AN: Again, sorry about the wait. But school is just insane. I know, excuses, excuses. But anyway, Chapter 7! You know what to do. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own words.

His hands landed firmly on her hips, and his breath grew hotter every second.

And she felt like she was choking, she felt like she was drowning, she felt like there was a goddamn elephant sitting on her chest and she couldn't breathe. She knew why. She did. She damn well didn't want to admit it though. Something that has been haunting her dreams for the last 13 going on 14 years, was now happening. She didn't know how she even had the ability to think, let alone panic. But she was, she has having a mother fucking panic attack. Because you know, there's no better time than when your partner for 12 years, the man you've had these ridiculous unexplained feelings for, for over a decade of your life, is practically jumping your freaking bones right here in his living room.

She knew they had to stop. Because eventually she was going to run out of built up oxygen, and that would surely be an awkward encounter that they really couldn't afford.

Pushing slightly on his chest, where her hands had just landed seconds before when she felt her throat start to close, she broke her lips from his and took a step back.

He could tell though. He could tell that she wasn't just out of air, and in desperate need of supply, but that something was wrong. Very wrong. She could see it in his eyes, everything he was felling. Panic, worry, dread, disappointment. She knew he could see she was flipping, and so she waited for his first words. Because at this point, she was doing good to breathe.

But he didn't speak. He just sat her down on his couch, and pushed slightly on her upper back, causing her to hunch just enough that she managed to get her head slightly between her legs, and she could at least start to regain her breath again.

God, he knew her too well. Almost 2 years apart, and he still knew exactly what to do when she went all spastic on him.

"I'm sorry." He says, barely seconds later. Once he sees that she's at least breathing again, even if just a little bit.

"You've been saying that a lot."

"I can't say it enough."

"The hell you sorry for this time?" she asked, as she caught wind of a shorter breath this time, and choked slightly, even though she knew.

"I know better. I know you. It was too much, and it was all my fault. I'm a moron."

"You know, you really gotta stop calling yourself names. It's not scoring you any brownie points." She said. The smallest, minute smile appearing on her lips, just to disappear not even seconds later.

"I know. I know you hate that. But you know I'm just screwed up enough to believe that it might actually fix something."

"Yeah well, think again." At this point, she had managed to sit up almost straight, but her arms were still wrapped protectively around her midsection.

"I don't know what to do, Liv. Tell me what to do." He pleaded, turning his head to face her.

She turned her head to him for the first time since she sat down, and studied his face. Not for too long, but for just long enough.

"I don't know Elliot. I don't fucking know. I don't know where we go from here. But we gotta go somewhere, cause this is killing me El."

Turning her head away, but she saw that, she certainly didn't miss it. A small smirk spread across his face, only for a second, when she dropped his nickname. Dropped it for the first time since she got here.

She wanted to smile back, she really did. But right about now, she had lost all ability to do anything but stare. Stare straight in front of her at his not even on TV.

"I wanna have an explanation. Or, at least a good one that's even worthy of being told to you. But I don't. I've got this piss poor piece of crap that does nothing but highlight how shitty I was to you."

"Give it to me anyway, El. I'll take just about anything thing right now. I feel like I've lost the closest thing I ever had, and probably will ever have to family, and I just need to know why." She told him.

"I wasn't strong enough." He said. "I wasn't strong enough to say goodbye. The moment I would have seen the hurt and disappointment in your eyes, or heard it in your voice, I would have turned right back around, and gave up everything I decided. Because you're the one thing Liv. The one thing that can make me stay. I'll always come for you. Always. Nothing would ever change that, but staying... Staying would have been worse than leaving. I was caught though Liv, caught in the middle of this never ending circle. I knew I had to go, and I knew you deserved a goodbye more than anything, but I knew I if I said goodbye, if I even left you a frickin message, I would have chickened out. The thought of losing you was enough, but actually seeing it become a reality, and being close enough to stop it, would have sent me over the edge. I left Liv, I left 2 days after it happened. I went to this stupid little dingy hotel in Connecticut, and I hid out. I drove back to fucking New York just to hand in my damn papers, and then I left again. This time further though, Virginia. Stayed with a Marine buddy. But it sucked. It really sucked, Liv. You have no idea how much I missed you. Day in and day out. But I didn't feel like I was even worthy of being your partner anymore, hell I never felt like I was worthy of being your partner, but I thought maybe, just maybe God was rewarding me for something good I did along the way. But I knew Liv, you were better off without me then. I was such a mess, It wasn't fair to make you clean it up, again. I felt like I failed you. And all I could do was wrong. There was just no good left in me."

"But that's the thing Elliot" she said, "You left, for me. You left because you knew you'd do nothing but hurt me here. You left to spare me even more despair, even more devastation when I couldn't fix you. That's good Elliot, that's good."

"You're a better man than you seem to think you are anymore." She said after seconds passed.

"I'm better because you're here, Olivia. Because I'm sitting next to you. Otherwise, I'm a poor excuse of a man. But with you here Liv, I feel like I could take on the world. How do you think I fought this goddamn city, and all these goddamn sick bastards without losing my sanity for 12 years? So many times, before you, I felt like I could just walk out and quit. Even before SVU. But of course, I couldn't. I had no choice but to stay. But when you came along, I felt like I was choosing to stay because I wanted to, not because I had 4 kids and a wife at home. You anchored me, Liv."

"I'm an Aunt." She says.

"What?" Startled, the best way she could describe him at the moment.

"I'm an Aunt. Simon, he has a little girl. Well, and a step son too, but a little girl. He named her after me. Olivia. Olivia Marsden."

"She look like you?"

"Kinda. She's just so gorgeous though, these adorable brown, bouncy curls."

"Occupational hazard Liv. She looks like you; she's bound to be gorgeous with those adorable brown, bouncy curls."

"Flattery will get you nowhere my friend." She says, a smile spreading across her face.

They both laughed at that one. And it feels good, it feels good to laugh. It feels good to laugh together.