Kalinda

I didn't see Severus the following day. Not that I was avoiding him, really. I mean as it is, I usually only see him when we have class and when he managed to make time for me and fit me into his schedule. Considering all the work he has to grade, the detentions and the fact that he does still have to manage Slytherin, we don't see each other more than maybe once or twice during the week and that's usually over the weekend. Its only on rare occasions that we spend a couple hours together during the school week. Besides, considering we mostly do only one thing while together, seeing each other during the week isn't really necessary as it would only leave time for quickies in open areas and Severus is cautious enough to not want to get caught, which can occur no matter how many precautions you take. That isn't to say it never happens, but few and far inbetween.

Therefore being as it was not the weekend just yet and being as I did have a lot of work to do, I didn't care for seeing him. Besides, I kind of wanted time to think. I felt that things needed to end with Severus before they became toxic. I honestly did esteem him and I didn't want him to hate me or vice versa. Therefore, I couldn't just dump him with no excuse. And I was sure he would loathe me if I told him that the reason was because I thought I was falling in love with someone else.

Even in my own head that sounded lame. I wasn't even sure if it was love or perhaps just insanity as my head still couldn't wrap around the idea that I could be interested in Professor Bell in an amorous way unless I was at least bisexual. However, after spending a day of watching fellow female-students... I was sure I couldn't be. Sure there were plenty of pretty girls at Hogwarts, but I wasn't even remotely interested in any of them. So why was Professor Bell any different and how could I hope for anything to work there?

I wanted to slam my forehead against the desk as I thought of it during defense, however, that seemed far too melodramatic for me so I merely sat in class and instead of paying attention to Professor Bell's lecture, I was sketching in my sketchbook whom by the way I have named Aandaleeb. Yes I know it's odd to name an object, but as I have said my sketchbooks mean so much to me and since I have quite a few, I name each one as one would name children.

And yes perhaps I should have been paying attention to the lesson, but I had a feeling it was all the same anyway. I mean, I would probably end up paying more attention to Professor Bell, than on what she was saying. So either way, the lesson might not sink in very well, so what did it matter if I was sketching or not? Besides at least with sketching, I could take my mind off all the confusing circumstances in my life.

I was drawing a purple lotus. It was my favorite of all flowers and not simply because it was purple. My father, a English, muggle-born wizard, owned a shop that sold quills and inks which he himself made and could be rather pricey at times. He provided me with a large variety of these supplies and in recent years developed a purple ink that smelled of lavender. It was a birthday present for me because he knew purple was my favorite color, and he named the ink Purple Sun in honor of me. Considering I wasn't allowed to write in colored inks for my classwork, I used this ink whenever I draw purple lotus flowers, which was almost all the time.

I was so caught up in doing this, that I was startled when I heard someone lightly touch my shoulder. I turned slowly to see Professor Bell walking by, still lecturing the rest of the class. As she caught my gaze, she motioned to what I was doing and shook a finger discreetly at me while giving me a benign smile. She wasn't angry that I wasn't paying attention, but she made it clear that she'd rather I pay attention to the lesson, rather than draw.

I felt myself blushing slightly at this. I sighed as I tapped my wand on the page to dry the ink, before closing Aandaleeb and stashing him away. When class ended, I was compelled to linger behind and apologize to Professor Bell. "I'm sorry about not paying attention," I said as I walked up to her desk, frowning slightly. She turned and looked at me with her eyebrows raising in surprise.

"You didn't have to apologize, Kali. I'd just prefer it if you paid attention to the lesson. I know you are bright girl and I'm sure you can pass the class with flying colors without much instruction, but I'm sure things would be a lot easier for you if you concentrated in class. That way you wouldn't have as much work," she said mildly. I merely looked down at my feet for a moment and nodded while adjusting the strap of my messenger bag.

"Yes, sometimes I wonder if I should just leave Aandaleeb in the dorm, so I'm not tempted. But then I imagine I would probably just start sketching in the margins of my text and it wouldn't make a difference," I blurted out before blushing. Why was I even telling her all this?

"Aandaleeb?"

"I name my sketchbooks. It means Bluebird," I said, blushing once more. I felt my heart begin to throb as she suddenly smiled at me in amusement. She really had the prettiest smile. And it made her eyes light up.

"I see," she said. "What were you sketching... if you don't mind me asking?"

"A purple lotus. My mother says in India the Lotus flower is very important."

"So you are of Indian descent?"

I shrugged in response to this. "About a quarter, if that."

I was startled to find that seemed seemed to know a lot more about the flower than I did. In fact, she knew a lot about India and we spent the following several hours talking about it. Apparently she lived there for some years in her childhood and was rather fond of it. Being as I have never been, I was interested. By the time we realized that we had been speaking for hours, it was very near to curfew and I was tired, so I went straight to bed.

Calla

Ah, yes. The big Quidditch match against Ravenclaw. It's a big day for us Puffers because it can either make our season or break our season. It would also determine whether or not we would be playing Slytherin or Gryffindor in the next match. Slytherin had won the first match of the season, so if we won this match, we would be playing them and if we beat them, that would ensure us a spot in the Cup match. Usually, we never beat Ravenclaw, but Tara was bound and determined that this year would be different. She could feel it in her bones.

It was a good match, I'll give it that much and Tara had been right, we'd won but not because of me. In fact, I missed the victory because as Tara caught the Snitch, I was being thrown off by my broom. A Ravenclaw Beater had hit a Bludger towards Tara, seeing as she was about to catch the Snitch, so I made the sacrifice by jumping in front of it. It hit me square in the chest and knocked the wind out of me and all I can really remember besides not being able to breath was the way the air whistled as I fell at such a rapid rate. Lucky for me, some one had placed a slowing charm on me so that when I hit the ground, I didn't sustain any more damage. It was though I was being dumped politely out of a wagon of some sort. But the fact was, that Bludger had fucked me up big time. It had cracked my sternum. It was only a hairline fracture and anything worse could've killed me. It still hurt like a bitch.

"Fucking kill me," I moaned in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was hovering about, and was panicking which did nothing to soothe me. She had no idea what to use to treat me with. It apparently was a tricky fracture because she was absolutely dumbstruck. There I was, sitting in a hospital bed with my top off and my tits exposed, in pain and the stupid clucking bitch was making me panic. "Can't you give me a painkiller for fucksakes?"

Pomfrey ignored me. "I just don't know! I've never treated a cracked sternum!"

"Then why in the hell are you working here if you can't treat a fucking fracture!"

"I could use Skele-grow but something has to be done about that bruising and I'm not sure the two will mix!" She looked around and then looked back at me. "I need Professor Snape to look at you."

"Fuck. That."

"Do you want to die, Miss Bigsby?"

"No," I grumped. "But there is no way in hell Snape is looking at me!"

Madam Pomfrey left anyway, closing the curtains shut behind her. I struggled to find my shirt, but it was hard to move. I fell back on the bed and covered my chest with my arms. They'd have to kill me before I'd move them. At that moment, Tara stumbled in, all aglow from the victory.

"Oh, Calla, you were brilliant! That Bludger would've pegged me had you not hopped in front of me."

"And now I'm suffering from a cracked fucking sternum and that dumb bitch didn't know how to treat it so she's gone to get Snape!" I was angry. I should've been happy that we'd won the match but I couldn't help but think if we'd lost, I wouldn't be in this situation. I'd rather deal with losing than this. I was used to losing. I wasn't used to any one of the opposite sex looking at my chest. Especially one I fancied that did not reciprocate the feeling. What if him seeing my tits turned him off even more? I didn't really have much time to ponder about it as Pomfrey and Snape soon emerged.

"He's not looking at my chest," I said firmly. Pomfrey rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh and looked at Snape as if to say, "You deal with her."

"Remove your arms so I can examine you, Bigsby," Snape said.

"No."

"Do so now or I will force you to remove them even if that means amputating."

"You can take my arms but you can never take my dignity!" I thought I sounded pretty heroic but my Gryffindor behavior did not sit well with Snape. He looked at Pomfrey.

"Give me something to sedate her with," he said firmly. Now that scared me. I did not like being sedated because it would give him the chance to do what ever the hell he wanted to me and there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. Not that I could anyway, I was pretty much paralyzed. And because I was pretty much paralyzed there was nothing I could do to stop him from holding my nose shut and pouring some foul tasting liquid down my throat. It worked instantly. My whole body fell numb and my arms slid away from my chest like limp noodles. They didn't have the decency to give me something that would knock me out completely so I wouldn't have to suffer.

I thought I saw him smirk slightly when my tits were exposed which excited me and horrified me at the same time. He didn't look disgusted as he turned all business as he ordered Pomfrey about to fetch him this and that. I gave him a goofy sedative induced grin between him administering the potions.

"You like what you see Snape?" I slurred and then giggled. I heard Tara snort beside me. I'd forgotten she was there. What was better was that Snape actually blushed. Before I made the comment, he was purely professional and now he was stuck in an awkward situation just as I was. It served him right. At least I wasn't in pain any more.

Later on that night, after the potions had been doled out, I was told I was stuck in the hospital wing for a night of observation. Luckily, Snape had instructed her on exactly how to treat me and his big thing was that I was given painkillers every few hours until the fracture had mended. I was grateful for that.

Tara showed up a while later and had brought me all sorts of goodies and sweets from the party that the Hufflepuffs were currently throwing. I was grateful she had showed up because I seriously needed to talk to her.

"Tara," I said. She beamed at me. "I'm quitting the team."

"What?" Tara asked. Her face had fallen.

"I was almost killed out there today. Not to mention the other humiliation."

"Your tits aren't bad at all Calla. I'd say they were downright decent and I'm sure Snape thought so too."

"That's not the point. I don't want to play any more."

"Why the hell not?" Tara looked angry now. "We just won and you want to quit? What is your problem?"

"It's not that I don't like Quidditch but I really just don't enjoy it as much as I used to anymore."

"You're the best Beater in the whole school! Not to mention the fact that you're the first female Beater on a Hogwarts team in over fifty years! You can't quit!"

She was right. Quidditch had been extremely fun to start with. I was proud of the fact that I'd made the team as a second year and yes, Tara was right, I was the first female Beater on a Hogwarts Quidditch team in over fifty years. At first I reveled in that fact. I was proud. But that had all worn off now. I was sick of it and me falling off my broom after being pegged by a Bludger was the last straw.

"I'm sorry,Tara," I said weakly.

"If you quit the team, you'll regret it. I will never speak to you again." She was one hundred percent serious. I didn't want to lose her as a friend but at the same time, I had been scared quite well. I didn't want to die and who knew if the next one wouldn't hit me and cause me to break my neck? I couldn't deal with it. Hell, I didn't even like being a Beater because it was such a butch position and I was tired of being butch. For once, I had a reason to want to be dolled up and feminine. Not that I would doll myself up but the least I could do was shed the butch reputation. I just didn't love the sport enough to sacrifice my femininity for it.

"Fine, don't talk to me then," I told her.

Of course Tara did not keep her promise. She did not walk away gracefully without another word. She didn't even storm out. No, Tara screamed at me. She ranted and raved about how the season was blown and how I was a sorry excuse for a teammate and a friend. She would've kept up her tirade til the cows came home but Madam Pomfrey gave her the boot. Even on the way out, she was still screaming and cursing. I sank back into bed feeling like the world's worst person.

The next day I was released and the first place I headed was back to Hufflepuff Den. No one would even look at me. They'd take side long glances and glare that way but everyone pretty much pretended I didn't exist to them. I should've apologized to them, but what was the point? They wouldn't want to hear it. I know I wouldn't have wanted to. So I kept my mouth shut and headed to the dorm and stayed there for the rest of the day.

Now it was official. I was officially friendless, Tara being my closest friend, I had no one to talk to anymore and I wasn't sure Kalinda was the type to buddy up to. Sure, we talked, but right now, she was my last resort before I officially became a pariah. I didn't have Potion's that Monday, but I did have Defense Against the Dark Arts with her but she paid such rapt attention to Professor Bell, it was hard to get a word in with her so I didn't try. I might have been crude and some what lewd, but I was not about to disrespect the girl's wishes to learn as she was one of the few people I actually did respect. So, for the most part I moped around.

After a few days, my resolve had almost broken and I had just nearly gone back to Tara to rejoin the team but by that point, she'd already found someone to replace me. Of course, I was pissed off. How could they replace me? I was the best beater in the school at the moment! But my anger didn't last long because I realized I had quit the team and had I been in Tara's shoes, I probably would've done the same thing. I could understand that I was the reason we won the match and that made me an important asset and with out me, Hufflepuff didn't stand a chance at winning the cup.

The free time gave me time to myself to study, and it also gave me a chance to plot a way to get Snape into my clutches once more. He'd seen my tits and using that logic, I didn't feel bad about trying to pursue him or at least find out what made him tick. When I had time to myself (which was all of the time), he occupied most of my thoughts. What did he like in a girl? Did he even like girls? Did he like tough girls or did he like soft girls who were sensitive and wanted to be dominated? Well, I wasn't about to become submissive, that's just not who I was but at the same time, I considered it a possibility.

Kalinda

That weekend, was the first match of the Quidditch season, Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff. As I didn't care for Quidditch, I didn't attend the game. I suppose you can say I was a shitty friend for not attending the game and supporting Calla, being as she is on the Hufflepuff team. However, I couldn't care less for Quidditch and it was really one of the things I was uncompromising about. Hell, I even refused to support my older brother Able who was on a professional Quidditch team, the Falmouth Falcons. Apparently they were a team that appreciated my brother's thirst for blood and violence, of which I didn't approve.

Therefore, I didn't really hear about Calla getting injured during the game until days later. However, I was too caught up in my work, figuring out what was going on with me in regards to Bell and trying to figure out what was going on with Snape to care. In a way, you can say we sort of made up during the weekend in the sense where I kind of spent several hours Sunday night with him. I rarely ever slept over as I had explained to him on many occasions that he wanted me to stay over that I really could not sleep well when sharing the bed with someone else. I don't know what it is about there being someone else on the bed with me, but I just can't sleep. I feel like I stay conscious all night and doze in and out of sleep.

However, I wasn't exactly happy about the situation yet. In fact, you can say it was more of angry sex than at any other point before and I left as soon as we were done. Usually I lay with him and rest a bit with him in bed. However, that night as soon as we had come, I rested all of about five seconds before getting up and getting changed. I think it unnerved Severus a bit, as it wasn't normal of me to do this. He asked me in deadpan what I was doing and I told him that being as it was Sunday and I had to wake up early the next day that I really had to go. Severus seemed to accept this just fine, so I just left.

Things didn't get any better during the week. In fact, I would say things got worse when I went to Potions. At the start of class, Severus had the brilliant idea of moving Calla to the front of the class. I furrowed my brow as I watched Calla gather her things and move to the indicated seat. She didn't seem anymore pleased by this than I was and really I couldn't understand why he was moving Calla to the seat for troublesome kids. If it had anything to do with Calla's behavior, he would have moved her long before now. It was blatantly obvious that he just wanted to separate us and I didn't see the point. Calla had already told me about the kiss, so unless there was more to tell there was no reason for him separating us.

So this would indicate he was lying to me when he said there was nothing going on, wouldn't it? The idea of this pissed me off. I had a hard time keeping form looking up at Severus and glaring at him. I couldn't bring myself to look at Calla either, because it just reminded me of Severus and would only just further piss me off. I mean I really held nothing against Calla, I mean it's not like she knew that I was, in whatever way, seeing Snape. However, being the proud person that I am, I didn't like being played for a fool and Snape was going to hear of it.

I decided to let myself cool off a bit before going to confront Severus. I decided to try and approach him after dinner. "Professor Snape, I need to talk to you," I said as I came up behind him in the hall. Severus only turned his head slightly, however, he did not stop walking down the hall. I had to quicken my pace in order to catch up to him.

"I don't have time to deal with whatever you'd like to complain about now, Miss Allen," Severus said as he stalked into his office, and tried to shut his door. I placed my hand on the door and pushed it back before stubbornly pushing myself into the room after him, causing Severus to sigh in defeat.

"Don't give me that crap, Severus. What are you trying to pull? Why did you move Calla to the seat nearest you?" I demanded angrily. Okay, so apparently a couple hours wasn't enough for me to cool off. Severus turned as he head my tone and raised a brow at me and I immediately felt myself blushing. Shit! When have I ever been this out of control when it came to my emotions. I was vexed that Severus saw it. Apparently, I was too angry and he too surprised for either one of us to notice the fact that we left the door ajar.

"I believe this is the angriest I have ever seen you," he said, almost amused. "It's kind of cute," he went on with a small smirk. I frowned at his use of the word 'cute' and felt my stomach turn itself into a knot as I flushed pleasantly. However, I wasn't going to be distracted.

"Do you think this is a game, Severus? Although I suppose I shouldn't be asking considering you don't take me at all seriously. I'm not sure what gave you this impression, but I'm not a fool and I refuse to allow ANYONE to treat me like one," I said.

"I don't know what you are going on about now, Kalinda, but if you continue acting like a fool then that is the way that I will treat you. I moved Bigsby to the seat nearest to me because that is where I place troublemakers, as you well know and I'm sure you must have realized by now that your so called friend, is a troublemaker," Severus said coldly, his tone full of impatience with the subject.

"You can drop the charade, Severus. If that were really the case, you would have moved Calla to that seat long before now. Its so obvious that you only moved Calla as some lame attempt to keep her from saying anything to me. Clearly you're trying to hide something from me and I've already told you that I refuse to be just one in a string of girls you choose to toy with for your own sick pleasure."

"I don't know how many times, in how many different ways you need for me to tell you this, but I will repeat it again, Kalinda and hopefully it will get through that thick scull of yours. I am not doing anything. I am not interested in Bigsby. I am a one-woman type of man and you are and have been that woman," he said in a low, murderous tone almost seeming to punctuate ever last word and he delivered his speech slowly.

He sounded so sincere. As I looked up into his eyes and studied his young face, I wondered if it were true. However, I wasn't stupid. There was something there. "But there is clearly something there, something happened that you don't want her to tell me about," I persisted, staring up at him.

Severus straightened up, as he previously had put his face into mine while delivering his little speech. For a moment, he looked thoughtful and frowned. "I... its nothing, really. However, I was concerned that if Miss Bigsby told you about it, she'd make it seem worse than it was or embellish on the story. After all, she was heavily sedated at the time," Severus murmured, looking off to the side.

I furrowed my brow at this. "Oh really. Well? What was it that you are trying to keep from me, Severus? If it's really nothing, you should have no problem telling me all about it."

Severus flushed lightly in response and grimaced. "I had to treat Miss Bigsby for the hairline fracture on her sternum. Madame Pomfrey wasn't equipped to deal with it."

For a moment, I frowned, failing to see why he was concerned about me hearing about that. However, after a moment I realized he said fracture on her sternum. That clearly meant that he had to look at Calla's chest. "I see," I said slowly, grimacing while unconsciously crossing my arms over my chest.

I could feel in the back of my mind that awful gnawing of self-consciousness as my eyes lost focus for a moment as I lost myself in thought. Calla was a much curvier girl than I was, granted I was probably considered more feminine. However, I was more than aware that by comparison, my build was... lacking in that particular area. For the most part, I had grown to be comfortable with my own attributes and not pay mind to my insecurities, but in moments like these it was difficult.

"It was purely professional," he said sounding a little defensive, suddenly looking at me and narrowing his gaze. "Surely you're not going to hold that against me?" he said scathingly.

I glared at him as I snapped back at attention, uncrossing my arms from across my chest. "I'm not unreasonable, Severus! However, if you say the incident was professional, than I don't see why you were trying to keep it from me. If you were so concerned on how it may appear to me, you could have just spoken to me about it honestly. The actions you took to prevent me from finding out about it completely taint the incident."

"Admittedly my actions were misguided," Severus said slowly. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it after a moment and frowned. "You have to understand... I've never been in any form of relationship, Kalinda. I don't know what I'm doing," he said, blushing at the admission. I felt my anger dissolve into nothing. He seemed so vulnerable and adorable that I just wanted to hug him. I refrained though. Showing affection was a huge no-no for me.

"Just be honest with me Severus. I'd really appreciate that, and we could avoid these little misunderstandings," I said, shaking my head. "And I'd prefer it if you... like someone else if you'd just tell me about it, instead of trying to hide it. I won't take too kindly if you play me for an idiot."

Severus clucked his tongue in response and I'd swear I saw him roll his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind," he said dryly. "Although if I had to be honest, I don't see why you think I'm interested in Bigsby."

I raised a brow at this. "Really? You don't see why I would think that?" I asked sardonically. "Putting your behavior towards her aside, I don't see why you wouldn't be interested in her. Calla is funny, friendly and sweet and you can't deny the fact that she's pretty."

"Is she? I hadn't noticed," he said coldly. "And I find that this conversation is becoming tiresome. I'm done talking about your friend, who I am not moving by the way. I think the girl is rubbing off on you. She's not a good influence on you."

I raised a brow at this. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I was very clear, Kalinda."

"So you think I'm so easily influenced? What I'm going to become a clone of Calla just because I talk to her? And do you think you can control every aspect of my life? Just because you moved Calla to sit near you doesn't mean I'm going to stop talking to her. You are aware that I have other classes with her, aren't you? Classes in which I can easily talk to her?" I said coldly. Just who in the fuck did Severus think he was?

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "You don't see or hear yourself of late, do you Kalinda? Have you not noticed that you keep picking little fights with me? You are confronting me at all times about little, innocuous things and you really think that Bigsby isn't influencing you in the least?"

"No, frankly I don't. I'm not a doormat, and I won't be treated like one. That is why I keep getting on your case lately. I don't want you to think that for one moment I'm going to be one of those silly little chits that let men do whatever the hell they want to them. If I hadn't done it before, it was because you never gave me a reason to before," I pointed out coldly.

"And I haven't done anything, Kalinda."

"Perhaps not, but you shouldn't have hidden the fact that Calla kissed you from me, or the fact that you had to look at her chest to treat her. The fact that you hid it makes it all so suspicious."

"And I already explained why I didn't tell you and we're done talking about this now. I will be honest from this point forth. You can leave now, I have work to do," Severus said in a vexed tone. I sighed and shook my head. I was fucking tired of this too. It seemed like lately it was the same damn loop playing over and over again.

"Fine, I have work to do too," I said, turning around and walking out of his office, once more not noting that we had left the door open. I was too exhausted. Lately, Severus and I were seeming more and more like a real couple with all the arguments. I felt like I was behaving like a jealous, possessive girlfriend, and I hated it because that wasn't it at all! I simply didn't want to be the stupid little woman that gets cheated on and laughed at! Sighing, I felt I needed a rest. Relationships, even convoluted ones, were utterly exhausting. Hell and this one was supposed to be only sex! I guess there's just no such thing as a simple relationship.

TBC...

Hades'Queen: Some feedback would be appreciated.