Chapter 11: Worse Than A Wolf.
"So what's with all this talk about your father all of a sudden?", Kaltag asked, his mouth free for the moment as he and Steele awaited another piece of wood to reach them. After sitting next to each other awkwardly for a few minutes, glaring death at each other every few seconds, Kaltag finally decided to break the ice between the two former teammates.
"Why do you ask?", Steele grunted, obviously not wanting to his rival. Even though the other dogs pretended to be focused on the rescue effort, he knew everyone else still had their ears pricked up, listening in on what they were saying while they passed off boards of wood to each other. Unfortunately for him, Kaltag wasn't going to drop the subject that easily.
"Cause when I was running on your team, you never mentioned your dad once to us", Kaltag continued, raising his eyebrow.
"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. You three were so busy kissing up, I doubt you ever really listened to word I was saying", Steele replied, rolling his eyes indifferently.
"Hey! We did everything you told us to do!", Kaltag barked angrily.
"That's not listening. That's playing a child's game, follow the leader. If you had really had been listening, you'd have known what we were doing was wrong. And you would have done what the kid did a long time ago. Stood up to me", Steele mused, talking more to himself than Kaltag.
The tan husky next to him snarled and advanced towards Steele. "You're trying to act all high and mighty now?! Have you forgotten what you did to us, to all of us?! We did everything for you, and your repaid us by leaving us for dead! Is that what you do Steele?! Take everybody you love and stab them all in the back?!", Kaltag shouted, taking Steele off guard and causing the malamute to visibly flinch. As the husky started venting all his rage and frustration, he drew the attention of everyone in the room, including Balto, Jenna, and Kodi.
"And then of course, you lie and act you've changed so everybody can feel sorry for you, just so you can do the same thing all over again! You may have fooled Balto, and Kodi, and the others, but you won't fool me! I know you Steele! I ran on a team with you! I was even crazy enough to like you once, so I know how you use people's sympathy to your advantage!", Kaltag continued, moving as close to Steele as he could possibly get without their noses touching.
Balto, worried that his friend was about to do something stupid and slow down their progress, was about to step in, when Steele shot him a look that told the wolf-dog to stay out of it. And for once, Balto complied. The hybrid felt that whatever Steele had to say was something that needed to be said between them.
By the now, Kaltag was so furious that his chest was rising and falling every half second. His teeth bared and his fur bristled, the husky leaned into a stance that all sled dogs assumed right before they were about to bite someone. But before Kaltag make his move, and give into his need for revenge, Steele decided to say something.
"Kaltag, I'm sorry", the malamute said quietly.
Kaltag's anger faded, and the husky's tense body relaxed, as he cocked his head to side. "What?", he asked.
"I'm sorry for everything. What I did to you, and Jenna, and the children, and the team. Everything that everybody told me about myself was true. But I was so much of a stubborn fool to see it until now. And I wouldn't have saw it now if it wasn't for that half-breed's annoying son", Steele explained, though again, the malamute's words came out more like a compliment than an insult. Almost like the sled dog was actually thanking Kodi for being so annoying and persistent. Standing next to his mother and father, a small grin couldn't help but spread across the boy's face. It seemed he had made a difference after all, and his advice really had rubbed off on the malamute.
"I was telling the truth before, when I said that I lost sight of what being a sled dog meant. It was probably the first time I've been honest about something since I was a kid", Steele continued, laughing ruefully at his immorality. "I'm willing to do what the kid said and forget about the past for once. But I know I still did you wrong Kaltag, and I know some wounds go too deep to be healed, like mine and Balto's", the malamute continued, glancing at the wolf-dog and his family again. The sled dog took a deep breath, and looked back at Kaltag, the husky didn't look angry anymore, more of confused.
"So if you think shredding me to pieces will make yourself feel better, I won't try to stop you. God knows I'd deserve it, and so much more. So why don't you go ahead, and do what someone should have done to me years ago", Steele suggested, before closing his eyes. The malamute scrunched up his arms and legs and dug his claws into the wood, bracing himself.
When Kaltag still didn't approach, Steele cracked open his eyes, and took another deep breath. "Well, what are you waiting for? Hit me with your best shot. I know it's what you've been wanting to do since the serum run", Steele said, almost invitingly.
However, even that wasn't enough to get the husky to approach. Instead, all Kaltag did was sigh, and raise his eyebrow. "You really are a complete jackass. You know that, right?", the sled dog frowned.
"Since I was old enough to pull a sled", Steele replied, cracking his eyes open a little further.
"Just when you I was getting used to you being a psychopath, you had to go and become a nice guy again", Kaltag groaned sarcastically.
Once he was sure Kaltag had calmed down, Steele opened his eyes all the way, and relaxed his body. "Couldn't really be helped. Blame the kid", the malamute said, his joking demeanor being, as usual, at odds with the serious nature of their conversation.
"And then you had to play this, the whole 'beat me up if you want to so you can feel good about yourself routine'", Kaltag continued, walking towards Steele.
"Again, blame the kid. He used it on me first", Steele replied, as his former teammate approached.
"Well, from what I know, putting yourself at someone else' mercy takes a lot of guts. And the Steele I remember was a coward, someone who would throw his own team in front of a moving train to save himself. So I don't know what Kodi did, cast some kind of bravery spell on you, or cursed you with compassion, or whatever, but the kid must have done some kind of miracle", the husky mused, as he circled Steele, eyeing the malamute all over for any kind of difference. Finally, Steele's patience ran out, as his old teammate knew it would.
"For god's sake Kaltag, are you gonna accept my apology, or are you gonna keep insulting me?! Either one is fine with me, but just choose one already so you can stop messing with me and we can get back to work!", Steele snapped.
Kaltag grinned, and shook his head, laughing. "Well, at least now I know it's really you and not some guy who just looks like you. The kid couldn't have changed you that much", the husky said, and Steele finally understood why his old friend/enemy was able to switch moods that fast.
The malamute's mouth hung open, as he watched the tan husky walk up to another dog, and accept a piece of the ceiling from him. "You…you were just faking all along?", Steele asked, stunned.
"Well, I had to make sure you really meant what you said, and you weren't just lying to get our sympathy, or turn on us again", Kaltag replied, his voice muffled by the broken tile between his lips.
"Damn it Kaltag!", Steele swore, right before the malamute groaned, as a huge chunk of wood was thrust into his mouth. Kaltag had just handed him the next piece of debris, which meant the chain had started again.
"Apology accepted by the way", Kaltag grinned.
Steele scowled, before turning towards one of Bane's wolves and begrudgingly handing him his load.
Standing a few feet away, Kodi's grin mirrored Kaltag's. The half-breed had to admit, for a middle-aged guy, Kaltag sure was a good actor. A good enough liar to fool Steele. So maybe his best acting skills wasn't something he learned over time, maybe it was a talent he got from being around his Uncle Kaltag so much when he was a kid. Either way, it was good to know the rescue mission was going to be smooth sailing, for now anyway.
((()-()))
And so, the chain gang continued onwards. As time went by, the dogs switched places a few times. Kodi and Griff were now working alongside Steele and Kaltag, but Balto and Jenna were still at the head of the group, working their paws off as the first signs of morning started to appear.
Even though it was still dark inside and outside the hotel, the storm clouds in the sky were starting to become more visible. Even though the rising sun couldn't break through them, you could still make out the outlines of the clouds themselves. And they were getting smaller. Soon the blizzard would either dissipate, or roll out of White Mountain. Either way, everyone knew that they were now running short on time. Worried, Bane left his place in the chain for the moment so he could talk to the group's leader.
"Balto, you know that when the storm is over, the humans will want to come here to inspect the damage to the hotel",
"Yes. But until they get enough volunteers they won't be able to reach Dusty and the others for days. If we save them, we have to do this ourselves", Balto groaned, as he and Jenna moved another large debris from the rapidly shrinking wall of wood.
"I mean, when the humans come we cannot be here, they'd shoot us all on sight", Bane reminded him, beckoning to the pack of gray wolves standing at the end of the chain.
"I know. I'm grateful you and your pack were able to help us this far. But when the storm is over, do what you have to do to protect your family. We still have enough dogs here to make chain after you leave", Balto told him, in a gentle and understanding tone to reassure his friend's guilt.
"Thank you my friend", Bane said, though the sad look in the wild dog's eyes betrayed him. He wished more than anything he could do more to help his old friends. But a wolf that was roaming around a human town in the middle day was a wolf with some kind of a death wish (with the exception of Nome's more famous half-breed).
Balto nodded, and watched as his friend rejoining his pack, before helping Jenna dig through another layer. Balto had no idea how long they had been digging. It felt like an hour, but for all he knew it could have been two. And the slower they went, the more anxious Kodi became.
Steele raised his eyebrow, as he noticed how quiet the half-breed's son was being, as he handed another piece of wood to Bane's pack. "Something bothering you kid? Usually you never stop talking. You should be telling us all to keep being hopeful and optimistic", Steele said sarcastically.
"It's Dusty", Kodi sighed.
"What about her?", Steele asked, walking towards the boy's side. Normally he didn't like to get involved in other people's business, but there was something about seeing such a happy-go-lucky guy like Kodi so sad and depressed that felt wrong. A few years ago, Steele wouldn't have given a damn about where or not some half-breed's kid looked like he was gonna cry. But Kodi had shown compassion towards him, so the least he could do was return the favor and at least pretend to be interested.
"When I married her, I promised her I would always stand by her side. When she walked down that aisle and promised herself to me, I promised her I would always be there for her. I said I would provide for her and the family we were gonna have together. Well, I'm sure doing a heck of a job of that, aren't I", Kodi said dejectedly.
"So far in the last two days, I let her come along on this trip, when I knew we were heading right into a snowstorm. I left her alone when I knew there was a maniac on the loose. No offense", Kodi said, adding in the last part as an afterthought. When Steele didn't say anything, only frowning at him, Kodi decided to continue.
"And now she's trapped under there, probably waiting for me to come save her, when we're not even close. Yeah, some husband I am. I've only been married to her for a few months, and I've as good as killed her", Kodi groaned, as he handed another piece of debris to one of Bane's wolves. However, Kodi turned his attention back to Steele, when he realized he wasn't the only one groaning and sighing.
"For god's sake, aren't you the one who told me to stop wallowing in self-pity?", the malamute asked rhetorically, though he didn't give Kodi nearly enough to time to reply before he continued.
"So far in the past two days, you've survived a hotel a collapsing, you tried to fight me, a guy who could tear in you half just be looking at you, and right now you're standing here in the middle of a wreck, and you're making that wreck even weaker by taking it apart. And you've done all this just for your wife. So you may be a sorry fighter, but in my book you're a damn good husband", Steele growled fiercely. "A better husband than I could have ever been", the sled dog thought silently, his ears drooping as Jenna's face appeared in his mind.
Though the malamute's words had came out like a snarl, Kodi could still tell they were meant to be encouraging. He had just gotten words of encouragement from Steele, a guy who had never even thanked his own team. "Thank you", he said.
"Don't thank me. I only did it so you'd stop whining", Steele grumbled, though Kodi knew he was lying. He was much too proud to admit the real reason why he said something. After all, Steele had already allowed himself to be embarrassed at least three times that evening for his friends' sake, and the malamute had to hold onto whatever little dignity he had left.
Once Kodi was distracted again, passing out larger and larger pieces of debris to the wolves, Griff tapped Steele on the shoulder. "You never answered Kaltag's question, about why you're talking about your old man so much all of sudden", the husky reminded him.
Steele frowned, and glanced at Kodi, making sure the half-breed wasn't listening in on them (though he couldn't be for sure, wolf-dogs always did have an annoyingly keen ears), before answering. "Because of something the kid told me, before the blizzard struck", the malamute replied.
"Which was?", Griff asked curiously, as he passed another chunk of wood to Steele, who then passed it on to Kirby, and so on and so on.
Steele hesitated, which was actually a good sign. Usually whenever someone asked the malamute about his old life he either growled at them or told them to go away. But the fact he was actually considering telling Griff anything meant he was finally ready to let people into the dark, cloudy mist of secrets that was his past. He just couldn't believe who he was about to tell it to. Why would Griff want to know anything about him? He hated him, didn't it? After all, wasn't it Blake who had always kept trying to 'find the best in him'? Still, if Griff wanted to know more about him, he wasn't going to argue this time. In a weird sort of way, he felt like he owed him answers, considering the wrong he had done his teammate two years ago. Though it felt like a lifetime ago now.
"When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a sled dog. Whenever I told my father about it, he always used to tell me that dogs and wolves were almost nothing alike. Dogs like to help the humans, while wolves want nothing to do with them. But he also said that we did have one thing in common, we both work in packs. Working together as one makes a wolf pack stronger than any lone wolf, and the fact that they always watch out for each other is what helps them to survive. He told me it was the same thing with a dog sled team. Of course, I never believed him. Why would he even think we had anything in common with those dirty, wild savages?", Steele asked rhetorically. "God, I was such a fool", he said to himself under his breath, though he was still talking loud enough for Griff to hear him.
"I grew up, and as you know, I got what I wanted. I got to lead my own team. My whole life, years of fame and glory, was mine for taking. Except, I messed up. I forgot everything he told me. You were right Griff. Everybody was right. Everything you all said about me was true. I stopped seeing Nikki, Kaltag, and Star as my teammates. They were nothing but lackeys to me. Muscle-headed idiots that lived to follow me. By the time the serum run came, I thought they were completely disposable and easily replaceable. So I thought nothing of leaving them in a blizzard to die. Their own leader, turned his back on not just them, but everything and everyone", Steele said, disgusted.
Standing next to him, Griff stared at the malamute sympathetically. He had never really cared about Steele. Why would he? His boss had very nearly ruined his life for him. So why would he feel any kind of sympathy towards someone who had been so willing to humiliate him in front of all his teammates. But now that he looked back on it, him holding a grudge against Steele was rather hypocritical.
After all, Steele had only done what he did to stop him from hurting Blake, the dog who would later become his boyfriend. The dog he shared a kiss with every morning, the one he held to his chest every night to keep his better half warm, the one who always kept him happy and laughing through long sled trips. And none of those things would have happened if he had continued on the way he did. In a way, Steele had actually done him a favor by speeding up his coming out process. Something Blake had realized a long time ago, but Griff was too stubborn to see.
So now, as he watched Steele look back on his past actions, and regret every selfish decision he had ever made, he understood how he must felt. After two years, Blake's empathy had rubbed off on him after all.
"And then that wolf-dog's son came along, with his annoying boy scout ideals", Steele continued, though just like before, it was obvious he was only pretending to be irked.
"He told me that I had always considered myself superior to wolves and wolf-dog hybrids. He actually had the nerve to tell me that in my effort to be better than the savages, I had turned out just as bad as them, maybe even worse. I should have knocked his teeth out when he told me that. But I didn't. Because I knew what he said was true. Just like what you told me was true. But even then, I still didn't want to believe it. It's funny how quickly pride and vanity can turn into denial. At least, until you, being the loud mouth that you are, put in your opinion too", Steele continued, turning his attention back to Griff.
Griff frowned, and thought about turning his attention back to the chain again, until he realized that Steele, in his own obnoxious way, was actually thanking him.
"You said the exact same thing the kid said, except you didn't bother trying to be nice to me or patronize me. You said what everyone else had been too scared to say for years. Nikki, Kaltag, Star, they must have all thought about what you said at least once, but you and that lobo's kid were the only ones brave enough to grow a pair and say it to my face. You said that you'd rather run with a wolf-dog than someone who'd abandon his own team. And it wasn't until then, when everyone was telling me the same thing over and over again, screaming it right in my face, that I finally got it. My dad was right. He had been right all along", the malamute continued, his voice rising.
"That's why I turned down Balto's offer to help me. That's why I lost Jenna, the only girl I ever really loved. That's why my own team left me in a blizzard. That's why I lost my home. And that's why I almost killed a whole town full of innocent children! Because I am, I really am the most stupid, selfish bastard in all of Alaska!", Steele shouted, causing Griff to take a step backwards in shock.
It was at that point that the malamute finally noticed that everyone in chain gang had stopped moving, and now had all their eyes focused on him. He didn't know how long they had been listening, or when he had started screaming, but he was much too upset to care anymore. Once he calmed down, the sled dog sighed, and hung his head down in shame.
"I'm worse than a wolf. I'm so, so much worse. I tried to sacrifice the lives of my team and an entire town, just to spite one person. I lost everything and nearly took everyone down with me. So when I spared Kodi's life, I promised myself I would never let anything like that happen again, starting tonight. If you really must know, I doing all this because I want to listen to my dad for once, and do something good in my life. Even if it means working with a bunch of wolf-dogs. After all, I'm no worse off than they are right now", Steele mumbled, composing his face before he lifted his head again.
"So if you all really want to save Bingo's daughter, then why are you just standing here gawking at me? Get back to work! We don't have a lot of time left until the blizzard subsides and Balto's wild kin has to go back to the forest!", the malamute barked, his voice returning to it's usual authorative tone as he spoke to the entire crowd.
The dogs and wolves, though they still seemed to be taken off guard by Steele's outburst, all complied with the malamute's orders and continued moving wood across the room, as Steele sauntered back to his place in line. When he was tired of feeling Griff's eyes stare at the back of his head, he turned around to face the husky, who was looking at him with a look of absolute pity.
"Steele, I'm sorry I-", Griff began, before Steele raised his paw to stop him.
"Don't apologize. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still have my head shoved under my tail right now. Besides, if anyone should be apologizing, it should be me, for what I did to you all those years ago", Steele said hesitantly. Apologizing never was one of his strong suits. He had just starting doing it that very night, and despite all the progress he had made so far, it still hurt his pride to admit he had been wrong about something.
"Don't apologize about that either. I was an idiot too. When you first me, I was a prejudiced self-righteous jerk just like you were. Getting me to admit my secret was the best thing anyone could have done for me…boss", Griff said, hesitating himself as he added in the last part. He had never called Steele his boss before, not even before the incident, he had always been too jealous of the malamute for taking his old job. Refusing to acknowledge him as his leader had been his own way of spiting the dog. So calling him by his title now, after three years, was the greatest sign of respect Griff could give his rival.
Steele smirked. "I guess tonight you just returned the favor, huh?", he joked, the sled dog's depressed mood lightening almost instantly.
"Kodi forgot something when he was talking about what it meant to be sled dog. Sometimes we have to give each other tough love. And it sucks", Griff added, his grin mirroring his lead dog's.
"Yeah it does. Now come on, let's go save your boyfriend already", Steele said, before lifting his head up above the chain of dogs. "Balto, we've been digging through rubble for an hour and a half now, surely we're close by now!", Steele shouted.
"I think we're almost there, Dusty's scent is getting stronger. We might be close to breaching the final layer", Balto replied, sniffing the next layer wood and glass.
And then Balto froze, and his supersensitive ears opened wide, his skin and his fur stretching to it's limit so his ear drum could have a clear passage to the outside world. He had just heard something that stopped him in his tracks, and put their entire mission on hold. Subconsciously, he was aware that he was now being crowed by at least three other dogs, and who knows how many behind them. But he wasn't ready to turn his head around yet to look at them.
"Balto, what is it?", Jenna asked.
"I thought I heard something…or someone", the wolf-dog replied, as he pressed his ear against one of the planks. When he apparently didn't hear anything, he moved towards another one. He moved down lower, then higher, then left, then right, pretty much in every direction, much to his family's confusion.
"Dad, are you saying you thought you heard…", Kodi was about to ask, right before Balto raised up his paw, a silent sign for his son to keep his voice down for the moment.
"Wolf-dog, what's with all the hold-up?", Steele asked impatiently.
"Shh!", Balto shushed, as he tore away another plank with his paws. He had just figured out where the noise was coming from, and he was honing in it. But he had to make sure he was right. Before he could get anybody's hopes up, he had to know it wasn't exhaustion or the blizzard wind playing tricks with him.
"Did you just shush me? Did you just tell me to shut up?!", Steele asked incredulously, growling at the hybrid.
"Yeah, now please be quiet", Balto replied, unfazed as he focused his attention on the noise in his ears. As the sound grew closer and closer, the hybrid was able to tune out Steele's voice entirely.
Steele scowled, and was about to say something else, when Kodi put his paw on his shoulder to stop him.
Meanwhile, Balto's yellow eyes widened, and the wolf-dog jumped back all of a sudden, laughing heartily. His friends and his allies all stepped back, and gave the wolf-dog room as he jumped into the air. "Balto, what is it?", Bane asked, joining the hybrid and his family.
"I hear it! I really hear it! I hear voices, human voices, right on the other side of this wall! We've made it!", Balto said, watching triumphantly as a dozen screams and cheers erupted from his comrades.
Author's Notes:
Haha, and so we move onto the next pivotal chapter of this story. After waiting over an hour for her rescuers to come save her, Dusty's moment of salvation is almost here. Like Unshippedcorpse mentioned in his review, there have been lots of bits and pieces to this story, so many that I was worried I wouldn't have a chance to focus on Steele's arc before the action starts again. But I was wrong. Putting aside the urgency of the rescue mission for a bit allowed me to delve into Steele's character, and clear up some things that were left unsaid before. Like the title says, this chapter was all about Steele helping out his friends (and former enemies), while coming to terms with the fact he's turned out worse than the things he's always hated. I wouldn't say Steele is suicidal in this chapter, more of that he's willing to take one for the team if he feels he has to.
Imagine spending your whole life hating someone or something, thinking you were superior to them, when in reality you did things that were so much worse than they could have ever imagined. My main inspiration for Steele's revelation comes from the hypocrisy of famous supremacy groups like the Nazis, the Aryans, and the Ku Klux Klan. These three are only a few of many groups in history who have always considered themselves to better than any other race, and have tried to force their ideals onto others through unbelievably cruel acts of hatred. When I imagined what Steele's guilt would feel like, I imagined how a former Klansmen would feel if he realized the horror of what he had done with his life. On a lighter note, there's also a hint of that thing Kaltag had with Steele that was mentioned in chapter 4 (I haven't forgotten about that either).