Kalinda
Lunch was... nice. I didn't actually eat very much seeing as I wasn't particularly hungry. And about our summer, we didn't speak about it much, considering in the postcards and letters I wrote to him, I told him enough. However, when he was looking through the sketches I was showing him, his eyes bugged out at a sketch of Lorena. After that, the teasing about her sexual harassment towards me was unending and unmerciful. I was very near to hitting him when he said he would stop after his last comment, which was to say that he'd have given anything to see us go at it.
However, despite all the teasing, lunch was fun. It was so odd... a totally new experience to me to sit, eat and just chat with someone. Even in school when we had been friends, we had done no such thing. And our conversations only ever really took place in the common room when we worked together on our homework as during the day and around school I tended to be too distracted to want to socialize.
Anyway after we finished and walked back to the Ministry, Henry said that now that I was back in England, that we should hangout more often, and not just to have lunch. I merely shrugged and agreed and instead of flooing back home, I took the Knight Bus, which I rather liked. It sort of reminded me of tame version of a roller-coaster. I'd never been on a muggle one, and I always wanted to try one. I mean I know, a roller-coaster couldn't possibly compare to riding on a broom, but that is if you had talent with flying a broom and much as I loathe to admit it, I had no particular talent with riding a broom.
It's not that I was really dreadful at it, but they were hardly comfortable. I didn't particularly like the idea of having hard wood against my ass and pressing harshly against my center. I've always thought that riding a flying carpet would be fun, but they are prohibited in England. I could have had the chance to ride one during my stay in India, but none of my family members had one that was particularly new and functioning properly.
My cousin Rashaun offered to ask one of his friends to lend him one and that he'd take me on a ride, but I told him I didn't want him to trouble himself. He told me it would be no trouble at all... however, I insisted that it was fine and there were plenty of other things for me to do, like sight-seeing.
When I got home, I was surprised to find on the floor a single envelope for me. It's not the receiving mail part that surprised me, considering I'd become accustomed to it all summer with Henry's letters. What surprised me was the slanted, angular script that wrote my name. I recognized it well enough and wondered why the hell Snape was writing to me. I mean, yes I'm aware he said he would, but I hadn't really thought he would. Or at least I had hoped he wouldn't.
Rather instead of wasting time wondering about it, I merely opened the envelope and pulled out the small piece of parchment and unfolded it. On it, was a rather short note and I was rather stunned that looking at Severus' writing and reading it, I really felt nothing. I suppose I was really over it all and that perhaps the only reason I had thought of him at all, was because I had some feeling that he would somehow make his presence known. However, not even reading the parchment evoked a response from me, not even slight vexation towards him.
The note was as follows:
Dear Kali,
I hope this finds you well. I ran into Miss Bigsby in Hogsmead today. She works in an apothecary there. I'm almost sure you haven't spoken to your friend since she left Hogwarts, I thought you might want to know.
Sincerely,
Severus
I raised a brow at this and felt the corner of my mouth twitch as a slew of emotions coursed through me, few of which had anything at all to do with Snape. However, I suppose I was rather amused by his note. Straight and to the point. The man was really never going to change. I shook my head at this as I headed up the stairs towards my room and pondered what all underlined this letter and its news.
It was nice to hear of Calla, however brief, and know something of her. I mean... despite everything I had considered her a friend as I had no one else since Henry. When she left school, I had no idea what had become of her. I had my own issues to deal with, not to mention NEWTs. I figured she must be home and was probably fine. However, I had missed her and felt angry at her for just leaving and never bothering to say anything to me.
I suppose I could somewhat understand that. No matter what she said, I knew that she really felt something strong for Severus and I was an obstacle. I know she hurt at the fact that he chose me over her at the time, and so I could understand her not contacting me. Hell, perhaps the reason simply wasn't that, but because she had actually found something to do and was busy. Whatever the case, I could understand. However, that didn't take all those feelings away.
So she was in Hogsmead? I briefly wondered if I should visit her, however, didn't really want to being as I did resent her slightly for just up and leaving. Clearly she didn't care much for our friendship, if it could be considered that, so why should I try to rekindle it? Besides... it was so odd. She was in Hogsmead, rather close to Severus. It seemed like a scheme to be near him. Sometimes I wondered if perhaps the reason I got along with Calla was because she should have been in Slytherin, because honestly she never struck me as hardworking like typical Hufflepuffs.
I didn't really care if she was there just to be near Snape. I wasn't even curious as to whether or not they actually had an encounter and what had occurred or how long she had been there in Hogsmead. However, I couldn't deny that despite everything... I was curious to know how she was.
Placing my bag on the end of my bed, I walked around it and lay down. Briefly, I skimmed over the letter, wondering if I missed anything. I carefully looked at any vital information before scrunching up the parchment into a ball and chucking it. I watched it float through the air for a brief moment as I swiftly pulled out my wand and pointed at it. Before it managed to reach the floor I made it vanish.
Working in an apothecary in Hogsmead, huh? Well if I were to visit, that was all I really needed to know. And if I did decide on visit her, it would have to wait until school started up. I had absolutely no desire to run into Severus in Hogsmead. I may not feel much of anything for the man, but the residue of what I once felt, but that did not mean I wished to see him again.
Later that evening, it seemed that even if I had wanted to see her, I wouldn't have been able to. My parents wanted us to head to Falmouth to see my brother before the summer was over, as we usually did. I had no real particular desire to go, and not simply because it meant seeing my brother or wanted to not run into my ex, or rather my first. He wasn't even on the same team as my brother anymore. He had joined the Chudley Canons, and the only reason I knew this was because when it happened my brother griped about it quite a bit. He didn't like players that traded teams. He took being on a team too seriously and considered it changing allegiances as though they were in war, something unforgivable.
Though I hadn't seen my brother in a long time, and could not hate him for breaking Professor Bell's heart, as I knew he would, I had no desire to see him. I knew that it would only make my thoughts and longing for her intensify and every time I looked at my brother, who was dating several other girls, I couldn't help but wonder how on earth Professor Bell had not been enough from him.
I was bored most of the time I spent there as I had not brought Pandora with me because I thought it had the potential to lead to awkward situations with my brother. For a week, I felt like I would go out of my mind, but it did serve some purpose. The mystery, of what had happened between him and Professor Bell was solved. See my brother keeps anything in which he comes out in, he's that much of a vain arse. So at his place, I found a wizarding tabloid, which contained a picture of him partying with several girls, one of which was on his lap and seemed to be licking his ear. Its date of publication was near to the end of the previous school year, and I wondered if Professor Bell had seen this and had been the reason why things had ended between them. After all, the picture was rather unsavory and I could just imagine what seeing it would do to someone in love.
Knowing the reason for their break-up, though, did not change anything. Actually, made me feel all the worse for Professor Bell and I hoped that wherever she was, that she was doing all right... I hoped that she had gotten over it and was happy. More than seeing her and being with her, I desired that. Just for her to be happy.
While I was visiting with my brother, I wrote to Henry, but there really wasn't much to tell. I did inform him that I would be returning home on August 31st. He wrote and told me he was jealous that I was surrounded by professional Quidditch players. When I wrote to him, I told him that I'd switch places with him in a heartbeat, that I rather be a slave to the ministry than surrounded by a bunch of Quidditch players who had a penchant for being too aggressive. I mean really what could you expect of the Falmouth Falcons, whose team motto was "Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads."
The day after I returned home, I kept thinking of Hogwarts. In seven years, this was the first time I was not headed to Hogwarts and it felt so strange. I was oddly melancholic as I roamed around the house. I was near to ripping the hair out of my head as I wandered around after several hours of restless reading, watching some tele and listening to muggle music... the two forms in which my love for muggles was most noticeable... well apart from muggle literature. Can you blame me, most wizarding music is terrible. Celestina Warbeck makes me want to puke. I'm rather drawn to my father's favorites, the greatest of which were the Beatles.
That day, I also spent hours in bed, tossing and turning, simply trying to figure out what I was supposed to do now. The idea of joining my dad in the shop got more and more unappealing. Its not that I don't want to be around my rather, because I adore him, I do. But I just don't know what to talk to him about for long periods of time. Around six to eight hours a day on a daily basis... I don't think either of us would survive it and even though my father's business does well enough, there are definitely times during the day the shop is absolutely dead and.. what then?
But then what did that leave? I could work at the ministry, and I wouldn't be likely to see my mom constantly so that would be a plus. But the Ministry has tons of people and I'm not a people person. I'd be constantly surrounded and ... I can't take that. At least in school I had many reprieves from being around people, at the Ministry, there were none. And I think if I saw Henry on a daily basis, I'd want to kill him. And I don't want to increase the chances of seeing Mr. Malfoy.
So what does that leave? I don't want to look after sick people or have people's lives in my hands, required by all Healers; I don't want to put my life in danger every day by being an Auror; I'm not fond enough of creatures to want to deal with them; I'm not a fan of Herbology or Potions to deal with fields that involved one or the other, though usually require both; what the hell does that leave?
I don't think I'm cut out for dealing with people, in the setting where I have to cater to them, so that seems to cut out shops. The only thing that seems to be left is... teaching and working for a publication. The problem with the latter is I hate journalism. I could always write a book... but I think I lack the discipline required to finish stories. I've written some... in my head at least, never finished anything and I don't think I would. Besides, the few bits and pieces of poetry I've written in my sketchbooks, never meet my high expectations. So that seems out of the question, not like its easy anyway. Being an editor for something might work... but I have slight trouble with my eyes, so I probably wouldn't be the greatest of editors. Besides, once again the issue of dealing with people comes in here. Not to mention my extreme pickyness... I can't read just anything.
Teaching, I'd never considered it. I can't see myself standing in front of a class, lecturing... but then again being as I'm not far different from Snape and he does, however... hard-handedly and discouragingly... I'm sure I could do it. Probably even better than him because I wouldn't intimidate like he does. But I hate the idea of being couped up in a school year round.
You'd think I'd be used to that considering I went to a boarding school for seven years, but perhaps that's even a better reason. I spent seven years, imprisoned in the same place, surrounded by the same people, I wanted to get away. I wouldn't voluntarily put myself in that situation and as my cousin Kyra told me last Christmas, there are few to no wizarding schools that allow one to teach and live off school premises. I suppose I could go to teach at the school my cousin Kyra goes to, but there seem to be issues with that as well.
Kyra is teaching at that specific school, which teaches their students English, but they're not fluent enough in English for me to be able to teach there. Besides the subject Kyra teaches, revolves around math, which is universal and even the terms of Arithmancy varies very little in all languages, if at all. Besides, what would I teach? I wasn't particularly fond of any subject. Well aside from History of Magics, Charms and... as Henry called it, my guilty-pleasure Divination.
History of Magics would definitely be out of the question, being as what I learned in Hogwarts is a Eurocentric view of Magical history. I know virtually nothing of Japaneses Magical History. Besides, History requires lots of lecturing, more than any other subject, which would mean I would have to be fluent in the language. Divination... I think my face would fall off in embarrassment if anyone else found out I found it a fascinating subject. Charms... that could be doable if you considered it was vastly practical.
It seemed like too much work, but considering it was the only thing that even vaguely seemed appealing and doable and required the most thought from me, I thought perhaps it was worth looking into. Who know's, perhaps I could find a school I wouldn't mind so much being cooped up in. Or perhaps Kyra wasn't as thorough in her search as she should have been. If it even really had to come down to it, maybe I should pay Kyra a visit in Japan.
Food for thought, certainly. Even finding something remotely plausible did something to put my mind at some ease. Besides, I was only just newly eighteen... I was young, especially in the wizarding world. I had time to figure it out.
Calla
Finally, Friday came, which meant I had the next two days off. Hans offered to work the weekend for me for extra wages which I had no problem doing though I had to do it under the table because Hum Tate would most certainly not approve. Hans said he could handle it and I so desperately wanted the rest. Working nonstop was finally catching up to me, that and the added stress of what I would do when I saw Snape again didn't help.
Part of me hoped Snape wouldn't show up even though he had no classes to teach for the weekend. After what Emmy told me, I was almost certain he didn't want me anymore and wouldn't show up. But then I got to thinking about what he'd done to Kalinda. When he was with her, he still carried on with me. That thought only made my anger worse.
"You should go home, Calla," Hans told me. I was busy finishing up stocking for the weekend so he wouldn't have to worry about it. If all else failed, I was just round back, I figured but I didn't want to be bothered. We had already flipped over the "OPEN" sign to "CLOSED" and Hans was counting the register, a job I normally did but now entrusted Hans to do so.
"Why, so you can steal all of that money?" I called back to him in a teasing manner. Hum Tate had so many anti theft charms set up on that register it was impossible to so much as sneak a goddamn breadcrumb from it. Trust me, as much as I hated to admit it, I'd tried to steal a few coins for a drink after work once and ended up with blue stains all over the front of my shirt and it stained my skin for a week afterward. I was so ashamed, I wore gloves until it faded away.
"I've come to the conclusion that you are overworked-hang on." The chimes above the door tinkled, signaling that someone had come in. From my standpoint, I couldn't see who it was but my blood froze cold in my veins because I knew exactly who it was. "We're closed, sir."
"Shit," I whispered.
"I know. I'm not illiterate, I can read the sign," I heard Snape's voice say. The mere sound of his voice made me begin to grind my teeth. "I'm looking for Calla. Have you seen her?"
Before Hans could answer him, I made a mad dash for the door. I was almost all the way around back before Snape caught up to me. I could hear him calling after me but I didn't stop until he hit me with a tripping jinx and I fell face first into the ground. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, took a deep breath and faced him. To my complete surprise, Snape looked livid.
"Just who in the hell was that?" He demanded. I was confused for a moment, not really sure who he was talking about until it dawned on me that he was asking about Hans.
"Hans," I answered in a near whisper. "Hum Tate insisted on hiring on some help, so I did."
"And you chose him?"
"Why should that even matter?" I knew perfectly well why it should matter. Hans was very handsome. I wasn't completely blind or numb between the legs, so yes, I had noticed, but I was pretty sure he was gay. Not that I felt that I should have to explain that to Snape. "Besides, you're one to talk."
"What's that supposed to mean?" His glare was ferocious but mine was even more severe.
"I mean, I know about your little excursion into town the other day." He looked startled and I just sneered. "Oh, yes, I know all about it. Emmy Rose, your old friend from Hogwarts, told me about it."
"There's a rational explanation-"
"No there's not!" I cut across him in a shrill tone. "Don't try and schmooze your way out of this because it isn't going to work! I'm incredibly pissed off with you and you'd do well to keep that in mind!"
I spun around quickly and headed round back. I got inside my flat and slammed the door shut and locked it. I peeked out the front window and jumped back quickly as Snape was standing there looking absolutely furious, which he had absolutely no right to be.
"Open the door, Calla!" He called.
"Fuck you!" I snarled. The doorknob started shaking violently. I don't know what possessed me to duck, but I wasn't expecting the door to explode into splinters. I shouted out in fear as wood rained down upon me like a sadistic rain shower.
"You should've opened the fucking door!" He snarled down at my cowering form. He then pulled me up to face him. "Now let me explain. Sit."
Snape pushed me back on to my bed and I let myself fall. Even though I did not want him there, he'd made it apparent that he was going to have his say, even if I wasn't going to hear a word of it. I wasn't going to get un-pissed off.
"She's married, Snape. She doesn't want you!" I growled at him.
"I know she's married. Shut up and let me talk." He paced in front of me as though he were trying to collect his thoughts. "I just happened to know she likes art."
"I like art," I said defensively. "You could've just as easily taken me!"
"Well, now I know that it was a serious lapse of judgement on my part. I should've asked you, but I didn't and I admit that it was wrong."
"You're not making a very good case for your self."
He ignored that. "She was nice to me when a lot of people weren't."
I'm not exactly sure why he thought that would make me feel better.
"I knew she was married but I expected her to be more mature about it. I thought she'd be able to go with me as friends but apparently she didn't see it that way."
"So you don't have feelings for her." He stopped to think for a moment and then shook his head. I rolled my eyes. "You are so full of shit!"
"I did at one point, I'll admit that but it wasn't anything serious and it was easy to forget about her. Inviting her to that exhibition was just a pathetic attempt at trying to re-connect with my past."
I let my guard down for a moment. He at least seemed to be genuine. At least he was being honest with me but I wasn't sure what to believe. If he had feelings towards her, he wouldn't admit to it. Not to me anyway. The thought only made my anger rise again.
"So what am I to you then? Even if what you're saying is true, the fact was that you were in the village and you didn't come to see me."
"I could tell you the truth but it'd just upset you even more."
I just stared at him, half amazed and half disgusted. What more to this could there possibly be and how much more upset could I possibly get? Snape seemed to sense what I was thinking. His shoulders slumped as though he'd just grown tired of having to deal with me and my anger.
"I saw him."
"Saw who? What are you going on about?" I asked him.
"I saw him! Him! The man in the shop!" He snarled in annoyance. Like I'm supposed to read his mind and know what he's thinking exactly what he's thinking it. He meant Hans. I rolled my eyes. "I stopped by the shop, to ask you if you wanted to go to the exhibition and I saw you and him in there, having a laugh!"
"He's a funny guy," I said with a shrug. "We're always having a laugh."
"After that last row we had, I thought maybe you'd just given up on me and went and found some one else, so I thought I'd go find some one else, hoping that if I talked enough about you to her, she'd come and find you and say something!" Snape's face had flushed and he looked as though he were about to puke because of what he'd just said.
His confession should have made me scream at him with rage. I should've kicked his arse out the door for trying to manipulate me like that. I was drained, however. I was tired of being angry with him. It seemed pointless to remain angry and despite the fact that him using some one else to get at me was horrible and cruel, it touched me that he cared enough about me to do that.
"The logical thing to do would've been to come in and talk to me before you just assumed things," I told him in a tired voice. "You could've saved myself and yourself a heart ache."
"That's not the point," he bit back at me.
"I honestly don't think there is a point to any of this," I said with a slight scowl.
I knew what had to be done. I took a breath and willed myself to say it before I had time to think it over or second guess myself. Once it was out there, there was no taking it back.
"Look," I continued. "I think this is getting way out of hand. I think you were right when you said that it might not be wise to jump into something so fast, especially after you and Kalinda split not that long ago."
"What?" Snape's face had gone slightly pink. I instantly wanted to eat my words but in my heart I knew what I was doing was probably the right thing to do.
"I'm suggesting that we put things on hold for a while. So far all we've managed to do is fuck and hurt each other's feelings and I hate to say it but it's not very healthy. We shouldn't be doing this so soon. We're not supposed to bicker and argue until we're old and senile and you've misplaced something and think the help has stolen it and then blame it on me for insisting we hire a maid in the first place."
"You don't want to be with me," he stated in a flat voice. I shook my head violently at him.
"No, no and no! That's not what I'm trying to tell you at all. I want to be with you. I just don't think it's very, you know, kosher."
"It's him isn't it?"
"What?" I was truly baffled at how fast he went from being docile, albeit a prick nonetheless, to a full blown rage addict. It was like a fucked up psychological thriller/drama. "This has nothing to do with Hans! This is exactly what I'm talking about. You don't trust me and if you can't trust me, how are we supposed to survive with each other?"
"Is this really what you want?" Snape asked as he made his way slowly to the door. He touched the nob. My answer would determine whether or not he turned it and walked out.
"Yes," I said. "It's what I want."
"Fine," he hissed and threw the door open. "But don't think for one second that I'd ever have you again!"
Snape slammed the door after him and all I could do was stand there and watch him retreating away angrily from the window. I wanted to chase after him and tell him I was joking, that it was all a test to see what he'd do but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew I shouldn't. I suppose there really is no easy way to torture yourself.
XX
I thought perhaps that after our huge row the night before, I'd never hear from Snape again. I was sure he was finished with me though he had absolutely no right to be angry with me, especially over harmless Hans. I'm pretty sure that the only time Hans ever saw a breast, a baby was attached and he probably didn't much care for it then either.
I'd went against my word and went into the shop the next day anyway. Hans tried to push me out but after I explained what had happened the night before, he seemed to understand that I needed to talk and that I didn't really want to be alone. Under any other circumstance, I'd hide away and not tell a soul as to what was bothering me, but Hans seemed to have this ability to listen like he really cared and wasn't pretending to be interested like most other people did. I hated it when people would yammer on about their problems and then get angry when I didn't have a solution they liked. But I didn't want an answer from Hans. I just wanted to get it off my chest.
"I told you so," he said after I'd finished. "I told you it wasn't a good idea to begin with. I'm just happy you were able to get yourself out before things got out of hand."
"I'm not so sure I am," I said glumly. Not a soul had entered the shop since I'd walked in which annoyed me. Hans said he'd been extremely busy up until ten minutes before I'd showed face. But I was also grateful. I didn't want anyone else overhearing. "I love him."
Hans made a face. "You think you love him."
"I don't think. I know. I've never been in love but I'm certain."
"If you've never been in love, how would you know?"
I stuck my tongue out at him and tried to hide the fact that he was actually starting to piss me off. I knew how felt but I also knew what was right. I didn't want to be miserable. Sure, I was miserable now, but it would get better wouldn't it? Time heals all wounds, I've been told.
"Oh, you got a letter from your grandmother," Hans said as he reached behind the counter. He handed me an envelope which I reluctantly took. I wondered what sort of shit I was in now as I opened it up. Thankfully, it was just a letter to remind me that there was another local merchant meeting at the Three Broomsticks that night and that Hum Tate would really prefer it if I went. It wasn't an outright command but I knew I really didn't have a say in the matter. Hell, I didn't really have anything else to do anyway.
The meeting was actually extremely boring, aside from a tall burly wizard getting entirely too drunk and entirely too loud. Emmy Rose tried to capture my attention but I ignored her and sat at a table by myself and brooded. The meeting ended after two hours and the drunken burly wizard had to be escorted out by a couple of friends. One by one, the merchants cleared out and eventually, aside from a few regular patrons I'd seen in there before, I was the only one left. I didn't want to go home. So I stayed and had a few of drinks. I was nice and tipsy when Snape walked in and made a beeline straight for my table.
"Oh, well, fuck," I muttered under my breath. I thought about ducking under the table but time seemed to slow down and my thoughts seemed to becoming half a second too late. He'd already seen me. I thought the next best thing was to pretend he was invisible and pretend that I didn't notice him. I hummed to myself and swayed in my seat but unfortunately I swayed a little bit too hard and ended up falling out of my chair. My world went completely nuts when I tried to get up and smacked my forehead on the edge of the table. So much for trying to be invisible. Wait, I was trying to pretend he was invisible. Well, needless to say, I was completely fucked up.
"Are you drunk?" Snape asked with a stern eye.
"Well just what in the hell does it look like?" I rubbed the steadily growing knot on my forehead in annoyance. The bastard didn't even offer to help me up but I managed to get back in my seat anyway. "What do you want?"
"I want to talk to you." He sat down across from me and eyed the half empty glass in front of me. "What are you drinking?"
"I'm not entirely sure," I said. I picked up the glass and took a deep swig and spat it back out. "Brandy. Definitely brandy. Disgusting."
"I think you're entirely overworked and it's affecting your ability to think straight, so I thought I'd come back to talk to you after you've had some rest."
"Oh please." I rolled my eyes. "That's not the way to start a conversation in which you're going to try and change my mind. I'm overworked and can't think straight? That makes it sound like I was being irrational."
"That's because you were," he said. It was at that point the room began to spin uncontrollably. I tried my hardest to focus but everything was getting rather fuzzy. The next thing I knew there was a cup of coffee being shoved into my hands. I took a sip without thinking. I woke up instantly, surprised by the hot liquid. At first, I wondered where I was. I saw Snape and it came back to me. I sat back in my chair and tried to collect my thoughts. "Are you better?"
"What?"
"You dozed off, Calla."
"I'm sorry," I said and took another gulp of coffee. "What were you saying?"
"I was saying that perhaps you should talk things out with me now that you've had some rest but I can clearly see that it's a huge mistake."
"You're angry," said Captain Obvious, AKA me. "Right. Of course you're angry. You're always fucking angry."
"I refuse to wait for you to grow up!"
"Well don't!" I was on my feet now, feeling extremely heated. It was like a repeat of the night before and I wasn't in the mood for it. "I'm not going to make myself miserable over a casual fuck!"
The whole room went quiet and it was then that I realized how loud I was getting and Snape was clearly embarrassed. He had slunk back in his seat as though trying to hide though we were both clearly in sight of every one.
"Sit down," he hissed at me. I thought about snapping back and continuing to yell because god it felt good. But at the same time I wasn't exactly enjoying the attention either. So I plopped back down and ended up spilling what was left of my coffee. Snape vanished the mess with his wand as though it were nothing but a slight itch on the nose. "You don't mean that."
"The hell I don't," I said. "That's all it is and you know it. The only reason you come around is because you want to get laid and you only come around when you want to come around so not only is it just a casual fuck, it's a casual fuck on your terms!"
"You must not think much of me."
"You're right. I don't. You haven't really given me a chance to form a different opinion."
"So what exactly do you think of me?" Snape asked quietly as he stared me down intensely. A man at the bar coughed slightly. I took the chance to avert my gaze towards him rather than to Snape.
"Well, you want the honest-to-God-truth or do you want me to sugarcoat it?"
"By all means, please be completely honest," said Diplomatic Snape.
"I think you're a possessive womanizer. You treat everyone who has any ounce of feeling for you like dirt. You're manipulative and would knock down your own mother to get what you want, the way you want and when you want. Brother, that is not a good way to be," I said. "You, sir, are a grade A prick and I mean that in the least flattering way possible."
"Is that all?" I expected him to completely blow up at me but he was surprisingly calm. I was slightly nonplussed by his reaction. "Because if that's all, it's all completely negotiable."
"Beg pardon?"
"I'd rather not elaborate here. Why don't we go back to your house and discuss this further without the threat of being overheard."
"See, there you go, being all manipulative. Just how can you be certain I even want you at my place?"
He gave me a look that made me challenge all of my morals and don't ask why or how. Let's just say I was still perhaps a teensy bit drunk and more than a little tired of the bullshit. I just wanted things to be okay, whether or not that involved Snape in my life.
I wasn't sure why he was so adamant about not ending things or why he even thought that's what I wanted. I didn't want to end things, I just needed time to think and perhaps get to know myself a bit better, but as far as I could tell getting to know myself wasn't as great as I thought it was. So far I'd found out that I was a complete nutcase, which I knew before, but now I was more aware of it which only made me even more of a nutcase. For fucksakes, I was sleeping with a man who was once my teacher! You cannot get anymore fucked up than that. The only piece of solace I was able to find in that was that he was just as fucked up as me if not more.
So we walked back to my house, neither of us saying anything. It wasn't so late that everybody was in bed but it was late enough that nobody was out wondering the streets, so we were virtually alone, save for a few stray animals in the village. A couple of cats started following us and I pondered the thought of keeping one as a pet until I realized the only reason they were following me was because of a package of catnip that I had in my back pocket. I took the packet out and emptied it on the ground in front of the cats and they immediately started rolling around in it, acting as though everything in the world was just fucking dandy. Cat ganja. Good shit. I made a mental note to have Hum Tate's herbalists grow a bigger stock. I could make a fortune with pet owners.
We got to my front door and I stopped. I was starting to rethink letting him inside. What could it lead to? Sex? More arguing? Neither were all that desirable at that point.
"What's wrong?" Snape asked.
I shook my head and said, "I'm not sure if I should let you in or not."
He didn't reply. He pushed ahead of me, opened the door and walked inside with so much authority it made me weak at the knees. I guess I had a thing for authority. Who knew? I knew that this was not going to go well at all, especially if all I could think about what him taking over and commanding me. Which is exactly what he did once I finally managed to walk inside. Before I knew what was happening, I was being pushed into the bed and he was snogging my face off. I was so out of it, I couldn't stop him but I didn't exactly want him to stop. My body's response was completely overwhelmed with the sexual chemistry between the two of us.
The sex was angry, borderline violent but erotic nonetheless. By the time it was over, we were both panting and I was still sort of whimpering and quivering from the intensity of it all. I was completely sober by the time we'd finished and he'd rolled off of my sweaty body. Snape grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around himself and sat at the small table I'd found a few days before, looking as though he were ready to start talking business. I felt as though my back were glued to the mattress.
"So did you mean all of that you said?"
"Every word of it," I said in a raspy voice. I was still out of breath. But I looked up and Snape looked as though I'd kicked his dog, partially hurt and partially stumped as to why I'd go and do such a thing. I really didn't care at that point. I didn't know the full details of his and Kalinda's relationship but I knew he'd done some pretty fucked up things to her as well and deserved it for her as well as myself.
"That's not very fair, Calla."
"What do you mean not fair?" I sat up and glared at him. For some reason, he couldn't exactly look me in the eye. I wondered if it wasn't because he felt guilty but more realistically, it probably was because I was completely naked. "What's not fair is the way you treat me. What's not fair is that I have to put up with it. This is exactly why I was trying to put a hold on things, to make you think."
I started to pick up his clothes for him. They were strewn about all over the place as we'd just started ripping each other's clothes off. I apparently had a better throwing arm than I'd thought because I found his main robes on top of my bookcase across the room.
"What are you-" Snape started to ask but then I threw his clothes at him. He was completely bewildered and really, there's nothing more insulting than being slapped in the face with your own underthings.
"Out." I said. "Get out."
He just stared at me which only annoyed me further. I had been trying to hold back my temper but it wasn't working very well.
"Seriously, get the fuck out of my home before I make you get the fuck out."
"You're just going to throw me out after we just-"
"Well...I guess I am, aren't I?" I asked vaguely, purposely trying to annoy him. "You weren't planning on staying the night were you?"
"Well if you must know, yes, I was."
"Well that's just too bad isn't? Now get out."
"Aren't you going to let me put my clothes on first?"
I really had to think about that one for a second. I could've kicked him out completely naked. I was perfectly capable of being that big of a bitch but then I thought to myself that perhaps I could do the man at least one favor. This night wasn't going to get any better for him. So, I stood there with my hand on my hip as I gave him a look and tapped my foot, waiting for him to get dressed. He shot me a dirty look and dressed slowly. When he was finally fully clothed, I opened the door, completely disregarding the fact that I was naked myself. An old man who was across the way happened to be outside, doing what I wasn't sure but he took a good long hard gander, his jaw dropped. I didn't shut the door, figuring this was probably the highlight of his life and that he was married to some old shrew who shrieked at him constantly. I stood there, proud of my nakedness, as he hurried back inside.
"For God's sake, Calla," Snape said, giving me a disgusted look.
"Good night," I said dismissively and began to shut the door. He stopped it with his hand and managed to squeeze the door open again.
"Wait," Snape said and closed the door behind him as to not keep exposing my nudity to the world. "Before you kick me out completely, I need to ask you something."
"What?"
"The art exhibition. Did you want to go?"
I stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to say or think of it. Honestly, art wasn't really my thing, it really seemed to be more Kali's cup of tea. But the chance of getting out and doing something with him was tempting but after he'd asked Emmy first, I wasn't too keen on accepting. It really seemed more like I was plan B, the second choice or the last resort which didn't make me feel too great about myself.
"I dunno. When is it?"
"October. The nineteenth through the twenty-sixth. It's open to the public for free during the day but there's a gala on the first night to raise funds for a charity. It's not too terribly exclusive and I can manage to get the both of us in if you'd like to go."
"You want to go with me to some fancy gala?" I raised an eyebrow at him, thinking that this was a joke. If it was a joke he looked genuinely sincere and not very confident, like he fully expected me to laugh in his face, which I almost did. I grinned stupidly, thinking about how ridiculous we would look all dressed up. Not to mention the fact that he'd be completely out of his element amongst a bunch of bejeweled old rich people.
"What's so funny?" Snape asked. "If you don't want to go, I'm not going to force you. All you have to say is no."
"It's not that, I swear, I'm not laughing at you." I took a moment to compose myself but I couldn't keep from smiling, caught up by a sudden moment of affection for the poor lad. It made me feel better that if I said no, it would crush him. "But, yeah, I'll go."
"It's formal, just so you know," he said, sounding like his old condescending self again. He must've doubted that I had anything formal to wear at all and well, he was right about that. I didn't. That just meant I had to go shopping which wasn't really what I liked to do. I had over a month, so I put it out of my mind for the moment.
"Is that all or are you going to make more excuses to stay?"
"No, that's all." He shook his head slowly. "...Only, I wanted to say thank you."
"For what?"
"For going with me to that gala."
"We haven't gone yet. I could change my mind."
"I think not," Snape said. "I've already paid for the tickets."
"For you and Emmy Rose or for you and me?"
"For me and whomever I could manage to get to go with me. I was hoping you. I didn't expect Emmy to agree to anything. She's pregnant."
I quirked an eyebrow. "...And you know this how?"
"I have my resources, don't question them." He started to turn toward the door but then stopped short and looked back up at me. "Listen, Calla, I'm sorry for this whole mess. Had I known you'd react how you reacted, I wouldn't have done it."
I sighed and pressed my fingers into my temples. "How on earth did you expect me to react? Seriously? Did you think I'd be happy about it?"
"No," Snape admitted. "I didn't. I didn't think about how you'd react. I just did it without thinking at all."
"You could've saved yourself a load of trouble if you'd said that to begin with. Have you ever heard that saying 'he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones'? I think that applies to this situation." He stared at me blankly. "What I'm trying to say what we have is fragile. It was never solid. When you take something like asking other women out to fuck with me, you're taking a rock and hurling it at the wall. It's basic physics. That wall is going to break. I don't think it's completely shattered but there's a huge crack in it at any rate."
"But it can be repaired, can it not?"
"It could but glass doesn't just grow back and heal. You can't just stick a piece of tape on it and call it good. Over time, cracks grow, you know."
"I think I understand," he said. "But you have to let me come around. I can't do anything to fix it unless you let me."
"Just go, okay? I just need time to think, I'll write."
And so he left, without another word. There was so much I could've told him but I didn't want to be up all night. Then he would've won. I don't know why I was so obsessed with getting the last word in. I suppose it gave me a sense of control.
TBC...
A/n: Review!