Chapter 7: Insert valve joke here

"Bowen? Where are you?"

How did I, the olympic class runner, lose someone with the brain of a peacock and the running ability of a well toned elephant?

"Bowen! Get over here to the entrance, NOW!"

No response.

Dammit, looks like I gotta find him myself...

Picking up speed, I rushed through the hallways while calling for my lost, pea-brained friend.

"Bowen!"

I stopped at a slightly open door.

It's dark in there, Bowen hates the dark. Not a chance.

As quickly as I had stopped, I ran off again.

(POV switch: Third person, in this location)

For a while, nothing could be heard.

The area was void of activity, until a voice came from beyond the door.

"...Sakuya."

Where Ray had been seconds ago, there was now a white-haired woman in a maid outfit.

"Yes?"

"We have intruders. Expel them, please."

"Yes, milady."

The maid disappeared in a flash of light, emitting a sound somewhat like metal rubbing against metal, briefly but speedily.

(POV switch: Ray)

...This must be it.

I was standing in front of a doorway that appeared to have once had a door in it. Unfortunately, said door was split into individual boards, lodged in a wooden shelf, across the room that was on the other side of the door.

The hinges still had small parts of it attached, and were barely attached to the doorframe.

"Bowen?"

Still no response...

"Where has that nimrod gotten off to?"

As if to answer my question, I heard a crashing sound, like a lot of stuff falling off a shelf.

Off in the distance, I heard a voice. "Dammit... Didn't mean to knock that one over."

Bingo.

I walked into the room, only to find that the ceiling was at least twice to three times the height of the roof of the mansion.

"I didn't go down any stairs... Except those ones I had already gone up."

As I further examined the area, it was easy to determine that this was a massive library. Massive, with a capital EVERYTHING. This place puts every public library in America, COMBINED, to shame.

If I know Bowen...

I walked around, somewhat cautious of what could be hiding in these shelves, following the sound of my numb-skulled companion's voice as it grew.

"...Nope."

Curious as to what he was doing, I decided to sneak up on him.

Walking around to the opposite side of the aisle he was in, I slowly approached him.

"...Nope."

Eventually, I got close enough to tell he was...

Taking books out of the bookcase...

He took what appeared to be his 50th or something book out of the case, simply saying "Nope" as he tossed it to the ground.

That poor guy, he's looking for that kind of cliche'd secret entrance.

"HEY, BOWEN!"

He looked over at me, dropping the book in his hand while making a mad dash for me.

"Ray, help me look for a secret entrance."

"I don't think Luke would design one like that..."

"You don't?" He looked disappointed.

"Sorry, but no. Anyway, I don't think Luke is in here, but something strange is definitely afoot."

"What?"

"Have you looked up at the ceiling in here?"

"No, why? What's wrong wi-"

He stopped mid-thought to stare in awe at the impossible. You'd think seeing an ice fairy would fix that.

"...Exactly. Anyway, if Luke isn't in here, then we'd better stop wasting time before we run into more-"

A set of throwing knives was suddenly lodged in the bookcase we were in front of moments ago.

Not good.

"PUT ME DOWN!"

"Not unless your childhood dream was to be a pincushion!"

I had, in a desperate grab at living another day, picked Bowen up and blown off through the sea of bookcases.

More knives, twelve o clock!

Taking a quick jump to the right, I landed just as the aisle came to an end, thankfully allowing myself to continue on, and up the wall.

Rushing upward, I had to make an unexpected turn as more knives came to rest where I would have been in a matter of seconds.

Wait... why haven't I lost whoever this is yet?

I looked over my shoulder, hoping to see my assailant, to no avail.

Well, if it's a fight they want, it's a fight they get!

I made a u-turn, sending Bowen and I hurtling towards the ground at dangerous speeds. Just before we became half-living pancakes, I jumped, sliding down an adjascent bookcase to bring our descent to a smooth halt.

"Come on out, now. I don't want to fight, but if that's all you're here for, I can oblige!"

Bowen jumped out of my grasp, pushing me aside.

"No, this is my fight. I'm on a roll today."

Just less than a second after he had said this, a metallic screech pierced the air and a woman appeared.

What's with all the girls? I'm the only guy I've seen here, save for Bowen...

Studying her appearance, she looked to be a maid.

Well, this IS a mansion.

She had short, white hair and a set of knives between her fingers on either hand.

"If you don't want to fight, then I'll have to ask you to leave."

Bowen stepped up, raising a fist towards the maid.

"And if we don't?"

"...Then I'm afraid I'll have to use force."

In a split second, the knives from her hands were lodged on the wall behind Bowen, making a perfect outline of his body.

"If you enjoy the fact that you're alive, I'd recommend leaving. I don't miss."

I stepped over to my only companion, hoping to change his mind.

"Bowen... this might be the first time my speed is actually useful here. Can I handle this one?"

"...Fine. But don't expect me to help you out when your ass gets kicked!"

-IIIIIIT'S SHOWTIME!-

"...What was that?" That thing seems to confuse EVERYONE, doesn't it?

"Hoverpack. Just ignore it. That also means it detected we're going to fight, so... uh."

The maid produced more knives from an indiscernable location, preparing to strike.

"So be it."

She rocketed towards me, removing a few strands of hair as I backflipped out of the way.

Quickly realizing this, she sent what knives she had flying in my direction, all of them once again dodged as I jumped off of the wall.

"I thought you were keeping up with me, before!"

Following through with my jump, I decided to take on the element of surprise, transforming it into a flying kick while tripling my speed.

Unfortunately, she dodged, leaving me to impact the ground. Of course, not everything can go as planned.

"Oof!"

That hurt a little more than expected.

"Uh, Ray..."

"WHAT? Can't you see I'm BUSY here?"

I had to duck under a few incoming knives, barely keeping my head attached to my shoulders.

"There's something big, and it's coming this way fast..."

"Does it look about as big as what we saw last night?"

I threw out a palmful of fodder danmaku, barely countering the inbound knives.

"No... Bigger."

Just as he said that, a growing sound became evident. Like an engine, but too deep and too loud.

"WHAT?!"

I jumped over the maid as she attempted a sweeping kick.

"It's almost here now..."

A massive crashing sound could be heard outside.

"This is getting bad, fast... Sorry, lady, but I can't stay! Whatever's outside is probably out to kill, though, so I think you'd better run."

Once again, a thunderous crash sounded outside. It got louder, this time shaking the area around us.

"So you're leaving?"

She held her next round of knives back for a bit.

"Yeah."

"Good. My job is done."

Her knives outright disappeared, to god-knows-where.

"Well, at any rate, there won't be anywhere left to leave in a minute or two!"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Are you deaf? Didn't you hear the bombs going off outside?!"

"Bombs?"

The maid appeared dumbfounded.

CRASH

A new skylight was involuntarily installed on the roof of the library, and some books began to fall from their shelves.

"Yes, bombs! Now RUN!"

Start music: Flying Battery Zone

I picked Bowen up as I had before, abruptly ending my battle with the knife-throwing maid by removing myself from the premises, deciding to once again scale the wall.

The books proved a minor nuisance as the ceiling grew ever closer, until eventually I took a leap of faith, up and out the hole in the roof.

Now, what's doing all this?

Night had fallen, and it was pitch black, except for... no, wait, those are searchlights!

"Ray? What's- oof."

I just dropped him.

"You son of a..."

He stopped, looking at the titanic airship hovering just above their heads.

"Yeah."

"So. Want to find the nearest safe area and blow this thing to high hell above it?"

"There are only two answers to that: Yes, and HELL yes."

With a face-splitting grin shared between us, we made the biggest jumps we could, sending us spiraling up into the air-based aircraft carrier.

We were instantly greeted by a group of 3 robots, each of which quickly and violently dissassembled with our combined effort.

"They might pack a decent punch, but they might as well be glued together at this point!"

"Which way do you think the helm is?"

"Uh..."

"Wait, here's a map."

The map was very well made, showing on a large electronic screen, and composed entirely of different shades of blue, save for the "YOU ARE HERE" marker, which was red.

"So, we're here in artillery/resupply room #6, the engines would be to the left, and the helm on the opposite side. Simple enough."

CLUNK

"Way ahead of you!"

The door, once again, was off its hinges. It was metal, and huge, so it didn't fly as far, but...

Of course, as soon as it comes to smashing, he suddenly can't contain himself.

I sighed as more robots spotted everyone's favorite dimwit, promptly signing their own death warrants as they were chucked through the floor and sent plummeting to their doom.

A few rooms and approximately $10,000 total damage to hardware later...

STOP MUSIC

"Luke, if you're in there, come out before we commandeer the ship!"

We were standing just outside the helm, ready to do just what we were threatening to.

"10... 9... 8-"

"TOO SLOW!"

Yet another door was liberated from its hinges, luckily this time only falling over as opposed to crashing through a window.

*sigh*

We walked into the cockpit, expecting something completely smooth and streamlined, like a one-button ship with 50 useless blinking lights or something.

Instead, it was pretty much what you'd expect from an air carrier, except for one vital difference; At the center was a huge pilot's chair, with most of the controls centering around it instead of located on the control panels.

"This looks familiar."

Bowen walked over to the pilot's chair.

"Isn't this keyboard from the first portal thingy?"

He made himself comfortable in the luxurious seat, inspecting more of the elements of the control panels.

"And this joystick. This was in the compact shuttle."

"Well, these ARE Luke's basic designs for these things."

Now, we knew enough about how to fly to make this thing work.

"One problem. How do we get it to obey our commands?"

"Hang on, didn't that robot recognize me from a voice identifier? Maybe this thing..."

"Try it."

I leaned forward over the guard rail in genuine interest.

Bowen readied himself, most likely visualizing a situation in which the authorization phrase would be fitting.

"MOTHER FUCK!"

Perfect!

"USER 7 RECOGNIZED. PILOT PERMISSIONS GRANTED."

"Told you so."

The controls that were around the pilot's chair closed around it, in turn creating what looked like one of those chair-based playpens for babies, except on steroids.

"Now, this looks pretty simple... This joystick here controls direction, this lever altitude, this screen is the radar, and those are the controls for the main laser cannon."

"When the fuck did you go to flight school, bonehead?"

"Two years before I met you."

"Now, the control panel to my right and behind me looks like it handles exterior cameras and weaponry. The other one looks like it handles internal security, bombs, and also serves as a robot control center."

"What I want you to do is shut down all weaponry temporarily. We don't know what the hell might be coming our way, but I don't want any misfires while there isn't any threat."

"Sure thing..."

Bowen? FLIGHT SCHOOL?

I flipped a few levers, pressing a few buttons as I did so, and watched the robot horde return to a standby position as the side-mounted laser cannons retracted into the hull of the metallic monster we were riding in. During this, the drop hatches also closed.

"Weaponry shut down."

"Good. Shifting from "stable" to "fast"."

Bowen pulled a lever that was directly to his right, some of my screens showing the wings, previously located on top of the carrier, extend out into more plane-like positions.

"Starting auxillary engines..."

Bowen flipped a switch near the lever he had already.

A louder whirr than before rang throughout the airship, indicating that this operation was a success.

"Scoping out nearest potential landing area..."

A screen lowered from the ceiling, to a location just above a point at which it would block Bowen's view. I couldn't see what was on it, but...

"Ascending to safe altitude..."

Bowen pushed the lever that was just to the left of the main control joystick, slowly raising the airship further into the night sky.

"Launching."

The iron beast plunged forward, not nearly as fast as I could run, but hell, this thing's too big for it to be able to do that.

After 3 minutes of uneventful flying, we found a large clearing. This was too good to be true.

"So, are you sure you wanna blow this thing up?"

"I'll quote you here; 'do rocks fall?'"

"Fair enough. But, really, did you think I forgot to loot the place? I found you a better hoverpack and a range amplifier for the energy detector."

In truth, the range amplifier was universal to all detectors and other gadgets that had a radius of effect, but what Bowen didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"Sweet. Let's hook it up!"

Bowen put the machine into stable mode, ordering it to simply hover where it did now.

"I was itching to get this clunky thing off anyway. PLEASE tell me the new one's bigger..."

"Wait, wait. Why don't we figure out what its power source is, now that we have a replacement?"

"...You're full of good ideas here, you know that?"

We took it to the artillery, and used a military grade laser to crack it open. What we saw, instead of a battery or a mini-generator was what looked like a shard of a gemstone.

"Alright. I knew these existed in the outside world, but... who would be smart enough to mine them, here of all places, and for what purpose? They don't need electrical power or anything, their magic is enough..."

I picked it up between my thumb and forefinger, holding it up to examine it.

"We'd better hold onto it. God knows what these things can do for magical power."

"First good point I've heard outta you today, bonehead! Great work!"

Mental note; if I value my head being located on my shoulders, I shouldn't diss Bowen.

We exited the airship from the top, standing there for a few moments looking off at the horizon. Just then, a black blur passed us by, accompanied by a white flash, disorienting me slightly.

But, I didn't want to anger bowen any more. I leapt to the ground, using a combination of danmaku and being light on my feet to land safely. Bowen just used the hoverpack.

"You ready?"

He looked over at me, with the look of a killer on his face.

"As I've ever been."

With that, we charged. Bowen wrapped his entire body in flame, propelling himself full-force into the steel deathtrap, while I used my danmaku similarly, exept with another direction of spin.

(This part of the story was actually, surprisingly, long and boring up until the point I stopped the cut.)

When we had landed on the ground, Bowen had a satisfied look on his face and I just kept it straight, looking down.

We were both turned away as the airship exploded with style, sending bits, peices, and chunks of metal, paper, glass, and other debris flying out of the mass of fire and smoke.

Just as we were walking away, the same black blur came by again, with the same flash, and the same dizziness.

"What was that?"

"I think we just got our photos taken. By someone who can move as fast as me."

"Who in the hell could do that? You can break the sound barrier on a whim, dammit!"

Bowen was a little mad. I figured I should be too, considering I was just shown up, but I was suddenly very, VERY tired.

"Like I care. Sleep. Now."

I threw an improved instant shelter that I hadn't mentioned to him on the ground, letting it do its thing. It was significantly faster than the old one, despite being roomier, including a radio, and being more comfortable in general, with which came a small bathroom and carpeting.

Without thinking, I walked in as the house finished itself, falling over just as the bed came out of the wall to catch me.

And like that, I slept.

Oi, you all. This was the longest chapter to write yet. Also, I ran out of valve puns.

Aya, the lying reporter who makes stories at the expense of the one who stars in them, and Bowen, the hair-triggered strong man who carries a grudge more than a bucket carries water.

This is like mixing gasoline and fire; You know the result. But you do it anyway, because you want to see something explode.