Chapter 4: Book of Revelations

I walked into the church saying to myself "Holy shit, do I really think god would allow bloodshed on holy ground? Besides, I am carrying "holey" guns." I saw Kabuto as he walked up towards me "Can I help you?" he asked me as I slammed a fist in his face then he spat blood. "I have come to do the bidding of Lord Orochimaru, he has asked me to kill you." I secretly hit the call button and the Masako were on their way within five minutes. "Orochimaru sent you to kill me, you're just as naive as I was when I worked with him." I picked up a bible and turned to the book of Revelations "1:18, I am he who lived and was dead..." Kabuto Finished it by saying "...And behold I am alive forevermore. Revelations 1:18."

I popped a chakra sealer into Kabuto's side, he tried healing it but he couldn't. "You are one dumb fucking bastard. Those are chakra sealers that I just put in you." Kabuto and I heard the sirens of the Masako unit. "Orochimaru called in the Masako?" I shook my head as I said, "Orochimaru didn't send the Masako, I did." Kabuto ran out and used his "Chakra Scalpel" technique on all the members of the Masako. I looked on in disbelief as he killed of the first wave of Masako members. Orochimaru shows up with a smirk on his face. "I don't think that Kabuto has long before his Chakra has depleted from his system." He said to me as I waited for the right opportunity to strike like a rattlesnake stalking a wounded mouse. Luckily for me, the Masako backed off and now it was my chance to kill Kabuto and put an end to his little escapade of his. I checked the clip, it still has bullets which is a good thing. "I'm really upset that I have to drag you any farther Kabuto." I said as I readied my pistol for the final act of Kabuto's life. "What are you talking about? Lord Orochimaru will betray you as he did me!" Kabuto told me before I raised it and had one shot aiming for his forehead but I had to make it clean, so I used a suppressor. Orochimaru walked up behind me and said, "That's not quite true now Kabuto, Roman and I have been needing to take out a few subordinates and you popped up on our hit list. Roman, you can kill him now." I smirked and said to Kabuto, "Rest In Peace, Kabuto Yakushi." I shot a silent bullet into Kabuto's head and he died. After he died, I crossed his arms and put two coins over each of his eyes. Later another set of Crime Scene Investigators and the Commissioner arrived to examine what happened. "Does anyone have any Identification on who the victim is?" the commissioner asks the investigators. One of them replies, "Yes Sir, The man here is Kabuto Yakushi. He works or used to work for a man named Orochimaru." Fugaku crossed his arms across his chest and started to think. Later, I sat on the couch and started to just slip out of reality, meaning: "I'm in my own little world." But I was really recollecting the past. One memory I had was when I was with Jiraiya and he told me about the three ninja prohibitions. He told me when he saw me drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey "Roman, do you always have to live that lifestyle? Booze, Women, and Money? that's a ninja three Prohibitions." I simply said to him, "I'm sorry Lord Jiraiya but, The three prohibitions don't mean dick to me. What you call prohibitions are actually motivations. Booze or alcohol gives a guy his edge, women provide sex appeal, and money buys it all. and to top it all off, I'm not a not a ninja, I'm a mafia member." or the time when I was fourteen and Kiba and Naruto told me about a Hentai or anime pornography site they were on and it got to me when I checked it out, it led to the talk about the birds and the bees between Hinata and I. Hinata told me once, "Why don't you tell me everything you found out from that site you were on? And I'll see if I can fill in the blanks." So I told her everything I saw and learned then, thirty seconds later, She has a pen and a pad of paper jotting down notes. That's twenty nine minutes and thirty seconds faster than Bill Engvall and his son's time of thirty minutes when they had their conversation. So Hinata and I covered all that I told her but in topics. We started off simple, from using a condom and being safe, to finding a woman's g spot and doing Kama Sutra. Of course, I couldn't pronounce Kama Sutra, I called it "Ca-ma Su-Ta-ra."

Luckily Hinata gave me the proper pronunciation of the word. Then I noticed that some idiot crashed into my uncle's '69 GTO. Luckily I had it insured. I ran outside to see the damage, "Damn! My uncle would be spinning in his grave if he saw this." I said to myself. So I called a nearby auto shop that specializes in fixing and restoring even painting muscle cars. Lucky for me, that shop has protection with the Sinner Mafia. I called them and used my camera to take a snapshot of the damage that was done. Five minutes later, a tow truck arrives and hauls the car to the shop. Then I received a text message from aunt Mikoto reading "I'll be discharged from the hospital tomorrow, hope to see you then."

I texted her, "Uncle's car has been rear ended, need a few days to get it back." After I typed the message, I sent it to her phone. "Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to get my aunt from the hospital without a car? I'm being ass fucked here!" I said angrily. Then out of nowhere, Kakashi Hatake appears. "Having a bad day are we?" Kakashi asks with a straight face. I simply replied, "Pardon my French, But I've had my late uncle's car nailed by another fucking car, my aunt's going to be discharged from the hospital, and I have no means of fucking transportation! I feel like an ass fucked bitch." I then walked up to a wall and pounded my head against it until it bled. "Sounds like you're having a bad day." Kakashi says trying to relinquish the fact of my day being so bad. I pulled out a carton of cigarettes pulled one out and lit one. "Great, Now what do I do for the next few days?" I asked myself as I took another drag from the cancer stick. "Maybe, you should think about quitting smoking." Kakashi suggested but, I wasn't interested in quitting anything. "It was a rhetorical question, and you didn't have to answer." I said unhappily and yet a little unenthused.

I put the cigarette to my lips and took another drag, then I released a puff of smoke. The fact that I lost three people and that they're not coming back drove me not only to drink but to smoke. Then I received another text message from my aunt Mikoto, it read, "What happened? Are you all right?" I replied, "Yes I am, and a car crashed into it. I think my uncle will be spinning in his grave if he saw his car smashed." I sent her the message then Kakashi looked at me. "What made you start smoking anyway?" I simply said, "Let's see...my uncle, Jeff Rideout was murdered. Then my fiance Ino Yamanaka was killed. And finally my best friend and comrade Naruto Uzumaki suffered a deadly blow all by the same person, Sauske Uchiha." Kakashi sighed and just looked at me like a deer in the headlights. I then snuffed out the last bit of my cigarette and put it into an ash can. I noticed as I looked up, a long pink haired woman was standing in front of me. And to my surprise, it was Sakura. "Enjoying yourself lately?" Sakura asks with a straight face. "No, I just slipped through the seventh circle of hell, sat on Satan's lap and I took up a serious amount of drug abuse." I said unenthused and unhappily. In my mind, I was thinking of funny thoughts. Like watching a really funny anime like Fooly Cooly or Fruits Basket.

I just let out a bit of a good laugh. Kakashi looked at me and asked, "Are you all right?" I looked at him and said, "If I'm talking to myself in different accents with a room full of people, would that be considered normal?" I asked, Kakashi had a bit of a blank look like it was his poker face. He said to me, "I'll get back to you on that one, Roman." Sakura looks at her sensei and says, "I just don't know about Roman. What were you and Roman talking about?" I picked up a stick shaped like a dowsing rod and used it just like you would a dowsing rod and tried to find a water supply. Kakashi said to Sakura, "I think someone is on the crazy express." He was referring to me and the dowsing rod. I sat down for a few minutes again. Sakura's inner ego shouted, "What the hell does he think he's doing?!" She then puts her hands on top of my head, I innocently said to her, "Hey Sakura, just to warn you...I have no brain cells in my skull." It felt like she was doing some type of mind reading thing. I told her my skull was empty and full of "smut" or pornographic material.

I remember from watching "1,000 Ways To Die" and a certain porno addict working at a tire company blew himself up with a Mac truck tire while looking at a porn magazine. The narrator said after the guy died, "Porno is bad for you, It'll rot your brain." whenever somebody says they're brains out looking for mine, I simply say this, "Good luck trying to get it back, it'll take forever in a day to find mine." When I remembered the time Naruto told me that line, "What are you talking about? My brain is out looking for yours." I gave him the same line I just said. I sat there and said out loud to myself, " I think it would be best if I visited my friends and family member in the cemetery."

First, I stopped by a flower shop and bought three roses for two special friends and a family member who passed away. The first grave I visited was my uncle, He was first to be killed by the Uchiha. I placed a single rose on his tombstone. Second was my fiance and soon to be mother Ino Yamanaka. She had her throat slit and our unborn child died too. I placed another rose upon her tombstone. Finally, my good friend and comrade in arms Naruto Uzumaki. He was killed by a single goon sent by Sauske Uchiha. "Naruto, If you can hear me from up there. I want you to know, I miss you like I miss Ino and my uncle." I then placed a rose on his tombstone, did the "peace out" signal, and left the cemetery. A few hours later, I dug a six foot deep ditch and lied in it. My arms were crossed over my chest as a sign that I was still alive. People usually know when I'm in a hole six feet under with no dirt over me, they usually know that I didn't dig my own grave...I'm just gathering my thoughts or I'm just thinking. Then out of nowhere a man's voice broke out saying, "Roman, What are you doing in a hole? Did you dig your own grave, and expect someone to shoot you then bury you?"