Chapter 37
I didn't feel the fairytale feeling, no
Am I a stupid girl for even dreaming that I could?
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Turn. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Turn.
Andie counted each step she took across the hotel suite, counting to six each and every time before she twisted on her heel and began her walk in the other direction for another six steps before turning and starting all over again. She'd been pacing for exactly one hour and fourty-seven minutes. That was how long it had been since she had last talked to Damon, left with the promise that he would be at the church. And as of right now, he still wasn't there.
Her bridesmaids were under strict orders to let her know the second he arrived at the church, but so far, silence. They'd left her alone at her request to have some time to herself in the master bedroom of the hotel suite she had gotten to get ready for the wedding. Technically, she shouldn't even be here anymore, but there was no way she was going to leave this suite until she knew that he'd shown up. Until then, she would continue to pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until her legs could carry her no longer.
This was absolutely not how she imagined her wedding day going, but it was what it was. The woman that she had practically begged to stay away from her fiancé had done anything but that today, and from the moment she saw that photo of Elena fleeing Damon's hotel, she'd found herself seriously doubting whether or not this wedding would actually happen.
Things had been rocky for them leading up to the wedding. There had been more fighting and crying that she would have liked, but she had thought they worked through it. She thought they were on the same page. And then she saw something shift in him last night. She didn't know what, but she knew it wasn't good. Then, to have Elena show up at his hotel this morning on top of all of that, and things were now horrible.
She was stuck waiting in this room until she knew whether or not Damon was going to stay true to his word and show up at the church. She hated that she doubted him, but it was hard not to. With everything she'd learned in the months leading up to the wedding, surely it was only natural to have fears. There was a chance they were completely unfounded. Damon loved her and she knew that. It was the main thing that had gotten her to this point.
Despite what everyone thought, she knew they had something real. It didn't always make sense, but it worked. She knew she brought good things to his life. She brought him balance in a way he'd always seemed to search for. For someone who had lost his mother to cancer at such a young age, he'd never had a chance to truly understand balance. She did that for him, but was it enough?
"Andie." She looked up as the door to the bedroom flew open. Her maid of honor and best friend, Natalie, came in. Andie froze in her spot and watched, waiting for what Natalie would tell her. "He's at the church."
When Andie got her first real boyfriend at fourteen years old, her mother had sat her down one night and told her that she would fall in love one day. Her mother could not predict when she would fall in love, or who that person would be, but Andie still distinctively remembered one piece of advice her mother had given to her. She told her that someone needed to love a man not in spite of his flaws or despite them, but because of them. It was a piece of wisdom she'd used to gauge her relationships over the years, and she'd found that it honestly had been a good one.
However, Andie didn't know whether it was good or bad that she didn't love Damon in either of those ways. Because, when faced with Damon's flaws - of which there seemed to be a lot - she had no explanation to provide to her friends and family. She loved Damon because she loved him, and she knew there used to be a reason why, but most days she couldn't find it. All she really knew was that she loved him, and she did it with everything she had.
With the wedding fast approaching, it was something she'd spent countless nights thinking about, but her distance from Damon had made it hard to really get anywhere with those thoughts. Her father's campaign to be president had kept her from Damon for longer than she'd liked, or even thought was healthy. Her distance had put a strain on things in their relationship that she didn't think it should have a strain on. She'd be lying if she said that some of it didn't have to do with Elena, but it did. Ever since the birth of his nephew, he'd been spending a lot of time at his brother's house, and she knew that Elena probably came with that. And if she had doubted it, whenever she had called Damon, there was always Elena's laugh or an animated conversation in the background to fill her in on that piece of information.
"Andie?"
She quickly turned around at the sound of her name being called out to her, and found Stefan coming up behind her. "Hey," she greeted him, a smile on her face.
He caught up with her, a bewildered look on his face. "I thought you were in Florida."
"I was, but I just decided I needed a break before the wedding. I need time here away from all of that political stuff, so I thought I'd come surprise Damon. And if our conversations are any indication, I'm assuming he's at your place."
Stefan stopped in front of the elevator and thought for a moment before saying, "Caroline didn't mention it the last time I talked to her, but he might be here. Want to at least head up and see?"
"Yeah, that would be great. Hey, I could even get to see Sawyer again."
Stefan was tense for a few moments before he nodded and smiled brightly. "Well, be prepared, he's changed a lot since you saw him. I didn't think babies could change so much in just a couple of weeks."
Andie laughed heartily and said, "Oh no, don't tell me Damon already has him out at the bar, picking up women."
Stefan playfully grimaced. "Give it a week. I'm sure it's coming soon."
As the stepped into the elevator, Andie asked, "So, you adjusted to this whole dad thing yet?"
"I don't know if I can ever get used to getting so little sleep."
"If it helps at all, you look great. Being a sleep deprived dad really looks good on you, Stefan."
He smiled at her, a warm but reluctant one that had a line of tension running down her back. "You're a really shitty liar, you know that?"
She sighed and then laughed softly. "I don't see a political career anywhere in my future."
"Speaking of, how is your dad's campaign going?"
Andie resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but it wasn't Stefan's fault he was trying to make polite conversation, and she was just sick of discussing her dad's campaign. She felt like she'd pretty much been on the road non-stop, having to be on her best behavior at all times, no room to make even the tiniest slip up. Family was a big selling point of her father's campaign, which meant she had to be perfect, and quite frankly, that was exhausting.
Of course, she didn't share this with Stefan. She simply answered in her nicest voice possible, "It's going well, tiring, but well."
"Are you going to be traveling anymore before the wedding, or are you in town for good?"
She smiled at the mention of being back home for an extended period of time. That was a conversation she could get on board with. "I am done with all things political until after the honeymoon. My dad can survive without me for a few weeks."
The elevator doors slid open and Stefan motioned for her to exit first, soon followed by him as they headed together to his door. He didn't pull out a pair of keys before testing to see if the door was open, and when the knob easily turned with no resistance, he pushed it open and waved her forward.
Andie heard Elena's laughter the moment she stepped into the foyer, and she shot a nervous look at Stefan who seemed slightly surprised too. He looked nervously to the living room, but then made his way there, leaving her to cautiously follow him. "Damon, stop it!" Elena laughed. "Stefan will murder you if he sees what you're doing to Sawyer."
She felt an all too familiar clench in her stomach as she rounded the corner and set her eyes on the other woman that seemed to occupy so much of her fiancé's time and attention - even though he'd spent months claiming to hate her. The younger woman had her hair tied back into a messy ponytail, and was laid out on her stomach on the floor, her eyes closed as another bout of laughter fell from her lips.
"What are you doing to my son?" The laughter immediately stopped and Elena's head shot in the direction of Stefan's voice, but her gaze soon found Andie behind him, and she saw the woman tense. Damon's head popped up, originally hidden behind the couch, and his blue eyes were wide with surprise.
The moment he spotted Andie, he jumped up from the floor, confusion and excitement evident on his face. "Andie?" he asked. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Florida."
She tried to smile as he came toward her, but it was hard when another woman was watching them both so intently. "I wanted to surprise you and come home early. So, here I am!"
He shook his head and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "I thought you had another week on the road."
"I just wanted to come home."
He quickly glanced back to Elena and then back to her, the smile wavering on his face, but when she simply shrugged, the smile grew again and he pulled her body against his. "Welcome back," he said quietly. "I missed you."
She reveled in his touch, breathing him all in. Until this moment, she hadn't realized how much she had truly missed him. She felt like she was being put back together now, and breathed a deep sigh of relief. "I missed you too."
"Elena's right!" Stefan's agitated voice pulled them both from their long awaited reunion, and Damon quickly twisted around to face his brother, who was holding up Sawyer. "What the hell did you do to my son?"
Andie covered her mouth with her hand to try and hide the smile on her face from Stefan. Sawyer had on a onesie with the phrase, 'If you think I'm good lookin' you should see my uncle' and a pair of dark sunglasses. "I thought his wardrobe was missing a few key items," Damon explained.
Stefan bent over and quickly straightened with a bottle of scotch and a cigar hanging from his free hand. "And he was missing these too?"
"I may have wanted to take a picture or two." Elena snorted from behind Stefan, which caused Damon to laugh, and Stefan's agitation to rise. They both shared a look that only made their laughter increase, but when Stefan huffed Damon quickly got serious and looked at his brother. "Relax, baby bro, it's not like I was going to pour some in his bottle or anything. It was just a picture."
"With a cigar and alcohol," Stefan angrily pointed out. "He's not even 21 weeks old yet, Damon. Come on!"
"What is going on in here?" Caroline groggily shuffled into the living room, rubbing at her tired eyes. She halted in her tracks when she caught sight of her husband holding their son. After she spent a moment studying Sawyer she turned her eyes to Damon. "You do this?"
"Maybe?"
She narrowed her eyes at him and then walked over to her son, eyeing him suspiciously. She reached out and tickled her fingers down his stomach, "Is your Uncle Damon trying to help you find a girlfriend?" She giggled and then nuzzled his neck. "Hate to break it to you kid, but no girlfriends yet."
"Aren't you mad?" Stefan questioned, bewilderment in his voice.
She pulled away and looked up at Stefan. "Why would I be mad?"
"Have you seen the scotch and cigar?"
"Come on, babe, it's cute." She smiled as she adjusted the sunglasses on her son.
"He had a cigar in his hand!" Stefan nearly exclaimed.
"Oh, calm down, it's funny. It's not like your brother was going to light it up for him to smoke." This time when she reached out, she ran her hand softly over Stefan's face. "I think this sleep deprivation is killing your sense of humor."
"Hey, don't blame my nephew for taking something his father never had to begin with."
"Ugh, whatever, Damon" Stefan groaned. "I'm going to go change my son now," he sent a pointed look to his brother, "Into something more appropriate." Everyone watched Stefan stomp off with Sawyer before bursting into laughter once he was gone, but apparently not out of earshot. "I can hear you!"
"Someone's not happy," Damon mused.
"He's just mad he still has to keep waiting before we can have sex," Caroline revealed, which left Damon gagging from beside Andie.
"Ugh! TMI, Blondie! TMeffingI!"
"How'd you think we created your nephew? Immaculate conception?"
Damon continued to gag. "Stop talking. In fact, don't ever speak again."
"I don't know, Damon. I'm sure you could learn a thing or two from your brother. He's pretty amazing in bed."
"Shut up!" Damon snapped. He roughly grabbed Andie's arm and dragged her toward the kitchen. "I'm going to talk to my fiancée in there, and you will stay out here, not bugging me with talk of sex and my brother." Once they were tucked away in the kitchen, far away from Caroline's taunting words, he dropped her hand and his demeanor softened. "Sorry about that."
She smiled and rested her hands low on his hips. "Is this what you're up to every time you're with your nephew? Dressing him up for your own amusement?"
"Sad to say, but this was strictly a one-off thing. Hasn't happened before."
"So you're not using your nephew as a wingman?"
"Nope," he shook his head, "I am strictly his wingman."
"How's that working out?"
Damon grimaced. "Not so great. I guess women aren't into a man who is so attached to his mother." He ran his hands over her shoulders, softly brushing her hair back away from her face. "Enough about that though. Why'd you decide to come back early?"
"I'm tired of hotels, and I missed you. I wanted to be home." Damon's gaze grew distant, as if he was staring right through her. She now began to doubt whether surprising him had been the right thing to do or not. It wasn't that he didn't seem happy to see her or that he was angry, but she wasn't exactly getting the response she had expected either. "Damon?" she questioned nervously.
He quickly shook himself out of whatever thought he was having and she could feel the tension drain from him. "Sorry," he apologized with a sincere smile and pulled her closer to him. "I'm glad you're back." He buried his head in her neck and she sighed as he pressed soft kisses along her skin. "I really did miss you."
She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly to her. "I missed you too," she confessed emotionally. "Every day."
Being away from him had been harder than she had thought it would be, and had taken more of a toll on them than she would have liked. She barely had time to see him for a day when she managed to find the time in her schedule to breeze through town for less than 24 hours most of the time, and it had been hard. Trying to plan a wedding while being in a completely different state and so far away from her fiancé hadn't been easy. It was exhausting and irritating.
"How long are you back for?" he asked, his voice muffled by her neck.
"Until after the honeymoon."
He pulled away from her, leaving her feeling the acute loss of being in his arms. "That snuck up on us, didn't it?"
She tried to not read very much into his question and simply answer it. "Yeah, it has come pretty quickly."
An uncomfortable tension descended upon them, leaving her feeling uncomfortable for even bringing the topic up. Her distance had made so many things about the wedding become an awkward subject to broach. It was hard to discuss one of the biggest days of your life when you hardly ever saw the person you were supposed to celebrate it with.
Then there was the other elephant in the room – Elena. Planning the wedding was made that much harder by the presence that seemed to linger in every conversation they had. Things were happening that Andie wasn't aware of, things that involved Elena. She wasn't stupid, she understood this woman had a bigger place in her fiancé's life than she would like, but it wasn't something she ever knew how to address.
Damon reached out and grabbed hold of her hand, giving her some sense of comfort in the midst of her nervousness. "Well, I guess we'll have a busy few weeks."
He was just tugging her toward him again when the focal point of her unease breezed into the room, resulting in Damon quickly dropping her hand and stepping further from her. Elena halted, her doe-eyed gaze bouncing between them for several moments before she quietly said to Damon, "Your brother says you have to cook dinner because of what you did to Sawyer."
Damon rolled his eyes and groaned. "Whatever, he's just being lazy." His annoyance didn't stop him from moving toward the fridge though to check what his brother had in there. "Tell him he has to eat what I cook whether he likes it or not."
Elena swiftly nodded and bolted from the room. Andie stared at the spot she'd quickly fled, and asked, "So, I guess we're eating dinner here?"
After he had pulled out a pack of chicken, he turned to face Andie. "Yeah, why?"
"Nothing," she shrugged, "I just thought, since I just got back, we could have some time alone."
Damon paused for a moment before waving her thinly veiled request off. "This won't take more than a couple hours, and then we'll have the rest of the night together. Sound good?"
No, it didn't sound good. She could count on one hand the nights they'd gotten together since they were engaged, but she nodded her head anyway. "Yeah, sounds good."
He flashed her a bright smile that made butterflies flutter in her stomach, even if she was less than thrilled with what her night was shaping up to be. "Good."
She sat down on the stool at the island and watched him effortlessly weave around the kitchen, never looking for a recipe or appearing the least bit confused. It had always been one of her favorite things to do, watch Damon cook. It was such a stark contrast from the man many believed him to be, and she found it to be fascinating and a turn on. There was something very seductive about a man who knew his way around a kitchen.
It even might have been how she realized she was in love with him. It had been several years since she came to that realization, but from what she remembered it was watching him in the kitchen that made her understand it then. He was cooking her something she liked, probably Chicken Parmesan, and talking about his mother teaching him how to cook. He had a wistful look in his eyes as he spoke of his mother, and a youthful smile on his face that completely captivated her mind, body, and soul. It had made everything so real. Suddenly he was more than the privileged bad boy that everyone thought he was, and she loved him.
She stayed silent for months after she realized her feelings, too scared to run him off. He was still just a guy scared of commitment back then, and she hadn't wanted to lose him. That fear of losing him had driven many of her decisions back in college. She'd let him get away with far more behavior than she should have, but she'd loved him and the other things just didn't seem that important then, not like they did now. She'd been able to justify so many things he had done, but now, as she had seemingly found herself in the same situation all these years later, the desire to justify his behavior wasn't as strong as it once had been.
She didn't know where she drew the line anymore. When they first got back together, she'd drawn a very clear line in the sand that she wouldn't cross. She had very set rules for what she would and wouldn't tolerate from him. And somehow over the course of their relationship the line had blurred. She knew it was because things had been going on that she originally wouldn't stand for. That had come to her attention the moment she realized what he'd been keeping from her about Elena, but she'd stayed. When many would have left, she always stayed. Sometimes she wondered if she always would.
Her phone rang in her purse, pulling her from her thoughts and jolting her back to reality. She quickly dug it out of her purse and saw her father's name staring up at her. Before she could second-guess herself, she ignored the call and put her phone on silent. "Sorry about that," she apologized to Damon as she put her phone back in her purse.
He glanced over his shoulder at her. "Your dad?" She silently nodded her response. "Did he not take it well when you told him you were coming back to New York?"
That had been an understatement. Her father had been furious. He hated Damon and the fact that she was so determined to marry him, so her abandoning his campaign to go home to the man he hated did not sit well with him. She wouldn't even be surprised if he'd insisted on her traveling with him so much simply because it would keep her from Damon.
It was all one big Catch-22 though. Because even if he couldn't stand Damon and the impending wedding, he'd made it very clear that nothing could happen to jeopardize his campaign. Apparently a called off engagement would do just that, so she thought this had been his way of dealing with the engagement. If he had her on the road instead of back in New York City with Damon it was better than nothing.
"He'll get over it," she assured Damon and he turned back to the stove. "I can't do everything he wants me to."
"You sure do most of it though," he spoke up, and she flinched at the cold tone of his voice.
"Stop," she pleaded tiredly. She'd already fought with her dad about Damon today, she didn't want to fight about her Dad with Damon too. "Just be nice for once?"
"What are you talking about? I'm always nice."
"Let's just drop it, okay? We aren't going to get anywhere talking about my dad."
Damon set a top over the pot and turned toward her. He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "We have to talk about him at some point, you know? The man hates me."
"Yeah, well your dad hated Elena, but I doubt you were all that willing to talk about that." It was a low blow and one she probably shouldn't have made, but this was the absolute last thing she wanted to talk about.
He nodded his head, a taut grimace on his face. "You know what, I think I've got things covered in here. Why don't you go tell them that dinner is almost ready?"
Feeling dejected, she tiredly nodded and slid from the stool. She had officially pissed him off and she'd just have to give him some space for a bit. Hopefully, he would cool down enough before they went home, because she did not want to spend her first night back in a fight with him.
She entered the living room and saw Caroline and Elena hovering over Sawyer, whispering rapidly to each other. The moment they heard footsteps their heads shot up and they immediately fell silent. Varying degrees of guilt flashed across both of their faces, but they smiled at her nonetheless, trying to appear welcoming. "Hey," Caroline greeted.
"Damon says dinner is almost ready," she informed them stiffly.
This whole interaction was like déjà vu. It seemed that almost every time she entered a room the conversation would immediately shift or stop altogether. She didn't know exactly what was being spoken about that she shouldn't hear every single time, but she had some ideas, and they all involved Damon.
"Um, I'll go set the table." Elena hopped up from the floor and ran past Andie. She never seemed to stay in a room very long once Andie was in it. Sometimes it felt like the woman was in a race with herself to see how quickly she could flee the room. She calculated that it never really took more than five minutes. It hadn't always been like that, but around the time she and Damon got engaged, it had started. Granted, she'd been around a lot less frequently since then, but it was enough to know that the woman was avoiding her.
"Don't you even think about it!" Damon's voice sounded through the penthouse, a definitive threat in his tone.
"I'm just helping." Andie tensed at the sound of Elena's defensive voice.
"Yeah, well don't. You're banned from kitchens for a reason. Go be useful and make some drinks or something. Just stay out of this kitchen."
Even though she couldn't see Damon's face or what was really happening between Damon and Elena, she could hear the warmth and teasing that had quickly returned in his voice. Where there was once anger and bitterness that laced every word he spoke to Elena, she now heard something completely different. Everything had changed.
Elena came stalking out of the kitchen, a scowl on her face, and her arms packed full with plates and silverware, but the moment she spotted Andie staring at her she froze, her eyes wide. She could see the understanding dawn on Elena's face as she realized that Andie had heard everything, and guilt was ever-present once again. She seemed to look that way a lot.
"Need some help?" Caroline quickly spoke up from behind Andie. "I'll show you how I like everything set up."
The blonde rushed past her and grabbed hold of Elena's arm to drag her off toward the dining room, only briefly flashing an apologetic grin over her shoulder before they disappeared.
Soft footsteps sounded from behind her and she turned to see Stefan walking toward his son that was wide awake in his swing, his small eyes looking about the room. "Don't take it personally," he advised. "Those two have a tendency to live in their own little bubble."
She watched him pick up Sawyer and adjust him gently in his arms. Once he had his son adjusted she asked, "Caroline and Elena, or your brother and Elena?"
She knew she shouldn't ask Stefan a question like that. Damon was his brother and she knew those two well enough to know that they'd lie under oath for the other, but she had asked it anyway. She knew that even if Stefan would lie for Damon, she'd still have a few moments to read his real thoughts before he composed himself enough to keep them all far from everyone else.
Sure enough, his face told her everything she had thought it would. Her question hadn't been that far-fetched. Damon and Elena had somehow shifted again since her last visit. Things had changed once again, and she was even further out of the loop than she had been before.
"He loves you," Stefan quickly assured her. "You should know that."
"I do," she acknowledged. If there was one thing she never wavered on, it was that. She knew Damon did love her. She saw it and she felt it in so many things that he did, but she knew there was so much more to it all.
"And he wants to marry you."
That was what she wavered on. Did he really want to marry her, or did he just think he did? She wasn't sure, and she was always too scared to ask. She didn't know if she really wanted to hear his answer, or hear where it might lead. It could open up a lot of doors she would rather keep closed because she was scared of what was behind them.
"Sometimes I wonder," she sighed. She didn't know why she was revealing that to Stefan, but it was out before she could keep it in.
Stefan walked toward her, a cautious look in his eyes. "Talk to him. I think there are things you two need to discuss."
"Like what?" She knew he wouldn't answer that question and she wouldn't even have the benefit of catching him off guard to give her a real idea, but she asked it anyway.
"Dinner's ready." Before Stefan could even have the chance of deflecting her question, Damon entered the room, dinner in his hands. He stopped when he saw her talking to his brother and eyed them suspiciously for several moments. He was probably having some unspoken conversation with his brother right in front of her, but she could decipher none of it. "Stefan, go get the rest of dinner." His brother silently obliged, knowing when to keep his mouth shut and flee the scene. "What was that about?"
"Nothing," Andie quickly replied.
Damon narrowed his eyes at her, but then began to slowly back away. "You're a really crappy liar. I hope you know that."
She watched him disappear into the dining room and she knew he was right. She was a crappy liar, and apparently everyone thought so. For having a fiancé that seemed to be a master at lying, she was no match for him in any way.
Stefan reappeared a moment later, a dish in his free hand. "Ready for dinner?" he asked.
She allowed him to walk ahead of her, and once he was sufficiently in front of her, she whispered, "As I'll ever be."
Dinner with this group wasn't always an easy task. She didn't fit in well. Everyone was all connected in some way that she just wasn't. Damon was her one and only real connection in this group, and that often resulted in her being left out of many things that went on when everyone got together. Granted, everyone wasn't here tonight, but it was still enough to let her know just how much she didn't fit in.
It was awkward and uncomfortable, even with Damon trying to include her. He was able to put his apparent frustration with her aside enough to try and not completely exclude her, but as everyone talked around the dinner table, she was made acutely aware of just how much she'd missed out on during her time on the road. She hadn't even realized that Alaric was living with his girlfriend now. Alaric, who could barely get through a day sober, was in a serious relationship?
The whole thing was aggravating, as she had to continuously ask questions to try and keep up with half of what was being said, and even with those answers, she still wasn't able to connect all of the dots. Part of the reason, she speculated, was because partial details were being purposely left out. She got the sense that many things had happened while she was away that nobody wanted to mention.
And then there was Damon and Elena, who were a frustration all on their own. Her suspicions had been correct, things had changed while she was gone. There was still a definite tension that could be detected, but there were also small moments that made her notice some differences. There were glances that would linger for just a few moments too long, small smiles that they would share before they'd realize what was happening, and quickly hid again. There seemed to be several stories about Sawyer that included both of them, sometimes without Caroline or Stefan present in any of them.
Something was definitely going on, and by the time dinner had ended and they were all relaxing in the living room, she could feel herself reaching her limit. She tried to be cordial though, and participate in the conversation that Caroline pulled her into, discussing something about Sawyer and Giuseppe, and how captivated the rigid man was by his grandson. She also gave Andie the warning that Giuseppe wanted another grandchild, so to be prepared for him to say something soon.
While being distracted by Caroline she had not noticed that both Damon and Elena had left the room, but when she briefly glanced up, she found it hard to focus on the conversation any longer. She watched a scene she'd seen play out many times over the past year in various forms. Damon walked into the room, his head down, making an extra effort to blend in and appear as if he hadn't been gone at all. He went straight to his brother's side, much like he always did, and they shared a look, but said nothing.
If it was anything like what had been happening for almost a year, Elena would soon slip back into the room after another five minutes, her movements jerky and quick. It was always the same, no matter where they were. The only variation that might occur would be if Elena came out first and Damon appeared a few minutes later, but it all meant the same thing. She wouldn't let it be the that way today though. She was changing the script.
With Damon distracted by Sawyer, she used the opportunity to quickly end her conversation with Caroline and slip off back toward the guest room. It was a risky move, but one she felt she finally had to make. There was a conversation she'd been putting off for a long time, and after everything she'd just witnessed, she didn't think she could ignore it all any longer.
Elena heaved a deep sigh as she turned on her feet, and she was already midstep before her eyes caught Andie and she jumped in surprise. A startled noise fell from her lips, and her hand shot to her chest. "Oh god," she gasped, "You scared me."
"Sorry," Andie apologized softly.
The short brunette nervously glanced around the room and then back at her. "You probably came to use the bathroom. I'll get out of your way."
She moved toward the doorway, but Andie quickly moved in front of the space, blocking her path to freedom. "Wait."
"Is something wrong?" Elena's weight shifted from foot to foot after she stopped in front of Andie. "Do you need something?"
Andie gave nothing but silence, unable to speak, which wasn't a very good thing, seeing as that was what she'd come in here for.
"You're not the only one who loves him."
Okay, so that wasn't the smoothest start she'd ever had to a conversation, but it would have to do.
Elena balked at her words. "Excuse me?"
"I know you love him, but you're not the only one."
Elena quickly began shaking her head back and forth, her chestnut hair flying behind her. "Andie, if I've done something –"
"I'm in love with him too. I know that has to be hard for you, believe me, I know, but I do love him."
"I'd never say you didn't," Elena insisted and maybe against her better judgment or maybe in it, Andie believed the younger woman.
But she still continued on, not content to walk away yet. "I know you have a past with him, and that past is complicated. I am so sorry that you lost your baby, and I am sorry that Damon isn't with you. I am truly, truly sorry. When you left he needed someone, and somehow I became that person. I know my relationship with him isn't perfect and that we have our issues, but they're ours. He's with me. He proposed to me. He chose me." Her voice grew thick as she tried to speak around the lump in her throat, and her eyes burned with unshed tears. "Please," she begged of the other woman, "He chose me."
Elena began to quickly nod, a sullen expression on her face. She inhaled a shaky breath and wrapped her arms tightly around her midriff. "I'm really sorry, Andie. I never meant for –" she quickly stopped herself. Turmoil swirled in her brown eyes as she released a dejected sigh. "I'm sorry."
The brunette rushed toward the door and this time Andie let her leave. There was nothing else that she could say or do. There really hadn't been anything to begin with. Elena wasn't the problem. It was easy to make Elena the bad 'guy' in her head, because Elena wasn't who she was in love with. It was much easier to believe that Elena was pursuing Damon instead of letting her mind go in the direction that was probably closer to the truth.
Damon wasn't a man that could be pursued if he didn't want to be. So, if Elena was going after him, it was only because he wanted it. And that was where the real problem was. Whatever was going on between Damon and Elena, he was an active participant.
Maybe she was even a participant in it herself. Ever since her father announced his plan to run for presidency, he'd dragged her all over the country to trot her out as the perfect daughter. A presidential candidate had to be a family man, so it was her duty and her brother's duty to be on the campaign trail every step of the way. That traveling had kept her away from Damon for most of their engagement. Some days they wouldn't even talk, and when they did, sometimes they barely got far beyond how their day was.
Now she was back, with time running out before the wedding, and nothing felt how it should. Her fiancé had barely seemed happy to have her back. She could feel everyone's eyes on her everywhere she moved in the house. She was being watched like they all knew something she didn't, and none of them knew how to tell her. It felt quite reminiscent of how things were after Elena returned. For those first couple of months, she'd told herself she was wrong and being paranoid, there wasn't anything going on behind her back.
She had ignored every single instinct she had as an investigative journalist. She'd convinced herself that she was just treating everything like a job. She knew she had a tendency to do that. It was hard to turn off that instinct, but she'd forced herself to. And then she'd been proved totally right. She hadn't been paranoid about anything. Everyone had been hiding something from her, all because Damon refused to be honest.
That was what so many things always seemed to come back to with them, his lack of honesty. While most people would run in the other direction when a significant other wasn't being honest, she saw it differently. She saw an underlying issue there. Something kept him from telling her. He felt like he couldn't tell her, whether it was to protect himself or shield her, his dishonesty was always about some form of protection.
He hadn't told her about why his relationship with Elena had ended because he'd been trying to protect himself. The miscarriage and subsequent loss of Elena had left him reeling, and he'd tried to shut it all out. He didn't know how to discuss that period in his life, so he hadn't. It was only when the truth had been revealed that they finally talked about it all.
She had been ready to walk away that day in the Hamptons, to leave and never look back. When the time came for her to get in the car and leave, she hadn't been able to do it. He had been so sincere and heartfelt in that moment, that she couldn't leave him. So, she'd agreed to go upstairs with him and talk, and if she had still wanted to leave after that, he would have taken her to New York himself.
They'd spent several hours in his room that day, talking about all the things he'd kept from her, all of the pain and confusion he'd felt after the miscarriage and after Elena left him. He did something rare that day and showed her a side of him that he always tried to keep hidden. He was vulnerable and honest, the man she always knew he was inside. And by the time it was all said and done, her strength had been gone. Because that's how it was with Damon, you could hate him one minute and be completely in love with him the next. When he opened himself up, it was impossible to turn him away, and she hadn't.
Everything changed after that. There was a new communication that hadn't been there in a long time. They were able to talk in a way they hadn't before, and she had known they were on the path to something great, to something that they were meant to be. So when he showed up that morning at her apartment, all flustered and out of breath to get down on one knee without any big speech, she hadn't hesitated to say yes. She'd honestly believed they were in a great place. It was only when she got back after Christmas to find him beaten and swollen on his couch that she realized everything had shifted, and she had no way to put it back on track.
Then, before she could ever address anything, her father had her out on the road, sometimes thousands of miles away from Damon for weeks at a time. That communication that they'd worked on so hard to build up started to crumble again, and she was left helpless. She couldn't go home and he couldn't come to her. All they had was the phone, and it could only do so much. So, she continued with planning the wedding, convincing herself that if she could just get them through this, they'd come together soon and put everything back the way it needed to be.
"Andie?" She jumped at the sound of her name and looked up to find Caroline standing awkwardly in the doorway. A confused but warm smile spread over her face. "What are you doing back here?"
"Sorry," she quickly apologized, "I had to make a phone call, business stuff."
"Okay," Caroline smiled warmly, "Well, Damon was looking for you. I told him I'd try to find you."
"Thanks, I'll go talk to him." She brushed past the blonde and went to find Damon in the living room. When he looked up and noticed her walking in, he came toward her, quickly closing the distance between them. "You were looking for me?"
"Yeah," he nodded, "You ready to go."
More than he would ever know.
"Yes, please."
He quickly said his goodbyes to everyone and she did as well, but she and Elena, who was sitting at the edge of the couch, making sure to not make eye contact with her, said nothing to each other. What was left to say? They both loved the same man, and neither of them could change that.
But as she and Damon made their way back to his place, she couldn't quite shake the feeling that Stefan had been right when he said they needed to talk. Everything with Elena and Damon wasn't all one-sided. Damon was a participant in a lot of it, that she knew. She didn't know exactly what his part was, but she knew everything hadn't been of Elena's doing.
Broaching the topic with Damon was much harder than talking to Elena though. There was no telling how Damon might react, especially since she already wasn't his favorite person after their small disagreement in Stefan's kitchen. It was a hard thing to do, but she knew she had to do it. She couldn't go through with this marriage without them having at least one talk. Something had to be done, had to change. She just didn't know what. She didn't even know if Damon would know what, but she had to do something.
"Been spending a lot of time at your brother's?" she questioned as she watched Damon put his toothbrush back in its place several hours later. It took her until that moment to even attempt to bring anything up, and based on the tension she saw in Damon's shoulders, she knew that he had suspected something was coming.
His brows furrowed in confusion, but he answered, "Yeah."
"And I guess Elena's been there a lot too?"
Damon rolled his eyes and strode past Andie, out of the bathroom "You know, for an investigative journalist, you're doing a really crappy job of getting information out of me."
His observation was correct, as far as her abilities went, she was utilizing none of them in this moment. If this was how she conducted herself with pieces she was investigating, she'd never have a job in journalism for the rest of her career. That didn't mean it was something Damon should point out right now though. They were at home, where she wasn't working, and he should treat her otherwise. "Well, forgive me for not wanting to see you as a source I'm using to find out what's going on behind my back."
"That's just it though, Andie." Damon turned on his heel to face her approaching figure as she followed him into the bedroom. "Nothing has been going on behind your back these past few weeks. There's nothing you need to dig for."
"Really? Cause that's not the impression your brother left me with."
He thought she didn't notice whenever he'd get very specific about instances with Elena in their fights. He was always careful to mention fairly exact windows of time. 'Right now,' 'nothing had happened in the past few weeks,' but what about before those few weeks? She wasn't stupid. She knew there was a reason he'd never said that nothing had happened between him and Elena the whole time they'd been together.
"Yeah, well my brother's an idiot, so I wouldn't take anything he says very seriously."
"You must think I'm the idiot if you can convince yourself that I'd believe that for a second."
Something had gone on between Damon and Elena after she got back from Chicago and Andie knew it. In fact, if she was a betting woman, she could probably pinpoint that time with some pretty good accuracy, and that estimate would be right around Christmas. She knew something big had to have happened for Stefan to do what he did to Damon's face. It had to have been something bad, because after that Elena was gone and the brothers barely even spoke. After Christmas everyone had shut him out, and it had only been Sawyer's birth that made things go back to normal. Well, as normal as anything could be with Damon's family.
"You're not exactly showing much intellectual capability at the moment, so if the shoe fits ... "
Andie laughed out loud in Damon's face. "I always knew you were fucking delusional, but I think this moment has to take the cake. Are you seriously standing here trying to convince me that what's real is just something in my imagination?"
"Maybe if you were actually here, you wouldn't have to try and interrogate me, and accuse me of things I'm not doing!"
"Oh, so this is my fault?" she demanded.
"You're never here!" he shouted. "I'm having a relationship with my phone. So you don't get to come in here and get mad that I'm spending time with my nephew instead of sitting at home twiddling my thumbs, because my fiancée would rather spend time with her asshole father who hates me than be with me."
Andie huffed and stormed out of the bedroom. "Don't you bring my father into this. You don't get to deflect this on me. I'm not the one who is in the wrong here."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.
"It means that it's not my fault that you're still in love with your ex-girlfriend!" she shot back. She whirled around and shoved a finger in his direction. "Just because I'm not crying foul, it doesn't mean that you haven't done something wrong." She watched the fight flood out of Damon, and she immediately knew that every gut instinct she'd had since the moment Elena blew into her life had been right. "Have you really spent all this time thinking I just didn't notice?"
"I don't know," he sighed, and she knew she'd truly caught him off guard, something that very rarely happened to him. "I guess, yeah," he jerkily nodded his head, "I told myself if you weren't saying anything, you didn't know. I don't think I convinced myself, but I tried."
She blew out a broken laugh. "Guess that shows you really do think I'm an idiot." She dropped onto the couch, feeling defeated and tired. They were getting married in a matter of weeks, and this was not how she'd wanted things to be. They were supposed to be excited and ready to be a married couple, not fighting over betrayals. "Not that I've really looked very smart for these past few months."
Damon joined her on the couch and quietly said, "You don't look like an idiot."
"Your own brother, the most oblivious person on the planet, can see what is going on here. I look like a fool."
"Andie," he turned to face her, "I didn't plan for anything –"
"Don't." She held up a hand to silence him before he could finish. She knew what was coming next: the confession he didn't think he'd really have to make. And, with a decision that would probably seem idiotic to everyone, she didn't want to hear it. "I don't want to know. Whatever you're going to say you did, I don't want to know."
Confusion flashed across his features. "What?"
"I know that something happened. Whether it was physical or emotional, I don't know, and I don't want to know."
"So, what are you saying?"
"That I'm delusional?" She shrugged her shoulder and rolled her moisture filled eyes. "When I first found out you were dating Katherine, I thought she was the woman I would have to fight to win your heart, if that time ever came. Even after the two of you divorced and we met up again, when you were with Elena, I still thought Katherine was the threat. By the time I realized Elena was the clear and present danger, it was too late, I was in too deep. Cause that's the thing, Damon, come hell or high water, I have loved you in some shape or form since we were twenty years old. Whether as a friend or a lover, I've always loved you, and this time around I truly fell in love with you. I was too focused on Katherine coming back in to see you were still in love with Elena."
"Andie," Damon interrupted her, reaching out to grasp her hands, "I love you. You have to know that. I do love you."
"I know," she tearfully admitted. "That's what sucks. I do know that. I know you love me. I've never doubted that. But you love her too."
His eyes fell away from her gaze. "It's complicated."
Andie sighed and leaned back against the couch, too drained to stay upright on her own. "Isn't everything with you?"
He turned broken eyes on her, blue orbs filled with so much pain and longing that it crushed her inside. All she'd ever wanted was to make things better for him, and each time she was reminded that there were still very pivotal parts of him that were still broken, she felt like she'd failed in some way, that she'd let him down.
"I love you. You're one of my best friends."
"But you don't marry a friend, Damon."
But he was hers too. Through the good and the bad, he was her best friend. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She truly believed that he brought out something better in her, and she believed she did the same for him. When they were allowed the time to just be together, alone and away from everyone else; that was when they worked. It was those moments that they made sense.
"It's more than that," he insisted, squeezing her hands in his grasp. "I find it hard to put into words, but you're like my calm in the storm. When everything around me is falling apart, you bring me back in from it all. You keep me sane when I'm losing control. When my life was nothing but chaos, you helped it all make sense again."
The problem was, his words didn't match his behavior. She was completely open and honest with him, whether he wanted to hear it or not. It felt like she never got the same in return though. He actively chose to lie to her on multiple occasions, and that was what she found it so hard to wrap her mind around at times. If he loved her and she was his best friend, why did he lie to her so much?
"I feel like you're always lying to me."
"I don't want to lose you. I want you in my life, forever. You've been a constant in my life for ten years, even when we didn't really see each other after I married Katherine. You've always meant so much to me, and you always will. I love you."
"But how is lying to me going to keep me, if I still find out anyway? Then, not only do I find out what you're scared about for me to know, but I'll find out that you lied to me, and that makes it so much worse."
"Then I'll be honest. I'll tell you everything, and you can make your decision knowing it all."
"Please don't," she begged him.
Andie understood that she sounded like one walking contradiction. She told him she didn't want to know the truth, but then got mad at him for keeping it from her, and then asked him to lie to her again. She knew she must sound like she was finally starting to snap, but she knew she couldn't hear what had happened with him and Elena.
"You said you wanted me to be honest."
"I know that you'd be honest with me right now if I wanted you to, that you'd lay it all out there for me, but I can't hear it. Please, if you really love me, just don't tell me."
Damon thought he was the only one under pressure, that he was the only one people were counting on, but she was being counted on too. Her father was a man with high standards, ones that felt impossible to meet most of the time, but it never stopped her from trying. Even in her thirties, she still felt like that little girl just wanting her dad's approval, and calling off her wedding would not be a way to gain that.
The first thing her dad told her when she announced her engagement to Damon was that she'd better be sure, because there was no going back. He was running for president, and there was no room for error from anyone in his family. She didn't know if she'd be able to face him if she called off the wedding, and she didn't know if she'd be able to go through with the wedding if she knew the truth that Damon now seemed willing to share with her.
It felt like a mess, and like this wasn't the way anything was supposed to be, but it was. This was her reality, and she had to make it work. She had to focus on her love for Damon and the fact that he loved her. She'd just have to hope that with time, he'd find closure from his relationship with Elena.