Chapter 40
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Elena felt like her heart might explode from her chest at any moment. It pounded roughly against her rib cage as she stood in front of yet another door of another guy whose heart she'd broken. After what had happened yesterday, she had still managed to get herself to Matt's apartment, and was now waiting for him to open his front door. Luckily she wasn't asking him to not get married or anything of that nature, but this could still all turn out horribly.
It could really be that final crushing blow to her ego and just her life in general. Matt could possibly not care about how she felt in regards to how they ended their relationship. He might not care to hear an apology from her at all. It had taken her almost four years to give one, and it was really only coming after she'd had her heart completely stomped on by the love of her life, but it was genuine. That had to all count for something, right?
When the door began to open, Elena's heart leapt to her throat, and she finally came face to face with Matt. She looked at the man she'd once thought she'd spend her life with, if only she had gotten over the fear she had back when she was 22. Now they were older, his hair was a little shorter, and his face showed a few signs of age, but he was still the Matt she remembered. He still had the blond hair that the girls seemed to love. His eyes, though confused right now, were as gentle as ever. He was Matt.
"Hi," she squeezed out through her tightened throat, trying to calm her nerves enough to actually say something.
"Elena?" he asked, stepping closer, like he didn't believe who was really outside of his door. "What are you doing here?"
She giggled nervously and shrugged. "Would you believe me if I said I was in the neighborhood?"
"Not really, no."
"Okay," she sighed, trying to work up the courage to do what she'd come here to do. She came here to apologize to him and try to let him know how bad she truly felt about how things had turned out. "Do you mind if I come in for a minute? It's totally okay if not. You might still hate me, and if you do, feel free to just tell me to get lost. I'm pretty used to that at the moment. It wouldn't surprise me." Like she tended to do when she was nervous, she began to ramble, mushing all of her words together and speaking faster than she could breathe. She pretty much turned into Caroline.
"Come in?" he asked unsurely, and then looked back into his apartment for a moment before he turned to her and opened the door wide. "Hope you don't mind the mess. I'm doing some work from home today." She stepped into the condo that looked over downtown Nashville and took in the spacious, modern place where Matt lived.
It was a far cry from the apartment he'd shared with two other boys back when he was in law school. Then he had the epitome of the bachelor pad. Alcohol was never at a shortage. Clothes were often strewn all over the place. Leftover pizza would sit around for however long it took one of the girlfriends to get fed up with it all and throw it away. He'd lived in a disaster zone. Now, he lived in a bright condo that was clean and tidy, save for the papers he had scattered on his dining room table with his laptop.
"This place looks great, Matt. When did you learn to pick up your wet towels?" It was her poor attempt at keeping the mood from getting too tense or uncomfortable, but from the lack of laughter, she had to admit it didn't work well.
"Had to grow up sometime," he said from not far behind her.
Elena turned around and smiled softly. "You were always grown up. You just didn't like to clean."
Matt stared at her for several long moments. It felt like he was trying to see inside of her, maybe figure out what this impromptu visit was all about. She squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze, unsure of what would come next. Finally, he lifted his hand and ran it through his tousled blond locks. "What are you doing here?" he asked again, but his voice held no malice or frustration, just confusion.
She was gnawing on her bottom lip now, struggling to put into words why she was here. In the nearly 24 hours she'd spent getting here, she never actually thought about what she would say to him. She knew she wanted to say she was sorry, but she hadn't thought about how she would word it. So, when in doubt, might as well just jump straight in, right?
"Things didn't exactly end on a good note with us, and I never got the chance to tell you I was sorry. I was stupid and naïve and I regret that. You didn't deserve what I did, and I'm sorry I'm just now telling you that."
"Elena," he started hesitantly, "That was years ago. It sucked, but I got over it. You didn't have to come all the way down here to apologize. It's over."
"But I had to," she insisted. "I've realized how selfish and inconsiderate I was back then. I've already spent a year trying to make it up to everyone around me about something else I did, but yesterday I realized that you deserved an apology from me too. You deserve a lot more than that, and I'm sorry it's taken this long, but I really need you to know I'm sorry."
Matt looked away from her then, and she felt bad for the brief flash of pain she saw in his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, anything," she said immediately.
"Why'd you do it? Why were you scared of what I wanted, but okay with Damon?"
"What do you mean?" she questioned, not sure what he was really asking.
"You're not the only one that can keep up with what is happening in someone's life, Elena. I may have heard about you moving in with Damon."
"Oh, Matt," she sighed, wondering how much Matt actually knew about that time. "That is such a different can of worms right there."
"So tell me. You're here to make amends. Tell me all of it."
Elena looked down at the floor, ashamed of the answer she would soon give him. "When I met Damon, he was going through a divorce. I'd just found out that you told Bonnie you didn't think you'd ever marry me. I felt like you were just biding your time until I finally put you out of your misery, or until you could figure out how to dump me. I realized that you had figured out we had an expiration date, and I think that was when it hit me too. And it made me feel connected to him. I started to see him as this guy who was so different from what everyone told me. Caroline swore up and down he was the worst guy ever, but I saw something different."
"You felt like he understood it," Matt said softly, a touch of clarity in his voice, and maybe even some understanding.
"Yeah," she nodded, "I did. He wasn't like Caroline and Bonnie, who had been around our relationship from the beginning, and at that point, he wasn't trying to hit on me or anything like that. He was someone to talk to, someone who just understood what it felt like to think you were going to spend your life with someone, only to open your eyes one day and realize that it wasn't going to be that way. I know you probably don't believe me, but I loved you Matt."
"I know," he whispered. "I know you did."
"You were the first guy I ever fell in love with; high school didn't count. You taught me what it meant to be loved and how to be in love. I'm sorry I couldn't be who you needed me to be. I felt like I was stuck at a standstill, no idea where my life was going to go. I should have broken up with you after the engagement party. I should have told you about the kiss. I should have been honest with you about a lot of things. Because by the time we broke up, there was nothing platonic about me and Damon. He's a man determined to get what he wants, and for some reason he wanted me."
"Were you telling the truth that night when he showed up at your apartment? Did you really only kiss?"
"Yes, I was being totally honest. All we had done is kiss, and it was at the engagement party. The only other time was the night after we broke up. Caroline took me out to try and cheer me up and he was there. I drank a little more than I should, and it just happened."
"He finally got to make his move."
"Yeah," she smiled sadly, remembering his drunken declaration that they should sleep together with absolutely no strings attached. Looking back now, it was hard to believe there was ever a time where there weren't five hundred strings attached. She had been right that night though. She told him those situations never end well, and theirs hadn't. It had all ended like an atomic bomb; one she was still feeling the aftershocks from all these years later.
"I guess that look on your face tells me how you got from what you wanted with me to what you got with him."
If only he had any idea what she'd gotten with Damon.
"I think we should probably sit down for this one."
"Sure, sure." He quickly guided her to the large sectional in the center of the room and allowed her to find her spot before he sat down a safe distance away from her. "So," Matt began nervously, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. "You and Damon?"
"Got together," she responded quietly, "As you know. Matt, I want you to know we didn't move in together because I could suddenly see everything happening with Damon that I couldn't with you. It was nothing like that."
Not at first anyway, she thought. Getting lost in her memories, she remembered how those first few nights in Damon's place had been rough. Though she had been feeling more confident and secure about the baby, she was still scared about what everything meant with Damon.
Then, one night as she was reading a pregnancy book she'd bought, resisting the urge to chuck it out the window once she got to the chapter about childbirth, Damon had come in from a late night at the office. He was halfway to shirtless before he even stepped two feet into the bedroom, and by the time he climbed onto the bed, he was in nothing but his pair of black boxers. She had watched with captivation as he lovingly caressed her stomach and began to speak to it. As she watched him ramble on about what it must be like inside of her stomach, it had hit her. That was the moment she realized she could spend the rest of her life with him, and she wasn't scared in the slightest.
"Then why would you move in with him?" Matt asked, startling her back to the present.
And there was the million dollar question.
"I was pregnant." Her stomach clenched when she said the three painful words, but Matt wanted honesty, and that was what he was going to get. "It wasn't planned or something we really wanted. It just happened."
"Oh wow," he breathed. "That's – congratulations! I didn't know. I thought I'd heard you moved to Chicago." Matt's warm smile wavered as he watched her face fall.
"You heard right. I did move to Chicago."
Realization dawned on his face and he regretfully shook his head. "I'm sorry, Elena. I didn't know."
"It's fine," she insisted with a shaky smile. "No one knew. No one still knows outside of our family and close friends. It happened, I moved to Chicago, and Damon hated me. If it makes you feel better, I totally broke his heart too. Maybe you two can start a club." She shook her head to try and get rid of the tears burning her eyes. "That doesn't matter though. What matters is I did a really crappy thing when we were together, and I didn't try hard enough to tell you I was sorry. I loved you, and you deserved better."
Matt shrugged. "We were young. We both did things we shouldn't have. I shouldn't have tried to push you into something you obviously weren't ready for. Thank you for apologizing though. It means a lot."
"Thank you for letting me." Elena sighed and looked out at the bright city in front of her. "You've done well for yourself, Matt. I'm glad."
He smiled next to her. "I definitely like Nashville a lot better than New York. It works for me."
Elena ran her hands over her jeans to straighten out wrinkles that weren't really there. "I guess I should probably head out. Bonnie can only entertain herself alone in a hotel room for so long."
Matt stood up as she did and they began to walk to the door. "You brought Bonnie with you?"
"Bonnie brought herself." At Matt's confused look she said, "It's a long story. Trust me, you don't want to know."
"Well, in that case," Matt opened the door for Elena and smiled, "It was nice to see you, Elena. I'm glad you came."
"Me too," she agreed. This had all gone so much better than she ever could have thought it would. He could have slammed the door in her face, and the entire trip would have been for nothing. Instead, he let her in and talked to her. He was still the same Matt she fell in love with, kind, compassionate, and gentle. She was glad she hadn't changed that about him. "Take care of yourself, Matt." She swayed awkwardly on her feet for a few moments, debating on whether it would be appropriate to hug him or not, but once she saw him smile, she knew she had to. She moved forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I hope you're happy."
"Right back at ya, Gilbert." His arms easily came around her waist and he hugged her closely for several long moments.
The moment felt surreal to be back in Matt's arms for the first time in years. There was once a time when her day wasn't complete without a hug from Matt. Despite how they'd ended, the relationship had been a good one. He had taught her more about herself than she'd realized for a long time. He'd been good to her, and she'd be lying if she didn't acknowledge that on some days, she missed how simple her life had been back then with him, before there was talk of moving in together and forever. Things had been nice, and hopefully she'd be able to remember those times now instead of how they ended.
"Be sure to send me a copy of your first novel, whenever you write it," he said when he let her go.
Elena pulled back too and smiled at him as she slowly nodded her head. "You'll get a signed copy."
"See you around, Elena." He caught himself on his words and chuckled softly. "Well, you get what I mean."
"Bye, Matt." She waved at him and backed out into the hallway, content with what she'd accomplished. She got some things off her chest she'd needed to, and it felt good. Now the hard part would come.
She came to Nashville and did what she said she needed to, but she couldn't stay here forever. She had to go home, at some point. The courage wasn't really there yet, but she couldn't stay gone long. She had a job and a life that she couldn't abandon. Caroline was counting on her to come back, and she couldn't let her down.
It would be with a broken heart that she'd have to return back to New York, but she'd do it. She had survived all of the ups and downs for the past four years with Damon, and she'd have to continue to survive them. It hurt like hell, and she still felt like she was hanging on by a fraying thread, moments away from losing the fragile hold she had on her emotions.
She'd spent the majority of last night crying in Bonnie's arms, unable to find a way to stop. Her friend did all she could to comfort her, but both knew that there was nothing that would help, except for time. The man she was in love with married another woman and all the comfort in the world couldn't take that pain away. All Bonnie could do for her was keep the television and phones turned off, and sit with her while she cried.
When she finally stopped crying, it all led way to second-guessing about her going to him when she did. Had she made a mistake by waiting until the day of the wedding to go to him and beg him not to do it? The sensible part of her said of course she did. What kind of woman really asks a man to not get married on his wedding day? It was selfish of her, and she couldn't ignore that, but she'd told herself being selfish was a risk she had to take, because she had no chance of getting him back if she didn't even try. She'd had an entire night to try though. Katherine had told her exactly where to find him, and all she had to do was go to him, but she waited.
She got scared and told herself she couldn't show up unprepared. She thought that if she had no idea what she would say to him or how she would say it, that he would slam the door in her face. Now she wondered if spending those hours working up the courage had really only allowed him time to realize he hadn't had anything important to say to her the night before. Or maybe he was just angry. He certainly wasn't happy with her when she showed up, and why would he be? He'd tried to talk to her the night before and she turned her back on him. She told him she didn't have time and left. She rejected him, and if there was one thing she knew about that man, it was that he didn't take rejection kindly, especially when it came from her.
In his mind, she'd rejected him. It hadn't felt that way to her. She thought she was doing the right thing at the time. That was the root of so many of their problems though. One of them always believed they were doing the right thing at first. It was only as time passed and reality set in that it would all become clear. By the time either of them would ever realize that, it would always be too late. The damage would be done, and it felt like there was no hope for repair.
Then again, that never seemed to last long either. She could not even count how many times she'd told herself she was done with him forever, that she would never look back again. Time would pass, the anger would fade, and she'd find that the love was still there, even if she wished it wasn't. She always ended up back in the same place. Through all of the pain, betrayal, and anger she never stopped loving him. He turned her away on his wedding day, and she still loved him. One of the scariest things about it was that she knew she always would.
Elena rounded the corner with a sigh and looked up at her hotel, not quite ready to go in, but not sure of what else to do. Her talk with Matt had been better than she thought, but it didn't fix everything like she'd so naively led herself to believe, something she was having to face right now. It was nice to know that she'd finally given him the apology he so truly deserved, but there was still something missing. There would be something missing for a long time now.
Her phone rang just as she was about to enter the hotel and she looked down to see Bonnie's name flash across the screen. Even though she was just a few minutes away from the room, she still answered it. "Hey, Bonnie."
"Where are you?"
"About to enter the hotel, why?"
"Have you talked to Caroline?" Bonnie demanded.
"No, she hasn't even called me since last night." As she was saying the words, she realized how odd that was. She'd had her phone off until this morning, but there were no missed calls or texts from her friend, and the blonde hadn't tried to get in touch with her once today. Not that she wasn't grateful for the space, but this was not like Caroline. Her friend did not give space. She invaded it, and lots of it. "Have you talked to her?"
She could hear Bonnie blow out an aggravated sigh on the other end of the line. "I went out to get coffee and I don't know how long it's going to take me to get back. God, I can't even believe this."
"Bonnie, what's going on?"
"Damon didn't marry Andie yesterday."
Elena froze just inside the lobby, unsure of whether or not she'd just heard her friend correctly. "What?"
"Caroline said she gave him some letter and he just called it all off. He didn't go through with it, Elena. He's not married." Her voice suddenly wavered, stumbling over her words. "He called off the wedding and said he had to find you, that you two needed to talk."
Elena struggled to inhale breath into her lungs before she managed to get out, "What are you saying?"
"Damon, he's –" Bonnie stopped again as she sighed and left Elena hanging with baited breath. "Damon's in Nashville."
A flash of black hair caught her eye and she looked up just in time to see Damon turn around and begin walking away from the reception, looking drained and worn down.
"Oh my god," she gasped.
As if her words had carried all the way across the lobby, Damon's eyes found her and he stopped abruptly in his tracks.
"Elena?" Bonnie questioned from the other side of the phone line. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
There were a million confusing thoughts going through her head as she stared at a stoic Damon. In a matter of seconds, everything she'd thought was real was apparently false. It had all changed on a dime. Damon wasn't married, and he wasn't in New York. He was here, standing in the middle of a crowded hotel lobby in Nashville. She had no information as to the how or why, just him.
Slowly, a small smile began to pull at the corners of his mouth and with an imperceptible move his shoulders rose and fell. Straining to hold in a cry trapped in her throat, she said, "Bonnie, I'm going to have to call you back." Without bothering to wait for an answer she disconnected the call and shoved her phone in her pocket.
After what felt like hours they began to move toward each other. She had no idea who took the first step, but after just a few short feet Damon's pace quickened, and he was in front of her before she could even count to three. She felt his lips on hers first, and then came his hands, gripping her tightly and pulling her to him like she was a life raft after days lost at sea.
His kisses were intoxicating, sending her into a toxic haze that she couldn't find her way out of. Her knees were weak, and save for his arms around her waist, she'd be on the floor by now. None of it made sense, and she didn't know if it would, but that was the thing with addictions, no matter how little sense it made, you always kept going back for more. The sting of her heartbreak was still fresh in her mind, but she couldn't pull away from him.
Her body shivered under his touch, drugged by the overwhelming emotion of it all. His lips were everything she remembered and so much more. There was no bitterness laced beneath, like the last time they'd kissed, just love – love and desperation. His hands moved over her as if to make sure she was as real as he was, that he really had her in his arms. Her breathing was heavy as his tongue moved hypnotically in her mouth, casting her under his spell. The moment she thought she could no longer find the strength to stand for another moment, he released her mouth, blowing out a heavy sigh that tickled her chin.
"It took me ten hotels to find you," he whispered against her lips. "I was beginning to feel like I was chasing a ghost." His touch was featherlight as he ran his fingers over her cheek, and all she could see was the crystalline blue of his eyes in front of hers. "I didn't do it. I called it all off."
Elena swallowed deeply and used the last bit of strength she had to peel her body away from Damon's and retreat back into her own space. The world was spinning around her, leaving her dizzy and disoriented. It didn't feel real. She'd dreamed of moments like these for months, for him to come to her and tell her that it was all over. She had hoped that he'd wake her up from the nightmare that was her life, but no matter how much she wished for it, it never happened. He never came and she was left with nothing every time, but somehow he was here now.
"You sent me away," she choked out.
"I know." He quickly filled up the space she'd put between them and lifted his hands to her face again. "And it was a mistake. So much of this whole thing has been a mistake, but I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't marry her, not when I'm still in love with you."
And there were the words she'd waited to hear him say for years. Since the day she left for Chicago, she had missed the sound of his voice whenever he told her he loved her. There was so much emotion and vulnerability behind it that she was practically powerless to the words. And yesterday, when she'd asked him if he did, he told her he was sorry. Now he was here and he was saying all the right things, and they still did the same things they had always done, but it wasn't the same.
"You're supposed to be married," she said in a daze, trying to find a way to wrap her mind around even a fourth of what was happening right now.
"I shouldn't have sent you away yesterday. I knew it wasn't right, but I didn't know how to admit it. I didn't know how to call it off, but when I was up there at that altar and the preacher asked me to say my vows, I couldn't do it. You're who I love, and you are who I want to be with. I don't care what anyone thinks. I love you."
"Damon," she breathed, feeling herself being drawn into his vortex, unable to look away or protest.
"Tell me I'm not too late." His voice brushed over her skin, causing goosebumps to rise all over her body. "Tell me there's still a chance."
Her voice was lodged in her throat, stuck like glue, and no matter how hard she pushed to get any words out, all she found was silence. Finally, she had Damon in front of her, saying everything she'd wanted to hear for years, but she couldn't say a word. She was mute.
"Elena!" Bonnie's gasping breath came from behind her, and she felt Damon's hands regretfully fall from her skin. Her friend stopped beside her, fighting for air. "Here you are." She looked to Damon, and despite her wheezing she still managed to produce a cold glare. "Damon, nice of you to join us."
"Bonnie," he said in a clipped voice, "Likewise."
"I'm sure." She grimaced. "Anyway," she gently grabbed Elena's arm and looked up at her, "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
A sense of déjà vu came over her as she looked between Damon and Bonnie, feeling torn in two directions, much like she had been two nights ago. "I-" she choked out, still lost in a maze she couldn't find her way out of.
Damon interceded as she struggled for words, focusing intently on Bonnie. "I know you hate me, and I get it. You're never gonna be my biggest fan, but your hers. You know what she wants, and as of yesterday, that was me." He turned his attention to her and even though he was still speaking to Bonnie, she knew who his words were really meant for. "All I need is five minutes right now. I don't need any answers or promises, just five minutes. If she wants to offer more, I'll take them, but right now, I just need five."
Bonnie sighed and looked to Elena again, gauging her reaction to try and find out what she wanted. "Elena?"
Just like before, she didn't know what Damon had to say or what it would all mean. In a way, he was giving her a do-over. He was giving her a chance to do what she didn't do the other night, and to see if it would change the outcome this time. She had the second chance she so desperately wanted, and it was hers for the taking. He was hers for the taking.
She looked down at Bonnie and shrugged. "Meet you in the room?" Bonnie glanced nervously between Elena and Damon, looking unsure of whether it was a good idea to leave them alone or not. They were a duo prone to disaster after all, but this was a public lobby. They had made some scenes in their day, but she was confident this hotel would not be the site for one of them. "I'll be okay."
Bonnie nodded her head and backed away. "You know where to find me."
She watched her friend slowly go the elevators, and once she was a safe distance away, she turned to Damon. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "She's just –"
"She's Bonnie," he smiled softly. "I get it."
"So," she started nervously, "What do you need five minutes for?"
"A proposition." The confident Damon from only moments before, fell away and she was left with a nervous man, who looked suddenly unsure of whether his plan would work or not. He dug into his back pocket and retrieved an envelope. "Caroline told me to give these to you." He held out the envelope to her as she looked down at it in confusion. Caroline was sending her presents through Damon?
Curious, she grabbed it from his hand and opened it to find two tickets to Tahiti inside. "Caroline bought me plane tickets to Tahiti?"
"Yeah, motherhood has kind of sucked out her brain," he attempted to joke, but at her stunned face, the smile soon died on his face. "The night she gave birth to Sawyer she told me that you and me needed to go off to some private island to hash all of our drama out. So she gave me these with the order to come and get you, then go and do just that."
"You're asking me to go to Tahiti?"
"Not so much," he said softly. "Caroline got the tickets for us, but I'm going to give them to you to use how you want. You can take Bonnie, you can go by yourself, or you can throw them away. I'm hoping you will take me though. I'm going to ask you to run away with me for a few weeks, so we can talk and just be us. Because that's when we're at our best; when we're allowed to just be." He took her trembling hands into his. "I'm asking you to give me another shot, even if I don't deserve one. So, this is all you, Elena. I'm going to let you call the shots. I'll be waiting for you at airport security at 4:00."
"That's one hour from now," she gasped.
"I know." He smiled at her. A smile filled with so much love and hope that she was tempted to run away with him right that moment, to throw caution to the wind, grab onto him for dear life, and never look back. "I'm hoping it will be enough time, and that you'll choose me. Look," he sighed, and looked to the floor for several moments before his eyes met hers again, "I broke your heart yesterday, and I have no business asking you to risk that again. This is your chance to return the favor, but I'm going to beg you not to. I'm going to beg you to show up at that airport and pick me, because I've been wrong this entire time. We're not done, and we never will be."
Before she could respond he captured her lips in a passionate kiss that pulled the very breath from her lungs. His mouth melded with hers as his tongue brushed into her mouth, exploring it as if for the first time, but before she could even begin to respond, he was pulling away, breathless. "One hour."
She watched him walk away, all of the infamous Salvatore swagger back in full force as she was left to melt into an emotional puddle. All she could do was wordlessly make her way up to the hotel room she was sharing with Bonnie. She was in a blind fog as she went, unable to think about anything but his final words to her. It was everything she'd hoped to hear from him, but she didn't know whether she could give him what he was asking for. Their problem had been that they couldn't survive when the real world happened to them. Would trying to make the real world disappear actually help?
Bonnie had been pacing the floor in front of the beds when she stepped into the room, and her head immediately shot up at the sound of the door. "Are you okay?" Bonnie asked worriedly. "What did he want?"
Still in a shock, she held out the tickets to Bonnie and said, "He asked me to go to Tahiti."
Bonnie ripped the tickets from her hand and stared down at them like they were foreign currency. "He did what?"
She swallowed thickly. "He said he loves me and he was wrong about everything. He said we're not over and that we'll never be over."
"What did you say?" she demanded.
"I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say anything." Elena walked over to the bed and exhaustedly dropped herself down to the mattress. "When I was on my way back from Matt's, I kept thinking about how I was going to ever feel okay again, like I wouldn't completely fall apart at the thought of Damon. Then you called me and were saying that he called off the wedding, and next thing I know, he's standing right in front of me, like he somehow magically appeared out of nowhere. And then he was kissing me and it all felt so familiar. He felt like the man I love again, and now he's asking me to go to Tahiti, but I know it's not that simple. I wish we could run off to some island and wrap everything up in this nice little, perfect bow, but that can't happen."
Her head fell into her hands and she felt the tears come before she could stop them. When she'd stopped crying some time in the early hours of the morning, she was sure that she wouldn't be able to produce another tear if she wanted to for at least a week, but here they were again, and like always, she was powerless to them because she was powerless to him. He painted such a beautiful picture asking her to run away with him. It all sounded so perfect and like it was everything they needed, but she knew things never seemed to work out that way for them. Things that should be simple somehow became so hard for them, and even if they could disappear in a far corner of the world, locked away from everyone and everything that they knew, they wouldn't get to stay there forever. At some point, they would have to come back to reality, and that was what always got them into trouble.
The mattress dipped down as Bonnie sat down next to her, and her friend's hand came to rest on her back. "Hey, it's okay," she said reassuringly. "It's been an emotional few days."
"Yesterday he was kicking me out of his hotel room to marry Andie, and now he's asking me to run away with him. I feel like I'm lost in the Twilight Zone. I feel crazy because here he is offering me everything I've wanted for so long, and I don't know what to do!"
"Okay, so let's talk through it all. If you're lost, let's help you get found," Bonnie suggested. "Why are you scared to go?"
Where did she even start? There were a million and one reasons she was scared to go, but there was really only one crippling fear. "Ever since the day I got back from Chicago, he's practically made it his mission to break my heart. For a year he has thoroughly and consistently broken my heart. I spent three days in bed after my aunt took me back to Mystic Falls. It hurt to even breathe, and I just wanted it to end. Some days I thought I would die from it all."
She could feel Bonnie tense beside her, but her friend still gently asked, "So you're scared he'll break your heart again?"
"Well, duh!" Bonnie chuckled softly, and Elena couldn't help the small laugh that tumbled from her shaking lips. Even in the midst of it all, her friend could still make her laugh, but it didn't take her mind away from the magnitude of the situation. "But he looked so scared and desperate down there just now. I haven't heard him that vulnerable since the night I left for Chicago, and every fiber of my being wants to believe what he said to me. I want to believe it all."
He'd looked so fragile and honest standing in front of her in that lobby, that it was hard to entertain the thought that he didn't mean every word he said. And then there was the cynical part of her brain that reminded her he was also the guy who slept with her and proposed to another woman the same day. On the other side of that token though, was that in the end he never went through with it. He came as close to it as a man could, but he didn't do it. That had to count for something.
"I don't think Caroline would have called me and said what she did if she didn't believe him. For what it's worth, she believes that he's being honest and that this is real. She told me she would cut up my favorite sweater if I interfered with this in any way. Don't think she'd do that if she thought he was still trying to jerk you around."
"The tickets are from Caroline," she revealed. "She gave them to him and said for us to go."
"So why did he give them to you?"
"Because he wants me to choose."
"How generous," Bonnie mumbled, but then quickly caught herself. "I'm sorry, Elena. I'm really, really trying to be neutral here. I just want you to do what you truly want. I want you to be happy."
"You know, Bonnie, the first conversation I ever had with Damon, he told me that sometimes, no matter how much you want a relationship to work, it just can't. For so long I've thought that it wasn't about us. That was always him and Katherine or Andie, and me and Matt. It was never us, because we were different, you know? But what if we're not different, and we can't make it work?"
Bonnie sat next to her in silence, digesting the words. She knew how hard her best friend was working right now to be supportive and put Elena's best interests first. There was a tepid history between Damon and Bonnie though. They'd never gotten along, not from that moment he'd opened his mouth in that bar and told Elena it didn't matter that she was taken. They had tolerated each other as best they could through the years, but there would never be any love lost between the two.
So when her best friend opened her mouth, she never expected the words that would come next. "I think you should go."
Elena's head shot up in surprise. "What?"
Bonnie cautiously nodded her head. "I think you have some valid points, but I don't think you believe in them. The girl who sat on this bed and cried for six hours last night doesn't believe that this relationship won't work. You believe that he's it, all the way to the bottom of your soul. You love him more than life itself, and you're scared, but you don't think this can't work."
"And that's what's gotten me in trouble."
"You and Damon have gotten yourselves in a lot of trouble over the years, but it's never really been because either of you think the relationship can't work. It's been because you were scared and stupid. You didn't think the relationship couldn't work when you went to Chicago. You thought you were putting him out of his misery and letting him go because you were broken beyond repair. He didn't think the two of you couldn't work when he slept with you. He was scared of what it meant, so he made the dumbest decision he could ever make in his life. And those are just the big ones. I have a list a mile long of the small stuff." Bonnie smiled and tightly squeezed her friend's leg. "It's not your hope that gets you into trouble, Elena. It's your fear."
Elena expected this speech from Caroline, but she never thought she'd hear those words come out of Bonnie's mouth. Even at their absolute best, she'd kept her opinion mum about Damon. She didn't say anything bad or even treat him badly, but she wasn't ever encouraging of the relationship. Elena knew it came from a place of distrust. Her mother left her when she was young, and since then she'd had trouble trusting most people she met. So, when a guy like Damon, who had a history of using and abusing women, came around, her guard went straight up, and Elena didn't think it ever went down.
Most women with sense didn't trust Damon. It had taken years for Caroline to trust him outside of anything that wasn't about Stefan. Elena saw him differently though. He wasn't an overly arrogant womanizer to her. He was a man who had lost his mother when he was just a child, and was forced to face the real world before any child should. His present was shaped entirely by his past, and it was hard not to think about that when she saw his flaws sometimes. Bonnie was right, when he got scared, he did stupid things. He would've asked her to marry him the day he found out she was pregnant if she hadn't threatened to slap him. He overcompensated in the absolute worst direction, and that resulted in her getting hurt a lot of the time.
They'd both suffered more than a lifetime's worth of pain at the hands of each other. If any higher power existed, surely they would have been able to let each other go years ago for their sanity if for no other reason. They'd lived in a cycle of destruction for longer than she ever thought she could handle, all because they hadn't been able to do anything else. They could never get on the same page, but now he was here, ready to jump straight onto whatever page she was on, and it was all up to her. It was all in her hands now.
"What if it doesn't work? What if we go away and everything falls apart the minute we come back?"
Bonnie shrugged. "Then it falls apart, but at least you know you've both tried."
"I don't think I can go through another day like yesterday, Bonnie. I don't think I can take it anymore."
"That's why you have to decide if he's worth it," Bonnie whispered. "You have to decide whether all the pain in the world is worth giving it one more shot. You can't get him if you don't try." Bonnie stood up and walked over to Elena's suitcase that was open on the floor, clothes scattered all around it. She picked it up and hauled it over to Elena's bed, where she unceremoniously threw it down next to her. "So, for once in your life, take a risk because you want it, not because you're scared. Go!"
Elena stared nervously down at her suitcase. "What about you? I can't just abandon you in Nashville."
"I know how to change a flight schedule. I'll get back to New York just fine."
"But you came all the way down here with me because you didn't want me to be alone."
"I did." She nodded her head. "But a lot has changed since yesterday. Damon isn't married and he's here. Don't worry about me. I'm going to go home and be perfectly fine."
"Okay." Elena tried to breathe around her pounding heart and slowly nodded her head. "Okay, I'll go."
"Oh, thank god," Bonnie breathed a sigh of relief. "Caroline was seriously going to murder me if you didn't go with Damon." She smiled down at Elena and held her hand out for her to grab. "Shall we get you packed and ready?" With a smile of her own she placed her hand in Bonnie's and jumped to her feet.
Packing Elena's bags didn't take very long, seeing as she had only packed enough for a few days, but it still left her with little time to get to the airport in time to meet Damon. She had to rush out of the hotel room, making Bonnie promise her that she was really okay with her leaving her in the middle of a city she didn't know. With one last reassurance Bonnie shoved her out the door, and she was off to the airport, prepared to run off and disappear for the second time in twenty-four hours.
Everything came down to this trip and how they could handle it all. So many things would have to fall into place for this to all work out. They'd have to suddenly find the growth they'd been looking for. They'd have to work through years of anger and pain. She wasn't naïve enough to think it wouldn't hurt like hell at times. This would be painful, no matter how well it went, but she had to face it. She had to face every bad memory she had, and find a way to let it all go. They both did.
This trip would make them or break them, for good this time.
Something about Tahiti didn't feel right though. It sounded like a great idea on the surface, but something about it felt wrong. Though they would be thousands of miles away from anyone they knew, they'd still be around people. Damon wouldn't go to Tahiti without getting them to stay in some extravagant resort that would give them the chance to distract themselves with the beach, massages, and whatever else the resort had to offer. It would be too easy to run when things got hard, and they couldn't afford that anymore.
They needed something different, something that didn't give them those chances. They needed a trip that gave them no option but to stick it out and face it all. And as the taxi pulled up outside of the airport, she remembered something her mom had told her when her parents went away for their fifteenth wedding anniversary. Her parents had decided to go on a road trip, which Elena thought was stupid at the time. She had been a teenager and still believed everything needed to be overly romantic all the time. She hadn't yet understood the hardships of relationships, and her mother knew that, so she'd explained to her why it was the best thing they could do.
Her mother told her that if you wanted to know what your relationship was really made of, go on a road trip, because there was only so much flipping through radio stations that could be done before you had to talk. She said there was something about being enclosed in a car as you drove through the middle of nowhere that made you honest. It was her belief that that honesty would define a relationship, that if you could handle the things you found out during that trip, you could handle almost anything. Because, it wasn't some pretty, romantic vacation; it was ugly at times and tested your sanity, but that was what relationships were about. They were about what you cold make out of the ugly times that made you want to pull your hair out.
That was why she and Damon needed to do this.
If this worked, Elena didn't know what she'd tell Caroline. The tickets to Tahiti had been amazing, and if this trip had been for any other reason, she would have gone in a heartbeat, but this wasn't really a vacation. This time away would determine whether or not they could find a way to work through all of the wreckage that lain between them. This would be the last chance to figure out if the love she thought was there was really there, or if they'd simply been holding on because they didn't know how to let go.
A road trip was on a completely different playing field than Tahiti. She wouldn't be staying in a five star resort and soaking up the sun on the beach. No, she would be locked in a car with Damon for hours and hours on end, with no real place to go. This would be the true test for them.
She just had to get him to say yes.
Elena's hands shook as she walked into the small Nashville airport, her suitcase rolling behind her. The crowd was minimal, making it easy for her to search through the people for that head of stark black hair. At first, she didn't spot any sign of him, and she could feel her adrenaline beginning to wane. Just because he'd asked her to go with him, it didn't mean that he wouldn't change his mind or get scared, but then, as a small family moved forward, she saw him. He was standing next to his suitcase, looking nervously down at his hands, and the sight immediately gave her some sense of comfort. She wasn't the only one scared right now.
As if he could feel her presence, his head lifted and his own eyes searched the crowd before they found her still form by the doors. A bright, beautiful smile spread across his face, and she felt her stomach flutter at the sight. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him smile like that, and it still made her as weak in the knees as it ever had. Every fear and doubt she had had in the past hour suddenly dissipated and she was left with nothing but pure joy. They could do this.
It almost took longer than she could stand to close the small distance between them, but she finally found herself in front of him. "You said something about going on a trip?"
If possible, his smile broadened. "I did." He nodded his head. "This mean you're in?"
"I'm in," she said, her voice little more than a whisper. "Although, I do have one suggestion."
"Oh yeah?"
"Tahiti sounds great, and Caroline is amazing for getting the tickets, but what would you say if instead of Tahiti, we did something else?"
"And what would that be?"
"Let's go on a road trip." It sounded crazy to her ears, but not any crazier than running off to Tahiti. "Let's rent a car and just drive."
Damon seemed intrigued by the idea, but he still asked, "Where would we go?"
"Nowhere," she smiled, "Everywhere."
"There are no private villas on a road trip," he reminded her.
"I don't need a private villa, or some secluded island." Her lower lip trembled and she shakily shrugged her shoulders. "I just need you. So, what do you say? Go on a road trip with me?"
Damon was nodding his head before she could finish her question. "Wherever you want to go, I want to go." He stepped forward and took her suitcase from her. "Let's go rent us a car."
In a town like Nashville, it was easy enough to rent a car, and Damon, being the man that he was, managed to wrangle them a Mercedes for their open-ended trip. It was a black SUV that was far fancier than anything they needed, but if a Mercedes was what he needed to survive living like a commoner, she needed it too.
He loaded the car up and soon they were ready to go. With her head resting on the back of the seat, she smiled over at him. "You sure you can handle slumming it like this, Salvatore?"
He smirked as he put the car in reverse and began to back out of the parking space. "It will be an adjustment, but I think I can make it work."
"This won't always be pretty."
"I know," he told her confidently.
"It's going to be hard." She didn't know why she was saying these things to him, like she was trying to get him to change his mind. She didn't want him to back out, but she also didn't want either of them to go into this with any illusions. No matter what they accomplished on this trip, even when they got back, things would be hard.
Damon reached over the console and grabbed Elena's hand in his, lacing his fingers through her. He glanced over at her as he stopped behind the other cars in front of them, slowly making their way out of the parking garage. "Elena, I hate to break it to you, but nothing with us has ever been easy. And I don't know about you, but I kind of like it like that."