Kalinda
I wasn't excited about the prospect of going home for the holidays. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. However, sometimes they drove me nuts. Well no, most of the time, that would be why I spend most of my time in my bedroom. However, what was worst was that my brother Abel was coming in from Falmouth to spend the holidays with us and apparently he was bringing one of his many girlfriends.
In the course of my life, my brother has introduced a great deal of women to our family. Actually, if I think about it, my brother is the primary reason why I don't think men are trustworthy and why I try my damnedest not to get involved in the lives of others. I have been pulled into his dramas far too many times in my life to want to try anymore. And most of the girls that he has dated, are really sweet and don't deserve to be treated the way that they are. It's why I stopped associating with them long ago. I'm barely even civil to them. I've gotten close too to many of them to want to continue doing that. Besides, they only seem to last a few months of a time, so what's the point of getting to know someone who will be out of you will probably never see again or want to see again 'cause you are too embarrassed by the way they were treated by one of your own?
However, my mother seemed to have different ideas and in Amaia Mina Allen's home, what she said went. Even my brother, King of assholes, was afraid of my mother. She was really a woman to be reckoned with. "Nice of you to join us, young lady," my mother said as I slumped into a seat at the kitchen table. I was still half-asleep and yawning as I did so while my mother stood making breakfast. My father had clearly already finished eating and was sitting reading the paper. He smiled at me when I sat opposite of him, but I ignored him.
Being that it was the holidays, I didn't particularly care for getting up early. And as much as my family could drive me up the wall, I really did need a break from the school. I needed desperately to get away from Severus, Calla and most of all Professor Bell and just have some damn time to myself where I didn't have to deal with all the complicated feelings that had arisen in September.
Besides, it was also nice to be home and be able to wear muggle clothing once more. In school, being that I am in Slytherin and anything muggle is detestable and grounds for being picked on by fellow housemates, I wasn't allowed to wear anything remotely muggle. Only pajamas and the uniforms we had to wear beneath our school robes were allowed. I was wearing a very comfortable pair of grey, cotton, pajama bottoms with a long-sleeved, black shirt.
"Your brother and his girlfriend are arriving shortly before dinner. I expect you to not just be civil Kalinda, but nice. You understand me? Oh and don't forget to make yourself presentable," I lazily gazed over at my mother. Being as she was such a beautiful woman and always made herself look her best, she expected the same thing from me. It was something that I loathed.
"Why should I bother? It's not like I'm going to have to ever see her again," I replied. My mother's eyes, which were much like my own only seemingly more dark and mysterious due to the fact that she always wore eyeliner and mascara narrowed on me.
"Kalinda Violet Allen," she said, indication that now was not the time to mess with her. "You will be on your very best behavior and dress up, you understand me young lady?" she asked.
I cast a glance at my father, which was utterly useless, honestly. What the hell was he going to do. "Yes, your majesty," I hissed quietly, standing up from the table and heading for the door of the kitchen. I'd lost my appetite. Admittedly, not a hard thing to do as I rarely ever ate breakfast and most of the time I never had an appetite. Eating was a chore. I only did it as it was essential for survival.
"Where are you going? Aren't you going to eat breakfast?" my mother called after me.
"No," I called back as I walked down the hall before turning and heading up the stairs. We lived in a very decent house in London. Two stories. We had a spacious kitchen and sitting room on the first floor alone and a coat closet in the entrance hall and a single washroom by the kitchen. The upstairs was composed of three bedrooms. My parents had the master bedroom with its own bathroom and my brother and I each had our own rooms, though we had to share a bathroom which was half-way between our two rooms. Although, when my brother moved out six years ago, soon after he left Hogwarts and was recruited by the Falmouth Falcons, his room had been turned into a guest room.
My room was at the far end of the hall, furthest from the staircase. Its walls were all lilac and apart from some book cases, a nightstand and my bed, there wasn't any furniture in the room. All of my clothes were hung in a big closet, on the door of which hung a full-length mirror. Like my mother, I had developed an obsession with shoes, all of which were organized at the bottom of my closet and of which I really only wore a fair few of them. My bed was placed against one of the corners of the room, and my nightstand was on the right of it. The bookcases, were up against all the walls of the room which were not taken up by my bed, nightstand and closet.
Soon as I walked into my room, I closed the door behind myself and threw myself on my bed, which I had really missed. Perhaps, my bed was one of the things I missed most about being home. It was huge and had a dark purple, goose down comforter with matching pillows. My bed was really like sleeping on a cloud.
I'm not sure how long I was laying there, face down, merely revelling in the soft feel of my bed, when I heard a door open and close and some commotion downstairs. Furrowing my brow, I lifted my head from where it previously had been buried in my pillow and listened hard. Considering I was so far from the front door, I could hardly hear anything. However, I could hear my brother clearly enough. You see Abel, is a very loud person. Even when speaking normally with someone, his voice seemed to be able to carry all through the household. It was really rather annoying.
I rolled my eyes at this. Trust Abel to never fucking come when expected. He was always either late, or inconveniently early. Groaning, I walked over to my bedroom door and locked it. I suppose I had no choice but to get ready. Walking over to my closet, which is a walk-in, I spent the next fifteen minutes agonizing on what would be appropriate to wear and whether or not my mother would approve of it. When I was done and dressed, I stood gazing at myself in the mirror wondering what I should do with my hair. My mother really doesn't approve of it being loose, at least, she doesn't like it getting in my face.
However, being as I was already wearing white leggings which tucked into knee high boots along with a black turtleneck that the bottom of which covered my ass and a bit of my upper thigh, I figured I didn't have to do much with my hair and merely tied it up in a ponytail. I then proceeded to put on eyeliner a bit of mascara and some lip-gloss.
I sighed, time to get this over with, I thought as I made my way out of my room. I supposed at least, I would get the chance to see my brother. Even though most of the time he grated on my nerves, I did still love him and I hadn't seen him in over a year now. I was just reaching the stairs when he appeared, carrying what appeared to be his and his girls luggage, which he immediately dropped at the sight of me.
Like me and mum, Abel had dark straight hair, which he usually combed back. However, Abel had inherited Dad's blue eyes. However, my fathers eyes were warm, and Abel's were a little colder. As for his skin, it was fair like dads. "My Vi! You look beautiful," he said with a grin coming over his handsome features. You have to give it to him, my brother really was good-looking and damned fucking talented. He was tall and really quite muscular. I suppose that was the reason he was such a cocky bastard.
"GET OFF ME!" I gasped as he took me in his big arms and crushed me in a bear hug while simultaneously picking me off the floor. The jerk really was a brute!
"Oh come on baby-sis! I've just missed you," he said as he set me down and patted my head like I was a child. I merely glared up at him. I suppose to him and my dad, I would always just be the baby girl. I loathed it. "How's school been?" he asked, raising one of his dark brows and wagging it at me, giving me a knowing look.
I furrowed my brows at him wondering what that was supposed to mean. "Just fine," I replied tartly.
"Right. Well you should head down and meet Amelia. I'll catch up with you all in a few," he said with a grin before turning and grabbing their things and heading into what used to be his room. I merely shook my head as I continued on my way down the stairs and headed into the living room, which is where I imagined everyone would be.
"Ah, I was wondering when you would join us. Amelia, this is my youngest and only girl, Kalinda. Kalinda, this is Amelia, your brother's girlfriend," my mother said, by way of introducing us as I walked over to where they stood before the fire. Mom and dad where a united front, standing before a brunette woman who, with the boots I wore, was the same height as me.
Amelia turned around and my eyes widened in shock as they drank in the familiar face and magnificent blue eyes. "Professor Bell?" I choked out. She didn't seem as surprised to see me and once the shock of it wore away I started to feel incredibly stupid. Had she been dating my brother this whole time? Was that the reason she'd noticed me? Was he the reason that she treated me like I was something special?
"Hello Kali," she smiled as she blushed. My mother furrowed her brow as she looked between the two of us.
"So you teach at Kali's school?" My mother said, in mild interest and with a smile towards my teacher.
"Yes, she's a very bright girl. And I can see where your daughter gets her looks from, she looks just like you Mrs. Allen," Professor Bell said with a smile to my mother. I raised a brow at this, feeling sicker by the moment. Though she sounded sincere and I doubted she could be anything but, I took that as just flattering bull. My mother was a breath-taking, exotically beautiful woman and despite having two children managed to maintain a fantastic figure. I, apart from my eyes and hair and skin tone, really looked nothing like her. In fact, my slim build, was more from my father who was quite a slim man himself. In fact, Abel had more of my mother's sharp features. Though his were decidedly broader and more masculine.
Before anything more was said, Abel bounded into the room, full of energy and life as he always obnoxiously was. "What have I missed?" he asked as he strode up beside Professor Bell and placed a hand on her waist. This made me nauseous and I suddenly recalled my brothers ways and knew that this was not going to end well between them and that I would be caught in the crossfires.
I felt even more sick with this realization. "Well now that the meet and greet is over, I'm going back to my room," I announced, suddenly turning and heading towards the door.
"Kalinda-" my mother called out, however I merely raised my hand and continued walking out of the room and down the hall. These holidays had just turned into the holidays from hell.
Dinner was an awkward affair, at least for me. I merely picked at my food and became increasingly annoyed as Abel monopolized the conversation. Being as the kitchen table was round and both couples were sitting together, I got stuck sitting with Professor Bell on my right and my dad on my left. I could feel him eyeing me as I angrily poked my fork into the meat over, and over, and over. What made it really so much worse was that Abel was talking about how he and Professor Bell had met. Apparently she used to live in Falmouth, where the team he plays for is from and that they happened to run into each other once.
I'm not sure how they managed to maintain their relationship since she started working at Hogwarts, however, I supposed that the fact that their relationship was so long distance, that things were easier for Abel and it was the reason that he'd kept her around. Being with a woman who was away most of the time really suited him. It meant that he could mess around all he wanted without having to be concerned about getting caught.
"You know he used to talk a lot about you, Kali, since when we met I had just got word back that I was hired to teach at Hogwarts. It's all we talked about on our first meeting," Professor Bell said to me. She sounded a bit nervous, and I had a feeling it was my cold behavior towards her as I tended to be very nice to her.
I wasn't sure if she meant for me to be flattered by the comment, but it only served to piss me off more. It came off like my brother used me to get close to her. And I didn't like the idea of him talking about me to random people. What annoyed me most, was the fact that she knew intimate details about me long before she started teaching and had never mentioned the fact that she knew my brother before. It just seemed to taint everything she'd ever said that was nice to me in the last few months and I felt immensely disappointed and hurt, which only served to intensify the anger that I felt.
"Fascinating," I replied in deadpan. I couldn't bring myself to be outright rude, despite how pissed off I was. After all, she was my Professor and after the holidays were over, I would still have to deal with her for the remainder of the year. "Excuse me, but I'm really tired and don't really want to eat anymore," I said, suddenly getting up and leaving.
That night, I couldn't sleep. I merely lay in bed, my fingers absentmindedly traced the contours of my hip bones while I stared up at the ceiling wondering how it was possible for my life to have gotten so damned fucked up. The following days I spent much of my time in my room, sleeping in late and taking my lunch in my room. My family didn't think much of it, as really this wasn't very odd behavior on my part. The only time I really spent around my family was during dinner, and I couldn't bring myself to eat very much at that time, or during lunch either for that matter. Professor Bell tried to engage me in conversation, but all her attempts were met with monosyllabic responses.
On Christmas, I had to dress up to please my mother and the day seemed to drag rather painfully. By this time, I felt like I was losing my mind and was ready to snap. Even my fathers presents, a new set of quills and ink, did nothing to cheer me up. My mother's present, which was new dresses only served to vex me further. And being as the gift my brother gave me, which was probably chosen by Professor Bell in the first place, only made matters worse. I felt a little guilty for my treatment of her, being as her gift was really so lovely. It was a brand new sketchbook, with a brown, leather cover with intricate designs.
Before I realized what I was doing, I'd already named it. Pandora, the first of all my sketchbooks to receive a female name and the realization of what I did made me boil. When I got up to my room, I furiously flung the book against the wall and then crawled into bed, furious at my growing lack of control over what I was feeling. Laying down face first once more on my bed, I shut my eyes tight and willed myself to become numb once more before I utterly fucking lost it.
Calla
Christmas Holidays weren't ever exceptionally exciting. It was mostly quiet and I sort of preferred it that way. It gave me time to think and to study. It also gave me time to be lazy. I never generally woke up before eleven o'clock in the morning during the Holiday. Normally, everyone was gone and this year was no exception but even if everyone had stayed, it wouldn't have made a difference. It had been a month and still no one in Hufflepuff was speaking to me other than to ask me simple favors. Tara just flat out pretended I didn't exist and if on a rare occasion she did come into direct contact with me, she spoke to me stiffly and looked at me as though I were a pile of shit she'd just stepped in. Had I been the confrontational sort, I would've said something to her about how immature she was acting but I thought it best just to leave her alone because if she was going to be like that, she wasn't really worth my time nor was she worth the effort.
But this Holiday was different. There was someone I really wanted to see and be with because as much as I hated to admit it, I was lonely. I was a loner by nature but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy company every once in awhile. Really, I just wanted to see Snape and it was the perfect time to do so without upsetting Kalinda. I didn't know what to make of her veiled threat and I wasn't sure what she meant. Hell, I wasn't sure how she felt about Snape because she sort of made it sound like it wasn't so much of a romantic relationship as it was sexual. But she still had to care for him in that way. And as selfish as it sounded, I think I cared for him a lot more than she did in that way.
I waited until Christmas night to go see him. The presents had been dealt (I'd received nothing, as per usual, which always put me in a horrid mood for at least a few hours. The feast was what I really looked forward to anyway) and a lot of food had been consumed and I will admit that I even had a little eggnog. I don't normally drink but 'tis the season and all of that right? Plus I needed some sort of courage to go talk to him.
I spent a good half hour in front of the mirror preparing myself. Normally, I didn't go out of my way to look good and just went with what was comfortable as I found that trying to look my best just made me more self conscious than what I already was but I really needed the time to prepare myself to what to say to him. I'd thrown on a rather festive long tube top and had thrown a jumper over it. It showed off my cleavage nicely, I thought. Not too slutty but not too modest. I'd spent most of my Hogwarts years with no tits to speak of until sixth year they'd suddenly decided to blossom and by now they at least looked semi fully developed. Underneath the tube top, I'd pulled on a pair of plain black leggings. I brushed my hair completely straight so that it went way past my shoulders and then spiral curled the ends. I'd put on make up, though nothing remotely showy, just neutral colors to accentuate my deep brown skin tones. After applying and re-applying eyeliner for the sixth time, I decided it was probably best to head down there because it wouldn't get any better than that. And over all, I was pleased with how nice I cleaned up. My dorm mates were always constantly on my case about dressing up and putting on a little make up every once in awhile, but for the most part I ignored them. I never really had any reason to do so before now.
I padded down the corridors in socked feet (I hated shoes and did not wear them when I could get away with it) and down to the dungeons with a bottle clenched in my hand. Before I gave myself time to chicken out, I knocked loud and hard on Snape's office door. It took him all but three seconds to answer the door and then scowl deeply.
"What?" Snape asked, annoyed. My spirits fell slightly. Rude bastard.
"I just dropped by to wish you a merry Christmas and to give you my gift," I said in a defensive tone. "Can I come in?"
I thought for sure he'd say no, and I'm pretty sure he was thinking that but had a change of heart as he held open the door for me. It was absolutely cold down there and I regretted not wearing a bra because I'm sure my nipples were sticking out a mile.
I handed him the bottle and he took it, examining it with a critical eye.
"My parents went to Mexico for their anniversary and sent me some imported tequila to give to the professors."
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Your parents trust you with liquor?"
I shrugged. "I'm not a fan of tequila and they know it. And judging by my mum's nearly incomprehensible scrawl on the note she sent with the case, I'd say it's quality."
"I'm sure. The others were going on about it. They were pleased. I wasn't sure if I'd receive one or not."
"You are a professor," I pointed out. "I just wanted to give it to you personally, that's all."
"And I suppose you want to break it open now?"
"Not a fan of tequila. If you want to you can." I gave him a half smile. "I've already had more eggnog than I probably should've anyway."
"Is that why you're shoeless?"
I looked down at my lime green socks and then looked back up at him. "I just don't like wearing shoes."
He summoned a shot glass from what I assumed was his private sleeping quarters, poured himself a shot and proceeded to down in without so much as a grimace. I could smell it from where I was standing and it was making me slightly uneasy. He then poured himself another shot. He smacked his lips slightly.
"You're right. It is quality. Are you sure you don't want a shot?"
"No, thank you," I said. He screwed the cap back on and placed the bottle and shot glass on the desk. "I actually came here to talk to you."
Snape sat down in an armchair in front of the fire and I sat down on the couch opposite of him and tucked my legs under my knees casually.
"I should've figured," he said dully. "Well, get on with it."
I took a deep breath. I'd been practicing what I'd say for at least two days and now that the moment had arrived, all of it went out the window. "I just wanted to clear the air, that's all." He just looked at me intently as though he were trying to figure me out and to try and guess my next words. "I know we haven't exactly gotten along in the past..."
"That's an understatement if I ever heard one," he said with a snort. Apparently the tequila had loosened him up some which was good. "You've never liked me and I can't say that you're my favorite student."
"But I'm not your worst," I said, hopefully.
"No, I suppose not. You're actually exceptional at potions when you find the time to actually pay attention."
"Right well, that's all fine and dandy but I don't want to talk school work." I took a deep breath. "I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about. I won't say anything to anyone about you and Kalinda Allen."
"I know you won't," he said. "I told you I'd kill you if you did."
"And I don't doubt you one bit. I also wanted you to know that I'm not doing so for your benefit. I'm doing it for Kalinda's sake."
"How noble of you," Snape said dryly, which just annoyed me.
"And I wanted to tell you that I like you. I like you a lot in fact and I'm not sure why I do."
"Because you're demented, that's why." I chose to ignore this because he was pretty tipsy.
"I think you like me too, whether you realize it or not," I said in a near whisper. He suddenly looked very, very sober.
"Now you're just being delusional."
I suddenly felt very self conscious and foolish because maybe I was wrong. But something told me I wasn't. I could tell by the way he was looking at me now. He was flustered slightly and wouldn't look me in eye. His eyes traveled down to my legs and then up to my chest, which I didn't even bother covering up. He'd seen it before but this time I think he was considering me as something other than just another nuisance student. I just sat there, unaware of what to think or do, but I had to admit that it was turning me on in a way that it shouldn't have.
"You can't sit there and tell me you've never considered me in that way before," I said with a hint of a smile. I wanted to laugh.
"I stand by what I told Kalinda. I'm a one woman type of man," he said.
"Oh, you can spout off that crap to Kalinda but I don't believe it for one second, Snape."
"What exactly is it that you want from me, Bigsby?" He looked suspicious and uncertain, perhaps even a bit scared.
"I don't want anything from you other than the truth."
"The truth is you drive me mad. You annoy me and to be quite honest, if I knew you elsewhere, I'd probably have you murdered for the way you've treated me in the past."
"Fair enough," I said. "But I think there's another side to that coin."
For the longest time, he just stared at me with those cold black eyes. I just sat there, my back rigid as I waited for his response. I didn't think he'd flat out lie to me when presented with such a blunt question. He'd answered me truthfully about Kalinda but this wasn't about her, not really anyway.
"You intrigue me," Snape said finally. "I suppose that could be construed as interest."
"I think it's more than intrigue." I pointed out to him. "You wouldn't have been so keen to keep seeing my chest away from Kalinda."
"It was hardly any of her business."
"Yet, you did your best to separate us so I wouldn't say anything to her about it."
"I'm sure you're aware of the sort of relationship I maintain with Kalinda. It's purely physical. There's no emotional connection."
"How can you say that?" I asked. "She obviously cares for you or else she wouldn't get angry at you. The poor girl probably is starved for romantic interest from you."
"You don't have the slightest," Snape said with a slight sneer. "You don't know the first thing about what goes on between us. I doubt you've ever had any sort of relationship in your life."
"No," I said, a bit stung. "You're right. I've never been interested in any one until now."
It was quiet for a moment and he seemed to understand that he'd hurt my feelings a bit, which was strange because he never had a problem with doing it before. But I guess it was awkward. I've never been in a relationship, that was true, but that doesn't mean I didn't understand the fundamentals.
"Is that why you came down here, Bigsby? To talk to me about Kalinda Allen? Or was there some other pressing matter you wish to discuss?"
"No."I said. "I just wanted to let you know that I do really, really like you and that if things don't work about between you and...well, if things go south, I'm here."
I looked down at the ground and bit my lip. There was so much more I could've said, that I wanted to say and that I probably should've said. But I figured it was far too late and it probably wasn't anything he wanted to hear any way.
I heard him sigh and then stand. The next thing I knew, he was standing above me holding his hand out for me to take. I just looked at it as though it were poisonous but he cleared his throat impatiently, so I took it. And then I was in his arms and he was kissing me, like I'd never been kissed before. It felt as though my brain was melting with shock. I had not expected that at all. The only thing that really kept me glued to reality was the taste of tequila on him. Suddenly, tequila didn't seem that awful to me any more. Years later, the scent of tequila would bring me back to that single moment when everything changed for me. All I could do was sigh into his mouth.
When I felt as though all the air had been pumped from the room, I pulled away slowly, still feeling hazy and confused.
"You don't think I'm disgusting?" I asked.
"No," Snape said. "I don't."
"Well, that's a relief."
I'd never felt so warm and wanted in my life. It was a far cry from the first time that had happened which had brought me nothing but misery but even so, the reality began to sink in and I frowned. I touched my mouth, now horrified.
"What?" Snape asked, clearly annoyed. I closed my eyes and sank down into a chair.
"Kalinda," I muttered.
"What about her?"
That sent my mind reeling with all sorts of horrible thoughts. I could only imagine what Kalinda would do if she found out what had just happened. He was sort of off the hook for the first time around as I had sprung that on him without any warning what-so-ever and had in no way wanted it and had in every way made that abundantly clear. But this time, he'd kissed me, not the other way around.
It wasn't that Kalinda and I were the best of friends or anything like that but the fact that I did feel somewhat loyal towards her for being my friend in the first place that made me feel horribly guilty. When no one in my own house would talk to me, she would, which said a lot coming from a Slytherin. No other Slytherin would so willingly associate themselves with a Hufflepuff like me.
"It's not that I didn't enjoy that, in fact, I'd very much like to do it again but it's wrong..." I babbled. "I mean you're with Kalinda...and she's my friend. I'm dying of guilt just thinking about her sitting at home with her family completely oblivious..."
"You're not making any sense, Miss Bigsby," Snape said.
"I think I should go," I said, my voice high pitched. It felt as though my vocal chords were being pulled taut, almost to their limits and some one with hideously long finger nails were plucking them like a demented instrument. I stood abruptly but started towards the door. But Snape grabbed me and whirled me back around to face him.
"Stay," he said quietly. He stroked my face with a finger in something of an affectionate display. His face was hard to read, but I could've died right then and there. There was something reassuring in his eyes. "We'll worry about Kalinda later."
As easy as he may have thought that should've been, it wasn't. Though neither of my parents were deeply religious, my mother and father both had come from Irish-Catholic homes and had passed on the deep rooted guilt that came along with the upbringing.
"Well, it is Christmas after all," I reasoned with myself, as if that had anything to do with anything. Snape gave me a crooked half smile and brought his mouth to mine once more.
Things began to pick up at a rapid rate. His kiss gradually became more predatory rather than the hopeful, apprehensive kisses I'd received before. My mum loved those grotty little romance novels and out of sheer boredom fueled by developing hormones, I'd read a bit into them myself, but mainly only the dirty parts. In every single one of them, the hero always kisses the heroine hungrily, a description that was always off putting to me because I always imagined the man trying to devour the lower half of the woman's face. I never really read into the urgency that it was supposed to mean, but now I understood fully. While I'm sure that from the outside looking in, it did seem like Snape was in fact trying to ingest my mouth and chin, I didn't really mind all that much. His hands were all over me and as cliched as it probably sounds, it electrified me.
I hadn't noticed that Snape had freed his hands away from me long enough to wave his wand and conjure a bunch of pillows and blankets as well as light a fire. I hardly had time to react as he pulled me down on top of the bed of pillows and quilts. As hard as the floor was underneath us, I hardly noticed, even when he had pinned me down with his body. I went rigid as his hands moved down to my breasts. Sure, he'd seen them before but that didn't make things any less uncomfortable. That and the fact that he was sporting a massive woody and was currently grinding it into me as though I wasn't already aware of it.
"Stop," I said and sat up. I hadn't realized that my shirt had slid down and that I was exposing myself. I'm not sure if all that jumbling about had caused it to slide down or if Snape had done it. I guess it wasn't really all that important but I was sort of mortified. I quickly pulled my shirt back up and once the twins were put away and secured, I looked up at him. His hair was a mess as he was flushed and sweaty. All in all, he'd never been more attractive to me more than he did at that moment.
"I don't understand," he said. "Am I doing something wrong? You seemed like you were enjoying yourself."
"No, no," I said and shook my head. "It's just...I'm a wee bit uncomfortable...because..." Admitting that I was a virgin was not easy for some reason. It honestly seemed that he expected to be a lot more experienced than what I actually was. "I've never actually..."
"I think I understand," said Snape. I nodded my head to confirm that yes, it was what he was thinking. He sighed slightly. Thankfully he wasn't angry with me, which I fully expected him to be. "You should've said something. I wouldn't have gone so far so fast."
"That's nice to know but I didn't really have much of a chance," I said and scowled slightly.
"I just assumed that..."
"That I'm a big whore?" I teased. He looked slightly horrified.
"That's not what I meant at all and you know it," Snape said.
"In case you haven't noticed, the boys aren't exactly lining up to be with me," I said matter-o-factly. "I'm not a prude, I just have never...well, you know."
He arched a brow. "You don't have to explain yourself, Bigsby. I know full well you aren't a prude."
It was all I could do to keep from crying. I let out a huge sigh and laid back down. Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes but I remained steadfast in my refusal to let them fall.
"I'm not completely adverse to the idea," I said with a slight sniffle.
"I'm not going to force you into something you don't want to do," Snape said. "You are still a student after all. The last thing I need is for you to go running to the Headmaster, telling him I'd forced myself on you."
"Is that the only thing keeping you a gentleman? And there I thought you respected me."
He snorted and I couldn't help it. I had to laugh. I'm not sure why that didn't piss me off like it should have but then again, I'm not a normal girl by any circumstance. Part of me realized that it was that prickly, tart sense of humor of his that attracted me to begin with. Sure, his biting remarks did sting but I enjoyed it at the same time too for some really fucked up reason.
"Besides, what makes you think I'd sleep with you after all the shit you've put me through since you started teaching?" I asked.
"To be fair, you fueled the fire. I'm not the only person to blame here."
"Yes, but you've never liked me," I argued.
"I think I just proved that I had the opposite feelings just a few moments ago," he said as he slid in under a blanket beside me. It felt nice when he curled an arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I suddenly felt sleepy and euphoric, as though I'd smoked a bunch of marijuana, only it was about a squillion times better. But as my eyes drooped shut, I remembered Kalinda. I felt a horrible sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. I was angry with myself and angry with Snape for betraying her like we were on two different levels.
"Professor?" I asked meekly. I could tell by his deep breathing that he was just about to doze off completely. He stirred slightly at the sound of my voice. "I'm not sure I can do this."
"Do what?" He muttered sleepily.
"Carry on with you," I replied.
"I told you not to worry about it for right now. I just want to enjoy myself for the time being."
"As lovely as that would be, I can't." I felt myself start to tremble and then I found myself crying, though I wasn't sure why. I expected Snape to get irritated and to snap at me but he didn't say a word. He stroked the hair behind my ear and planted light kisses on my jaw line. That only made me cry more. I longed for the days when things were uncomplicated and I hated him. Not even an hour ago, things seemed a lot more simpler. But now, we had gotten ourselves into one huge fucking mess.
TBC...
Author's Note: Again, it's me, Eyesuhkattspeleeng (although, I'll probably just refer to myself by my given first name, Kari, from now on. Make a note), updating. Hades'Queen still doesn't have internet access but hopefully will soon. She just had a birthday yesterday and even though I texted her and told her, I'm saying it here again. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU.
Sorry if this chapter seems obscenely long. I'm the one that put it together and I have a habit of making shit really long. We write all of this on Google Drive because it's easier to share that way and when we write each other's characters we can do it in real time and not sit there and copy and paste a bunch of writing back and forth. But long story short, we have all of this broken down into parts and most of mine are always at least five times longer than hers. I have yet to decide if it annoys her or not but she has to tell me to make new parts.
I've said this before, we've been working for a little over two years on this. This story saw me through my pregnancy and through my first couple years of motherhood and it means a lot to both of us. Since we worked so hard and so long on this, perhaps you guys could do us a solid and review. For those of you who have reviewed, thank you SO much and please continue to keep reviewing.