Chapter 33
I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down
With Caroline's reprimand hanging over their heads, the brothers looked at each other and sighed. Things were tense and they were taking it out on each other like normal. All the time and maturity in the world couldn't change the fact that they would always revert back to this when things felt like they were falling apart.
"I'm not trying to make you mad," Stefan quietly said. "I'm just trying to get you to think this all through, and drinking isn't how you do that, Damon."
"Don't you think I've thought this through?" Damon questioned. "All I've done for these past few months is think about this."
"But have you?" Stefan challenged. "Have you really thought about this beyond trying to keep from hurting Andie? I'm not stupid, Damon. I know what's going on here."
"What's so wrong with not wanting to hurt Andie? I love her."
"I'm not saying you don't," Stefan insisted. "I know you think that you've hurt everyone else, so you're trying to make sure you don't hurt someone else, but if you're only marrying Andie because you don't want to hurt her, you're doing exactly the opposite."
"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but my relationship with Andie runs a little deeper than what you're implying."
He knew Stefan was trying to help, and that he did have a point. Of course this was about not wanting to hurt Andie. After Elena was taken to Virginia, he'd believed he'd lost any chance to ever talk to her again. He had thought she was gone, and that he had no chance of repairing the damage done. So he focused on making sure he wouldn't do the same damage to Andie.
"I know that I'm a part of the reason we're here right now. I know you've let things get this far, in part, because of me. I said a lot of things the night we found out about you and Elena. I know I hurt you that night, and I never really said that I was sorry, but I am. I shouldn't have said the things I did, Damon."
"There's nothing to apologize for. You were right to say what you did."
"I wasn't right to say you weren't a good person. You are, Damon. Calling off this wedding won't change that. It won't make you a bad person if you do what is right for you and Andie. She might be upset at first and people might be mad, but it will blow over. I'll have your back through all of it. I'm just asking you," he stopped and shook his head, "Scratch that, I'm begging you, don't go through with this just because you want to show that you don't always hurt people."
Damon sighed. "It's about more than that, and you know it, Stefan."
"What? That her dad's running for president? I don't care!" Stefan declared, only to receive a glare from Caroline when Sawyer squirmed in her arms. He looked down to see if his son was still asleep before he looked back at Damon and quietly said, "I don't care if her father is the actual president. If you're not doing this for the right reasons, then don't do it."
Damon listened to Elena's agonizing screams as her aunt guided her out of the penthouse, followed by her family and Bonnie and Caroline. "Oh God! I can't do it anymore! I can't – I can't handle it!"
His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he was faced with the blinding truth of what he'd done. He'd only heard her cry in anguish like that one time, and it was the night she'd lost the baby. The sound had sliced him to his core that night, and it still did. After that night, he knew he never wanted to hear that sound come from her ever again, and hearing it tonight, knowing he was the reason she was so devastated and broken, it made him hate himself.
He'd done that to her.
The miscarriage had been hell on her, he'd had a front row seat to that, but he'd never lived through anything close to what just happened in this living room. He watched her shatter into a million pieces right in front of him and he was helpless to fix any of it, because it was all his fault. He'd slept with her knowing that he was in a relationship, and snuck off to propose to Andie. It had been a delusional belief that his actions wouldn't irrevocably break them, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. Despite what he'd told himself after she left, he needed her in his life in some form, and now he was watching her slip away from him.
This was all his fault. It was all him. What had he done? How could he do this to her?
Nobody could move or a say word after the penthouse went silent. They were all frozen in their places, paralyzed by what they had just witnessed. He could feel the judgment being placed on him, but nobody could put it into words yet. It was only when the front door opened that their attention moved again to the here and now. Caroline looked dazed and defeated when she came back into the penthouse, her normally ecstatic face, crestfallen and stained with tears. He could see her eyes were red and puffy as she entered the living room. She stopped a few feet in front of him and sniffled softly before she said, "I hope you're happy with yourself."
"How is she?" he asked, his heart clenched in concern and fear for Elena. The sounds he'd heard come from her as she'd been pulled from the living room were on a constant repeat in his mind.
"I gave Jenna our car. They're taking her back to Virginia." Her voice faded out at then end, consumed by her sadness. Caroline's face fell and her shoulders began to shake as she started to cry again. Stefan went to her, the pain he felt for his own wife evident on his face when he pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest as her body shook against his.
"She'll be okay, baby," Stefan assured her, rubbing his hands through her hair and down her back. "She'll be fine."
"You didn't hear her, Stefan," she cried, her words mumbled by his shirt. "Jenna wants her to move back to Mystic Falls."
"She what?" Damon gasped, stepping closer to Caroline. "She can't move there."
Caroline turned her head to look at Damon, her eyes narrowed. "God, what do you care, Damon?" Angry, she pushed Stefan away from her and twisted around to fully face him. "You're the entire reason Jenna wants her to leave."
"I can fix it," Damon swore. He didn't know how just yet, but he knew that he could. She couldn't just be gone.
"How?" Caroline screamed. "All you've done is make this worse. From the moment she got back, you've been horrible to her. I thought you'd reached your lowest point when you told her I was pregnant, but this takes the cake." She sucked in a strained breath and clenched her eyes shut as her head shook back and forth. "She's my best friend, Damon. What have you done?" She brought a trembling hand up to her mouth. "Oh my god, what have you done?"
"Caroline, I'm so sorry," he apologized, his voice strained and weak. "I didn't mean for it to happen like this."
"You don't get it, Damon!" she exclaimed, opening her eyes again to pierce him with her cutting gaze. "You have no idea what you've done to her." Stefan gently grabbed hold of Caroline and tried to steer her away from Damon, fear clearly written on his face. "No, Stefan. I know you think I need to calm down, but he doesn't get it. Neither of you get it. Do you know what she said to Jenna?" Caroline tearfully asked him. "Did you hear what she said out in that hallway?"
"No," he whispered.
"She said she wished she was dead." A painful cry poured from Caroline's mouth. She was close to hyperventilating now, her chest heaving with the extreme effort it took her to breathe. "She said she wished she'd died in that car with her parents. She hasn't said that since she woke up in the hospital and found out she was the only one that survived." Caroline shoved a harsh finger into his chest. "You did that to her. You did that to my best friend. I love you, and I know she hurt you, but this is so much worse than what she did to you. I don't think I can ever forgive you for this."
"Caroline, please," Stefan begged her. "Please calm down. This isn't good for the baby."
"Do you even care, Stefan?" she demanded hoarsely, her voice giving out on her. "Do you even care that she's my best friend and your brother broke her heart just because he could? Do you care about anyone other than Damon?"
Stefan looked like Caroline had physically hit him, and his face paled as he stared at her. "You know I do." He reached out and pulled her toward him again, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "You're who I've tried to protect from the beginning. I love you."
"Then how come you haven't been able to put your anger toward Elena aside for the past six months? For wanting to protect me so much, you sure were an asshole to my best friend."
"I never did anything to Elena," Stefan insisted.
"You didn't have to!" Caroline exclaimed. "You made it clear you didn't even want to be in the same room with her. You didn't give a damn what Damon did to her. For months, I've tried to talk to you about what was going on with them, and you told me to stay out of it. You told me it wasn't my business. Well, guess what? It is my business." Caroline groaned and pushed Stefan away from her again. "I always knew you two were stupidly codependent and that it would bite me in the ass at some point, but this is just wrong." She turned to look at Damon, seething when she said, "What you did was despicable, and I won't support it. You had no reason to do what you did to her. And, Stefan," she looked back at her husband, "I know I told you I'd always support you, but this is too much. If you are really going to act like this is all okay, and still support him for this, I'm not okay with that. I won't be."
Caroline rolled her watery eyes and huffed before storming away from the brothers, crying as she went. Stefan began to follow her, but Liz quickly stepped in front of him, pressing her hand into his chest. "I know you love my daughter," she began softly, "But I think you need to give her some time."
"She's too upset right now," Stefan said, watching Caroline's back disappear down the hallway. "The stress isn't good for her or the baby."
"She's been put in a really tough spot tonight, Stefan," Liz pointed out as she lowered her hand from Stefan's chest. "I'll go sit with her for a bit, and calm her down. Just give her some space."
"Liz," Stefan pleaded.
"I know you are her husband, but I'm still her mother, Stefan, and I know her. Give her a few hours to cool down. I'll let you know if anything is wrong." Liz gently squeezed Stefan's shoulders and turned to go find Caroline.
Stefan watched after her, tears in his own eyes now, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. He could clearly see the pain on his brother's face and he knew this was his fault. He'd done the one thing that Stefan had asked him to not do – he brought Caroline into it, and now she wasn't just furious with she was furious with him, too. This was supposed to be the happiest time in their lives, the last few weeks before they had the baby, and now they were at odds because of his brother.
Stefan turned then, his eyes filled with anger and a sense of betrayal. Damon knew in that moment that he would have a lot more to repair tonight than he thought he did. He'd hurt his brother, and now he was looking at him as if he barely recognized him. There was no sympathy or sadness in his eyes. There was no trace of the warm brother that had had his back for the past two and a half years, no questions asked.
He wanted to apologize and make things right with his brother. Elena was lost to him at this moment. He would not be able to make anything right with her for a long time, but he could begin with his brother right now. Before he had the chance to try, Stefan slowly walked toward him, his head shaking back and forth as he clenched his jaw. His fists twitched down by his waist and Damon knew what was coming next.
He did not raise a hand to try and defend himself from the powerful fist his brother slammed against his face. The pain dazed him and his vision went blurry as he staggered back from the extreme blow. There was no time to regain his bearings before he felt an excruciating punch to the other side of his face. The momentum sent him falling back to the floor, where he landed squarely on his back, and his head bounced roughly off of the hardwood flooring. Now, even if he wanted to, he had no ability to defend himself from his brother's torrid blows.
Stefan was on top of him, assaulting his face with one brutal hit after the other. His entire head was on fire and his vision darkened as blood seeped into one of his eyes, but if his brother noticed the injury, it did not deter him. It was only when he was mere moments away from losing his battle to remain conscious that a booming voice sliced through the haze.
"That's enough!" their father shouted, his tone and words like a blast from the past of countless times he'd broken up fights between the brothers. Like always, it ended the fight, and Stefan fell back, collapsing next to Damon on the floor, out of breath, and frustrated that he had been stopped. "Both of you stand up right now."
Stefan looked at him, and his face must look bad, because a brief show of pain flashed through his brother's eyes before he rolled away and moved to his feet. Unlike many of their other fights, he did not extend his hand to help Damon up. He stood solemnly and watched as Damon slowly pushed himself to his feet, a task that took much longer than it should have, for the sole fact that his body could barely move without sending signals to his brain that he was about to lose consciousness.
Finally, when he was on his feet and watching his stoic father from several feet away, he whispered, "I'm sorry."
Stefan turned to him, his mouth open, ready to fire off a quick retort, when their father lifted his hand and stepped toward them. "Don't say anything, Stefan," his father warned. He waited until he was certain that he held the attention of both of his sons before he said, "You are brothers. You do not behave like this. I did not raise my sons to fight each other. You fight for each other, not against."
Both brothers lowered their head in embarrassment. Giuseppe had not taught Damon very many valuable things in life outside of business, but he had taught him that. He had always told Stefan and Damon that the world would be cruel, and they would have to be there for each other. He said that the moment they turned on each other was the moment they would lose any chance of doing anything of value in their lives.
"You heard what he did," Stefan tried to explain after several tense moments.
"God, you don't even care about Elena," Damon snapped, unable to help himself.
"I care about Caroline, and thanks to you, my wife is devastated right now. She's back in our bedroom crying, while I'm forced to stay out here because she blames me too!"
"I didn't set out to hurt anyone, Stefan. I didn't mean to involve Caroline in this."
"You slept with her best friend and proposed to another woman the very next day. In what part of your brain did you actually believe that something like that wouldn't bring Caroline right into the middle of all of this?" Stefan demanded, turning to face Damon again.
"Do I have to separate you two like when you were kids?" Giuseppe asked, exasperated with the bickering. "Stefan, you sit on one end of the couch, Damon you sit on the other. You're both going to sit here and listen to me whether you like it or not. And so help me, if either of you hits the other, I will snatch your trust funds away so fast you won't know what happened." Stefan huffed and stomped past Damon, making sure to roughly shove Damon as he passed him. "Try it again, Stefan," his father warned as he watched his youngest son angrily drop down onto the couch. He held his arm out and motioned for Damon to take a seat as well. Once he was seated, Giuseppe sat on the coffee table in front of them and asked, "What the hell is wrong with the two of you?"
"You're really going to ask me that?" Stefan asked incredulously. "You saw the whole thing, dad. What's wrong with me is Damon and the fact that he doesn't give a damn about anyone else but himself."
"That's not true and you know it," Damon sighed.
"It is true!" Stefan shouted. "I have asked you to do one thing since Elena got back. I asked you to keep Caroline out of whatever you were going to do with Elena. I didn't even ask for you to do it forever. I just asked you to keep her out of it until she had the baby. One goddamn thing, Damon! That was all I asked for, and you couldn't even do it!"
"I didn't plan it out like this!"
"Really? You didn't plan to be a complete dick to someone? Try selling that line to somebody who doesn't know you. All you've wanted to do since Elena got back is make her pay."
"Stop it!" Giuseppe interjected again. "I did not raise the two of you to treat each other like this."
"You raised a son that thinks it's okay to treat people however horribly he wants to treat them. All you've ever cared about is your business, and making sure he's groomed to be second in command. He's never had to learn that he doesn't get to be God and do whatever he wants to whomever he wants, because you've always been there to clean up his messes. You cared more about keeping your business in tact than raising a decent human being as a son."
The words his brother spoke hit Damon hard in his gut. He'd never heard Stefan speak so cruelly about him, his voice filled with so much contempt. Had he always felt this way and never said it until now? Did his brother think that little of him?
Giuseppe sadly shook his head. "Your brother has made some very poor decisions in his life, but he is your brother, and you're supposed to defend him, not fight him."
"All I've ever done is defend him!" Stefan exclaimed. "My entire life, I have practically worshipped him. Everyone always said my brother was a horrible person and they couldn't believe I put up with him, but I defended him every single time. Every time he's messed up I've had his back. He would not be here right now if I hadn't spent months dragging him out of bars after Elena left. I have stood by him through everything, and this is how he repays me? I'm having a baby in a few weeks! God, I'm supposed to be happy, dad. Tonight was supposed to be good, and he ruined it. This is forever going to hang over the birth of my child because nothing will be fixed by then. The most important day of my life is coming and right now my wife can't even look at me. That's his fault! I'm done defending him, and I'm tired of everyone cleaning up his messes for him!"
"If that's how you feel about your brother, then you'll be glad to know he's about to learn the hardest lesson of his life. For once, there's something that you and I cannot fix for him."
Stefan shrugged his shoulders and rose from the couch. "Good, maybe he'll figure out how to be an actual person in the process." He turned to Damon, his eyes eerily cold and distant. It did not fit his brother in the slightest, and he did not like it. "I told you that we would have a major problem if you got Caroline involved in your masochistic bullshit with Elena. Well, this is our major problem, Damon. Stay away from Caroline until I say otherwise. You come near my wife, and not even dad will be able to stop me."
He turned on his heel and walked away from the couch, going off in search of his wife and a way to make things better. Damon jumped to his feet to try and call out to his brother, go to him, plead with him until Stefan no longer stared at him like he was disgusted with him, but his father placed a firm hand on his chest and kept him rooted in place. "Let him go, son," he whispered.
He fell to the couch, feeling defeated and alone. He'd thought the idea of being locked out of Elena's life was hard to comprehend, but everyone was closing ranks now. Elena's family had blockaded her far away from him, giving him no possible chance to see her or speak to her. Stefan and Liz were now building a solid wall around Caroline, cutting off any access he had to the woman that he now loved like a sister. And as for his brother, his own father was freezing Damon out, granting Stefan the desire he had to be anywhere but in the same room with him. In less than an hour, he'd been effectively shut out of from the lives of those who defined him, supported him, and loved him.
His elbows on his legs, and his head in his hands, he choked out, "I didn't want things to be like this."
"Very few people set out to be the villain in life, Damon."
He did. Sometimes he truly did set out to be just that. He'd done it with countless people throughout his life, and most notably, he'd done it with Elena. He put himself on the path of hatred and desperate payback when she returned, uncaring that he would look horrible to those around him. It had never mattered to him before, so it didn't matter then. Except it did, and being the villain to Elena didn't bring the feelings of relief and satisfaction that he'd thought it would.
So he tried to be friends with her. He grabbed hold of the only thing he thought they could have, and he squeezed until there was no breath left. He suffocated it with his delirious need to not have her as his, but not have her as anyone else's either. He wanted her in her own little corner, away from all things he didn't deem worthy of her, and when she'd refused, he snapped. He lost all sensibility and he slept with her. He lost himself in so many things that had made them great, and before he could be drowned in the sea of everything she did to him and made him feel, he sought shelter from the storm.
Because Elena was a storm. She was a category five hurricane that left destruction in her wake. There had been only one shelter that he'd found in two years that could safely house him, so he ran to it. He ran to her. He went to Andie, filled with a desire to make sure she would forever be there as his shelter. In all of the panic and whirlwind of it all, he'd never bothered to allow himself to realize that by escaping the storm Elena brought upon him, he became hers. He hadn't simply wiped her out and left her to pick up the pieces. He'd completely demolished her, leaving her to believe that there were no pieces to be picked up. He did the one thing he thought would never be possible. He broke Elena Gilbert, and now he was hated because of it.
"I thought I could make it right. I thought I could make her understand."
"Your brother is right," his father said quietly. "You do these cruel things to people without truly thinking of the consequences, and you expect everyone to meet you with understanding and acceptance. You expect for no one to challenge you. And maybe that's my fault. It may not seem like it to you, but I've let you get away with a lot. I've buried many of your missteps and discretions throughout the years. You've rarely had to face genuine consequences for your impulsive decisions, but you have to now."
He lifted wounded eyes to meet his father's gaze. "What do you mean?"
"You locked yourself into something bigger than you when you proposed to Andie. You did not propose to a woman that no one knows."
"What are you saying, dad?"
"I'm saying it's too late to back out now. The announcement has been made. She has already picked a date that does not coincide with her father's campaign. It's done, and you're marrying Andie whether you truly want to or not."
Suddenly, Damon found that he needed to do some blockading of his very own. On what felt like one of the roughest and lowest nights of his life, his father was still thinking about business. He'd played the fatherly act for twenty minutes, pretending to truly love his sons and want what was best for them. He was even pretending like he was going to let Damon face his own choices for once, but the only reason he was doing it was because it fit his own needs. If it were anyone but Andie, his father wouldn't give a damn about how this all played out, but because she was the daughter of a senator and the possible future president, he was going to run the show.
It didn't matter that Damon's face was covered in dried blood, and he probably wouldn't be able to see out of either of his eyes tomorrow. It didn't matter that he and his brother were truly at odds for the first time in their lives, and there was no sign of light on the horizon for them. It didn't matter that Damon felt broken down and confused, and that for once in his life he needed his father to be his father. None of it mattered, and none of it ever would.
He stood from the couch and strode away from him, the anguish taking hold of his heart once again. "I can't believe you're seriously only thinking about business after what just happened tonight. I actually need you to be my father for one night, and you can't even do that."
"I am being your father," Giuseppe fought back. "I am always your father."
"No you're not!" Damon shouted. "I'm a business transaction to you. The only reason you like Andie is because of what you think her father could do for you."
Giuseppe stood and squared off toward Damon, his shoulders high and pushed back. "Well then what would you rather me do, son? Tell you to break off your engagement and go chasing after a girl who just had a nervous breakdown not ten feet away from where you're standing? Do you really want me to tell you to go be with the girl who abandoned you in your darkest hour? Would you rather me be okay with Elena and not Andie? Because I can't do that. You can say I never liked her and that I never gave her a chance, but she showed me that she never deserved one. You needed her, and she left you. I will never be okay with her."
"What about when you abandoned me?" Damon fired back. "I needed you when mom died and you deserted me in every way that mattered. You abandoned me when I needed a father, and you've never come back, but I'm supposed to be okay with you, even if you've never bothered to care about what I want and what I need?"
"When have you ever been okay with me? You don't listen to a damn thing I say, and you never have."
"Why should I? You're a miserable human being! Why would I want to listen to anything that you have to say when your life has turned out so crappy? You've spent twenty years mourning a woman that's never going to come back. You have no real relationship with your sons, and most people only talk to you because you managed to build a good company. At the end of the day, your business is all you have, and that's because of you, not anyone else."
A tense silence fell over the room and Damon heaved a large sigh. Things had been complicated ever since he so publically quit his job after Elena left. He'd told his father he wished he had died, and they'd never talked about that moment. It had been brushed under the rug, but tonight, he was ripping up that rug and tossing it aside, leaving everything to be revealed under the harsh light.
"It amazes me that after everything I've done for you, you still think so little of me. I have made mistakes as your father, and I know that, but you are my son, and I did the best I could after your mother died. Yes, I have spent twenty years mourning her, but she was my wife and the mother of my children." His voice cracked and he looked down at the floor for several moments to maintain his composure before he continued. "So believe it or not, I understand this bond you feel you have with Elena, but it goes so much deeper than that once you have the child in your arms. Your mother is the only woman I have ever loved, and when you one day get to experience having your own child, you will understand that feeling. And yes, I was unreasonably hard on you, and that's my fault. It was hard to look in your face every day and see your mom, because while Stefan looks like me, you're all her. It was like staring at a ghost, and I tried to replace everything with work. I made bad decisions, but my bad decisions do not erase the fact that I love you and your brother, and I have only wanted the best for you both."
"Then why can't you ever just be happy for me?" Damon whispered. His father's words sounded great and he'd wanted to hear something like that for so long, but if it was true, why didn't it feel like it?
"It's not that I'm not happy for you, or that I've never been happy for you," his father began softly. "It's that I'm scared for you. You might be a lot like me in more ways than you like to admit but you're emotional like your mother. You let your heart drive you, and that gets you into trouble. I saw what your divorce did to you. I have seen what Elena did to you, and still does to you. I do not want to see you go through that ever again."
"What about what I seem to put other people through? I'm not innocent in this."
"You're my son, I'm biased. I care more about your feelings than anyone else's. So maybe your brother is right, and I have gotten you out of a lot of sticky situations. Because, right now, looking at you and listening to the things you've done, I'm trying to figure out how I failed so badly as a parent that you became this." His father's shoulders fell and he sadly shook his head. "I've never found myself wishing this before, but tonight I'm happy that your mother isn't here to see the man you've become. This would have broken her heart."
"And there it is," Damon whispered, unable to find any other words to fit this moment that would forever define his relationship with his father. Nothing would ever be the same after this.
His father knew it, too, for he soon was repeating back to him, "There it is."
Slowly, Damon nodded and grabbed his jacket from where it was hanging over the back of the chair in the living room. "Now that I've been sufficiently demolished by everyone that matters in my life tonight, I'm going to go home, if that's okay with you. I promise not to do anything rash while I'm at it."
He made his way out of his brother's penthouse with no fuss from his father. The damage he'd done tonight was immeasurable and he didn't think anyone would be trying to speak to him any time soon. Whatever plans had been in place for tomorrow morning were now shot to hell. There was no way Caroline and Stefan would want to see him while they opened their presents and did their whole too-in-love-with-each-other-to-see-straight bit.
The cold weather was soothing to his stinging face as he stepped onto the sidewalk. It was late and he would normally hail a cab, but tonight he would walk. He needed the time to think, and the harsh wind would hopefully cool his face long enough for him to get home and drink until he was totally numb.
With the trouble he'd gotten himself into lately, it probably wasn't his wisest idea to drink, but seeing as no one would be dropping by to see him and wish him a Merry Christmas, he figured it would be safe enough. How much damage could he really do while holed up in his penthouse, with nothing but his television to talk to?
A lot.
He didn't get himself into the usual trouble, but he found over the next two days that he could get himself into plenty of trouble when the only activity he had to do was think. His brain was on overdrive, and the alcohol didn't really help matters. All he could think about was Elena and how she'd looked as she broke down in front of him. He'd been unable to help her, the damage already done. All he'd been able to do was watch and listen.
The woman that came back from Chicago, quiet and scared, was long gone. She did not stand and listen to him, with small arms wrapped tightly around herself. She did not tell him that she deserved whatever he had to throw at her. She did not tell him she was sorry on an annoying loop. And she certainly did not tell him that she loved him.
She told him that she hated him and that he'd broken her heart. She told him that he'd ruined her life. She'd told him that everything was his fault. She'd told him they were not friends. She'd told him she never wanted anything to do with him ever again. Most of all, she'd told him that she was glad they did not have a child together. And those were the words that hit home the hardest. Those were the words that would haunt him forever.
He'd seen what the miscarriage had done to her, how badly she'd wanted their baby. He had watched her through Caroline's pregnancy and the pained looks that would take hold of her face when she thought no one was looking. He knew that she still carried that loss with her on a daily basis, but he also knew that she meant those words when she said them. She might not mean them now or even five minutes after she said them, but she'd meant them in that moment. In that instant, she was relieved that she was not tied to him forever, that they did not share a bond that would link them for the rest of their lives.
Almost three years ago now, she'd hovered above him in bed, her soft fingers resting delicately on his face, and asked him not to break her heart. Her voice had been shaky and barely loud enough to reach his own ears. In that moment, he promised her that he wouldn't, and he meant it. That was the moment he'd realized he would do anything to keep from hurting her. He wanted to protect her from anyone that would hurt her. Turned out, he was the one he should have protected her against.
Through the next three years they'd inflict more pain than necessary on each other, but he couldn't deny that his blow was far worse than one she'd ever landed on him. She had been 22 and scared. He was an adult that knew what he was doing. He'd tried to tell himself his engagement wouldn't break her, but he knew it was a lie. He knew that she would never smile and accept the news after he'd slept with her and run out on her. He had been delusional to try and convince himself otherwise. He'd brought this all on himself, and now he was left to deal with the aftermath of it all. Only problem was, he didn't even know where to start.
So when his doorbell rang just after noon the day after Christmas, he didn't answer it. He stayed on his couch, a bottle of scotch in his hands, and a pillow over his eyes to block out as much light as possible.
It was just his luck, though, that the front door soon opened and Andie's voice filtered through his apartment. "Damon?" she called out, closing the door just a moment later.
He shot up, causing the pillow to fall from his face, and land with a soft thud by his feet. She didn't know about what had happened on Christmas Eve. In all of his obsessive thoughts about how to begin fixing the mess he was in with everyone, he hadn't even thought about what he was going to tell Andie about his face. She was supposed to be in Massachusetts with her family until the New Year. What was she doing back so soon?
"Andie, what are you doing here?" he asked as he tried to quickly straighten at least a little bit of his coffee table to minimize how bad the alcohol binge he'd gone on had been. "You're supposed to be with your family."
"You know how my dad is," she told him, and he could hear her footsteps coming closer. "I can only handle so much. I told him something came up with work and got back to the city." He tried to keep his face turned away from her as she dropped down on the couch next to him. "I missed you." Her hands encompassed his face and tried to turn it so she could see him, but when he resisted, she asked, "What's wrong?"
Slowly, she stood up and walked to his other side. Knowing he was stuck now, he didn't move his head again. He simply watched the shock come over her face, her eyes widening and her mouth falling open in disbelief. "Oh my god," she gasped. "What happened to your face?"
"You think this is bad? You should see the other guy," he tried to joke, but it fell flat.
"Are you okay?"
He pulled her searching fingers from his face and lowered them to her lap. "Let's just say that I think in terms of 'whose Christmas was worse?' I win."
"Who did this?"
While his first instinct might be to lie and make up a story about who had hit him, he knew he couldn't lie about this. The fallout with his family was big, and he wouldn't be able to hide that from her. "Stefan and I may have had a bit of a disagreement."
"Stefan did this to you?" she shrieked, her voice full of disbelief. "What in the world would ever possess him to do this?"
That was, of course, the million dollar question. Why would Stefan do this to him? What could he possibly tell her to explain why this had happened? There wasn't really anything he could say. Andie had known him for years, and subsequently known his relationship with Stefan. Though she knew they sometimes fought, she knew enough to know that they didn't fight like this. His relationship with his brother was sometimes rocky, but it was rare that they resorted to violence, especially over the holidays. She would not simply believe that Stefan had been stressed and taken it out on him.
"Things were tense and Stefan and I just got into it." The explanation was a crap one, and one that he knew wouldn't fly, but he still said it. He still tried it. Would she give him points for trying?
"If you think I'm stupid enough to believe that, I think you need to get your head checked out."
"Look, Andie, I know you're worried, but I'd really rather not talk about it. Stefan is furious with me, and if it's all the same to you, I'd like to not delve into the whole thing."
Andie sighed and moved away from Damon. Her hands twisted on her lap, and she looked at him in a mixture of suspicion and annoyance. "I've known you and Stefan long enough to know that he would never do this to you unless something big happened. Your brother fancies himself as your protector as much as you are his. So, you're going to have to work a little harder than 'things were tense.'"
"Andie," he sighed.
"Is this about Elena?" she blurted out, lifting determined eyes to meet his.
"Why would you ask me that?"
"Because I'm not blind," she stated, a resigned tone in her voice. "I know that Elena is still in love with you, and that she was supposed to be there on Christmas Eve. I also know that she's Caroline's best friend, and if she is upset, so is Caroline. If Caroline is upset, that means your brother is upset. So it all becomes this messed up circle where, ultimately, if Elena is mad at you, Stefan is mad at you. So, is this about Elena?"
"Yeah, it's about her," he softly said.
Damon looked past Andie and stared out the large window in his living room that left so much of the city on display for him. The snow was falling lightly, dusting the city in a soft, white blanket. For a few hours it would be crisp and untouched, but as time wore on, the pristine white snow would turn black and mushy. The beauty would be gone. It was an odd reflection of him. On the outside, he was great and beautiful, but the sheen always wore off, and the truth was revealed that he was neither of those things. He was cold and ruthless. He'd hurt countless people, and now he had another person sitting in front of him, letting the power to hurt her rest solely in his hands.
He'd hurt so many people in the past few days, and he was now on the verge of doing that to yet another. Andie was the most innocent of them all in this mess. She hadn't asked to be involved in the disaster of his life. He'd brought her in, lulled her into this false sense of comfort, and now he could shatter that, or allow that feeling to last as long as possible. Much like the day he proposed to her, he was now left with two options.
"What's going on, Damon?" she whispered, fear evident in her voice. "What happened with Elena to make Stefan mad enough to do this?"
He met her apprehensive gaze that was filled with so much uncertainty that he didn't know how to fix it. He didn't know how to fix anything right now. He just knew that everything was a disaster and he didn't want it to be. Elena was gone and she hated him. After all this time, she was truly lost to him. If she moved back to Virginia, like her aunt wanted, she'd get her wish and he'd never see her again. If he told Andie, and Elena moved out of the city, would he really accomplish anything positive? He would hurt Andie for something that was already gone.
He couldn't do that. He'd done too much damage already. He couldn't add her name to his list of victims. She had a luxury that none of them had right now. She got to remain oblivious to the pain and anguish going on around her. He could keep her happy while everyone else sorted through the destruction. He could keep her out of it all.
So, much like he'd been doing for the past several months, he looked at her and assured her that everything was fine. "Elena had a few things she wanted to get off of her chest the other night, and it didn't end well. You're right that Caroline got mad at me, which resulted in Stefan being mad at me. We fought and said some things we'll probably regret, but it's done. We'll all get some space for a few days and then everything will go back to normal."
Andie slowly lifted timid fingers to Damon's bruised cheek. "This doesn't look like a normal fight that's going to blow over in a few days, Damon. I know you and Stefan."
"It was worse than normal," he softly acknowledged, "But he's my brother, and we'll be fine. We're always fine."
He said it because it had to be true. They'd had big fights and small fights throughout the years, but they always came out on the other side. This time couldn't be any different. He may have done more damage than normal, but Stefan was his brother. He was going to be a father soon, and there was no way that they would not come together for that. They were going to be okay. They always were.
He would let Stefan cool off for a few days and then go to him to smooth things out. Until that time came, there was little else he could do about the situation. He needed to focus on something else, and that something else was sitting right in front of him. She was wearing his ring on her finger and they'd agreed to get married. With everything else that he'd messed up, he wouldn't mess this up. He would focus on Andie and their wedding. Nobody else needed him right now, but she did, so he'd be here for her. He'd be what she needed when he had failed so horribly at being what everyone else needed.