Calla
After I got home that fateful night, I went straight to my room and didn't leave for weeks. I expected my parents to badger me and try and talk me into going back so I could take the N.E.W.T's but the one sentence reasoning I gave them as soon as I walked through that door seemed to suffice.
"I hate that fucking school and you cannot make me go back."
Mostly I slept but besides that, I smoked a lot of ganja and kept to myself, brooding about how shitty life was and writing in my journal. I even took the time to write gruesome little short stories. I'd always had a flair for writing but I never thought about it much because I never really had the time to do it. But now I had plenty of time. I sent the stories into small magazines, muggle and magical a like, to be published but I kept getting rejection notices which only made my moods blacker. Just when I thought I'd worked up enough courage to off myself (weapon of choice? Rope and an attic rafter), I got a letter from Snape.
If this is about what happened on Christmas, you should just forget about it and come back. I can't let you ruin your future because of me. It's not too late.
I read it and screamed in frustration as I ripped it to little shreds which I then tossed out of the window to line the shrubs beneath it. Snape just didn't get it and he probably never would. As far as I was concerned, it would probably be best if I never saw him again but the thought just broke my heart. I decided to write him back.
Quit being so fucking self centered. Not everything that happens has to do with you, prick.
I figured that was the best way to get him to leave me alone and it worked as far as I knew. He never responded even though I had half way hoped that he would. More than anything, I wanted to write him and tell him that I was sorry and that I was in love with him just so he at least knew. But then I figured that would just be another excuse to keep him in my life. Besides that, I was afraid of how he would react.
I dreaded the day that I would've been taking my first N.E.W.T's but surprisingly enough, when I woke up, I felt fine. I guess it just sort of clicked that day. I was bored of being reclusive and depressed. I decided I needed to do something about it. I vowed to myself that I would go out and meet new people, make new friends and perhaps maybe even a boyfriend but I wasn't going to push that one. I wanted to see the world so I decided to go to my only living grandparent, my mum's mother, Hum Tate and ask for a loan to travel on. She wouldn't give me much but she gave me enough to at least travel the country and to be able to live on.
Hum Tate wasn't a very giving person. She was in fact a Slytherin and expected something from me in return, be it paying her back in full with interest or something else that would be profitable to her. I decided to take the second option because I wasn't sure how I would make the money to repay her and she didn't seem too keen on accepting an IOU either. She pretty much told me how childish I was being by dropping out of school to travel and she didn't seem to think that it was a good use of her money. So she gave it to me and in return I would go to work with her as soon as I got back. You see, Hum Tate and her late husband (who is not my mother's real father- her father had died when she was very young) had opened up an apothecary in Diagon Alley. Just one shop kept them living well for years but that wasn't enough. Every so often, they would open another one elsewhere and it just so happened that she was planning on opening up a shop in Hogsmeade and wanted me to run it for her. She was generous enough to even offer me a life time position there and to let me keep the job as long as I needed it. It wasn't exactly what I had planned on for a future, but I figured it was just as good as any place to start. I could figure out what it was that I really wanted to do but at least I had a place to make a living while I thought that through. Who knew how long it would take for me to finally figure it out?
I spent several weeks soaking in what I thought to be culture. I went to a lot of clubs, met a few interesting people, most of which I never saw again. But I was in the moment and it didn't really matter to me. What mattered the most was that I make myself happy again and it worked.
I didn't intend to do it, but I ended up settling down in Cornwall for two weeks, near the ocean, on my grandmother's dime. It was all because of a boy who called himself Pierre, though I wasn't sure if that was his given name or one he'd made up at random. I never learned his last name but I wasn't too bothered by that. What mattered was that he was extremely sexy in a strange sort of way and he always had a full stock of quality marijuana and Ecstasy tablets.
I met Pierre in a thrift shop. I was completely blazed out of my mind on weed and sleep deprivation. I was mindlessly rifling through a rack of clothes because I needed clean ones. I was too lazy and too spoiled to ever really learn how to wash my own. I was so used to either my mother doing it or the house cleaning staff at Hogwarts doing it for me. I'd grown up thinking that they probably just washed themselves and appeared in my closet, clean without it so much as passing through any living hands. I probably should've learned to do it myself, after all I was trying to learn how to be more self reliant but it was just easier to go out and buy second hand clothing, even if it did eat away at my funds.
Pierre was a few yards away, examining cassette tapes, frowning and cursing at every one he picked up. I couldn't quite hear what he was mumbling to himself. I just knew that he was dead sexy, even from my standing point. He was tall and skinny, with messy sandy hair with horn rimmed glasses. The arms protruding from the sleeves of his rumpled, way too big button up pink bowling shirt were covered in tattoos.
I decided to get closer to him so I could see him better. If he was really worth it, I would talk to him but if I thought he wasn't, it would be easy to walk away and pretend like I didn't notice him. He didn't give me a chance to walk away if I wanted to. He whirled around and faced me. With a serious expression, he asked if I smoked. At a closer glance, I could see an embroidered name patch on his chest that read "Fred."
"I smoke several things," I said, trying to sound cool and calm but my heart was beating rapidly in my chest. He was looking me up and down as though he were evaluating if I was worth his time. Suddenly I was praying that I was.
"Fantastic," he said in a monotone. "Let's go back to my place then and spark one up."
His place turned out to be a small little cottage in the middle of town where he lived with his terminally ill mother, whom he took care of during her final days since his father was off doing god knew what, god knew where. Pierre was only certain about one thing with his father. He was certain that wherever he was, he was probably drunk. He seemed pretty bitter at the situation and was even slightly bitter towards his mother. When he told me about it, I thought it was sweet that he took care of his mum until he brought me in. His mother was sitting in a rocking chair, looking pale and fragile but had a sweet smile. When she asked after Pierre, he mumbled under his breath and took off without so much as acknowledging the fact that she lived in the same universe as him. I followed him to his bedroom, somewhat disturbed by his behavior towards his mother.
Pierre was an artist, but not in the conventional way. He was a tattoo artist and worked in a tattoo shop as an apprentice but was very talented from what I could tell. He showed me pictures of tattoos he'd done and designed himself while we smoked a spliff. His work was well beyond apprentice level, which he reminded me at least twice. So the guy was a little bit full of himself. He was still sexy. So sexy in fact that I ended up losing my virginity to him that very night.
Sex, it seemed, wasn't as life changing as I'd been led to believe. That first time hurt, god did it hurt. I tried not to cry out when he penetrated me and if he noticed that I was a virgin or not, he didn't comment about it. But after I got into the rhythm of it, it wasn't so bad. In fact, I even started to enjoy it but I couldn't help but think of Snape and what would've happened if I had let things stray this far instead of stopping him that night. I imagined it would've been at least ten times more wonderful with Snape than it was with Pierre.
Afterwards, I let Pierre tattoo me on my back. That hurt worse than the sex did but the weed dulled the pain as we passed the remainder of our super spliff back and forth.
"You're nothing like I expected you to be," Pierre commented as he hunched over me. I was laying flat on my stomach, bare arse naked as he ran the needle over my back. I told him I didn't care what he drew just as long as it wasn't something stupid like a heart tattoo with the word Mum written in it. He ended up doing a rather intricate mermaid which was absolutely gorgeous when he was finished with it completely.
"Ouch! What?"
"Most people I meet in town these days are the big city yuppie types, come to get away from the hustle and bustle to pollute my fucking space. They're so obnoxious I want to gun them all down."
"Er...thanks?"
"I mean, you're a bit pretentious but for the most part you're okay."
"I don't exactly come from the city. I sort of went to boarding school and that was out in the middle of nowhere."
"So you're a rich preppy bitch."
"Not really," I said, becoming increasingly annoyed by the conversation. "My family has gone there for ages. You don't really have to have money to go. You just have to be special."
"Special how?"
"Just...special."
"Sounds ridiculous to me. Not to mention biased. Whose to say if I'm special enough or not to go there?"
"I can't really explain it," I said with a sigh. I winced slightly as he ran the needle over my spine.
"Did I ever tell you that I was accepted into this ultra exclusive art school?" And that's how we got off the subject, by talking about him. Every conversation was Pierre centered. Honestly, he was wonderful as long as he kept his mouth shut but the moment he opened it, the more I just wanted to escape from him. I spent two weeks living with him until Hum Tate tracked me down via owl post and insisted I come run her shop for her now. I was grateful for that. I wasn't sure if I could stomach any more Pierre. The best thing that came out of that situation was the loss of my virginity and the tattoo.
Running the shop wasn't all that difficult, aside from a senile old witch who had a tendency to shop lift for some reason I couldn't understand. Although she was batty, she was also incredibly sweet, always asking after me and going on about her sweet little nephew whom she adored. I couldn't bring myself to call the proper authorities on her whenever she did lift something and I wasn't even sure she was doing it on purpose. When I caught her at it, I would silently summon what ever it was from her pocket as she left the premises. Most of the time she didn't notice but when she did, she would look back at me, confused but wouldn't say a word. Call me a sucker if you want but I just couldn't run her down, tackle her and rip the merchandise away from her, though I really didn't have a problem with doing that to anyone else. It drove Hum Tate nuts that I refused to really do anything about it but it wasn't like I wasn't getting the item back so she wasn't really actually losing money.
One day, near the end of August, I was in the middle of doing closing inventory after closing the shop. I guess I must've forgotten to lock the front door because as I sat in the back room, doing paperwork, I heard the bells tinkling over the doorway, signaling that someone had just entered. I grew annoyed at once; with myself for not locking the door properly and at whoever it was who had dared entered the shop despite the large sign that stated CLOSED posted on the door. I know I'd done that much. That was usually the first thing I did. I didn't always lock the door because sometimes there were still customers browsing when closing time came round. I didn't kick them out but I didn't really want anyone else coming in either. That night had been exceptionally busy.
"I'm sorry, but we're closed," I called from the back room. I didn't really want to get up and go shoo them out so I sat perfectly still for a moment, waiting to hear the bells go off again whenever that person left. It never came so I stood and decided to go guard the ancient cash till in case whomever it was wanted to rob me. They'd have to kill me first. I'd signed a contract for Hum Tate practically saying that I'd die before I let anyone take any money from the shop. Didn't like it, but I had to do what I had to do.
I didn't see anyone at first and began to question whether what I'd heard was real or not but then he popped out from one of the aisles. I nearly had a heart attack, it startled me so much. After realizing the annoying customer wasn't a robber or anything of the sort but was in fact, Snape, I scowled, thoroughly irritated.
"I said we're closed," I told him, not even attempting to sound the least bit polite. I seriously wanted him out of my store because even though I knew he wasn't there to rob me, he still made me extremely uneasy.
"I know, I heard you the first time," Snape replied back. I clutched the edge of the counter until my knuckles turned completely white. "I'm not here to buy anything."
"Then why are you here?"
"My aunt Theodora kept going on about the wonderful young black girl who runs this place and I wondered if it wasn't you."
"Mystery solved, now leave." It took me a moment to register the fact that he mentioned his aunt and something clicked. I remembered the batty old kleptomaniac who always babbled on about her nephew. "Wait, your aunt Theodora?"
"Yes. Technically she's my great aunt but she really seems to have taken a liking to this shop and it seems to you as well."
"She's about yea high-" I held up my hand to about chest level. "Walks with a distinctive limp and smells like she smokes a lot of menthol tobacco?"
"That would be her, yes." Snape said and raised an eyebrow. "I take it you know who she is."
"Well fuck, Professor! She does make it a habit of shoplifting every time she comes in here, so yes, I know who she is! I just didn't know she was your aunt!"
"Great aunt."
"Whatever!" I know I really had no reason to feel duped but I did. I felt like I had been conned. Had I known the old bat was the greasy bat's aunt, I would've been a lot more guarded around her. I wouldn't go on about my day when she asked. It was nice to talk to someone because I was pretty much alone and she was really my only regular customer.
"I wasn't aware that she shoplifted, either." Snape said as he took a step closer to the counter. I backed up some.
"Well, I'm not entirely sure she's doing it on purpose..."
"As old and as senile as Theodora might seem, she's still as sharp as a tack in her mind. I'm sure she's perfectly aware of what she's doing."
"Oh, well, she doesn't do a very good job then because I catch her every time."
He looked around the place, as though in wonderment. He smiled to himself for a moment and shook his head before looking back at me. "Is this what you wanted, Calla?"
"Beg pardon?"
"I asked you if this is what you wanted. Did you really want to spend the rest of your life here? Spending mindless hours, making a mediocre living in a mediocre shop?"
"I'll have you know that my grandmother happens to own this place." Mediocre? There was a reason that the Potioneer guild backed us as their official supplier. If the place was so mediocre, how come Hum Tate was currently working on getting up three more new shops in Scotland, France and Italy? Not because her franchise was mediocre, that was for sure.
"My apologies," Snape said but I could tell he didn't really mean it. "Pardon my asking but how exactly do you live? I can't imagine you make much money."
"It's not all about the money," I replied in a snotty voice. It was sort of a lie, however. I wouldn't be working here if I hadn't owed Hum Tate money. But I was grateful for the job at least and not just because of the money.
"Where do you live? How do you feed yourself?"
"As if that's any of your business," I scoffed at him. "But if you must know, I live in the efficiency behind the shop. And yes, it has a kitchen so yes, I do eat."
"Allow me to buy you supper tonight. I'm sure you don't feel like cooking."
Well, he had me there. I was probably just going to go home, think about how hungry I was until I passed out from sheer exhaustion without eating. Thank goodness I didn't have children or any other kind of house pet that depended on me because they would be fucked.
"What's the catch?" I asked suspiciously.
"There is no catch. If you don't want to do it, just say so. You aren't going to hurt my feelings."
"I'll go but you can't sit there and harp on about how I've ruined my future," I said. "I'm perfectly content with where I'm at, thank you very much."
Snape rolled his eyes to the ceiling as though praying that some omnipotent being would slap the stupid out of me. "I won't but if you're coming, please hurry up and get ready before it gets too much later."
So, an hour later, I sat across from him in a restaurant just down the way from the shop. Honestly, his presence made me too nervous to really eat but I picked at my plate in a manner that I thought to be shameful. He didn't seem to be eating much either and if he cared that I wasn't eating, he didn't say a word to me.
"You can still come back to Hogwarts. I'm sure if you talked to Dumbledore, he'd let you back in."
I snorted. "There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I'd ever go back. Not as long as you're teaching anyway."
Snape's face sort of lit up. "So it was because of me."
I couldn't look him in the eye as I'd just put my own foot in my mouth.
"Partially but not completely," I mumbled.
"Care to explain?"
"Not really." I bit my lip, trying to keep the words from falling out of my mouth. He'd presented me with a golden opportunity and I didn't really want to take it anymore. "Let's just say I let my feelings for you spiral into something that they seriously shouldn't have."
"Such as?" He asked me. He couldn't leave it alone, it appeared so I didn't really have much of a choice.
"It's just that...well, I suppose I'm in love with you." I whispered and looked down and around once more. Tears of embarrassment started to well. I suddenly had a flashback to the first time I'd kissed him and how revolted he seemed to be by it. I didn't want to see how he'd reacted to my confession. I was scared that he'd be just as disgusted by this as he had that kiss.
Snape reached across the table and turned my head towards him, forcing me to look him in the eye. He didn't seem shocked or disgusted as far as I could tell. He was neutral but serious. "Don't beat yourself up over it." And then he leaned forward and planted a soft but long, lingering kiss on my mouth.
When we left, we decided to take a longer route back to my place. We walked around the village, not really saying much but the both of us seemed hyper aware of each other. His body language painted him restrained, though I wasn't exactly sure what he was trying to keep himself from doing. Finally, I had to break the tension.
"Are you still with Kalinda?" I asked quietly.
"As you can imagine, we don't see much of each other being that it is still the summer holiday and she won't be returning next week." Snape replied.
"So what does that mean?"
"Honestly, I don't know."
I knew I probably shouldn't have invited him inside to my place, but I wanted him to stay more than anything. Even though my flat was extremely sparse, it was still home and I wasn't ashamed to let him see it. Really, it was all one room, except for the tiny little bathroom. My living room also served as my kitchen, dining and bedroom. The only furniture in the room was a small bookcase, a half-size wardrobe and my bed, which was just a mattress. My bed, though unmade, was extremely inviting. I couldn't resist throwing myself into it, back first with a deep sigh. I found that after a long day, my bed was my favorite place to be. I slipped half of a joint from my front pant pocket and lit it up, savoring the smoke and letting every little bit of stress float away with the smoke as I exhaled. I heard Snape make a choking noise and when I looked up, disgust was etched into his face.
"What?" I asked him.
"That is completely disgusting, Calla."
Then it dawned on me that he was talking about the weed. I took another pull and put it out.
"It's my home. But if you insist..." I slipped it back into my pocket. "Though you shouldn't knock it until you try it."
"I have no desire to."
"Right. I should've figured you'd never bend to peer pressure."
"Why do you do it?"
I shrugged at him. "Look, you and I both know that life gets stressful. People deal with it in different ways. Some people drink. Some people have raunchy promiscuous sex. Some people beat the crap out of their spouses and loved ones. This just happens to be my chosen way of self destruction."
"That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard," Snape said as he sat down beside me. "I didn't know you did that."
"I didn't really. I mean I had before but it was hard to get away with at school or at home. I left home and I just sort of picked up on it. I stayed with this bloke called Pierre for two weeks in Cornwall and trust me, I had to smoke to survive his company or I'd kill him." I rolled my eyes, remembering Pierre. I felt Snape stiffen and I knew that I'd said the wrong thing. I shouldn't have mentioned Pierre.
"Pierre," Snape repeated quietly. "I know I shouldn't jump to any conclusions but I'm assuming things with him went pretty far."
"I don't know what you mean," I replied stiffly, knowing full well what he meant.
"Don't. Just...don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't feign innocence. I know better."
"I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I honestly didn't think I'd ever see you again and I assumed that if I did that I'd run away screaming in the opposite direction. But if you want the truth then yes, I did sleep with Pierre. Several times. I didn't know what was going on between you and Kalinda. I figured you were hell bent on keeping her and that it would be best to move on. Hell, I'm still not even sure what's going on between you and her."
"There's nothing going on between Kalinda and myself. I told you that."
"No," I said slowly. "You said you didn't know."
"We ended it. In June." There was a bitter, wistful tone in Snape's voice that I didn't particularly care for. It was as though he wanted me to feel sorry for him but I wasn't buying it. I just couldn't summon the sympathy for him because he had broke my heart before. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head in sarcastic wonderment.
I wasn't thrilled that he and Kalinda had ended things. I knew that left him in my hands which is what I wanted more than anything but I couldn't bring myself to be happy because I know it couldn't have been easy on Kalinda. Somehow, I felt responsible for it. I knew I couldn't help how I felt about Snape but I didn't have to act on some of the impulses I had that had bridged a gap in Snape and Kalinda's relationship. I was also almost sure that had I not acted on said impulses, my feelings for Snape probably wouldn't have developed as far as they had. It would've been easier to forget about it because I didn't know what I was missing. Though I had no way of knowing if that was true, it was just easiest to assume that.
"Did you at least leave on civil if not friendly terms?" I asked.
"I certainly hope so," he said. "I know it was for the best but sometimes I wonder...I wonder if I didn't make a dire mistake by letting her go like that."
"You have me," I reminded him. My voice must've startled him. He gave a small jump and then gave me a sharp look. "What?"
"I'm not so sure..." He started to say and then looked around the place as though he were seriously panicked. I sat up slightly. "I know how you feel about me and you must know that I care for you. A lot. More than I ever should've."
"And?" I knew what was coming and I prepared myself for it.
"...I'm just not sure if it would be wise to start something with you when I've only just finished with Kalinda."
My muscles began to tense up uncomfortably with anger. It took everything I had to not spring forward and claw his eyes out for being so goddamn wish washy.
"Why'd you come find me then?" I wanted nothing more than to firmly plant my foot up his bum. "Why couldn't you just leave me the fuck alone until you figured things out?"
"I don't know, Calla. I just got lonely."
"So, get a goddamn pet! Don't fuck with my emotions!" I wrapped myself up in my quilt and turned on my side, away from him. I fully expected him to leave. I wished he would so I could continue to feel miserable on his behalf by myself. He didn't leave, though. He slid down beside me and began to kiss my neck softly, rendering me completely helpless.
"I want you," he whispered roughly.
"I'm sure you do."
I wish I could tell you that I kicked him out of my bed and out of my home but I wasn't strong enough to do that. What started off as slow and sweet turned into playful which spawned into desperate frenzy until the next thing I knew, we were clawing our clothes off trying to get at each other. His hands and mouth were all over my body, touching me and teasing in places I never knew had any sensation. I couldn't hardly stand it. I had to beg him to penetrate me and he didn't hesitate when I asked. Though the whole session couldn't have lasted more than ten minutes, it seemed like the longest ten minutes of my life.
"Are you going to stay?" I asked him once I'd caught my breath and was half way sedate. I was trembling, however and I wasn't sure why.
"I should really get back to the castle," Snape said and lifted himself slightly as though he were going to get up.
"Because...?" I asked. He shrugged, defeated and settled back down beside me. I smiled to myself, knowing I had him. I drifted off to sleep, only to be woken again by the sunrise filtering into my window.
There was some extra work to be done in the shop today, so I quietly got dressed and left earlier than normal, leaving him asleep in my bed. I decided to drop into the Three Broomsticks for an early cup of coffee because I was sure I'd need it. I was tired but shit needed done and since I was the only employee, everything fell on my shoulders. Hum Tate suggested I find at least one person to help but I declined. I wasn't really willing to share the comfort of the job with anyone else, lest they screw up and make everything stressful. I learned that I could really only depend on myself if I wanted shit done the way I wanted. I was in complete control of the shop and that's the way I preferred it.
Luckily, I was able to open on time after a couple of hours of re-arranging and making other special accommodations. I sat behind the register as usual and waited. My regular customers who came in were a bit confused by the sudden changes and while some approved, the others complained about how they couldn't find anything anymore. I just shrugged them off, knowing they'd get used to it.
Finally, after I'd had lunch, the person I was waiting for came in. She was wearing an overlong cloak, despite the fact that it was a warm, sunny day. I knew right then and there that Severus was right about ole Auntie Theodora. She was perfectly aware of what she was doing when she walked around the shop, stuffing random things inside the cloak while tossing other things into the basket of items she intended to actually purchase.
"Good afternoon, Theodora!" I smiled brightly at her when she came to check out. She gave me an odd look but then resumed her usual vaguely confused smile.
"Why, hello yourself!" She handed me the wicker basket and I began to total things up, humming to myself.
"It's funny," I told her. "You always talk about your nephew when you come in here."
"Oh yes. He's a very charming boy. Handsome as the day is long and very bright for his age. I think that someday he might make a wonderful husband."
"He came in yesterday, last night rather."
"Did he now?" Theodora looked surprised but then gave me a sheepish smile. "I do say when I talk about you with him, he does seem vaguely interested."
"Oh, trust me I know. I didn't realize your nephew was a teacher up at the school. He used to teach me, actually. When you talk about him, I always pictured someone much younger. A boy, if you will."
"Well, I suppose I could see where you'd get that but he's still a boy in my eyes. I guess when you get to be as old as me, time just seems to stop."
"Right." I leaned in, my warm smile not faltering. My next words were intended for her ears only. "I could give a good goddamn how old you are, Theodora but if you keep nicking things from me, I'm going to cut your fucking fingers off."
Theodora backed up, looking extremely startled. "B-beg pardon?"
"Your total is four galleons even."
Theodora fumbled about for her wallet and shakily doled out the gold. I gave her change to her and bade her a good day. As she got to the door, she turned around and gave me another look. I knew she was confused as to if I had actually said what I had said or if she'd just imagined it in a fit of guilt, which is exactly what I wanted her to think.
I remained neutral when she tried to walk out of the door only to be thrown back by an invisible force. My Caterwauling charm went off and the whole shop was filled with a hideous shrieking noise which caused several customers to drop things and look toward the source of the noise. All sorts of shit Theodora had tried to lift fell from her cloak in a heap at her feet. She looked down at the pile and then back at me, looking hurt. I have to admit that I felt bad for a moment until she gave me the dirtiest look she could muster before she fled out of the shop. I knew I'd probably lost her as a customer but I really didn't care anymore.
Other than that one little incident, the rest of the day was uneventful and rather boring. It seemed to drag on and on but then again, I was actually looking forward to going home for the night. I had something to go home to, or at least I hoped I did. I was not disappointed when I went around back and let myself into my home. Snape was sitting in my bed, reading one of my many journals. I kept a lot around you see. I had one for everything. I had a journal I made lists in, I had a journal I wrote short stories in, I had a personal journal that I kept very safely hidden along with a journal full of poetry I wrote at one point in time that I was too embarrassed to let anyone see. I wasn't very good at poetry, you see and I'm afraid most of the poems I'd written during my angst phase were rather stupid. Thank goodness he hadn't found the two I kept hidden very well and was reading from the short story journal.
"You know," he said without looking up as I hung my purse up on the door handle of my wardrobe. "Kali kept sketch books."
"Oh yes, I seem to remember her doing loads of doodling," I said as unemotionally as I possibly could. It's not that I was jealous because I knew Kalinda was out of the picture but it still sort of stung when he reminisced about her. It was a constant reminder that she had him first. To hear him call her by a shortened name gave me a bit of a jolt. The only thing I could ever recall him ever calling her until that point was Miss Allen or Kalinda. Never Kali. But what did I expect? They had slept together. It wasn't like they had a business/client relationship. I hope not anyway.
"Where do you come up with these things?" Snape asked as he held up the journal.
"To be honest, the best ones were inspired by insomnia." I gave him a weak, lopsided grin. "That bad, huh?"
"Oh no, quite the opposite really. I found the one about the muggle school bus driver who hates his life so much, he decides to kill himself and the children with him highly entertaining."
"I'm glad I found someone who understands my fucked up sense humor," I said. "I sent that one into loads of magazines to be published and got the same reply every time. 'It's not that we didn't find your piece satisfactory, we just find that it may be a tiny bit dark for our publication. We hope you understand and we hope that you will continue to send in your work for further consideration.'"
"Perhaps it was a bit morbid," Snape said. "I could relate."
"I can't imagine how many times you must've wanted to gun me down and then off yourself.."
He looked at me with a confused sort of expression. The sex the night before had to have erased every bad memory he had of me. I could live with that. But if the sex continued to give him amnesia, we'd be in trouble.
It occurred to me that the giant bowl I'd smoked during my break still hadn't worn off. It also occurred to me that maybe I smoked too much pot to begin with. And then I realized that the only reason I was thinking that was because I was stoned.
"At any rate, you shouldn't give up on trying to get published," Snape said.
"I wasn't."
"Good because I'd hate to see you give up on one more thing," he said, rather rudely. I knew I was about to get a lecture, so I stood there and took it like a man. "Like your career for instance. You could've been anything you wanted to be and you're working in a shop as a cashier. And speaking of which, I ran into Theodora today whilst I was out having lunch."
"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to give me shit about what had happened earlier.
"She was quite upset. She seems to think you acted unjustly and unkindly."
"Unjustly? Excuse me? She was stealing! She steals all of the time! What was I supposed to do? Let her walk out with shit she didn't pay for?"
"I'm not disagreeing, Calla," Snape said cautiously. I was heated. The old bitch was lucky that all did was all did. "I think you're perfectly within your rights to punish those who steal from your shop however you see fit. Personally, I think she's lucky that all you did was make an example of her."
"Then why bring it up?"
"I told her we were seeing each other and she asked that I talk to you about it."
I stared at him blankly. He considered this talking to me about it? He could've said nothing about it just as well with the same result. The bloke could keep a promise, that was for sure. "Look, I know it probably doesn't really make sense to you but I'm obligated to do what she asks of me. She's the only living relative that I know of and despite her...quirks...she's not a bad person. Just odd."
"Odd," I repeated with a snort. "Odd doesn't even begin to cover it."
"Yes, well, I'm sure this isn't hard to believe, but she's an even bigger black sheep than my mother and I were."
"Oh yes, I find that incredibly hard to believe," I replied dryly. "And I'm sure it's rather difficult to shun someone with a mental illness, especially kleptomania but you know, I'm sure it comes in handy especially during the Christmas holiday. That train set you got when you were six that was gift wrapped and was tagged for Stephan? Well, now you're well aware that she didn't just forget your name."
"You're being somewhat unfair," Snape said with a slight frown. "I'm not excusing her for what she did today-"
"Let's not forget the numerous occasions in which she pulled the same shit."
"And I know it's despicable but Theodora has done too much for me to allow you to think she's a horrible person."
"I never said she was," I replied. "I just think she's fucked up in the head. Having a mental illness doesn't make you a bad person."
"She's not mentally ill," Snape hissed, looking a bit heated now. I was vaguely reminded of when I used to pick at him at school to make him purposely angry. Why? I'm not sure why but it just felt good to piss someone off sometimes. I sort of viewed it with a pay-it-forward reasoning. Someone pissed me off so I, in return, piss someone else off.
"Denial is a river in Egypt."
"Just shut the fuck up, you ungrateful little bitch!" Snape snapped. "You have absolutely no room to talk. As deranged and spoiled as you are, you'd think you'd have a little more sympathy!"
"Are you trying to piss me off?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because it's not really working. I've been called worse things, you know. The other day someone called me a cunt after I refused to take what looked like pocket lint as currency."
"You are a cunt," he growled moodily.
"Well yes, but that really isn't news to me." I paused for a second and looked at him. He looked strangely defeated and worn down. I felt bad for him. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize your aunt meant so much to you. But I'm not going to apologize to her and like I told her, if I catch her stealing again, I will cut her fucking fingers off."
Snape's head whipped up and his gaze met mine, though his was wide-eyed and I'm sure mine could only be described as self satisfied. "Calla, have you ever paid attention to her hands?"
"No. Should I have?"
"She's missing two fingers on her right hand."
I struggled to remember if I noticed that little fact or not. For the most part, Theodora wore gloves and I guess I was always too busy to notice that maybe two of the five fingers seemed a little bit less inflated from the rest. I suppose I just assumed she was curling her fingers to conceal something she was going to drop into her pocket.
"Never paid that much attention, I suppose."
"She was married to a Muslim man for a while and she lived with him in his home country. I'm not sure exactly what happened other than it involved some sort of erotic oil. Her husband cut her fingers off as punishment."
I went slack jawed for a moment.
"That's seriously fucking twisted, Snape."
"Yes, it is."
"I mean, cutting off someone's fingers for masturbating? Overkill."
"What?" Snape looked alarmed and confused. It occurred to me that he'd never put two and two together.
"She was caught masturbating. Erotic oil? The two fingers?"
"I never..."
"If I married him, all I would have would be useless nubs for hands." I held out my hands and winced as I imagined two bloody stubs at the end of my wrists instead of fully functional hands. Snape sputtered. I looked up, alarmed, thinking perhaps he was choking but he was just blushing furiously, which I found quite funny considering the previous night. A masturbation pun should've been nothing to him. "I hope she left him."
"Of course she did," Snape said, trying to contain himself, though he was still flushed. "She was placed in a very secure hiding spot for a few years, but she managed to shake him off. She hasn't had it easy."
"So I suppose saying she gets things on a five finger discount would be slightly inappropriate."
I thought that would for sure set him off but to my complete surprise he let out a laugh and though it seemed so strange, it lit up his whole face and made him seem halfway handsome. Any bit of tension that was there before was gone. I knew that very many people weren't able to make him laugh and by doing so, I'd opened up some chamber of his heart. I could see it in the way he looked at me. It was pure heaven. And I had good ole Aunt Theodora to thank for it.
TBC...
Hades'Queen: I have my internet back! I'm very happy about this as now I can update and help with the formatting of the chapters again and not leave all the work to my good friend Kars here. Anyway hope anyone reading this will review and like to thank our one consistent reviewer Jax for the reviews. Lol almost feel like we are posting this solely for you.