Author's Note: Wow, this story is now over 100,000 words! I had to start a new Word Document cause Microsoft Word does not show a word count for over 100,000 words. I can't believe I've written that much. I just want to thank all of you who leave the amazing reviews that you do, because it's all of you that keep me inspired and let me know when I've made a mistake or what exactly needs to happen. I love hearing all of your thoughts, although I'm sad I have so many of you scared. Just hang tight for me.
So many of you have a very strong opinion about Giuseppe. I've talked about him with a lot of you who left reviews. I know he's a very intense man. I plan to give him some layers throughout the story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I'm just enjoying writing this story more and more. Can't wait to read your reviews!
Chapter 15
This could be one of those memories
We want to hold onto, cling to
One we can't forget
"I got pregnant." At Elena's whispered words she saw a look of confusion flood Sarah's face and a look of recognition then understanding pass over Beverly's.
"I remember," she quietly said.
"Remember what?" Sarah questioned.
Beverly looked at her friend and then back to Elena, eyes wide. "I'd forgotten about that."
"Not surprising. Damon's dad likes to keep a pretty tight control on things." When Giuseppe had found out she was pregnant, he'd begun treating everything like a PR campaign. He wanted to be known for his business capabilities, not what went on in his personal life. He saw Damon's impending fatherhood as a direct reflection upon him. And Elena, he'd seen her as the worst thing that could ever happen to his son.
From the moment he met her, he didn't like her, and that was long before she ever broke his son's heart. He loathed her now, a fact he made very clear to her each and every time he saw her. It had taken her a long time to realize it, and Damon still probably had no idea, but his father loved him. If anyone thought his treatment was bad because he simply disliked him or her, they should try being hated by him. She could say that Damon had come by his ruthlessness honestly.
Beverly nodded in understanding. "He is pretty harsh."
"Okay, I think most of New York City knows that Giuseppe is anything but warm and kind. Can we please move back to the pregnancy thing?" Sarah nearly pleaded. "Is that why everything went wrong?"
"Surprisingly, no." In the grand scheme of things, the pregnancy never hurt them. It was the decisions they made because of the pregnancy that haunted her. "Everything went from zero to 60 the second I saw that positive pregnancy test. It all happened so fast. One day, we were just having fun, then suddenly we were dating and he was asking me to move in with him. I had a hard time trusting that everything wasn't about the baby." She sighed and shook her head. "I should have just listened to him."
Bonnie, Caroline, and Elena were huddled in the back corner of Elena's favorite bookstore, a pile of books spilled out in front of them. Bonnie tossed What to Expect When You're Expecting onto the floor, a disgusted cringe on her face. "I'm never having children," she groaned.
"So much positivity, Bonnie. I'm overwhelmed here," Elena deadpanned as she picked up another pregnancy book from the pile Caroline had collected.
It had been four days since the disastrous dinner with Damon's father. After that night, he hadn't wanted to talk about his father at all. She could see him slowly unraveling inside, but he wouldn't say anything. His father had become a topic that was completely off limits. Not that he'd ever really been an optional topic before. She tried letting him know that she didn't blame him and that his father's opinion wasn't changing anything, but he shut her down every time.
"You've got that look again," Caroline spoke up. "I'm telling you, the more you obsess about Giuseppe, the worse it's going to be."
"Easy for you to say, he loves you."
"He's confused by me. Throwing that man off of his game is enough to give him a grudging appreciation of you. Your problem is that you're too nice."
"So, because I'm a nice girl, that makes me trash?"
Caroline closed the book on her lap with a quiet thud and set it down beside her stretched out legs. "Okay, to understand why Giuseppe treated you the way he did, you need to understand him." She sighed and took a moment to collect her thoughts. "In the most twisted way possible, Damon is his pride and joy. He couldn't keep their mom alive, so he became obsessed with control, especially controlling Damon. He's planning on turning over his entire life to Damon, so the women he brings home get scrutinized far more than I did. Stefan always had things easier, and while he was rude to most of his girlfriends, it was never on the level that he acted toward women that Damon dated. Not to mention, he's still mad about the divorce, so you showing up pregnant happened at the worst possible time."
"It wasn't exactly perfect timing for me either," she mumbled.
"Giuseppe doesn't know that. Believe it or not, he doesn't want Damon to get hurt or for someone to take advantage of him. That's what he thinks happened with his marriage. He thinks Katherine took advantage of Damon and he hates that, but it also all gets lost in the fact that he thinks Damon allows it."
"Why can't he just see that he somehow managed to raise an amazing son? Damon isn't weak and he doesn't just allow things to happen. He didn't let Katherine take advantage of him; their marriage fell apart."
"Giuseppe doesn't really see the details of things. He's very black and white."
"It's just," Elena halted and looked out the large windows that spanned the front of the bookstore before looking back at Caroline and Bonnie. "His reaction really upset Damon. I think he just wanted his father to be excited that he was going to have a grandchild."
Caroline squeezed Elena's hand. "Just give him time. He'll come around once the baby is born."
"You think so?"
"It's a baby!" Caroline exclaimed happily. "Everyone loves babies. And how can you not with their chubby little cheeks, those adorable rolls of fat on their thighs, and then that heavenly scent of pure babiness? When they do that little sigh in their sleep, and wrap those tiny little fingers around just one of yours, you just can't hate a baby. It's impossible."
Bonnie and Elena glanced at each other and then back at Caroline. "Something you want to share with us here?"
Caroline's eyes widened comically. "What? No! I am not pregnant, and I am not getting pregnant. That is all on you, at least for the next few years. Stefan and I are just enjoying the rehearsals – many rehearsals, but definitely not trying for anything."
"You know, seeing as Giuseppe actually likes you, getting pregnant might take some of the heat off of Damon and me," she hedged carefully.
"Yes, let me just run that over with my husband. I can imagine the conversation now. Hey babe, how about we get pregnant so Elena won't feel so ganged up on. I believe his reply would be something along the lines of I want a divorce. Yeah, no thank you."
Elena shrugged her shoulders unapologetically. "Worth a shot."
"I think Damon taking a shot was what got you into this mess." She immediately tried to move out of the way of the flying book coming at her from Elena. "Just kidding."
The girls fell into a bout of laughter for several long moments until they received a pointed look from an employee. They quickly sobered and returned their attention back to the books they'd gathered. Elena was currently reading about what to expect week-by-week in her pregnancy and from what she gathered, the first trimester was basically going to suck. However, her libido was supposed to kick into high gear in her second trimester. That was a pregnancy symptom she could get behind. As of now, it was looking to be one of the only positive things coming from this pregnancy.
She was trying to get on board with everything and stay calm, but she still couldn't shake the thoughts that she was not ready for this. There were so many things she needed to do first, but she couldn't imagine any option other than keeping the child. One of the books had said that it would become more real when she heard the heartbeat for the first time. Maybe once she had tangible proof that there was a real, live person growing inside of her she would feel differently.
Thinking along the same lines of doctor's appointments, Caroline looked up from her book and questioned, "So, when are you going to the doctor?"
"Next week. They like you to be somewhere around eight weeks for your first appointment."
"So, you're seven weeks along?"
"I have to be. They did a pregnancy test before they diagnosed me with the stomach flu last month. From some research I've done, apparently throwing up can make your birth control null and void. The only thing I can think of is that all the throwing up messed with my birth control and pretty much left my eggs completely defenseless." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Thanks, birth control."
"Remind me to never have sex after I get sick," Bonnie said.
"Yeah, don't. Otherwise you end up knocked up by some guy you're not even dating and his father tries to buy your unborn child."
"You've got the pregnancy mood swings, don't you?" Caroline cringed.
Elena frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "I do not."
"Really?" Caroline raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Cause Damon told Stefan that you practically bit his head off last night when he suggested you move in."
"Well, he had it coming." And he did. She'd been exhausted after a long night at work and instead of silently massaging her feet like she'd wanted him to do, he had to try and coerce her into moving in with him. Sure, he wouldn't talk about his dad, but he couldn't drop the moving in idea. Apparently he'd been thinking about it since she got pregnant, but only decided to mention it after that dinner. "Why not live in sin?" he'd said; they were already having a child out of wedlock. The reasoning had not gone over well.
"Didn't you also yell at him because he forgot to get Captain Crunch at the grocery store?"
"I hate your husband," she grumbled.
"It's okay," Caroline smiled, completely unfazed by the anger, "I love him enough for the both of us."
So maybe Caroline did have a small point somewhere in that fashion-riddled brain of hers. Elena had been a little moodier than normal over the past week. Some days she was fine, and others, she'd be mad one minute and ecstatic the next. She could barley keep up with how she felt right now, and everyone else could forget trying to figure it out too.
"Elena," Bonnie began softly, "I know the pregnancy is unexpected, but you really don't sound happy about it at all."
Elena sighed, knowing that her friend was right. She wasn't exactly a beacon of light right now when the topic of her pregnancy came up. But how would they be acting if they were throwing up every day, couldn't wear a top that clung to their chest, and had the only living grandparent of the unborn child thinking they were the devil? Combine that with the fact that she was going to be out of a job in a matter of months, with no way to pay for her apartment, much less said child, and she didn't think anyone would be in the best of moods.
It wasn't that she hated the idea of the child. She was still just so lost in a sea of questions and uncertainties that a moment for excitement or even acceptance didn't really have a place.
"I know," she admitted quietly. She hadn't voiced the thoughts to anyone. There were couples out there that would give anything to be pregnant right now, and she barely seemed to care. She was horrible. "Damon has been so amazing through all of this, you all have, but I'm so confused about everything. One day I was with Matt, hoping we'd work our problems out, and the next, I'm kissing Damon and finding that I wanted to know him. Not just in the 'hey, let's be friends' kind of way, but in the 'I want to know everything about you' kind of way, but that wasn't supposed to happen because of how things with Katherine worked out. Then Matt hated me and I was sleeping with Damon, and next thing I know I'm pregnant. In less than a year, I've gone from ending the longest relationship of my life because I wasn't ready for these serious things, to staring down the barrel of a lifetime that wasn't supposed to start yet, with a guy that wasn't even supposed to care about me. I barely know which way is up right now."
"Honey," Caroline sighed. "Why haven't you told us?"
"Cause I sound like a selfish bitch." She blew out a bitter laugh. "And I'm starting to feel like I did trap Damon. All of a sudden, he's telling me that he cares about me, he's asking me to be his girlfriend, defending me to his father, and now asking me to move in with him. None of this would have happened if I didn't get pregnant, even though I desperately wanted him to. I'm getting all these things I wanted, but in all the wrong ways."
"Oh my god," Caroline now groaned and rolled her eyes, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "Sometimes I wonder if you and Damon talk at all. Because if you don't know by now that he wouldn't do a damn thing unless he wanted to, you don't know him."
"Well what am I supposed to think, Caroline? None of this happened until he found out I was pregnant. He might say he's not doing things he doesn't want, but it looks that way and sometimes it feels that way."
"I think you and Damon need to work on your communication if you're going to have a shot at this whole parenting thing," she spoke honestly. At Elena's annoyed look, she shook her head and took a more serious approach. "I know my husband and I know that there's no way he'd be as okay with this as he is, if Damon wasn't okay with it. The thing with Damon is that you just have to trust what he says. He's not going to lie to you, even if you might want him to."
"So, you basically think I'm overreacting?"
"No," she quickly denied. "I think you're scared and keeping too many things inside. Bonnie and I, we're your best friends Elena, best friends, and this is the first time you've mentioned any of this to us. You have to talk about these things, Elena. Not just with us, but with Damon. For anything between the two of you to work, you have to talk – both of you."
"I know." Her friends were right. She needed to talk to Damon. He'd been so vocal lately about his feelings for her and his thoughts about the baby, but she'd been closed off. This was what she wanted, to know that he cared, but now she was scared. She needed to confront him with her fears or else this would never work and then she'd be a single mother, and it would be all her fault. "I should probably go find him, apologize for my behavior last night."
"I'm sure he'd had it coming for something else," Bonnie threw in with a small smile. She still wasn't on the Damon train, but she'd warmed up to him. She didn't have the benefit of being married to his brother or being his bed companion, so she remained forever out of the loop on many things that went on with a Salvatore man.
The girls gathered their books and rose to their feet. "So, which ones are you taking home with you?"
Elena dropped the books in her arms onto a nearby table so she could have an easier time of gathering what she needed. She plucked a book from Bonnie's arms. "Definitely the one by Jenny McCarthy. I need some humor while I'm reading about all of this stuff." She pondered over her other choices before choosing on one about counting down the time to birth. It might scare the crap out of her, but sounded interesting enough. Then she spied one in Caroline's arms that she had to have. "My Boys Can Swim: The Official Guy's Guide to Pregnancy." She laughed as she read the name of the book. "Might not tell me much, but it shall be entertaining to know what it tells Damon."
Her chosen books in hand, Elena went to the register and paid for them, feeling another small sense of reality setting in. She was buying books on pregnancy. That was real. Maybe if she took it one thing at a time, it might not be so overwhelming and it could begin to feel like a reality. Hopefully, not such a scary one.
"You'll have your best luck if you go to his office. I doubt he's gone home yet," Caroline told her after they exited the bookstore.
She wrapped her coat tightly around her, making sure to not drop her bag. She'd never been to his work before, didn't even know what he did until a couple weeks ago. She didn't know if it was something that would be allowed or if he would get upset. Then again, if he got angry with her she wouldn't have to apologize for last night and they could just call it even. Sounded like a fair enough trade to her.
Unwilling to roam around the city in the bitter cold, Elena hailed a cab and remained cozy until she was stepping out on the sidewalk in front of Damon's large office building. Nervously, she made her way into the lobby and searched the directory for the floors his company housed, and after finding that it was a ton, she finally figured out that Damon would be on the 36th floor.
As she stepped into the elevator, she had a growing feeling of trepidation. Damon's father worked here. What if she ran into him? If he didn't like her before, he certainly wouldn't like her showing up and interrupting Damon's time at work. Then, nobody knew her, what if they wouldn't let her see Damon? She had not thought this through that well. Before she had a chance to strongly consider going straight back down on the elevator and acting as if she'd never come, the doors slid open to reveal Damon standing in the middle of a long hallway, deep in conversation with several businessmen.
He looked up and saw her before she could make any definitive decision on what to do. A broad smile spread across his face. "Elena!" he called out happily, quickly breaking away from the group and coming toward her, one arm extended in her direction. "What are you doing here?" He greeted her with a chaste kiss to her unmoving lips. "This is certainly a surprise."
She laughed nervously. "I thought I'd apologize for my behavior last night. I shouldn't have gotten mad."
He waved his hand in the air. "It was nothing. I expect it at this point." He guided her toward a pleasant looking secretary with light brown hair. "Here, this is Ava, my secretary/assistant/life saver. She can take you back to my office while I finish up with these guys real fast." He squeezed Elena's hand that he was holding before nudging her toward Ava. "I'll only be a minute," he promised, leaning over to give her cheek a quick kiss. "Keep your stories to yourself, Ava. You signed a confidentiality contract."
Ava rose from her seat and laughed amiably. "You wouldn't sue me for breach of contract and you know it. Your life would be in shambles without me." Ava rounded her desk and held her hand out for Elena to shake. "I'm Ava, nice to meet you."
Elena shook her hand in return. "Elena." She tried to not appear affected as Ava scrutinized her appearance, probably mulling over a few thoughts of her resemblance to Katherine. "You can say it; I look like Katherine."
Ava blanched, embarrassed at being caught. "I'm sorry, you're just not how I pictured you." Ava grabbed her arm and began leading her down another hallway. "For what it's worth, you're much prettier. Katherine's black soul kind of sucks the beauty out."
"I take it you're not a fan."
"Not many people are," she said. "Especially those of us that love Damon. She certainly put him through the ringer, and he didn't deserve any of it. Anyway, here we are." They stopped at the end of the hallway and Ava pushed open a large gray door that revealed Damon's vast office to her. If she worked someplace with an office that nice, she might work as many hours as he did too. Before Ava closed the door and left Elena to wait for Damon she turned to her and smiled. "I almost forgot to say congratulations on the pregnancy. You look fabulous; you definitely have the mommy glow."
Elena's words choked in the back of her throat for a moment before she finally croaked out, "How did you know?"
Ava's eyes widened as she realized what had just happened. "Being Damon's secretary is like being his gatekeeper. I know everything that goes on in his life on a daily basis. I haven't mentioned a word to anyone else though, don't worry." She smiled again, this time with her green eyes twinkling. "My husband and I just had a baby before Thanksgiving. You are going to love being a mother, trust me." She leaned over and gave Elena's arm a quick squeeze.
"Thank you, Ava."
"No problem at all. Also, if you ever get confused about Damon's schedule or don't know where he's supposed to be or anything like that, just give me a call. Whatever you need to know, I can tell you." She stepped outside of Damon's office and grabbed the door handle. "Nice to meet you Elena. I hope to see you again."
"Same." She smiled and waved as Ava closed the door and then turned to take in Damon's entire office. There was a large sectional in front of a large flat screen television. There was a fully equipped bar along one wall of his office and another wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. This was nicer than most people's living rooms.
"Enjoying the view?" Damon snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Sometimes that view is the only thing that keeps me from walking out in the middle of the day."
"You have a pretty nice office for yourself here, Damon." She smiled and turned in his arms. "Is this why you're so late getting to my place some nights? You just can't leave the football?"
"I wish I actually got to enjoy that television. I don't think I've turned it on in three months." The bag of books she was holding bounced against Damon's leg, catching his attention. "What do you have?"
She looked down at the bag as well and then held it up higher. "The girls and I spent the afternoon at the bookstore. Caroline thought I needed books on pregnancy."
Damon smirked and grabbed the bag from her. "I think Blondie is more involved in your pregnancy than we are." He walked around his desk and sat down in the comfortable black chair. With a curious expression he pulled her books from the bag and began to read the titles. When he reached the book for him he let out a loud burst of laughter. "This is hilarious!"
Elena rounded his desk, a small smile on her face, and sat down on the corner of it. "You better read that. Caroline is going to force me to read the entire pregnancy section before this whole thing is over with. You can at least read one book."
He closed the book after flipping through it for a moment and set it on his desk. "I will read it."
"Good." She picked up one of her books from his desk and flipped through it casually. "Apparently, I might get really horny in the second trimester."
As she expected, Damon's face lit up like he'd just walked into his living room on Christmas morning. "I like this whole pregnancy thing." He snagged her hand and pulled her into his lap. After allowing her a moment to get comfortable he asked, "So, how are you feeling right now?"
She giggled softly and slid her arms around his neck. "Not horny enough to have sex with you in your office."
Damon opened his mouth, probably for some witty comment, but his phone rang, cutting off whatever he was about to say. He reached out for it, but before he picked it up, he whispered, "We'll revisit this in a moment." He answered his phone and pressed the receiver to his ear. "Damon Salvatore." He was silent for a moment before saying, "No, that won't work. I don't have time to go to Spain right now. They can come to us. If they want to improve their numbers, I think they can make it a priority to come here."
As Damon leaned back in his chair to continue his conversation, she decided she'd go to the bathroom. She had to go all the time now. When she moved to get up, he tightened his arm around her and gave her a questioning look. "Bathroom," she whispered. He nodded and motioned to a door at the end of his office. She flipped on the light switch when she walked into his bathroom and blew out a low whistle. "Even your bathroom in your office is nicer than my apartment," she said to nothing in particular, as if the air could somehow anwer her.
She lowered her pants and was just about to sit down to go to the bathroom when she noticed blood. It wasn't a lot, but there was definitely blood. Was this normal? Bleeding didn't feel normal. Did this mean something was wrong?
With shaky hands she pulled her jeans back up and fastened them, her bathroom plans now forgotten. Slowly, she emerged from the bathroom. Damon's face clouded in worry when he spotted her just outside the bathroom door. "I'm gonna have to call you back." He didn't wait for a response before slamming his phone down and rising from his chair. "What's wrong?"
Scared, she looked back at the bathroom and then back at him. "I'm bleeding."
His face paled at her words. "Is that normal?"
"I don't know. How can it be?"
"Okay, okay," he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "We should go to the hospital. Yeah, we need to go to the hospital." He rushed back to his desk to grab his jacket and phone before returning to his side. "Okay, let's go."
"Damon," she whispered.
"I know." He grabbed her hand. "I know."
They remained silent the entire trip to the hospital, both lost in thoughts of what the next few hours might bring. Not even an hour ago she was acting like this baby was nothing but an inconvenience to her, but now she was facing this possibility that by the end of the day, it could be gone. Somehow, in all of her thoughts she'd had about the baby, she never actually considered that she could lose it.
They had just gotten out of the taxi and were about to enter the hospital when Elena stopped and pulled at Damon's hand. "Damon, what if I lose it?"
He turned to her and grabbed her other hand in his. "We can't think like that. This could be anything. We don't know that something is wrong. Okay?" Unable to speak, she nodded. She tried to be reassured by his words, but there was only a growing trepidation inside of her.
Damon went about handling everything in the emergency room. Having the last name Salvatore was sure to go much farther than her name. Soon, they were being ushered back to a private room. Damon stood next to her as she waited nervously on the exam table, clutching her hand tightly in his. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many things they hadn't talked about. And now they were waiting to find out the fate of this child and she couldn't hold it in anymore. "Did I trap you?" she blurted out.
His eyes widened and he looked down at her in shock. "What?"
"With the baby, the pregnancy. Did I trap you?"
He quickly shook his head back and forth. "No, you didn't trap me. Why would you even ask that?"
"Because, all of this that's happening with us, it's only happening because I'm pregnant. If I weren't pregnant, we wouldn't even be official. We'd still just be having sex."
Damon moved to stand in front of her, nestling himself between her legs hanging over the edge of the table. "The reason that all of this is happening because you're pregnant is because I wouldn't let myself go there before you were. After how everything worked out with my marriage, I wouldn't let myself have another relationship or risk going through any of that again, but then you got pregnant and it wasn't about being scared anymore. It's about having a child and needing to be honest with myself. So, no, I'm not being trapped by you. All this pregnancy did was force me to face what I wouldn't let myself acknowledge or do anything about."
"What happens if I lose it?"
He cupped her face in her hands, brushing away the stray tears that had fallen down her cheeks. "No matter what happens today, it's not going to change how I feel about you." He took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders. "I want to be with you – baby or no baby."
The door swung open and a doctor in her mid-30s entered the room, a calm but serious expression on her face. Damon moved around to the side of the bed again so the doctor could approach her. "Hi, I'm Dr. Thomas." Elena reached out to shake the doctor's hand. "So, I hear you're pregnant and experiencing some bleeding?" She silently nodded as Damon squeezed her hand. "When did the bleeding start?"
"I don't know. I noticed it about an hour ago."
"Have you experienced any cramping with it?"
"No."
"How far along are you?"
"Seven weeks, I think."
The doctor sighed and closed the chart she had been writing in. "Okay, we're going to draw some blood to check your hormone levels and give you an ultrasound. This can be very normal in the first trimester, but we're just going to make sure that everything is as it should be. Right now, we're just going to try not to worry unless there's something to worry about." She bent down and pulled a gown out from a drawer. "Alright, I'm going to need you to go ahead and put this on for the ultrasound. A nurse will be in in just a minute to draw your blood and then I'll be back in to do the ultrasound. Sound good?"
"Yeah."
Once the doctor exited the room, Damon turned to look at her. "The doctor doesn't seem worried. That should be a good sign."
"Yeah," she murmured. Damon helped her down from the table so she could get changed into the gown.
When she pulled off her shirt, he slid a hand onto her abdomen and looked down at her. "We're gonna figure this out." She nodded her head and he allowed her to finish changing into her gown, and then helped her back onto the table.
The nurse came in almost immediately after she was positioned on the table and drew enough blood to make Elena want to squirm. She was seeing far too much blood today. It wasn't that she hated blood; she just hated her own blood. Once the nurse taped a band-aid over the small wound on her arm, she gave her a reassuring smile and left the room. "She kept looking at me like she knew that this wasn't going to end well."
"No she didn't," Damon assured her. "You're just scared."
"Of course I'm scared," she choked out. "I've been scared every day since I found out I was pregnant, but now I'm scared for a completely different reason. Is this just karma for not being happy or excited? Am I being punished?"
"No!" Damon turned her face toward him. "This is not karma or punishment or anything of the sort. This is going to be fine. We just need to believe that."
The door opened again and the doctor entered the room. "The blood has been sent off to the lab, and it's being rushed. We should have the results soon. In the meantime, let's go ahead and do an ultrasound." She walked over to the ultrasound machine and rolled it closer to the table. "Because it's so early in the pregnancy, we'll need to do an internal ultrasound. We most likely will not be able to hear a heartbeat, but this will allow me to see if everything is developing correctly."
Elena laid back on the exam table and got situated how the doctor told her, anxious to finally have at least one answer. She found Damon's hand and gripped it tightly. He was standing next to the bed, his free hand running through her hair. They both watched the doctor's face as she turned on the monitor and searched for whatever it was she needed to know. She tried to read the doctor's face, searching for any indication of whether or not she was finding anything good.
Damon leaned down and brushed his mouth against her ear. "Just breathe." She squeezed his hand tighter and tried to follow his advice.
The doctor turned the screen so that Damon and Elena could finally see it. She pointed to a small white blob inside of a black circle. "That is your baby and he or she is measuring just over seven weeks." Damon and Elena both released large sighs of relief. "And that little spot right there is the heartbeat." Elena clasped a hand over her mouth as she tearfully nodded. "From this, everything looks fine. If your HCG levels come back normal, then this is just a normal case of spotting."
"So, it doesn't mean anything is wrong?" Damon questioned.
The doctor turned off the ultrasound machine and turned to face Damon. "Spotting happens in several pregnancies. Yes, bleeding can indicate a miscarriage in progress, but it can also mean nothing. Right now, it looks like your baby is fine." At that moment, the nurse entered the room and handed what Elena assumed to be the blood test results to the doctor. She looked down at the results, taking a moment to take them all in before looking back up at the anxious couple in front of her. "HCG levels are completely normal. Your baby is perfectly healthy."
Elena tried to pay attention as the doctor talked to her for the next few minutes, but all she could think was that the baby was fine. It was fine, and she'd seen it for herself. It kind of looked like a peanut, but it was a person. The rest of the appointment blurred together as her mind remained frozen on that tiny white blob she'd seen on that screen. It wasn't until the doctor left and Damon pulled her into his arms that the enormity of the situation began to sink in. She shook in his arms, soft cries consuming her body as he held her tightly, whispering words of comfort into her ear.
"Stay at my place tonight, okay?" he questioned a few minutes later when he pulled away to look at her.
Without hesitation, she nodded her head. She didn't want to be alone tonight or with anyone else. She just wanted to be with him. "Yes, I'd like that."
"Okay, we'll pick up some dinner on the way home and take it easy tonight."
He helped her off the table so she could get dressed, and she was soon able to leave the hospital, hoping to not return for a very long time. The last time she'd been in a hospital was when she woke up after the car accident and learned that her parents were dead. They brought nothing but sadness for her and she hated them. Though she did not get bad news today, it did nothing to alleviate her fear of them. She just wanted to curl up under the covers and try to forget that this day ever happened.
As they rode back to Damon's place in silence, Caroline's words played on a loop in her head. The last two hours just proved that her and Damon had to talk. They'd been putting so many things off, content to keep the baby talk centered around Damon being in the picture. They never discussed things beyond that other than when he tried to convince her to move in with him, a topic she tried to actively avoid. This was a reality though. She saw the proof with her very own eyes; there was a person growing inside of her. In a few months, this person would be in the world and it would be her responsibility to provide for it. She couldn't bury her head in the sand and put things off until she was in labor. They needed to figure things out now.
However, as she looked over at Damon as he helped her from the taxi, she knew that this wasn't the right moment. He'd worn the same worried expression since she emerged from his bathroom hours ago. He'd been nothing short of amazingly supportive, but she could now see how the day had affected him as well. She decided she'd wait until later tonight after he'd hopefully calmed down before she tried to talk with him. After the afternoon they had, they could use a few hours to try to unwind and calm down.
Damon seemed to agree with this silent sentiment of hers, because he remained mostly quiet throughout dinner and added none of his usual snarky commentary as they watched what he referred to as her "mindless chick drama" shows. He seemed to barely pay attention to anything on television and she wasn't faring much better. How could she be entertained by The Real Housewives of New Jersey right now? She had real problems of her own to deal with, not some feud because someone had thrown her cookies in the trash at Christmas. So, when he asked her if she was ready for bed, she didn't object. She was just ready for the day to be over. She didn't even bother with most of her nightly routine and crawled in bed long before Damon.
She was close to falling asleep when Damon emerged from his closet, clad only in a pair of loose pajama pants. His hair was a ruffled mess from the hundreds of times he'd roughly run his fingers through the dark tresses throughout the day. After the events of the day, she knew his week was finally catching up with him. Right now, his walls were down and she could read his face as clearly as she could read Bonnie's or Caroline's. She could see that there was more they needed to discuss than the baby. They had to finally discuss his father as well.
He wasn't saying it, but she knew it was killing him that he'd received no support or love from his father. There was still so much she did not know about the relationship, for he kept most details about his family life locked away somewhere deep within him, but it was easy to see that a part of him still ached to one day have his father look at him and just be proud.
She suspected it was why he was so intent on making her understand that he wasn't going to walk away from this. While today was giving her some growth in being able to begin to wrap her mind around what was happening, he was more accepting of the idea that they were having a child each and every day. There seemed to be an innate need in him to be different than his father. He was turning out to be everything she never expected him to be.
He climbed into his bed, a distant look on his face, and she couldn't bring herself to stay silent any longer. "Damon," she said quietly, as she reached across the distance to gently run her fingers down his cheek. "We need to talk."
He melted into the comfort of her touch, his eyes closing as she caressed his skin. "There's nothing to talk about. The baby is fine. Let's just enjoy that right now." Dejectedly, he opened his eyes again, only they were now filled with deep despair.
"I know, but that means that we need to talk now more than ever. In a few months, we're going to have a baby who is going to need both of us. I think we need to discuss what that means beyond both of us being in the picture." He sighed and shook his head and she knew he saw her point. "We need to talk about your dad too."
He grew more alert at her words and immediately began shaking his head back and forth. "No." He quickly turned to her. "There's nothing to talk about in regards to my father. He had a chance to be different the other night, but he didn't. I'm his son and he couldn't just be happy that I was happy and going to be a father. He's not a part of this. I'm not discussing him."
"He's your dad."
"No," he bit out. "My dad died when my mom did. My father is just a man who contributed some sperm and spent the next 28 years damaging me."
"You don't really feel that way." She knew she was pushing at a delicate subject, but she knew that he didn't really mean what he was saying. He wanted to mean it, but he couldn't. "He's your father and you want him to accept you."
"I want him to accept you and this baby."
"He thinks I'm trash," she admitted with embarrassment. She understood that her current profession wasn't anything to write home about, but she didn't exactly think it equated her to a piece of gum that had gotten stuck to the bottom of Giuseppe's shoe. She had a degree from Columbia for heaven's sake. She may not come from the money that Damon came from, but she hadn't been poor by any means. Her had been a doctor with his own practice. She was a good girl, an honest girl.
"He thinks we're all trash." He sighed and moved closer to her. "When my mother died, it was like he shut everything off. He didn't care about being a father anymore; he just wanted to be in control. He couldn't look past his own grief to see the fact that his sons had just lost their mother. My entire world had been shattered, and he didn't care; he's never tried to since."
Her chest constricted and tears burned fiercely in her eyes as she heard the agonizing pain in Damon's voice. He'd still been a baby when his mother died, and he'd had to deal with all of it alone. At least, when her parents died, she had Jenna and Jeremy. She'd had Bonnie and Caroline to turn to as well, and without all of that support, she would have never survived the gut wrenching pain of it all. It broke her heart to know that the only other stable adult he'd had in his life hadn't just left him to fend for himself, but had also worked to damage him even further. It was a miracle he could even admit that he cared about her.
Unsure of what to say, she simply settled on pulling Damon into her arms and allowing him to bury his face in her neck. He shuddered against her skin and she only pulled him tighter. "I care," she whispered.
He froze in her arms and she worried for a moment that she'd gone a step too far. Then, he slowly pulled back. She watched nervously as he sadly shook his head. "You shouldn't."
She rose to her knees in front of him and lifted his chin. "You don't see who you really are, but I do. You've been my rock through all of this, Damon. Before we even started sleeping together you were there for me. I should care, and I do."
"I don't get you, Elena Gilbert," he sighed wistfully.
In confusion, she furrowed her brows. "What don't you get?"
"I know you started caring about me long before you got pregnant. I saw it, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. If I acknowledged it, it meant I had to face the fact that I'd fallen for you. I never wanted to fall for you."
Elena sighed and brushed her finger over the creases on his forehead. "You've lost me."
"I didn't want this to become real. I did that with Katherine and it ended horribly. I'm not that same man I was when I met her. She took so much and I can't understand what you see in me. I'm the unhealthiest choice a woman could ever choose to be with. I have a freakishly codependent relationship with my brother. I'm downright cruel to people, even if I don't need to be. Katherine was the only woman I never cheated on. I spend far too much time working. And most of all, I have a horrible relationship with my father. You tell me that you don't know how to be a mom. I have no blueprint of how to be a dad."
"That's not true," she denied, rapidly shaking her head back and forth. "You have the perfect blueprint. You know how your father was with you, and you know that you never want to do that with a child. You know exactly what kind of a father to not be. That means something."
She expected him to deny it, unable to allow his heart to believe that he could do what she was saying. Instead, he leaned forward and captured her lips. Everything he felt that he'd never know how to put into words he poured into her with his kiss. These moments had become a common occurrence between them over the past month. Everything had become more intimate and personal between them, no longer just about the lust and unabashed desire for each other.
When he finally pulled away, leaving her breathless, he looked at her through hooded eyes and said, "Move in with me." Just like every other time he'd mentioned it before, her heart stopped for a moment in her chest before returning to normal. "I know you don't think it's needed, but after what happened and what we saw today, I'm more convinced than ever that we need to live together. Like you said, we're going to have a baby in a few months. How are we supposed to do this together if we live on opposite sides of the city?"
She couldn't deny that he had a point. How could they properly do this if they were trading off with the baby every few days? Not to mention, it couldn't be what would be best for the child. The idea was scary, knowing she would be leaving herself so dependent on Damon until she found a job of some kind. No matter what she found though, she'd never be able to make anything that could even help to cover his living expenses. There was something else she also needed to think about before she could say yes. "What would it mean for us? Moving in is what serious couples do. We've only been dating like a week."
"I think it's safe to say we've pretty much been dating since December."
"How so?"
"I haven't even called a girl since we slept together. You're the only person I've been with in months. And as much as I tried to tell my brother he was stupid, he had a point about me treating this like a relationship. We did everything that couples do; we just didn't call ourselves a couple. So, if we look at it in that sense, we've been together for three months. And we're having a baby. I think that puts us in the serious relationship bracket by default."
"I don't want to be in anything by default, Damon. I want it to be real."
He pulled her hands into his. "It is real. Everything about this has been real. I didn't plan it, but I care about you more than I ever thought possible. I want this, Elena. I want us."
"I want us too," she whispered.
"So," he started nervously, "You'll move in."
"Yes," she shook her head, "I'll move in with you."
A smile finally broke across his face since she'd seen him at his office hours ago. He looked like she'd lifted a weight from his shoulders just by agreeing to move in with him. "Good." He leaned back onto his pillows and pulled her into his side. "We're actually doing this, aren't we?"
"What? The relationship thing?"
"No, the parent thing." One of his hands drifted down to her stomach where his fingers traced softly over the thin material of her shirt. "It didn't really feel real until today. I knew we were having a child, but it wasn't a reality until I saw it on the screen."
She nestled in deeper into his side, comforted to know that he'd been feeling some sense of fear as well. "What did you think it looked like?"
His chest shook under her head as he laughed quietly. "I kind of thought it looked like a shrimp."
She giggled at his description. "I thought it looked like a peanut. Just a little cashew nut."
"Oh god," he groaned, but couldn't quite stop laughing. "Our child isn't even born and we're comparing it to food. We should probably just start the therapy fund now."
"Between you and me, surely we can do a halfway competent job."
"Let's hope so." He sighed, exhaustion seeping its way into his voice. "Cause according to that ultrasound, in a few months, you'll be giving birth to an appetizer."