Kalinda
I was counting down the days until the stupid holidays were over. At least being at school, the only time I'd have to see Bell was when I was in her class. And I wouldn't have to continue running into her in affectionate stances with my brother. They made me want to projectile vomit. However, at least Professor Bell had the decency to be embarrassed whenever I caught them at it, but that didn't make things any better.
Things finally got out of hand on New Years Eve. In the morning I was simply laying in bed, preparing for another day of completely avoiding my family and our guest, of which there would be several more as family was coming in to celebrate, when I heard someone knock on my door. I sighed and called on whoever it was to come in as I slowly sat up on my bed. I was startled and annoyed when I saw Professor Bell walk into my room and smile nervously at me. I was further vexed and flushed angrily at the fact that my heart started pounding excitedly while butterflies arose in my stomach. I couldn't believe I still felt something for her despite the fact that she had been deceiving me!
"Your mother asked me to come get you. She says she'd like you to help us in the kitchen today," Professor Bell said with a smile at me. I honestly thought my mother had lost her freaking mind. She knew how much I abhorred helping out in the kitchen or doing any sort of chores. She'd never managed to get me to help, what did she think had changed now? I mean, it wasn't the first time that family were coming over. She'd managed admirably without my help in the past, I was sure she could do the same today.
"I was about to start on my homework. I actually have a lot and I haven't done any of it yet and I don't want to leave it last minute," I said coldly, as I rolled off my bed and gave my back to her. The truth was, I had already finished all my homework quite early on. Being as I had spent so much time in my room, and as you can only read and draw for a certain amount of hours at a time, I thought I'd do something useful with my time. Therefore, my homework had been completed days ago. Even before Christmas. However, I thought that was the least rude thing I could say to get her to leave.
For a moment, I thought it had worked as I pretended to look for something on a bookcase, as I heard the door of my room close. I was about to sigh in relief and return to laying on my bed when I suddenly heard her voice and it sent a shiver up my spine. I was shocked, as I thought she had left. "Kali, does my presence in your home make you uncomfortable?" she asked, causing me to whirl around. I couldn't believe she was still in my room, much less that she had asked me.
However, considering the fact that she noticed, I didn't want to lie. "Uncomfortable doesn't begin to cover it," I said as I crossed my arms over my chest and eyed her coldly. She seemed shocked by this response, and I no longer cared if she thought I was a bitch or being rude, or what she could possibly do to me once we returned to school. "To be honest, I resent you never informing me of the fact that you were acquainted with my brother and I feel as though the only reason you have been kind to me is because you're trying to gain points with the family of your boyfriend," I said. There was more I would have liked to say, about her relationship with my brother, things I thought she should know, however, it was my brother. I couldn't bring myself to ruin his relationship, even though I knew it might spare her a lot of pain in the future.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, its just the relationship was new and I wasn't sure it would last long and I didn't want to put you in an awkward position by informing you of it in case it didn't," she said with a frown. This really didn't abate my anger. "Although, I've never lied to you. I really think you are a special girl Kalinda, and my noticing you had nothing to do with your brother. I mean yes I was curious about the girl he was related to and spoke so fondly of, but that's not the reason I wanted to be acquainted with you."
That, unfortunately, kind of did. My anger melted away and gnawing guilt set in. "If you would like for me to leave-"
"Professor Bell, that won't be necessary," I said, and her smile suddenly brightened and lit up her face. I frowned at this, knowing that despite what I saw, things still couldn't go back to how they had been. "But I still think it would be for the best if you kept your distance. For the time being, you are still my Professor and I think its best lines don't become blurred between personal and professional, at least not while I remain your student," I went on.
I had already made that mistake before and it seemed unwise to repeat it, even if our relationship was nothing but platonic. And even if there was a chance for something more, which I highly doubted seeing as she seemed completely straight and I wasn't even sure what I felt, the fact remained that she was my brother's girl.
"I understand, Kali," she said, nodding slightly before turning and hastily exiting.
The following couple hours really seemed to speed by as I was not looking up to having to dress up and deal with my family. My father has an older brother, Uncle Richard, who was oddly enough also a muggle-born wizard and he has a daughter, Elizabeth, who is two years younger than I am. She and I don't get along, to say the least, and it's a good thing we are in different years and houses or else we would probably gouged each other's eyes out. Coincidentally, she's a Gryffindor; enough said.
My father's parents are dead and he has no other relatives he's particularly close to. As for my mother, her parents died before I ever met them and I really don't know much about them as I never asked about them. However, my mother has three siblings, an older brother and sister and then a younger sister.
Her brother, Uncle Amir, is the oldest and has been married four times already and has had no children, something he's not happy about. He blames it on his wives and divorces them after a year if they don't produce him an heir. Why can the man do this? Other than the fact that he is devastatingly good-looking despite the fact that he is growing in grey hair into his raven colored hair, he is also filthy rich. However, the one good thing about the fact that he is probably sterile is that he dotes on his nieces and nephews, most especially his nieces as he apparently wants a baby girl. He says he wants a girl so he can treat her like a princess and spoil her rotten.
My mother's eldest sister Farrah, has seven children. Her eldest is Naveed, who is four years older than Able and is married and about to have his first child, of gender yet unknown. Darius is the second, two years older than Able and currently engaged. Cyrus is Able's age and rumor has it he has three illegitimate daughters, all of whom he's not allowed to see by their respective mothers. Next are Rashaun, Parvais and Xerxes, all of whom were born two years apart. And last, but not least is Kyra, the only girl in the lot and was born only a year or so after Xerxes.
Aunt Farrah, due to having so many children, is no longer a very thin woman. However, she has an amazing amount of energy. I mean she had to, to have had so many children. However, Aunt Farrah has always been the most nurturing and loving of women, not to say she can't be strict and hard-handed as well. Mother says Aunt Farrah didn't set out to have so many children, however, mother says that Aunt Farrah always used to say that she would only stop procreating until she had a girl. I suppose she's lucky she had Kyra when she did, otherwise who knows how many children she would have had.
Keiki, is the only one of my mother's siblings who is younger than she is. Like my mother, Aunt Keiki is stunning and equally vain as she is, however, Aunt Keiki is considered the far more selfish one. Once Keiki married, she refused to procreate for years. In fact she was married for nearly a decade when she finally decided to have a child and the only reason she finally caved was because she thought she was going to lose her rich, French husband. Aunt Keiki only had one child, a boy named Fabrice who is also about my age. He is insufferably conceited and can understand and speak Enligsh fluently enough, but pretends that he doesn't speak a word of English so he won't have to socialize. How do I know this, because I caught him speaking in English to Aunt Keiki on one occasion years ago. In exchange for my continuous silence, he must do whatever I wish whenever I ask.
The gathering of so many family members typically makes my head spin and I'm glad that on a good year, it only occurs on New Years being as my family is so wide spread. Uncle Amir likes to travel a lot and has homes in India, Egypt, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Jamaica, and even one in Hawaii. Aunt Farrah along with most of her children live in India. Aunt Keiki lives in France with her husband. Uncle Richard lives in Carlisle very near the border of Scotland, whereas we live in London. The only family member I see most often is my cousin Elizabeth and being as I avoid her like the plague and Hogwarts is quite big, I hardly even see much of her. Able, Elizabeth and I are the only ones that attended Hogwarts other than our fathers of course. Fabrice I think is in his final year at Beauxbaton. All of Farrah's children went to a wizarding school near Agra.
I decided to wear a pretty plain, but still elegant, silver dress with matching flats. I had only put on a light bit of make up as I had on Christmas, before heading down the stairs and into the kitchen. I wasn't surprised to see that though it was early, that Aunt Farrah had already arrived. She always did arrive early to whoever was hosting the New Year's party to help out with the meal. When she saw me she smiled and engulfed me in a tight hug.
Her long, black, curly hair was thick and tickled my face. She smells deliciously of spices. However, I don't think my arms can quite get around her and I found myself blushing when I noticed Professor Bell watching with a warm smile from where she stood next to my mother at the kitchen counter. Public displays of affection made me uncomfortable, especially when I was involved.
"Kalinda, you get taller every year. You better stop growing," my Aunt said as she pulled away and returned to her task. "Why didn't you come down earlier to help us with the food?"
"I had homework to do," I merely replied as I walked over and sat at the table. "Where's your family?"
"Your uncle is in the living room, watching television with your father and Able. Naveed and his wife aren't coming. It seems she's rather delicate, what with her about to give birth and its not good for her to travel. Darius decided to spend the new years with his fiancees family so he won't be coming either. But Kyra, Parvais, Rashaun and Xerxes will all be coming a little later."
"What about Cyrus?" I asked, wishing to focus on Aunt Farrah and not look at Professor Bell.
"That boy is lost, haven't heard from him in three weeks," Aunt Farrah said, without much concern. Cyrus, like Able, plays professional Quidditch. However, he plays in the Indian League. He's even good enough to be picked for their national team. "But I doubt that boy will come. I'm sure he's out sowing more oats," she said with a roll of her eyes.
However, before anymore was exchanged, the bell rang. "I'll get it," I said, rising from the table and rushing out of the room. I felt like Professor Bell's eyes kept wandering over to me, watching me curiously my exchange with my family, and I didn't think I could take much of it. When I got to the door and threw it open, I raised a brow when I was suddenly engulfed in the arms of a girl an inch or two shorter and curvier than me, but with the same skin tone, eyes and hair.
"Where's my mum?" I looked past her to see three tall men behind her. Rashaun, though the oldest of the three was the shortest and darkest, he was also the stockiest, in a muscular way. He had to be being as he was a Dragon tamer. He didn't have hair either as he chose to shave his head. Actually, I'm quite sure he shaved most of his body to keep from being burned too badly. On his neck, he had a vicious scar he said was caused by the spiked end of a Hungarian Horntail.
Parvais, who had been the one that spoke, was really rather dainty and wore his straight, black hair as long as I did. Typically, he tied it in a half-ponytail. Parvais also liked to wear black eyeliner and I'm sure he curled his eyelashes and put on mascara to boot. For this reason, he was picked on by ALL of his siblings, including Kyra. Although, they were all simply playing with him. They really didn't mean anything by it. Unfortunately, Parvais is the type to really take things to heart.
Xerxes, was a mini Rashaun. Although not so mini as he was actually rather tall. Everyone calls him mini-Ra though because he has always idolized Rashaun and tried to emulate him, he even shaved his head like his older brother, even though the look did not suit his features as well.
"Hello to you too, Parvais. She's in the kitchen," I said as Kyra pulled away. Parvais immediately slipped in the doorway without touching me and headed towards the kitchen, a feat that Rashaun, Xerxes, hell even Kyra, wouldn't have been able to accomplish without bumping into me.
"Is our father in the living room?" Rashaun asked, in his very deep voice. Rashaun, like me, never smiled and he was in fact my favorite male perhaps on the planet, after my father though I'd never let that on. He didn't speak much, or show emotion. He was as polite as can be for a man of few words. However, he was also immensely patient, which is why I admired him all the more. I can't imagine how he could keep his patience with Xerxes always following him around like a puppy. He was really the perfect gentleman and really all man. If he weren't my cousin, I would have jumped him.
"Yes," I said, standing aside and waving my cousins inside. Kyra, who was wearing blue jeans, heels, and a dressy black shirt with her hair done up in a chignon stepped in daintily and stood next to me, waiting for her brothers to depart.
"Sorry about Parvais, you know how impetuous he can be," Rashaun went on, giving me a sly wink before giving me a short nod of his head, a bow for him, before proceeding to the living room with Xerxes on his heels. I rolled my eyes as I closed the door and turned to Kyra who was staring at me all the while.
"Come on, there is something I have to tell you," she said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the stairs. Kyra and I, despite seeing each other so infrequently, got along very well, which I didn't understand considering she tended to be well liked and a bit of a wild child. She always told me I was the sister she never had, when we got older, I started asking her 'what about Parvais' which always got a laugh form her.
"Shouldn't you say hello to your mother first?" posing her no resistance as I followed her up the stairs to my room.
"I still live with the woman, I see her every day! I don't need to say hello," Kyra responded. "And Kali, we must do something about your hair," she said as she turned to gaze at me with her large, beautiful eyes before shaking her head in disapproval and turning back around. Kyra, like my mother and Aunt Keiki, is quite concerned about personal appearance and like them is amazingly beautiful and has a nice body. I'd be jealous, if I weren't so fond of her. "Sit your skinny butt down," she said when we got into my room after she left go of me and shut the door.
"Hey my arse is rounder than yours," I pointed out as I sat while she grabbed the box on one of my bookshelves in which I kept most of my accessories and crap to put in my hair. She came back to the bed and kind of sat behind me to fix my hair, after setting the box down on the bed next to her and opening it up.
"I know! I'm so jealous. But hey, at least I got nice boobs," she said and I could hear the smile in her voice as she started brushing my hair. I smiled in amusement at this. Kyra was perhaps the person who has seen me smile the most. She's probably the only person I can confide in and talk about my private life to. "So what did you want to tell me?"
"You know how I haven't been able to get a job teaching because most schools are boarding schools and require you to live at the school? Well there is a school in Tokyo where you can commute and I applied for the Arithmancy position and I got it!"
I furrowed my brow at this, seeing various flaws with this plan and wondering if Kyra had even thought about it. She did tend to just go with the flow of things without much thought. "Wouldn't commuting from all the way in India be hell? And since when do you speak Japanese?" I asked a bit sardonically.
"I don't really have to speak Japanese, apparently in Japanese Wizarding schools, English courses are taught intensely and I can learn enough Japanese in the coming months before the next school year starts up to bridge the gap. And I won't be commuting from India. I talked to Uncle Amir and he told me I can move into his house in Tokyo-"
"When did he get a house in Japan?" I asked with a furrowed brow as I turned around. This slightly annoyed Kyra who tugged on my hair.
"You've messed up the fishnet braid. You know how long it takes to braid your long ass hair!" She said in a slightly vexed tone.
"Yes, that's why I don't braid it," I pointed out.
"Right. And well apparently the house in Tokyo is a new acquisition. He only got it a few months ago, but I don't think he much liked Japan and he says I can stay there free for as long as I want," she said. I raised a brow at this. Uncle Amir rarely let anyone stay in one of his homes, even if he wasn't staying there. He'd certainly never allowed any of my cousins stay in his homes. Although I suppose that's because for the most part they are male, and quite messy and Uncle Amir doesn't want them messing up his houses.
"Well that's great," I said just as she finished the braids and placed small little white beads all down the braid. I felt a little disappointed that Kyra was moving even farther away than she already was, however, she seemed really happy about the move and besides, it wasn't as if we saw each other all that often as it was. "I assume you haven't told your mum. How do you think she will take it?" I asked as I stood up when she said she was done and walked over to my closet to check out her work in the mirror.
"Oh you know her, I'm sure she won't be exactly happy about it, but she'll get used to the idea. Its not like I could stay home forever," Kyra said with a shrug as she looked down and closed the box with my things before walking over and placing it back on its shelf. I could see all her actions in the mirror. "You would think she'd be happy that she's finally done raising all her children, but I don't think she can tire of being a mother. Its a good thing that Naveed is having a kid already and Darius better follow up quick with another grandchild or Naveed's wife is gonna lose it. You know mum is actually going to go stay with them for the first couple weeks after the baby is born?" Kyra said, laughing.
I merely nodded as focused my gaze on myself. The braid really looked pretty and fancy. She left it kind of loose and off to the the left side so it softened my thin face. I feel like tight braids, buns and ponytails, make my face look a bit severe being as its so thin and I never smile. "So tell me Kali, how are you and your Professor? I haven't really heard from you much this past semester."
Yes, I had told Kyra about my relationship with Professor Snape and the type of relationship it was. I was relieved that she didn't judge me for it, but I didn't ever let on to her how much I liked him or cared about him and this past semester I had been rather negligent in my letter writing. I hadn't quite been able to bring myself to tell her about my blossoming feelings for Professor Bell.
"No I've been busy," I said with a frown. "And things have been... odd," I said as I turned around and walked back to my bed. I slipped off my shoes before crawling on top of it and sitting against the headboard and pillows and tucking my legs underneath myself. I watched Kyra raised her perfectly thin, much-threaded brow.
"Odd? How?" she asked as she slowly approached the bed and sat on the edge.
"I'm not sure. I feel as though I'm ready to move on and yet... things bother me that shouldn't. Like, not too long ago, my friend Calla told me that she kissed him and... obviously she didn't know I've been having sex with him for over a year, but it kind of bothered me. Especially since he didn't tell me about it. I mean it if really happened the way they both claimed it did, that she threw herself at him and he pushed her away and that he feels nothing for her, than why did it bother me?
"I mean it shouldn't really, I mean all we have is a sexual relationship, and I honestly think that its time for me to move on, but it kind of pissed me off. And I don't know if its simply because I feel like she betrayed me, or like they're screwing around behind my back and laughing at me and I'm just pissed my pride is wounded or what."
"Well if they only kissed one time, what makes you think they are screwing around behind your back?" Kyra asked with a furrowed brow as she stared at me.
"Well, I don't... not really. I mean I think there is something going on between them, but not to that extent. I mean shortly after the kiss she had some sort of accident where she was injured and he was the one that checked her and he hid the fact from me. Then shortly after that, he separated us in his class, so she wouldn't talk to me. And then not long before break he let me know that he had seen her again in private, to check her injury or something, and apparently she told him that she knew about our relationship, that she had overheard some conversation he and I had. And the next time I saw her and we talked, she told me that she was staying over break and that she was hoping to speak to Severus, you know implying she wanted to try something-"
"Wait- Kali just what the hell kind of friend do you have? She knows you're seeing this Professor and she tells you that she's going to make a move on him?" Kyra asked sounding thoroughly pissed and looking outraged.
"I highly doubt she was really serious about that. I think she was just gauging me for reaction, to try to get me to tell her about Severus and I."
"And if she was serious? You realize she's practically alone with him in that great big castle that is your school, right? You feel nothing about that?" Kyra asked, her large dark eyes giving me an intense stare. I turned and looked towards the door as I heard the doorbell ring, glad that I could look away. Kyra knows me almost better than anyone else. Though I've never admitted to feeling anything other than physical attraction for Severus to her, she knows better than to think that I feel nothing at all for him. However, despite knowing that she must suspect it, I couldn't really bring myself to admit it. Hell, even admitting to Calla that I cared for him more than I cared to admit was painful to me. "Kali."
I turned to look back at Kyra and shrugged. "I don't know Kyra. I... I suppose I love him in the sense that I care very deeply for him. But... I don't think that's what we are supposed to look for."
"What do you mean?" Kyra asked in confusion, furrowing her brow.
"In Plato's Symposium the human race were beings of two heads, two sets of arms and legs. Zeus split them in half because he feared their strength. So we are only halves and we search for that part of us which makes us whole. Those whose other half has already perished must settle for just any other, but I'm not ready to settle and ... no matter how much I care for Severus... he's just not that other part of me that I can't picture living without," I explained though I couldn't bring myself to look at Kyra.
"I knew you were a romantic at heart," Kyra teased and I could hear the grin in her voice. I felt myself blush at this in embarrassment. I loathed the idea of anyone thinking I was a romantic. I wasn't, really. I mean I'm quite aware that finding someone who compliments you in every way and makes you feel complete is probably impossible. "However, how are you so sure that Severus isn't your other half?"
"Because I care for him, but I can't really bring myself to say I'm in love with him even to myself, much less to him. And frankly, I don't know very much about him because he won't share and I definitely don't know what he feels for me. I know what he wants, I can sense what he needs, but he'd never bring himself to say it. I doubt he can even admit it to himself. And he'll never provide what I need and I can't bring myself to ask him to and even if I did I know he wouldn't be able to provide it. He might try, actually I'm almost certain he would try, but it would be forced and that's not what I want. Its just... we're so alike and yet... I'm sure he doesn't understand me at all," I explained in a jaded tone.
"Well it sounds to me as though you are in a codependent relationship and that's never healthy. I suggest you break it off. Hell who knows, maybe your friend Calla is his other half and you should clear the way for them."
"No, I don't think she is," I said pensively. Truly, I didn't think Severus had another half and probably wasn't looking. I rather felt he would settle, and I didn't want to be what he settled for. I deserved more than that and Calla does too. However, I don't think Calla believes in other halves, so I don't think it would make much of a difference to her just as it probably wouldn't for Severus. Sometimes I felt that that would make their relationship... not codependent somehow. They would probably be able to have fun together and Severus and I... its not that we didn't, but we are just both so serious and severe.
"Well then... I don't know what to tell you Kali. I personally don't believe in other halves and I wouldn't risk passing up something good for a dream," she said before suddenly looking at me. "But Kali you hide everything you feel and think, so deeply inside yourself like its a hideous weakness or deformity. I don't think you let anyone see the real you, they can only catch glimpses if they are lucky and... love you for it. You've built a tomb in which you have laid to rest everything that is truly you and you don't live. I think before you make a decision and let this man you admit to loving, something monumental in itself, go you should just let yourself be you. Live up to everything you are Kali. Be the sun I know you are."
I furrowed my brow at this. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to such a discourse. However, I was saved from having to say anything when the room of my door opened and my cousin Elizabeth came in. "Your mother said you were in here and told me to come up so I wouldn't be bored," she said as she rolled her brown eyes and flipped her long, curly, dark brown hair over her shoulder after shutting the door.
I found myself glaring up at her as I swung my legs off the bed and put my shoes on. I wanted to snap at her, however, made myself stop. The last time I let Elizabeth get the better of me, I ripped a fistful of her hair off her head; I was twelve, she was ten at the time. She didn't stop crying for hours and I got the punishment of the century for it. Aunt Shirley, Elizabeth's mother, still gives me dirty looks to this day and I swear to Merlin she called me an animal. My mother refuses to speak to her to this day for that little remark. Its this reason that we hardly see them anymore, because there was a time when they would visit at least once a month.
"You should have knocked," I stated dryly as I gave her my most disdainful look. Elizabeth merely rolled her eyes.
"The only reason I came up here is to ask you if your cousin Fabrice is coming," she said as she rolled her eyes and leaned against the door after crossing her arms over her chest. I raised a brow and sneered at this. I'd always gotten an inkling that Elizabeth had a thing for him. However, I never thought that she'd be deluded enough to believe that she had a chance in hell with him.
I looked at Elizabeth. Honestly, the girl is very pretty. She was pretty, little pink lips and very large brown eyes that I swear have flecks of gold in them. Her form, though petite, has curves to it which are now visible as she was wearing a very clingy dress of silk that looks golden. However, I've seen the girls that Fabrice dates. Very high maintenance girls. Not that Elizabeth is particularly low maintenance, I mean she makes attempts to be girly and pulls it off, but at best she comes off as cute. Fabrice doesn't go for cute.
"I wouldn't really know. If he does, I don't see how you would be able to communicate. He doesn't speak English and somehow I doubt you speak french," I said pointedly. It wasn't really a lie considering that he really doesn't. Not because he can't, he just refuses to. He's conceited like that.
"Who said anything about talking? And I'll have you know I've become very adept to french kissing," she said with an arrogant smile. "I've been told I'm a very good kisser."
"Oh yes I've heard. From more boys than I can count," I said with a smirk walked to the door, causing all of Elizabeth's fair skin to turn tomato red. That's the one reason I'm happy I'm a light brown skin tone. When I blush, it doesn't spread to my neck and chest the way it does for Elizabeth and at least it isn't quite so noticeable. I walked out with Kyra following me and we headed downstairs to properly greet everyone.
For most of the evening, I was distracted with what Kyra had said to me. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hardly noticed when Aunt Keiki arrived with her husband and my cousin Fabrice. Neither did I note when Cyrus arrived, much to the surprise and pleasure of his mother. However, he wasn't around for long and somehow managed to convince Able, whom he got along so well with that they may as well have been brothers, to go out with him leaving Professor Bell pretty much on her own with the family. However, she wasn't fairing too bad. I think Cyrus must've convinced Pervais and Xerxes to distract her in order to be able to sneak off with Able.
A while before it was the New Year, I slipped out of the living room where all my family was gathered except for the missing family members like Cyrus and Able. Truth be told, I'd wanted to leave a while ago, but I couldn't being as Kyra wasn't really letting me out of her sight. I waited until she was called away and distracted before slipping my way out and heading toward the end of the hall to head up the staircase to my room.
I had only reached the bottom of the stairs when I heard someone call out my name. Slowly, I turned as my heart crawled up my throat lodged itself there and pounded frantically. I swallowed, trying to clear my passageway in order to turn and speak to Professor Bell, who was heading towards me. "Where are you going, it's nearly midnight, don't you want to be with your family to bring in the New Year?" she asked with a slight frown as she stopped in front of me.
I stared at her, unsure what to say. She looked a bit concerned about me, her beautiful eyes watching me with sincere care that I felt my stomach tighten itself into knots. I downcast my gaze wishing to tell her that I just wanted to be alone, but I didn't want to be rude. Besides, it occurred to me that since Able had gone, who knows where, that perhaps she felt alone and out of place. Other than Able and myself, the only person she really knew was my cousin Elizabeth, and well, I'm not sure how well she got along with my cousin being as I'd never really seen them interacting, especially when considering Elizabeth was two years beneath me. Besides over the years, Elizabeth had practically become a stranger to me, and I didn't know what kind of student she was or how she got along with any teachers or what subjects she liked, if any.
Slowly, I let my gaze wander over her. She was wearing black flats with a emerald green dress that reached down to her knees and had long sleeves. However, it had a very low, v-neckline and if it weren't for the silver shawl she wore, it would have been inappropriate to wear to a family gathering, and for a teacher. However, as I looked into her eyes, I furrowed my brow wondering why I hadn't noted this before. "Why are you wearing Slytherin colors?" I asked as I looked into her stunning blue eyes. Being as I was kind of standing on the bottom step, our eyes were actually level with one another.
She opened her mouth and closed it at this, clearly that being the last thing in the world she expected me to ask her. For a moment, her cheeks became faintly pink as she briefly cast a glance towards herself. "I hadn't really noticed before," she said in realization as she looked back at me and shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I've kind of always thought green was the best color for me."
"It is, it makes the green in your eyes stand out and look very beautiful," I mumbled before I even knew what I was doing. As she blushed in pleasure at the compliment, I had to look away just as my eyes widened in horror at what I just said. How could I say something so stupid?! I was about to head up the stairs when I felt her grab onto my wrist.
"Kali, wait," she said, causing me to turn around once more. I stared down at her and raised an inquisitive brow asking her what she wanted while internally I agonized over why she had to torture me in this unbearable fashion. "Please don't go isolate yourself. No one should be alone on New Years," she pleaded as she looked up into my eyes.
I stared down at her, wondering if she was just saying those things to me just because she didn't want to be alone. I narrowed my gaze on her as I clenched my jaw, however, before I could say anything mean out of resentment, I heard my family loudly counting down to the new year. Ten, nine, eight, seven... I heard, turning to gaze briefly towards where it was coming from before turning to look at Professor Bell who was watching me with a look on her face that confused me. It looked so sad and forlorn and I wasn't sure what it meant, she seemed to be begging to me with her eyes to not jump to conclusions and think she was only doing so out of selfish reasons. Five, four...
I gazed down into her eyes, uncertain with what she wanted from me. Why did she care if I was alone or not? And why did I care so much? Why did my heart thunder as it did? Two, I heard them call and my mind became fuzzy. The world felt like it was slipping away. Her eyes seemed to tell me that she really did care before her gaze wandered away. For a moment I could swear I saw her eyes drift to my lips.
One.
"Happy New year," she whispered, and I could barely hear it over all the calls of my family shouting it. However, I could hardly hear that ruckus over my own thundering heart as I stared down into her eyes. I don't know who moved in first, whether it was her, or me, or perhaps we had drawn together like two powerful magnets, but the next thing I knew, I had my eyes shut and my lips pressed against her plump and incredibly soft, pale-pink lips.
I couldn't breathe. Time stood still as my mind blanked and my lips lingered on hers. The kiss was chaste, and neither of us moved. We merely stood with our lips touching while my heart thundered in my chest. I had to be dreaming. I couldn't believe this. I felt as though I had reached heaven and yet at the same time, I felt as though I wanted to die, because this couldn't be real. Her lips could not be pressed against mine, so delicious and pliant, waiting with bated breath to mold to my will.
A gasp pressed through the haze and I pulled away in a lightning fast action. I wasn't dreaming. I stared at her face, seeing the blush that spread there and the way she was looking at me with wide eyes, startled as she gazed at me. I felt my stomach churning as I gazed at her, probably with the same expression. How had this happened? Had I been stupid enough to kiss her? Or had she kissed me? I wasn't sure! And what was more, my eyes caught movement out of the corner of my eyes and drew my gaze to the person standing in the hall, staring at us with a startled expression.
I couldn't bare to look back at Professor Bell's face and see disgust there and not wanting to deal with the anguish and embarrassment, I brushed past her and headed straight for Elizabeth who was only beginning to snap out of her paralysis. When she saw me coming towards her, her eyes widened in fear and she turned to run back where she had come from, however, I managed to reach her just in time and I grab her by the arm, before tugging her roughly and slamming her into the wall. I pinned her there with my right forearm coming across her neck and pressing it in to choke her.
"I swear if you fucking tell anyone about this I will rip your tongue out with my bare hands and make you eat it, Elizabeth, do you understand me?" I growled out to her and I glared down at her, bearing my teeth at her. Her eyes widened even further. She tried to respond, but only choking sounds came out so instead she nodded her assent. I nodded before merely turning away and heading towards the kitchen before exiting through the back door of the house. I sat on the back steps, not at all caring that it was cold out and feeling that I just needed to breathe and get some fresh air to clear my head.
Crossing my arms and resting them on my knees, I buried my head in them. I felt my body tremble, in part because of the biting cold on my bare skin, and in part because I was terrified. What the fuck had I just done? What did she think of me? How was I supposed to face her again? I wanted to cry from the embarrassment and my stupidity. I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes and making them burn as my throat started hurting from the constriction and strain of trying to keep the sobs from forming and being let loose into the cold night.
I'm not sure how long I was sitting out there, shivering violently from the cold. I wanted to die or become numb. I tried to let my concern for the nearly freezing temperatures attempt to keep me from worrying too much about what just happened, but despite the desire in my body for heat, I couldn't stop thinking about what had occurred and thinking that there was no way I could go inside when she was somewhere inside the house, thinking god knows what about me. She probably thought I was disgusting, and terrible. Or perhaps she thought I was an idiot.
Caught up in this terrible turmoil, I didn't even notice when the door of the house opened behind me and someone stepped out. "Kali, you're going to catch your death out here," a deep voice said as something very warm was placed on my shoulders. I looked up just as my cousin Rashaun sat next to me and took out a pipe from his pants and lit it. He didn't say anything or even look at me as he took a drag before exhaling. I snuggled into the warmth of his burgundy cloak as I wrapped it tightly about me.
If it had been anyone else, I would have been annoyed by their intrusion and nervous that they'd pry too deeply into my business, but Rashaun's presence was calming and comforting. Also, as I watched him for a moment, I was actually glad for his presence as it dragged my thoughts away from the anguish I felt and settled on something else. "Aren't you cold?" I asked as he was only wearing what looked like a thin, dark-grey, long-sleeved cotton shirt which clung to his muscular body and washboard abs. I imagined that he had to be cold considering he was used to the hot temperatures of India and was only wearing a shirt.
Rashaun shrugged. "Not really," he said merely. "What are you doing out here," he said after a long moment as he cast a glance at me out of the corner of his eye.
"I needed to clear my head," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. My body was quickly absorbing all the heat of his cloak and very slowly began to settle from all its tremors. I inhaled deeply the cold night air, which was now tainted by the smell of his sweetened tobacco. The smell and the sudden heat, was making me feel very sleepy and I leaned my head against Rashaun's very well muscled shoulder.
In response Rashaun merely hummed as he continued to smoke. He didn't seem to notice or perhaps care that I was resting against him. "Able's been gone a while," he suddenly murmured. I merely nodded, I was having a hard time staying awake now. "I think that girl deserves better."
I wasn't sure why Rashaun was bringing this up, but he wasn't an uptight guy so I didn't read too far into it. Besides, sleep was becoming near impossible to shake off and I couldn't find enough strength to be annoyed that he was unknowingly bringing my thoughts back to her. "She does, but are you going to tell her?" I murmured as I stifled a yawn. Rashaun wouldn't, he would never betray family.
"No, but Able should know better being as he has you. I wouldn't treat a girl like that because I'd never want any asshole treating my sister like that," he said as he finished his pipe and set it in his pocket. I only vaguely thought of what he said. Though Able was jealous and protective of me, at times he was too far involved in his own thing to take much notice of me. If he had, he would have beat the shit out of his teammate who took my virginity. He would have noticed the guy, lurking around trying to charm me and get into my pants. My heart panged at the memory of my first, which I tended not to ever think of.
Though he was slow and gentle with me and didn't push me too hard, he'd still broken my heart. However, I was deluded to think that it would ever work out. He was a couple years older than me, on a national Quidditch team. It would never work out. I would rarely see him. And if we tried, in the end we would have had to break up due to the strain of a long distance relationship. Besides, Able would have never approved. Us breaking it off was really for the best and if I hadn't wanted my heart to break, I should have never let it happen in the first place.
I sighed sadly, knowing I was as much to blame as him. I could feel Rashaun turn his head to look at me at the sigh I uttered before I felt him shifting, placing his arm around me. I would have been stunned by the warmth that emanated from his body despite the cold, but I was beginning to drift off into sleep. "Come on my little fae, lets get you to bed," Rashaun said with a slight chuckle. I smiled at the pet name, though my eyes remained closed. I hadn't heard it in years. Although I rarely saw my cousins and the age gap made my relationship with Rashaun even less familiar than it was with Kyra, Rashaun had given me a pet name when I was little and he used to be very affectionate with me. I liked to bask in his love as a child, because Rashaun was one of Farrah's most esteemed sons.
I didn't stir was I felt him pick me up and carry me bridal-style into the house. I snuggled my face closer to his chest as I limply held onto his neck. I merely wanted to sleep, but as he carried me in and up the stairs, the small bumps of his steps didn't quite allow me to. However, before I knew it, Rashaun placed me in my plush bed, removed my shoes and his cloak and had me tucked in. Before I lost consciousness I felt his hand on my bed and him press a kiss to my forehead. "I hope you never allow a man to treat you any less than like a queen." I was fast asleep by the time he stepped out of my room and shut the door behind himself.
TBC...
HQ: Sorry about the all Kalinda chapter, it was the only way to format it and not make it ridiculously long, but fear not Calla will be back in the next chap. Special thanks to Jax and Me-halcyon for your consistent reviews, I'm glad that someone is enjoying it.
I think Kari also deserves a special thanks for updating while my net is still down. As always please review.