SIX
"Good morning, you're listening to the Dunn & Cropper Talk Radio Show, I'm Steve 'the Colonel' Cropper with my main man Donald 'Duck' Dunn, and we're here to take all your calls from now until noon, so let's get it underway. First caller, what's on your mind today?"
"Hi guys," came the voice on the other end of the phone, "It's me, Joliet Jake."
Steve chuckled mildly. "Okay, I see you've got a sense of humor, caller, I guess the Cubs' big run's got you......"
"No really, it's me, and I need your help."
"Mister," Donald cut in, "Haven't you heard that Joliet Jake is dead? He died a good number of years ago."
"Of course, Duck. Do you think I'd forget my own deathday?"
"Okay, we're going to move on now to another topic...." Steve began, but at that moment, Jake stuck his head right out of the microphone. "Good morning," he said. Both Steve and Donald screamed in terror and jumped up. "Hey guys, what's going on in here?" the producer asked, running in from the control booth.
"Nothing," Jake blew another sleeping cloud toward him, knocking him out. He popped out fully into the room and picked up the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, due to matters beyond their control, Steve Cropper and Donald Dunn will no longer be able to take your calls at this time," he told the listening public, "Please tune in after Halloween to see if they'll be coming back at all. Thank you."
"What the hell do you want from us!?" Donald asked, his pipe hanging from his mouth in terror.
"Gents, we have to save the world, and we need you to do it," Jake told them, "So get your guitars and meet us downstairs in ten minutes. We have a gig tonight at the Crocodile Rock Café on the North Side at 7, so be there then." He started to leave, then eyed Steve over. "Steve, this look is totally not you," he commented, "If you can, bring back the long hair and beard."
"Uh, OK," was all Steve could manage. Jake smiled and walked out the door. Steve and Donald eyed each other nervously. "Did that just happen?" Steve asked.
"I don't know," Donald reached under the table and picked up his guitar case, "But I'm doing exactly as he says just in case it did!"
"Works for me," Steve said, picking up his own case.
"Youse two stay here," Elwood told Buster and Katrina as they pulled up alongside Willie "Too Big" Hall's rebuilt Stripster Joint, "This place ain't for kids."
The two of them nodded. Katrina still hadn't said a world all night, but she seemed by enjoying the company of the Brothers.
"Isn't this guy the most sour of the band?" Rocky asked Elwood as they went inside. He and Zee looked spiffy in the Blues Brothers suits that Jake had managed to create for them.
"Nope, I'd have to say that's Mr. Fabulous, but Willie runs a close second," Elwood admitted.
"Well he's going to put up no resistance that I can't match," Jake said, flexing his eyebrows.
Although the Stripster Joint wasn't to open for another several hours, it was already buzzing with activity. Bartenders, lighting people, and the girls themselves were getting into rehearsals for the evening's shows. "Boy, and I thought he couldn't have made it look any worse in here," Mack commented, staring at the lackluster architecture.
"I think they lost somethin' personal too when ya came with us," Elwood said. He strode up to the bar. "We're here to see Willie," he told the bartender on duty. This man immediately pressed an intercom button in panic. "Willie, You-Know-Who's come back!" he shouted into it.
"Get rid of him," was Willie's reply. Jake grabbed the intercom and yanked it right off the bar. "We will not leave until you agree to come with us, Willie," he told his former drummer.
"Your Jake impersonations don't fool me, Elwood," Willie retorted, "I said before I was through with you once and for all and I mean it!"
"Oh you don't think I'm real?" Jake sneered, "Why don't you come out and see for yourself?"
The back door burst open and Willie stormed out, agitated this was taking longer than he'd hoped. He laughed at Jake. "So now your resorting to body doubles, huh?" he told Elwood.
"We on a mission from God and we need ya," Elwood said to him.
"Not listening," Willie covered his ears, "I've had enough missions from God in one lifetime, and besides, I destroyed the drums, so you're screwed as far as I'm concerned."
"This is vitally important for the survival of the human race," Jake said, pulling Willie's hands off his ears, "and let me tell you right now, God really doesn't approve of the trade you've chosen to take up," he pointed around the Stripster Joint at the half-clad women.
"Well if God doesn't like it, why doesn't he just send me a sign?" Willie snorted, folding his hands across his chest.
"Okay Willie," Jake said firmly, "That did it. You've forced me to take drastic measures." He turn and shouted to everyone within earshot, "Okay, everyone out of this joint right now!"
"Does that include us, Jake?" Elwood asked.
"Yes, it does," Jake told him.
"Let's go then," Elwood said to his partners.
"Boy he's going to be in for a nasty shock when your brother gets through with him,' Rocky commented to Elwood as they stepped back outside.
"I wonder what these drastic measures will entail?" Zee mused.
"It's probably whatever Jake wants to do," Elwood said. This question was promptly answered as the Stripster Joint abruptly started collapsing behind them. The men dove for the safety of the Bluesmobile, where they watched the whole structure fall flat to the ground, slowing down briefly to allow those who hadn't taken Jake's warning seriously to run for their lives. When the rubble cleared, Jake was visible standing inside an energy bubble of safety with Willie, who looked deathly pale. "Like I said, Willie, your business was a disgrace to God, so I took the liberty of removing it from his sight just now," he told his drummer, "So meet us at the Crocodile Rock Café at 7 tonight, and don't worry about the drums; I'll have a new set for you by then."
Willie nodded weakly. Jake shook his hand and strode back to the Bluesmobile. "Drive south," he told the others, "I have a premonition that we'll get most of the rest of the band there."
"Thank you for stopping by MLT Gas Station," Murphy Dunne told the couple in the roadster that had just pulled up, "How may we help you?" Then he realized who was in the roadster. "Matt, it's been a while!" he exclaimed.
"Nice to see you too, Murph," Matt "Guitar" Murphy smiled, "The Misses and I need ten gallons worth of unleaded premium."
"And make it snappy," Mrs. Murphy ordered him, "We're in a hurry."
"Right away," Murphy waved to his associates, "Blue Lou" Marini and Tom "Bones" Malone, who set to work on filling the car up. "How long have you guys been in business here?" Matt asked them.
"Oh, about fifteen months," Tom said, "It's been rather slow though."
"And best of all, we've had no contact with...." The all-too-familiar former police car pulling up to the pump grabbed Murphy's attention. "Elwood Blues," he finished his statement.
"Good afternoon, guys," Jake said, hopping out of the Bluesmobile. Tom keeled over in a dead faint. "We're putting the band back together, so get your stuff ready."
"Oh no you don't!" Mrs. Murphy reached into the back seat and pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, which she leveled at Jake, "You're not getting Matt again!"
"Sugar, I told you we weren't going to shoot anybody!" Matt protested.
"Stay out of this, Matt!" his wife snarled at him. She stormed up to Jake and put the rifle right up against his head. "If you and your homies aren't away from here by three, you're dead!" she shouted at him.
"Poor threat," Jake sniggered, "I'm dead already, sweetums."
"One, two, three!" before Mrs. Murphy could pull the trigger, however, Jake lowered his glasses again, and beams of light shot out of his eyes and disintegrated the gun in her hands. "You, you!" she sputtered. Jake smiled and let out another breath of air that froze her solid in a block of ice.
"How the hell'd you do that?" Matt asked, half-stumbling out of the car.
"Holy stuff," Jake said. He touched the ice block. "And I'm set it now so that when she melts out, she'll forget you ever existed and go find a real happy life."
"Thanks, because she was really getting tough on me lately for going back with you guys the last time," matt said. Then he commented, "Hey, you look a lot like Jake used to."
"He is Jake," Elwood said, sticking his head out the Bluesmobile's window.
"Oh come on, Elwood, isn't it time to let go of the past?" Lou asked him, "Jake's gone; let him go."
"It IS me, Lou," Jake said, "And there won't be a past, present or future if we don't do something now, so get your equipment."
"No offense, pal, but what did you smoke this morning?" Murphy chuckled, "Now if you and the others would move along, we've got a business to run here."
"Okay, if you demand proof, I'll give you proof, "Jake took one of the gas pumps off its hook and put it in his mouth. "Are you crazy!?" Murphy demanded. He rushed forward, but ran into an invisible force field Jake had somehow generated. Jake, meanwhile, began drinking the gasoline. His chest swelled as he took in more and more. "Not so much!" Lou protested, "That gas isn't cheap, you know!"
Jake smiled and cut it off at about 10 gallons. He shook himself well, then pulled out a cigarette. He lit up, took a deep puff, and exploded in a massive fireball. Just about everybody around shuddered in horror at what had just happened. "That was totally unnecessary!" Murphy stammered, "Why didn't he seek counseling! Or jump off a building if he wanted to kill himself!"
""I don't know, maybe because I'm not suicidal right now," Jake said, stepping unscathed from the ashes. It was Lou's turn to faint. Wha- Wha-What do you want!?" Murphy stammered, falling to his knees in reverence.
"Get your keyboard, we've got a gig at the Crocodile Rock Café tonight at 7," Jake told him. Murphy nodded weakly and stumbled inside the gas station.
"Good to see you back, Jake," Matt told him as the angel snapped his fingers and brought Tom and Lou back to consciousness, "Things haven't been the same without you."
"I know, Jake said, "Now all we have to do is get Mr. Fabulous, and we'll be set."
"Forget it, you'll never get Mr. Fabulous," Tom told him, "He moved up to Canada and became a lumberjack. No phone or computers."
"That doesn't hinder me," in a flash, Jake took off at the speed of light again, returning moments later with Alan "Mr. Fabulous" Rubin in a bubble-filled bathtub. "Hey, what the hell!?" the trumpeter exclaimed, shocked to find himself south of the border again. He jumped up in shock at the sight of Jake. "Oh no, no, no!" he shouted, "Leave me alone!! You're dead! I don't have any....!" It was then he realized he was naked still, and jumped back down into the bubbles.
"Mr. Fabulous," Jake said smarmily, "how nice to see you again. I see you're very comfortable."
"All right, just tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you, just go away!" Mr. Fabulous said quickly, sinking as far down as he could.
"Get your trumpet," Jake said, "We've got a gig tonight at 7."
"No way, I told Elwood when he was captured before that I was through for good, and I stand by that now," Mr. Fabulous said firmly.
"That's OK, I can just drain the water right out of here and expose you for all to see," Jake said, reaching for the drain.
"NO!!" Mr. Fabulous screamed, slapping him away, "Just take me back up to Canada now!"
Jake leaned in closer. "If you say no," he said, "I will haunt you with every tree you cut down. Since you are destroying God's work by cutting them down, it is only fair that I extract revenge as such. I will literally..." he started splitting himself into different versions of himself , "be everywhere. Now do you really want me to do that to you?"
"All right, all right!" Mr. Fabulous shouted, "I'll do it! Just promise you'll let me in peace!"
"You got it," Jake shook his hand. He hopped back in the Bluesmobile. "Let's go, Elwood." he said, "It's time we go to the café."
"Hey, wait a minute, don't just leave me here!": Mr. Fabulous protested as they pulled out, "My clothes are back up in Canada! What the hell am I supposed to wear!? Jake? Jake!" He turned to the other band members, "Guys, give me a hand here!"
"Love to, Al, but we don't have anything," Murphy told him, "Just sit tight, we'll see what we can do, though."
"Sit tight, huh?" Mr. Fabulous snorted, hunching down in the tub, "Easy for you to say!"
"Good morning, you're listening to the Dunn & Cropper Talk Radio Show, I'm Steve 'the Colonel' Cropper with my main man Donald 'Duck' Dunn, and we're here to take all your calls from now until noon, so let's get it underway. First caller, what's on your mind today?"
"Hi guys," came the voice on the other end of the phone, "It's me, Joliet Jake."
Steve chuckled mildly. "Okay, I see you've got a sense of humor, caller, I guess the Cubs' big run's got you......"
"No really, it's me, and I need your help."
"Mister," Donald cut in, "Haven't you heard that Joliet Jake is dead? He died a good number of years ago."
"Of course, Duck. Do you think I'd forget my own deathday?"
"Okay, we're going to move on now to another topic...." Steve began, but at that moment, Jake stuck his head right out of the microphone. "Good morning," he said. Both Steve and Donald screamed in terror and jumped up. "Hey guys, what's going on in here?" the producer asked, running in from the control booth.
"Nothing," Jake blew another sleeping cloud toward him, knocking him out. He popped out fully into the room and picked up the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, due to matters beyond their control, Steve Cropper and Donald Dunn will no longer be able to take your calls at this time," he told the listening public, "Please tune in after Halloween to see if they'll be coming back at all. Thank you."
"What the hell do you want from us!?" Donald asked, his pipe hanging from his mouth in terror.
"Gents, we have to save the world, and we need you to do it," Jake told them, "So get your guitars and meet us downstairs in ten minutes. We have a gig tonight at the Crocodile Rock Café on the North Side at 7, so be there then." He started to leave, then eyed Steve over. "Steve, this look is totally not you," he commented, "If you can, bring back the long hair and beard."
"Uh, OK," was all Steve could manage. Jake smiled and walked out the door. Steve and Donald eyed each other nervously. "Did that just happen?" Steve asked.
"I don't know," Donald reached under the table and picked up his guitar case, "But I'm doing exactly as he says just in case it did!"
"Works for me," Steve said, picking up his own case.
"Youse two stay here," Elwood told Buster and Katrina as they pulled up alongside Willie "Too Big" Hall's rebuilt Stripster Joint, "This place ain't for kids."
The two of them nodded. Katrina still hadn't said a world all night, but she seemed by enjoying the company of the Brothers.
"Isn't this guy the most sour of the band?" Rocky asked Elwood as they went inside. He and Zee looked spiffy in the Blues Brothers suits that Jake had managed to create for them.
"Nope, I'd have to say that's Mr. Fabulous, but Willie runs a close second," Elwood admitted.
"Well he's going to put up no resistance that I can't match," Jake said, flexing his eyebrows.
Although the Stripster Joint wasn't to open for another several hours, it was already buzzing with activity. Bartenders, lighting people, and the girls themselves were getting into rehearsals for the evening's shows. "Boy, and I thought he couldn't have made it look any worse in here," Mack commented, staring at the lackluster architecture.
"I think they lost somethin' personal too when ya came with us," Elwood said. He strode up to the bar. "We're here to see Willie," he told the bartender on duty. This man immediately pressed an intercom button in panic. "Willie, You-Know-Who's come back!" he shouted into it.
"Get rid of him," was Willie's reply. Jake grabbed the intercom and yanked it right off the bar. "We will not leave until you agree to come with us, Willie," he told his former drummer.
"Your Jake impersonations don't fool me, Elwood," Willie retorted, "I said before I was through with you once and for all and I mean it!"
"Oh you don't think I'm real?" Jake sneered, "Why don't you come out and see for yourself?"
The back door burst open and Willie stormed out, agitated this was taking longer than he'd hoped. He laughed at Jake. "So now your resorting to body doubles, huh?" he told Elwood.
"We on a mission from God and we need ya," Elwood said to him.
"Not listening," Willie covered his ears, "I've had enough missions from God in one lifetime, and besides, I destroyed the drums, so you're screwed as far as I'm concerned."
"This is vitally important for the survival of the human race," Jake said, pulling Willie's hands off his ears, "and let me tell you right now, God really doesn't approve of the trade you've chosen to take up," he pointed around the Stripster Joint at the half-clad women.
"Well if God doesn't like it, why doesn't he just send me a sign?" Willie snorted, folding his hands across his chest.
"Okay Willie," Jake said firmly, "That did it. You've forced me to take drastic measures." He turn and shouted to everyone within earshot, "Okay, everyone out of this joint right now!"
"Does that include us, Jake?" Elwood asked.
"Yes, it does," Jake told him.
"Let's go then," Elwood said to his partners.
"Boy he's going to be in for a nasty shock when your brother gets through with him,' Rocky commented to Elwood as they stepped back outside.
"I wonder what these drastic measures will entail?" Zee mused.
"It's probably whatever Jake wants to do," Elwood said. This question was promptly answered as the Stripster Joint abruptly started collapsing behind them. The men dove for the safety of the Bluesmobile, where they watched the whole structure fall flat to the ground, slowing down briefly to allow those who hadn't taken Jake's warning seriously to run for their lives. When the rubble cleared, Jake was visible standing inside an energy bubble of safety with Willie, who looked deathly pale. "Like I said, Willie, your business was a disgrace to God, so I took the liberty of removing it from his sight just now," he told his drummer, "So meet us at the Crocodile Rock Café at 7 tonight, and don't worry about the drums; I'll have a new set for you by then."
Willie nodded weakly. Jake shook his hand and strode back to the Bluesmobile. "Drive south," he told the others, "I have a premonition that we'll get most of the rest of the band there."
"Thank you for stopping by MLT Gas Station," Murphy Dunne told the couple in the roadster that had just pulled up, "How may we help you?" Then he realized who was in the roadster. "Matt, it's been a while!" he exclaimed.
"Nice to see you too, Murph," Matt "Guitar" Murphy smiled, "The Misses and I need ten gallons worth of unleaded premium."
"And make it snappy," Mrs. Murphy ordered him, "We're in a hurry."
"Right away," Murphy waved to his associates, "Blue Lou" Marini and Tom "Bones" Malone, who set to work on filling the car up. "How long have you guys been in business here?" Matt asked them.
"Oh, about fifteen months," Tom said, "It's been rather slow though."
"And best of all, we've had no contact with...." The all-too-familiar former police car pulling up to the pump grabbed Murphy's attention. "Elwood Blues," he finished his statement.
"Good afternoon, guys," Jake said, hopping out of the Bluesmobile. Tom keeled over in a dead faint. "We're putting the band back together, so get your stuff ready."
"Oh no you don't!" Mrs. Murphy reached into the back seat and pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, which she leveled at Jake, "You're not getting Matt again!"
"Sugar, I told you we weren't going to shoot anybody!" Matt protested.
"Stay out of this, Matt!" his wife snarled at him. She stormed up to Jake and put the rifle right up against his head. "If you and your homies aren't away from here by three, you're dead!" she shouted at him.
"Poor threat," Jake sniggered, "I'm dead already, sweetums."
"One, two, three!" before Mrs. Murphy could pull the trigger, however, Jake lowered his glasses again, and beams of light shot out of his eyes and disintegrated the gun in her hands. "You, you!" she sputtered. Jake smiled and let out another breath of air that froze her solid in a block of ice.
"How the hell'd you do that?" Matt asked, half-stumbling out of the car.
"Holy stuff," Jake said. He touched the ice block. "And I'm set it now so that when she melts out, she'll forget you ever existed and go find a real happy life."
"Thanks, because she was really getting tough on me lately for going back with you guys the last time," matt said. Then he commented, "Hey, you look a lot like Jake used to."
"He is Jake," Elwood said, sticking his head out the Bluesmobile's window.
"Oh come on, Elwood, isn't it time to let go of the past?" Lou asked him, "Jake's gone; let him go."
"It IS me, Lou," Jake said, "And there won't be a past, present or future if we don't do something now, so get your equipment."
"No offense, pal, but what did you smoke this morning?" Murphy chuckled, "Now if you and the others would move along, we've got a business to run here."
"Okay, if you demand proof, I'll give you proof, "Jake took one of the gas pumps off its hook and put it in his mouth. "Are you crazy!?" Murphy demanded. He rushed forward, but ran into an invisible force field Jake had somehow generated. Jake, meanwhile, began drinking the gasoline. His chest swelled as he took in more and more. "Not so much!" Lou protested, "That gas isn't cheap, you know!"
Jake smiled and cut it off at about 10 gallons. He shook himself well, then pulled out a cigarette. He lit up, took a deep puff, and exploded in a massive fireball. Just about everybody around shuddered in horror at what had just happened. "That was totally unnecessary!" Murphy stammered, "Why didn't he seek counseling! Or jump off a building if he wanted to kill himself!"
""I don't know, maybe because I'm not suicidal right now," Jake said, stepping unscathed from the ashes. It was Lou's turn to faint. Wha- Wha-What do you want!?" Murphy stammered, falling to his knees in reverence.
"Get your keyboard, we've got a gig at the Crocodile Rock Café tonight at 7," Jake told him. Murphy nodded weakly and stumbled inside the gas station.
"Good to see you back, Jake," Matt told him as the angel snapped his fingers and brought Tom and Lou back to consciousness, "Things haven't been the same without you."
"I know, Jake said, "Now all we have to do is get Mr. Fabulous, and we'll be set."
"Forget it, you'll never get Mr. Fabulous," Tom told him, "He moved up to Canada and became a lumberjack. No phone or computers."
"That doesn't hinder me," in a flash, Jake took off at the speed of light again, returning moments later with Alan "Mr. Fabulous" Rubin in a bubble-filled bathtub. "Hey, what the hell!?" the trumpeter exclaimed, shocked to find himself south of the border again. He jumped up in shock at the sight of Jake. "Oh no, no, no!" he shouted, "Leave me alone!! You're dead! I don't have any....!" It was then he realized he was naked still, and jumped back down into the bubbles.
"Mr. Fabulous," Jake said smarmily, "how nice to see you again. I see you're very comfortable."
"All right, just tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you, just go away!" Mr. Fabulous said quickly, sinking as far down as he could.
"Get your trumpet," Jake said, "We've got a gig tonight at 7."
"No way, I told Elwood when he was captured before that I was through for good, and I stand by that now," Mr. Fabulous said firmly.
"That's OK, I can just drain the water right out of here and expose you for all to see," Jake said, reaching for the drain.
"NO!!" Mr. Fabulous screamed, slapping him away, "Just take me back up to Canada now!"
Jake leaned in closer. "If you say no," he said, "I will haunt you with every tree you cut down. Since you are destroying God's work by cutting them down, it is only fair that I extract revenge as such. I will literally..." he started splitting himself into different versions of himself , "be everywhere. Now do you really want me to do that to you?"
"All right, all right!" Mr. Fabulous shouted, "I'll do it! Just promise you'll let me in peace!"
"You got it," Jake shook his hand. He hopped back in the Bluesmobile. "Let's go, Elwood." he said, "It's time we go to the café."
"Hey, wait a minute, don't just leave me here!": Mr. Fabulous protested as they pulled out, "My clothes are back up in Canada! What the hell am I supposed to wear!? Jake? Jake!" He turned to the other band members, "Guys, give me a hand here!"
"Love to, Al, but we don't have anything," Murphy told him, "Just sit tight, we'll see what we can do, though."
"Sit tight, huh?" Mr. Fabulous snorted, hunching down in the tub, "Easy for you to say!"