FOUR
"So let me get this straight. You're my dead brother, and your trying to save the world, and you need me for it?" Zee asked Jake as they pulled up in front of Triple Rock Evangelical Church.
"That's exactly right," Jake said, hopping out onto the curb, "and we've got only thirteen days to do it. Starting right here."
He knocked on the church's door. Moments later, Reverend Cleophus James stuck out his head. "May I help you?" he asked.
"Reverend James, I do believe you saw a vision in your dreams last night," Jake informed him, lowering his shades to show him the power of God again. Reverend James bowed reverently. "So you have come for what was requested?" he asked the angel.
"Yep," Jake said, "the Sacred Heart Ruby, please."
"Run by me what the Sacred Heart Ruby is again?" Zee asked.
"The Sacred Heart Ruby is the frontispiece of the St. Francis de Sales Relic," Jake explained, "it is through it that the power of the Lord Our God flows when the Relic is invoked. Apart from the crystal cross in the relic which is imbibed with timbers from the True Cross, the ruby is the most important piece of the Relic."
"Okay," Zee nodded slowly, unsure what to make of all this, "Either this is really a big heavenly thing, or I had way too much to drink last night."
"Trust me, what I'm telling you is perfectly real," Jake said, flashing a smile.
Reverend James returned, clutching something red in his hand. "Here you go, Holy One," he said, handing it to Jake. "The Sacred Heart Ruby," Jake said, holding it up for Zee to see. Zee gazed deep into the ruby and once again became aware of something holy and divine. "Whoa," he exclaimed.
"I have two more requests from you, reverend," Jake told Reverend James, "First of all, I seek permission to recharge my powers inside your church, and secondly, I ask you on all subsequent Sundays leading up to Halloween to get your congregation to pray for the safety of the world. Doing this will at least negate some of the powers of the Satanic forces that may soon engulf the earth."
"My church is yours," Reverend James waved Jake inside.
"Thank you," Jake patted him on the back. He turned to Zee and said, "Stay here. Recharging is not for mortal eyes to see."
"No problem," Zee gave him the OK signal. He shook his head as Jake went inside, wondering what this all entailed in the long run.
In the middle of the aisle, Jake knelt down before the altar. "Holy Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I bow before Thee, give me what I need to serve thy purpose for today," he prayed. At that moment, a radiant beam of light shot down threw the stained-glass window above him onto the cross, which began glowing with charged energy. Jake extended a hand outward, and energy bolted outward from it into his fingers. Jake howled in delight as the enlightenment he was receiving surged through every inch of his body. Electricity shot off out of his sides, destroying several pews, to his non- noticing. Outside, Zee cringed at the sight of the electricity crackling inside the church. "I hope I don't have to do that after I die," he said to himself.
Finally, after about a minute of recharging, the holy powers died down. Jake nodded to the cross and strolled out. "Well, phase one of our mission has been accomplished," he told Zee, "and now I know where the next part of the Relic is."
"Where?" Zee asked him.
"Below a club on the North Side called the Crocodile Rock Cafe," Jake told him. "This works out beautifully for my plan of putting the band back together.
"So what do we do now?"
"We wait here for my brother to show up with the rest of the band," Jake told him, "Which, barring complications, should be in less than a half hour or so."
"Excuse me, birthday clown coming through," Elwood weaved his way through the cops at the 58th precinct. Being among so many officers of the law made him rather nervous, but he considered it a necessary evil to get through to Cabel, even in this stupid clown suit. He saw his office at the far corner of the squad room and started for it.
"Excuse me sir," came the voice of Cabel's adjutant, Lieutenant Eliozar from his right, "Do you have a reason to be visiting the Lieutenant Commander?"
"Um, uh, yeah, I'm uh, here to wish him a happy birthday," Elwood said quickly.
"But his birthday's not for another three months."
"I know, um, we, uh, decided we'd give him a little somethin' ahead of time, just to show him how much we at BirthdayWorld care for him," Elwood explained, hopping it sounded reasonable. Lieutenant Eliozar thought this over for a minute, then nodded and waved him inside. Cabel was over by the window, adjusting some Halloween decorations. "Hey Cab," Elwood addressed him.
"Elwood?" Cabel spun at the familiar voice, "Why the hell are you wearing that dumb suit?"
"Cab, I'm puttin' the band back together again, and we need ya to help us," Elwood told him.
Cabel sighed. "You know, Elwood, I'd really love to, but I really can't. My superiors have kept a close eye on me ever since they brought you in, and they'd kick me out for good if I left again."
"Well this is kinda more important than any job you might hold; ya see, the world's gonna become the devil's playground unless we can find and reassemble this holy relic," Elwood tried to sway him, "And the last thing I want to see is the world end..." he failed to see the cherry picker rising up outside with a hooded Heretic on board. This man pulled out a wand of some kind and pointed it at Cabel. "AGITATO!!" he hissed.
Inside, Cabel immediately became quite beregerent. "What makes you'd think I'd even go around with a low-life punk like you again!?" he snarled, grabbing Elwood by the collar and shaking him violently. "Because of you, I got demoted, I've lost all respect from my superiors, and I have you to blame for it!" he roared.
"Uh, would it help if I said I was sorry?" Elwood asked pitifully. Cabel simply bellowed in rage and tried to choke him to death.
Back at Triple Rock Evangelical, Jake's head perked up. "Uh oh!" he exclaimed.
"What?" Zee asked.
"I'll be right back," Jake zipped off at the speed of light before Zee could get another word in. In seconds he'd arrived just outside Cabel's window. Seeing the situation inside, he pointed his finger at Cabel. "Pacifica!" he shouted. Immediately, Cabel dropped Elwood to the floor and smiled nicely. "Like I said, I'd be happy to join up with you again." He said.
"Huh?" Elwood was now totally confused.
"AGITATO!!" shouted the Heretic outside. Cabel picked Elwood back up and started strangling him again. Jake lunged at the Heretic and started slugging him. "PACIFICA!" he yelled. Cabel dropped Elwood once more and patted him on the shoulder. Jake and the Heretic continued to shout out the magic words as they whaled away at each other, and as he switched back and forth from angry to content repeatedly, Cabel started shaking violently and looked like he was going to divide clean down the middle. Finally, as the shouting reached a crescendo, Cabel simply slit in two with a loud crack of thunder. Elwood tumbled over to the corner. Looking up, he was surprised to see two Cabels before him now, one in police uniform and the other in a Blues Brothers suit. Outside, Jake and the Heretic looked surprised at what had just happened. Jake recovered first and slugged the Heretic clean off the cherry picker. He morphed himself through the window. "Oh damn, I'd hoped it wouldn't have come to this!" he said dismally.
"What the hell just happened, Jake?" Elwood asked his brother.
"He was trying to tap into Cabel's negative feelings for you to use against you," Jake explained, "And I tried to use the positive feelings for you to counteract it, but apparently we both got carried away and split him into both good and evil entities."
"Is that good or bad?" Elwood had to know.
"It's neither, but now unfortunately one of these two personalities will have to win out, and we can't afford that battle to take place right now, because his evil self is stronger right now," Jake picked up the still unconscious good Cabel and took Elwood by the hand. "Hold on tight," he said, and together they leaped out the window to the Bluesmobile below.
"So what the hell happened up there?" Rocky asked Elwood as they rushed up to the car and tossed the prostrate good Cabel into the back seat with Armstrong.
"It's a little long to explain right now," Elwood said hopping in the driver's seat, "This is Jake by the way."
"So you're the famous Joliet Jake," Mack said with more than a little skepticism in his voice.
"That's me, McTier, now get in and let me push," Jake closed the door behind him, ran to the back of the Bluesmobile and starting pushing it up the road at the speed of sound. Elwood couldn't believe how they were able to go so fast and not hit anyone or anything. A mere ten seconds later, they pulled up in front of Triple Rock Evangelical. And someone else was waiting for them there besides Zee....
"Elwood!" came Latifah's rather stern voice. Elwood jumped a bit at the sound of it. "What're you doin' here, Latifah?" he asked her.
"Why did you escape, Elwood!?" Latifah demanded, "By doing this, you've just ruined any leverage we might have had. Come with me, I'm taking you back."
"But we're on a mission from God!" Elwood protested.
"I don't care what your excuse is this time, I have to turn you in!" Latifah insisted.
Jake stepped in front of her. "You will not turn Elwood in," he said, waving his hand in front of her like Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I will not turn Elwood in," Latifah said, trance-like.
"You will book the Blues Brothers Band into the Crocodile Rock Café for tomorrow night."
"I will book the Blues Brothers Band into the Crocodile Rock Café for tomorrow night.
"And you're wearing my underwear."
"And I'm wearing your underwear." Elwood shot Jake a look at this one. "I just had to do it," Jake chuckled, then waved Latifah off with, "You'll be going now."
"I'll be going now," Latifah climbed into her Cadillac and drove off.
"So Jake, where'd you learn the Force?" Mack asked him with a laugh.
"Psycho-hypnotism, it's a standard angelic feature," Jake explained. Noticing Zee standing nearby, he said, "I think it's time you all met my blood brother. Zee Papageorge, ,meet my other brother Elwood Blues and the Blues Brothers.
"Pleasure," Elwood said, shaking Zee's hand, "I'm Elwood, this is Rocky the Mountain, Mighty Mack, and Armstrong the Blues Dog. And out cold in the back's Cabel."
"Uh, nice to meet you all," Zee said. "Um, Jake was saying you were going to perform tomorrow night?"
"We've locked up the first piece of the Relic, Elwood," Jake showed him the Sacred Heart Ruby, "And the second's at the Crocodile Rock Café on the North Side. Now all we have to do is round up your little friend and we'll be all set to get the Band itself.
"Well ya know, Jake, we'll haveta go through the Penguin to get to Buster," Elwood informed him.
"Ah, she doesn't scare me anymore," Jake scoffed, "Come on, let's go get him.
About a half hour later, Elwood found himself knocking hesitantly on the door of Mother Mary Stigmata's office. "Enter!" she ordered. Elwood slipped inside. "Uh, Mother, I..." he began. Mother Stigmata immediately grabbed her stick and hit him in the head. "Ow, what was that for!?" he shouted, "I didn't even say anything yet, damn it!"
Mother Stigmata hit him again, this time on the shoulder. "How dare you come back here Elwood Blues, after everything you did to brainwash poor innocent little Buster!" she bellowed.
"Yeah, well, uh, that was just a little misunderstanding..." Elwood tried to say, but Mother Stigmata hit him again on the shoulder. "Cut it out you fat Penguin!" he yelled, bringing about a half dozen hits in quick succession. It was then that Jack came into the office. "My dear Penguin, I ask you on the order of God to ease up on Elwood here," he told her. "Nice try, Elwood," Mother Stigmata snapped at him, "but this phony Jake person doesn't fool me in the least!"
"Oh ye of little faith," Jake chuckled and once again lowered his dark glasses to reveal the light within his eyes. Mother Stigmata was immediately taken aback by her error. "I'm terribly sorry, Jake," she stammered, looking both at awe to be in the presence of true holiness and disgusted that she'd actually be talking this way to Jake, who'd been one of her least favorite orphans. "To what do I owe this visit from the heavens?"
"Uh, we're just here for Buster," Elwood told her, "So now that you know we want him for a good thing, we'll just borrow him for the next two weeks and be on our way."
Mother Stigmata's expression went surprisingly sad. "It pains me to tell you this, Elwood," she told him, "but Buster was abducted from here along with the rest of our orphans about two weeks ago."
WHAT!?" Elwood was aghast. "Howe did that happen?"
"It was the work of Tyrone Terrell," Mother Stigmata told him.
"Terrell," Elwood thought over where he'd heard the name before, "Ain't he the biggest drug dealer in the tri-state area."
"Yes," Mother Stigmata said. "One night myself and the other sisters here at the hospital heard the orphans screaming in the night, and when we came down to assist them, we found their rooms completely empty. From the note Terrell's associates left us, he plans to use them to aid in the sorting and manufacturing of his unholy wares."
"Well can't the cops do anything about this!?"
"We notified them, but missing orphans aren't exactly a high priority for them," Mother Stigmata conceded. "And while we're on the subject of Buster, Elwood, I think there's something else about him you should know. His father stopped by last week. He wants custody of his son, and we had little recourse but to grant it." "Wait a minute, his father?" Elwood was feeling totally out of the loop now, "You never told me nothin' about him havin' a father!" "We thought he'd died in a drunk driving accident six year ago, but he had been spending that time at the Betty Ford Clinic, getting over the alcoholism that had caused the state to take custody of Buster from him in the first place," Mother Stigmata explained. "He has now cleaned up his life and gotten a respectable job. It is therefore right that he get custody of his son back." "Well what about Buster? What does he think about it?" "He was taken before his father arrived, but I'm sure he would agree it would be all for the best," Mother Stigmata said. "And so I'm asking you not to interfere with the transition of custody, Elwood . His father can provide a better life for him than you can."
"Oh sure, screw over the ex-con who the kid really loves," Elwood muttered sarcastically. Mother Stigmata hit him with her stick in the most painful of all areas. "YEEOOWWW!" he yelled, "Now that wasn't fair, you son of a...."
Mother Stigmata cracked him in the mouth before he could finish the curse. "Now remove yourself from my office!" she barked.
"You know, ,you may claim to know God, but you're just as blind as any big businessman out there," Jake snarled at her as he turned to leave. Mother Stigmata whacked him on the back in closing.
"What're we gonna do?" Elwood lamented as they headed down the stairs, "I heard of Tyrone Terrell's reputation. Poor Buster don't stand a chance in his system. And what if he don't like his real Dad?"
"You really do care for him, don't you Elwood?" Jake asked him, looking dead serious.
"Yeah, I really do," Elwood nodded, "He almost is like a son to me. And although it sounds strange, I actually want one now, and I'd like it to be him."
"Well don't worry Elwood, I'll find him and free both him and the other orphans from the bonds of slavery," Jake told him firmly.
"How? He could be anywhere now."
"Give me a moment of silence," Jake closed his eyes and made like he was concentrating very hard. After about twenty seconds, he smiled and said, "You're not going to believe this, Elwood. He's at the old glue factory you used to work for."
"Really?" Elwood was surprised and impressed, "How'd you figure that out?"
"Now that's a trade secret I can't reveal, Elwood," Jake said, "but let's go tell the guys that we strike tonight, and that we need their help."
"So let me get this straight. You're my dead brother, and your trying to save the world, and you need me for it?" Zee asked Jake as they pulled up in front of Triple Rock Evangelical Church.
"That's exactly right," Jake said, hopping out onto the curb, "and we've got only thirteen days to do it. Starting right here."
He knocked on the church's door. Moments later, Reverend Cleophus James stuck out his head. "May I help you?" he asked.
"Reverend James, I do believe you saw a vision in your dreams last night," Jake informed him, lowering his shades to show him the power of God again. Reverend James bowed reverently. "So you have come for what was requested?" he asked the angel.
"Yep," Jake said, "the Sacred Heart Ruby, please."
"Run by me what the Sacred Heart Ruby is again?" Zee asked.
"The Sacred Heart Ruby is the frontispiece of the St. Francis de Sales Relic," Jake explained, "it is through it that the power of the Lord Our God flows when the Relic is invoked. Apart from the crystal cross in the relic which is imbibed with timbers from the True Cross, the ruby is the most important piece of the Relic."
"Okay," Zee nodded slowly, unsure what to make of all this, "Either this is really a big heavenly thing, or I had way too much to drink last night."
"Trust me, what I'm telling you is perfectly real," Jake said, flashing a smile.
Reverend James returned, clutching something red in his hand. "Here you go, Holy One," he said, handing it to Jake. "The Sacred Heart Ruby," Jake said, holding it up for Zee to see. Zee gazed deep into the ruby and once again became aware of something holy and divine. "Whoa," he exclaimed.
"I have two more requests from you, reverend," Jake told Reverend James, "First of all, I seek permission to recharge my powers inside your church, and secondly, I ask you on all subsequent Sundays leading up to Halloween to get your congregation to pray for the safety of the world. Doing this will at least negate some of the powers of the Satanic forces that may soon engulf the earth."
"My church is yours," Reverend James waved Jake inside.
"Thank you," Jake patted him on the back. He turned to Zee and said, "Stay here. Recharging is not for mortal eyes to see."
"No problem," Zee gave him the OK signal. He shook his head as Jake went inside, wondering what this all entailed in the long run.
In the middle of the aisle, Jake knelt down before the altar. "Holy Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I bow before Thee, give me what I need to serve thy purpose for today," he prayed. At that moment, a radiant beam of light shot down threw the stained-glass window above him onto the cross, which began glowing with charged energy. Jake extended a hand outward, and energy bolted outward from it into his fingers. Jake howled in delight as the enlightenment he was receiving surged through every inch of his body. Electricity shot off out of his sides, destroying several pews, to his non- noticing. Outside, Zee cringed at the sight of the electricity crackling inside the church. "I hope I don't have to do that after I die," he said to himself.
Finally, after about a minute of recharging, the holy powers died down. Jake nodded to the cross and strolled out. "Well, phase one of our mission has been accomplished," he told Zee, "and now I know where the next part of the Relic is."
"Where?" Zee asked him.
"Below a club on the North Side called the Crocodile Rock Cafe," Jake told him. "This works out beautifully for my plan of putting the band back together.
"So what do we do now?"
"We wait here for my brother to show up with the rest of the band," Jake told him, "Which, barring complications, should be in less than a half hour or so."
"Excuse me, birthday clown coming through," Elwood weaved his way through the cops at the 58th precinct. Being among so many officers of the law made him rather nervous, but he considered it a necessary evil to get through to Cabel, even in this stupid clown suit. He saw his office at the far corner of the squad room and started for it.
"Excuse me sir," came the voice of Cabel's adjutant, Lieutenant Eliozar from his right, "Do you have a reason to be visiting the Lieutenant Commander?"
"Um, uh, yeah, I'm uh, here to wish him a happy birthday," Elwood said quickly.
"But his birthday's not for another three months."
"I know, um, we, uh, decided we'd give him a little somethin' ahead of time, just to show him how much we at BirthdayWorld care for him," Elwood explained, hopping it sounded reasonable. Lieutenant Eliozar thought this over for a minute, then nodded and waved him inside. Cabel was over by the window, adjusting some Halloween decorations. "Hey Cab," Elwood addressed him.
"Elwood?" Cabel spun at the familiar voice, "Why the hell are you wearing that dumb suit?"
"Cab, I'm puttin' the band back together again, and we need ya to help us," Elwood told him.
Cabel sighed. "You know, Elwood, I'd really love to, but I really can't. My superiors have kept a close eye on me ever since they brought you in, and they'd kick me out for good if I left again."
"Well this is kinda more important than any job you might hold; ya see, the world's gonna become the devil's playground unless we can find and reassemble this holy relic," Elwood tried to sway him, "And the last thing I want to see is the world end..." he failed to see the cherry picker rising up outside with a hooded Heretic on board. This man pulled out a wand of some kind and pointed it at Cabel. "AGITATO!!" he hissed.
Inside, Cabel immediately became quite beregerent. "What makes you'd think I'd even go around with a low-life punk like you again!?" he snarled, grabbing Elwood by the collar and shaking him violently. "Because of you, I got demoted, I've lost all respect from my superiors, and I have you to blame for it!" he roared.
"Uh, would it help if I said I was sorry?" Elwood asked pitifully. Cabel simply bellowed in rage and tried to choke him to death.
Back at Triple Rock Evangelical, Jake's head perked up. "Uh oh!" he exclaimed.
"What?" Zee asked.
"I'll be right back," Jake zipped off at the speed of light before Zee could get another word in. In seconds he'd arrived just outside Cabel's window. Seeing the situation inside, he pointed his finger at Cabel. "Pacifica!" he shouted. Immediately, Cabel dropped Elwood to the floor and smiled nicely. "Like I said, I'd be happy to join up with you again." He said.
"Huh?" Elwood was now totally confused.
"AGITATO!!" shouted the Heretic outside. Cabel picked Elwood back up and started strangling him again. Jake lunged at the Heretic and started slugging him. "PACIFICA!" he yelled. Cabel dropped Elwood once more and patted him on the shoulder. Jake and the Heretic continued to shout out the magic words as they whaled away at each other, and as he switched back and forth from angry to content repeatedly, Cabel started shaking violently and looked like he was going to divide clean down the middle. Finally, as the shouting reached a crescendo, Cabel simply slit in two with a loud crack of thunder. Elwood tumbled over to the corner. Looking up, he was surprised to see two Cabels before him now, one in police uniform and the other in a Blues Brothers suit. Outside, Jake and the Heretic looked surprised at what had just happened. Jake recovered first and slugged the Heretic clean off the cherry picker. He morphed himself through the window. "Oh damn, I'd hoped it wouldn't have come to this!" he said dismally.
"What the hell just happened, Jake?" Elwood asked his brother.
"He was trying to tap into Cabel's negative feelings for you to use against you," Jake explained, "And I tried to use the positive feelings for you to counteract it, but apparently we both got carried away and split him into both good and evil entities."
"Is that good or bad?" Elwood had to know.
"It's neither, but now unfortunately one of these two personalities will have to win out, and we can't afford that battle to take place right now, because his evil self is stronger right now," Jake picked up the still unconscious good Cabel and took Elwood by the hand. "Hold on tight," he said, and together they leaped out the window to the Bluesmobile below.
"So what the hell happened up there?" Rocky asked Elwood as they rushed up to the car and tossed the prostrate good Cabel into the back seat with Armstrong.
"It's a little long to explain right now," Elwood said hopping in the driver's seat, "This is Jake by the way."
"So you're the famous Joliet Jake," Mack said with more than a little skepticism in his voice.
"That's me, McTier, now get in and let me push," Jake closed the door behind him, ran to the back of the Bluesmobile and starting pushing it up the road at the speed of sound. Elwood couldn't believe how they were able to go so fast and not hit anyone or anything. A mere ten seconds later, they pulled up in front of Triple Rock Evangelical. And someone else was waiting for them there besides Zee....
"Elwood!" came Latifah's rather stern voice. Elwood jumped a bit at the sound of it. "What're you doin' here, Latifah?" he asked her.
"Why did you escape, Elwood!?" Latifah demanded, "By doing this, you've just ruined any leverage we might have had. Come with me, I'm taking you back."
"But we're on a mission from God!" Elwood protested.
"I don't care what your excuse is this time, I have to turn you in!" Latifah insisted.
Jake stepped in front of her. "You will not turn Elwood in," he said, waving his hand in front of her like Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I will not turn Elwood in," Latifah said, trance-like.
"You will book the Blues Brothers Band into the Crocodile Rock Café for tomorrow night."
"I will book the Blues Brothers Band into the Crocodile Rock Café for tomorrow night.
"And you're wearing my underwear."
"And I'm wearing your underwear." Elwood shot Jake a look at this one. "I just had to do it," Jake chuckled, then waved Latifah off with, "You'll be going now."
"I'll be going now," Latifah climbed into her Cadillac and drove off.
"So Jake, where'd you learn the Force?" Mack asked him with a laugh.
"Psycho-hypnotism, it's a standard angelic feature," Jake explained. Noticing Zee standing nearby, he said, "I think it's time you all met my blood brother. Zee Papageorge, ,meet my other brother Elwood Blues and the Blues Brothers.
"Pleasure," Elwood said, shaking Zee's hand, "I'm Elwood, this is Rocky the Mountain, Mighty Mack, and Armstrong the Blues Dog. And out cold in the back's Cabel."
"Uh, nice to meet you all," Zee said. "Um, Jake was saying you were going to perform tomorrow night?"
"We've locked up the first piece of the Relic, Elwood," Jake showed him the Sacred Heart Ruby, "And the second's at the Crocodile Rock Café on the North Side. Now all we have to do is round up your little friend and we'll be all set to get the Band itself.
"Well ya know, Jake, we'll haveta go through the Penguin to get to Buster," Elwood informed him.
"Ah, she doesn't scare me anymore," Jake scoffed, "Come on, let's go get him.
About a half hour later, Elwood found himself knocking hesitantly on the door of Mother Mary Stigmata's office. "Enter!" she ordered. Elwood slipped inside. "Uh, Mother, I..." he began. Mother Stigmata immediately grabbed her stick and hit him in the head. "Ow, what was that for!?" he shouted, "I didn't even say anything yet, damn it!"
Mother Stigmata hit him again, this time on the shoulder. "How dare you come back here Elwood Blues, after everything you did to brainwash poor innocent little Buster!" she bellowed.
"Yeah, well, uh, that was just a little misunderstanding..." Elwood tried to say, but Mother Stigmata hit him again on the shoulder. "Cut it out you fat Penguin!" he yelled, bringing about a half dozen hits in quick succession. It was then that Jack came into the office. "My dear Penguin, I ask you on the order of God to ease up on Elwood here," he told her. "Nice try, Elwood," Mother Stigmata snapped at him, "but this phony Jake person doesn't fool me in the least!"
"Oh ye of little faith," Jake chuckled and once again lowered his dark glasses to reveal the light within his eyes. Mother Stigmata was immediately taken aback by her error. "I'm terribly sorry, Jake," she stammered, looking both at awe to be in the presence of true holiness and disgusted that she'd actually be talking this way to Jake, who'd been one of her least favorite orphans. "To what do I owe this visit from the heavens?"
"Uh, we're just here for Buster," Elwood told her, "So now that you know we want him for a good thing, we'll just borrow him for the next two weeks and be on our way."
Mother Stigmata's expression went surprisingly sad. "It pains me to tell you this, Elwood," she told him, "but Buster was abducted from here along with the rest of our orphans about two weeks ago."
WHAT!?" Elwood was aghast. "Howe did that happen?"
"It was the work of Tyrone Terrell," Mother Stigmata told him.
"Terrell," Elwood thought over where he'd heard the name before, "Ain't he the biggest drug dealer in the tri-state area."
"Yes," Mother Stigmata said. "One night myself and the other sisters here at the hospital heard the orphans screaming in the night, and when we came down to assist them, we found their rooms completely empty. From the note Terrell's associates left us, he plans to use them to aid in the sorting and manufacturing of his unholy wares."
"Well can't the cops do anything about this!?"
"We notified them, but missing orphans aren't exactly a high priority for them," Mother Stigmata conceded. "And while we're on the subject of Buster, Elwood, I think there's something else about him you should know. His father stopped by last week. He wants custody of his son, and we had little recourse but to grant it." "Wait a minute, his father?" Elwood was feeling totally out of the loop now, "You never told me nothin' about him havin' a father!" "We thought he'd died in a drunk driving accident six year ago, but he had been spending that time at the Betty Ford Clinic, getting over the alcoholism that had caused the state to take custody of Buster from him in the first place," Mother Stigmata explained. "He has now cleaned up his life and gotten a respectable job. It is therefore right that he get custody of his son back." "Well what about Buster? What does he think about it?" "He was taken before his father arrived, but I'm sure he would agree it would be all for the best," Mother Stigmata said. "And so I'm asking you not to interfere with the transition of custody, Elwood . His father can provide a better life for him than you can."
"Oh sure, screw over the ex-con who the kid really loves," Elwood muttered sarcastically. Mother Stigmata hit him with her stick in the most painful of all areas. "YEEOOWWW!" he yelled, "Now that wasn't fair, you son of a...."
Mother Stigmata cracked him in the mouth before he could finish the curse. "Now remove yourself from my office!" she barked.
"You know, ,you may claim to know God, but you're just as blind as any big businessman out there," Jake snarled at her as he turned to leave. Mother Stigmata whacked him on the back in closing.
"What're we gonna do?" Elwood lamented as they headed down the stairs, "I heard of Tyrone Terrell's reputation. Poor Buster don't stand a chance in his system. And what if he don't like his real Dad?"
"You really do care for him, don't you Elwood?" Jake asked him, looking dead serious.
"Yeah, I really do," Elwood nodded, "He almost is like a son to me. And although it sounds strange, I actually want one now, and I'd like it to be him."
"Well don't worry Elwood, I'll find him and free both him and the other orphans from the bonds of slavery," Jake told him firmly.
"How? He could be anywhere now."
"Give me a moment of silence," Jake closed his eyes and made like he was concentrating very hard. After about twenty seconds, he smiled and said, "You're not going to believe this, Elwood. He's at the old glue factory you used to work for."
"Really?" Elwood was surprised and impressed, "How'd you figure that out?"
"Now that's a trade secret I can't reveal, Elwood," Jake said, "but let's go tell the guys that we strike tonight, and that we need their help."