~o~
The weather was extremely unpleasant. Gray clouds hung over wet landscape. The cold wind was blowing from the mountains. The roads were muddy and soggy and horses waded through with difficulty.
In their own ways their moods mirrored the weather. They left Redcliff early in the morning, in poor spirits. Last evening Morrigan quarrelled with Leliana, and both of them were grumpy, which meant the witch was snappy toward them all, and Leliana was whining.
Wynne was in bad mood as well; such weather left an ache in her bones, and riding a horse was very uncomfortable in this state.
Oghren had a hangover and kept to himself. Sten was... Sten, accepted all travel conditions with stoic calmness. Alistair was still in a foul temper because of his last conversation with Eamon.
Erendis rode at the front of thecolum group. She was silent, and from his Zevran`s pace in the procession, he saw her frowned brows, and her red-rose lips knitted together. He didn't dare speak to her after their last conversation.
The small golden earning was a heavy weight in his pocket.
"So... not a token of affection, then?" She looked at him with her lovely navy blue eyes, and his heart skipped a beat in his chest.
"I... look, just... just take it." It was hard to name the feelings floating in his soul. There were words that he could not force from his lips. She turned her head from him, looking above the green pine trees far in the distance. She waited for him to say it, to admit...
"It`s meant a lot to me, but so have..." – he hesitated. She glanced at him with such hope and when he struggled to find the words for saying what was on his mind, she bit her lower lip, waiting, expecting...
What was she expecting? Irritation aroused in him. Was he not clear in this matter? He did not believe in... emotions. He did not allow them to rule his life, to make the most of life."...so has what you`ve done. Please, take it."
"I`ll only take it if it means something." Now she was peevish and he heard her temper rising.
His gift was still in his possession. Zevran tried to convince himself that he should not feel so bad because of it. The assassin wanted to forget this incident and move on but the hurt in her eyes had haunted his mind for four days now. Furthermore, Erendis was unusually quiet and restrained when it came to their usual night activities. Moreover, seeing her half-naked body stretched beside him, to feel her savor and not be able to fulfill his hunger was more and more frustrating. Oh yes, she still spend nights in the shelter of his arms, and she continued to allow him to make love to her He wanted to make amends for all the bruises and marks that he had left on her body after that drunken burst of jealousy. Though he was delicate and caring, she seemed to be absent, distant. Zevran discovered in surprise that even though his carnal appetite was sated, there was something missing, something fleeting and imperceptible, that made their previously shared nights exceptional and unique.
He was telling himself that it could not be the effect of that unsuccessful attempt of giving her that damned earring. Zev preferred rather to lie to himself, to explain that living under constant strain, she was just worn. Maybe she had grown bored with them. No, it was impossible.
And what if there was someone else? Did Teagan manage to lead her astray, or Alistair… Zevran glanced at the Warden riding in the distance. Did Alistair comprehend what a fool he had been leaving behind such a woman for a precarious chance of gaining the throne?
Doubts increased in his troubled heart and the assassin discovered that it was hard for him to concentrate on anything else.
So, when darkspawn hidden on both sides of the road flooded party with arrows, he was not where he should be - at her side. A gigantic ogre led the attack, and charged with remarkable speed. Erendis` horse gave a horrifying squeal when the creature`s huge fist tore his side. The dying beast was knocked down, crushing his rider.
Zevran tried furiously to get to her, but there were too many of them, and he was too far away. With some kind of relief he noticed Alistair chopping doggedly into the monster`s muscular neck. If there was someone that would gladly give his life for Erendis, it would be Alistair. In this one case, they both were very similar.
~o~
Wynn very carefully unhooked the straps of Erendis' armor. Her metal breastplate fell to the ground with a quiet thud. The mage raised her hands over the Warden`s chest. From between her fingers, warm golden light extended in falling dust.
Erendis felt delicate shivers when the healing magic started to crawl along her skin, relieving the pain in her chest and sealing broken ribs.
"Better now?" Asked the old woman, as she pulled a small vial of sparkling blue liquid from her bag.
"Much better," said the Warden, taking one deep breath to her lungs.
"And now get your blouse off, there is a nasty gash across your shoulder, it would be better if I looked at it immediately."
Erendis did what was asked, pulling off her bloodstained tunic and slipping her cotton shirt off her shoulders. She could not see the frown on the mage's face when her pale blue eyes gazed upon the dark marks of Zevran`s teeth on her neck. Wynne cleaned the wound on her back and used her magic to knit torn muscles and skin, then her cold fingers gently touched the love markings.
"Do you want me to heal it as well?" she asked.
Erendis froze and then soft sigh left her lips.
"No Wynne I… I want it to stay." She did not know why she didn`t want to get rid of them. Maybe because it was the first and only certificate of Zevran's true affection. He was always so composed, so restrained, with that facade of artificial indifference, and that smirk of his that had little to do with his real smile. It was the first time his mask had slipped from his face and he'd showed her some real feeling, the storm of emotions boiling deep within.
Wynne cautiously applied the healing salve on her white scar that was all that remained of the wound, and put a bandage on it. Then she cast a rejuvenation spell on her patient.
"You love him, don't you?"
Erendis was struck dumb for a moment when she heard that word, one that she had carefully avoided for a long time. "I honestly don't know," she admitted with sadness. "Sometimes… he is so distant…" The Warden started to get dressed, still stirred by the old mage's question. "I know you don't approve… just…" She sighed heavily.
"Don`t tell me that you are bothered by an old woman's opinion, actually I have watched you for a time and… perhaps I was wrong. There seems to be something special between the two of you." The mage started to pack up her potions and salves in her purse.
"Really… sometimes I think I imagine things… " Erendis buckled her breastplate and stood from the log.
"His demeanor changes when he is with you. There is a tenderness to his gaze I`d never seen until now."
~o~
She discreetly observed him the entire evening. His energetic steps when he strolled around the campsite, his slim figure against the darkening sky. He enchanted her with that vibrant golden shine of his hair and deep amber of his eyes. She listened with pleasure to his voice, warm like old brandy. In her head there were still Wynne words, "You cherish every precious moment that you spend together, knowing that it may be the last". Did she cherish every moment? Certainly not. She was hurt, disappointed. When he wanted to gave her this small trinket, she anticipated some kind of faith, even commitment. But still he could not see what there was between them. She felt unheeded and misunderstood. Now, when she thought it over, she came to conclusion that she had overreacted, she shouldn`t push him so hard. Really, nobody knows how it all will end. Death awaited them at every step of the road. Maybe in the future, if they have one, he will find the strength to realize that love is a blessing, not a curse.
She should speak to him, make every moment unforgettable.
A dark shadow eclipsed the golden-red light of fire. She raised her head to see Alistair standing above her. He looked at her with disarming longing in his caring brown eyes. Erendis knew this look of his, and it broke her heart every time. Alistair cleared his throat and turned his gaze in another direction.
"Are you ok?"
She genuinely smiled, his concern was written out on his face.
"Yes, thank you." When she fell from her horse, and a huge ogre`s axe slammed a few inches from her head, Alistair was there to protect her as his shield cut the beast in it throat.
"Eamon wants to see us."
She snuffled with irritation, what did that old goat need from her right now, when she had much enjoyable plans for the evening?
~o~
Of course, she was with him. Zevran tried to remain calm, glancing across the bonfire. She owed her life to him, today it was Alistair who had shielded her. They were good friends. He saw how the former templar took one disobedient strand of Erendis` hair and put it behind her ear. Even from this distance, Zev caught a glimpse of tenderness in the bastard prince`s eyes. He took a deep calming breath. She was free to do whatever she wanted. He turned his back from the view, trying hard not to hear the sweet sounds of her laughter.
He should not behave like the fool, he should not expect more than this, something to enjoy, a pleasant diversion and a little more… "Know your place assassin." In his mind his former master`s harsh words rang like an alarm bell. Zev sat down in the shadows, resting his back against the trunk of a gigantic oak. He took his dagger out from a hidden pocket at the leg of his boot, and started to sharpen the narrow blade with fluid, slow moves.
It was not long before his elven ears caught the sound of her footsteps. She approached him, unsteadily putting her carefully placed feet in the darkness, between the tree`s roots and stones.
" Zev?" She wasn`t able to see him, hidden in the darkness and he decided not to move right away.
"Are you there?" She stopped two steps from the trunk, looking around. He heard her quiet sigh.
"I`m here, Warden." His voice much steadier than he thought it could be.
"Care to join me in my tent?" Her tone was casual, like she wanted to invite him for tea. Oh yes, she regarded it as something natural, normal, to spend the night with the assassin, to live it up, to forget about her problems, to put him out of the way when she will not need him anymore. Anger sprung up from nowhere, and set his soul on fire. He will not be usedw he was a free man and had the right to refuse.
"No, I… no. I mean no offense, I simply… no." He hated himself for this mumbling. Who was she to cause such a distraction?
"Is something wrong?" She took another step in direction of his voice, and Zevran knew she stood before the oak`s trunk, he could catch her movement when her outstretched hand leaned against the scabrous bark.
"I do not wish to talk about it." He said with irritation, maybe a bit too sharply. She sucked in air and stood there in awkward silence.
"Then I`ll leave you alone"
She stepped back from the darkness under the trees, not wanting to show how disturbed she was. Once again, he'd hurt her with his display of his coldness. Alistair could have been right, she should focus on other things, it was no time for philandering. They were not some kind of romantic characters from old books. She could not forget about her first task, her paramount duty. After, she will think about it after…
Once again must thank Jaden Anderson. Without you publishing it would be inpossible.
You can find the cover of this story here. inveleth. /art/Deep-Within-334274117 (just remove space)