Clint enjoyed watching happy Hulk, or at least less angry Hulk; caught up in a weight lifting competition with some of the Asgardian warriors, the Big Guy held a table laden with food and people high above his head to a raucous round of applause. Then he sat it down gently on the floor and proceeded to smash his mug into the hearth, the shattered pieces joining the growing pile of crockery. The evening, no make that early morning, was turning out to be much more entertaining than Clint had expected. Everyone was downright drunk, except for Steve who was exceedingly mellow, and successfully not dwelling on the fight upon their return home. Leaning back against a railing, feet propped on a table, Clint swirled the blue liquid in his glass, nursing it slowly as he surveyed the room.
"So, exactly how does sex work with the Big Green Guy? Inquiring minds want to know." Tony took the seat next to him, waving his half-empty glass, voice loud enough to be heard over the party din. The conversations stopped at their table and ears tuned in for the answer.
"Tony," Steve warned in his best Captain America voice, giving Stark a stern look from where he sat next to the very hot Lady Sif. Not that Clint had noticed, but, yeah, she was exceptional. He did have a soft spot for kickass women. Tony had already chatted her up earlier to a very frosty reception; her obvious interest in Steve had made for some very amusing moments that Clint took great pleasure in pointing out. And now Tony was getting payback; he ignored Steve and ploughed ahead.
"I mean, really, come on, Katniss. Kiss and tell." He leaned his elbows on the table and put his chin in his hands, a shit-eating grin across his face. Clint simply gave him an enigmatic smile and took a sip.
"Clint and the Bruce?" Thor's voice carried even further; Clint started to feel like a target in the crosshairs, which, of course, was what Tony wanted. He would not blush, damn it. "You are mates!" He swung a hand and caught Clint across the shoulders, thumping Clint's back, pushing him forward in his seat. "Good. This means I win the wager!"
"Sorry, but that would be me," Steve injected. "Singapore, six days ago. I called that date."
"Ah, well, ummm…" Clint hedged, glancing over to see if the Big Guy had heard. Last thing he needed with the Hulk getting in on the conversation because, truthfully, Clint had no idea what would come out of the Hulk's mouth. Or Bruce's either. Yeah, best if he handled this himself. This could get awkward pretty fast.
"Oh, god, Thor, is that what you said to Jane a few weeks ago? Called her your mate?" Natasha popped another piece of fruit into her mouth off the seemingly self-replenishing platters around them. "That would explain why she wasn't talking to you." For most of the evening, Fandral had cozied up to Tasha; no one had the heart to tell him that she was pretty much out of his league, and that her current boyfriend, the one they weren't supposed to know about, was probably a keeper. She'd actually glowed when she covertly exchanged coded texts with him.
"Is it not something I should say? I simply meant that I care for her and wish to be with her." Thor looked confused. "I do not understand the Midgardian language." He drained his cup and filled it up again from the ornate ewer on the table. Clint had long ago lost count of how many of those ewers they'd emptied. He only knew that he'd slowed down considerably while Tony and Thor … and the Hulk …. kept emptying them.
"Mate is a word we'd use for animals, like a lioness is the lion's mate." Natasha supplied. "We'd also used it for scientific descriptions or when sex is just for procreation."
"Well in Australia, they use it to mean friend," Clint added helpfully.
"She thought I was saying I only wish to have sex with her?" Now Thor seemed uncomfortable. "That is not what I meant. I do not understand. Why did she not say something?"
"The silent treatment is a classic female strategy," Tony said. "You can't get some of them to shut up about some things and then they won't talk about others. One of the many mysteries that is woman. And why we find them so fascinating."
"Better check the equipment, Tony," Clint laughed. "You just described yourself there. The mystery that is Tony Stark." He snorted as Tony glared at him.
"Tell her she's your girlfriend," Natasha offered. "That should smooth things over. And a really nice gift would help. A new gadget for her lab?" She winked at Clint, eyes sparkling with the fun of needling everyone.
"But she is not just a girl who is a friend." Thor thought about it while Tony drummed his fingers on the table, clearly unhappy about the turn of events.
"Look, if you love her, just tell her. That's the way to go. Be honest." Steve suggested. "Don't beat around the bush." At Thor's frown, he rephrased himself. "Don't assume she knows or will figure it out. Just tell her straight out." Clint watched Tony out of the corner of his eye; the arrogant slump of his shoulders never changed, but Stark's eyes were laser focused on Steve for a second.
"Besides, you'll get brownie points for saying it first," Clint added.
"Brownies? What do pixies have to do with it? Or do you mean those brown chocolate squares that are so good?" Thor asked.
Tony couldn't stand it any longer. He'd lost control and he knew it. "Hey, I was asking about the jolly green giant and Merida here. Did we forget that?" he protested.
"And you waited until the Hulk was busy to bring it up, didn't you?" Steve sat back in his chair and glared at Tony. "If you want to know about the team's sleeping arrangements, you should just ask."
"Girlfriend, love, those are both commitments though," Clint said to Thor, talking over Tony and Steve. "Means you're exclusive, having sex with her and nobody else. That's more permanent than Tony here who is, well, I'll be polite and say he plays the field." He grinned at Stark.
"Of course, you could call it dating," Steve said. "You know when you're interested in someone, maybe even attracted to them, and you decide to spend time together. Go to a movie, a nice dinner, take a picnic to the park, ride a rollercoaster. Get to know each other and decide if you want to be more than just friends." He glanced at the lounging Tony who was pouring more Asgardian liquor in his glass. "Not that I have any personal experience with dating, but that's what they did in my time."
"Dating. Yes, I like this word. I shall tell Jane I wish to take her to a park, maybe ride horses. She wishes to learn how."
"Horseback riding would be good. She'd like that. Just don't let her take Darcy with you." Natasha nodded as Fandral refilled her drink and Steve caught a roll from a passing tray. Tony pretended not to take note of Steve's comment; Steve winked at Clint across the table. Eyes widening, Clint took a quick sip to cover his surprise.
"And dating can also mean you're doing the horizontal mambo, if you both want to. And speaking of sex, are you and the Hulk dating?" Tony asked sweetly at Clint. "Or are you friends with benefits? Hooking up? Fuck buddies?"
"No, to all of the above," Clint replied. Tony was going to have to work to get a rise out of Clint. And it was true. He was sleeping with Bruce, not the Hulk. Sort of. Well, it was complicated.
A wave of noise came from the other side of the room; the Hulk and Volstagg were both balancing women on their shoulders, Volstagg singing loudly. Thor shouted encouragement, standing and heading to oversee the festivities. Sif touched Steve's arm, turning his attention away for a few moments. Tony leaned back beside Clint, isolating them from the others.
"Not that it bothers me, mind you," Tony said in a quieter voice. "I just don't like being the last to know these things. Puts me in a bad position."
"Tony, I doubt there's a position you haven't mastered." Clint covered his glass when Tony offered to refill it. They sat in silence for a few moments.
"You're both different you know." Tony suddenly seemed sober. "He's more in control tonight. And I hear that there are ways to stop the change or make it work for you." Clint was startled, and he shot a glance at Tasha who only shrugged and turned back to her own conversation. "Sorry to have missed the show. I'd have stayed and watched. Next time, make sure you're near a camera in the Tower. We'll make a fortune selling the video." He smirked, the drunk Tony back. "I'll also stock up on garlic bread and tiramisu for you."
"Jarvis?" Clint put the pieces together, and the computer AI was the only plausible source of information. There really were no secrets among the Avengers.
"The system is flagged to notify me about any Hulk damage in the city. The window is already replaced, by the way. And I can't wait to try their manicotti. They said they'd be glad to deliver." Another roar of laughter; the Hulk now was holding Volstagg and all the women aloft. "But if you think it's food and sex that's calming him, think again. The only new variable in Bruce's life recently is you. As much as I hate to admit it, you're good for him, and you damn well better not let it go to your head."
Clint thought about it for a few minutes. Tony had a point, but Clint would never tell him that because the man's ego was entirely too big for his iron suit already. From the Big Guy's almost appearance in Singapore to tonight's party, there just might be something to the theory. Scary as hell for him to think about; the part of him that failed at relationships started tying on running shoes, but another part of him sat quietly and pondered it all.
"And you're different too," Stark added. "You can pretend all you want that you were handling it, but you weren't. Trust me, I know a thing or two about fucked-up psyches. Alcohol works wonders, but I don't recommend it as a long-term solution." He clinked the ice in his now empty glass.
"Maybe you ought to find someone who can make a difference for you," Clint said quietly, treading lightly. Tony's only response was to pour another glass full and take a long drink, so he dropped the subject, pushing forward and getting ready to rise. "I'm done for. While you were doing science all afternoon, I was schmoozing at the endless cocktail party from hell. Time to hit the nest."
"You heading out? I think I'll join you. There's a lot to do tomorrow," Steve said, catching the movement. At Clint's nod, he stood as well and turned to make his good bye to Sif. Clint couldn't help himself.
"Art museums." He bent to speak in Tony's ear. "He likes art. Try a gallery opening or a special exhibit. Maybe more MOMA rather than Guggenheim." With that parting shot, he left Tony before he could reply and made his way over to where the Hulk was the center of a large circle of admirers. The Big Guy immediately noticed him and sat down the full bench he was hefting.
"Cupid want lift?" He asked. Clint shook his head, ignoring the curious stares of the Asgardians.
"No thanks, Big Guy. Just heading out. You stay and have fun."
Hulk's eye's narrowed. "Not alone."
"Cap's leaving too."
The Hulk nodded as Steve walked up. "Cap watch Cupid." He turned back as Thor balanced on top of a table that Volstagg was trying to lift.
"You need watching?" Steve raised an eyebrow at Clint as they headed out of the room, and Clint felt Loki's eyes on his back as he went.
"He is green, you know," Clint said, and the two men moved off together, quietly conversing.