Author's Note: No reviews yet but I don't mind because I did get some people following the story! This chapter is also kind of short. Roxas is so out of it that he doesn't notice a lot of what's going on around him and thus his chapter is short. The next chapter is from Axel's point of view and will be muuuccchhh longer. The mood of the story changes in Axel's chapter as well. It makes sense though right since Axel and Roxas see the world in such completely different ways? Anywho, please enjoy and don't forget to review and tell me what you think!

Chapter One: Waiting In the Dark

(Roxas's POV)

Black and gray. Everything in the world seemed black and gray, just a blur of dark color. It pressed on me. It smothered me. I hated living.

I tried my best not to feel. Because when I tried to feel all I ever experienced was mind-blowing pain. Three years after his death I still thought about Sora every day of my miserable existence. I thought of Riku often too. The boy that made my twin happy. One of the two friends I'd ever had (not counting my brother of course). The other friend, Zexion, didn't talk to me anymore. I was pretty sure I scared him away. The way I was after Sora's murder would've scared anyone.

I had run to Riku's house right after seeing Sora's dead body. I had to see someone who could understand my pain. Somebody who would truly miss Sora.

Riku's parents were out of town on business. It had taken me a while to get the story out. I was hysterical. When the words finally fought their way from my throat he had stared at me without a word for a very long time. He'd pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, surprising me. Then he'd calmly stood up, went to the coat closet, pulled out a gun from where it was hidden behind the coats, stuck the barrel in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. I got to watch two people die that night.

Blood. So much blood. Bloody water. A blood splattered room. Empty eyes. Pale skin. All of it smeared with crimson.

The nightmares haunted me still.

I wanted to kill myself too. I wanted to fling myself after Sora and his boyfriend. But I didn't. I just kept thinking about what Sora would want me to do. He wouldn't want me to die. So I didn't. Somehow. Someway. I kept surviving. But life felt so empty. So numb.

Everything was so disconnected. My teachers learned not to ask me for answers in class. My mother discovered that I no longer fought back when she hurt me. My only living friend, Zexion, gave up on trying to get me to talk to him, or to anyone really. Everyone learned to let my existence fade into the background. I existed physically, but inside I was more than broken. I was empty.

Today was just like every other day. I went through all the motions of living without any emotion. I woke up, took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, and drove to school. I went to each class, sat in the very back corner seat, didn't listen to a word that was said, and went on to my next class to do the same. At lunch I sat alone and barely ate a thing. Everything was the same, until last period English class when two new students were introduced. I didn't catch their names. In fact, I probably wouldn't even have noticed them if I hadn't glimpsed one of the boy's flaming red hair out of the corner of my eyes. That, and he was assigned to sit right next to me where he attempted to engage me in conversation. I, of course, ignored him just as completely as I ignored everyone else.

I did glance at him once. He was all blood red and night black with pale smooth skin and flashing green eyes. Black and red. He was almost beautiful in a way. I liked the slight aura of darkness around him. I liked the blackness, though the red made me think once more of clouded bathwater and dead eyes. Pain tore at my chest. I quickly smothered the emotion.

"Hey kid what's your problem?" he asked, leaning over to prod me with his finger.

"That's Roxas," said the girl sitting behind the new red haired guy. "He doesn't talk to anybody."

"Is he mute?" The guy asked.

She shook her head. "He used to talk. Then three years ago his twin brother, Sora, died. I think he fell asleep in the bathtub and drowned or something. After that Roxas just started ignoring everyone. It's really sad. He was really close to his brother."

"God kid, don't you know it's not healthy to bottle all that hurt up inside?" the boy asked me with another poke.

I remained silent.

"I'm Alicia by the way," the girl said, leaning closer to the red head. "And you're Axel right?"

"Ya," he replied shortly.

Axel. So the guy's name was Axel. I don't even know why I'd payed enough attention to find that out. I focused on blanking out my mind like usual. There was no need to listen to my classmates petty conversations. Darkness. Blackness. I let it overwhelm me.

There was nothing.

"Hey kid! Roxas!" It was that guy, Axel. I had barely even realized that class was over and I was walking home. Everything just went on autopilot for me sometimes. "Want a ride?"

I stared at him blankly. A ride. Why not? It's not like I had to talk to the guy. And my house was pretty far away. I mechanically walked over to the black sports car he'd pulled up next to the sidewalk I was walking along and got into the passengers seat. He took off as soon as I was seated.

"Hey, put your seatbelt on," he ordered me with a grin.

I didn't move. I didn't see the point. If we got in a car wreck I would hopefully die. That would be nice. A way to end my misery without killing myself.

Axel shrugged when I didn't do anything. "Your own life kid."

Damn right it was my own life. If I died I wouldn't blame this guy. I'd thank him.

"So where do you live Blondie?" the red headed asked. "I need to know where to take you."

He was smirking. He probably figured this was a way to get me to talk to him. I thought for a moment before reaching for my bag and pulling out my sketch book. I scribbled down a map and drew a trail of where to go. Axel squinted curiously at me out of the corner of his eyes. I thrust the drawing into his lap and put my sketchbook away. He raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything.

It took fifteen minutes to get to my house. Axel continued his attempts to draw me into a conversation several times. In the end he gave up and settled for chatting away at me. I tuned him out, not listening to a single word he said. Like I cared what he had to say.

When he pulled to a stop in front of my house I immediately climbed out and headed inside without looking back or giving any indication of gratitude. I didn't care what Axel made of that. I didn't care what anyone thought, least of all him. With his flaming red that made me think of death. Red blood. Crimson blood. Staining the white walls, dirtying the water. Two different deaths. So much pain.

I gasped, clutching at my chest, and stumbled into my room, kicking off my shoes. My monster of a mother wasn't home. She was rarely home now days.

The pain. I couldn't stop it from surfacing today. It was the red. Blood blood blood. I dug my fingernails into my arms as I collapsed onto my bed. Everything blurred out of focus. Pain. Hurt. Grief so deep it made me scream and claw and the pale underside of my arms until I bled. I hated it.

I felt around on my bedside table for my knife. My fingers gripped the handle weakly and pulled it close. I placed the silver blade near the crook of my elbow and slid it across, watching my skin part easily. Blood instantly spilled over my arm staining it red. I continued to cut down my arm before moving onto the next one.

Hate.

Blood.

Pain.

I hated everything. I hated myself for not being able to save Sora and Riku. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated myself for existing. I hated my mother. I despised her. I loathed her. I wished she were dead. I wished she was burning in Hell. Evil demon bitch. Filthy murdering whore.

I couldn't quite remember why I was still alive. Would Sora really want me to live when living hurt me so much? Wouldn't it be better to put myself out of my misery? My digital clock blurred before my eyes. I'd been lying here suffering for hours. I dragged myself to my feet and staggered back out of my house. It was dark out already. I knew where to go. The bridge, the river. I was so very tired of this pain. I was so tired of standing in the dark, smothering myself with numbness.

I never wanted to stand in this darkness again.

The air was cold and rocks sliced at my feet. My arms continued to bleed from my cutting leaving a trail of blood where I walked. I barely felt any of it. What was some cold or cut feet or mutilated arms compared to this torture in my heart? If only I didn't have a heart. If I could rip it out of me perhaps the pain would stop. Perhaps the emotions would go away. If only I were heartless. A Nobody. The term sounded familiar giving me a brief feeling of deja vu.

I trudged onward. I didn't know how long I walked until I reached the bridge. Time had no meaning. It just ran together in a haze.

I clutched the railing and gazed down at the water rushing below. It was only fitting that I died by drowning. Then I could feel how Sora felt when I failed to save him. I deserved this.

I climbed the railing clumsily until I stood, balanced precariously on it. The breeze whipped my limp blonde spikes into my face. I took a deep breath of air. Finally I was going to do what I should have done the moment I saw Sora dead. Finally I was going to be free of this pain and darkness. I felt a moment of absolute relief as I closed my eyes, relaxed, and fell forward.