Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or the characters.

I like how this story is turning out. It really gets me inspired to continue the other one-shots I have planned.

Enjoy!

Chapter 5: Between Father and Son

Gojyo was wolfing down play after plate of eggs while Hakkai stood in front of the stove humming softly. Koumyo sat at the end of the table sipping coffee while Sanzo, for some reason, kept shifting his eyes back and forth between Hakkai and his father. Hakkai walked over with two plates of sausage and eggs and set it down in front of Sanzo and then Koumyo.

"Ah, it looks great. I shamefully admit it's been a long time since I've made myself breakfast. I usually grace my presence at the diner down the road if I require a morning meal," Koumyo said picking up his fork.

"Do you cook ever? You have no groceries when we get here, and I haven't seen you open the fridge once. You're going to starve at this rate!" Gojyo said between mouthfuls. Sanzo remained silent as he continued to stare at his father. Hakkai noticed it and became worried.

"Sanzo? Are you all right? Aren't you hungry?" He asked the blond. Before he could raise a hand and put it on Sanzo's shoulder, his wrist was grabbed. Sanzo glared heatedly at his father before he clenched his teeth and bared them like an animal.

"What did you do to Hakkai?" He hissed at his father. Hakkai froze just as Gojyo raised his fork back to his mouth. He stared in confusion among all three of them.

"Um . . . Did I miss something?" Gojyo asked them with narrowed eyes.

Koumyo calmly put his coffee cup down as he regarded his son.

"I kissed him," was all he said. It was at that set of words that Sanzo moved. He rose from the table so fast that it knocked over his coffee and sent it spilling onto the floor. Hakkai quickly moved, placing himself in front of Sanzo just as his back hit Koumyo's chest. Gojyo moved from his chair but didn't stir, not knowing what was going on. He raised his hands and kept them there as he stared back and forth at Sanzo and Hakkai. Koumyo face remained neutral and Sanzo only continued to glare at his father.

"Sanzo, stop! Listen to me!" Hakkai nearly pleaded. The grip on his wrist began to tighten, and he winced in pain. Koumyo saw this, and his face changed.

"Genjyo! Stop, you're hurting him," he told his son strictly. Sanzo looked up to where he had been grabbing Hakkai's wrist and immediately stopped squeezing. He stared his father down a few more moments until he pulled Hakkai away and out of the kitchen. Koumyo and Gojyo were left at the table staring in confusion after them. Gojyo having no clue what was going on looked at Koumyo in confusion.

"What the hell is going on around here?"

Hakkai struggled to keep up as Sanzo pulled him away and up to a path on the side of the house. He finally let go of Hakkai, and the brunette struggled not to fall as he was released. He fell against Sanzo's chest, and hands quickly migrated to his shoulders to hold him up straight. It forced him to look directly into angry purple eyes. He had never seen Sanzo look so fierce in a long time.

"Did he touch you?" The blond hissed through his teeth. Hakkai took in the image before him. Sanzo's jaw tightened, and his hair looked wild with the morning light. His frame was nearly shaking, and Hakkai could almost swear he saw fear over the other's face. Hakkai's mouth opened a few times, but no words came out. This seemed to frustrate his blond-haired lover.

"Answer me!" He yelled, his voice echoing in the woods around him. Hakkai composed himself and stood up straight on his own. He gently took the hands off of his shoulders that were starting to squeeze his skin.

"No, he didn't touch me, and yes; he kissed me."

Hakkai let the words sink in for a moment, but he didn't let Sanzo open his mouth.

"He did it to prove that I wouldn't hurt you. That I was right for you, not like that other boy."

Sanzo's mouth shut swiftly as his eyes narrowed. Hakkai remained calm, but on the inside, his heart threatened to burst from his chest.

"He told you?" Was all the blond mumbled. Hakkai nodded gravely as he raised his sore wrist and started to rub it.

"Yes, he did."

They remained silent for a few more minutes. Nothing but the sounds of birds and the woods resonated through their ears. The green-eyed man felt his heart slow down a tad as Sanzo's breath deepened but sounded much calmer. Hakkai watched Sanzo look at the ground and do nothing. If the brunette had to guess, the blond appeared deeply conflicted.

"I knew he would do this . . . I knew it. He just lives to fuck me up . . . Me and everything I care about," The fair-haired seemed to say to himself. Hakkai frowned and tilted his head. Slowly, he moved his hand under the blond's chin to make the man look at him. Sanzo's eyes seemed lost and lifeless as he stared at the brunette.

"That's not true Sanzo, and you know it."

Sanzo straightened just a bit, but he didn't lose that look in his eyes.

"I can't trust him. I knew, that if you came along, he would do something. He always has this way of making you feel loved and the next second he does something to make you hate him forever. I stopped talking to him . . . For years. He made me hate everything and everyone. He made me so distrustful...And every time I saw him, all I could see was him, sitting on the counter with my ex-boyfriend..."

Hakkai quickly set a finger to Sanzo's lips to silence him. The brunette gave Sanzo a stern look before he spoke, his green eyes strong.

"Do you love your father?" He asked. Sanzo blinked, and Hakkai couldn't help but think the lost look on the other's face as cute. It was a look he wasn't used to seeing on the other man. He lowered the finger on the blond's lips, so he could speak.

"I don't know . . ." Was his reply, voice a bit dull. Hakkai gave him a pointed look and sighed.

"Do you love your dad?" He asked again, a little more sternly. Sanzo rolled his eyes but heaved a deep sigh. He turned a bit away from Hakkai as he looked around the woods, as id searching for the answer out there. Hakkai though, waited patiently.

"...Yes..." he said quietly, if not sounding a bit defeated.

Coming to stand in front of the other, Hakkai brought up both his hands and gently cradled Sanzo's face in them.

"I don't agree with his methods. Not in the slightest. However, I can almost understand why he did it. He has this strange way of testing people. It just so happens that it involves a little...Touching," Hakkai said with a bit of a grimace.

He saw the angry look cross Sanzo's face but quickly spoke before he could voice it.

"Regardless Sanzo, he loves you very much. And the only reason he did those things in the past was to protect you from someone he thought wasn't right for you. Even so, in the end it made you distrustful of both, him and the people around you."

Hakkai gently smoothed his fingers over the blond's cheeks. He moved the pads of his thumbs under the other's eyes, tracing the stressful lines there. He moved his face a little closer until his breath was over the other's lips.

"And I don't say it enough, but I love you. The last thing I would ever do is hurt you or Gojyo. You saved my life, both of you. And I told your father how much you meant to me. I'm glad you let yourself love again. Don't let your relationship with him fail because of the past. Sit with him, talk to him. Let him at least have his words. Then you can decide how you feel. Please? For me?" He begged softly.

Sanzo's face smoothed out at the words. The wind blew around them, making the trees sing as leaves fell from the branches. His lover's figure was still a bit tense but much more at ease than previous. Hakkai felt warmth enter his chest as two pale arms came around him and held him around the hips. A set of lips pressed against his ear lobe, and the brunette closed his eyes. Hakkai couldn't help but smile slightly as Sanzo's trademark huff coated the side of his face.

"I'll try," was all the other man said.

Inwardly, Hakkai smiled also. He knew this was hard for the blond after so many years of avoidance. Nevertheless, he could hear it in Sanzo's voice. He loved his father; he just didn't know how to approach him or tell him how much it hurt. How Koumyo forced a barrier between them. However, the brunette would smooth it over. He wanted to, because he loved Sanzo.

If Hakkai had to call it something, he would call it literally dragging. He held a tight grip on the blonde's hand as he led them back inside the house toward the kitchen. Sanzo seemed a bit resistant but compliant as they entered the doorway. Gojyo was sitting at the table tapping his fingers on the surface, his chin in this other hand. Koumyo was sitting at the table, and his head immediately came up along with the rest of his body as they came into the kitchen. Father and son stared at each other in uncertainty so Hakkai made the first move. He gently released Sanzo's hand with a small squeeze of assurance as he walked toward the table. Gojyo sat confused still as the brunette walked over and pulled on his arm to get him up from his chair.

"Gojyo, it's so nice outside. Why don't we go for a walk while these two chat? Hmm?" The green-eyed man said pleasantly as he nearly dragged Gojyo for the front door.

"Hey, are you going to tell me what the hell's going on here? Because man, I'm sick of being left in the dark," he whined. Hakkai only gave him a strained smile as he laced fingers with the taller. Gojyo didn't seem too much in protest after that.

"I'll tell you all about it on our walk. But for now let's enjoy the scenery, shall we?" Gojyo still seemed a bit miffed, but Hakkai would fulfill his promise on filling him in. He looked back quickly to see that Sanzo and Koumyo had both sat down at the table. They were both quiet for a moment until Hakkai went close the door behind him. Before it closed completely, Hakkai heard the words that made him smile in slight relief.

"Dad . . . We need to talk," Sanzo started to say, voice low and almost angry.

"Yes . . . I believe I have some explaining to do," his father replied softly.

A little content at the moment, Hakkai held Gojyo's hand as he walked up the identicle path Sanzo, and he had been on that same morning.

Both men heard the front door close. Sanzo's eyes briefly flicked to it to make sure that Hakkai had taken Gojyo outside, there was no need to involve them both further. Koumyo took in a deep breath as if to speak, but Sanzo cut him off.

"Why did you touch Hakkai?" Was the first thing he said. Koumyo closed his mouth as he let a frown grace his features. He studied his son's profile carefully. It seemed Sanzo is all business at the moment. Like a true detective, Sanzo held his posture rigid, back straight and eyes sharp and intense. It made his pupils seem small and unwavering and inwardly, Koumyo was proud that the detective gene for investigation had passed so swiftly downward. However, this was different, the younger blond wasn't investigating him; he was laying down the law He wanted answers, and Koumyo doubted he cared about the small details behind his meanings.

"I was testing him, but I'm sure he told you everything," his father said lightly. Sanzo narrowed his eyes as one of his index fingers tapped the table.

"Not everything. Only that you kissed him. But if you had gone farther, even with Gojyo, I might have had to kick your ass," Sanzo hissed. Koumyo sighed deeply and nodded.

"I'm sure you wanted to years ago the first time I did it," he said. Sanzo's face changed and it became harder, his fist clenching on the surface of the table. Koumyo actually worried when he saw a vein tense on the side of his son's neck.

"Genjyo . . . " Koumyo started to reach out toward him.

The sound of a slap resonated around the kitchen. Koumyo remained stunned as the hand he had used to reach out to his son with was slapped to the side. Sanzo's face never changed as he slowly but swiftly brought his hand back to the table.

"Don't touch me. Not until we're done talking," He yelled out. Koumyo remained still as his hand ached by his side. He crushed down the cold feeling in his chest as best he could and fought to keep his voice from wavering.

"I really hurt you . . . Didn't I Genjyo?" Koumyo couldn't help but whisper. As much as he tried to hide it, the older man couldn't help it when his eyes slightly misted over.

"You have every right to hate me. If you not talking to me for years has said anything...Its told me how much you must have resented me. After never having friends...Finally getting a boyfriend only for me to...To do that . . . I don't blame you for not wanting to see me," The older blond said. He swallowed hard and looked up at his son.

"I'm sorry . . . I made . . . I made a terrible mistake that day. But Genjyo, know this, I never would have done it if I felt that boy was right for you. You have to know that," he pleaded. Sanzo remained quiet as he let the words sink in. He took in his father's anxious features and didn't know how to handle it. He didn't seem it, but his heart was racing. He had never in his life seen his father look so afraid.

Don't let your relationship with him fail because of the past. Sit with him, talk to him. Let him at least have his words. Then you can decide how you feel. Please? For me?

Sanzo let Hakkai's words remind him about what he wanted to say. What for years he wanted to tell his father, blame the man for, how that event so many years ago had shaped his adult hood and how he had let all his trust for people around him flutter into nothing.

He opened his mouth and let the words spill out.

"I hate you," he said swiftly. The look on Koumyo's face could only be described as crushed. Before he let the meaning become too harsh, Sanzo continued.

"I hated you for so long. I felt like I'd been stabbed. That the one person I had trusted more in this world would do that to me, my own father. When I figured out I liked men, it took every ounce of my strength to open up. I was relieved when I brought home a boyfriend, and you weren't mad."

Sanzo looked at the tabletop, and Koumyo remained silent. Mindlessly, Sanzo ran his fingers over the glossy surface over the table as he reached into his memories.

"I had such a hard time opening up to people. I must've gone through at least five partnerships since I joined the force. People said I had a connection problem. That I couldn't relate with my partners enough to work well with them. Until Gojyo came along, I debated whether I should still be a detective. When we started hooking up, I kept it simple. It was only sex, I never allowed myself to feel anything more than that. I always imagined if I told you about someone I was with emotionally, you would just show up and try to get them in bed."

"Genjyo . . . " Koumyo said faintly. Sanzo quickly put his finger up to silence him, and it worked. Koumyo forced himself to remain quiet and listen.

"The problem was; I started feeling something for that idiot. And when Hakkai came along, I finally knew how it felt to moreover be in a relationship. I forced myself to never see you so that you couldn't ruin it for me. I wanted to live like that."

Sanzo's eyes briefly flickered out the window, and he realized how much he had missed the silence of country living. There were no car horns or the sound of people walking the streets here.

"Hakkai was the one who wanted to come. Truth be told, I wanted nothing to do with you. But . . . I didn't want to lose either of them," he spoke.

He looked at his father until their eyes seemed glued to each other.

"Please, please don't make it, so I can't come back here. Every time I walk into this kitchen, all I can see is what you did. I don't have much left. I see now how good my life is with Hakkai and Gojyo. It gets crazy, between work and home, I get aggravated and I get angry, but it's my life and I have those two to make it bearable. Hakkai almost died once, and I'd never felt so empty in my life. It was at that moment; I finally understood that I could trust somebody again. That losing either Hakkai or Gojyo now would ruin me. Just like how that event ruined our relationship for the longest time."

Koumyo remained silent as time more so in shock then fear. He had not once heard Sanzo open up to him so emotionally before. He never got to hear how what he did hurt his son so much. He swallowed a hard lump in his throat before clearing it.

"You really love them don't you?" He said with a smile. Sanzo closed his eyes as he leaned back in his chair as if exhausted.

"Never thought I could again, but I do. It took a murder case to do it. Hakkai was so... Kind. I thought it was some kind of trick. People shouldn't be so compassionate or warm like him. Even Gojyo, I thought he was just another hard ass that wanted nothing but sex from me. But they both have this weird quirk about them. It's hard to explain, but I get it," he shrugged. Koumyo nodded in understanding.

"I'm sorry I did such a terrible thing. I didn't realize, you are how you are because of what I did. You had trust issues, and that's my fault. If I could go back in time, I would've done it differently, knowing what I did to you. What no parent should ever do to their child just to prove a point. Eventually, I'm sure; you would've broken up with that boy, but it seems I ruined your first illusion of love. Hell, for all I know you could've ended up with that boy still," Koumyo shrugged.

Sanzo narrowed his eyes as he leaned forward and set both his hands clasped together on top of table.

"Whatever happened to him?" Sanzo couldn't help but ask. Of course after the incident, Sanzo had punched the other in the jaw and told him he never wanted to see his face again.

"Well, he went to the hospital after you punched him, broke his jaw. He had to drop out of high school because he had gotten his classmate pregnant and needed to find work. Eventually, though, and sadly, he abandoned them both shortly before the baby was born. Last I heard; he had been caught selling drugs and is currently in prison," Koumyo said like he was explaining the weather. Sanzo's eyes didn't change, but his mind was working.

"This isn't going to change how I felt. But at least I know that he was partly to blame also."

He let his eyes wander the kitchen for a moment.

"And the girl with the kid?"

"Oh, she found a nice young man. They've been married now for quite a while. I believe she's due for her third child with him currently," Koumyo explained.

Suddenly feeling tired Sanzo raised a hand and dragged it through his hair. He set his elbow on the table and let his chin rest in his hand.

"Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?" Koumyo said softly, almost afraid that the question would be thrown back in his face. Sanzo looked up at him as his face remained neutral.

"I just wanted you to understand what you did to me. I love those idiots, and that's all that matters. Now let's just get on with our lives. Hakkai told me life was too short to hold grudges," the blond said roughly. His father nodded and smiled.

"He's a very smart man. He's good for you, Gojyo too. It sounds like he's been through a lot in life to know the right thing to say...He certainly told me off, and he's half my age but years my senior!" Koumyo noted. Sanzo nodded stiffly.

"He has. I won't go into detail, but he's been through more shit than half of my victims. I'll tell you the full story someday, but for now, I'm sick of feeling sick over this. I feel like I could go back to bed," the blond grunted. Koumyo nodded and looked at the clock.

"You did get up early, which is unusual for you. And those two will have been on their walk now for about an hour. I appreciate Hakkai giving us the opportunity to speak. I'm glad you brought him here for me to meet."

The older blonde carefully reached across the table to Sanzo's hand. He gently set his own over it and squeezed the fingers, noticing how similar they looked to his own. Sanzo slowly but surely flipped his hand until his father's fingers brushed over his palm. It was warm, it always had been warm, ever since he was a small child.

"Can you ever forgive me?" Koumyo couldn't help but ask. Sanzo's eyes flicked from their hands back to his father's eyes. Slowly, his posture slumped and he curled his fingers to meet his fathers.

"Yeah, you're forgiven . . . I feel. . . better now, strangely. I guess all this talking shirt really works," the blond mumbled out. Having held them back for so long, Koumyo let some stray tears go down his face as he squeezed his son's hand.

"Thank you Genjyo. You have no idea, how long I've waited to say I'm sorry."

Sanzo looked up and frowned as he saw his father quietly cry. Still holding his tough outer exterior, he rose from his chair to meet his father on the other side of the table. He pulled the man upward and enveloped him in a strong hug, something he had been wanting to do for years now.

"I'm sorry for making it so that you couldn't for so long."

Hakkai had taken Gojyo on a lengthy walk, giving them ample time before they had to return to Sanzo and his father. As promised, Hakkai filled Gojyo in on everything. Gojyo also seemed a little angry at what Koumyo had done, but in his own mystical way he surprised Hakkai by understanding.

Go figure.

Debating whether they should return yet, both decided to make their way back to the house. Hakkai was relieved and happy to see both blondes sitting on the front porch in the lounge chairs. Each had a respectable cup of coffee by them, and Sanzo's figure seemed a lot less tense. Koumyo also seemed very happy, as if a weight had been lifted. Koumyo raised his hand as both Hakkai and Gojyo returned to the porch.

"There you both are. I was afraid I was going to have to send Sanzo into the woods looking for you both," he smiled.

"Nah, prissy pants would have complained about too much mud and turned his ass around. He's a bit of a pussy when it comes to getting dirty," Gojyo spoke up plopping himself onto a chair.

"Fuck you," Sanzo said tiredly.

"Language," Koumyo said almost happily more so than scolding. Hakkai took a seat next to Gojyo, and he couldn't help turning his gaze to Koumyo. The man caught his eye and gave him a grateful smile, eyes shining in suppressed happiness.

That's when Hakkai knew, everything was going to be okay.

TBC