Chapter 10: Strip show shootout

The next day, I got out of bed without disturbing my aunt, put on my silk robe and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. I went downstairs, poured a cup of coffee, and went outside to smoke. Kiba then joins me, "You know, smoking kills right?" I took another drag off the cigarette, and took a sip of coffee. "These damn drugs won't kill me yet. Instead, I'd rather die with a bullet in my skull. So what can I do for you?" Kiba leaned in and handed me a picture of one of Madara Uchiha's contacts. "I had to bribe a showgirl at the 'Live Girl' porno place. She says he comes in every other day.

He doesn't come in tonight, but tomorrow night, we'll strike." I pushed my glasses up and said, "What time does he usually arrive?" Kiba replied "The showgirl I bribed said he arrives at 8:00" I knew this was a golden opportunity to get Madara's blood boiling. The next night, Kiba and I snuck in undetected and met the showgirl Kiba bribed for the information. "Where does this guy usually whack off in?" The Showgirl pointed to the first booth where I put my ear next to the glass and heard the door close. "He's here?" Kiba asked, I nodded and said, "Get ready, curtain's going up." Kiba and I pointed our guns at the first window, "How do we want to do this?" Kiba asked, I smiled and said, "We do our version. Then if any scumbag shows up, we do 'The Boondock Saints'" When Kiba and I were kids, we'd watch 'The Boondock Saints' then we took a blood pact making us "Blood Brothers" we always wanted to be vigilantes and protect the innocent like the MacManus Brothers Connor and Murphy.

The moment of truth came, The shutter rose and our target was on the other side. Kiba and I used Irish accents as we both said, "From the dust you are created, and into the dust you shall return. Lies, Murder, and Deception will lead you straight down hells path, and there you will burn." We shot our target wasting no shots. Then we scored luck of the Irish, two more lowlifes that needed to be wasted, Kiba and I got back to back. "Hey Roman, Boondock Saints?" I smiled and said, "Yeah Kiba, Boondock Saints." Kiba and I remember the prayer by heart. "And shepherds we shall be, For thee my lord for thee, Power descended forth from thy hand, our feet my swiftly carry out thy commands, so we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be, In Nomeni Parti, Et Fili, Spiritus Santi." And just like "The Boondock Saints," we wasted two more lowlifes before they could pull their pants down. (A/N I do not own that prayer)

We quickly and effectively picked up the shells that were lying on the ground. Then we put coins over each of the targets eyes we had killed. Then we met an old friend of mine, John Murdock. He took us away from the crime scene. We pulled over, John starts crying for some odd crazy reason. I tried to make conversation, "Anybody hungry? There a pancake house over there." Kiba snapped, "Quiet Roman! Can't you see that John's cryin'?!" I snorted and laughed then Kiba laughed, "It's not funny guys, My parents got divorced and my dad's doing stuff to me." John said angrily, "What kind of stuff does he do to you?" I asked out of curiosity. "Just joking. My dad didn't doesn't molest me and my parents never got divorced. I was just acting. Now you guys hungry? Let's go get something to eat."

We got out of the car, went into the pancake house, and got our stuff ordered. "So what's going on in the weird world of Roman Rideout?" John asked, I laughed and said, "Besides trying to find the answer to the meaning of life, I'd say not much." Kiba says, "This guy goes on a lot of anime binges." John laughs and says, "Yeah, It's like drugs to him, But it's his anti-drug. Isn't that right?" I said as I raised my hand, "Guilty as mother crunching sinned." I couldn't say "Fuck" because people might kids and kids aren't supposed to say swear words. John looks at me and asks, "What makes you addicted to anime and hentai?" I waved hand across my throat and hissed, "Ixnay on the entaihay. When I was seven, I didn't have many friends and my step dad was physically abusing me. I turned to anime as a way to get away from this world and made that as my own reality. And I picture myself talking to anime characters. Then by the time I was sixteen, I started reading p-o-r-n. Then I took my interest with anime and my obsession of nude women A.K.A. p-o-r-n and combined them." John starts laughing and Kiba looks at me funny. "How'd you get your hands on a porno magazine?" I snickered and said, "When I was at my maternal grandmother's house, I found a Busty and a Playboy. And don't forget the time you show me that little site that led me to having the talk with Hinata."

Kiba asked, "You had the talk with Hinata?" He didn't know that Hiashi Hyuga is my godfather. "You don't know do you?" John asked, "Know what?" I smiled and said, "Hinata's father, Hiashi Hyuga is my godfather." Kiba replies, "Oh yeah, Every summer you go to the Hyuga residence. You seemed happy when you go over there." I said, "I was, and they treated me as if I was one of their own." The waitress comes over with our food and hands it to us one by one. "If there's anything you need, just let me know." She walks to another table and cleans it off. "Anyways, when Hinata and I had the talk, she had a pen and a pad of paper jotting down notes. And we covered it in topics." John stopped eating and swallows a mouthful of food. "What was the reason for having the talk with her?"

I answered John's question by saying, "This is from her, she says that there are two worlds. The world that knows everything and the world that's still naive meet, It's a very hilarious combination." Kiba asks, "What makes it Hilarious?" I snickered and said, "When Hinata told me that I had to use a condom for intercourse, I had to tell her what a condom was." A few minutes pass by and the conversation came to an end and we ate all our food. We tipped the waitress, paid the tab and went on our way. Our work came up on the six 'o clock news. Aunt Mikoto was watching it and says, "Who would do such a thing?" I shrugged my shoulders and let out an "I don't know. Maybe somebody who wanted to straighten out the crooked." Then Fugaku showed up as the news reporter asked him the questions about the crime, Then Aunt Mikoto started screaming at the television, "You should've done a better job in putting more men there!"

I had to calm her down, I got up, put my hands on her shoulders, and said, "Auntie, Chillax. I know you hate Fugaku but he's trying to do his job." She calmed way down to her normal state. "I'm sorry, I really just hate him. Your uncle was the one I loved and I'd still love him after death. Now I have you as a reminder of him. Even though you're his nephew." She hugged me and I hugged then I kissed her head. A while later, I went to the cemetery where I visited Naruto's grave. I placed a rose on top of his grave, "Hey Naruto, listen...if you were still around, I would be asking for your guidance." Little did I know, I was under a very heavy genjutsu. I thought I saw Naruto right behind me, "Roman, did you miss me?" Naruto asked, I turned around and hugged him but it turns out it was an imposter and Naruto was really dead. The Naruto imposter stabs me with a kunai and drop to the ground unconscious. The real me was in a comatose state while the other me was in a very dark place. The real Naruto was calling for me. "Hey Roman! Wake Up!" When I awoke, I was pissed off and grabbed Naruto by the neck and made a fist. "You better not be another imposter you son of a bitch!" Naruto took my arm and removed it from his neck. "Roman, what has gotten into you? Can't you tell that I'm your friend?" I lowered my fist and said, "I'm sorry, There was an imposter who somehow stabbed me and now I'm dead." I lift my shirt and saw no stab wound and no blood. "Actually you're comatose and we needed to talk." I sat on a log as a campfire flickered as we started the conversation. "Where's Ino? I haven't seen her." Then a figure of a blonde haired girl that has the same resemblance as Ino. And it turns out it was Ino. "It's been a long time since we last saw each other." She said as I went up to her and kissed her. "I got into this predicament because someone put some type of genjutsu on me and now I'm comatose and here with you guys. How's our son?" "He's fine, he really misses you." says Ino as she sits right next to me. "Sometimes I usually think in another life, I would be the one who died." I said as I had a tear trickle down my face.

Ino brushed it away, "Roman, don't say things like that. We'll be here waiting for you when you die." said Ino as she put her hand on my lap. Then she rested her head on my chest and I put my arm around her shoulder comforting her. "So how's my wife? Did you do it with her?" Naruto asked, "Sakura and I? Fuck no! I'd rather suffer a catastration than have sex with her. You know what she'd say, (Imitating Sakura) 'Cha! I need my personal space!' I kid you not, she'll say that." I said Naruto just had a weird look on his face. "Do you really think she'll say that?" Naruto asked, "Possibly, But nothing compares to the time we did Dumb and Dumber where I was Lloyd and you were Harry." I came back on his little citation. I felt a heaving sensation in my ribcage as if someone's dragging me somewhere. As soon as I got up the heaving on my ribcage stopped. "What's wrong Roman?" asked Ino, "I thought I felt something in my chest as if someone's giving me the Heimlich maneuver." I said as I sat down, "Maybe somebody found you and are trying to revive you."

Naruto suggested, My beard started to itch so I scratched it. "I'm comatose, not choking to death. Why would somebody give me the Heimlich maneuver?" Naruto shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know? What happened to you after we died?" I sighed and said, "After you died, I hunted down Sauske and killed him. Now if I ever come back, It's Madara's turn to die. It's not my choice to kill these people, fate leads me to seek punishment for you guys. I didn't want you, Ino or my uncle to die in vain. If you all died in vain, what would be my calling?" I looked up at Naruto and he handed me a necklace with a pendant of the Sinner Mafia crest. "Your uncle gave this to Ino and Ino gave it to me to give to you." I held out my right hand, he puts the pendant in my hand. I then took the necklace and put it around my neck. Just then a bright light surrounded me and I was brought back to consciousness. I had the same pendant I had when I was comatose. Sakura had used her medical abilities to bring me back. I was lying on the living room couch when I awoke. "Good to see you're awake, somebody wants to talk to you." Sakura says as I got up and off the couch. To my surprise, it was Lady Tsunade. "Somebody just put a bullet in my skull already." I said unenthused, "What kind of greeting is that?" Tsunade asked me. "Oh I'm sorry, Hello Lady Tsunade. It's really nice to see you. Can I offer you anything?" I said sarcastically. "No thank you, I'm all set. Anyway, Where's Naruto?"

Tsunade asked, Sakura told Tsunade, "Milady, Naruto's dead." I pulled out a pack of Marlboros plus a lighter and said, "If you'll excuse me, I need to smoke." Out on the balcony, I met up with Tsunade's assistant, Shizune. "Since when did you take up smoking?" Shizune asked. I replied, "Shortly after my uncle Jeff Rideout died." Shizune pulled up a seat and sat across from me. I lit the cigarette and smoked it. "Did you hear? Madara Uchiha has raised your bounty." I replied, "Oh yeah, How much?" Shizune surprisingly says "$150,000,000 American currency." I let a whistle out as that was a lot of money. I took another drag off the cigarette. "How long you guys planning on staying here?" Shizune had an answer for that question. "We're going to move here. Lady Tsunade wants to keep an eye on you and Sakura." I laughed and said, "Well I hate to break it to you princess, But I'm 27 years old. Do you really think I need a fucking chaperone, like you or Tsunade to keep an eye on me?" Sakura steps out, "Roman, Language." I replied, "Pardon my French." Shizune was a bit neutral for my saying, "I think that is just your opinion. If you need help, Just see Tsunade." I smoked some more and snuffed out the cigarette.