I first met Bowser at age 12, while riding my Yoshisaur out across the Wasteland of Shadows.

Spooky place. Arid cracked soil, dead trees, tall black rocks that looked like monsters. Here and there you'd see scary things carved into the rocks, sculptures, arcane symbols and writing. The wind passed through the cliffs with a ghostly moan. Occasionally it would kick up and throw dust on my white jumpsuit.

Actual monsters roved among all these things, skeleton creatures, creeping fungus on legs, ghosts and reptiles. The reptiles didn't scare me. I rode a reptile and it served me quite well, oftentimes devouring pests with its long frog-like tongue. As for the other things, although chilling, they only served to pique my interest in the barren land.

A humanoid mushroom creature rode up beside me on a pink Yoshi. Pale white, a spotty naturally growing cap sprouting from the top of his head. The wind puffed out his little vest and genie pants as he rode. The king of Mushroom Land had assigned him as my bodyguard and aide.

I wrinkled my nose. Even from this distance, he smelled of mildew. Luckily, I'd been born with few allergies, maybe a little hayfever and dust, but flowers and mold didn't bother me.

"Your highness, I hope you do not find it disrespectful when I say that we have seen enough of this dreadful place."

My green mount grunted in agreement, but I just gave him a consoling pat on his scaly head. "C'mon, Toad! Where's your sense of adventure? No one has ever explored this territory before! Don't you want something interesting to tell the others when you return?"

Toad gulped. "I think I have more than enough to tell."

I rolled my eyes and took out the map I'd been working on, adding a new section. "One more day and we'll be leaving this place. I promise."

"That's what you said yesterday."

Getting red in the face, I cleared my throat and said, "Well, yes, I suppose I did, but this time I mean it. I just want to see what's beyond this ridge—What is that?"

It looked like the type of dragon you'd see in picture books, but cuter. No wings, a spiky turtle shell growing out of his back.

Injured, one leg twisted in a painful direction. I sucked in my breath, riding closer.

"That's a Koopa, your highness. We Mushroom Folk have no dealings with them."

"I think we'll have to change that!" I cried, jumping off my Yoshi to examine the victim.

The Koopa trembled as I approached. "Stay away from me! I may look injured, but I'll make you wish you never tangled with me!" He breathed out a rather uninspiring puff of flame.

I suppressed a giggle. "Oh my! You're very frightening, Mister..."

"Bowser!" he growled. "The name is Bowser!"

I gave him a kindly smile. "My name is Peach. I want to help you." With that, I reached for his leg.

"I don't need your help!" Bowser roared.

Toad tapped me on the shoulder. "You heard what he said. He doesn't need our help."

"I don't think he means it." I reached into Yoshi's saddlebag, taking out my Girl Scout manual. "I think there's something in here about sprains and broken legs..."

"If you're going to kill me, just do it and be done with it," Bowser whimpered. "At least then my leg won't hurt so bad."

I studied the book for a moment, then pressed my hand to his twisted leg. Odd shape and swelling, just like it said below the illustration.

"Ow! What are you doing?"

"I admit I've never touched something like you before, so I don't know for a fact it's broken, but..." I touched his other leg. "Okay, yeah. Your leg is definitely broken."

Bowser ground his pointy teeth together. "No! You think?"

"N-no need to get nasty, Mister Bowser," Toad scolded. "She's trying to help!"

"I don't need help from a pipe squeak like you."

I only rolled my eyes and consulted the book. "Bowser, this is going to hurt a little, but I'm going to fix your leg...Well, try to, anyway."

The dragon creature's eyes bulged in horror. "Try to? Either fix my leg or leave me alone!"

I reddened. "Okay, okay! I'll fix your leg! I promise!"

Toad frowned at me. "Princess, you shouldn't—"

"Zip it!" I hissed, bringing an axe and gauze out of the saddlebag.

Bowser flinched at the sight of my glinting blade until I used it to make splints. The sounds he made while I set his leg...not terror inspiring at all.

Toad crossed his arms, staring disapprovingly.

The Koopa's eyes welled with tears. "Why...help...me?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I like you, that's all."

Teardrops rolled down Bowser's face. He smiled a little, tail thumping the dirt in apparent joy. "I...like you too."

Toad leaned on his Yoshi, the expression on his face indicating he couldn't believe what he just witnessed. "Your highness...what did you intend to do with this injured creature?"

"Ummm..." So maybe I hadn't thought that far ahead. "How about we take him to the Royal Healer?"

"Your highness, forgive me for saying so, but this is madness! Even if they allowed this creature through the city gates, the healer wouldn't know the first thing about treating a Koopa!"

"Can he heal a broken leg?"

"Well (ahem) yes, your highness, but..."

"Could he heal my leg if I broke mine?"

"Well, yes, your highness...but..."

I clapped my hands together. "Let's go, then!"

"But your highness! How? How will we move him such a great distance?"

We managed to help Bowser up on his feet enough to throw his stomach over my Yoshi's saddle. The Yoshi protested at first, but I calmed him down.

Toad thought it improper for me to do so much hiking on foot, but I'm not your traditional sort of princess. I enjoyed the exercise and the opportunity for conversation.

As I hiked, I told Bowser everything worth knowing about me: How mom left me with my abusive dad, how I ran away from home and fell through a magic pipe to this strange magical land, and a bunch of mushroom people took me in as their princess.

It turns out Bowser could relate. Although it took hiking and talking to him for a few miles, he opened up to me: He came from a family of grouchy, mean spirited Koopas who got drunk and beat him whenever he looked at them funny. He'd been playing around the cliffs that day, and accidentally slipped.

"If they could see me now, they'd say `Look at you, big strong Koopa, getting babied by a mushroom princess!"

"You're not going to get big and strong with a broken leg, Bowser."

It got dark...well, darker n those already shadowy lands. Ghosts and skeletons came out in greater abundance, so we set up camp for the night.

Toad gathered wood, which I turned into a bonfire with a magic flower. We dined on roasted mushrooms and vegetables. Bowser leaned against a boulder and rested.

Toad, like many Mushroom Folk, supplemented his meal with little nutrient rich clods of dirt mixed with decaying matter. As Bowser watched him eat, he cast me this look that silently asked, `Does he always do that?'

I raised my eyebrows, implying `Yes, and I also find it disgusting.' We shared a chuckle.

By firelight I showed Bowser a book from the royal library about constellations of this world, and he in turn told me about the scary monuments, the behavior of the skeleton creatures, ghosts and other monsters Mushroom Folk know very little about. The whole time, Toad just silently stared at me, like I'd become some kind of...unrecognizable mutant.

The look intensified when I calmly rested my head on Bowser's shoulder. He had an unique reptilian musk, reminding me of alligator exhibits at the zoo.

When Toad shook me awake, Bowser had his arm around me, I'd settled into a cozy spot on his chest, and he'd been drooling into my hair.

Toad's surprised expression from the night before now turned to disgust, especially when I didn't bother to wipe the slobber from my hair. He didn't even try to hide it. "The sun is up, your highness. We should go."

I gave Bowser an apologetic look as he stirred from his slumber. "You think you can stand?"

He shifted against the boulder, wincing as his injured leg moved.

We got him on the saddle again.

A few miles later, we arrived at the farm country surrounding the Mushroom Kingdom. The whole place fairly smelled of roasted mushrooms and something mildewy. I think if you had an allergy, you'd die.

Mushroom Folk stared at us as we brought Bowser up the road. Nobody looked particularly happy. They stopped farming their vegetables, whispered to each other and pointed. Toad gave them a look that said, `I'm just the Mushroom Retainer here. Don't ask me.'

I ran up to a farmer with a cart full of haybales, pulled by Yoshisaurus. "Excuse me, sir. Can I trouble you for a ride?"

Toad cleared his throat, but then acted like he hadn't.

The farmer froze, eyes bugging out when he noticed my crown. "Y-yes, your highness. I most humbly submit my cart to your service. I must apologize, though, it is not your royal coach. If you'd like, I..."

"No, this will do fine. I have a friend who needs a doctor. I was hoping..."

The farmer hadn't noticed my companion. He'd been facing the other way before I caught up to him.

Now that he did, he seemed ready to drive away, princess or no princess. "But your highness, that is a Koopa!"

"I know what he is. And he's a very nice Koopa. So if you don't mind..."

He reluctantly allowed us to help Bowser into the cart. I sneezed as he stirred the hay.

Off we rode into Mushroom City.

Yeah, I know, inspired title.

We hadn't gone more than a few miles when a mob of citizens rushed out, armed with weapons (or weapon-ish things like farm implements and brooms), blocking our path.

Moments later, the whole palace guard came rushing out of the citadel to meet us.

Bowser shot me a helpless look.

"Your highness," Toad whispered. "If I may be so bold, I think it wasn't such a good idea to bring Bowser here...But, of course, that is just my personal opinion!"