Inappropriate Conduct

By Abby Ebon & Chaos Silk

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A Note from the Authoress'

Did you enjoy the last chapter? I know I did and I know that you'll never in a thousand years guess what's coming next. We have this entire fic planned out folks, so sit back and enjoy, because we certainly aren't giving key plot points away (unlike other people we can name). And because obviously, the evil king knows where the Varden is hiding (and partly because we don't know), we've moved them to an undisclosed location close to the islands.

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Disclaimer: We. Do. Not. Own. Liability falls to those who have the thick skulls who think we do.

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Of all the things Sagum expected to come across while escaping from the hell that was the Varden, having a boy who looked like a girl and a silver monkey falling out of the sky on top of him was probably second or third on his list. For him, a Mage-Priest of the Dark Moon Goddess, the unexpected was expected and the expected was a pleasant surprise.

The dragon was just an unforeseen twist, seeing as how there were only three in the world.

Sagum was soo stabbing his sister in the eye next time he saw her... He knew that somehow she was involved in the boy and monkey landing on his back just as he was making his grand escape, attracting the attention of the non-bribed guards who would be here in a few minutes. But that was because she was always involved whenever something was going wrong with his life. She was evil like that.

"I can't believe he just threw us off the dragon like that." Jaycee grumbled, rubbing his backside. To be fair, Draco had stolen his pants and Jaycee accidentally groped him, then denied making out privileges. And Murtagh was still drunk. "Good thing we landed on something soft." A cough sounded from beneath him and he looked down, meeting familiar teal eyes glaring over a black and silver shoulder. The eyes, combined with the distinctive blonde hair with its dark brunette roots convinced Jaycee that he had accidentally landed on Soahc, one of the priestesses he had met when he first landed in the king's harem.

He jumped back, looking sheepish. Draco had disappeared shortly after landing so poor Sagum only had skinny little Jaycee to worry about. "Sorry bout that, Lady Soahc. Didn't see you there." Sagum's eye twitched as he picked himself up.

"I'm not Soahc." Sagum snapped, though he really couldn't fault the boy for mistaking him for his sister. From behind they looked a lot alike but Soahc was nearly a foot shorter than he and her hair was a couple inches longer, reaching to her back. Jaycee blinked, mouth gaping open as he stared at the male before him.

He was nearly identical to Soahc, only much larger, a good deal taller and much more masculine. The Soahc male-look-alike glared at him, brushing leaves and dirt from his clothes and untangling twigs from his long hair. He dimly registered shouts coming from somewhere in the background, but decided that focusing on the other male was wiser.

He had heard stories of what the priestesses, queens and the single priest had visited upon the harem during their brief visit and only a few of them were pretty, the rest were gory and disturbing beyond all reason.

"Would you quit staring at me?" Sagum snarled, trying to get a stick out of his hair and ending up accidentally poking himself in the eye as five fully armed guards swarmed into the clearing. He wondered what took so long.

"You tried to escape..." The head guard said, pointing his spear at the priest who regarded him with a dismissive look. Sagum shook his head.

"No I was going for a walk through the forest..." He paused, looking at the guards who seemed to believe him. He sighed and shook his head. "Of course I was trying to escape you dumbasses. Were you dropped on your heads or something?"

Jaycee watched, mouth gaping open. He could never imagine talking back to a guard like that, especially these who looked mean... and rather stupid.

"Look, he has an accomplice this time." Someone shouted, a mail-clad finger pointing towards Jaycee. Then the world exploded into shouting and the next thing he knew, he and the male Soahc were being carted off to a camp in manacles.

"First Soahc gets kidnapped by an evil king and then I'm kidnapped by idiots..." Sagum sighed and looked at the stunned pretty boy beside him. "This is all your fault."

"What?!" Jaycee shouted, head whipping around to glare at the priest. "How is it my fault? I don't even know you." Jaycee grumbled, pouting like a girl. The guards, used to Sagum's random antics, ignored this in favor of staring at Jaycee's clothes... You could tell he was a man, it was just odd. Sagum's eye twitched.

"Well if you and your freaky monkey hadn't fell from the sky and landed on me, I would've made my escape and they never would've known I was gone until I had made it to the ruins." Sagum crossed his arms and pouted, looking like a two year old. Jaycee's eyes flashed.

"Well if you hadn't have been standing there, I wouldn't have been captured by the guards again!" Jaycee yelled, throwing his arms up in the air and almost knocking himself out with the chain. Sagum sniffed, looking disdainfully at his opponent.

"What in the hell are you wearing anyways?" Sagum snorted and then glared at the guards who were dragging them along and not paying any attention to them. "And exactly how long does it take to get back to camp?"

"We're not hopelessly lost, we're just..." The guard captain said, looking at the rows and rows of trees with confusion in his eyes.

"Hopelessly lost." One of the younger members supplied a big grin on his face. Sagum recognized him as one of the fifteen who had laughed at his 'turn everyone pink and escape' attempt. It worked for Soahc, so why couldn't it work for him? Jaycee however, had no such experience and so dubbed him 'Octopus-head' because he was wearing what seemed to be a stuffed octopus on his head.

"Look there's Saphira...We can follow her back." Another guard said, Jaycee decided to call her 'Paintbrush' because there was a paintbrush behind her ear.

"What if she's not going back to camp?"

"Then we'll still be lost, but at least next time we'll know what was not to go..."

Sagum sighed; it was going to be a long day.

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TBC

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