Chapter 12: Josh's POV

I wake up in bed next to Cat. I look over at the clock; it's only 3am. I lay there and just watch her sleep for a few minutes. How could someone so perfect love me but not herself? As I stared at her, I got an idea for a song. I jump out of bed and grab a piece of paper and a pen from the desk. I move to sit back on the bed. The lyrics just seemed to fly onto the paper. I finish the song just as the sun is coming up. As much as I don't want to, I know I have to leave. I write Cat a note and kiss her forehead before I turn and climb out the window. I walk home and change. I wave to my mom on my way out and I head to school. I sit by Cat and I's usual spot and wait for her to get here. When I see her I stand up and pull her in for a kiss not even bothering to say anything.

"Well good morning to you too," she giggles.

"Sorry I left before you woke up. After what you said about your mom yesterday I knew she wouldn't be too happy if she found me in your bed this morning."

"I understand but you should have woke me up," she pouts.

"You're too beautiful when you're sleeping. I couldn't wake you up," I explain and then to mess with her I add. "Besides I think you needed your rest after yesterday."

She smirks suggestively at me, "Don't worry, next time you'll be the one needing the rest." I growl and pull her in for another kiss. I'm in the middle of exploring her mouth when the school bell rings. I break the kiss and rest my forehead against hers.

"Ready for another day of hell?" I ask.

"Not at all, let's go." I laugh at her answer and grab her hand as we walk into school. I notice people staring at us more than usual and I groan internally. I can already tell this is going to be a bad day. I kiss Cat goodbye and walk to my class. My morning passes by pretty uneventfully. I finish up the notes for my song and I decide that I'm going to sing it to Cat during lunch. When the lunch bell rings I rush to the band room excited to play Cat her song. I'm tuning my guitar when I hear the door open and her walk in.

"I have a surprise for you," I tell her without turning around.

"Is that so?" a nasally voice replies. I whip my head around and realize it's not Cat; it's Haley. I glare at her.

"What's wrong Joshy?" she pouts, "Not happy to see me?"

"Not really, I thought you were someone else," I tell her.

"Oh yes, your little girlfriend. You know, you could do so much better. A strong man like you deserves a real woman, not some little depressed girl," Haley says walking closer to me.

"Will you just leave?!" I snap. "I told you I'm waiting for someone."

"But Joshy," she whines. "Why wait for her when you can have me?" she says placing her hand on my arm and leaning closer. Before I realize what she's doing, I feel Haley press her lips to mine. I push her away; beyond angry at the bitch. But as soon as I pull away I hear a gasp from the doorway. I look up just in time to see Cat turn and run out of the room with tears streaming down her face.

I try to run after her but Haely grabs my arm trying to stop me.

"Damnit!" I yell, "Let go of me bitch!"

I rip my arm out of her grasp and run down the hall after Cat. I run out of the school, knowing she wouldn't still be there. I run to her house panicking the entire way. Cat's so fragile already, what if this breaks her. Please don't do anything stupid I plead with her in my head. I get to her house and open the door with the spare key under the mat. I go upstairs to look for her. I walk into her room hoping she's there. Her room is a disaster; it looks like clothes were torn out of her dresser and thrown across the room. I'm getting really scared now. I see her bathroom door is closed and try to open it but it's locked.

"Cat, please open the door," I plead. I get no response.

"Cat!" I yell. "Open the damn door!" I still hear nothing. Screw it I think as I kick in the door. The image I see before me will forever haunt me. Cat is lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, both wrists are slit.

"No!" I cry. I wrap her in my arms as I dial 911.

"I need help! My girlfriend, she's bleeding! Please please help me," I sob into the phone. The operator tells me that an ambulance is one the way. I hang up and hug Cat close to me sobbing.

"Please live, Cat," I beg, "I love you so much. You mean everything to me, please don't leave me." It feels like years until the ambulance arrives and I'm still sobbing when it does.

"Please," I beg the paramedic, "Please save her."

"We'll try our best," is all he says before he walks away. I ride in the ambulance with Cat, I can't leave her now. I'm told to sit in the waiting room while the doctors try to save her. I sit in the chair, tears still streaming down my face, but my mind blank. A few hours later a doctor walks out.

"Did you come in with Catherine Millitello?" he asks

"Yes, is she okay?" I blurt out.

"We don't know yet. We did everything we could, but she lost quite a lot of blood."

"What do you mean you don't know?" I snap, "Is she going to make it?!"

"I told you, we aren't sure. Do you want to come back and sit with her?" he asks. I nod and follow him down the hall and into a room. Cat is lying on the bed. Her skin is usually pale, but now it's almost a ghostly pale.

"There are some other things I'd like to talk about. I noticed some things that may have a negative impact on her chances of survival," the doctor tells me.

"Okay?" I answer confused.

"It appears that Ms. Millitello has been dealing with self-harming behavior for a while now. Were you aware of this?" he asks me.

"Yes," I answer honestly. "I was trying to help her. Is that all?"

"I'm afraid not, she is also extremely malnourished. It appears that she has also been suffering from Anorexia Nervosa."

I let out a straggled sob and burry my head in my heads. How did I not notice this? How did I not know that the girl who means more than anything to me was starving herself?

"I take it you were not aware of this?" the doctor asks.

"No," I choke out, "I had no idea."

"We have a feeding tube installed for now to rebuild her nutrients, but between the blood loss and the starvation, her chances aren't very good."

I feel my heart tear apart at his words. "Can you leave me alone with her for now?" I ask him.

"Of course son, I hope she wakes up." He pulls the door shut behind him and I let my

tears fall freely. I hold Cat's hand gently and just cry, letting out all of my pain. Once I'm out of tears, I realize that there's something I need to do.

"Cat," I say out loud, "I love you so much. I wrote this for you this morning when I was lying in bed next to you and I was going to sing it for you. But now-," I break off crying, "—now I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to do this." I start to sing to her softly, letting all my love pour into my singing.

You thought by now
You'd have it figured out
You can't erase the way it pulls
When seasons change
It hurts sometimes
To find where you begin
You are perfect porcelain

The slow and simple melody
Of tears you cannot keep from me
It's alright if you don't know what you need
I'm right here when
You need someone to see
It's not speak
Or forever hold your peace
It's alright to take time
And find where you've been
You are perfect porcelain

The slow and simple melody
Of tears you cannot keep from me
It's alright if you don't know what you need

Oh, when your heart releases,
You won't fall to pieces
You'll let those old diseases lie
Oh, and your heart releases,
You won't fall to pieces
And your breath comes crashing in
Like perfect porcelain

The slow and simple melody
Of tears you cannot keep from me
It's alright if you don't know what you need

"I love you Cat," I tell her again kissing her softly.