Author's Note:
First off, THANK YOU sooooo much to my reviewers! When I saw those reviews it made me so happy! Thanks to Nexir, The Crows eye, RelieveTheGreat, and especially to mewmew who's review made me squeal with happiness because she got from this story exactly what I was trying to go for! You all made my day!

I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I seem to have a hard time making Roxas' chapters very long. Hopefully I'll eventually get better at making his chapters longer. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Chapter 3: Everything's A Mess

(Roxas's POV)

I opened my eyes to the sterile whiteness of a hospital room. I stared blankly at the ceiling for a moment. I'd been so close. So close to escape. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to smother the rush of despair with numbness. That damn redheaded bastard had ruined everything.

Color burst behind my eyelids forming memories. The blackness of the sky broken by the glow of the moon. The cold silver metal of the bridge railing. The still, murky surface of the river below. Then the bright red hair clashing against the darkness of my surroundings and brilliant green eyes that almost seemed to glow, peering down at me as I realized that I'd failed.

I opened my eyes again with a groan. I felt anger, pain, and misery boiling in my veins. I was having difficulty smothering them when before it had been so easy. Perhaps when I'd just let go of all my walls right before I thought I was going to die I'd done something. I'd damaged my ability to properly numb myself of feeling. God damn it all.

My arms and feet were heavily bandaged and my head felt heavy. Why was I still alive? I should have fallen. I should have died.

I wanted to see my brother again.

The nurse walked into the room just in time to see me weakly attempting to rip the bandages from my arms. I just wanted to bleed. I had failed. I was so worthless I couldn't even succeed at ridding the world of my waste of life. These emotions I'd kept suppressed for so long were overwhelming me with their intensity. Why was I alive? WHY AM I ALIVE?

The nurse was speaking now. Her tone was distressed. Her face was upset. I couldn't understand the words. Everything was muffled. My vision blurred. I wanted to scream. I needed to see Sora. Where was my brother? Where was Sora?

"Sora!" The name burst from my lips without my permission. The first time I'd spoken in so long. My voice sounded so pathetic and lost. I sounded just how I felt in that moment, utterly broken.

A flash of red caught my eye and I paused, surprised to see Axel standing in the doorway watching me. His stunning green eyes were so very sad. Why did he save me? Why was I alive? I just wanted to see Sora.

The lanky boy was next to my bed now. He was speaking to me. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to loathe him for taking away my chance to be with Sora again. But his voice was so kind and he seemed kind of lonely. I looked back up at the ceiling. The nurse re-wrapped my bandages. Her fingers were gentle.

Everything was a mess.

"Roxas? Did you hear me?" I realized vaguely that Axel was still speaking to me. I sighed a little and turned my eyes to him.

"I met your mom. She seemed really worried. She didn't want you to end up in a mental hospital so we came up with a story together that wouldn't make it look like you were attempting suicide..." he trailed off when he caught sight of the horrified expression on my face. "What?"

Of course my mom would make up a story. That's what she was good at. I was accident prone. I'd been mugged. A bully had beaten me up at school. I fell down the stairs. I'd been in a hit-and-run accident. I knocked a pot of boiling water on myself. I'd been running with scissors and tripped.

There were so many stories. So many excuses. My mother knew how to come off as a desperately worried mom. She was an incredible actress. Nobody had ever questioned her lies. Not even when she'd murdered my brother. So I couldn't blame Axel for believing that she was sane. For believing that she was worried about me.

"Roxas!" I flinched violently at the sound of my mother's voice. The redheaded boy sitting by my bed watched my reaction looking increasingly confused and worry. "I was so worried sweetheart. What were you thinking?"

I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't want to see her face. I tuned her out, concentrating instead on the sound of Axel's breathing and the slight sounds he made every time he shifted in his chair.

"They said I could take you home now. You just need to be careful not to rip your stitches open..." I couldn't quite block out all of my mother's false worry. "Axel would you be a dear and help me get him to the car?"

"Of course Ms. Black."

A warm hand slipped behind me, propping me up. I opened my eyes and watched Axel as he helped me get out of bed. Why was he helping me? I didn't understand. Why did he seem to care so much? He noticed me watching and smiled reassuringly. I just stared.

When Axel's warm hands left me at our car I felt a chill race through my body. I hated it. I wished the damn red head would stay out of my life. I wished he'd let me die.

I climbed into the car mechanically and listened to the muffled sounds of my mother thanking my classmate before getting into the drivers seat. The ride home was silent. I could feel the waves of crazy fury coming from the woman behind the steering wheel. I just knew that as soon as we got home she'd explode.

I was right.

"What were you thinking you little shit?! Do you know how it would look for me if you killed yourself. You only think about yourself. Don't you even care after all I've done for you? You're ungrateful and pathetic!"

I began to withdraw into myself, knowing that after the screaming always came the pain. It was something that I've done since I was little. Whenever my mother was hurting me I just hid my mind in another, happier place until she was finished. It helped me get through it. Otherwise I wasn't sure I'd be able to endure her beatings and remain sane.

I was on a small island in another world. I stood on a sandy beach in nothing but my swim trunks, stretching and soaking up the sun. Sora was in the water with Riku. He laughed and splashed some water at his boyfriend. My brother looked so completely happy.

I could feel the sting of my mother's nails digging into my shoulder hard enough to draw blood as she shook my and continued screaming. I tried harder to block reality out.

Riku dove, tackling Sora into the ocean. They were both laughing now and soaking wet. Sora looked up just then and saw me watching. With a grin he sloshed through the water towards me and flung a soaking arm around my neck. "Come on Roxas! The water's so fun!"

The pain in my arms almost drew me out of my pretend world. I was vaguely aware that my bandages were gone now and I could feel warm blood sliding down my arms and dripping from my fingertips.

The sun blazed hot and the water did look tempting. I chuckled and gave my brother a playful nudge. "Alright Sora, if you insist."

"Yay!" Sora cried ecstatically. He ran ahead of me kicking up water as he went. Riku watched us both with a smile. Everyone was so happy.

A little while later I finally let myself drift back to reality so that I could asses the damage. I was still in the front room. I was sprawled out on the hard floor. My mother was nowhere in sight much to my relief. I looked down at myself. Several of the cuts on my arms were reopened. My stomach hurt like hell and when I tugged up my t-shirt I saw that it was discolored with bruises. Not bad at all. I could handle some bruises and some bleeding. At least she hadn't broken any bones this time.

I managed to drag myself to my feet, using the couch for support. I clutched my stomach with a wince but managed to make it to my room before collapsing on my bed. I missed my brother more than ever today. I just wanted to see Sora again. That's all I wanted.

My mind flickered briefly to Axel again. I desperately wanted to ask him why he'd bothered with saving my life and keeping me from the happy release of death. I wasn't sure how I'd do this. I hadn't talked in years aside from crying out Sora's name in the hospital. However, maybe it was time to break out of this zombie state I'd been in since my brother was killed just long enough to confront this boy before I found a gun and made sure my next try at dying didn't fail.

Tomorrow, I decided, I would find Axel and sate my curiosity. Then, tomorrow I would finally be with Sora again.