A/N: Okay, this chapter is a bit darker than any of my other stories. Just wanted to give you a heads-up. Let me know what you think! (Nicely, please.)
This one is to "Monster" by Skillet. Christian band…by this song, it doesn't sound like it, but they're really good! Seriously, listen to this song! But if you don't like rock and loud music…just don't listen to it. I think the lyrics match up with the story pretty well. Well, at least they did in my head. If you don't get the main idea that I'm trying to get across, shoot me a PM and I'll tell you. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Skillet, Monster, Kingdom Keepers, or Jess and her…what do you call it? Alter-ego…whatever she was when she was under the spell?
She can't control it. What she once was—it still haunts her. She can't get rid of it. It's there. Forever. It's a part of her that will never go away.
The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged, but I can't control it
Of course, it didn't have full affect anymore. It didn't completely take over. Now. It used to. She could keep her secret from people, but they would never understand. Not the Keepers. Not even Amanda. They weren't placed in a mental jail, where someone—something—was controlling your every move.
So stay away from me
The beast is ugly
If anyone were to find out about this…this monster that was inside of her…she would probably be in a mental hospital for the rest of her life. She stayed away from people as much as she could. She was, apparently, a great actress since she hadn't let people see this side of her. Amanda knew…some of it. She would hear Jess tossing and turning during the night, probably from nightmares. Her dreams weren't common knowledge, either. People had called her "gifted." She would argue "cursed."
I feel the rage, but I just can't hold it
It's scratchin' on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can't control it
Mostly, she could keep it contained, but there were times when she was all by herself that it came awake, with no one to pull her back to reality. But she didn't know which was worse—reality, or the thing inside her.
Hidin' under the bed
In my body in my head
She would freeze, all of a sudden. Just stop whatever she was doing. She could feel it awaken, and overcome her will. Her brain. She did whatever it told her to do. There was no stopping it. It just happened. No matter how hard she tried to stop it.
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end
Usually, it happened during or after her dreams. It would scare you to death, seeing the things that were in her dreams. But she learned how to deal with it.
At least enough not to go insane.
Well, not too insane. She couldn't handle it. Sometimes it was just too hard. There was no fighting it.
I feel it deep within
It's just beneath the skin
Sometimes, she could hear…her speaking. Not Maleficent. Maleficent wasn't making the choices for her.
Jezebel was.
Sometimes, Jezebel would take over her body, her mind, her very soul.
And there was nothing Jess could do about it.
I must confess that I feel like a monster
That was the one word to describe it.
Monster.
Jezebel was the monster.
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
It wasn't always her dreams that predicted the future that scared her. Sometimes, her dreams were of her past. Looking back on how she hurt people.
How she hurt the Keepers.
How she hurt Amanda.
Amanda was her sister. She couldn't even accept herself anymore. Traitor, she would call herself. That's all I am. A traitor.
I must confess that I feel like a monster.
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
If there were something controlling you, wouldn't you, too, go insane? Imagine if there were someone—something—that knew your every thought, your every action, your every fear. Imagine if that thing took control over you.
My secret side I keep
Hid under lock and key
It comes awake and I can't control it.
She could hear Jezebel still in her mind. When Finn lifted the curse, he didn't get rid of it all. He only gave her enough back to have her own choices. The spell? It was supposed to be permanent. As in, it could never been undone. Partly right. Being conscious of your own actions was a great privilege to have.
'Cause if I let him out
He'll tear me up, break me down
Letting it loose isn't an option. The more she let it loose, the more power it gained over her. She is in a fight for her life. A fight for her sanity. A fight for her soul. Who knows what could happen if Maleficent gained control over her again? She's gotten smarter. Much smarter. It would be worse than it was before.
If that was even an option.
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end
When she hears the monster inside her head, it refers to her as "Jezebel." Therefore, referring to her as the monster.
Jess wasn't the monster.
Was she?
I feel it deep within
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
It's impossible for it to completely take over again, but Jess doesn't know that. She's afraid that, if she gets trapped again, there's no escape this time. Maleficent is too smart for the spell to be able to break. She had that kind of power. And it was frightening.
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
Usually, it was over just as quick at it started. Just as soon as the beast took control over her, it would lose power. Was this Maleficent's doing? Was she the one controlling Jess to this extent?
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
It's hiding in the dark
His teeth are razor sharp
Sometimes, she even hallucinates. She sees things in her dreams that, if we could see them, too, we would all think were real.
There's no escape for me
He wants my soul
He wants my heart
But she can never escape it. No matter how hard she tries. She just…breaks. She loses even more sanity every time she dreams. Because she knows. She knows that the horrifying things she sees in her dreams will come true.
At some point.
No one can hear me scream
Maybe it's just a dream
Maybe it's inside of me
She wakes up, panting and drenched in sweat.
I swear, it was real! She says whenever she dreams. Because, to her, it is real.
It's all going to come true.
Someday.
Stop this monster
But, that was the thing—there was no stopping it.
I feel it deep within
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
"No," Amanda tells her. "You're not the monster."
"But I am," Jess replies, sobbing. "It's a part of me."
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
It's…there. No better word to describe. There. Sometimes threatening, sometimes quiet. Something Jess can't control.
I feel it deep within
Its just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
"You have no power over me," Jess says to the monster.
"That's what you want to think, Jezebel. But, truthfully, you can never get rid of me." The monster shouts back.
I'm gonna lose control
It's something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster
"Call me that again," Jess fights back, "and I swear I'll—"
"You'll what? You can't get rid of me. I'll still be here. Always."
I, I feel like a monster
"You. Can't. Control me," Jess said, pushing the ugly beast back, mentally. The harder she pushed, the more Jess could feel the monster's powers decreasing. She pushed with all her might, until every ounce of strength was gone in her body. Jess sat up shakily, waiting for any more signs that the monster was still there.
"You may have weakened my powers," the monster said, "but you have not seen the last of me."
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
Jess understood that she was fighting an uphill battle, facing powers that were far greater than her own.
But at least she could see what was coming. Sometimes, being a Fairlie does have it's advantages.
A/N: Whoo…pretty deep. That was an…interesting story to type. Completely unlike anything I've ever written before.
Tell me how you liked it, even if it was bad, say it in a nice way!