Chapter 36
And all the roads that lead you there are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you, but I don't know how
"What do you mean she left town?" Damon demanded as Caroline stared at him, a smug smile on her face. "What do you mean, Caroline?"
"I mean, she's on a plane that just left for Nashville. She's gone." Caroline reached out and gently retrieved Sawyer from Stefan's arms and nuzzled him against her. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take care of my son. He should be getting hungry any minute now." She brushed past Stefan on her way into the church, and he could hear her hiss out, "Do something."
Stefan rolled his eyes in agitation as he watched his wife bounce away, a new spring in her step at the bomb she'd just happily dropped on Damon. "My wife has lost her damn mind."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, baby bro," Damon comforted his brother. "She never had it to begin with."
Stefan turned back to Damon and sighed. "Don't listen to Caroline. Elena isn't going after Matt or anything."
"Then what is she doing?" He knew that Elena didn't have feelings for Matt, she'd resolved those years ago, but that knowledge gave him little comfort right now. Because according to his sister-in-law she was going to him. She'd left, and for how long, he didn't know. He'd sent her away, but he hadn't wanted her to actually leave town.
"She doesn't know. Bonnie and Elena won't tell her anything. All she knows is that Elena has gone to Nashville to see Matt, and Bonnie is going with her. She's coming back, though."
Damon stiffened at his brother's words, becoming suspicious at the confidence in his voice. "You sound pretty sure of that."
Stefan apprehensively looked away. "Caroline may have told me that Elena was leaving town for a bit and that she'd be back soon."
"You just said Bonnie and Elena aren't telling her anything. How does she know this?"
"Because Elena told her that when she called from the airport a couple hours ago. She said she was leaving town to do something she should have done a long time ago, but that she'd be back."
"And you didn't tell me this, why?" he demanded, roughly grabbing hold of Stefan's arm and pulling him toward him until he lifted his eyes back to Damon's.
The green orbs lit with anger and he shoved Damon away. "Because someone has spent the past four hours telling anyone who would listen that you didn't care what Elena did. All you've had to say is that we suck for questioning whether you should get married to Andie or not, and that this was absolutely what you needed to do. You've been deadest that you're marrying Andie. So why would I tell you that Elena left town and that she's going to see Matt?"
"Because I had a right to know," he snapped.
"Then why'd you send her away?" Stefan challenged. "If you thought you had a right to know anything about Elena why didn't you tell her to stay?"
The loud, blaring noise of Damon's cell phone sliced through the dead silence of the night, jolting him out of a restful sleep. He dug his hand out from under his pillow, and slid it over his nightstand, knocking off a few items in the process, until he finally had the offensive object in his grasp. He answered the call and slammed his phone to his ear, barking out a disgruntled, "What?"
"It's go time!" Stefan's loud voice greeted him.
"What?" Damon repeated, now confused instead of just angry from having his sleep interrupted.
"Caroline's in labor! We're having the baby!"
Damon sat up, fully awake now. "Are you sure this isn't a false alarm? You told me it was go time three days ago and it wasn't. If you're dragging me out of bed at one in the morning, the baby better be coming out."
"It's real! Now get your ass to the hospital."
"Okay, on my way." He was about to hang up when he brought the phone back to his ear. "Wait! Do you want Cuban cigars or would you rather something not illegal?"
"I don't care about fucking cigars, Damon. Just get to the hospital."
"Why is it that I have to be there if the baby isn't born yet?" he questioned.
"Because I said so. Caroline is having another contraction, I don't have time to talk about this stupid crap." And with that, Stefan disconnected the call, leaving Damon to stare down at his phone incredulously.
"Rude," he murmured, but rolled out of bed and began getting ready nonetheless.
He didn't quite understand why he was needed at the hospital, just so he could sit in the waiting room until the baby was born, but if Stefan wanted him there, he'd be there. Things were still undeniably tense since Christmas, and he wasn't in the mood to rock the boat. There had been no more punching or yelling, but their relationship was strained.
He'd been stupid and naïve when he believed he could somehow come out of the situation with Elena without demolishing everything around him. He'd buried his head in the sand about a lot of things after he slept with her. With delusions of grandeur, he'd convinced himself that if he could just talk to Elena, things would be better. He thought that they'd somehow be able to stay friends. It took until she came back from Mystic Falls for him to begin to accept that they couldn't be friends.
Every fiber of his being told him not to walk out her apartment door that day, not like that, but he hadn't been able to deny her. She looked so broken and tired, like she hadn't gotten any real peace in years, and he'd been unable to push her anymore. A part of him wondered now if he could have pushed her, if he could have gotten something out of her if he didn't leave then, but he wouldn't know. He'd stayed true to his word since he walked out, hadn't called her or seen her once since then.
It was hard to not know how she was or what she was doing. Caroline and Stefan were still blocking him out from all things Elena, refusing to even mention her name. He wanted to know how she was. He wanted to know how she was dealing with the impending arrival of his nephew. Every time he saw or spoke to Caroline or Stefan, he was reminded that this baby, who seemed like a foreign concept at the moment, was soon going to be real. His brother was about to be a father, and all of the advice that he should be able to bombard his baby brother with was nowhere to be found.
He had no advice to give, and the reality of it didn't truly hit him until these last few weeks. Everything suddenly felt real now. Before, he had been able to tell himself that it was still a way's off; the baby wouldn't come for a long time. That time was up now. The baby was coming and he'd be here within a few hours. He hadn't quite prepared himself for this day, if one could even prepare for it, but it was here, and he had to do this whether he was ready for it or not.
So he got ready to leave for the hospital, taking far more time than necessary, but it was still the middle of the night. A little slowness was to be expected. Not in the mood to find a taxi, he called his driver, who was probably thinking up ways to murder him right at this very moment, and went to sit on his bed for a few moments to attempt to gather his thoughts before the car got here.
Andie was out of town with her family right now, doing something campaign related, so he would be flying solo for this whole thing. He grabbed the present he bought for the baby last month out of his office, and left his apartment. Before long he was standing in the maternity ward, glued to his spot. Stefan had told him which room Caroline was in, and the signs clearly pointed in the correct direction, but he couldn't seem to make himself go toward the room.
Instead, he turned back around and got on the elevator. He pressed the button for a random floor, not paying any attention to where he was actually going. He just knew he couldn't go into Caroline's room yet. Elena would most likely be in there and he didn't know how to face her. The last time he'd seen her had been in her apartment and he hadn't prepared himself for what their next interaction would be like. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that she wanted nothing to do with him, and though he'd respected those wishes, he wasn't on that same page. He still wanted everything to do with her, and he didn't know how to walk into that hospital room and pretend otherwise.
For twenty minutes he wandered the hospital, trying to build the courage to go upstairs, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He needed to know what he was going into first. He needed to know whether or not she was there. So, he pulled his phone from his pocket and called his brother.
"What?" Came his brother's terse greeting when he answered his phone.
"What room are you in? I'm totally lost." He played dumb, not really too concerned with the frustration Stefan would feel at the situation. It wasn't like Caroline was having the baby this very moment; he could leave the room for five minutes.
By the time he ended the call, he was certain that his brother was, in fact, very pissed off at him, but he was on his way, and that was what counted. Now he could get some inside information on whether or not Elena was there, and if she was, he could learn how she was and what she was doing.
"Come on," his brother snapped as he appeared around a corner and waved Damon toward him. "Caroline's contractions are four minutes apart. I need to get back." Damon went to him and quickly fell into step next to his brother, who asked, "I don't have time to talk, so spit it out. Why'd you act like you couldn't find the room? What's wrong?"
Since Stefan seemed to want to jump right in, Damon decided he would follow his lead. "Is Elena there?"
"That's really why you dragged me away from my wife who is in labor? Seriously, Damon?"
"I haven't seen the girl since she got back and told me she wanted nothing to do with me. You can't blame me for being curious if she's up there or not, and if so, whether she's said anything about me?"
"Are you twelve?" Stefan bit out while punching a finger into the elevator button. "Scratch that, don't answer it. No, she's not there, but she's on her way, so suck it up, you're going to have to deal with her."
"I don't have a problem dealing with her," Damon clarified. "She's the one who doesn't want to see me."
"I can't imagine why not," he mumbled.
Damon shot Stefan a curious look as they stepped onto the elevator. "Since when are you Team Elena?"
Stefan scoffed. "Oh, trust me, I'm not. I'm just smart enough to understand why she might not be jumping up and down to talk to you." They exited the elevator and Stefan began briskly walking toward Caroline's room. "So, Elena's going to be here for this labor, don't start anything. Caroline's decided she doesn't want an epidural, which means she's doing this without any pain medication. Keep everything nice and sunshiney bright around her, because I swear, if you piss her off tonight, I will throw you out this window." He grabbed hold of the doorknob and sent Damon a serious look. "We clear?"
"Yeah," Damon nodded, "We're clear."
"Good," he smiled, "Now put on your game face." He swung the door open and rushed into the room, Damon completely forgotten. "Are you okay? Did anything happen while I was gone?"
He was immediately distracted from the small reunion as his eyes spotted Elena and Bonnie on the other side of the room. What the hell happened to her not being here? He wasn't prepared for this. She wasn't supposed to be here yet. It took considerable effort to keep his gaze off of her long enough to shut the door and mentally get himself together. She was here, and he couldn't change that.
Well, it wasn't like he really wanted to change it. He didn't want her to not be here. He wanted to see her and talk to her. He just thought he'd had a little more time before he would be faced with her. Seeing her here now, and watching her gaze quickly fall away from him as he turned toward her made this whole thing feel more real. He was here because he was going to be an uncle in a few hours. For the first time since they lost their child, they were going to be faced with a baby they both had connections to, and he didn't think it would be as easy as he wanted it to be.
His first real clue of that was when Caroline had another contraction. Instead of watching his brother try to get Caroline through it, his attention was drawn to Elena, who watched on with a look of agony on her face. He knew some of that pain came from watching her best friend go through this painful experience, but he also knew where most of it came from, and he wished he could do something to change that. Instead, he could only remain frozen as Elena and Bonnie made a speedy getaway after the contraction was over, leaving him alone with his brother and sister-in-law, and in a room with Caroline while she was in labor was just about the last place he wanted to be.
This was something he wasn't afraid to share. "I like where her head's at," he said in regards to Bonnie's insistence of leaving the room moments before. "Can I leave now too?"
The moment the words were out of his mouth, he knew he wasn't going to get out of here in one piece, but it didn't stop him from backing toward the door and trying anyway. Once Caroline raised her hand and gave him a pointed glare, he stopped, admitting his defeat. "Not so fast. You and I have a few things we need to discuss."
And then they were off, bickering back and forth about a topic he absolutely did not want to discuss. She had it in her head that being in labor gave her a free pass to say whatever she wanted, and apparently she had a lot she wanted to say, all of it involving him and Elena. She poked and prodded, telling him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life and he had to go after Elena now. She swore that Elena was in love with him, and would take him back if he just went to her, but he denied her at every turn. Caroline might think she had them all pegged, but he just didn't see it the same way she did.
Elena had been completely clear when he'd shown up at her apartment after she returned from Mystic Falls. She wanted him to leave her completely alone. She wanted absolutely no contact with him. His brilliant idea of sleeping with her and then proposing to Andie had been the last straw for her. After months of trying to make things better with them, she was done. He didn't doubt that Elena still loved him, but he didn't believe that she'd ever allow herself to be vulnerable again. He'd made his decisions, and they were what they were, no matter how badly Caroline wished otherwise.
She refused to back down, though, telling him he was wrong about each argument he gave her. It was easy to realize that she wasn't going to drop this. So, when she had another contraction, he saw his out. While she was distracted, he slipped from the room, with the internal promise to himself to not come back until the baby was born. That was all something he didn't need to be a part of.
He was going to be most happy biding his time in the waiting room. It might be boring, but at least he wouldn't be in that hospital room, and he might even get the chance to talk to Elena. However, that was a hope that was quickly dashed when he sat down across from both her and Bonnie. As long as she had Bonnie by her side, he wouldn't get a chance to say anything he wanted.
He'd still try though.
"Hey," he said quietly, trying to softly test the waters.
Bonnie looked up at him, but said nothing. Elena's eyes slowly lifted to his and she barely got out, "Hi," before looking away from him again.
"How are you?" He knew it was probably useless, but he tried nonetheless to engage her in some sort of conversation. Anything would be better than nothing at this point.
"Busy," she replied a few moments later, but offered nothing more.
"I heard you got promoted. That's good. Congratulations."
God, could he sound like more of an idiot right now? He didn't think he'd ever worked this hard to talk to a girl in his life. That was the beauty of Elena Gilbert though. She made him do a lot of things that he'd never done. Almost four years later, and he still didn't know why or how, but he kept doing those things. Sometimes they'd led to great things for them, and others they'd resulted in a world of hurt that should keep him as far away from her as possible no matter what. He never stayed far away though. He kept coming back for more, even when he shouldn't, but this time, Elena wasn't going to let him.
She rose from her chair and looked down at Bonnie. "I'm gonna go sit with Caroline for a bit. Stefan could probably use the help."
Bonnie gave her a thumbs up. "Yeah, you have fun with that. I think I'm gonna stay out here, away from the crazy woman in labor."
Elena's gaze bounced nervously from Bonnie to him, as if she wasn't sure that she should leave them alone together. It was no secret that he and Bonnie did not get along. When Bonnie waved her off, though, she reluctantly backed away. The internal debate was evident on her face, but he figured her desire for self-preservation must have won out, because she soon turned and fled the room like it was on fire.
Bonnie waited for Elena to leave before she looked at Damon and groaned in annoyance, letting her feelings be known. Her behavior could only make him laugh and say, "Don't worry, Bonnie. You're not who I want to spend my evening with either."
"Whatever, just try not to sleep with me. Think you can handle that?"
"Oh, you have my word that I'll give it my best shot," he assured her.
"Cause that's worth so much." She sent a tight smile his way and then rolled her eyes. Now there was the Bonnie he knew and loved.
"Never change, tiny judgmental one. Never change."
She shifted in her seat, stretching her legs out over the seat next to her and then laid her head against the wall, turning her body away from his. "Jackass," she huffed out.
Now that all forms of conversation had been utterly decimated, he was left sitting in silence in some uncomfortable chair on the maternity ward. This was just freaking dandy. In fact, he didn't know why he didn't do it more often. Maybe that could be his new hobby, sitting in the maternity ward and contemplating throwing himself off the roof. Sounded like good times.
And good times it was as the time slowly ticked by. At some point, after Bonnie had fallen asleep, he managed to drift away for close to an hour before the pain in his neck, from sleeping in a sitting position, woke him up. The lights had been dimmed lightly and the waiting room was now empty, save for him and Bonnie. Apparently, everyone else had been granted their freedom, something he wouldn't mind getting right about now.
Seeing as that wouldn't be happening though, he stood up and stretched his arms over his head. He needed to walk around for a bit, because if he had to sit in that chair for another moment he was going to go insane. He was sure he looked crazy wandering the halls on the labor and delivery floor, but thanks to the time of night and quiet hallways, no one paid him much attention. It was just him and the antiseptic smell that surrounded him.
A door closed at the end of the hallway and he looked up in time to see Elena watching him for a brief moment before she turned and walked in the other direction. He watched after her until she disappeared around a corner, unsure whether he should go after her or leave her be. She didn't look like a woman who wanted anyone's company, but something had his feet moving after her, even though he knew he shouldn't. She wouldn't want him to go to her. She would want to be alone, but he went, needing to see her and talk to her.
He found Elena at the end of a dark, empty hallway, staring out the wall of windows that overlooked the dark city. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and her eyes looked straight ahead, but he doubted they saw anything in front of her. He didn't need to get any closer to her to know her brown orbs would be filled with sadness and pain, emotions he understood all too well in this moment.
"You didn't have to follow me," she whispered after he'd been staring at her for several moments.
"I know," he acknowledged. He knew Elena could handle this on her own, she'd be fine. He knew he probably shouldn't be here right now, that she might not even want him here, but he had to try. In some weird, messed up way, they were in this together. He took small steps toward her, being sure to move slowly to allow her the chance to tell him to stop at any time. She never did though, and he found himself standing only a foot beside her in front of the large window. "I think it might snow." She nodded mutely. "How's Caroline?" he then questioned, trying his hand at a different tactic.
"For a woman who's been in labor for more than 12 hours? Remarkably well."
Damon couldn't help but smirk at Elena's words. Caroline would be the one in a million women that handled labor like it was just another day at the office. "That girl is unlike any other person I've ever met on the face of this planet."
It was now Elena's turn to smile ever so softly. "Caroline is unlike any person that anyone has ever met. She's one of a kind."
They fell immediately back into silence, Elena's eyes trained outward, and his eyes trained on her. Something about it felt very symbolic of their dynamic. She had always been looking ahead, whether it was when they were strictly having sex or when she left for Chicago, she was always focused on the future. There was a vital part of her missing that allowed her to live one day at a time. He, on the other hand, had always remained focused on her. He didn't think of the future or the past, just her. He'd never cared what the next day would bring, as long as he had her by his side.
One day, she hadn't been by his side anymore, and he was left falling with no one to catch him. His affinity for living day by day had backfired on him. He was alone with an engagement ring he'd purchased for her sitting in his nighstand mocking him like a cruel joke. The one future he'd dared to dream of turned into a nightmare that he had been forced to live.
"I can't believe Caroline is actually doing this without any pain medication," he commented after he couldn't take the silence anymore. "The girl looks like she's going to cry when she stubs her toe."
"Damon," she sighed, "Why are you here? You didn't come find me to talk about Caroline."
No, he didn't, but it was the only topic he could formulate any coherent sentences on at the moment. Every other topic was like a bomb that was ready to detonate at the slightest misstep. He hadn't quite figured out how to navigate the territory safely, so he talked about Caroline, because no conversation that included her could ever lead to anything bad.
But she was also the one telling him to walk though; to walk straight into the war zone without a care in the world if everything exploded. So perhaps she wasn't the safe topic she'd been in the past. "I thought you could use a friend."
"We're not friends." She'd said the words a lot to him since he proposed to Andie, but they still hurt just as much now as they had the first time. He understood that he'd messed up when he did what he did, but he couldn't manage to wrap his mind around the fact that he and Elena weren't anything to each other anymore. A world where he had no connection to her didn't make sense in his head, no matter what she said.
So he turned to her and grabbed her arms in his hands, forcing her to turn and face him as well. She was resisting his grasp, but he was stronger, and soon she was right in front of him, her face inches from his. The pain that radiated from her was so powerful and truthful that it felt like a kick to the gut.
"I can't sit in that waiting room and act like I don't know what this night really means."
"Tonight is about Stefan and Caroline and the family they're creating, nothing else."
"That's not true and you know it."
"Don't talk to me about truth, Damon." There was a slight edge to her voice that immediately had Damon on his guard, reminding him of the fact that he didn't want to argue with her. The last thing he wanted to do to her on this night was make it any worse. He wanted to be there for her, to help her, not hurt her.
Sometimes he wondered if he was even capable of that anymore. All they seemed to do was wound each other, no matter what their intentions seemed to be. Where there was once nothing but love and purity, there was now a sea of pain that separated them. When she first lost the baby, he believed that he could get through it, that he could reach her and pull her back to him. The more time that past, the further apart they grew, and his belief in his ability to bring her back to him faded. Then everything changed, and she was the one working to pull him back to her, while he fought to cause her pain and anguish. It all seemed so pointless now as he stared at her in this dark hallway, but the sensible side in him rarely seemed to react when it came to Elena, and tonight was no different.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
She turned judgmental eyes up at him. "How's the wedding planning going?"
"Elena, I ..." he began softly, taking another step toward her, but she quickly shook her head and cut him off.
"Don't, Damon. Do us both a favor and don't waste your breath trying to make any of this better. We know you can't."
"I don't know anything," he denied. "I don't believe that we can't fix this."
"There's nothing to fix anymore, Damon. We should've given up for good a long time ago."
"And how are we supposed to do that?" he challenged. "Tell me, because I really don't know how to do that."
"You should really be the one telling me. You're the one that really gave up when you proposed to Andie."
"And I said that I was sorry. I shouldn't have done the things I did. I made a mistake."
"And what exactly is that mistake?" she questioned quietly. "You keep telling me that you're sorry and you messed up. You know that something is severely wrong in your life right now, but you can't actually tell me what it is. You can't tell me whether you shouldn't have slept with me or if you shouldn't have proposed to Andie. Do you even know what the mistake was?"
"Andie's a great girl," he finally admitted. "I love her and she's always been there for me. She doesn't deserve what I've done to her. She deserves better." He stopped himself and sighed. "You both do. You both deserve better than me." He could see Elena swallow thickly, on edge for what he'd say next. "Rationally, I know this, but it doesn't stop me from wanting things that I shouldn't."
"What do you want?" Her voice was so soft, he could hardly understand her, but he understood enough.
He opened his mouth, searching for the right words to say to her, unsure of how he could word what he so desperately wanted to say.
"Elena!" Bonnie came skidding around the corner, out of breath and smiling. If she was puzzled by how she'd found him and Elena, she didn't show it. "Caroline had the baby. He's here!"
Even though he wasn't touching Elena, he could still feel her tense. It sent out a wave that washed over him, making him want to reach out and grab her hand, touch her anything. Instead, all he could do was turn and look at her. She stared up at him, her brown eyes pleading with him for something he knew he could not give. Just moments ago she was telling him he couldn't make anything better, but now she was practically begging him.
He knew it wasn't a conscious choice, or even something she knew she was even doing. She was thrown off from the announcement of Caroline having given birth, and the time that she'd wanted to take to mentally prepare herself for it, he'd torn from her. It was why she was hiding at the end of this dark hallway, and he knew that, but he didn't leave her alone. He didn't allow her peace to try and come to terms with what was going on. He never seemed to be able to do that, and now that she needed him to make it better, he knew that he couldn't. He'd give anything to make this better for her, to take away the pain, but he knew that could never happen.
With a heavy heart and hands itching to reach out and touch her, he watched her sigh and turn to look at Bonnie. She smiled softly and took a step forward. "Let's go meet the little guy."
Bonnie's smile faltered slightly when Elena walked toward her, but she quickly recovered and held her hand out for Elena. He followed behind them, watching as they linked arms and made their way through the quiet hospital hallways. They were outside of Caroline's hospital room all too quickly for his liking, and all three of them paused, both anxiously watching Elena, waiting for her 'go ahead.'
Elena looked to Bonnie and took a deep breath before nodding and reaching out for the door handle. Her movements were tentative and slow, but soon the door was open and he was seemingly thrust into the room.
Caroline and Stefan were huddled together on the bed, staring down contentedly at the small blue bundle in Caroline's arms. They didn't notice the new occupants of their room, and it was only when Bonnie cleared her throat that they reluctantly tore their eyes away from their son.
"Hi." Caroline smiled up at them. She looked tired, but she was also overflowing with happiness. "We have a son."
Elena and Bonnie carefully approached the bed and peered down at the small child in her arms. "Oh my god, look at his little cheeks." Elena reached out and ran one of her fingers over. "He's adorable, Caroline."
"Well, he's made up of my genes, of course he's adorable."
"Hey, he's half me too," Stefan spoke up, his eyes glued back to his son. "Aren't ya, buddy?"
Damon stayed back by the door, wanting to stay out of the way while the girls saw his nephew. While a part of him was anxious to see this baby that his brother had been so excited for, a part of him was also okay with waiting for a while. He didn't know quite yet where he really stood with meeting his nephew as opposed to just knowing he'd have one.
Something about it felt wrong, and he knew that was horrible, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't change the fact that he felt that it wasn't supposed to be this way. Stefan should have been asking him for advice these past few months, not trying to make sense of the mess he'd gotten his life into. He was supposed to have it together at this point. He was supposed to be married to Elena and have a child with her. He was supposed to be a father.
That wasn't how his life worked out, though. He wasn't a father, and he was never going to be one, at least not to a child of Elena's. He was engaged to Andie. She was going to be his wife, and he didn't know if that would ever feel completely right.
"Damon," Stefan grabbed onto his shoulder, catching him by surprise, "Come outside with me for a minute." He looked back to the three women gathered excitedly around the bed before looking to his brother, who motioned to the door behind him. "Come on." He gently ushered Damon out into the hallway and closed the door behind him.
"What's up?" Damon asked, once they had started walking down the hallway.
"Thought we'd give the girls some time to do their thing, and maybe talk for a few minutes."
Damon's pace soon slowed at the worried tone of his brother's voice. "Spit it out, Stefan. The sooner we get this over, the sooner you get to be back to your son."
"I'm sorry about what Caroline did earlier. She went a little crazy with the whole natural birth thing. The pain did something to her brain. I think she short-circuited there for a bit."
Damon chuckled softly. "You don't believe that for a moment. Caroline meant every word she said."
"I'm still sorry. She shouldn't have said things like that. Your business is your business. We shouldn't be involved in it."
"Basically, you're telling me you think Caroling is right." Damon wasn't stupid. He knew his brother better than anyone, possibly better than Caroline. Stefan rarely came out and voiced a strong opinion about decisions that other people made. He was a firm believer in letting people make their own choices, but he was plenty passive aggressive in his comments. This was his way of saying he agreed with his wife, but he would stay out of it, because it wasn't his place to make his feelings known.
"I'm not saying that."
"But you're not exactly saying she's wrong."
"Look," Stefan stopped in front of a vending machine and turned to look at Damon, "I'm not saying she's right, but she sees things differently than I do. I have more of a biased opinion about all of this. She loves Elena and she loves you. She probably has a more rational view on this than I do. And yes, I'm apprehensive about things right now. The way you proposed to Andie isn't ideal, and I'm worried that you haven't thought this through."
"Trust me, Stefan, not a day goes by that I don't think about all of this. I love Andie. She's good to me, and she always has been. You've known her almost as long as I have. They don't make many girls as good as her."
"You can understand why that doesn't make me feel better about all of this right? You love her, and I know that, but are you really in love with her?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"The kind of question that needs to be asked. I know you think Caroline and I are crazy and pathetically in love with each other, but I didn't sleep with another woman the night before I proposed to her. That's something you need to think about, Damon. You don't sleep with one woman and then propose to another within hours."
"You think that's what happened?"
"Well, isn't it?" Stefan challenged, but then he sighed, like all of the fight had been knocked out of him. "Damon, I don't want you to think I'm attacking you or telling you you're wrong, but I don't want you to wake up one day, ten years later, and realize that you've made a mistake. It'll be too late then, and I don't want that for you. I just want you to be happy, no matter who that's with."
"Come on, Stefan. You can't stand Elena. We both know she's the last person you want me with."
"I wasn't exactly a fan of Katherine either, but that didn't stop you from going back to her." Stefan turned to the vending machine and dropped a few coins into it before choosing a soda. He bent down and retrieved it after it fell loudly to the tray that caught it. When he straightened and took in the annoyed look on Damon's face, his own fell. "I'm sorry, okay? I'll drop it. Watching my wife in pain for hours on end is a pretty draining process, even if I did get the best gift out of it at the end. Just forget I said anything."
"I'm not mad," he tried to explain to his brother, because he really wasn't. He'd stuck his nose into Stefan's business far more than he should have over the years, so he couldn't very well cry foul when Stefan pried into his life once every few years. "I just don't know what you want me to say. I don't know what I even can say. I've made my bed, that's all there is to it."
"Let's just go back to the room." They walked in relative silence back through the hallways, leaving Damon with time to think; time that he now didn't want inside of his head. Twenty minutes ago, he wanted nothing more than to have a few moments to sort through his thoughts, now he wanted nothing to do with them. He could never quite seem to get them in line with what was going on around him. He could never just get it together, and apparently people were catching onto this.
Right outside of the room, he caught Stefan's arm as he reached out to open the door. "Wait a second." Stefan turned to face him, a curious expression on his face. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?"
His brother opened his mouth but then quickly closed it. His eyes darkened and he looked to the floor for several moments, piecing something together in his head that Damon couldn't read. Finally, he looked back up and shook his head, a dejected look in his eyes. "I think the fact that you're asking me if you're making one is your answer."
Stefan didn't wait for Damon to respond before he swung the door open and reentered Caroline's room. All signs of stress or anxiety fell from him the moment he stepped through the door and joined Caroline on the bed again. "Welcome back," she whispered, leaning over to place a small kiss on his lips.
The couple fell easily into their own world for a few moments, but Damon paid no attention. He instead fell into a completely different world. His eyes landed on Elena standing near the window his nephew in her arms. She stared down at the small child, a warm, relaxed look on her face. A lazy smile stretched her lips as she swayed back and forth with him, speaking too softly for Damon to hear.
The sight before him was beautiful and painful all at the same time. He realized now that this was what he'd been trying to prepare himself for. It wasn't meeting his nephew or trying to wrap his mind around the concept of his brother being a father before him that he was scared of. It was this moment, right here, right now. It was seeing Elena with that child that he'd been afraid of. It was the very real visual of what his life was supposed to be that he was scared to see.
As if she could feel his gaze on her, she froze and lifted her head. Her eyes met his across the room and a deep sadness flooded them. She inhaled a shaky breath before beginning the slow walk toward him. Her steps were soft, but deliberate, letting him know that she was coming to him. Everything else in the room fell away as she got closer, and he could finally see the baby in her arms. Peeking out from the blue blanket, he could see rosy pink cheeks, and two parted, plump lips. She stopped right in front of him, allowing him to fully peer down at his nephew. His eyes were open, revealing the soft blue hue of his eyes.
"Want to hold him?" she asked quietly, twisting so Damon could easily retrieve him from her arms. "You want to meet your Uncle Damon?" When Damon reached out for him, she gently handed him over while whispering, "Say hello to Sawyer Damon Salvatore."
He stared down at his nephew in awe for a brief moment before Elena's words hit him and his head shot up. He looked to her and then to Caroline and Stefan, who were anxiously watching him from her bed. "What?" he gasped.
Caroline smiled broadly and happily nodded her head. "We couldn't bare to inflate your ego too much by having his first name be after you, but we thought it would be okay to maybe make it his middle name."
"But," he started, shaking his head back and forth, unable to form any other words. After the crazy shit he'd pulled with them in the past few years he was not egotistical enough to think he deserved to have a kid named after him. His brother had beaten him up weeks ago for crying out loud, and now his nephew was named after him?
"Seeing as how we're so uncool, I figured we needed to give him at least a decent shot at life," his brother teased. "What do you think? You okay with your nephew sharing your name?"
A broad smile broke out across his face and he eagerly said, "Hell yeah." Then he remembered the small bundle in his arms and quickly looked down, eyes wide and apologetic. "I mean heck," he corrected himself. "Actually, let's just make a deal right now, anything you hear me say, you don't say."
"Best advice you'll ever give," Caroline told him and they all laughed softly.
"Do either of you need anything?" Elena asked from beside him after they'd all quieted down.
Caroline smiled, her eyes wide. "Could you go get me some chips and cookies from the vending machine? I would have had Stefan get some, but someone didn't tell me he was making a vending machine trip." She playfully elbowed him in his side. "Pretty please," she begged. "I'll love you forever and ever!"
"Okay, before you offer to hand over your son for food, we'll go," Bonnie joked. She stood from the chair she was sitting in next to the bed and walked over to Elena. "Any other requests?" she posed the question for everyone else in the room, but when everyone declined, she grabbed Elena's arm and quietly slipped from the room.
Damon moved further into the room, still looking down at his nephew, whose eyes had now fallen closed. "You called dad yet?"
"Yeah, he's on his way. And Caroline's mom has booked the next flight out."
"I think we're going to have a busy house for the next few weeks," Caroline mused.
"Well, you can rest assured that I will be out of your hair for the next few weeks," Damon told them.
"What? No." Stefan quickly shook his head, not assured by his words at all. "What are you talking about?"
"Come on, everyone is going to want to come see you. You're not going to want me around."
"Damon, he's your nephew and we named him after you. Of course we want you around."
"Besides, who else is going to be mean enough to kick people when your brother and I are too nice to do it?" Caroline asked. "Just face it, Damon, you're going to be spending a lot of time at our place. Yup, you and Elena will be spending lots and lots of time at our house." When he opened his mouth to say something back to her, she quickly continued on. "You're holding my son, you have to do everything I say, and I say you have to come over whenever I want you to."
Damon looked back down at his nephew and sighed. "You know what? I'm not even going to argue with you right now. I'll allow this little guy a few months of innocence before he realizes how bat shit crazy his mother is."
"Language," Stefan warned, but there was a lightness in his tone that didn't leave Damon too worried about what he'd said.
The three fell into a comfortable silence, all content to focus on the newest addition to the Salvatore family. He truly wasn't lying when he said he wouldn't argue with Caroline, it just wasn't worth it right now. Most of the time, Damon Salvatore might be one cold-hearted bastard, but it was pretty impossible to hold this tiny person in his arms and feel anything but love. Though the pain still lingered underneath, he knew that it couldn't reach the amount of love he already felt for his nephew. Just like he'd always protected his brother, he knew that he'd protect Sawyer.
"I come bearing snacks," Bonnie announced proudly ten minutes later. Her arms were filled with tons of unhealthy snack items from the vending machines, and she gave them all to a very excited Caroline. "Elena and I just decided to go a little crazy. You gave birth, you get all the junk food you want."
Caroline eagerly dug into a package of some sort of chocolate product with icing on top of it. "You are a godsend." In fact, she seemed so excited about her snacks, she didn't appear to notice that Elena hadn't returned to the room, and Bonnie wasn't saying anything. But Damon had noticed. He looked toward the door for several moments, waiting for her to come bounding through as well, but it remained shut.
After a couple more minutes passed and she still hadn't returned, his curiosity got the best of him. He couldn't stand in there any longer, wondering where she was. So he went over to the bed and handed his nephew to his brother. "Okay, you can have your son back," he groaned. "I can't handle your stares anymore."
Stefan didn't bother to question why he was getting his son back, just simply pulled him into his arms and smiled happily down at him. "Can't help it if I was worried that you might drop him if a pretty nurse came in."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm going to go get some coffee. I'll be back." When he heard no protests, he quickly fled the room and found himself searching the hallways once again for Elena. She wasn't in the same place she was last time, and once he realized that, he knew where she'd be. He didn't know how he knew, but he just did. His feet took him through the winding halls until he reached his destination, and sure enough, she was there. "Elena," he called out softly.
Standing in front of the clear window that showcased all of the newborns, she turned to him. The tears shined brightly in her eyes and her bottom lip quivered as he moved toward her. She said nothing, only able to sadly shake her head back and forth when he reached out to her. She held a hand up in protest when he didn't halt his movements, but he didn't head this warning either. He pushed forward, refusing to give into this desire of hers.
His hands finally reached her and he grabbed hold of her shoulders tight enough to pull her against him. At his touch she crumbled, giving up all pretense of fighting him. She shook in his arms and every part of him hurt when her crying began. Everything she'd been holding in, she finally released, letting it all go in his arms. And for the first time in years, he got to truly hold her again. He got to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight in the way he hadn't been allowed since she lost their child, and he never wanted to let go.