Author's Note: As of today, this story officially has 2,000 reviews! Thank you so much to each and every one of you for every review you have left. I read them all, and I respond to absolutely as many as I can. I am so grateful that you all have found this story of mine that came out of one little scene in my head and somehow developed into this. I never thought it would become something so many people read. So, thank you! I guess fate just has a sense of humor, because this chapter just happened to be ready to go. Here ya go! I won't make this long, because I know a lot of you know what event this chapter is going to address, so I'll let you get to it.
Chapter 39
Nothing turns out
The way you want it
Nothing plays out
Like you saw in your mind
The room was quiet, filled with a tense silence that no one seemed to know how to break. This was it, the last few minutes before he would watch Andie walk down that aisle. The wedding planner had just left the room after informing him that she was less than five minutes away from the church. Instead of hearing words of congratulations and downing celebratory shots before the ceremony, all he got was silence.
And he couldn't take it anymore.
"I feel I'm walking to my execution. You are all acting like I'm dying."
Stefan finally looked up from the spot he'd been staring at on the floor for the past twenty minutes, his eyes tired and dim. "You look like you're walking to your execution."
"Forgive me," he scoffed with a heavy trace of sarcasm, "It's been a stressful day."
His brother looked to Caroline and Alaric, and he could see a battle waging behind his green eyes, like he had something to say, but didn't know how to say it. "Can you two give me a moment with Damon?" he asked after a minute. Both quickly nodded and left them to their own devices after Caroline squeezed her husband's shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.
Once the door was closed Damon turned to Stefan. "What do you need to talk to me about that you needed Caroline and Ric out of the room for?"
Stefan stood from the couch and sighed deeply. From across the room, Damon could feel the guilt and love rolling off of his brother in waves. For all of the problems they'd had today and in the past, he knew his brother loved him, and while he was certain he wouldn't like a lot of what Stefan was about to say, he knew it was out of love. He hadn't wanted to hear any of it earlier, and a big part of him didn't want to hear it now, but as he looked at him, he couldn't tell his brother to shut up. He had to listen.
"My whole life, you've tried to fix every problem I've ever had." Stefan shook his head, a small smile pulling at his lips. "I hated you so much for it when I was a teenager, Damon. Half the kids at school were scared to be my friend because of you. Even before you had all these resources at your disposal, everyone lived in fear of you. It felt suffocating, and like you could never just let me make my own decisions. It was only once I got older that I realized you let me make plenty of them and plenty of mistakes too, but you never let me make one so big that it would change my life forever. I've tried to do that with you. God have I tried, but you're like a brick wall, and I've never been able to save you before the damage was done."
"It's not your job to protect me or save me, Stefan. That's on me."
"Then why is it on you to do the same for me?"
He shrugged and answered without a second thought, "Because I'm your big brother, and no one else was ever going to be there to do my job. As much as I hate to admit it, dad also kept me from making some pretty big mistakes. He was too focused on me though, to pay attention to what you were doing, and mom was gone. It had to be me."
"I love dad, but he's never protected you in the way that really mattered, Damon. He cleaned up your messes, but he didn't protect you."
"Stefan, why are you doing this? I don't want to talk about dad and what he did and didn't do."
His brother walked toward him, a determined look now flashing in his gaze. "I'm doing this because today, I'm going to be the one that fixes something for you. I'm going to save you the same way you always did for me. You give me the word and this is all over. I will fix everything and get you out of this church if you want to." Stefan rested both of his hands on Damon's shoulders, effectively invading his space and capturing all of his attention. "Give me the word."
While his brother painted a very simple, easy picture, Damon knew it wasn't quite that easy. He wasn't a teenager who had too much to drink and needed to be snuck in. He was a grown man and this was his wedding day. Hundreds of people were outside in that chapel waiting for him and Andie. Her entire family was out there, and soon she would be out there too. He couldn't abandon all of this. He couldn't abandon her.
With ease he removed Stefan's hands from his shoulders and stepped away from his brother. "While I appreciate the sentiment, it isn't needed. And give it up, Stefan. You're doing this because you think you should, not because you want to. You want me with Andie, not Elena. You still can't stand her."
"A few months ago, I probably would have agreed with you, but fatherhood has had a profound impact on me. Part of that impact has been about Elena. It took me until Sawyer was born to realize I was really just hanging onto anger for her because you were angry with her. But the moment I saw her place him in your arms, it all hit me. You haven't been mad at her in months. In fact, I don't even know if you were ever really mad at her. I think it's all been one big lie you've told yourself to get through those years without her, one you had to keep telling yourself after she was back, because you had Andie. Now I think it's just a lie you tell yourself because you're scared. Don't get me wrong, like earlier today I still get caught up in being angry on your behalf, but I think I'm fighting a one man battle on that front. You're not mad at her, not about today, not about a year ago, and not about Chicago. You're hurt, horribly hurt, but you're not mad."
His brother's words left him frozen in his spot, words glued to the back of his throat. For the past year he'd been telling himself that he was filled with an immense anger for Elena. The amount would waver a lot, but he always tried to tell himself it was there. She'd left him, broken his heart, of course he was mad. But as he stood here with his brother now, he was beginning to realize that maybe he hadn't been mad, just misguided, just hurt.
He had no words to say in response though. His brother, the one person on his side who he really thought wanted him to go through with this, was telling him to run, and that he'd hold off the cavalry. His brother wanted him to run, and he didn't know what to do with that revelation.
A knock on the door roughly jolted him from his paralysis, and his head jerked around just in time to see the wedding planner stick her head in and say the words that would make it all real. "It's time."
Stefan moved beside him, a look of panic on his face. He grabbed to Damon's arm and said, "You don't have to do this. There's still time."
While his brother's words meant more to him than he might ever be able to express, he couldn't take his advice. "Go get Ric and meet me out there," he said quietly, but Stefan refused to move, shaking his head back and forth. "I can't leave her now, Stefan. What you're suggesting, I can't do that to her."
"Damon," he said, eyes wide and frantic. But it had no impact, it couldn't have. He gently pushed his brother toward the door, ushering him out to give him some time alone.
"I'll be there soon. Just go."
Fighting much resistance, he finally managed to get Stefan out of the door and close it behind him. He needed a few minutes to himself to process the rest of the day. He was going to walk into that chapel, stand at the altar, greet his bride with a smile, and get married. They didn't have a perfect relationship, but it was good. It was solid. He loved her. Maybe this love was different, but his love for Elena, and even Katherine, hadn't gotten him anything in the end either.
After a final deep breath and silent reassurance he opened the door, only to find Caroline's uncharacteristically stoic face in front of him. Caught off guard he let go of the door and moved back into the room. Giving her the chance to breeze in, her steps firm and steady as she slammed the door behind her and stepped past him. He turned around, ready to ask her what she needed, when he saw her digging through her purse and saying, "I know this is way over the line, even for me, but I had to do it."
She produced a tattered envelope from her purse like a badge of honor, holding it proudly in her hand. Recognition sparked within him, and his entire body immediately stiffened. "You broke into my house and went through my stuff?"
"Technically, I stole the spare key from Stefan and let myself in. No actual breaking in was required," she explained, now timid as she took in the expression on his face. "And yeah, I went through your things. Again, I know, crazy far over the line, like, so far over it that I'm on another continent, but I had to do it, and you know I had to do it."
"What I know is that I told you to not go through my things," he bit out, feeling completely violated by the fact that Caroline had thought it perfectly okay to search his home for that letter. And if she'd gone into that drawer to get the letter that would mean she had to have seen the ring.
Oh god.
"When do I ever listen to you?" she questioned with a small laugh that quickly died when he didn't relax in the slightest. She sighed, a remorseful look crossing over her face and she stepped toward him. "I gave you this letter almost three years ago, and I know I was only giving you the option, but I should have told you to read it. Not that I think you would have, but I'm going to say it now and hope you will." She extended her arm out, the letter dangling from her fingers, waiting for him to retrieve it from her.
"No offense, Caroline, but how is this supposed to change my mind on my wedding day? I think it's a little late for that letter."
"I think it will change something because you're hanging onto your decision by a thread. I may drive you insane half the time, but you're my brother in law, and I know a thing or two about you. I also know a thing or two about my best friend. I know that ever since high school, when things got hard, the only effective way she could communicate was through her writing. I think this letter is going to tell you everything you've wanted to know since the moment she walked out that door." She shook the letter in front of him, pushing it closer to him. "Read the letter, Damon."
"What is this, some tag-team mission you and my brother have come up with to try and stop me from getting married? First there's Stefan, and the speech he just gave me, conveniently followed by this."
A confused look passed over Caroline's face as she questioned, "What are you talking about?"
Caroline's eyes sparked in hope and pride. "What did Stefan talk to you about?"
"Wait, you two didn't plan this?"
Without any tell of lying, she shook her head back and forth in denial. "We didn't plan anything, but I guess we're both thinking the same thing." She pushed the envelope into his chest saying "So, read the letter. If you're really right about all of this, reading it won't change anything. You'll read it, know you did, walk out of this room, and marry Andie. At least that way you'll know you made the decision because it's what you want."
Slowly, he extended his arm enough to grab the envelope from Caroline, unsure of exactly what he was doing. His fingers closed around the worn paper, feeling the weight of it in his hands. He imagined the letter always felt much heavier to him than to anyone else. The words in the letter inside the envelope carried the possibility to change everything. "Caroline, I don't think I can read this, not today."
"You have to," she insisted strongly. "You can't get married without reading it." She gave his hand an encouraging squeeze before she began to back away from him. "I'm going to go out there and wait with your brother, while you stay in here for a minute and read the letter."
She left him alone in the silent room with nothing but his thoughts and the letter that had haunted him for almost three years. The day Caroline had given him the letter, he set it on top of his nightstand, where it sat for more than a month. He told himself he'd read it one day, whenever he got time, but after a month, he shoved it into the drawer with the plan to throw it away one day. The day never came, and it stayed sealed in his drawer at all times, except for those dark, lonely nights where he couldn't resist the call of it.
Some nights he would lie on his bed, staring at it for hours, telling himself to just open it and get it over with. He'd had his fingers on the corner of that closing flap more times than he could count, ready to rip it open and finally read it, but he could never take that final step. He could never just open it and read it. The more time passed, the harder it got to even think about opening the letter. He didn't know if he even wanted to know what it said. He didn't want to question any decision he'd made while letting it sit in that drawer.
Though he had tried to throw it away many times, he could never take that step either. And now it was here, in his hands, Caroline's words on a loop in his head. He didn't want to know when she'd even snuck into his house to steal it, but she had. She'd thought it important enough to risk pissing off Stefan and causing a horrible fight with him. She'd risked that because she thought he needed to read it, and maybe he did. Maybe she was right, he needed to read this to be able to marry Andie. He would read it and then do what he came here to do today, get married.
With shaky hands, he took that step he'd never been able to take in all this time. He ripped it open quickly, allowing himself no moment of second-guessing or doubt. The letter easily fell out, as if it had been waiting all these years to be free. This was the moment of truth, time for him to finally find out what Elena found so important to tell him three years ago, that she wrote it all in a letter before she left, and still tried to ask him about after she got back. She'd thought this letter was important and meant something. Now he needed to see what it was.
He gently unfolded the paper, careful not to tear it or crumple it beneath his touch. His eyes skimmed the letter first, reading none of it, but taking in the shaky handwriting covering the page, and the small smudges from tears she'd most likely shed while writing the letter. His name stared up at him as he took one, final needed breath before he finally began to read the words that had been next to him for three years.
Damon,
I wish I knew what to say in this letter. I wish I knew how to find the words that could somehow make this all better, but I know I cannot. I'm writing this because I love you, and because, for some reason, writing seems to be the only way I've been able to communicate my feelings anymore. I've tried to talk to you in these past few months, oh have I tried, but no matter how long I stared at you next to me in bed every night, the words would never come. Ever since that night, I've lost all ability to say anything I want or need to. I'm scared no words will ever be enough to explain how I feel.
This isn't about asking for forgiveness. I don't deserve it from you or anyone. I went about this in all the wrong ways, and I wish I could fix that, but it's already done. Something is broken inside of me, and I don't know how to fix it. Ever since I woke up in your arms in the bathroom that night I knew nothing would be the same. And it hasn't been. I don't know how to make it better, and I don't know how to let you try. I don't know how to let anyone try. Everything is broken. I'm broken.
I'm broken and it all hurts so much. I wake up every morning and I can't breathe. I don't know how to deal with any of it, and because of that I'm hurting you. I'm hurting everyone around me, and I can't do it anymore. I can't look at you every day and see that pain on your face, knowing that it's my fault. I have gone about this in all of the wrong ways, but I am genuinely trying to make things better. The only way I know how to do that is to leave. All I'm doing is hurting you, and it only hurts me even more. I look at you and see all the pain I'm causing you, and sometimes it makes me so mad. I get so angry at myself because I can't just wake up and change, but it's like I'm frozen.
I have all of these things inside of me, but I can't get any of them out. I can't talk to you anymore, and you can't talk to me. That's my fault. I've done this to us, and the only way I know to try and fix it is by going to Chicago. I don't want to break you the same way I've broken myself. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I know you'll never believe that, but it's true. I love you. God, I love everything about you, and I don't know how I'm going to do any of this without you, but I have to. I'm afraid that if I don't I'll break you. Sometimes I think I already have. The night we first slept together in Las Vegas, I asked you not to break my heart. Maybe you should have been the one asking me.
Despite all of your proclamations that you were nothing but bad news for me, you have been by my side through everything for this entire year, and now that you need me I've failed. You have loved me, comforted me, and cared for me since the moment we found out I was pregnant. I was twenty-two and scared to death, and you were there for me. You've always been there for me, holding my hand through it all when no one thought you would. You are such a better man than you even realize, and I can't be the reason that changes.
I just want you to be happy. Right now I don't think that's with me. I don't think it's been with me in a long time. I wish things were different. I wish I were different. I wish I could be who you needed. There are so many things I wish, but I don't think I can make any of them real for a very long time. I am so sorry, Damon. I don't know if you'll ever read this, or if you'll believe a word of it, but I mean every word of it. I love you, and I know no matter what happens while I'm away, that will never change. You are forever going to be the man that found me lost and alone by that rooftop pool, and gave me hope that I would find my way. I haven't found that way yet, but I'm trying, and I will never stop hoping it leads me back to you. I love you with everything I am, as messed up as it all be right now, but it's true. I love you, and I'm sorry.
The letter fell from his hands, gliding seamlessly to the floor as he stumbled back, a strangled breath breaking free from his lungs. All the memories that he'd tried so hard to push away came rushing back. Nights that he'd lain awake next to a silently crying Elena, trying to pretend like it wasn't real, were suddenly in the forefront of his mind. The pain and desperation in her words washed over him like a waterfall. Everything he didn't want to think about and remember was there, and at the absolute worst time possible.
He was supposed to be in the chapel already, well on his way to making Andie his wife. Instead he was in here, remembering his time with another woman, the one woman that Andie was threatened by.
"Damon," the wedding planner's panicked whisper caught his attention and he looked up to see her in the doorway, Stefan, Caroline, and Ric behind him, all wearing looks of varied worry. "We have to go! Andie's ready."
The words jolted him into action, and his feet began to carry him forward, somehow moving at their own free will with no effort from him. He couldn't let the letter change his mind. He couldn't walk away from what he said he'd do. He couldn't fail someone else. Elena did when she left for Chicago, and he'd said he'd never fail anyone in that way. This was the moment of truth, where he had to show what his word was worth.
"Damon, what are you doing?" Caroline asked from behind him. "Didn't you read it?"
He didn't answer Caroline as he made his way through the small hallway that would take him to the chapel. He loved Andie, and he could do this. He was doing the right thing, and people would see that soon.
The chapel grew immediately silent the moment he stepped through the door, and all attention turned to him as every person watched him take his spot at the altar, his brother and Ric by his side. His father, who was in the front row, gave him a small nod, and Damon knew he was telling him in his own way he'd done the right thing.
"Damon," his brother whispered from beside him, "It's not too late."
He quickly looked at Stefan and tried to give him the most assuring smile he could. "I've made my decision."
"Damon," Stefan began again, but at that moment, the music started up and the doors opened at the back of the church. Whatever Stefan had to say couldn't be said now, it was too late.
He watched her bridesmaids make their way down the long aisle, both women watching him with cautious looks, but he couldn't manage to see them clearly. He was taken back to a time he'd watched Elena walk down an aisle similar to this, a black gown draped over her glowing body. Her eyes had watched him the entire way. Even as Caroline had come down that aisle, all he'd seen was her. She had been filled with so much love and life back then, not yet broken down by another tragedy in her life.
Everything about her had made him smile in a way he never had. She got him to shut his mind off and be in the moment with her, to not care about the arrangement they'd made, and how one thing or another didn't fit in with it. That had been the night he started to fully realize the impact she was having on him, and the impact he was having on her. He'd been oblivious to her growing feelings for him up until that point, and once they were pointed out to him, he couldn't push them away. Caroline might argue he still couldn't.
He found her eyes in that front pew, sitting next to his father, Sawyer resting comfortably in her arms. She tried to smile and give him some form of an assuring nod, but it fell flat. Elena was her best friend, and he knew she was filled with immense pain today over the knowledge of how much pain her friend was in. He wished he could give her some comfort for it all, but he was the one that caused the pain, so any comfort he tried to give wouldn't accomplish anything.
The first sounds of the wedding march filtered through the chapel and everyone stood to look toward the back of the chapel. The doors were closed again, but moments later they opened and for the first time that day he saw Andie. Her eyes were on nothing but him as she began her walk down the aisle with her arm looped through her father's. The white gown hugged her frame, and he struggled to take it all in, but he couldn't seem to notice a single detail.
All he could see again was Elena. This time her stricken face as she'd stepped into that elevator last night and left him alone in that hallway. As the doors had slid shut on her and Colin, he'd felt an overwhelming anger come over him. He'd risked a lot to go to her last night, rushing to beat Caroline and Stefan home, waking her up even though she'd been sleeping soundly when he'd shown up. It had been the last place he should have been, but he went, because he had to talk to her one last time.
These past few months had been filled with conversations that were almost honest, but never quite were. There were so many things they'd both tried to say that they never got to. There were always interruptions and old feelings of betrayal getting in the way, and as he'd stood in this church last night for the rehearsal, he decided he had to go to her. It had been hard to sit through the dinner afterward and pretend like his mind was not on anything else, but he had managed, and then he had fled.
He went to her last night because he thought that was what he had to do. He didn't think he needed to read the letter. He thought he needed to talk to her. He didn't know what he was expecting from it all, but he had to ask her the one question he had been scared to ask her for months. He had to know how she knew she'd made a mistake when she moved to Chicago. She'd been so adamant that it was the right thing when she left, even though he knew it would be a disaster. She'd been determined in the same way he now was to marry Andie. Everyone seemed to be telling him he was wrong, but he wouldn't listen. So, he went to her, thinking maybe she could give him the answer he needed.
At first she'd tried to walk away, desperate to avoid the conversation, probably scared of a fight, but he pushed her. He pushed until he got an answer, but it hadn't been enough, he needed more. Like always, they were interrupted before they got the chance to discuss it any further. So he followed her into that hallway to plead with her to talk to him. He needed that conversation more than he now realized she probably understood. He'd seen the torn, scared look on her face as she apologized and got into the elevator, but that hadn't been enough to keep him from getting mad, so mad that he sent her away when she showed up at the hotel.
He told himself the answer didn't matter anymore, the situation wasn't the same. He wasn't running away from everything he knew. He was simply marrying a girl who loved him and who he loved in return. He told himself Elena'd been too late. In his head he knew that had she told him she loved him last night, he might not be here right now, but by the time she'd said it, he told himself it didn't matter anymore. He'd spent all day telling himself it didn't matter, but now he'd read the letter, and maybe it did matter. Maybe it had always mattered, and it always would.
Suddenly, the music stopped and Andie and her father were next to him, waiting for him to take her hand and guide her to the preacher. On autopilot he retrieved her arm from her father's and moved forward. He could feel her hand shaking in his and he felt a heavy weight rest down upon his shoulders. She was scared to death. They were supposed to get married and she was scared to death. The day wasn't supposed to be like this, nothing about their wedding should have ever been like this.
"You may be seated," the preacher spoke up, and out of memory, Damon turned to face Andie, finally taking her face in, and all the fear she had in her. He watched her as the preacher spoke, trying to gauge everything she was feeling and thinking, but he couldn't get beyond her fear and the trembling of her hands.
Just a few short weeks ago she'd told him she didn't want to know what had gone on between him and Elena. She wanted him to lie to her and keep the truth from her, and he'd complied. He'd willingly complied because he didn't know how to tell her. How could he look her in the eyes and tell her he slept with another woman? That would open up an entire can of worms he wouldn't know how to close. It would force him to face why he'd done what he'd done, and he hadn't been able to do that yet. He still didn't know if he'd be able to do it, but as he looked at her right now and saw all of the lies he'd put between them, he didn't know how to turn away from it.
She wasn't the only one scared, he was too. He'd been scared since the moment he proposed. When he'd woken up in Elena's bed that morning, her naked body entwined with his, for a fleeting moment he got lost in it, and that scared him. As he stared at her, so vulnerable and fragile in his arms, he felt the love for her that had always been there, and the ease at which it all came back to him had sent him into a panic. He thought of all the nights he'd spent too drunk to move after she left, and he was too scared to go back to that. Then, he thought of Andie and imagined the look on her face that would surely be there if she ever knew what happened. The idea of causing her the pain he'd been through was too much, and he'd fled.
He proposed to her out of fear and guilt, and he'd spent every day since then trying to change that. He tried to love her the way she needed. God did he try. When she came back home a few weeks ago and saw him with Elena, he knew he'd failed miserably. The look he'd feared to see on her face was there, and it killed him. He hated a part of himself for it, and he wondered if a part of him always would. When he married her, he'd spend the rest of their lives trying to be what she needed, to love her in the way that she loved him, and he was scared he'd fail each and every time.
"Damon?" Andie asked, her voice small and quiet as she spoke to him.
It was then he realized the preacher was asking him something. "Do you have your vows?"
He looked out to the sea of people, all watching him, waiting for him to recite his vows. And then he looked to Andie, her face filled with confusion and worry as she watched him. He tried to think back on the vows he'd come up with earlier this week, but he couldn't. They were gone now.
"I," he licked his lips and swallowed, trying to draw some moisture into his suddenly dry mouth, and Andie's face immediately fell. The realization hit her the moment it hit him, and it hit like a tidal wave. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm sorry."
Her hands fell from his grasp and she stepped away from him, tears glistening in her eyes. She looked to the preacher and then to the guests, mostly a room filled with faces neither of them knew and never would. As everyone began to catch on to what was happening, a quiet chatter sparked, and she looked back at him. He shook his head, unable to say anything else, unsure of what he would even say if he could. With a nod of her head, she straightened and went off down the aisle. Everyone watched in shock as she left, and then they all turned to him, uncertain of what to do.
He felt a hand come around his arm and begin pulling him back toward the door he'd come in through just a few short minutes ago. "Come on," he heard Stefan's voice speak from behind him. "Come on."
"No, stop!" He ripped his arm from Stefan's grasp and took off toward the back of the church, pushing his way through the stunned crowd. "Andie!" he called out to her as he caught sight of her white dress disappearing around the corner. Her bridesmaids tried to turn and block him from going after her, but he easily swerved around them just in time to see her slipping into a room at the end of the hallway. "Andie." He pushed through the door before it could close all the way, and slammed it shut behind him.
"Really, Damon?" she asked from a few feet in front of him, but she didn't turn to him.
"I am so sorry, Andie," he apologized, moving around her still form so he could see her face. There were still tears in her eyes, but none fell as she slowly shook her head back and forth as he said "I didn't mean for this to happen?"
"You know what really sucks about this? I actually know that. I know that you wanted to marry me, a big part of you wanted it, but it wasn't the part that mattered. And that sucks."
"I know," he whispered, "I'm sorry."
She sighed and lifted her dress so she could comfortably move to the couch and sit down with a heavy drop. "Elena got to you when she came to the hotel, didn't she?"
"No," he easily denied. "I sent her away. She still thinks I chose you."
"So why didn't you?"
"Honestly, up until five minutes ago, I did." Even after he read the letter, he'd still had himself convinced he was going through with this. It had all been built on delusions, but he'd stood firm in those delusions. It was only when she started coming down that aisle that he began to realize that he couldn't do it. "I think part of it was you and how scared you looked."
"Of course I was scared!" she exclaimed. "Your ex-girlfriend came to see you on your wedding day."
"Exactly! It shouldn't be like this, Andie. You shouldn't have to be scared of what I'll choose. You shouldn't be scared of our wedding day. You should be happy, and it's my fault that you're not."
"It's not your fault," she said quietly. "I don't think either of us have gone about this in the best way. I knew things weren't right."
Damon walked over to the couch and sat down on the sagging cushion, making sure not to pull on her dress as he did so. "Then why were you going to do this?"
"Because I have a dad that's running for president, Damon. You're not the only one who has an overbearing dad."
As he looked at her and saw the anguished look on her face, he realized how much he hadn't noticed in the past several months. He knew her dad was rough, but the man adored her. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Cause you hate my dad, and I figured there wasn't much to talk about. I was scared of disappointing people too. That's why you let it get this far, right?"
"Partly, but I really just didn't want to hurt you. I've tried not to, but things get so confusing sometimes and—"
"You're in love with her," Andie finished for him. Her voice didn't hold any malice or real pain, just honesty. "You've always been in love with her. And please don't try to lie to me to spare my feelings. You just dumped me at the altar. I think we can stick to the truth for this one."
Even with the choice he'd just made, it was still hard to find the words to say what really went on inside of his head. After spending three years denying so much of it, his first instinct was to still that. It all felt impossible to face sometimes, so he didn't. Now he needed to. Trying to ignore it had only gotten him in more trouble, and hurt more people than he had wanted. It would be cruel to continue doing it now.
"Yeah," he admitted quietly, "I'm in love with her. I don't think I ever stopped."
Andie let out a laugh from beside him, one filled with amazement and some sense of irony. "It took an almost wedding, but I finally got the truth out of you."
"Why aren't you furious with me?" he questioned, astonished that she could even be in the same room with him, let alone have an actual conversation. "You should be screaming at me and throwing things."
"No offense, but that was definitely more how your relationships went with Katherine and Elena. Maybe that's the problem. No matter how your relationships with them ended, that dynamic worked for you. But, truthfully, I think I've been preparing myself for this outcome since I got back a few weeks ago. I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to admit it. Guess that's how we worked for this long. We liked our land of denial."
"Damon," Stefan came in the door looking frazzled, "We have to go. Andie's dad and ours are five seconds away from coming in here, and it won't be pretty. Caroline has them distracted, but unless you want to deal with that, we have to leave."
He looked to Andie, not sure if he should leave yet. This was the most honest conversation with her he'd had in years, and she deserved this from him. She deserved to know whatever it was she wanted to. But when she turned to him, she motioned him toward the door. "Go, I'll handle my dad, and send your dad back to the hotel or something."
"I can't make you do this alone. I did this, Andie. I should face it."
"Damon, my dad's always hated you, and he's always going to. You staying here won't change that. Trust me, just go."
Unsure he stood up and allowed Stefan to pull him toward the door. "Are you sure?"
With a slow nod of her head she told him, "Go tell Elena you're sorry and be honest with her too. She deserves it too."
"Since we're on this whole honesty kick, I have one more thing I should say. Your dad's campaign guy, you know, the one who couldn't look at me without grimacing last night? Totally in love with you."
Andie's brows furrowed in confusion, and he had to admit what he'd just said had come a bit out of left field, but it was true. He'd met her dad's campaign manager a few times – didn't know his name, but he'd met him. At first he'd thought the guy just didn't like him because Andie's dad didn't, but he realized as he looked at the guy last night that there was more to it than that. He had much of the same look on his face that Damon had had when he saw Elena with Colin. And Elena hadn't even been marrying the pretty boy model. It wasn't much, but he could throw the guy a bone by alerting Andie to what was right under her own nose.
"Oh my god, I love your tie!" They heard Caroline's overly excited voice down the hallway, and Stefan roughly grabbed his arm and jerked him from the room, leaving a momentarily stunned looking Andie behind.
"I had Alaric tell the driver to move the car to the side of the building, and Caroline should be following after us in just a few short moments. If you would like to get out of this without fighting with dad, I suggest you walk fast and stop staring back at that door."
"I just dumped her at the altar, Stefan. I think it's a little mean to run away because I don't want to deal with the fallout."
"Oh, trust me, you'll deal with the fallout soon enough, but for now, I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you just left. Her dad wants your head on a platter."
"That bad?" he asked as Stefan dragged him down another hallway, toward a dark door at the end.
"Yeah, that bad. Apparently he wants to sue you for the cost of the wedding, something about emotional trauma or whatever."
"He doesn't have to sue me for that, I'll pay for the wedding. I'm the one who left, it's only right."
"Again, we can deal with that later."
Stefan pushed open the heavy door and Damon found himself being shoved onto the street, straight toward a smiling Alaric. "I feel like I'm in some getaway scene in a movie. This is great!"
"Nice to know someone is having fun in all of this," he grumbled. Leave it to Alaric to find this all exciting. Maybe one day he would be able to look back and find some humor in this whole thing, but right now he just felt bad. Andie was taking it all far better than he thought most people ever would, certainly better than he ever would, but he still didn't like that he'd done it. If he'd just gotten his head out of his ass months ago, he could have avoided all of this.
The door to the limo swung open and Caroline practically dove in, quickly handing Sawyer off to Stefan as she came in. "Okay, we have to go. I don't think Andie is going to be able to calm her dad down. He wants to kill you, Damon. I seriously think he's two seconds away from stealing a gun from one of his security guys. I've never seen someone so mad, and that's saying a lot, because I know you."
"Oh god," he groaned and fell back against the seat, ripping at the tie hanging from his neck like a noose. "This is a disaster. I've messed everything up."
So many things could be different right now if he'd listened to everyone around him, or if he'd even taken a moment to really listen to himself. He could have ended this whole thing long before it ever got to this point. Instead, he'd told himself he was doing the right thing. He convinced himself that just because he had a different love for Andie, the idea of marriage was perfect. In the process, he'd made a habit of getting Elena to be vulnerable and have a moment of hope, only to demolish it and tell her she was wrong. He caused so much damage, and now he'd have a long road ahead of him to fix it.
"No, you made everything better," Caroline said. "You could have saved us all some trouble and made your mind up like a year ago, but at least you did it before you signed that dotted line on the marriage license."
"So what now?" Stefan asked from beside his wife. "Where do you go from here, Damon?"
The wise choice for him right now would probably be to say that he wanted to go home. That would be the best decision for a guy that just called off his wedding. He'd made enough rash decisions for the day, so he probably shouldn't even think about making another, but there was just one more he wanted to make – one more he needed to make.
"Nashville." Stefan's eyes widened in shock at his words, but Caroline and Ric both appeared to be anything but surprised by his revelation. "You said that's where Elena went," he told his sister-in-law, "So that's where I want to go."
He couldn't afford to sit in his penthouse and wait for her to get back. So much could happen in the time it would take her to return. He had to go to her now. He had to see her and tell her was sorry. He had to tell her he loved her and that he wanted her. There were so many things he needed to say, and he'd waited too long to say them. He had to do it now.
They all stared at him silently for a few moments, and he was almost beginning to wonder if he'd misread his best friend and sister-in-law all wrong when a smile broke out across Caroline's face and she said, "I was hoping you'd say that." She turned toward the front of the limo and told the driver, "We need to go to JFK. Now!"
He found Caroline's grin to be infectious as he stared at her across the limo, but it couldn't take away the nervous feeling bubbling up in his stomach, because no matter how much he wanted this, none of it mattered if Elena didn'. "You think she really wants to see me?" It was an understandable question. He had just sent her away with a broken heart a few hours ago.
Caroline nodded her head. "I think you're the only one she wants to see. She loves you and she wants you. So go get her."
"And how do I do that?"
He and Elena had made such a mess over things in the past four years that he didn't know if he should even go off of what he might think of doing. What if she was furious with him, even after she found out he didn't get married? He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he didn't want to mess it all up even worse. He was finally ready to admit the truth to himself, that he loved her more than anything in his world, and he wanted her by his side no matter what, but she might need convincing of that. He needed to know how to do that.
"You tell her you love her, you want to be with her, and you're sorry. Then you come back here and live happily ever after. However, before you do that I have something for you." He watched Caroline dig in her purse for the second time that day, scared of what she would pull out this time. Would this be another letter that would change everything? What would she pull out of her bag of tricks now? "Here, happy non-wedding day."
She shoved two pieces of paper into his hands, and before they could fall, he clutched them in his hands. He looked down at the papers to realize they were tickets. "What the hell are these?"
"Remember when I was in labor and I told you that you and Elena needed to just go to some deserted island to sort all of your drama out?" He nodded his head mutely. That conversation was unfortunately still burned into his brain. "Well, that's what you're going to do. These are two tickets to Tahiti for whenever you want to go. You're gonna go get Elena, and then you're going to go there, where you both will stay in some secluded little place on the ocean. You will hash all of your crap out and come home happy. The end."
"Are you crazy?" he demanded.
"Oh god, you didn't," Stefan mumbled at the same time. "Do you ever listen to anything I say?"
"Not really, no," she told her husband. "And right now, you all should be thanking me for that. If it wasn't for my affinity for snooping, Damon would be married. You're welcome."
He appreciated the sentiment, he did, but he couldn't just fly Elena out on some extended vacation. Things were horribly damaged between them at best. Trying to run off and lock themselves from the world might only make things worse.
"Caroline, I love you, and I am thankful for what you've done today, but it's all not this simple. It's more complicated than this." He wanted it to be this easy. He'd give anything for it to be this easy, but he knew that wasn't how it worked.
"You two make it complicated, and I'm telling you to stop it. Just go to Nashville and tell her how you feel. And please don't come back married."
"Okay, jumping ahead of yourself there, Caroline." With the hand Stefan had resting on his wife's leg he gave it a quick squeeze. "Let's just stay out of it from here. You got what you wanted."
"Well, he does have a tendency to make grandiose decisions at the drop of a hat. Remember that time he almost got married and called it off at the altar? Yeah, I rest my case."
Damon turned and looked out the window of the limo as it passed through the streets of New York as his brother and Caroline bickered. Could it all really be as simple as she said? It didn't feel like it. Things hadn't been simple for them in a long time and he didn't know how to get them to that point again. Hell, he didn't even know that Elena wouldn't send him away. He was taking a risk by going to Nashville the same way she'd taken a risk to come to him today. It had worked out horribly for her, and that was all on him, but he hoped that it would work differently this time.
This morning, she'd shown up outside of his hotel room and laid it all on the line for him. She'd bared her heart and soul to him, and when he crushed it, she didn't get mad or fight. With a tearful smile she told him to be happy and left. Now it was his turn to lay it all out there and risk her doing to him what he'd done to her. Everything could blow up in his face down there, and he could be left with nothing when it was all said and done. He'd have no Andie and he'd have no Elena, but he had to try.
He had to get her back. He couldn't entertain the thought of it not happening. He was scared, but he had to get her back. For some reason that he didn't know if he'd ever be able to explain, he loved that girl. And when they got it right, they got it right. For three years, everything and anything had gotten in the way, including themselves, but he wanted that to end. The woman he loved was still there, through all of the pain and heartbreak, she was there, and he couldn't let her walk away again. This time it would be different. It had to be.