal, twenty-two campers, chosen to capture the feel of my OG 22 have signed up to spend some time right here at our good old summer camp, they'll compete in challenges against each other then have to face the judgment of not only their fellow campers, but an active Reddit audience as well. Every week, one team will either win a reward or nominate some dudes from their team to be put up for an Eviction Vote and the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat, [he laughs] and leave Total Drama Island for good. Their fate will not be decided solely by their teammates but by YOU! In the end, as per usual, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small [holds a tiny treasure chest] fortune which let's face it, they'll probably blow it in a week, given most of 'em aren't from our Earth and have totally different exchange rates! To survive, they'll have to battle [a bear tries to shoo the flies] black flies, [a grizzly bear roars] grizzly bears, disgusting camp food.
Grub: Hey now.
Chris: And each other. [A bird and her babies chirp beside a camera] Every moment will be caught on of the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp, who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here right now on Total...Drama...Island.
[The theme song plays.]
Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine, you guys are on my mind [Patrick wakes up under the lake, pulls a Krabby Patty out of his pocket and eats it, burping and creating a small tidal wave towards the beach], you asked me what I wanted to be [Arthur and Sasha are having a picnic on the beach just as the tidal wave hits them] and I think the answer is plain to see, I wanna be famous [Cyborg is recharging himself with a solar panel array when the weather suddenly turns Arctic. Cut to Gray laughing and Hermione shaking her head] I wanna live close to the sun [Darcy is looking for the Immunity Idol on the river riding Amethyst, shape-shifted as a canoe. They fall into the waterfall]. Go pack your bags cause I've already won [Sans is standing asleep on a log, blipping out of the way just in time as Mabel rappels across with her grappling hook], everything to prove nothing in my way [Mabel slams into the outhouse, causing Seraphine to fall out], I'll get there one day. [Brian and Raymond, tied up, look on in horror as Chef serves them 'mystery meat', meanwhile Bakugou is armwrestling an arm of sand conjured by Gaara next to him. Bakugou loses.] Cause I wanna be famous. [LSP and Ponyhead are taking selfies by the steps on the beach] Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na! [Baljeet is writing on his organizer while Lisa is playing her saxophone as fireworks go off in the sky] I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous, I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous [At the campfire, Jett and Jason are about to kiss when Barry pops up and fines them] (Whistling in tune)
Chris: It's time to meet our New 22!
[A boat arrives, carrying a small, blond girl carrying baggage twice as large as her, with a saxophone sticking out]
Chris: Representing the Simpsons fandom, it's Lisa!
Lisa: Hello, Mr. McLean, it's great to be one of your contestants for this new season. I plan not only to compete but to use my time here on the island to inspire and send a message to all the viewers out there!
Chris: [looking uninterested]. That's great, we'll be looking forward to your power plays, Lisa…
[A second boat brings in the next contestant, Cyborg]
Chris: Cyborg, my man! [fistbumps]
Cyborg: BOO-YAH! I just want to, first of all say IN YOUR FACE, BB! I was obviously picked coz they need a complete PARTAYY MACHINE! Yo, chris! Dibs on that hot tub! We're turning Wawanakwa into Cyborg's Meatball Party Island!
[A massive aircraft hovers over the island. A slim girl with white hair leaps out. She seems to fall in slow motion before landing, to the applause of Chris, Lisa and Cyborg]
Chris: Jett, glad you could drop by
Jett: You mean we're staying here? This place looks more run-down than Breeze.
Chris: Oh, no. You're staying here. My crib is an airstream with AC that-a-way, as usual.
Jett: Welp, so much for using my vacation time wisely.
[A magnificent British clipper sails in, depositing a refined young man with abnormally large brows]
Chris:Representing a fandom I'm sure is made up of girls crazier than Sierra, here's Arthur!
Arthur: Good day to you, Chris.. Lovely day for the beach, though I take it we're not here to sunbathe, are we?
Jett: God, I can't wrap my head around how he and Phoenix are from the same country
Lisa: The United Kingdom does have a lot of subcultures
Jett: Yeah, I guess it's that…
Arthur: Great to see such a diverse lineup right off the bat. You must be Jett, m'lady. Grant told me all about you
Jett: His real name is Grant? [giggling]
Arthur: Ah, I feel that wasn't for you to know. Oh, well.
Chris: Guys, this is our celebrity contestant!
[A beautiful girl with Asian features and bubblegum pink hair descends from a gimmicky hoverboard]
Jett: NO FREAKING WAY, IT'S SERAPHINE
Lisa: K/DA's newest member?! She's the celebrity contestant?!
Arthur: Goodness! Would it be immodest of me to ask for an autograph?
Cyborg: OH MY GOSH, SIGN MY BLASTER, SERAQUEEN! I BOUGHT ALL YOUR INDIE ALBUMS! [everyone stares] What? Guys can like her music. Guys can like… things
Seraphine: Hi, Chris! I'm so glad you chose me. I just saw the advertisement for the reboot and I thought it would be so cool to spend my free time here. That EU Tour was exhausting! Maybe it was because it was right smack in the middle of Oktoberfest. I'm kinda honored everyone here's a fan. It's so unreal!
[The air in front of them shimmers and parts like curtains, revealing three sinister but beautiful girls with impeccable makeup and an outfit]
Darcy: No, this is unreal
[The two girls on the sides fizzle away into smoke and dust]
Seraphine: Yikes! I thought that was Evelynn for a hot second!
Chris: Darcy! I'm glad the Witch of Illusions didn't think our little contest was beneath her
Darcy: Oh, it is Chris. But I'm here mainly to rub it in my sisters' noses. They auditioned months before me and I just sent in my audition tape two days ago. Sorry, Icy, Stormy! I'll send you some leftovers as souvenirs when I'm done girlbossing this island to the ground.
Chris: It's giving Heather
[An alchemical seal bursts to light on the dock. A young man with dark hair and no shirt on, with a tattoo on his chest emerges]
Arthur: Ah, that must be a wizard [A cold breeze sweeps through the contestants]. Yes, yes, a wizard. Elemental, most probably an Ice Mage
Darcy: And hot guys. There. I said it. I came here for the boys too…
Chris: Guys, this is Gray. Ishgar's coldest Ice Wizard
Darcy: Oh, even better! I can hear Icy gnashing her teeth from here!
Gray: And my girlfriend can hear you from here and is probably being restrained right this moment from swamping you
Darcy: I've fought off water mages before
Jett: We could use someone like you at the Icebox site. Really cold. We don't care to get drafted there.
Chris: Let's take it from ice-cold to desert hot with our next contestant!
[The sky darkens as a giant aircraft made of sand hovers above. It disassembles and merges with the sand on the beach. A young man with red hair and dark eye circles emerges from the craft and levitates toward the rest of the contestants on a platform of sand]
Chris: Guys, this is Gaara, the first of our high-profile young world leader contestants!
Gaara: Mainly here for diplomatic reasons, I assure you. My Tourism advisor Matsuri told me joining Total Drama would place our nation on the greater world map and 'attract' tourists. I don't have the slightest idea what she meant.
Jett: Why, indeed…
[Chris turns around just as the next contestant literally blinks onto the dock]
Sans: Hey guys, I thought this was the Smash Bros Invitational, but this works too
Chris: Sans, the best jokester in the underground!
Sans: Oh, no, not #1, I'm just the pun-ultimate
Arthur: George Bernard Shaw is rolling in his grave
[Another airship, a literal flying trireme, hovers over the island and a young man descends, much like Jett, using wind to slow his fall]
Arthur: That thing is giving me PTSD
Jett: How can an ancient Roman warship give you PTSD?
Chris: Our next diplomatic participant! A retired praetor of the city of New Rome and our only demigod contestant this season, Jason!
Darcy: [Biting her lip] A demigod?! Not with those glasses, but…
Arthur: Goodness, me. Not just any demigod, he's one of only five demigods of the Elder Three. Son of Jupiter, obviously by the wind and the crackling electricity flying off his shirt
Darcy: I'm going to FaceTime Stormy. She's gonna lose it!
Jett: New Rome?
Sans: Rome is more than a thousand years old. Last time I checked, that's not new
Chris: It's in Berkeley, California
Jason: Hey, Chris. Thanks for accepting my audition. I've been looking forward to the opportunity of getting out after recent events
Chris: Events?
Arthur: World nearly ended
Darcy: Those crazy emperors, can't believe I dated one of them
Sans: Happens on a weekly basis
Jett: Sounds fun. Was that you controlling the wind? Funny, didn't think there'd be more, uh, airbenders? wind-users? What are we, exactly?
Jason: Airheads? At least that's the term Leo and Percy use
Chris: There's three of you, actually. Gaara is a Wind-style user with Earth as his secondary element
Lisa: Wind erodes Earth, thus making sand
Darcy: No shit, Einstein
Gaara: Mr. Grace, glad to see you well [handshake]
Jason: I agreed to join with Gaara and another contestant to conduct a tripartite diplomatic program between the hidden communities of demigods, shinobi and wizards
Gaara: I'm sure the Hogwarts representative will be here soon
[Another airship, this time a conventional zeppelin with a strange insignia not matching any known Earth militaries, descends. A girl leaps out. Spindles of cord fly from her hips, connecting to the trees, allowing her to land gracefully on the dock]
[Everyone claps]
Chris: We have the honor of having a member of the world-class Survey Corps this season! Thanks for having us, Sasha!
Jett: I thought she got 360 no-scoped last season
Sasha: Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. I'm just moonlighting for the rest of the series so I can join Total Drama! I heard there's a reward challenge involving a huge rib roast!
Jett: You traveled from the AOT sector of the multiverse to compete for ribs? You've… got your priorities straight
Sasha: I did hear the food would be terrible at the start…
[Chef in the distance: Hey!]
Sasha: …so I brought my own food [proceeds to unload her bag, which contains nothing but cuts of meat, baked potatoes and a plate of spaghetti and meatballs]
Jett: Where did you get spag- nevermind
Arthur: You've packed enough for the North Africa 11th Hussars
Sasha: The Survey Corps are always prepared!
[A regular boat passes by, dropping off a white dog walking on its hind legs]
Jett: Okay, now I've seen everything
Seraphine: Aww, can I pet him or would that be rude?
Arthur: Terribly rude, I'm afraid. That dog is a best-selling author
Lisa: Brian Griffin! Publisher of Faster than the Speed of Love and Wish it, Want it, Do it!
Jett: That sounds cringier than a trip through Wattpad
Brian: Hey, Lisa! Hi, Chris, thanks for having me as your celebrity contestant
Chris: Um, actually, Seraphine is our celebrity contestant. You got the "Voice of His Generation" writer slot
Darcy: Ouch, talk about beating the dog
Brian: Oh. Well, this is still gonna be a productive time for me. I'll write all about my adventures here on Total Drama on a new book: Adventures in Reality Television: The True Story of Total Drama
Gray: That… actually sounds interesting
Chris: Well, don't go exposing the giant alien hive living under the island
Cyborg: The WHAT
[ A purple yacht pulls up]
Seraphine: What a cute yacht! I love the color
Darcy: That's no yacht
Jett: Whoa
Cyborg: That's a whole ass contestant! [The yacht shapeshifts into a short purple girl with white hair and punk clothes]
Amethyst: HEY YOU GUUUUYS! Hey, Chris, thanks for having me here! Where my Cartoon Network squad at?! Cyborg!
Cyborg: Aw yeah, now it's a party!
Sans: Watch it, babe, you'll break the fourth wall
Jett: The WHAT
Amethyst: Oh, you wouldn't get it. It'd be like RUNNING INTO A BRICK WALL
Sans: I think I'm in love
Darcy: Ugh, barf!
[A magical portal opens as a pair of scissors cuts through]
Arthur: Those Dimensional Scissors had better be in the hands of an adult!
Darcy: I haven't had one of those since that rat Stormy stole my pair AND NEVER GAVE IT BACK! She probably dropped it while getting into that catfight with Ayeshat
[A floating disembodied unicorn head and a pink cloud with a face emerge]
Seraphine: OH MY GOD, IS THAT UNICORN ALRIGHT?!
Arthur: Oh, that's no ordinary unicorn, love. The Unicorns of Mewni long shed their bodies, not needing them anymore for their daily activities like using social media, dancing at raves and binging K-Drama series
Jett: Sounds like my type of unicorn
Ponyhead: What up, home fries? We were a bit late because somebody didn't ask directions
Lumpy Space Princess: Gurl, we didn't need them, my totally cool lump powers let me tune in to this dimension
Ponyhead: Did it let ya tune in to that tentacle monster dimension we hopped into before we got here?! Those squids were coming for my-
Chris: Ma'am, this is a kids show
Ponyhead: Right, sorry. Anyway, thanks for having us here, Chris!
LSP: Omiglob, yes! Total Drama has everything a girl could ask for! Cameras, cute guys, a beach, marshmallows, cute guys [floats towards the guys]
Ponyhead: We are NOT here to flirt, gurl, we're here to girlboss!
LSP: I'm tired! I don't want any more girlbossing! Just girl-resting, girl-sleeping… girl-laying down [falls asleep on Jason's head]
Jason: Okay, then, Miss Girlboss…
[Another boat passes by, dropping an Indian boy with light packing and an intelligent spark in his eyes]
Arthur: Baljeet Tjinder? Four-time champion of the Danville Grand Prix Spelling Bee and recent winner of the prestigious Kirkland Science Project grant?
Baljeet: Indeed, sir, but how did you-
Arthur I'm, er, part of the family that funds the grant
Jett: I think I remember my friend Killjoy mentioning getting that grant when she was younger
Arthur: Ah, yes. It was for her Lockdown Initiator Matrix. Useful in apprehending crooks and tardy schoolchildren
Jason: Yes, and I think my friend Leo was disqualified
Arthur: My dear boy, the Science Grant looks for "promising inventions and inventors", not a crazed lad with a flamethrower-chainsaw…
Lisa: Hi, Baljeet! Crazy meeting you here
Baljeet: Hi, Lisa! We frequently end up facing each other in Quiz Bees
Lisa: It's been a very healthy rivalry
Cyborg: [gasps] They were rivals…
[A ship named S.S. Aqua arrives, dropping off a jittery young man]
Chris: Barry! How's the Sinnoh Region?
Barry: Busier than ever, Chris! We've been getting tourists galore since Cynthia unearthed the ruins of the Hisuian civilization from the sands!
Gaara: Why didn't I think of THAT.
Barry: I WILL have to put a fine on the staff for getting the directions wrong. I ended up on this weird spiky island with big, scary Fossil Pokemon!
Chris: Yikes, that was Boney Island, which we WILL visit later in this show
Brian: Is it too late to write our wills?
Jett: Hey, the bigger they are, the easier to hit [Levitating throwing knives]
Chris: They're PROTECTED WILDLIFE from the Pleistocene Epoch. Seriously, dudes, they won't hurt ya as long as you leave their eggs and babies alone
[Another boat drops off a scary young man with blond, spiky hair]
Sans: Jeez, what is this, the Aryan Love-Good Convention?
Chris: Bakugou's a registered superhero from Japan
Cyborg: Cool, we're open for auditions for new Titans!
Bakugou: ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP YOU EXTRAS! I'M WINNING THIS FUCKING SEASON AND YOU'D ALL BETTER GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Jett: This guy's never heard of an inside voice
Darcy: Love it when they talk dirty
Gray: NO, YOU LISTEN, YOU RABID POMERANIAN, I JOINED THIS SHOW TO GET AWAY FROM A LOUD HOTHEAD. I'M NOT TOLERATING ANOTHER FIRE MAGE THINKING HE'S HOT SHIT!
[They get into each other's faces]
Bakugou: YOU TALKIN' TO ME, FROSTY?!
Gray: DAMN RIGHT, I AM, BUTANE-BREATH!
Seraphine: Somebody stop them!
Darcy: Are you kidding? I've been waiting for a dog-fight all day
Brian: Ahem
Darcy: No offense
Jason: Hey, guys, let's maybe chill a bit and [gets hit in the face]
Gaara: Alright, that's enough [Sand columns form and restrain Gray and Bakugou]
LSP: STOP! BOYS, [stands between them] you'll ruin your faces [runs her hands across their chests] And your abs. What a waste…
Ponyhead: It's giving Boys over Flowers
Jett: More like Stupid Boys, Stupid Love
Chris: Here comes our next contestant!
[Instead of the air, the next vehicle emerges from under the lake surface, a red bus that drops off a fat, pink humanoid wearing green bahama shorts with purple flowers]
Chris: Patrick! So glad you didn't get lost. Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa!
Patrick: I thought this was Spanish class…
Chris: Um, yeah. Just… go ahead with the other contestants. Look up! It's Hermione!
[A slim girl riding a broomstick glides down toward the dock]
Seraphine: What an entrance!
Darcy: Nuh-uh, that model broom is SO 2017
Gray: I hear she's the brainiest witch in the United Kingdom. Wonder if she can give Levy a run for her runes
Arthur: Runology isn't her forte. She excels at verbal spells and Conjuring
Chris: Glad you could fly by in time
Hermione: My pleasure to be part of this momentous event in interdimensional diplomacy, Mr. McLean. It's an honor to be competing with such a diverse cast of characters!
Lisa: [waving hands and squeaking incoherently]
Hermione: Why, that's Lisa from Mugglecamp! Oh, let me explain, we've been conducting intercommunity camping programs to acclimatize Muggles to the reality of Wizarding Communities. Lisa raised her hand, asked and answered more than all the other kids her age combined!
Jason: So, you've also gotten training as a camp counselor?
Hermione: Oh yes, you could say I'm a wizard C.I.T.
Chris: Courtney with magic. Yikes, I don't wanna think about it
[Hermione was shaking hands with Patrick and chatting with Amethyst when another boat sails in and completely steals everyone's attention]
Seraphine: THE CUTENESS, I CAN'T-
Jett: I WANT TO TAKE HIM HOME!
Sasha: MINE, MINE!
Lisa: NO, MINE!
LSP: Girl, that is prime boyfriend material!
Ponyhead: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!
Hermione: [INCOHERENT SCREAMING]
Darcy: MUST, NOT, SQUIRM
Chris: Everyone's favorite Villager! Welcome to Wawanakwa, Raymond!
Raymond: [soft purring] Merci, Mr. McLean. I've gotten wind of this fabulous contest from my home island and I immediately decided to audition. It must be nice to live here for weeks, playing those quaint little challenges of yours!
Barry: That is one fancy Meowth
Arthur: Charming. A feline bon vivant
Raymond: It's nice to make your collective acquaintance! Is that Brian Griffin, author of that scintillating book on positive thinking and manifestation? That book is so crisp right now back on New Horizon Island!
Brian: [barking]. I mean, thank you. It's great to know I have a growing audience in the sentient animal market
Darcy: Is that everybody?
Chris: There's still one-
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[A little girl with brown hair, a teal sweater and a grappling hook swings off her boat onto the dock]
Sasha: 9/10 on the execution, but that landing needs work!
Hermione: Are you alright?!
Lisa: Oh, it's Mabel. She's fine
Chris: We really hit a jackpot when we found this girl who serves Izzy AND Beth at the same time. Welcome to Total Drama, Mabel!
Mabel: Hi, Chris! It's great to be at your summer camp! I remember watching the OG seasons and thinking 'oh, wow, wouldn't itbesoromantictohangouthereandmeetcuteguys?' No, what about all thosefunchallengesIhope there'saGreasedPigchallengeI'm an expert at handling pigs!
Ponyhead: I LOVE the energy she's giving
Chris: Ok, guys, let's just take a quick groufie and then settle down by the campfire to create the teams!
[Italic means Confessional!]
Jett: It'd be great if I end up with Gaara, Bakugou and Gray. It'd be a pretty solid elemental core. Add one of the nerds and it's a perfect team!
Darcy: I need two close allies, I feel exposed by myself [A smartphone floats down, revealing Icy and Stormy cackling at her. "Knew it!"]. What?! When did THAT get here?! [smashes smartphone]
Arthur: I love a diverse team. Give me all those oddities, those rejects, and I'll build an empire of a team!
Brian: I don't want to be on the same team as Raymond. Wow, did that sound racist? I just don't think I can keep my instincts under control. Don't get me wrong, I have many cat friends…
Chris: Jason! Jett! Lisa! Darcy! Amethyst! Mabel! Seraphine! Barry! Patrick! Brian! Raymond! You guys are our new Screaming Gophers!
Jason: Couldn't have asked for a better team. Jett? Very talented. Lisa? Brains. Darcy? Tactics. Everybody's bringing something to the table
Jett: Whoa, on the same team with Jason… I hope I don't fall off with another wind-user on the team. I've got to show them I've got my own talents
Lisa: This team feels like a slice of a high-school campus. Beautiful people and social rejects, and then there's me, the nerdy girl who's trying to find herself in the middle of it all.
Darcy: Jason will obviously be the leader, but behind every man is a girlboss who makes him OBEY. I'll have him wrapped around my finger by lunch. In your face, Stormy!
Amethyst: Everybody here looks so fun to be with! I can't wait for the Gophers to CRUSH it on the challenge!
Mabel: I love this team! I wish I could've teamed up with Ponyhead, but Seraphine and Amethyst are so pretty, too!
Seraphine: I can see us becoming a cacophony of voices blending into a beautiful symphony that will leave everyone SHOOK!
Barry: This better be the better team or I'm fining you, Chris!
Patrick: Whoever's the owner of the white yacht, you left the jacuzzi on
Brian: Not Raymond, God, I hope I don;t do anything embarrassing
Raymond: Brian's acting weird. I honestly thought we'd get along well
Chris: The rest of you: Hermione! Arthur! Sasha! Sans! LSP! Ponyhead! Cyborg! Bakugou! Gray! Gaara! Baljeet! You are the new Killer Bass!
Hermione: Our team definitely has the advantage in magic. We got three of four wizards, and two magical creatures, plus several elemental mages. This is an edge we must press on if we are to conquer
Arthur: The magic our team together possesses. It fills me with Determination
Sans: Arthur scares me
Cyborg: Go team! Meatball Party when we win!
Sasha: He had me at "meat"!
LSP: We're in safe hands, we got all these cute boys ready to risk life and limb for me!
Ponyhead: Move over, Shan Chai! It's Boys over Ponies now!
Baljeet: With this team and my candy-colored organizer, there's nothing we can't do!
Gaara: I needed to take the other boys for a little talk. I need to make it clear that cooperation is necessary for this team to win
Bakugou: I'm not working with that popsicle!
Gray: I'm not working with that walking dumpster-fire!
Gaara: Well, I think our talk went well, right boys?
[An explosion rocks the outhouse]
Gaara: I MIGHT have to be a bit more hands-on with them…
[The 22 are led to the cabins]
Chris: These are your cabins. Like in our original season, Gophers take the east cabin and Bass take the west. Each cabin has a boys and girls side. The Communal Bathrooms are the only area with electricity.
[Gophers Cabin, Girls Side]
Darcy: Bunk beds? Seriously?
Jett: It is a summer camp
Mabel: I call top bunk!
Amethyst: I'll the one under Mabel
Lisa: I'd like a top bunk too
Jett: That's cool, I spend most of the day high up already anyway
Seraphine: Would you like the top bunk, too, Darcy?
Darcy: Of course I don't want the botI- Yes, Sera, I do. Can I call you Sera?
Seraphine: Of course!
Darcy: I'm already eyeing Seraphine for a potential ally. An idealist is an ideal partner for me, easy to steer
Darcy: An hour before the mess hall assembly. How do we kill time?
Lisa: I know! Seraphine, Do you do jazz? [pulls out saxophone]
[Gophers Cabin, Boys Side]
Barry: Something's terribly wrong, there's only four beds. That's it, I'm fining the interns!
Raymond: Ah, yes, but there is an exquisite three-storey cat apartment by the corner. Brian and I can share, right Brian?
Brian: Um, yeah, sure…
Brian: I REALLY don't like where this is going
Brian: On second thought, just have the cathouse to yourself, Ray, I think Patrick's ok with a bottom bunk, anyway
Patrick: I get nightmares about spiders on top bunks
Raymond: Thanks! I wanted to put my books on the bottom of the house anyway [Pulls out several books and magazines]. I'd simply get bored to death without my books!
Brian: What did you bring there?
Raymond: Entomology, Bird-Watching and fishing. I thought they'd be useful later on. Of course, I also have all of your books
Brian: Did you buy them on Amazon? Kindle?
Raymond: No, here's the funny thing. They were selling for fifty cents at some bookstore, the whole "Brian Griffin Bibliography". It was a steal!
Barry: Ouch
Jason: Well, look on the bright side, Brian. You could get a retrospective, like the Roman writers during the Renaissance
Barry: What did you bring, Patrick?
Patrick: [pulls out jellyfishing nets, AirGumTM a dozen Krabby Patties, an empty jar, and wads of gum]
Barry: Are you into bug catching? They might have some exotic species here
Patrick: Oh, no. These are for Jellyfishing.
Barry: Wha- Oh, that's right
Raymond: Butterflies, tarantulas, I have a lot of things I want to photograph and collect while I'm here
Patrick: When's lunch?
Barry: We should be getting it at the mess hall in half an hour and not a minute more or less
Jason: Do you guys hear jazz music?
Brian: You're right. That must be Lisa. She's really good at the saxophone. And Seraphine's singing along with it
Raymond: A free concert! This island just keeps getting better!
[Bass Cabin, Girls Side]
LSP: Four girls only? Great! We get to keep a whole bed to ourselves!
Ponyhead: Gurl, we're sharing the top bunk and keeping our stuff at the bottom! I can't sleep in a big bed alone!
Hermione: We're right here, Ponyhead
Ponyhead: I mean I snuck in my phone here and I want to binge watch Move to Heaven with her
LSP: [Gasps] OK! We're doing it your way
Hermione: [shakes head] They're going to be more unruly than the Patil Twins when they got their Sneakoscopes
Sasha: I believe you guys slept in bunks at Hogwarts too, right?
Hermione: Sort of. The dorms were more spacious and weren't bunk beds
Sasha: Well, this is already more accommodating than the dorms for new SC recruits. The beds are cozy
Hermione: It must be so fascinating to live in a land where giants haven't become an endangered species yet
Sasha: [shakes her head] Titans, Hermione. A completely different species, and far more violent than the giants you guys have in the UK
Hermione: Right, that was foolish of me
Sasha: But it must be so cool to live in worlds where magic supplants technology. You guys seem to have an easier time fending off enemies.
Hermione: Well, I wouldn't say supplant, more like supplemented. There are scientists in Ooo and rudiments of science in Mewni now that Magic has become less powerful there. I myself am devising a new course that discusses the overlaps of magic and science in Hogwarts
Sasha: Can food be created via your magics?
Hermione: Not Wizard Magic, it violates Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. We cannot create food, objects or body parts removed by Dark Magic out of nothing
Sasha: So magic really just manipulates what already exists?
Hermione: Right! Like I can't create a plate of meat from thin air, but I have spells for multiplying what food already exists
LSP: My magic ain't so flashy, but I'm super essential. Lumps govern the balance among the elements
Hermione: Fire, Ice-
LSP:... Slime and Candy, right!
Hermione: I- [completely bewildered by this fact]
Ponyhead: My unicorn horn can blast out magic energy: I can't cast spells like my friend Star, tho. It also doubles as my multipurpose limb. Watch [The horn spins and turns into a mascara brush]. Anyway, when's grub?
Sasha: Right! I'm starving
Hermione: Let me see, the itinerary says lunch is served at the Mess Hall in fifteen minutes…
[Bass Cabin, Boys Side]
Arthur: Ah, bunk beds! This will really build a young man's character
Gray: Yeah, there's just one problem… There's just six bunks. Two of us will have to share a bunk
Gaara: Why don't you share it with Bakugou? After all, it builds character
Bakugou: I AM NOT SHARING A BUNK WITH ICICLE BREATH OVER THERE, AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS SUGGEST THAT AGAIN, I'LL FRY YOUR FACE, MR. KITTYLITTER!
Cyborg: Oh, snap!
[Bakugou punches Gaara. Sand blocks the way. This repeats several times until Bakugou gets exhausted]
Sans: Not to interrupt you lovebirds, but I can sleep anywhere. It's a talent of mine. I'll just take that cozy-looking couch over there
Gaara: Mr. Kittylitter? [suppressing laughter]
Arthur: [Pats Gaara on the shoulder] The nerve! But Mr. Bakugou certainly has the energy to match his temperament
Cyborg: Baljeet and I'll take that bunk over there!
Gaara: Gray and Bakugou, you're still going to work on your getting along, so you take that bunk
Arthur: Which leaves you and me.
Gaara: I guess…
Arthur: Do any of you boys fancy some tea before lunch? We've still fifteen minutes, and I have Earl Grey and a portable heater…
[Cyborg and Baljeet join in. Gray and Bakugou are napping. Gaara creates a tea table and chairs with sand. Sans is asleep]
[Mess Hall]
Baljeet: Wait, where's the scary lunch lady, er man?
Sans: Yeah, I was looking forward to his comebacks
Arthur: Hmm, this is a mystery
Lisa: Murder on the Wawanakwa Express?
Brian: [sniffs] I was thinking more The Sign of the Four-Week Old Mystery Meat mush
[Sans and Arthur laugh]
Arthur: Come now, the food can't be that bad
Sasha: Maybe I can scout around and look for him. In the meantime, Hermione, maybe you can multiply the food stash I brought so we can all have a decent, humanitarian lunch before embarking?
Hermione: That's kind of you, Sasha. We'll wait for you… well, most of us [looks at Patrick and Mabel]
[In the woods]
Sasha: Chef Hatchet? Hello?
Chef: Psst! You there, girl!
Sasha: Chef? What are you doing here? We were looking forward to your cooking!
Chef: Y'all can't possibly be serious
Sasha: It's better than frozen horse carcasses
Chef: Well, I didn't go MIA for that. Listen. We're doing somethin' new this season! Individual Challenges. You're in line to win Invincibility this week if you can do my Challenge!
Sasha: Oh, goody! What's the challenge?
Chef: You must cook all the meals for the week, and no one must notice it ain't me cooking! If you win, you get Invincibility and cannot be Evicted. Lose, and you get nothing to eat for the rest of the week!
Sasha: Wow, that's a tough gamble. But I accept!
Chef: You can get one other camper as a helper, but if anyone else notices it ain't me cooking, you lose! You got that, scout?
Sasha: Loud and clear sir!
[Mess Hall]
Chris: Guys, Chef's quarantining himself from us for suspected COVID, so he'll prepare the meals but the food will be served buffet-style
Jett: Cool. You want pizza?
Chris: Where did you all get this- Nevermind, yes, I'm starving too
Darcy: You expect us to eat food prepared by an infected chef?!
Chris: Do you really think that the virus will SURVIVE on THIS slop?
Darcy: Point taken
Sasha: Hey guys! Couldn't find Chef at all
Arthur: Well, no wonder, the poor man's come down with COVID
Sasha: Uh-huh
Chris: Anyways, meet me at the campfire in half an hour for your FIRST CHALLENGE!
Sasha: Gee, who could possibly be my best helper for my challenge? I need a great cook, but if Chef's food is terrible…
Sasha: Arthur, could I have a moment?
Arthur: Certainly, Miss Braus
Sasha: So you see, there's this individual challenge…
[Sasha whispers her explanation]
Arthur: Ah, I see! I'd be happy to help you out, Sasha. We'll serve the other campers a week of the finest British cuisine!
Sasha: Wait, that's not- [Arthur runs off to the campfire] Uh-oh.
Ponyhead: What do you think they'll make us do?
Cyborg: Gurl, it's the first challenge. How bad can it be?
[Everyone is standing on top of a cliff overlooking the lake]
Cyborg: Oh, snap
Chris: It's the challenge that started it all! Dive down the thousand foot cliff, retrieve the much-needed parts in the water and assemble the mystery gift at the cabins! Watch out for Fang!
Jett: Who?
[A mutant shark rises out of the water and waves at them]
Cyborg: Bruh, that shark's got hands
Brian: This is madness
Amethyst: I know, right? I love it!
Chris: The team that finishes the challenge first will get to keep and use
LSP: The hot tub?!
Chris: No! The hot tub's already behind the Communal Bathrooms and will be accessible to the winning team of the week only! This mystery gift is something new! Oh yeah, all powers are nerfed! Your inhibitor chips will limit your powers to 5% capacity!
Jett: When did you put the chips?! We all just got here hours ago
[Flashback to Chef in a ninja outfit sneaking into everyone's bedrooms to inject them with the chip at the back of their necks]
Chris: Trade secret! Your powers will grow back by 5% a week, to give the non-powered peeps a chance. They can keep you, or boot you early to avoid fighting you at the Merge!
Jason: Alright, Gophers. I think Jett and I should go last. We'll use our powers to cushion everyone falling. The first one to go should be someone who can scare the sharks off
Amethyst: Leave it to me, Jason! [shapeshifts into a small Kraken] I just hope 5%'s enough
Darcy: Sharks should fall for illusions easily, but
Amethyst: But?
Darcy: I kinda don't want to get my hair wet
Jett: You're joking, right?
Amethyst: Ugh, fine. I'll shapeshift into a parachute hair cap, but you'll have to fight the sharks off yourself, Dars!
Darcy: No problem, I WANT that hot tub!
Barry: Luckily I don't have superpowers, my Empoleon should help Darcy pave the way! I CHOOSE YOU!
[a Piplup comes out]
Seraphine: Aww, it's so precious!
Barry: Wha-
Chris: I nerfed Barry as well, I swapped his Empoleon for a Piplup belonging to his friend Dawn!
Barry: NO! That's the most hard-headed, scatter-brained, unlucky Piplup ever!
[Piplup starts pecking Barry]
Barry: Youch!
Darcy: Looks strong enough to me
Lisa: Alright, remember to gather yourselves in and minimize your surface area
Patrick: Could you repeat that
Lisa: Make yourself small!
Patrick: Oh, Ok!
Arthur: Alright, Bass! We can make this easier by all jumping together holding hands in a circle!
Ponyhead: Ahem
Arthur: Cyborg, hold Ponyhead in some compartment of yours
Cyborg: Can do, Captain!
Gaara: Sasha, I have a backup plan, but I need you to listen to me carefully
Sasha: [nods]
Gray: If all else fails, I'll try to freeze the water
Hermione: No! That'd make it worse
Bakugou: Yeah, dumbass, what she said!
Gray: This is nuts
Chris: Oh, I'm ready to see them do something REALLY stupid
Chef: Can I use the tennis launcher at 'em?
Use these Strawpoll Codes to Vote!
Who Will Win the Weekly Challenge?
/2w45egoze
Will Sasha win her individual challenge?
/4234vrb3y