1. Home
Charlie had been lying awake for a good two hours before he realised anything was wrong.
Over the last week and three days, since he had been out of hospital, Charlie had gotten into the habit of falling asleep quickly after getting into bed, but then waking up in the middle of the night, not necessarily wide awake but unable to go back to sleep.
He had not been plagued with the same horrible nightmares as his boyfriend - he would of course, gladly trade places in an instant - but ever since the cabin, ever since Ryan Kane had dragged them both through hell and back, Charlie definitely found the darkness and the quiet much more unsettling than before.
At some point earlier in the night, he and Nick had ended up sprawled on opposite sides of the bed, the sweltering heat of Paris in the summer forcing them apart, the duvet kicked off them.
It had been a long week.
Exciting and fun and freeing - and exactly what they had both needed.
But long and tiring.
Everything was more tiring for Charlie nowadays, and it hadn't taken long for him and Nick to realise that maybe they'd been a bit hasty when they'd fought so hard to still go on this trip.
After Charlie's long stretch in hospital, he had had three days at home.
Three.
In some ways it felt as if Charlie had gone straight from sitting around, bored out of his mind in hospital, to spending everyday walking around Paris in the sun and the heat.
The teachers in chaperoning the trip had both been informed of Charlie's new situation and therefore he was allowed certain privileges that others weren't - like taking the lift instead of climbing the stairs when they'd visited the Eiffel Tower. That had been all very well but Charlie would have climbed a thousand stairs if it meant he could go back to feeling normal - go back to feeling only slightly damaged and a bit different.
But tomorrow, they would be going back to their own homes and their own beds. Going back to sleeping alone. Back to not being together every second of every day.
The first cry was muffled in the pillow beneath his boyfriend's sleeping face.
Charlie turned to peer through the dim light filtering through the thin curtains. He could just about make out the shadowed shape of his favourite person in the whole world - and his favourite person in the whole world was currently curled around his pillow, crying openly in his sleep, every inch of him tense and trembling.
"Nick," Charlie whispered. He extended a hand to gently rub Nick's bare shoulder. "Nick, hey… Shhh, darling."
Charlie rolled to close the gap between them and stroke a hand through the tangled, sweaty mess of Nick's hair. At the feel of his touch, Nick shifted slightly in his sleep, and in doing so, moved his face so that Charlie could now see just how deeply his brow was furrowed, how tightly his eyes were screwed shut against whatever distressing memories his subconsciousness was forcing him to relive.
Nick let out another, much louder cry this time, and several tears chased each other sideways down his cheeks.
"Oh, Nick…"
Charlie leaned in further still and rested his forehead against Nick's. All the while, he never ceased his tender caresses over Nick's face and hair.
He planted several soft kisses over Nick's forehead, over his brow, the bridge of his nose… but still, Nick slept on, trapped somewhere Charlie could not follow.
Several of Charlie's own tears joined Nick's on the pillow beneath their heads.
"Shhh…" Charlie murmured softly, fighting to keep his own voice steady. "Shhh… You're okay, darling. You're okay…"
From across the other side of the room, Charlie vaguely heard the rustle of bed covers. He didn't glance around still, even when he heard Tao hiss sleepily, "Whazzamatter? Go back to sleep!"
Both Tao and Aled were peering at them blearily through the dark. Charlie was about to snap at his friends to shut up but then everything else fell away again -
Nick's brow finally smoothed out a little and his eyes opened, red-rimmed and wide with confusion and fear.
"Hey," Charlie whispered. Nick's familiar brown eyes were hazy and unfocused, but his hands sought purchase around the fabric of Charlie's pyjama top and successfully tangled themselves there. "It's okay, darling. We're okay. Do you know where you are?"
Nick grimaced miserably and shook his head, causing a few extra tears to escape. "Char?"
His voice was uneven and barely above a whisper. Charlie brushed Nick's fringe away from his eyes and cupped his face gently between his hands, helping Nick to focus on what was real.
"I'm right here, Nick. We're in Paris, remember? In the hotel. We're safe."
For a moment, Charlie watched Nick's eyes dart restlessly, searching Charlie's face until something clicked. He found Charlie's gaze and held it. The haze began to dissipate, and the brown eyes softened in realisation - and finally, Nick took a breath.
Charlie felt some of the tension release itself from Nick's shoulders, and indeed from his own.
With a heavy exhale, Nick flopped his forehead forward to rest against Charlie's, then wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace.
Charlie was here. Charlie was alive. Charlie was breathing.
Charlie was warm and soft, and they were in Paris.
"Is he alright?" Aled's murmured voice came from the other bed.
"He'll be fine," Charlie replied, not looking around, not wanting to let Nick go any time soon. "Just go back to sleep."
With his head buried over Charlie's steadily beating heart, Nick would have been quite content to stay there for the foreseeable future but, at Aled's quiet concern, he became very aware of the fact that both Tao and Aled had quite clearly just witnessed him bawling his eyes out in his sleep.
Nick was not used to crying in front of other people his age - except Charlie, of course.
And Charlie - sweet, amazing, wonderful Charlie - seemed to read Nick's discomfort in an instant.
"Come on," he said, sitting up and gently ushering Nick to do the same. "Let's go and get some fresh air."
Nick nodded meekly, unable to bring himself to form words just yet. He was still reeling from the residual emotions of seeing the boy beside him crumpled and bleeding onto the forest floor as Ryan Kane's heavy boot shattered his ribs and tore at his lungs.
"Nick?"
Charlie had walked around the bed to stand beside him. Nick blinked up at the t-shirt Charlie was offering him, his blue eyes filled with concern. Nick swallowed thickly and took it. As he hefted himself out of bed and shrugged on the t-shirt, he tried to rid his brain of what was false and focus on the truth in front of him.
The fabric fell around him and Charlie reappeared, just in time to reach up and ruffle Nick's hair. And then he extended a hand for Nick to take and led him swiftly from the room into the corridor beyond.
The short walk to the lifts helped drag Nick's mind the rest of the way back into the present - back into the excitement and freedom of being in a big city and away from their parents.
Nick didn't have time to consider where they might be going, even as he stood beside Charlie in the lift. They rode to the very top of the building and stepped out onto the roof.
"Huh," said Charlie. "It's not as big as I thought. We haven't been missing much really."
The Truham and Higgs students had been under strict instructions all week to stay away from the hotel's roof terrace. They had supposed the teachers had been worried that a group of rowdy teenagers might spoil the peaceful space for the rest of the hotel guests.
But right now, at whatever time of the morning it was, the roof terrace was entirely empty. The small square space was taken up by a few rickety wooden tables and a couple of plastic sun loungers thrown in one corner. A few fake plants were scattered here and there. All in all, it had a thoroughly neglected vibe.
Still, the fresh air was definitely helping and, as Nick sat down beside Charlie on one of the sun loungers, he felt himself relax exponentially.
The two of them laid back and observed the rooftops of Paris twinkling brightly around them, almost a satisfactory replacement for the stars they were blocking out.
"What's the time?" Nick asked as Charlie curled himself naturally around his side.
"Like 3am or something, I think."
"Oh." Nick leant his head sheepishly against Charlie's curls. The light breeze was lifting them so they tickled his nose a little - but he did not mind in the slightest. "I'm sorry for waking you up."
"You didn't, don't worry," said Charlie with a small smile. "But I wouldn't have minded if you had. That - that hasn't happened in a while, has it?"
Nick shook his head with a grimace. "Not since we've been in Paris, no. I was expecting them to maybe come back when we got home but…" Nick ran a hand through his hair, trying to wrap his mind around his own baffling subconscious. "It's not fair," he groaned. "I thought I was safe. Whenever I was sleeping beside you, I thought I was safe but now…"
"You're right," said Charlie, brow furrowed. "It's not fair at all. It never has been but now something has changed. Do you think - do you think maybe it's because of what we talked about the other day? When I fainted in the Louvre?"
"I dunno…" Nick sighed. "Maybe."
Charlie moved so he was more comfortable against Nick's side, his head pillowed on his shoulder. He was beginning to regret not picking up a jumper for himself, but Nick's arms were a much better substitute as they tightened more securely around him.
"You've been stressed about your dad and stressed about me," he said. "Don't give me that look, I know you have. We've both been dealing with stuff since we got here, and we've been tired. Both mentally and physically. Maybe all of that managed to manifest itself into your mental guard being down… at least while you're asleep."
Charlie watched Nick's expression morph into a twinkly-eyed kind of smile.
"What?" Charlie looked at him, bemused.
"Nothing," said Nick, but the smile had become more of a smirk. "You're just really great."
"Aww," Charlie cooed, blushing. "You're pretty wonderful yourself. Pretty, wonderful and… yourself. Which is my favourite part."
"Pfft!" Nick snickered. "And I was just admiring how articulate you are. On second thought, never mind."
"Hey!" Charlie giggled. "It's early, okay! My brain is not at full capacity yet."
"Okay, okay, I understand."
The intensity that had returned to Nick's gaze struck Charlie mid-giggle. Nick stroked a hand over Charlie's cheek as if mapping his features by touch as well as by sight.
"I love you, Nick," said Charlie, his breath caressing Nick's skin. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
Nick kissed him softly and Charlie's eyes fluttered closed. He only opened them again when Nick drew away slightly, just enough to murmur softly against Charlie's mouth, "I love you so much."
And then their limbs tangled around each other, making sure that no part of them could forget for a second that the other was still there, hearts thrumming in sync, solid and steady and constant.
"You know it's been almost a month," Nick mused once their make-out session had dwindled.
Charlie had come to rest on his stomach, entirely on top of Nick, exactly the way Nick liked best - so that they could feel each other's hearts like an extra beat beside their own.
"Most of the time lately it feels like it all happened to someone else," said Nick. "Or like it was just something I just saw in a film. But then in my dreams, I remember exactly how it felt. How that really did happen to us. That it happened to you."
Charlie shivered and Nick tightened his arms around him further. "It all feels like a massive blur to me," he breathed. "I was slipping in and out of consciousness for a lot of it, but you had to be awake the whole time. I don't know which is worse."
Nick sighed. "We've been over this before, Char."
"I know. What's worse would be neither of us coming out of those woods alive. And that didn't happen."
"No," said Nick, firmly. "But I was so convinced, for like, a long while, that it had - that only one of us was going to make it."
Charlie buried his face in the crook of Nick's neck and breathed in. "I'm so sorry you have to keep reliving it. I wish I could go through it for you."
Nick shook his head. "At least having you there when I woke up helped me come out of it quicker."
"That is good, I suppose," Charlie sighed. "At least I can still do something to help."
"Charlie," Nick chided. "Are you kidding me? You literally do everything. Being together this whole week has honestly been a dream - like, a really excellent dream."
"Yeah," Charlie agreed. "But tomorrow is going to hurt, isn't it? I mean, later. I know Geoff and Andrew have been telling us we need to be less co-dependent but having to separate is going to fucking suck."
"Yeah, it is. I miss mum and Nellie but I am not looking forward to sleeping alone. Especially not now…"
Charlie looked up to find Nick biting his lip anxiously.
"You'll still be able to text or call or FaceTime me, though, darling. I don't care what time it is."
Nick nodded but his eyes were still far too clouded with worry for Charlie's liking.
"My parents are probably going to expect me to stick around for at least a bit when we get back," Charlie continued. "But maybe we can plan to do something together on Wednesday evening? After my therapy session?"
"A sleepover?"
Charlie shrugged. "Yeah. It's the summer holidays. There are no 'school nights' for a while. Every night is fair game according to my parents' rules." He breathed a laugh at his realisation. "I'm not sure they thought that one through much when they said it."
Charlie's laughter was, as always, infectious, and with the promise of having only one solitary night to endure officially soothed Nick enough to set him yawning.
"We're going to be so sleepy in the morning," said Nick. "I think the sun is starting to rise."
They both looked around to see a definite orange tint on the horizon.
"We'll be fine," said Charlie. "We can sleep on the coach."
Lying there, wrapped up in each other, the sounds of the city waking up slowly around them, very little had ever seemed so perfect as this moment right now. And, as the sky turned from orange to yellow to the clearest blue, Nick and Charlie missed it all in favour of sleeping soundly in each other's arms.
It was the incessant drone of an ambulance speeding by on the street below that woke Nick and Charlie a few hours later.
Charlie shivered as he opened his eyes. Both his and Nick's skin were cool to the touch and as he stretched his back, it clicked uncomfortably. Nick rolled over onto his back as best he could on the narrow sun lounger and came perilously close to falling over the side. Charlie hung onto his arm to catch him.
"Ow, fuck," Nick groaned. "My back is killing me."
"Okay, old man," Charlie scoffed, giggling as he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "What's the time?"
Nick shuffled over to sit beside Charlie on the edge of the chair and flopped his head onto his shoulder, circling his arms around his waist. "I have no idea."
Charlie patted him on the head affectionately. "We should probably get back to the room. The others will be wondering where we are."
He went to stand up but Nick clung to him defiantly.
"Come on, Nick! I don't know about you but I'm freezing."
"Ugh! Fine…"
Nick allowed himself to be dragged up from the sun lounger and back inside.
They hurried back down in the lift to their room, worried they had missed the start of breakfast, but as soon as they entered, Tao and Aled looked up in mingled relief and annoyance.
Both of their friends were in varying stages of undress, clearly in the middle of sourcing and packing their scattered belongings. Tao had a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. He had been pacing between the beds, staring anxiously at his phone.
"There you are," he exclaimed as Nick and Charlie shut the door behind them. "Where the fuck have you been? We didn't want to tell the teachers in case you got in trouble, but we were getting worried."
"Sorry, Tao," said Charlie, perching on the edge of the bed. "We didn't mean to be gone for so long but we fell asleep."
"Where did you go?" asked Aled.
"The roof terrace," said Nick. "It was Charlie's idea."
"Good job we didn't tell then," said Tao. "You little rebels."
"It honestly wasn't that interesting," said Charlie, shrugging. "It was just the first place I thought of that would be quiet."
Tao and Aled both looked at Nick then. But then they looked away again quickly. Nick mumbled something about a shower and disappeared into the bathroom. Charlie watched him go wistfully.
Aled appeared quietly to sit down beside Charlie on the bed. "Is he doing better now?"
"Yeah," Charlie sighed. "He's just a bit embarrassed that you both saw all that."
"I'm sorry I was so insensitive," said Tao sheepishly. "I was tired and… he kind of caught me off guard, to be honest. I know you both went through something horrible but I never - I didn't realise quite how bad it must have been… for him to sound like that."
Charlie swallowed thickly. His friends were watching him, wide-eyed with concern, and Charlie suddenly couldn't stand them looking at him at all. He started to busy himself with stuffing the last few items of clothing into his suitcase.
He had always hated the fact he could do little to help Nick with his nightmares, other than just be there. But that didn't seem to be enough any more. There was nothing he could do to stop his hand from shaking as he zipped the suitcase up, either.
Once everyone had showered and dressed, the four of them made their way downstairs for their final breakfast in the hotel restaurant.
Elle and Sahar were already seated at one end of the long table the Truham and Higgs students were permitted to sit at. Tao hurried over immediately to sit with Elle, and Nick and Charlie joined Sahar, smiling bemusedly as their friends disappeared into their own little bubble.
Tao and Elle's romantic relationship was still a fledgling. They had finally kissed for the first time in the Louvre two days ago, but already Nick and Charlie were starting to understand some of what their friends must feel whenever they disappeared like that.
"Here," said Sahar, chucking a handful of sachets across the table. "I picked up a bunch of extra Nutellas."
"Thank you so much!" Nick exclaimed, pulling his croissant toward him.
They had all learned pretty early on in the trip that if you wanted chocolate spread, then you needed to hoard it quickly before they ran out.
Charlie looked down at his plain toast and immediately felt nauseous. He'd picked up a packet of butter, in an attempt to force himself to be optimistic but… he should have known it wasn't going to happen.
Instead, he picked up his tea and busied himself with taking a few long, careful sips. He had dumped a lot more sugar into it than he usually would, knowing he would need something to get himself through what would probably be a very long day of travelling.
"Come on, Darcy, you'll live," came Tara's voice from across the room, near the buffet table. "Just have jam or something."
Darcy was pouting dramatically, her plate piled high with everything from eggs, bacon, cereal and croissants, as well as the ingredients to make her new extra-special-breakfast-beverage - orange cofftea - which was just orange juice mixed with both tea and coffee, but had made Nick almost throw up when he had bravely tried some the first time she had made it.
Tara slid into the chair beside Charlie and her eyes lit up at the packets strewn across the table.
"Oh my god, can we have one of these?"
Several hands shot out to grab their Nutella packets and save them from the longing look Darcy was now shooting across the table.
"You can have mine," said Charlie. "Here."
"Charlie, you are my hero," Darcy sighed, dolloping large amounts of chocolate onto her toast. "I would kiss you if I didn't think your boyfriend would knock me out."
"That is wise thinking," said Nick.
"Hmm, I might have something to say to Charlie about that too," said Tara as she stole what she could from the near-empty Nutella.
"Me?" Charlie laughed. "I'm just an innocent bystander in this hypothetical scenario."
"No, babe," said Darcy. "Don't be mean to Charlie. Then we'd both be out cold and then who would look after us?"
"I would," said Aled.
"Me too," said Sahar. "We know better than to be mean to Charlie or kiss him for that matter. It's the safest way to live."
Charlie snorted, shaking his head. "You're acting like Nick's some kind of over-territorial monster. He's a softy really, aren't you, darling?"
He gave Nick's knee a squeeze under the table and smirked up at him. Nick blushed, and looked as if he was about to reply but then got distracted by the glint in Charlie's eye and everything else fell away.
Somehow, Charlie did not mind the chocolate flavour of Nick's kiss.
"We - are - eating!" Sahar teased. "Honestly…"
She turned away from the boys, only to find herself blocked in on all sides by couples kissing, Tao and Elle also embracing. Sahar groaned as Aled laughed sympathetically and Darcy wolf-whistled.
Nick and Charlie drew apart, blushing and busied themselves again with their breakfasts. But even as the rest of them chatted away over their food, Charlie, who was still only nursing his tea, noticed the change in Sahar's cheerful demeanour.
He knew this trip had been difficult for his newest friend. During their second day in Paris, Sahar had confided in them all that she had been planning on coming on this trip with her best friend Isabella.
Isabella Harding.
The mysterious teenage girl who had been murdered by Ryan Kane left under the railway bridge a little over a month ago now.
"Sahar," said Charlie quietly. "You okay?"
She had dropped her cutlery and it took her a moment to look across at Charlie. "Mmhm."
Charlie could tell it was the same kind of 'mmhm' he often gave other people - other people who had no idea, could not fathom the exact kind of 'not okay' he was often nowadays.
He gave Sahar a sympathetic look and took her hand over the table. "You sure?"
Charlie gave her hand a small squeeze. Sahar shook her head, holding back tears.
"It's just… I felt so guilty coming on this trip alone but now - now I have all you lot - I don't know if I can face going home."
Nick and the others realised something was up when Sahar gave an almighty sniff. Even Tao and Elle resurfaced to look around at her. Sahar's tears fell uninhibited now that multiple pairs of eyes were on her.
"Everything reminds me of her, you know?" Sahar took Tara's offered napkin and dabbed at her eyes in frustration. "We had so many plans for the summer. Our last one before Sixth Form."
"Well, we still have Tao's sleepover on Saturday, remember?" said Elle. "And weeks and weeks to do lots of fun things."
"Yeah," Sahar sniffled. "I just always feel a bit bad, having fun without her. Don't get me wrong, I love you guys, and I'm so grateful for you all taking me under your wings, but…"
"We understand," said Nick, glancing at Charlie. "At least… kind of. You're not the only one whose life Ryan Kane managed to turn upside down."
"Oh god," Sahar gasped and withdrew her hand from Charlie's. "I'm so sorry. You both went through so much shit because of him and I keep bringing it up and -"
"Hey, hey, no," said Charlie quickly. "You're okay, Sahar. We're okay. It's good to talk about it."
"Right," Nick nodded grimly. "You've been through shit too. I nearly lost my best friend. You actually lost yours."
Everyone's eyes were now on Nick, cautiously curious - it was rare that either Nick or Charlie spoke about what had happened to them.
Over the last several weeks since Kane had been killed, Helen and Tony had been excellent at making sure both boys were as far away from the media coverage as possible. The general public had been told only what they needed to know - that the corrupt police officer Ryan Kane had been responsible for the murders of the three teenagers - Matthew Osmond, Bethany Tooke and Isabella Harding - as well as killing three members of the gang who had corrupted him - Christopher Poole, Stanley Fletcher and Ray Dhawan.
The public also knew that, almost one month ago, Kane had tried to kill Charlie, failed, but then kidnapped both him and Nick to try and finish the job. The reason exactly had been left up to a vague hand-wave of general gang-related villainy.
The fact that Nick and Charlie had witnessed Kane murder his three fellow gang members, proceeding to try and cover it up, and the fact that Matt and Bethany had only been killed because Kane had thought Matt was Charlie was known only to a very limited number of people.
Maybe due to this lack of solid information, Nick and Charlie had now found themselves on the receiving end of some very strange behaviour among their fellow Paris-going classmates. Most of it consisted of people, especially the teachers, being overly nice to them as if they feared they might break if anything even slightly inconvenienced them.
Others avoided looking directly at them at all costs. More than once Nick and Charlie had caught classmates openly staring at them during mealtimes or while on the coach. And then there were the intrusive questions…
Nick and Charlie never expected to wish that the biggest thing people had to gossip about was the fact that they were dating. Still, it wasn't like that had completely escaped people's notice either.
An hour later, once everyone had breakfasted, Mr Ajayi yawned wearily as Mr Farouk ushered everyone onto the coach for the final time.
"Come on, everyone, onto the bus," said Mr Farouk. "We have a train to catch."
As soon as they'd sat down, Nick and Charlie were yawning in their seats.
Harry, Will and several other boys were wide awake, though, and full of rambunctious energy that filled the back of the bus. Aled stuffed his headphones into his ears at once. Tao was already snoozing with his head squished against the window.
"Um - Nick and Charlie -"
They looked up to find a reasonably quiet boy in Charlie's year neither of them knew particularly well standing awkwardly in the aisle beside them.
"Oh, hi Malik," said Charlie in surprise.
"Is it true you're dating?"
"Um, yeah," said Nick. "Yeah, we are."
"Ah, that's so cool!" Malik managed a flustered grin.
Nick watched him walk off toward the back of the bus, baffled.
"Wow," said Charlie, stunned. "Does this mean I'm a cool kid now?"
"Nah," said Nick, nudging his shoulder playfully. "You'll always be a nerd."
"Shut up…"
When the register had finally been taken and the coach set off toward Calais, Nick let out another massive yawn and snuggled his head against Charlie's, which was resting comfortably against his shoulder.
Music played softly through their shared earbuds. Charlie's hair smelt like lemons.
"I'm so tired," Nick murmured, nuzzling his neck into the soft curls.
"Go to sleep then," said Charlie. "We still have, like, four hours to go."
"Hmm…"
"What is it, darling?"
"Nothing. It's just - what if I have another nightmare? Everyone already thinks we're really fragile. It's worse enough that Tao and Aled heard me. Harry and the others would never let me live it down."
Charlie lifted his head in concern. He stroked Nick's cheek and studied the dark circles under Nick's eyes - they had become an all-too-constant feature of his face lately.
"Don't worry what they think. I doubt they would even be able to hear you anyway, I can barely hear our music."
Some kind of obnoxious card game had started up at the back of the bus and everyone was yelling about it at the top of their voices. A big cacophony of indignation went up as Harry won yet another round - and had apparently cheated each time.
"You're right." Nick exhaled as he and Charlie settled back down. "It was just a lot better when I didn't even have to worry about it when you were here."
"I'm so sorry, Nick…"
"Hey, no, no. I'm sorry, Char. It - it's never had anything to do with you, not really. It's me who's changed." Nick kissed Charlie's head. "I just need to figure out what's changed and undo it."
"Maybe you should ask Andrew about it."
"Right. But I don't see him again until Monday."
"Well, I'm seeing Geoff tomorrow. I could ask him about it if you like?"
"Thanks, love, but don't let my problems take up your therapy time."
"Your problems are my problems, silly." Charlie curled his arms more securely around Nick's, wiggling to get as comfortable as he could in the firm coach seat. "But I'll only ask him if you want me to."
"Fine. You may ask him, but only if you have time, okay?"
Charlie smiled. "Okay, then."
The coach hadn't even made it out of Paris before Nick drifted off to sleep.
Charlie watched out of the window, his own eyes heavy as Parisian architecture turned into fields of green. He wondered whether either of them would ever be completely free of their trauma, their assigned therapists only being able to help so much.
Logically, Charlie knew healing would come only in time. But now, he remembered, they had quite a lot of it ahead of them. Free time to be together and be ordinary teenagers. It was summer. Their first one as a couple, to do with as they pleased.
Charlie smiled to himself as he buried his head further against Nick's shoulder and drifted off too.
Four and a half hours and a reasonable amount of sleep later, the coach pulled up outside the quiet gates of Truham Grammar.
"We're home," said Nick softly as Charlie looked up, bleary-eyed, from his shoulder.
He blinked out at the pavement below and saw his mum and dad standing there together, waiting for him. Nick saw Charlie's expression falter and reached out to take his hand.
"You'll be fine, Char. We'll be fine."
Charlie nodded bravely and moved to follow Nick up into the aisle. He felt kind of numb as Nick passed him his backpack from under the seat. And then he moved, feeling almost ghost-like toward the door after Tao. Charlie knew he'd been worried about going home, he had known it would be difficult but now he was actually here…
"Breathe, Charlie," Nick whispered, keeping hold of his hand as they stepped off the coach.
It was hot outside but thankfully not as sweltering as it had been in Paris.
Then Jane was pulling Charlie into a hug and Nick was drawn away by his own mother.
"Hi, mum," he said, hugging her back. "Hi, Nellie!"
As he bent down to fuss Nellie behind her ears, Nick glanced over at the Springs. Jane and Julio had both folded Charlie into their embrace. Charlie was hugging them back but there was a definite stiffness in his stance.
The Springs had had three days with their son home before he left for Paris. Both Jane and Julio had completed their counselling sessions recommended to them by the hospital, but time would only tell if they had made any difference. Charlie's relationship with his mum had been badly damaged even before he'd almost died. And almost dying was not a fix-all cure, either.
"Hey, Nellie! We missed you!" Charlie came right over once his parents finally let him go. He bent down to accept the slobbery kisses Nellie was simply ecstatic to give. "Yes, we did! Did you miss us?"
"Almost as much as I did," said Sarah, taking her own turn to hug Charlie.
"How are you doing, Charlie? Did you boys have a nice time?"
"I'm okay, thanks, Sarah. We're just a bit tired and sore from trying to sleep on the bus."
Sarah patted his cheek affectionately and peered into his face. "Hm. You're a bit pale, dear. Nicky looks like he's caught the sun."
Charlie shrugged awkwardly.
"Leave him be, mum. Stop fussing. That's my job."
Nick ruffled Charlie's hair. Charlie giggled but his face dropped again when he caught sight of his parents standing about awkwardly a little way away, both looking as if they wanted to go but not wanting to upset Charlie by suggesting it.
"I'll meet you in the car, then, Nicky," said Sarah, having noticed the Springs too.
Nick and Charlie turned to each other.
Here they were. The moment they had been dreading.
They fell into each other and inhaled. Nick's hand went automatically to cup the back of Charlie's head and Charlie half-wished he hadn't - it was already going to be difficult enough to pull away.
Charlie closed his eyes and gave a deep sigh. "It's only one night. Why does it feel like forever?"
"We have FaceTime," said Nick, reassuring himself too. "We'll be okay. No school nights, remember?"
"Right. No school nights." Charlie pulled away and smirked up at him. "Do you still plan to 'make the most' of this summer?"
Nick flushed bright red but did not look away. "Absolutely. Something tells me we might have a fight on our hands to find the right time and place but - I've been stocked up for weeks."
"I hope my mum hasn't found mine… Maybe I should have hidden it better."
"I think we'd know about it if your mum had found your secret stash of lube, Charlie."
Charlie giggled again, and Nick beamed.
It was truly always nearly impossible to say goodbye.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Charlie reached up to kiss him, threading his fingers through Nick's hair. Somebody wolf-whistled from the crowd behind them and they reluctantly drew away again to see Darcy grinning at them. Beside her, Tara rolled her eyes but grinned too.
"See you on Saturday, fellow gays!" Darcy yelled.
"See you!" Charlie shouted back.
Nick waved as the girls walked away, then turned back to Charlie. "See you tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."
"Go on, then."
"You go! I can see Nellie waiting for you from here."
"She can wait a bit longer."
"Nick! Poor Nellie!"
"Okay, okay, I'm going…"
Eventually, Charlie made it to the car. His dad helped him heft his luggage into the boot and then he slipped into the back seat, already aware of the anxiety returning.
Jane was her usually tight-lipped self all the way home. Julio chatted away happily though, asking all about Paris what they did and 'how was the hotel?' and 'did you take lots of pictures?'
Julio had fared better during the counselling sessions than his wife. He was as cheerful and warm as ever, but still very rarely able to take things too seriously.
Charlie knew therapy wasn't for everyone but he did wish his mum had tried a little harder. Jane had sat stoically, fighting embarrassment through each session. And at home, she always seemed to be biting her tongue. This was an improvement in some ways, but Charlie could still read the unsavoury thoughts even if she didn't speak them out loud any more.
Indeed, Jane didn't say a word to Charlie until they got home.
"Why don't you start unpacking now? You shouldn't leave it to the last minute. Have you had lunch?"
Charlie hadn't even taken off his shoes. "Um… yeah. We stopped at some services."
Jane frowned but before she could say anything, Oliver came bounding into the hall.
"Charlie's home!" he yelled and launched himself into his brother's arms.
Charlie just about stopped himself from being bowled over and hugged Oliver back. "Hi, Olly! Did you miss me?"
"Is Nick back too?"
Charlie laughed and ruffled his brother's hair. "Of course he is, silly. Did you think we'd just leave him behind in Paris forever?"
"I don't know…"
Slurp.
Tori had appeared in the doorway. "I'll help you unpack if you want."
"Thanks, Tori."
Since Charlie was a bit encumbered with his brother, Tori carried his luggage up the stairs for him. Once he stepped into his bedroom, he found he was actually genuinely pleased to be home. Especially when he spied the package lying on his bed.
"Yes!"
He snatched up the squishy parcel and tore it open quickly. Two new items of clothing fell out onto the bed. One was a hoodie, blue, just like the one of Nick's he had lost. The other was a green sweatshirt with a simple design of two intertwined trees.
"Are you sure you got the right size?" asked Tori, setting the suitcase down. "They look a bit big."
"They're not for me," said Charlie, pulling the sweatshirt over his head. "They're for Nick."
Tori shook her head in exasperation as Charlie checked the length in the mirror. The hem fell to his mid-thigh and the sleeves were too long - perfect. He pulled the jumper off again and folded them both into a neat pile, ready for tomorrow.
"Was it really scary being away from home without mummy and daddy?"
Oliver was sitting on the carpet, looking through the half-heartedly packed contents of Charlie's suitcase. Oliver had pulled out Kitty and was waving her arms around thoughtfully.
"Not really," said Charlie, sitting down beside him on the floor. "I was having too much fun. And even when it wasn't so fun, I still had Nick there and our friends. And the teachers and everyone. We were so busy most of the time I hardly remembered to think about home."
"I thought you were excited about camping," said Tori, sipping her diet lemonade from the bed. "You've not shut up about it for weeks."
"I am excited," said Oliver. "But mummy's worried about it and now I'm worried."
"Hmm…" Charlie sighed. "Mum and dad are always going to worry about us. No matter how old we are or where we go, we have to help them see that it's okay by being extra brave, okay?"
"I think I can be as brave as you." Oliver used Kitty's paw to boop Charlie on the nose.
Charlie fought to keep his voice even as he said, "Of course you can. And even if you have a wobble, the Beaver leaders will be there as well as your friends. Didn't you say Abigail is going too?"
Oliver nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. She's not scared, though. She's been camping loads of times."
"Has she been without her mummy and daddy before?"
Oliver shrugged.
"See, I bet she's feeling just as nervous as you are. And at least you'll have someone experienced you can count on if… if your tent falls down or something. Turns out I would have been pretty lost finding my way around Paris without Nick. He can speak French!"
"Whaaat?" Oliver cried, wide-eyed. "That is so cool!"
"I know right!"
Charlie could feel his sister's eye roll from across the room.
"It's not faaair," said Oliver. "We just have to learn boring old Spanish - Spanish is rubbish!"
"Don't let abuelo hear you say that," said Tori as Oliver giggled. "How come Nick can speak French?"
"Oh, well, his dad is French and he used to speak it all the time when he was little."
"Not that impressive then," said Tori. "Not more impressive than us speaking English."
"Still," Charlie shrugged, blushing. "It's… not a bad thing…"
"Oh, please." Tori got up with the bag of laundry Charlie had dumped out of the suitcase. "As if you need one more reason to be so smitten."
Sarah listened with rapt attention all the way home as Nick relayed to her everything that had happened in Paris. Well, the good bits, anyway.
Ever since she had watched him stumble out of those woods, pale and shaking, sobbing Charlie's name, covered in his blood, Nick knew his mum had about a hundred times more anxiety when it came to his well-being. Her own counselling sessions had helped her considerably, as Nick's had helped him, but they both still had a long way to go.
Nellie led the way into the hall when they got home. Something delicious was wafting in from the kitchen. Nick had definitely missed his mum's cooking.
"Did you manage to meet up with your dad?" Sarah asked sceptically as they took off their shoes.
"No." Nick chucked his vans onto the shelf a little more violently than he'd meant to. He set about fixing the mess he'd made. "I shouldn't have been surprised, really. It would honestly have been more of a surprise if he'd shown up."
"I'm sorry, baby. But at least, from the sounds of it, his absence didn't stop you from having a nice time."
"Hmm… I just really wanted him to meet Charlie."
Sarah tutted and shook her head in sympathetic annoyance. "You'll be able to introduce them one day. It might not be until the wedding but - one day, baby."
"Mum!"
Sarah grinned mischievously. "Would you like some tea while lunch finishes cooking?"
"Yes, please."
Nick settled down at the kitchen table while his mum put the kettle on. Nellie arrived at his side at once, head in his lap. She whined pitifully up at him - she truly had missed him immensely.
Once tea had been made, Sarah sat down across from him with a surprisingly serious expression.
"Anything interesting happen while I was away?" Nick asked cautiously.
Sarah took a deep breath as if she were psyching herself up, or else making sure to choose her words carefully. "Something has… happened, Nicky. I don't want to alarm you too much, but I think it's best if you heard it from me first."
Nick frowned, his heart dropping at the shift in tone. "What is it, mum?"
"I'm not sure how much you've been paying attention to the news. You might already know…"
"I haven't - the Wi-Fi in the hotel was rubbish."
Sarah nodded, having expected this. "Well, two days ago - I think it was Sunday when it was reported officially - but Inspector Michaels - Tony Michaels, well, he's missing."