SCENE 10 – Reflections of Clare
"Clare."
The dull pain is ebbing everywhere inside her. She hears the husky voice, and yet she longs for the snow, for Teresa amongst her blackness.
"Clare!"
Reluctantly, she opens her eyes, to see Rubel in the backdrop of a grey morning sky, in his down suit and hat, kneeling down by her side.
"Ahh, so you are awake." He scratches the side of his bald head in a little amusement.
Her eyes sting from the open air.
"Rubel.." Clare goes.
"Let me guess what must be going through that head of yours," he goes. His bespectacled eyes hides whichever feelings would show on his whimsical face. "The Yoma has eluded the swipe of your claymore, Clare, and right now you have this inner guilt, welling in your heart for those you have failed."
Her slight wince proves him correct.
"Ahh. So I see," he goes.
Clare barely holds back a sniffle. She feels so worn out and weary; what happened before is a nightmare she wishes is just a nightmare, and nothing more than that. But there is all the red blood all on her grey, tattered uniform – that clotting gash along her side, and the empty, silent air.
"I.. can't.." Clare goes in weak murmurs. "Don't want this.. people having to die.. because of me. Get someone else.. to do this. Probably the Yoma's out there.. killing more people."
Rubel perks his head, noticing Clare on the verge of losing it. "If you make this decision now to be.. afraid, then you will never turn back. Your whole life, you will always.. be afraid."
A beat.
"You cannot change the deaths of so many lives," Rubel goes. "So many who had once lived.. and laughed. All the past will do, is hold you down in a well of sorrow and regret. But what you do have in front of you, is the future, always coming by. And it is in the future, your future, that will count, where you still can do something of it, as long as you live and breathe."
Rubel's words seem to resonate, and settle somewhere in Clare's heart. She wants to utter something, anything in response to his words, but all that she could muster is a low mumble.
"I know the rage that drives you," Rubel goes. "That anger, strangling your grief so much until the memory of those you have loved is just poison in your veins. One day, you catch yourself wishing that they never existed, so you would be spared your pain. This anger, it will give you great power deep down from your heart, the will.. but if you let it, it will destroy you."
Clare grimaces.
"But first," Rubel goes. "Are you gonna go on, like this – all beaten up?"
He grins.
His hands pull out from behind him another grey uniform, intact, and lays it down just in front of Clare's reach. Her hands slowly go to reach out to the cloth in her fingers.
"And here.. you might need this," Rubel says.
He lays out her greatsword on the ground.
While Rubel looks away to contemplate the desolate surroundings, Clare takes off all of her dented armour to lay it out beside her. She strips off her grey uniform so her bare self is open to show. Her eyes glance down at her self, stopping on a bruised, painful-looking scar down by her stomach, where they put in Teresa's flesh and gave her yoki to fight on. It sends a little tingle inside her, looking at it.
Hurt..? Much..?
Clare lets her fingers go around the scarred area on her stomach - a numbing feeling there to the touch. Then she folds the old tattered, blood-stained uniform by the side, and slips herself into the new one Rubel has provided for her.
Rubel could not help but have a sneak peek on the still-dressing Clare, who is starting to find her new suit strangely loose-fitting on her petite self.
In the distance, a bird begins to chirp.
Once Clare has finally finished dressing herself, she gives a tap on Rubel's shoulder to let him know.
"There are no other jobs awaiting for you now," Rubel goes. "I suggest you take this chance to give yourself a rest. I can't begin to imagine how tired you must feel.. so, until then."
But deep inside, Clare is anything but tired. The Yoma's yoki, still faintly lingering in the air, is a little child tugging on her legs, begging her to come along.
Then something changes in her – a subtle feeling. The empty void in her heart has found something, wishing to be filled. An inner will takes grasp of her, and she knows just what to do.
"Rubel!" Clare goes. He turns around. "Would you have another cloak along with you?"
Despite his bespectacled eyes, she sees surprise fill his usually whimsical face.
"Hm.." he goes. "I thought you'd be used to the chill already. But if you insist."
Rubel's hands rummage through his inventory once more – stopping as his fingers find something wooly. He pulls out a grey, hooded poncho, and offers it out to Clare.
She takes it into her grasp.
Rubel walks away into the distance to take care of other things.
And for a long time, Clare stands still, thinking it all over. The air blows through her and the empty village that once was. Finally, she puts on the grey poncho – it covers all of her self in its garb, drooping to the ground by her legs.
And her legs carry her on the trail of the Yoma's yoki.