Hey everyone, I am still alive. sorry it has been so long, but third and final year of my degree had to come before FF writting im afraid. Anyway, here is the latest chapter which has been sitting on my laptop since the last time i updated which i think was in January :/. Hope you enjoy it and i promise the next chapter will be up as soon as it is finished :)

Bella's POV

As soon as I left that girl at the hospital, I asked Carlisle to call me to let me know how she was. I know that she was safe while she was in the hospital, I just wanted to make sure that that bastard hadn't done any permanent damage when he had hit her head against the wall.

I called into the nursery on the way home, and sure enough there was a pile of files waiting for me to pick up.

"Hey Bella. How are you?" One of the girls, Nicole asked me as I walked into our reception area.

"Hey, I'm fine thank you. I'm feeling a bit cooped up in the house. Fell like I need to get some work done." I told her as I looked through everything. Alice had been busy taking care of everything while I had been away, and she had done a really good job of it. The office was organised, the rooms were organised. Everyone looked really happy.

"Well, we have been really busy. There are new applicant files in the office for you. Alice said you would come in for them." She said looking at my eyes. I totally forgot that they would probably be blood red by now. Shit!

"That's great thanks. I'll just pick them up and then I'll be out of here." I told her as I walked into the office.

"Why do you have contacts in?" She asked me.

"Me and my brother in law were doing dares with each other, I dared him to do something, he dared me to do this. I look ridiculous I know. Im jumping straight in my car and going home after this and hiding my eyes behind sun glasses." I told her, laughing.

"Oh, well they look really real. I could have sworn your eyes were actually red. I'll see you soon Bella" She said, picking up some papers and turning away to go back into the baby room.

I sighed as I picked up the files and left the nursery in a rush to get to my car, before anyone else noticed it.

I really wasn't looking forward to going home. I would like to say that Jasper would let me explain myself, but I knew that he would take one look at my eyes and demand an explanation. And I would give one to him.

It didn't take me long to get back to the house after I had been to the nursery. Alice was standing in the garage as I parked my car. I couldn't read the expression on her face, but I could tell that it wasn't a good one.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" I asked her as I got out of the car.

She didn't answer me, she came over to me and looked in my eyes. The frown on her face deepened as my blood red eyes only confirmed what she knew.

"What have you done? Carlisle called earlier to say that you had taken a girl into the hospital after you had killed the man who had tried to hurt her." She said, she was going to continue until I stopped her.

"Is the girl ok? I asked Carlisle to tell me if she was ok." I said.

"What? Yes, the girl is fine. A little shaken up, but fine. The question is, why were you following her in the first place?" she asked me.

"I knew that… monster was going to hurt her. You cant tell me that if you thought someone was in danger, you would sit back and ignore it?" I asked her as I went to walk into the house.

"I'm not saying that. But I would have found a better way of dealing with it. I wouldn't have killed the man." She exclaimed.

"Of course you would have Alice! But I'm not you! I react to seeing an attempted rape different to you. I have to go find Jasper, I'm sure he has something to say about this situation as well!" I said as I left Alice standing there with her mouth wife open.

I went upstairs to look for Jasper, but I didn't have to look far for my husband when I got upstairs. Of course he has heard everything that Alice and I had been speaking about down stairs.

"Don't you dare start with me! I've had an ear full of Alice downstairs." I said to Jasper as I walked into out room.

"I don't care what Alice has said to you? I have a few questions for you. To start with, What the hell were you thinking?" Jasper asked me, his face full of anger.

I didn't answer him, I just turned my back on him and focused on hiding my emotions from Jasper. I knew he hated it when I did this, but I know that if I didn't he would know that I was hiding something deeper that just the guilt that I had killed another person. Even is that guilt was slight.

"Bella? This is slightly worse than the last time. At least that was in an area where you could hide the bodies. You killed a man today in Public. Do you know how much of a risk that puts you in? Us all in?" he asked me angrily.

"Yes I know. I was stupid, but I wasn't exactly thinking about what I was doing. I reacted to a situation. It wasn't something I thought about, clearly!" I answered back in anger.

"You obviously were not thinking…

"Oh and everything you have done you were thinking about and planed how you would react? You cant honestly tell me that you have never reacted in anger. Or fear?" I asked him, tears filling my eyes out of anger. Not at Jasper. Not really, I just didn't understand why he couldn't see that what I had done was a good thing.

"You know the answer to that question. You know I have done things that I am not proud of, and I let my emotions get the better of me."

"Then why cant you see that I am in the same situation? I reacted out of fear. Not for myself, but for the girl who that man was trying to rape, and more than likely kill her." I growled at him.

"It was not your place to do anything? Things like that happen everyday, you cant be there to save them all." Jasper said, his voice sounding calmer now.

"I could save this one. And I did. Don't tell me that it wasn't the right thing to do!" I said through gritted teeth. I moved away from Jasper and headed for window that was at the edge of the room.

"Where are you going?" Jasper asked me.

"For a run, I need to calm down. Otherwise I'm going to hit you." I said as I opened the window.

"And why would you hit me? You are the one who has done something stupid and reckless." Jasper said from behind me.

"Yes it was stupid and reckless, but when have a ever done anything without reason. I had a reason for doing what I did today and You have just shouted at me, not giving a damn about what I am feeling." I told him.

I didn't give him a chance to answer, as I jumped out of the window and ran into the forest. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew that I needed to get away from him when he was like this. I knew that if I tried to explain to him why I did what I did, I would let my anger rise to the top, and let it out on him. I didn't want that. This was my burden to bare, I didn't need Jasper to have to deal with it as well. Although, it might help things if he did know, then he would be able to help me.

I don't know! I should tell him, he is the father of my children and my mate. I should be able to tell him anything, but this was just to hard to tell him.

I ran for a few more minutes before I was deep in the forest. I climbed the highest tree I could find, right to the top and sat there in the quite, just watching the world go by around me.

I must have left my guard down to much, because it wasn't long before I heard someone moving on the forest floor below me.

"Bella!" I heard someone call me from below the tree.

I looked down and saw Edward standing there looking around.

"Edward? What are you doing here?" I asked him.

He looked up to the tree where I was sitting, and began to climb. I watched as he climbed higher and higher until he was on the branch next to me.

"Are you ok? I heard you and Jasper having a bit of an argument back at the house." He asked.

"I'm fine. Jasper is angry, but I don't blame him. I slipped up again." I told him.

"I gathered. He shouldn't be so angry at you. We all slip up at some point, its only natural."

"Yes, but I have done it twice, only within a few weeks of each other." I said.

"And you think Jasper hasn't killed more than that in a less space of time?" Edward asked me.

"That was different. Jasper killed because he had to, not because he wanted to. I did this on my own free will." I told him.

"But there must have been something that pushed you. You are not a killer Bella. You're not capable of it." He said.

"How do you know what I'm capable of? You don't know anything about me and my past. How do you know that something didn't happen to me back then?" I growled at him.

He looked at me, clearly taken aback by my out burst.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine, but clearly you have some issues that you haven't told Jasper about." He said.

"I can't tell him." I said.

"You do know that if you don't tell him, he will figure it out eventually. Jasper isn't that stupid Bella." Edward reminded me.

"I know. But I'm scared what it will do to me as well, if I open up about what happened. I can't afford to break, I have two babies to look after." I said.

"I think that might be a risk that you will have to take. You cant hide things from Jasper, and you know that everyone will be here to support you if you ever feel like you are falling apart. But the first thing you have to do it to tell someone. If not Jasper or me, what about Alice, or Rosalie? You need to talk to someone." Edward said.

When I didn't answer, Edward got the hint that I wanted to be on my own, so he jumped down from the tree and went back in the direction of the house.

I don't know how long I sat in the tree for after Edward left, but it was long enough for me to put myself into perspective. I know I needed to tell Jasper about my past, but I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. It hurt so much to even think about it. Talking about it would be worse, even if it was to Jasper, the one person who I was suppose to be able to tell anything to.

I finally decided that I was going to tell him everything.

I jumped down from the tree and was just about to run back to the house when I heard someone moving up ahead.

"Bella?" I head Jasper call from up ahead.

"Jasper? What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I have come to apologise. I shouldn't have snapped at you back at the house." He said.

"Well, I'm glad you can admit that." I said as I walked past him.

He reached out and grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you by shouting at you, I was just confused about what had happened. Edward thinks there is something you wanted to tell me." He said as he sat on the ground, and pulled me into his lap with the hand that he still had wrapped around my wrist.

"Yeah, I do need to tell you something. Its just going to be hard for me that's all." I told him as I made myself more comfortable in his lap.

"Well, I'm going to be here for you. No matter how hard it is for you." He said as he leaned in and kissed me.

So? thoughts? I know where i am going with this so please keep reading the next chapter will (hopefully) get everything moving. As always, reviews are always welcome.

Thanks.

XXCullenXX

xxx