Very Important AN on the bottom of this chapter…Please read!
Enjoy =)

He would be lying if he said he slept more than two hours the night before. But then again, no one is really asking.

And after today, he doubts that anyone will ever bother to ask again.

He walked out on Kensi yesterday and that has to be considered something unforgivable for the team. Deeks is not sure why he's still in one piece but is better guess is that they don't know what happened yet.

But he's not sorry and that's the scary part.

She had no right to do that to him, to them. He had the right to be the first one to know about her pregnancy but she decided to hide that and, by the time he found out, he also found out there was no longer a baby to be acknowledged.

A part of him knows that Kensi must be a wreck with this but he is not strong enough to comfort her, right now. He's not strong enough to be strong for both of them.

He's having a hard time being strong as it is.

That's why he doesn't even bother showing up for work. Instead, he grabs his surfboard and heads to the beach.

Maybe the waves will calm him down, like they always do.

Maybe it will stop hurting.

Maybe, just maybe, he will come to terms with this horrible thing that happened to them and manage to be there for the woman he loves.

Love…that's another taboo for them. They don't do love.

They are just friends who sleep together almost every night. The part of his brain that is still capable of forming coherent thoughts connects the dots and warns him that might have been the reason why he didn't sleep last night. Maybe it was more than a guilty conscience mixed with sadness- maybe he just can't sleep without her by his side anymore.

And damn it all to hell because not even surfing is enough to calm him down after such thoughts.

Still, he tries.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kensi spends the day cleaning.

It's something she is not used to doing but that feels right today. She cried in her mother's arms for hours the night before, something she's not particularly proud of. After that, she told Julia to leave, that she was alright. It was a lie but Julia knew she needed some time alone and left without arguing.

After a sleepless night, she finds herself actually cleaning her kitchen. Her phone rings many times during the morning but she doesn't pick up. She's not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Hetty knows what happened so she's not the one calling.

If it's either Callen or Sam, they'll ask Hetty what's going on.

If it's her mother, she'll understand she wants to be alone and without being bothered.

If it's Deeks…well, that's the one person she doesn't want to think about.

She let him down. She ruined everything and lost the one person whose loss she couldn't deal with. She knows he's not calling because he's probably still fuming.

She lost their baby and that's probably more than enough to make him hate her.

And the worst part is that Kensi doesn't feel like she can blame him for that. He has the right to hate her for as long as he can.

This was all her fault. And she deserves to deal with the consequences of it alone, without anyone's support.

So she just keeps cleaning, hoping everything will go away but knowing it won't.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After watching Callen and Sam stress about Kensi and Deeks' whereabouts for close to 30 minutes, Hetty finally makes a decision and calls them both to her office. They don't sit, despite her offer, and she gets how nervous they both are. So she starts, without beating around the bush.

"Ms. Blye suffered a miscarriage yesterday, after that punch in the stomach."

Callen and Sam are shocked and it's clear on their faces but Hetty continues, seeing as they are speechless. "Mr. Deeks was the father of the baby."

Callen breaks his silence. "We're not blind, Hetty. We know about Deeks and Kensi. But why didn't she tell us about the pregnancy? We would have been more careful and we wouldn't have allowed her to go to the field."

Hetty sighs. "I'm afraid she didn't know about it either, Mr. Callen. I haven't had the chance to speak to either of them but Julia filled me in this morning."

Sam frowns. "You're friends with Kensi's mother?"

Hetty shakes her head. "I wouldn't call us friends but we talk every now and then. This morning, Julia felt like I needed to know what was going on with my two agents. And I'm glad she told me."

Callen nods and sits on the chair across from Hetty's. "So Deeks is with Kensi?"

She was afraid of that particular question and hesitates before answering but both agents notice that. Callen gets up and she can tell he's angry, now. "Where is he?"

Hetty takes a deep breath. She knows how overprotective Callen can be so she knows she needs to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. "You both need to promise me you won't go see him. You have to promise me you won't do anything."

Sam and Callen seem reluctant but end up nodding. "We promise."

Hetty finally tells them the whole story. "When the doctor told them about the miscarriage, Mr. Deeks said he couldn't handle that and left. Julia told me he hasn't called or said anything to Kensi ever since. I don't know where he is."

She notices Sam frowning and Callen's fists ready to come in contact with Deeks' face. So she reminds them. "You both promised me you wouldn't do a damn thing. I expect you to honor that promise. Now, there's work to be done."

Callen and Sam walk to the bullpen and Callen grabs his phone. A grumpy voice answers on the other end but he couldn't care less about grumpiness right now. "Kensi was pregnant. She had a miscarriage yesterday and Deeks walked out. He's all yours."

And, just like that, some of his anger dissipates.

Who did Callen call? Let's see how many of you can guess. In fact, I'm going to do something special with this chapter. The reader/readers that guess who Callen called will receive a very special surprise (one I'm not going to reveal yet). So, who's willing to try?

I'm sorry it took me this long to update but I just started college and I'm still getting used to the schedules. That means all I want to do when I get home is sleep.
Anyway, I will update as soon as I can and reviews are always a great motivation.
Love,
Sarah