Jeff stood, watching over as everybody rushed around Dixie. Leaving him stood there, watching as they performed CPR.
"Dixie you can't do this to me" Jeff whispered coming to terms that he may be on his own, without his Dixie.
Ten minutes dragged on still nothing, twenty minutes still nothing. Zoe turned to Jeff, listening to his pleas of saving Dixie, normally they would have stopped by now but this was Dixie they couldn't give up on her.
The whole room let out a sigh of relieve as Dixie started to breathe again, it had quite obviously been the worst twenty minutes Jeff had lived, the twenty minutes he was without Dixie. Once all her tubes had been checked he could sit with her once again, he rubbed circles on the back of her hand, enjoying her feeling of warmth, from this experience he knew he never wanted to be without her.
"What have you done Dix? Why didn't you talk to me?" Jeff whispered still rubbing circles around her hand; he wanted to know why she had done what she had, why she didn't confide in him about her feelings. The only person he was going to get theses answers from was Dixie, he watched over her feeling hopeless knowing she had been going through this alone.
"Jeff, once she is awake we are going to get in touch with the hospital councillor, get her the help she needs" Zoe put her arm on his shoulder, trying to comfort him but the only person who could do that now was Dixie. Zoe didn't know herself why Dixie done what she did, normally she was one of the happiest members of the E.D, but secretly she was doing something that nobody expected not even Jeff. She then checked over Dixie's vitals, slowly she was getting stronger.
"I've failed her haven't I?" he asked Zoe, not taking his eyes of Dixie.
"Jeff why do you think that?" Zoe stopped what she was doing to listen to Jeff
"I should have spotted it, I know her better than anyone."
"This was something none of us expected Jeff, you can't go blaming yourself over this"
"Why, I should have noticed what she was doing. The thought never occurred to me that she was…" Jeff couldn't even say it, it was too much for him to take in.
"It's ok Jeff; know that we know we can get her help"
"I should have got her help after her dad died; it would have stopped all this from happening"
"Jeff you don't know that for sure" Zoe understood how she felt, but there was no way of knowing that they could have prevented this from happening.
"Yes I do, if I would have got her help, she would have learnt to deal with it differently"
"You have to think of the future, she is going to need you more than ever"
"But if I have already failed her, what happens if I do it again" Jeff was scared of letting her down again and it having more deadly consequences.
"You haven't failed her Jeff" Zoe was trying to make Jeff see that it really wasn't his fault; he was going to really beat himself up over this.
"I have Zoe, and she died"
"We got her back Jeff" Zoe said, yes Dixie stopped breathing but she was with them now that was all what mattered, that she was still alive and on the mend. Jeff didn't say anything, just continued to stare at Dixie.
"Do you know how, I mean how she did it?" Jeff asked Zoe, wanting to know how she hurt herself so he could take precautions to stop it happening again.
"Her previous scars suggest a knife" Zoe said sadly, Jeff swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. From now on he wasn't going to leave Dixie alone, this way he could be sure it wasn't going to happen again he was determined to stop it happening again. She came too close to death this day, he was not going to let it happen again.
"Right…" He wasn't sure what else to say, the motivation for having a conversation was gone. If only Dixie could see him now, he was completely lost for words. He just hoped in the future this was something she could look back on and see how stupid she was, how she should have talked to him rather than injure herself on purpose.
"Do you want a drink?"
"No, I'm fine thanks"
"I'll be back to check on her in half an hour, if you need me before then I will be in cubicles" Zoe said, before going to leave.
"Zoe wait; thanks for saving her" Jeff was ever so grateful he didn't let her go, and that she didn't give up on her. Dixie was a major part of the E.D, nobody wanted to lose her, especially not Jeff Dixie was everything to him, and he wasn't sure how he would be able to cope without her. Then it came to him, he wouldn't be able to cope without her, he knew he wouldn't be able to go on living without her in his life.
"You mean too much to me Dix, I'm not sure how I would have coped if I lost you" He admitted, hoping she would wake up, but got nothing except her sleeping form. He continued to rub his fingers in patterns across her hand.
"What am I gonna do with you" He said with a little tear falling, not knowing how he was going to help her through this, but she would need him and he was going to be there with her every step of the way, whether she liked it or not. All he wanted was his old Dixie back, the one he could laugh and Joke with he just preyed she was still in there.
He put his head on the bed, hiding his head in the sheets sniffing and trying to keep himself together. He sat back up, and then rubbed Dixie's hair.
"I love you too much to let you do this to yourself Dix" He continued to stroke her hair, then noticed her eyelids fluttering then opening, revealing her scared blue eyes.
"How you feeling princess?" He asked, but she noticed her arms were exposed and began to panic.
"Tired, what am I doing here?" She looked around her surroundings realising she was in hospital.
"What have you done to yourself Dix?" Jeff asked, wanting answers as he was a very confused man.
"Nothing, they are just scratches I picked up out and about" She tried one last attempt of hiding her secret, but it was too late Jeff knew.
"Princess both me and you know they aren't, why?" He asked, wanting to know why cutting herself made her feel better than talking to him.
"Was it because of me?" He added,
"No" Dixie knew he would think it was his fault, that he wouldn't understand it made her feel better.
"Then why? Tell me princess, please tell me. Why?" He continued to beg, wanting to know why she was doing this.