Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Did god hate me?
"Its okay, its okay, its just a theory." Alice rubbed my back, as we sat on my bed, every possible thought before gone, my mind only repeating my latest discovery.
I might be pregnant
I might be pregnant
I might be pregnant
"Ughh!" I sobbed violently into my hand, my bracelet stabbing my palm.
"I shouldn't have said anything." Alice said to herself, I could only imagine her regretful features, but I was too ashamed to look up from my hands, it felt as if I was beaten with the shame stick.
"No." I mumbled through my sobs, trying to feel a bit of relief just a bit, but nothing came. I felt tense, I felt weak, I felt broken. The coldness all over my body, decided to stay, no warmth, not even Alice's little arms wrapped around me made me feel the slightest warmth. I was ice cold, and frozen into tears. I remembered watching in movies, people trying to get pregnant, trying to build a family, and I never thought about those things, never once did I stop and picture my yellow painted house with a white picket fence, little Bella Marie's running around giggling, calling me mother. Mother, I cringed at the word, it made my stomach drop, and my eyes squeeze shut in horror. What was I going to do , what in heaven earth am I going to do with a baby?
"Alice." I sobbed some more, hoping to get it all out, but I could only tell there was more to come.
"Bella its okay, your probably just sick, I'm sorry I brought it up." Alice tried to soothe me, and for the first time in the 30 minutes I had been crying I lifted my head up from my hands to stare into her dark blue eyes.
"No." I cried.
"Bella." Alice frowned, her eyes so sad, and gloomy, it only made me want to cry more, I felt her arms squeeze me gently, and the rain outside get louder. I felt my heart beating heavy in my chest, the worlds weight on my shoulders, and the sadness leaking from my eyes. I felt cold, and hollow, nice and shallow, like the 3ft section in a pool. Even thought Alice's arms kept their hold around me nice and tight, I felt as if they weren't even there, like I was alone, here in my room, alone forever. I knew there was nothing Mary Alice could say or do to fix my mistakes, my stupid mistakes, but her trying was appreciated. My sobbing calmed, into soft tears, and my head rested on Alice's chest, both of us staring out at the rain, that came falling from the dark gray sky. I played with my fingers, and Alice played with locks of my hair. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say, I was screwed. I felt my whole world ending right before my eyes.
"I stopped by the store with Tommy to get you some tests." Alice whispered.
"Tommy knows?" My voice was emotionless, its like I was dead.
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind, he-"
"Where are the tests?" I interrupted her, my hand went to my stomach absentmindedly, and I almost flinched when my skin touched my own skin. I was still here, even though I felt so far away.
"Right there." I could feel her arm had moved to point at something but I didn't even look to where she was pointing.
"Hand me one." I said, and she did. The little white box looked evil and tears swelled up in my eyes threatening to spill, threatening to show my weakness, I pushed the box away, mumbling 'never mind, never mind.'
"Okay." Alice said quietly, putting the box out of my view.
"Don't let this happen to me." I whispered and tears flowed down my cheek quietly, I pushed my head further into Alice's chest and I turned my self so I could grip her shirt for dear life, I felt as if I let go I would die. I gripped it and my tears came faster, but still calm.
"I wont let anything happen to you Bella." She kissed my forehead and held onto me, not caring a bit that I was ruining her shirt.
"Alice." I cried into her chest, and she rubbed my back softly. My best friend, was here, and as I reminded myself that, I didn't feel so alone.
I woke up the next morning, hoping that it was all a dream, a horrible, horrible nightmare, but the white box sitting on my night stand, that I should have hid, told me it really happened, and I might really have a child growing inside of me. Worst of it, it was Edward Masen's child. Edward Masen, just thinking his name, I have a perfect picture of his green eyes staring at me, with all that lust, with all his beauty hovering over me, thrusting into me, making me scream for more. I saw it just thinking his name. I don't know much about Edward Masen but sometime during 3rd grade, he called me pretty, but I think he just wanted some gold fish, it would be just like him to do something like that. He grew up in Forks just like I did myself, and I remember him being beautiful since kinder garden. He was new to our town when he entered kinder garden, so of course he was the center of attention. Like he still is now. Still I know nothing about him, but that his moms name is Elizabeth and she works at the garden shop and that his dads name is Edward and he is a lawyer.
I turned on my side, and one single tear rolled down my cheek. And now I might be pregnant with their sons baby.
"Oh no." I groaned softly and put my head in my pillow, and grabbed the white box from my night stand, dragging it over to my side. I pulled my head out of the pillow to look at the rectangle shaped box, and it made me sick to my stomach. Not today, I thought to myself and somehow managed to toss it under my bed, while still laying in bed. I didn't want to know for sure if I was pregnant while I walked the halls at school today, while I tried to avoid, Edward Masen. I rolled out of bed and got ready for school.
And guess what?
I threw up again. I held my stomach and blew chunks into the toilet. I know, beautiful.
When I was done, I brushed my teethe, a billion and one times, before going downstairs to have a piece of toast. The stairs seemed ridiculously loud this morning, as I jogged down them, I was afraid my mom or dad might be home still sleeping, and looking them straight in eyes was the last thing on my To Do List. I strode into the kitchen, and saw a white piece of paper on the kitchen table.
Dear teenage daughter,
I am going to work, so don't think I got kidnapped by monkey ninjas, because I didn't give them the rest of last night's dinner, which was very good don't you think? Any who, talked to Alice's mom, and I have come to the conclusion that, THE BRANDON FAMILY IS OUTRAGEOUSLY INSANE. So you think about that while you walk to school, with a lunatic by the name of Alice by your side. Tell her I said hi and send her my love btw. (She's my favorite lunatic of the family.) Don't ask to keep her as a pet.
Love,
Your very sane and amazing mother.
I sighed in relief, when I realized she was at work, and not about to walk down the stairs, and say
'Good morning dahling.'
And then I would blurt
'I think I'm pregnant' and burst out the door. Not caring that it was still pouring rain.
I grabbed a piece of paper and pen, and wrote back.
Mom,
You had me worried there, thank you for telling me you are at work. Brandon family are our friends remember? (Alice is my favorite lunatic too.) I have some dirty clothes that are in need of a good washing. Don't fall into the washer please.
Love,
Bella. The sad excuse for a teenager.
"Are you going to tell him?" Alice whispered to me, as we approached the school, our feet only moving oh so slow, and the rain had come to just a drizzle.
"No are you kidding me!" I asked incredulously.
"Its Edward's child too, he has the right to know." Alice said, and I turned to glare at her.
"Edward has no right to know nothing" I said thru my teethe and Alice looked apologetic. I played with the charms of my bracelet as we walking in the middle of the street, I watched my feet move, because it was distracting. I use to count my steps as a child, a I was a little OCD. That's probably why I was sobbing so hard when I hit the dirty concrete, when Tommy Jackson pushed me down. I wish I was little again, and none of this would even be possible to happen. I wouldn't have to worry, if I was small, I could simply play in the rain with Mary Alice, then get in trouble and scolded by Mrs. Brandon and my mom.
"You cant just go out there and do stuff like that Bella!" I remember my mom yelled at me.
"Renee your being a little harsh." Mrs. Brandon, whispered to my mother, and Alice and I giggled.
"No I'm not." My mom rolled her eyes.
"Next time, wear your boots. I'm a little hurt you didn't invite me, little Alice." Mrs. Brandon, squeezed Alice's hand.
"Their wont be a next time Katherine!" My mom yelled at Mrs. Brandon.
"Please do not raise your voice in front of the children." Mrs. Brandon pointed at us.
All I cant fully and completely remember about that day, was me being ridiculously happy, even though I was in trouble. And now stuck in my sticky situation, I long to feel the happiness bubble in my stomach again, to not feel the need to grip the dangling charms on my bracelet for dear life, to feel like everything is going to be okay. This was all Edward's fault and suddenly I felt angry, no more than angry, I was furious.
"Don't talk to him, don't say his name, don't even think about him." I hissed, as I started walking faster, into the parking lot.
"He's not worth my thoughts nor yours." I rushed away from Alice, only to find the nearest restroom, so I could cry. Crying in front of everyone in this crowded parking lot would be my next biggest mistake. I jogged my way into the school buildings, and people of course whispered my name as I ran by. My name didn't belong in their mouths. I was so close to the bathroom, I was going to allow myself, just a few tears as I entered the little room, when boom, right when my jogging becomes walking and one warm little tears runs down my cheek, Edward Masen is staring at me, his green eyes sparkling with curiosity as he approached me and I stopped walking all together. I told myself not to, I told myself to be strong, but I couldn't stay strong as I stared into his eyes, as I lost all my thoughts. One tear after the other went down my cheek, and that cold feeling took over my body again, making it impossible for me to move my feet or to even look away from Edward. He looked beautiful, and I hated it, I hated it, and it made more tears fall from my eyes as he got closer and closer. My heart was beating fast and the hand that was gripping the tiny charms on my bracelet slipped off due to the cold sweat. Why do I keep running into him? What the hell.
"Are you okay Bella?" His smooth voice sent chills down my spine but I stayed frozen staring into his green eyes.
"No." I spat, surprising myself.
"What wrong?" He got closer and touched my arm softly.
"Don't touch me." I said threw my teethe.
"I was just trying to help?" Edward removed his hand from my arm immediately.
"Bella!" I heard my voice being called and from the corner of my eye Alice appeared at my side, staring at Edward. Her little features glowing with worry, and she gripped my arms softly.
"Lets go Bella." She said quietly. I didn't move, I glared at Edward and he glared back.
I'm carrying your child, I'm carrying your child
I just might be carrying your child.
Your fucking child Edward!
I screamed over and over again in my head. When a little blonde skipped to his side, Alice was now glaring, probably because she was just as small as her.
"Hey babe what's going on." She wrapped her arm around Edward's waste and looked at me then back at Edward. I instantly hated her.
"Nothing." He glared at me and wrapped his arm around her.
Dear Miss Swan
We are very disappointed in you, you don't seem to know the emotions of a teenager very well.
What is this? It seems you have skipped ahead of yourself and might be pregnant? We would like to let you know the strange hate you feel towards the little blonde, is jealousy. You shouldn't be too surprised.
EMOTIONAL HYGIENE SOCIETY
"Nothing! You call me being-" I was cut off by Alice's loud chirpy voice.
"Being nothing Bella, I said lets go!" She said louder and pulled me into the girls restroom, while my eyes got ripped away from Edward's strong stare , and the blonde stood completely oblivious to what was going on. Had I almost told him? Had I almost ruined everything right there and then? Yes I had.
A/N: I would like to thank all my reviewers oh so much! its really encouraging and im sooo glad you all like it :] And so i go on to tell you i am having my doubts about this chapter, and i would love for you to continue giving me your opinion :] THANKS GUYSS.