Author's Note: I am back with another chapter! It's not quite as long as the last one, so I'm sure your eyes thank me. I am so overwhelmed by the response this story still gets. I got a record number of 67 reviews the last chapter! 67! That is absolutely insane, and it means so much to me. I am so happy that I have been able to give you all a story that you're enjoying and feel invested in. There are 319 alerts set up for this story and it has been added to some of your favorites 284 times. That blows my mind that so many of you all love this story as much as I do, because I really do. This is like my baby. I hold it so dear to my heart. I've put in a lot of time and effort with it, and I'm glad that so many of you are enjoying it so much. As always, I need to thank my amazing beta. She's been great these last few chapters, helping me sort through so many things. We've gotten some big stuff laid out and I would not be able to make nearly as cohesive of a story if I did not have her help. She rocks!
Chapter 27
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I got no excuse
The bedroom was filled in a thick silence as Caroline and Damon stared at each other. Neither knew what else to say. So, when Sawyer stirred in his sleep, they both happily took the distraction. Caroline crept over to the bed to see if he was waking up, but when he made no other movements, she sighed in relief and stepped away from the bed. "I think I would've cried if he woke up," she quietly revealed.
"How long does he usually nap for?"
"Probably about two hours, but the schedule is all messed up today." She whimpered pitifully and shook her head. "How come when your dad was doling out all these words of wisdom during my pregnancy, he never actually gave any advice about anything? No one tells you about the days when your kid just cries for no reason. So you freak out, because you think that something has to be wrong. Why would your child be crying otherwise? But nothing is wrong, and all I can do is listen to him cry until he finally falls asleep, and it sucks." Tears glistened in her blue eyes. "Do you know how much of a failure I feel like when my son is upset and I can't fix it?"
Even though Damon didn't have a child, he knew what it felt like to not be in control. She felt helpless and like she must be doing something wrong, but she didn't know how to fix it. He knew firsthand how much that sucked to not know how to change something or make it better, but relaying this knowledge to her would take them down a road they couldn't go down today. He had to settle for trying to comfort her and hope that it would do the trick.
"You're not a failure," he assured her. "I see you with him, and you're great. You and Stefan are both great. It's just been a rough day."
She laughed before quickly covering her mouth with her hand. "That's such an understatement," she said from behind it.
"Yeah, you're probably right," he agreed. "When I proposed to Andie, I really didn't picture my wedding day being like this."
"Did you even imagine you'd have a wedding day when you proposed to her?" Caroline fired back quickly; in only a tone that Caroline could carry and not leave him wanting to wring her neck. If Stefan had just asked the same question, he'd probably punch him.
"I wouldn't have proposed to her if I didn't."
Caroline narrowed her eyes and looked at him as if she were trying to see into his soul. "I don't get you sometimes, Damon. Some days you're just a complete enigma."
"I don't see how that's bad." He smirked at her. "Most men like being a little mysterious."
"With the women they're tying to get into bed. Last time I checked, you don't want to bed me, and if you do, I can promise you that my looks are totally deceiving right now. I gave birth three months ago; this put-together appearance is all a smoke show. There's nothing hot or attractive under this outfit."
Damon chuckled at Caroline's musings that once used to sound like nails on a chalkboard. Now, they sounded like something akin to background noise. He was so used to them now that they simply didn't bother them. They were almost somewhat of a comfort to him now. Her habit of rambling, jumping from one subject to the other before everyone even comprehended what her first subject really was about, was now an endearing trait of hers, a trait that he now enjoyed. Not enough to want to sleep with her, though.
"If I've translated this correctly, you're telling me that I shouldn't be a mystery to you because I'm not trying to sleep with you. Am I right?" She gleefully smiled and nodded her head. "So, how exactly am I so mysterious?"
"Looking at you is something like looking at a person with a split personality disorder." He opened his mouth in protest, but she quickly held her hand up to let her get her thought out. "Some days you seem completely normal, completely Damon. Then there are the days where you look like you don't know what the hell your life has become, or how you even got here. You spend all your time telling us one thing, but rarely does it match up with what we see. So, again, I don't get you sometimes."
"There's really not much to get."
"You think I'm stupid, don't you?" she questioned, with a bite to her voice.
He was taken aback by the question, unsure of where it was coming from. He'd once thought she hadn't been the brightest crayon in the box, but he realized now that she was brilliant, just in a different way than most people knew to look for. "I don't think you're stupid. I think you see a lot more than most of us would rather, which means getting a running commentary from you that we don't want. So, just because everyone tries to ignore you, it doesn't mean we think you're stupid."
Caroline toyed with her necklace around her neck, sliding it back and forth as she contemplated her words. "Let's try this commentary," she started out slowly. "I'm not blind, but you think I am. You think I didn't see half of what really went on this past year, but I did. I know a lot more happened with you and Elena than met the eye. I saw the smaller crowd because you and her were both off doing whatever it was you did. I saw the looks. I saw the jealousy and the anger and the gut wrenching pain. I saw all of that, Damon, and that's why you're confusing. We're standing here getting ready for your wedding with Andie, a whole other story has been written involving the three of you that I don't think either of them really know about." She took a small step toward him, tilting her head back to maintain eye contact. "I get that I'm not the smartest person in the world, or that I tend to push what I want for everyone over what everyone else tells me they want, but I'm damn observant. And what I've observed over this past year paints a very different story than you're trying to tell. Give me some credit for that."
An offensive beeping noise reverberated in Damon's brain, causing him to groan in annoyance. He was far too tired and comfortable to hear any such noise so early in the morning. He waved his hand out next to him, banging it down to try and silence the noise. "Make it stop," he groaned. "Make it go away."
A pained grunt sounded from beside him, and soon Andie was complaining, "Stop it, you're not at your place." She shoved his arm away from her, and nowhere near soon enough, after some rustling in the bed, the room fell silent again. "You're going to break my ribs doing that one day."
He and Andie had been staying at each other's places more than normal lately, but his mind hadn't quite adjusted. At least once a week, the alarm would sound and, thinking it was his alarm, he would try to turn it off, but end up hitting Andie instead. Needless to say, this did not make her happy. However, he wasn't very fond of what time her alarm went off either, so they came out on even footing. He could handle six in the morning, but Andie's five a.m. alarm pushed the envelope too far for him.
In as manly a way as possible, Damon whimpered and buried his head beneath his pillow. "You turn on the light and I will break all the lights in your room," he threatened.
He felt a smooth hand run down his bare back. "You are less of a morning person now than you were in college."
"Cause I'm old," he informed her. "Wake me up when you're almost ready."
They'd been dating long enough now to form a routine for the mornings they woke up together. She would wake up at the ungodly hour of five, he would moan and complain until she disappeared into the bathroom for the next hour to go about getting ready, and after she was mostly ready, she'd wake him up to get ready. She would then finish getting ready while he showered, bid him goodbye with a quick kiss once he was out, and then grab a quick breakfast for herself before running off to work.
It was simple and consistent, something he hadn't had in his life in a long time. After a year of waking up with little to no memory of how he'd spent his previous night, it was nice to wake up and know exactly how he'd ended up in his bed or Andie's. She grounded him on the days when he wanted nothing more than to forget about everything and bury it all in a bottle of scotch.
When they went to the Hamptons last month to celebrate Stefan's birthday, he thought he'd lost that. When the truth came out during the breakfast from hell, he'd been sure that they were over. She hadn't been just mad at him for lying to her; she'd been devastated. They'd known each other for over ten years. He wasn't supposed to lie to her, but he had. She'd trusted him and he betrayed that. The fight had been unlike anything he'd ever thought he would have with her. Sure, they got frustrated with each other, but they didn't fight like they had that day, and when she packed up her bags and stormed out of the house, he'd thought that was it.
Somehow, Elena had come through with what could only be described as a hail Mary pass, and turned everything around. For some reason, her apology and subsequent explanation had done something to help him out. As he had been trying to figure out a way to fix things with Andie, it had never crossed his mind that Elena could be the key to it, but she was. It opened up the door for him to try and explain things to Andie the best that he could, but he knew they both realized he didn't do a very good job at that.
After he convinced her to come back inside, they'd spent hours in their bedroom, talking and a little bit of crying from her. He tried to open up to her, but it had been hard. Elena had been right when she said that he didn't know how to give Andie answers when he didn't really have any himself. As much as he loathed acknowledging it, Elena had been telling the truth. There really weren't answers that he had. When he'd thrown Elena out that fateful night two years ago, he locked the door on any hope of understanding what had truly happened.
So, while his explanations hadn't offered much comfort to Andie, they provided her enough hope that he was trying. In all the time they'd known each other, that's all she'd ever wanted from him. She just wanted him to put an effort into things. If she was going to stick it out with him, he would try.
Sometime later, he felt a hand on his shoulder as Andie shook him. "Damon, come on, time to get up."
"Ugh, let me stay in bed. No work today."
She chuckled lightly and pulled the pillow off of his head. "You don't mean that. Besides, your father is going to be at dinner tonight. Think how much worse it will be if you don't go to work and he lectures you the entire time."
"Fine." He sat up and threw the covers from his body. "You win. I'll go to work, but don't think I like it," he threatened, but then smiled and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to her lips. "Morning," he whispered, letting his hand skim over her lower back.
"Good morning." She smiled against his lips and relished in the moment for a short time before pulling away and playfully slapping his shoulder. "Now stop distracting me and get ready. I can't be late today."
"I hate your job," he griped as he allowed her to slip from his grasp. "You work too much."
She threw a disbelieving look over her shoulder as she wandered back into her bathroom. "You're one to talk. You may have toned it down recently, but you work as much as I do."
"Nearly half of my work involves dinners and parties where I get to consume alcohol. Your job requires you to stay sober and write more in one week than I've written in a year." He turned on the shower in her bathroom and turned to meet her eyes in the mirror as she applied her makeup. "Not to mention, it's keeping you from coming to dinner with me tonight and charming the pants off my father."
"Your father barely likes me, and the only reason he does is because I'm from a respectable family."
"Let's not push it," he teased. "Your father is a politician."
"Who hasn't been caught in a scandal, thank you very much."
Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he removed his boxers and said, "As of right now."
Andie's father being a politician was somewhat of a point of contention for them. When he met Andie, her father had just won a seat in the Senate, and he was adamantly against the apple of his eye dating Damon, no matter how much money his family had. So, when they finally did start dating, her father was livid. Damon had never been a fan favorite with parents of the girls he dated, but he was the scum of the earth for her father. Granted, he wasn't anything good for Andie at the time, so he couldn't really blame the guy. He cheated on her more than once during their relationship, a fact that she was very well aware of, but they were young and stupid. They made dumb decisions and reacted to them with even dumber ones.
Their dumbest one had come right after they graduated from Yale. Her father found her a job in Washington, and she agreed to take it. He knew she wouldn't like it. She didn't know anyone there, and he told her that, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to find a job at a paper that good without her father's help, and he wouldn't help her stay with Damon. It lead to bad choices on his part because he was naïve and wanted her to come to New York with him, even though he hadn't treated her well during their relationship. So, they broke up, classified their romance as a college fling, and went on their separate ways.
They would see each other from time to time when she came to town for business, but their friendship didn't recover for a long time. Even though they would joke around and have fun when they saw each other, it wasn't until after Elena left that things returned to how they had been before they got together. Maybe that was why he was with Andie again. It had been the natural progression in college, but he hadn't been mature enough to handle a real relationship then. This time, he was older, had lived a little, and knew what a relationship took. Granted, just because he knew, didn't mean he always did it, but the knowledge was there. Maybe this time could be different. Even if things hadn't ended on perfect terms in college, no hearts had been broken. Outside of the typical college dramatics, she had been the easiest relationship he'd ever had. After the debacle with Katherine and the complete and utter disaster that was Elena, he needed easy. Andie gave him that.
"How about we not talk about my father so early in the morning?" she questioned as he stepped into the shower. "That is all completely beside the point anyway. I know you want me at dinner tonight, but I have to follow up on a lead for a story. She's a nervous woman, and I'm letting her call the shots for now. I can't afford to lose this story."
"If I ruin my relationship with my brother because I punch my father or do something equally as horrible, I will blame you."
"Caroline and your brother are announcing whether they're having a boy or a girl, don't ruin that for them. And you know that's exactly why I don't need to be there tonight."
After the class five hurricane that was Stefan's birthday weekend, Andie had mostly steered clear of his family and friends, and he couldn't blame her. She wasn't mad at anyone. No, that honor was saved specifically for him. She was just nervous to be around them. Once she began to understand the magnitude of how badly things had ended with Elena, she didn't know if it was best for her to be around. There was an odd version of the Cold War going on amongst all the aspects of his life and it wasn't fun.
"You can't avoid them forever, Andie. They all like you just fine. It's me everyone always has a problem with."
"I told Elena that girls don't look back on their relationships and get upset that they don't have a baby. I looked like the biggest idiot on the planet!"
As he washed the shampoo out of his hair, Damon realized he'd opened a complete can of worms by bringing up the dinner tonight. He should've known Elena was the real reason Andie really didn't want to go. If there was one person she especially didn't want to see after that weekend, it was Elena. It had been one thing to be around her when she thought the relationship had ended amicably, but knowing how it really ended changed everything. Andie had been under the impression that Katherine was the ex to worry about. She didn't feel that way anymore.
"Trust me, I was the one that looked like an idiot that weekend. I have gotten lectures galore from my brother and Caroline. You weren't even a blip on the radar."
"Oh well," he heard her sigh. "It's a moot point anyway. I'm not making an excuse when I say that I can't go. I really can't go. I have to get this story before someone else does."
Finished with his quick shower, he turned off the water and stepped out of the steamy enclosure. He wrapped the towel around his hips and met her eyes in the mirror again. "Just promise that you're going to stop avoiding things from now on. Okay?"
Andie closed her lipstick and turned around to face him. With a pensive look on her face, she crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Just don't lie to me again. It doesn't help anyone when you throw me into those situations completely clueless of what's going on around me. I look stupid and I'm not stupid."
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
She slowly shook her head and looked down at the floor. "I don't want to have to act like you're a lead I'm investigating for a story, Damon. I shouldn't have to be an investigative journalist with you. You're my boyfriend."
"And you won't," he swore, sliding up in front of her and resting his hands low on her hips. "I should've told you sooner, but you know the truth now. I won't lie to you again."
"No lies?" she questioned, looking up to meet his gaze.
"No lies."
"Do I have anything to be worried about with Elena?" The question was so blunt and out of left field that Damon stumbled back. Dressed in her work attire and her hair pulled back in that high ponytail, she looked every bit the investigative journalist she was.
"So much for not treating me like a lead in your story," he scoffed.
"You're deflecting."
"And you're asking a ridiculous question. She ran off to Chicago with no warning. Elena is the last person I want to be with."
Andie smiled tightly and shook her head, telling Damon that he hadn't given her the correct answer at all, but he didn't know what the right one would be. He didn't want to be with Elena. He wanted to be with her. That's what mattered, right?
"I need to go to work, but I'll call you later, see how the dinner went."
She turned to leave, but he grabbed her hand and twisted her back around. "Are we okay?"
"As long as you're honest with me we'll be fine." She pulled her arm from his grasp and stepped away from him. "I really do need to go. Lock up when you leave."
When he heard the door to Andie's apartment close minutes later he knew that the conversation wasn't over. It may be dormant for a while, maybe even a few months, but it wasn't over, and that was exactly why he hadn't told her about everything with Elena. If they had discussed Elena that one weekend and let it go, things would be fine, but he hated talking about the ex. He'd had to do it with Elena from time to time, and it had been frustrating. Talking about Elena to Andie was just excruciating. None of his answers would satisfy her. No answers about an ex ever satisfied the current girlfriend.
Instead of letting his thoughts wander too much about Elena and Andie and any subsequent conversations that would surely come, he blocked it all from his mind. He threw himself into his work just like he had every day since he got back from his "extended vacation" as his father had called it. He handled meetings and pitching ideas, and all without having to deal with girl problems or his father. All in all, his day was turning out quite well, but he knew it would all take a turn when he went to his brother's place for dinner.
When he let himself into Stefan and Caroline's penthouse, he could already smell the roast that was cooking, and he found his brother and sister-in-law cuddled on the couch with an odd device pressed to her stomach. "Tell your child to stop moving so I can find the heartbeat," Caroline demanded of Stefan.
"What the hell are you two doing?" Damon rounded the couch and deposited his jacket over the back.
The couple jumped in surprise at the sound of his voice. "We have a doorbell, you know," Caroline complained.
"Cause you don't ever let yourself into my place." He dropped down to the large sectional couch and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Again, I ask, what the hell are you two doing? You look like freaks."
Caroline glanced down at her exposed stomach. "Trying to find the heartbeat."
"What?"
She rolled her eyes in annoyance and held up the white device in her hands. "This little thing called a doppler lets us hear the heartbeat, but the baby won't quit moving around."
"There is no way you can tell if the baby is moving," Stefan told her.
"I can too," she protested. "You're just jealous cause you can't."
"Okay," Damon held his hands up in a surrendering motion, "I'm sorry I even asked. You two are clearly out of your minds."
"Whatever." Caroline grabbed the towel from Stefan's hands and quickly wiped her stomach before pulling her shirt down. "We'll just do this later, since you're all judgmental and rude!"
"I'm not judgmental, you two are just crazy." He relaxed back into the cushions and rested his arms behind his head. "So, what is it? Are you having a boy or a girl?"
Caroline narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm not telling you anything. You'll have to find out along with everyone else."
Damon sighed. "You're gonna be completely obnoxious until you tell us, aren't you?"
She happily nodded her head. "Yup!"
He grimaced at the thought of all of the hoops that Caroline would surely make everyone jump through before she finally told everyone whether it was a boy or a girl. On the thought of everyone, he asked, "Who exactly is coming tonight?"
Stefan and Caroline shared a nervous look before Stefan jumped right in. "Dad, Mason, Whitney, Bonnie, and Elena."
"Do you want to relive getting my stomach pumped?"
Stefan tensed at the mention of Damon's alcohol poisoning. "You know I don't like jokes like that."
"Well, how did you think I'd react to sharing a room with all of them?
"I'd think that you'd be excited to find out whether you're having a niece or a nephew and let all of your other issues go for one night. That's what I thought."
"Hey," Caroline intervened and ran a calming hand across Stefan's back, "Let's all try and be nice tonight. Damon, things are better with your dad right now. Mason and you do actually like each other, though you'd both loathe to admit it. And if you can't suck it up and be in the same room as Elena after what she did for you with Andie, then you're an asshole."
"Let's not get carried away. One good deed doesn't change what she did two years ago."
"But it's something," Caroline insisted firmly. "She's trying, Damon. We just need you to try for one night. Okay?"
As he watched Caroline reason with him in the best way she knew how, with her hand resting on her now rounded stomach, and her legs draped over his brother's, he knew that he had to give her what she wanted. It would be hard to be civil around her on tonight of all nights, when old wounds were only going to get reopened with the announcement of the gender, but it was a big night for Stefan and Caroline. All they wanted was a little support and effort, and right now they were asking for it from the one person that could mess up the entire night. It all rested on him tonight.
"I'll play nice," he finally agreed. "No rude comments, no fighting, no excessive drinking. I promise to act like a decent human being."
Caroline heaved a hefty sigh, a relieved smile on her face. "That's all we ask for."
Lies!
It had all been a pack of lies!
Caroline had looked him in the eyes and promised that the only thing she asked of him that night was to be nice. There had been no agreements of his participation in stupid games where everyone was supposed to guess whether it was a girl or a boy. He had not agreed to give suggestions for names. He had not agreed to place bets on when the baby would be born. He did not sign up for game night when he came over. He agreed to dinner, a few glasses of scotch, finding out what they were having, and not making anyone cry. That was it. So, how was it he'd now found himself sitting on their couch with a stupid notepad on his lap, waiting for the next instructions on what they were to do before they could find out whether it was a boy or a girl?
"Damon Jr. does not count as an optional choice to put down for name suggestions." Stefan looked up from the sheet that Damon had given him with all of his name ideas. Apparently, they weren't allowed though.
"Hey, I think Damon is a great name. It's worked out great for me."
"You're not trying!" Caroline whined and snatched the paper form her husband's hands. He watched her skim over his list, her eyes widening more with each passing moment. "I'm not naming my kid Damona!"
"Hey, that could be a great name for a girl!"
She balled up the piece of paper and threw it at his head. "No more suggestions from you."
"Oh, thank god!" he exclaimed in joy, tossing his notepad and pen in the air for dramatic affect. "Does this mean we can find out now?"
"You are so impatient," she complained. "It's coming soon."
"That's what you said an hour ago!"
"Even though it kills a part of my soul to say this, I agree with Damon," Bonnie spoke up from the other end of the couch. After she got the words out, she quickly grimaced and shook her head. "That hurt."
Elena snickered and brought her hand up to cover her mouth as she turned away from everyone. She'd appeared to be in a good mood tonight, spending most of the evening close to Bonnie. Since she'd returned, Bonnie had been like her Siamese twin, completely attached at her hip. There was rarely one around without the other, and Bonnie played a fierce protector. After how he'd revealed Caroline's pregnancy, he could hardly look at Elena without getting a piercing glare from her pint-sized friend.
He'd given her no reason to glare at him tonight though. No, he'd been the picture of a perfect gentleman. There had been no snide remarks toward Elena, or anything resembling sarcasm. He had simply avoided speaking to her at all costs. If she was a part of a discussion, he wasn't, and if she joined it, he left. He knew that if he talked to her, he'd only say something that would upset her and then get everyone else mad at him. He also wasn't angling for another shot to his nose from her. Looks were certainly deceiving. The girl had some power in her right arm, even if she didn't know how to throw a proper punch.
"Okay, fine, are you ready to know if it's a boy or a girl?" Caroline questioned, a wide smile across her face that conveyed she wouldn't be able to hold the truth in for much longer. He suspected her games had been more of an abuse of her power than of any desire to really get their input on anything. If there was one thing she loved, it was being the center of attention, and with the news she had tonight, she certainly got it.
"Oh, just give it up already, Blondie," Damon said, exasperated with the waiting game. "Just tell us and get it over with."
"I think what my son is trying to say is that we would love to know the news," Giuseppe spoke up from his place a few feet down the couch.
Damon rolled his eyes, but kept his comments to himself. Seeing how his father behaved around Caroline was equal parts disgusting and confusing. The man who had never met a girlfriend that his sons dated and liked her, suddenly became a normal person around Caroline. He smiled and engaged in normal conversations. It was a complete mind fuck to watch, even four years later.
"Thank you, Giuseppe," Caroline smiled brightly in his direction. "So, you all ready?"
When everyone groaned, Stefan lightly squeezed Caroline's hip. "I think they're ready, honey."
"Okay!" Caroline bounced slightly in giddy anticipation, almost as if she was about to find out the gender for herself. Finally, she put everyone out of their misery and revealed, "We're having a boy!"
As everyone began to react to the news, Damon's eyes fell on Elena. Her face was blank as the words sunk in, and then, just for a moment, the briefest flash of agony crossed her features. Before anyone could notice, a bright smile spread over her face and her eyes lit up with immeasurable joy. She jumped to her feet and threw her arms around Caroline at the same moment that Bonnie did, all three women tangling together in a web of arms and tears. "Congratulations!" she exclaimed.
Damon forced his gaze away from the women before anyone could question him on what he was staring at. He instead focused his attention on his brother, who was currently being congratulated by their father. With a smile on his face, he approached them. "How many years did you tack back onto your life once you found out it was a boy?"
Stefan laughed for a moment before saying, "At least fifteen."
"You're so lucky you have me as a brother. This kid is going to need me around to teach him the really important things about being a man."
"And there they go again," Stefan said. "You're never to be around my child without supervision."
Damon scoffed. "You're just scared he'll totally realize how cool I am and want to live with me."
Giuseppe thought it wise to cut in at this moment. "For your sake, I hope your son is nothing like your brother when he was born."
"And here I thought I'd just grown into a disappointment," Damon deadpanned. "Turns out I was just born one."
"Damon," his father chastised, "I didn't mean it like that. You didn't allow me to finish."
"Oh, by all means then." He swept his arm out in front of him, as if giving his father the floor.
"I was going to say you had colic. You cried for hours every night for months. Nothing your mother or I did calmed you down. Why do you think it took us four years to have your brother?"
"So, basically Damon was a pain in the ass straight out of the womb?" Stefan joked, earning a glare from Damon.
"I don't think anyone ever questioned anything to the contrary," Damon pointed out. "And besides, I don't remember you being so fun when you were a baby. You threw up all over everything."
"Probably because I saw your face." Damon playfully punched his brother, knowing their barbs were all in good jest. Neither really knew how to properly convey when they were happy for each other. The only thing they could do was make fun of each other. Their maturity levels were obviously above and beyond anyone else on the planet.
Mason came over next to Stefan and threw his arm around Stefan's neck. "For your sake, I hope your baby takes after your wife, cause we know your money is the only thing that landed you someone as hot as Caroline."
Stefan laughed and struggled free from Mason. "I think you have my marriage mistaken for yours. My pretty face was what drew her in."
"And those muscles," Caroline piped in from the other side of the living room, where she was currently surrounded by all the women and showing them baby clothes she'd already broken out.
As torturous as the past two hours had been, seeing his brother practically levitate from sheer happiness made it all worth it. The dull ache in his gut couldn't keep him from being happy for his brother. He knew how much Stefan and Caroline had wanted this, so he wanted it for them, even if he never got to have it for himself.
So, for the next hour, he smiled and said all the right things. He picked on Caroline when the situation called for it. He teased his brother mercilessly. He even had a civil conversation with his dad. He hit all the right notes and played the perfect part of the supportive brother, but it hurt like hell. As much as he hated to admit it, he got it when he saw the look on Elena's face. In that moment, he felt that same devastation. They'd never made it that far, and that would hurt for the rest of his life, no matter how happy he was for Stefan.
When he knew he was reaching his limit and began feeling claustrophobic, he quietly disappeared from the living room, hoping no one would notice his absence for a few minutes. With a quick look around him to make sure no one could see him, Damon slipped into the guest bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him. He needed a few moments away from everything. And he needed more alcohol. He turned on his heel, intent to remedy his problem, but he was quickly met with Elena's back. She sat on the bed, her head hung low as she slowly breathed in and out.
Apparently he hadn't been the only one with this idea.
"I threw up on that." At the sound of his voice, Elena startled and then looked down at the bed before jumping to her feet. He chuckled at the distorted look on her face. "Don't worry, they've redecorated since then."
Her face relaxed a bit at his words, but she wore a look of confusion. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Escaping," he answered easily while going over to the dresser. "What's your excuse?" He turned his back to her and opened the bottom drawer of the dresser. He pulled out a few boxes of old wedding presents Caroline and Stefan had received and unveiled his trusty stash of scotch. With a triumphant smile, he held the bottle up and kissed it. "I've missed you," he said to the amber colored liquid. It had been ages since he'd hidden any alcohol in the guest room and he hadn't known if it would still be around.
"You're hoarding alcohol at your brother's?" Elena's dumbfounded voice pulled him from his happy reunion with the bottle of scotch.
"Have you met Caroline?" He twisted the top off the bottle and began to pour it into his empty glass. Lifting his head slightly, he met her eyes in the mirror just as she opened her mouth to speak. "That's rhetorical by the way."
She sighed and he could see her gaze slide to the door. "I should go. I've been back here a while."
He turned and watched her slowly walk toward the door, but before she could leave, he said, "I saw your reaction when Caroline said it was a boy."
She froze at his words, her hand hovering above the doorknob. "What reaction? I was happy. I am happy."
"Before that." He took a slow sip of his beverage, mulling over his next words. "I saw the look on your face."
Her back stiffened and she dropped her hand to her side. "What's your point?" She twisted on her heel and looked over at him leaning casually against the dresser. "If you're trying to say I'm not really happy, I am. She's my best friend. I'm ecstatic for her."
"Maybe," he allowed with a shrug of his shoulders. "But you're also devastated."
"I'm still happy," she insisted.
"I'm not saying you aren't. I'm just telling you what I saw."
"What's your game, Damon? You going to go tell Caroline I'm maybe having a moment of being upset that it's not me? You won't just hurt me if you do that; you'll hurt Caroline too. She'll feel horrible."
"Calm down, I'm not going to tell anyone anything. There's no game I'm playing. I guess what I'm trying to say in my halfway drunken stupor is that I get it, okay?"
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Really?" she questioned with a hint of annoyance. "You get it? Tell me, what is it that you get?"
"That it sucks," he answered bluntly. "As happy I am for my brother and Caroline it fucking sucks." She nervously crossed her arms over her chest and averted her eyes. "What? Didn't think I cared?"
"I don't know what to think where you're concerned," she admitted quietly. "I have no idea what's going on in your head."
"I think you don't care. My feelings didn't have any room in your determination to shut everyone out."
"That's not true." She fervently shook her head. "I wasn't lying when I told Andie it was my fault. What happened with us is my fault. I was selfish when I left, but I did care. I still do."
"If you cared so much, then why did you leave? You told Andie you didn't give me any answers then, give them to me now."
Either the alcohol was really starting to set in or Damon had officially lost his mind, because there was no logical reason for opening up this wound with Elena. Nothing she said would change anything. All the answers in the world wouldn't matter, but he still wanted to know. He wanted to hear what she had to say, what she could possibly come up with to justify why she'd done what she did.
She slowly walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. He could see her slowly sifting through information in her head, unsure of where to start. "I hated myself," she finally whispered. "I felt like I was drowning in it all and I didn't know a way out. I didn't even have the will to feed myself most days. The thought of trying to be there for you felt suffocating. I couldn't take care of myself, how could I do anything for you that wouldn't bring you down with me? I thought I had to do it on my own. I thought I'd only mess everything up for all of you, so I told myself that Chicago was my only option. By the time reality set in, I was stuck. I couldn't come home."
"I didn't want you to take care of me, Elena," he groaned in exasperation, repeating the words he'd said to her more than a dozen times before she fled to Chicago. A part of him wanted to walk over to her and shake her until some form of sense would sink into her dense head. "I just wanted you to be there."
"I didn't know how," she choked out. "I was depressed and I spent my days second guessing everything about me and our relationship."
"Us?" he questioned in confusion. "What was there to question about us?"
"I started wondering if everything was real, or if we'd convinced ourselves it was because I got pregnant. I didn't know what to think anymore. Everything was a mess in my head."
"Everything was real with us," he hissed. "You're stupid if you convinced yourself otherwise."
"I was stupid," she readily agreed. "Of course I was stupid. I didn't know how to handle what was happening."
"God, you act like you were completely alone, Elena. You had Caroline. You had Bonnie. You had me."
"I know that!" she exclaimed softly. "I was barely 23 years old, Damon. Are you telling me that you really would have been equipped to handle everything at 23? By your own admission, you were 24 before you could even handle only being with one woman."
Her words quickly took the air out of his sails. She was right. There was no way he had been ready for that at her age. Just this morning he was thinking of how stupid he'd been after he graduated. That was why his relationship with Andie had ended. Neither had been prepared for all that a serious relationship would entail. He hadn't held that against her, but he held everything against Elena.
"I wasn't," he finally said. "You're right, okay? Hell, if I'd been your age when you got pregnant, I probably would have been the guy you thought I was and given you money to get rid of it or simply abandoned you."
"So why is it so unfathomable to you that I was young and I made a mistake? Now, at 25, I wouldn't do that, but at 23, I was scared out of my mind." He looked at her with her pleading eyes and a sense of desperation for him to just hear what she was saying. Something inside of him wanted to tell her that he did hear her. He did understand what she was saying on some level, but then she spoke again, and jerked him straight back down to earth. "I said it all in my letter, that I was scared and how sorry I was. I tried to explain things then. I guess I didn't do a good job."
The reminder of the letter took him back to the day after she left, when he woke up after having his stomach pumped, broken and angry. Caroline had given him the letter in some futile hope that it would help him somehow. How the hell was a letter supposed to help anything? And that's when he snapped, "I wouldn't know. I didn't read it." She flinched at the venom in his voice, surprised at the sudden outburst, but he didn't care. What the hell was he doing in here with her? He couldn't be this guy anymore, the one that wanted to understand her and make things better. He couldn't do it.
"Why didn't you read it?"
"Didn't matter." He dismissively shrugged his shoulders and finished the rest of his drink. "It was a stupid letter, Elena. You didn't really think it would accomplish anything, did you?"
"I thought I owed you that much."
"You owed me a hell of a lot more than that," he bit out. "Doesn't matter anymore, though. I threw it away, kind of like you threw us away." Needing to distance himself from her, he quickly replaced the bottle of scotch in the dresser and made his way toward the door. "Nice chat. Let's not do this again sometime."
"You know I'm right," she called out to him. "That's why you're leaving. I was stupid and I'll never argue that, but you get it now. On some level, you get it."
He spun around on his heel. "Maybe I do," he conceded, "But it really doesn't matter, does it? I'll never know how I would've behaved had I been in that situation at 23, but I know one thing. If I had been in that situation with you, I would've tried because I loved you. It wasn't about being scared and young. You told me you loved me, so you should have tried." He sadly shook his head. "You should have fucking tried."
"I'm trying now," she told him quietly.
He turned his head and met her gaze, staring into the eyes that he once thought held the key to everything. He could see the sense of pleading in them and the desire to have some breakthrough with him, and even if they had on some level had one, it wasn't enough. So, when he softly spoke his next words and watched her face fall, he knew that he wasn't the only one that gained some form of understanding in this room. "It's too late." She let him leave without saying anything else.
After leaving Elena alone in the room, Damon found everyone still gathered in the living room, talking quietly. He approached his brother, a small smile on his face. "Hey, I think I'm going to head out now."
Stefan turned from his conversation with their father. "What? It's not even ten."
"I know, but I'm tired. Andie wakes up at five in the morning." He pulled Stefan into a quick hug. "Congratulations about the baby. It's great!"
Stefan was beaming when they pulled apart. "It is, isn't it?"
"It really is. I'm happy for you." He meant the words when he said them to his brother, but he'd also meant it when he told Elena that it sucked. Of course it sucked. He never got this moment that Stefan and Caroline had. He never got a chance to know, and that sucked.
"Thanks," Stefan said sincerely, his eyes brimming with joy. "Don't forget to say goodbye to Caroline. She'll pitch a fit if you leave without telling her."
He smiled and clapped a hand on Stefan's shoulder. "It's what I'm going to do right now." With a curt nod to his father he moved over to Caroline, who was smiling and babbling away about something having to do with birthing plans, whatever those were.
"I haven't decided yet whether I want to go natural or have an epidural. My doctor says I don't need to make a decision right now, but I want to have some idea of what I want to do. Then again, you hear about those women who are in labor for more than a day, and I just don't know if I can handle pain for that long." She was slightly out of breath when she finished her ramblings, but she still smiled and ran her small hand over her rounded stomach. "What do you think, Damon?" she asked him when he approached.
"I think I have no idea what you're talking about," he answered honestly. "I just wanted to say goodbye before I left. I need to get home."
Caroline's eyes widened. "Already? It's still so early." When her slight protestations were accompanied by a yawn he knew she wouldn't be lasting much longer in the night anyway.
"I know, but I need to get home. We'll go out to dinner this week, okay?"
"Okay, sounds good." Caroline leaned forward and enveloped Damon in a loving embrace. "Thank you for tonight," she whispered in his ear. "It meant a lot."
He squeezed her tightly before pulling away and playfully grabbing her chin with his thumb and forefinger. "Anything for you, Blondie."
Her eyes strayed for a moment finding something of deep interest and slight concern, but before he could turn to see, her eyes twinkled with delight. "I'm going to remind you of that sometime soon."
"I have no doubt." He quickly bid farewell to everyone and exited the penthouse, ready to be home and have a few moments to breathe.
His brain was filled to capacity with warring emotions and he didn't know how to comprehend any of it. Despite all of his efforts, he had understood where Elena was coming from tonight. He got it. He remembered being 22 and not wanting to be responsible for anything. He didn't want to commit to anyone for any period of time. All he'd wanted was to be free and live his life how he wanted. He hadn't wanted to answer to anyone, so he made sure he didn't have to. So, in some way, her actions seemed understandable.
Yet, he was spending his days condemning Elena for making stupid decisions of her own, and that seemed okay too. It felt right to be cruel to her as much as it felt wrong. One moment, he'd look at her think that maybe it didn't have to be this bad; maybe things could get better. Then, she'd smile or say something that took him back to all that pain, and knew it needed to be this bad. He needed her to know what it was like to have every hope shattered in front of your face. The same way she told him that he understood her tonight, he needed her to understand him and the pain he'd gone through. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe it was selfish. He never allowed his mind to stay there for long, though. The moment he brought his walls down, even just an inch, she'd latch on and she'd never let go.
He saw it in her eyes at the Hamptons, and he'd seen it in her eyes tonight. She didn't think they were over. She'd found that fire in her again and she wasn't ready to let it go. She wasn't ready to let them go, and she didn't believe that he was either. No matter what he'd done to her since she got home, he'd somehow given her some form of hope, and he hated himself for that. He wasn't supposed to do that. He was supposed to break her.
The irony of it was that he had the key to do it. She gave it to him without a second thought, and she knew it. He had the chance that day in her apartment and he didn't take it. He wasn't going to take it. He could say a lot of hurtful things to her, but he couldn't tell her the miscarriage was her fault. Maybe that was what had given her hope. Maybe it was Stefan's birthday, when she realized that there was so much Andie didn't know about them. He didn't know what it was, but she had it, and he didn't know how to take it away now.
Not even telling her he threw away her letter had fazed her for long. When she first got back, it may have made her cry, but now she barely blinked. He wanted to know why. What did he do? What did he do?
Mentally exhausted, he let himself into his penthouse and dragged his body back to his bedroom. With his last bout of energy, he threw himself onto his bed and kicked his shoes off. She'd done it again. She'd completely twisted everything up in his mind. With an almost masochistic desire running through his veins, he reached over to his nightstand and pulled open the drawer. He didn't have to look inside to find it. No, it would be in the same place it always was and that it always had been. Once he felt it beneath his fingers, he lifted it from the drawer and held it over his face.
The envelope was heavy and thick in his hands. His name was still clearly visible on the front, scrawled in her curved handwriting. It was still as sealed today as it had been two years ago when he got it, never opened, never read. He'd looked at it a lot over the years, treading dangerously close to opening it on more than one occasion. When it came time to slide his finger beneath the seal, he could never take the step. He always chickened out at the last moment. A part of him still wondered what was in that letter, but he could never bring himself to read it.
Now that she'd brought it back to the forefront of his mind he was even more curious, but he didn't try to open it. He just stared at it, occasionally tracing the letters with his fingers and allowing it to follow the trail of ink that had bled down from her tears, proof that she'd been crying when she wrote it that night. While he'd been burying his pain in alcohol, she'd been crying. None of that night should have happened. If she'd just stayed like she should have, then he wouldn't have been drinking and she wouldn't have been crying. She would have never felt that she had to write it. Most days, that was the reason he never opened it. It shouldn't exist.